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603- Community Shouldn't Cost You Yourself · Spiritual Homegirl

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  You are listening to another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast where we better self in spirit and make peace with the day through wisdom, education and practical, easy to follow tips.
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  I am your host, Maria, your spiritual homegirl, who's also a mental health professional.
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  And it has been months since I've last posted and at the end of this episode I'm going to tell you why, but I want to jump right into it because I have a lot to say.
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  What I've noticed over the last year that I have not really said much on is that we got to get okay with not being lights, but by everybody or not being able to click up with everybody or network
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  with those that we want to.
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  And what I see a lot on the Internet is that a lot of times people don't know how to accept that just because we're all connected, whether it is through social media, whether we're connected by a common group
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  identifier, whether we are connected by unfortunately even blood, blood or, or some type of relation or whatever, that doesn't always mean that we're going to automatically be in community with each other in that way.
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  And what I mean by in community with each other in that way is in a relationship that's mutually beneficial to where are supporting and pouring into each other, treating each other with dignity, respect, trusting each other, protecting each
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  other, we're not going to get that with everybody, and that's okay.
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  We're not going to be able to do what we would like with the people we would like to do them with.
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  Everybody is not going to be in the village like that, and that is fine.
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  But what I see a lot of is that people will shrink themselves so that the village can accept them, or so that they could be a part of something that really doesn't respect them at the end of the
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  day.
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  And as a person who's used to being the villain, I'm used to being the villain because there's a lot of stuff I don't go for.
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  It's a lot of stuff that I don't mind speaking up on.
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  And when you enter into dynamics where you are meant to fall in line or you are meant to just get into hierarchical structures, I see this a lot in spiritual systems, religious systems, even family systems where there are
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  certain bosses that you just kind of have to bow down to, if you're not a person that don't bow, you're going to always be a problem.
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  So that's one instance where it may not work.
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  And because I was always taught you don't bow you respect, but you don't bow.
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  And what I mean by bow is you don't disrespect yourself trying to be respected by other people, and you don't allow yourself to be disrespected while you're getting.
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  While you're getting acclimated and treating other people with respect.
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  So that's one thing.
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  I see a lot of that in terms of abuse, and I will get into that in another episode because I really want to talk about hierarchical structures and how they can cause harm.
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  I have examples that I can bring up from things that I've seen from third person.
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  And even in California, when I was in la, there was an elder who had me twisted.
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  I love her from a distance, but it was some things that was just awkward where I was just like, I'm not going to engage in this hierarchal structure because elder abuse.
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  What I mean by elder abuse is abuse perpetuated by elders definitely exists.
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  And you don't have to stand for that because of quote, unquote, community or wanting mentorship or wanting guidance or wanting connections.
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  I've seen a lot of that.
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  Even in Atlanta, living in Atlanta and even living in la, people will bow and disrespect themselves.
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  And some will call that selling their soul to get to where they need to go.
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  And it's not always worth, well, the juice, I should say.
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  It's not always worth the squeeze.
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  So I wanted to talk about that, but.
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  And I kind of did a little bit.
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  So I don't know, we're gonna see if I feel like I sing, sing a little bit more for the next episode, but be okay with being disliked.
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  I had an interview recently for somebody that was interviewing Black women in wellness for their critical thinking class.
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  And they asked me some advice for people that were.
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  Or Black women that were trying to get into wellness.
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  And I think it's a good piece of advice in general is that the more okay you being light, the easier things will be for you.
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  You should never let someone else's like or respect for you be stronger or more powerful or hold more weight than your own respect and power within yourself.
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  No one liking you should be better than you liking you.
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  The way I look at it is if we like ourselves, and sometimes we don't always like ourselves, and I say we because I'm never above what I say.
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  Even though, honestly speaking, I think the way my ego is set up, I ain't gonna hold you.
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  Ego, to me, is not always a bad thing.
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  It can also protect you.
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  From the BS too, but my ego has never really allowed me not to like myself, honestly.
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  We.
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  Honestly speaking.
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  But sometimes we're not really happy with the version of ourselves that we may show up as.
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  And sometimes that will allow us to let people kind of put things in our head as to what we should be, how we should act, what we should accept, what we should expect, things of that nature.
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  And then next thing you know, you're kind of programmed by somebody else.
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  It's almost like a puppet if someone's pulling your strings.
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  All because we're not happy with how we're operating within ourselves for a temporary season.
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  Because most times it's temporary.
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  From what I've seen, for some, it's a lifelong struggle, and my heart goes out to y'.
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  All.
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  But in the situations that I've seen, it's been temporary issues that become permanent problems because they have put their trust into somebody under the guise of quote, unquote, community.
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  And then it ends up being some drama and some foolery down the line or some weird power dynamic that they're always at the bottom of.
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  And that's not cool, because as humans, we all deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and decency.
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  And these systems in these hierarchical structures will put you at the bottom for the sake of a lesson that they think you need to learn, but they probably need to learn themselves.
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  I've noticed that too, a lot too.
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  Especially in spiritual religious systems too.
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  It's like, as a human, who are you to give me the lesson that you think I need to Like, God has to deal with every one of us at the end of the day.
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  So I've always noticed that that's been kind of odd when folks kind of get some titles or get some knowledge and they think that they can use that power to abuse other people or dehumanize them or to subjugate
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  them in a way.
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  But being again, a lot of the problem will come from the need to be liked or the need to belong.
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  So this episode is going to be short, but I would really implore people to ask themselves where they belong and do they like where they are now?
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  And is it better to belong in a place away from those triggering like environments or stressors or people?
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  The reason why I asked is because again, that need for community or that need to be long will end up having you in a situation that can cause more harm than good.
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  So I just encourage people to just assess where you are and also assess how you feel about yourself.
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  Do other people's opinion of you or feelings about you, does it hold more weight than your own?
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  And if so, we need to figure out why?
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  And how can we get back to ourselves and our feelings being the main priority of how we feel about ourselves.
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  When we look in the mirror, do we look at how we are showing up?
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  Do we look at how a higher power that we believe in?
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  For those of us that believe in higher powers, do we look at ourselves in God's image?
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  Or do we look at ourselves as God's child?
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  Or do we look at ourselves based on what humans on this earth that are also flawed with their own lessons to learn, do we view ourselves through their eyes?
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  And then so how can we change that?
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  So that's all I got for y' all today.
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  I'm gonna probably be podcasting way more on a regular schedule.
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  Normally, I like to go once a week, normally on a Thursday.
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  Homegirl.
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  Thursday was usually what it was, but if you see my Instagram, y' all know I've been pregnant.
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  So I had to.
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  We had to take care of some family things, which has been wonderful, and I love it.
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  And obviously I wanted to be all the way present in that experience, and I have no regrets about that.
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  And maybe as time passes, I may or may not kind of go more into momm homegirl mode and talk more about it, but I like coming back.
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  I have a lot to say.
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  I like coming back, but we going to come back little by little.
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  I think that's the approach that I want to take.
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  I like taking my time and, you know, slowly coming off of my maternity leave the right way.
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  Why?
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  Because my opinion of how I feel about myself and spiritual Homegirl chumps more than anybody else's.
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  So you see how I did that?
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  Yeah.
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  So with that being said, don't forget to click the second link in my show notes to join my email list and I will see you on the next episode.
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  This has been another episode of the spiritual Homegirl podcast.
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  My name is Maria, your spiritual homegirl.
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  And remember, boo.
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  Friends, trust the journey.
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  Trust yourself, and whatever you do, do with love.
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  Okay?
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  Love, y'.
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  All.
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  Peace.