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What happens when you get close to a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Tough subject today. What happens when you get close
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  to a narcissist? Like when you get closer to a
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  narcissist, when y'all fall in love, when y'all are making
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  plans for the future? What happens when you get close
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  to them intimately? When you get close to them
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  physically? What happens in the mind of a
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  narcissist? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Let's get it. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes. What happens when you get close
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  to that narcissistic person? What happens that, you know, I
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  said it's a lot of people. Y'all, and I tell this to a lot
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  of people, like the closer you get to a narcissist, typically,
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  notice I said typically, typically the further they push
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  you away. That's typically how it goes.
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  Now, there are a lot of narcissists out there who allow
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  you to get close to them to a certain extent.
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  I don't think most people, and this is very y'all can try to
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  correct me if I'm wrong, right? Most people will never, ever see
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  the true, real, true, authentic version of that narcissistic
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  person. I just don't believe that to be
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  true, right? You know, I know people going to
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  say, well, Lee, I saw the evil in their heart.
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  I saw this. I saw that.
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  Yeah. But it's not the 100% true to
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  earth person that they are, right?
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  They can be evil at times. Yeah, absolutely.
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  But they could be good at times too, right?
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  They could be a mix, you know what I mean?
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  There could be a mixture of good and evil, whatever the case may
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  be, right? There could be a mixture of that
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  type of stuff that comes up, but most people I don't think will
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  see the actual version of that narcissist.
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  Like we'll see the real version of this narcissistic person.
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  It just it just typically doesn't work that way.
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  Right. So narcissist and it's going to
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  sound crazy. Let me go and preface this right
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  here. And y'all just before I go, I'm
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  starting a since y'all like my rant bubbles instead of the
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  morning episodes, which don't do well, I'm going to do night
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  rants. I'm going to start ranting that
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  night about some things. Y'all, y'all see the rant
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  bubbles I have I'm going to start my night rants.
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  It's like rant bubbles. Oh, I'm gonna be going off on
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  everything. Oh yes, I'll be want to talk
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  about everything anyway. But yeah, narcissist want people
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  to be close to them, right? I want love, y'all.
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  It's gonna sound crazy, this hair.
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  I want love. I want people to love me.
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  I want people to love me for me. I want people to love me and
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  cherish me and hold me close. Sound like a song, don't it?
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  Love me, cherish me, hold me close, but I want that.
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  But the backside of it is the backwards part of it is I want
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  to be held close, but at the same time, I don't want people
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  to get too close to me because too, when you get too close to
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  me, you can hurt me. So the closer you get to a
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  narcissist, typically the further they push you away.
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  They don't let, they don't fully let you go.
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  Now, the way I describe it is they push you away, but they
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  grab you by the collar. So it's like this, they're
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  pushing you away, they're extending their arm, pushing you
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  away, but they're grabbing you by the collar.
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  So you don't fully, you know, they're grabbing you by the
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  collar so you don't fully get away from them.
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  They push you away, get away from me, but they're grabbing
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  you by the collar, they grabbing you by the collar so you don't
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  fully get away from them, right? That's just the way it goes
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  right there. So as you're as you're
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  progressing forward and as you're trying to understand what
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  you're going through and who you're dealing with, this is
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  kind of what you have to this is this can be helpful to
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  understand, right? This can be helpful information
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  to have because the more you're dealing with a narcissist or a
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  toxic person or whoever the hell you're dealing with, this is
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  what you have to understand. This is this is who they are.
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  Y'all, Let's keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's
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  pizza. Let's keep it hot and ready
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  because this is the way it's going to go.
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  This is the way. This is what you're up against.
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  You're up against a toxic narcissistic person who wants
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  love, but it's also simultaneously afraid of it at
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  the same time. That's the toxic narcissistic
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  person wants love, but it's also scared of it at the same time.
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  They want, they want you to love them.
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  They want you to care about them, but they think if you get
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  too close to me, if you see beneath the shield, you see
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  beneath the sheath, you going to be able to hurt me.
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  I don't want you to be able to hurt, be able to hurt me.
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  I've been hurt too much before, so I don't want to allow anybody
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  else the ability to hurt me again.
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  And that's not fair to you because you didn't hurt me.
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  You didn't hurt me. I was already hurt.
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  I came into the relationship hurt.
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  I came into the relationship already hurt.
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  I did. You didn't hurt me.
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  I might have made it seem like you hurt me, but you didn't hurt
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  me. You didn't deserve what's
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  happening to you didn't deserve what's what you're going
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  through, right? You didn't deserve the stuff
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  that I put you through. I'm going to make it seem like
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  you did because that's how I get it.
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  That's how I make myself feel better about the situation.
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  But I know deep down that you absolutely did not deserve what
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  you were going through. It just does not work that way.
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  You know what I mean? So the more you're done with a
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  narcissistic person, this is what you have to understand that
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  this is who they're going to be. They like they're afraid of
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  emotional intimacy. They're afraid of it.
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  Like I want it. I crave it.
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  I get jealous. Look, I get jealous when I see
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  other people in love. I get jealous when I see other
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  people holding hands and things like that.
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  Getting emotionally close, being emotionally, being able to be
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  emotionally vulnerable with people.
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  I get, I get jealous as hell of that.
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  I really, really do, right? So in a lot of these
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  circumstances, this is what I have to go through.
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  This is what I have to deal with.
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  You know what I mean? Like this is the type of stuff
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  that we have to understand. That was uneven.
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  Y'all let me go and hear my stuff.
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  Uneven. Goodness gracious, I knew.
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  I knew y'all. I knew y'all didn't like me.
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  Now, I appreciate every single one of y'all, but this is what
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  happens, y'all. But leave, OK, leave.
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  We understand that. But but what?
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  Why? But how?
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  How do they know when to start pushing us away?
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  Why do they start pushing us away?
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  How do they know when we've gotten too close?
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  I'm glad you asked. So I do have a course.
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  I do have a mini course available, right?
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  It's called understanding the Seven Stages of a Narcissistic
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  Relationship. And one of these stages in there
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  is called fracturing. Yep, one of these stages of a
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  narcissistic relationship, it's called fracturing.
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  It's when a relationship with a narcissist fractures, right?
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  It's when it actually, it's why they start looking at you
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  differently. It's why they start holding you
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  to a different account. It's why they started looking
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  down on you. It's why they start pushing away
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  like they hold you in high esteem.
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  They want to share the world with you.
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  They want to give you all the love, care and affection that
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  you can that, that that you are seeking, right?
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  They want to give it all to you. But always a but isn't it always
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  a big old butt? But they get afraid.
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  But if something happens in their minds, they, they see a
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  flaw in you like they see a flaw in you that makes them afraid.
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  Well, lady, damn it. What?
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  How can I get rid of that flaw? How can I make the flaw go away?
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  You can't. We're old.
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  We're old. We're all flawed people.
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  And when I say that, do not take offense to that.
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  I'm not trying to offend you. We are all flawed in some way,
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  shape or form. Your flaw could be something as
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  simple as you say in the word no to them.
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  Your flaw could be something as simple as you set in a boundary
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  or making them feel rejected, even though that's not your
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  intent. Intent, impact over intent.
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  You know what I mean? Your flaw could be something
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  like that. So it's something to consider,
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  it's something to think about. It's something to get that get
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  to get the wheels in your head turning right.
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  And you can find all my courses in my support groups and
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  everything y'all at mentalillness.net, Mental
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  illness.net. Y'all see my name on my channel,
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  mental illness.net or it's in the description of every video.
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  But that's the way it goes though, y'all.
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  This really is the way it goes. I I appreciate every single one
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  of y'all. But like, soon as your flaws
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  start the show, they get afraid of you.
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  They get afraid of you believe why they I don't want them to be
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  afraid of me. What can I do to change that?
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  Yo, you are a human being. You're a human being.
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  You're a beautiful person inside and out.
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  There's nothing you can do to change how they look at you.
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  Once they look at you in a certain type of way.
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  There's nothing you can do to make them change the way that
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  they look at you. You can try hard as hell, y'all.
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  And it's not me trying to say the relationship is over.
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  The it's just the, the it's just everything has changed.
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  It really, it really does mean that it just means everything
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  has changed. There's nothing you can do to
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  get to that point right here, y'all.
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  When you're dealing with a narcissist like the the
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  narcissist, I call it a narcissistic equation, right?
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  U plus them equals end result equals narcissistic abuse,
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  right? No matter what you do on the
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  left side of the equation. If you're writing from left to
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  right, no matter what you do on the left side of the equation,
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  the equals the, the stuff on the right side, the things, the
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  stuff on the other side of the equal sign do not change you.
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  Whatever you do plus them, whatever they do equals
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  narcissistic abuse, equals suffering, equals pain.
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  No matter what you do, you cannot change what comes on the
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  right side of the equal sign. You cannot do that.
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  Everything on the left side, you can change anything.
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  It's always going to be the same on the right side of the
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  equation. Nothing changes on the right
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  side of the equal sign. 1 + 1 is always going to equal 2 unless
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  you unless you 1 * 1 = 2. You wait.
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  Just like unless you Terrence how whatever, apparently
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  whatever you got going on and whatnot.
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  But yeah, that's the equation. That's the narcissistic
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  equation. No matter what you do, it's
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  always going to be is always going to the end result will
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  always be the same. No matter what variables you put
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  on the left side of the equation, the end result is
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  always going to be the same. It might take longer to get
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  there because you're adding more variables on the left side, but
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  the end result is always going to be the same.
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  We'll leave. This sound like a we'll leave.
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  So you leave. Do you have a mathematical
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  background? Well, yeah, yes, I actually,
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  well, yes, I actually do have a mathematical background.
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  I have a degree in in industrial engineering from North Carolina
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  Agricultural, Agricultural and Technical State University.
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  So NCA and T Aggie pride. I do have a degree in
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  engineering and I just gave you all the narcissistic equation.
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  So shout out to A&T, shout out to oh, there it is.
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  I was looking for a shout out to A&T, shout out to alma mater A&T
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  State University, shout out to A&T and whatnot.
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  But yeah, y'all, no matter what you do, the end result was
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  always going to be the same. That's why I call it the
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  narcissistic equation. I'm going to do it.
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  I'm going to do a video network. They'll be fired over it, y'all.
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  I know I don't just believe I was mine.
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  I blew mine. I got they came off the top of
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  my head. They came off the top of my
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  head. It really did now.
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  But seriously, man, I want love. They want to be loved, y'all,
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  but they always, they're almost always going to push it away.
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  It's always going to be pushed away.
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  And it's crazy and it sucks because I'm not.
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  I don't think every single narcissist out there intends to
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  be bad, intends to be horrible, intends to be abusive.
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  I don't think that's the intent, but the impact is what matters,
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  right? Actually, I have a shirt on my,
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  on my shop called impact over intent.
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  And that's literally what it means.
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  It's like no matter what the intent is, what's the impact?
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  No matter what the intent is, what's the impact?
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  What's the end result, right? I know you didn't intend to do
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  this, but what's the impact? You did impact me.
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  I know you didn't intend to break the family up because you
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  would you didn't plan on getting caught cheating, but you got
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  caught cheating. You were cheating.
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  You see what I'm saying? But that's the that's the crux
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  of it all right there, y'all? I just, this really is a tough
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  thing to deal with because narcissist do want love and some
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  of them are deserving of love, but it's just like they when I
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  say deserving of love, don't get that twisted, y'all?
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  They're like, well, they should I go back and give them No, if
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  you're out of it, stay out of it, Right?
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  But if you're in it, you know what I'm saying?
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  Don't let this keep you stuck. Well, Lee said they were
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  deserving their love, so I need, I need to give it to him.
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  No, Lee did not say that. Don't put words in Lee's mouth.
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  Lee wants you to win. He really, really does.
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  You know what I mean? That's the crux of it all,
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  y'all. Anyways, y'all think I'll tune
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  into another video. I appreciate every single one of
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  y'all. I know.
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  Y'all see my little Gray hair? Y'all been following the Gray,
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  my narcissistic Gray right here. I'm, I'm not going to shave it.
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  I'm going to let it sit there, let it grow out.
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  I'm about to be 40 years old. I'm blessed to make it to 40 in
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  July. Anyway, y'all hit the subscribe
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  button for my early birthday present.
• 12:52
  I appreciate everything one of y'all.
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  I'm super thankful for you and it's always y'all.
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  As always, this is out Peace what up y'all?
• 12:58
  What up? Before you leave make sure to
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  hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 13:02
  It just helps us reach more people.
• 13:03
  Also everything I have is available at mentalillness.net,
• 13:07
  my coaching, my courses. I have a couple of courses that
• 13:10
  can help you understand and help you heal and also have a support
• 13:13
  group all available at mentalillness.net.
• 13:15
  Check my site off everything y'all and I will see y'all
• 13:17
  later. Peace.