Latest / Daily Relationship Tips: Practical Relationship Skills That Help Couples Reconnect / 6 - The Simple Question That Stops Relationship Conflict

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6 - The Simple Question That Stops Relationship Conflict · Daily Relationship Tips: Practical Relationship Skills That Help Couples Reconnect

• 0:00
  If
• 0:00
  you've
• 0:01
  ever
• 0:01
  caught
• 0:01
  yourself
• 0:02
  thinking
• 0:02
  we
• 0:03
  argue
• 0:03
  about
• 0:04
  the
• 0:04
  same
• 0:04
  things
• 0:04
  over
• 0:05
  and
• 0:05
  over
• 0:06
  the
• 0:06
  dishes
• 0:07
  left
• 0:07
  in
• 0:08
  the
• 0:08
  sink,
• 0:08
  the
• 0:09
  dirty
• 0:09
  clothes
• 0:10
  on
• 0:10
  the
• 0:10
  floor,
• 0:11
  or
• 0:11
  who
• 0:12
  forgot
• 0:12
  to
• 0:12
  do
• 0:12
  what,
• 0:13
  you're
• 0:14
  not
• 0:14
  alone,
• 0:15
  and
• 0:16
  this
• 0:16
  episode
• 0:16
  is
• 0:17
  going
• 0:17
  to
• 0:17
  help.
• 0:18
  I'm
• 0:19
  Alistair
• 0:19
  Dewes,
• 0:20
  and
• 0:20
  this
• 0:20
  is
• 0:21
  the
• 0:21
  Daily
• 0:21
  Relationship
• 0:22
  Tips
• 0:22
  podcast,
• 0:23
  where
• 0:23
  I
• 0:24
  share
• 0:24
  simple,
• 0:25
  practical
• 0:25
  tools
• 0:26
  to
• 0:26
  help
• 0:26
  you
• 0:26
  and
• 0:27
  your
• 0:27
  partner
• 0:28
  feel
• 0:28
  close,
• 0:29
  connected,
• 0:29
  and
• 0:30
  in
• 0:30
  love
• 0:30
  again,
• 0:31
  one
• 0:32
  small
• 0:32
  habit
• 0:33
  at
• 0:33
  a
• 0:34
  time
• 0:35
  here's
• 0:35
  something
• 0:36
  most
• 0:36
  people
• 0:36
  don't
• 0:36
  realize
• 0:38
  when
• 0:38
  couples
• 0:38
  argue
• 0:39
  about
• 0:39
  small
• 0:40
  things
• 0:40
  constantly.
• 0:41
  The
• 0:41
  problem
• 0:41
  is
• 0:42
  rarely
• 0:42
  the
• 0:43
  small
• 0:43
  things.
• 0:44
  It's
• 0:44
  what
• 0:45
  those
• 0:45
  small
• 0:45
  things
• 0:46
  start
• 0:46
  to
• 0:46
  represent
• 0:48
  over
• 0:48
  time.
• 0:49
  A
• 0:49
  dirty
• 0:49
  dish
• 0:50
  isn't
• 0:50
  just
• 0:50
  a
• 0:51
  dirty
• 0:51
  dish.
• 0:52
  It
• 0:52
  becomes
• 0:53
  you
• 0:53
  don't
• 0:53
  respect
• 0:54
  my
• 0:54
  time.
• 0:55
  A
• 0:55
  forgotten
• 0:56
  errand
• 0:56
  isn't
• 0:57
  just
• 0:57
  forgetfulness.
• 0:58
  It
• 0:58
  becomes
• 0:59
  I'm
• 0:59
  not
• 1:00
  a
• 1:00
  priority
• 1:00
  to
• 1:01
  you.
• 1:02
  The
• 1:02
  issue
• 1:02
  on
• 1:03
  the
• 1:03
  surface
• 1:03
  is
• 1:04
  minor,
• 1:05
  but
• 1:05
  the
• 1:05
  meaning
• 1:06
  attached
• 1:06
  to
• 1:06
  it
• 1:06
  has
• 1:07
  grown
• 1:07
  into
• 1:07
  something
• 1:08
  much
• 1:08
  bigger.
• 1:09
  And
• 1:10
  the
• 1:10
  more
• 1:10
  energy
• 1:11
  you
• 1:11
  pour
• 1:12
  into
• 1:12
  those
• 1:12
  small
• 1:12
  conflicts,
• 1:14
  the
• 1:14
  less
• 1:14
  you
• 1:14
  have
• 1:15
  left
• 1:15
  for
• 1:15
  the
• 1:15
  things
• 1:16
  that
• 1:16
  actually
• 1:16
  matter
• 1:18
  now.
• 1:19
  This
• 1:19
  doesn't
• 1:19
  mean
• 1:20
  small
• 1:20
  frustrations
• 1:21
  aren't
• 1:21
  real.
• 1:22
  They
• 1:22
  are.
• 1:24
  Living
• 1:24
  closely
• 1:24
  with
• 1:25
  another
• 1:25
  person
• 1:26
  means
• 1:26
  you
• 1:26
  will
• 1:26
  notice
• 1:27
  the
• 1:27
  things
• 1:28
  they
• 1:28
  do
• 1:28
  differently
• 1:29
  to
• 1:29
  you.
• 1:30
  That's
• 1:30
  just
• 1:30
  life.
• 1:32
  The
• 1:32
  question
• 1:32
  isn't
• 1:33
  whether
• 1:33
  those
• 1:33
  things
• 1:34
  irritate
• 1:34
  you,
• 1:35
  it's
• 1:36
  whether
• 1:36
  they're
• 1:36
  worth
• 1:37
  the
• 1:37
  cost
• 1:37
  of
• 1:37
  conflict.
• 1:39
  So
• 1:40
  here's
• 1:40
  where
• 1:40
  most
• 1:40
  people
• 1:41
  get
• 1:41
  this
• 1:41
  wrong.
• 1:42
  They
• 1:43
  think
• 1:43
  letting
• 1:43
  small
• 1:44
  things
• 1:44
  go
• 1:45
  means
• 1:45
  being
• 1:45
  a
• 1:45
  pushover,
• 1:46
  like
• 1:47
  they're
• 1:47
  letting
• 1:47
  their
• 1:47
  partner
• 1:48
  off
• 1:48
  the
• 1:49
  hook.
• 1:50
  But
• 1:50
  choosing
• 1:51
  not
• 1:51
  to
• 1:51
  sweat
• 1:52
  the
• 1:52
  small
• 1:52
  stuff
• 1:53
  actually
• 1:53
  takes
• 1:54
  more
• 1:54
  emotional
• 1:55
  intelligence
• 1:55
  than
• 1:56
  fighting
• 1:56
  every
• 1:57
  battle.
• 1:58
  It
• 1:59
  means
• 1:59
  you're
• 1:59
  keeping
• 2:00
  your
• 2:00
  eye
• 2:00
  on
• 2:01
  the
• 2:01
  bigger
• 2:01
  picture,
• 2:02
  the
• 2:03
  relationship
• 2:03
  you're
• 2:04
  building
• 2:04
  together.
• 2:06
  So
• 2:06
  here's
• 2:06
  a
• 2:07
  simple
• 2:07
  tool
• 2:07
  you
• 2:08
  can
• 2:08
  use
• 2:08
  today.
• 2:09
  Before
• 2:10
  you
• 2:10
  react
• 2:10
  to
• 2:11
  something
• 2:11
  that's
• 2:11
  bothering
• 2:11
  you,
• 2:12
  ask
• 2:13
  yourself
• 2:13
  one
• 2:14
  question.
• 2:15
  Will
• 2:15
  this
• 2:16
  matter
• 2:16
  in
• 2:16
  six
• 2:16
  months?
• 2:18
  If
• 2:18
  the
• 2:18
  answer
• 2:19
  is
• 2:19
  no,
• 2:20
  and
• 2:20
  for
• 2:20
  most
• 2:21
  small
• 2:21
  irritations,
• 2:22
  it
• 2:22
  is
• 2:23
  take
• 2:23
  a
• 2:23
  breath
• 2:24
  and
• 2:24
  let
• 2:24
  it
• 2:25
  go.
• 2:26
  And
• 2:26
  as
• 2:26
  you
• 2:27
  let
• 2:27
  it
• 2:27
  go,
• 2:28
  replace
• 2:28
  the
• 2:28
  frustration
• 2:29
  with
• 2:29
  something
• 2:30
  true.
• 2:31
  Remind
• 2:31
  yourself
• 2:32
  of
• 2:32
  one
• 2:33
  thing
• 2:33
  you
• 2:33
  genuinely
• 2:34
  love
• 2:34
  about
• 2:35
  your
• 2:35
  partner,
• 2:36
  because
• 2:36
  that's
• 2:37
  the
• 2:37
  bigger
• 2:37
  truth,
• 2:38
  even
• 2:38
  in
• 2:38
  the
• 2:38
  small
• 2:39
  moments.
• 2:40
  And
• 2:40
  I've
• 2:40
  seen
• 2:41
  this
• 2:41
  simple
• 2:41
  question
• 2:42
  shift
• 2:42
  so
• 2:43
  much
• 2:43
  in
• 2:43
  relationships.
• 2:45
  One
• 2:45
  couple
• 2:46
  I
• 2:46
  worked
• 2:46
  with,
• 2:47
  both
• 2:47
  good
• 2:48
  people,
• 2:48
  genuinely
• 2:49
  in
• 2:49
  love,
• 2:50
  had
• 2:50
  fallen
• 2:51
  into
• 2:51
  a
• 2:51
  pattern
• 2:52
  where
• 2:52
  almost
• 2:52
  every
• 2:53
  evening
• 2:53
  ended
• 2:54
  in
• 2:54
  a
• 2:54
  minor
• 2:55
  the
• 2:56
  bins,
• 2:56
  the
• 2:57
  TV
• 2:57
  volume
• 2:58
  whose
• 2:59
  turn
• 2:59
  it
• 2:59
  was
• 2:59
  to
• 3:00
  feed
• 3:00
  the
• 3:00
  dog.
• 3:01
  She
• 3:02
  told
• 3:02
  me
• 3:02
  we're
• 3:03
  not
• 3:03
  unhappy,
• 3:04
  we're
• 3:04
  just
• 3:05
  constantly
• 3:05
  irritated
• 3:06
  with
• 3:06
  each
• 3:06
  other.
• 3:07
  I
• 3:07
  gave
• 3:08
  them
• 3:08
  the
• 3:08
  six
• 3:08
  months
• 3:09
  question,
• 3:10
  just
• 3:10
  that
• 3:10
  one
• 3:11
  tool.
• 3:12
  Two
• 3:12
  weeks
• 3:12
  later,
• 3:13
  she
• 3:13
  came
• 3:13
  back
• 3:13
  and
• 3:14
  said,
• 3:14
  we've
• 3:15
  barely
• 3:15
  argued.
• 3:16
  It
• 3:16
  turns
• 3:16
  out
• 3:17
  most
• 3:17
  of
• 3:17
  it
• 3:17
  really
• 3:18
  wasn't
• 3:18
  worth
• 3:18
  it.
• 3:19
  So
• 3:20
  here's
• 3:20
  your
• 3:20
  challenge
• 3:21
  for
• 3:21
  today.
• 3:22
  The
• 3:22
  next
• 3:22
  time
• 3:23
  something
• 3:23
  small
• 3:24
  irritates
• 3:24
  you,
• 3:25
  pause
• 3:26
  before
• 3:26
  you
• 3:27
  react.
• 3:28
  Ask
• 3:28
  yourself,
• 3:29
  will
• 3:30
  this
• 3:30
  matter
• 3:30
  in
• 3:30
  six
• 3:31
  months?
• 3:32
  If
• 3:32
  it
• 3:32
  won't,
• 3:33
  and
• 3:34
  it
• 3:34
  probably
• 3:34
  won't,
• 3:35
  let
• 3:35
  it
• 3:35
  go,
• 3:36
  then
• 3:37
  notice
• 3:37
  what
• 3:37
  you
• 3:38
  do
• 3:38
  with
• 3:38
  the
• 3:38
  energy
• 3:39
  you
• 3:39
  would
• 3:39
  have
• 3:39
  spent
• 3:39
  on
• 3:40
  that
• 3:40
  argument.
• 3:42
  Because
• 3:42
  here's
• 3:42
  what
• 3:42
  this
• 3:43
  means.
• 3:43
  Long
• 3:43
  term,
• 3:45
  every
• 3:45
  small
• 3:46
  conflict
• 3:46
  you
• 3:46
  choose
• 3:47
  not
• 3:47
  to
• 3:47
  have
• 3:48
  is
• 3:48
  energy
• 3:49
  you
• 3:49
  get
• 3:49
  to
• 3:50
  put
• 3:50
  somewhere
• 3:50
  better,
• 3:52
  into
• 3:52
  connection,
• 3:53
  into
• 3:53
  warmth,
• 3:54
  into
• 3:55
  actually
• 3:55
  enjoying
• 3:56
  each
• 3:56
  other's
• 3:56
  company.
• 3:58
  And
• 3:58
  that
• 3:59
  choice,
• 3:59
  made
• 4:00
  again
• 4:00
  and
• 4:00
  again,
• 4:01
  is
• 4:01
  what
• 4:01
  turns
• 4:02
  a
• 4:02
  relationship
• 4:03
  from
• 4:03
  a
• 4:03
  place
• 4:03
  of
• 4:04
  friction
• 4:04
  into
• 4:05
  a
• 4:05
  place
• 4:05
  of
• 4:05
  genuine
• 4:06
  peace.
• 4:07
  The
• 4:08
  small
• 4:08
  stuff
• 4:08
  isn't
• 4:09
  worth
• 4:09
  it.
• 4:10
  Your
• 4:10
  relationship
• 4:11
  is.
• 4:12
  Save
• 4:13
  your
• 4:13
  energy
• 4:13
  for
• 4:14
  what
• 4:14
  matters
• 4:14
  today.
• 4:15
  And
• 4:16
  next
• 4:16
  time
• 4:16
  something
• 4:17
  small
• 4:17
  irritates
• 4:18
  you,
• 4:18
  ask
• 4:19
  the
• 4:19
  six
• 4:19
  months
• 4:20
  question
• 4:20
  before
• 4:21
  you
• 4:21
  react.
• 4:22
  Most
• 4:23
  of
• 4:23
  it
• 4:23
  won't
• 4:23
  be
• 4:23
  worth
• 4:24
  it.
• 4:24
  And
• 4:25
  knowing
• 4:25
  that
• 4:25
  is
• 4:26
  genuinely
• 4:26
  freeing.
• 4:28
  Now,
• 4:28
  if
• 4:29
  you've
• 4:29
  been
• 4:29
  listening
• 4:29
  for
• 4:30
  a
• 4:30
  while
• 4:30
  and
• 4:30
  you're
• 4:31
  ready
• 4:31
  to
• 4:31
  go
• 4:31
  a
• 4:31
  bit
• 4:32
  deeper,
• 4:32
  I've
• 4:33
  built
• 4:33
  a
• 4:33
  full
• 4:33
  course
• 4:34
  that
• 4:34
  walks
• 4:35
  you
• 4:35
  through
• 4:35
  all
• 4:35
  of
• 4:36
  this,
• 4:36
  step
• 4:36
  by
• 4:37
  step.
• 4:38
  It's
• 4:38
  everything
• 4:39
  I
• 4:39
  share
• 4:39
  here
• 4:40
  in
• 4:40
  order
• 4:41
  with
• 4:41
  the
• 4:41
  structure
• 4:42
  to
• 4:42
  actually
• 4:42
  make
• 4:43
  it
• 4:43
  stick.
• 4:44
  You'll
• 4:45
  find
• 4:45
  it
• 4:45
  at
• 4:46
  daily
• 4:46
  relationship
• 4:47
  tips.com
• 4:49
  if
• 4:49
  you're
• 4:49
  at
• 4:50
  the
• 4:50
  point
• 4:50
  where
• 4:50
  you
• 4:51
  want
• 4:51
  real,
• 4:52
  lasting
• 4:52
  change
• 4:53
  rather
• 4:54
  than
• 4:54
  one
• 4:54
  tip
• 4:54
  at
• 4:54
  a
• 4:55
  time,
• 4:55
  that's
• 4:56
  where
• 4:56
  I'd
• 4:56
  start.
• 4:57
  Thanks
• 4:58
  for
• 4:58
  listening
• 4:58
  and
• 4:59
  I'll
• 4:59
  see
• 4:59
  you
• 4:59
  in
• 5:00
  the
• 5:00
  next
• 5:00
  episode.