Latest / Community Routes / Episode 113: Holiday Help 2025

Transcript

Episode 113: Holiday Help 2025 · Community Routes

• 0:01
  Samuel Richards: Hey everyone, welcome to
• 0:03
  Samuel Richards: Community Roots, a place where
• 0:05
  Samuel Richards: we gather and community to talk
• 0:07
  Samuel Richards: about mental health so we can
• 0:08
  Samuel Richards: travel the journey of life
• 0:09
  Samuel Richards: together.
• 0:10
  Samuel Richards: I'm Samuel Richards.
• 0:11
  Julie: I'm Julie Richards.
• 0:13
  Sarah: I'm Sarah Wakefield.
• 0:16
  Samuel Richards: And happy holidays.
• 0:18
  Samuel Richards: Um. Yet again, we've made it to
• 0:20
  Samuel Richards: that time of year where I think
• 0:22
  Samuel Richards: we just wish, like four or five
• 0:25
  Samuel Richards: holidays together.
• 0:27
  Samuel Richards: Um, at the end of the year.
• 0:29
  Samuel Richards: And, uh, a tradition within
• 0:31
  Samuel Richards: community roots is we like to
• 0:33
  Samuel Richards: take this time and support those
• 0:36
  Samuel Richards: who, um, you know, I think a lot
• 0:38
  Samuel Richards: of us go through this, but just
• 0:40
  Samuel Richards: have a hard time during the
• 0:43
  Samuel Richards: holidays.
• 0:44
  Samuel Richards: Uh, that can be a combination of, you know, family kind of
• 0:48
  Samuel Richards: getting together after not being together for a year.
• 0:52
  Samuel Richards: Um, it can mean memories from past years.
• 0:56
  Samuel Richards: Um, it can mean we've talked about this in the past as well.
• 1:00
  Samuel Richards: But like the feeling of loss for something that never happened.
• 1:04
  Samuel Richards: So it could be, you know, memories that never occurred.
• 1:08
  Samuel Richards: Um, but, uh, it feels good to be back.
• 1:11
  Samuel Richards: And it feels good to be talking about, you know, holiday help.
• 1:16
  Samuel Richards: So help.
• 1:17
  Samuel Richards: Mom.
• 1:19
  Samuel Richards: Let's talk it.
• 1:21
  Julie: It is an important conversation for us to lean into, because it
• 1:24
  Julie: is what is already happening that this time of year is full
• 1:28
  Julie: of so much expectation.
• 1:31
  Julie: And you know the what is shown in the hallmark movie or in
• 1:36
  Sarah: And
• 1:37
  Julie: our
• 1:37
  Sarah: the
• 1:38
  Julie: idyllic here's what I
• 1:39
  Sarah: U.S..
• 1:39
  Julie: was hoping for.
• 1:41
  Julie: Or it just is way more
• 1:45
  Sarah: Army
• 1:46
  Julie: than
• 1:46
  Sarah: Corps of.
• 1:46
  Julie: that, right?
• 1:47
  Julie: As far as our to do list might be longer,
• 1:51
  Sarah: Engineers.
• 1:51
  Julie: or activity lists of things that we could squeeze in.
• 1:55
  Sarah: And.
• 1:55
  Julie: Um, so it's taking more time and energy from our normal routine
• 2:02
  Julie: and schedule, and spreading us a little more thin.
• 2:06
  Julie: And depending on
• 2:07
  Sarah: Three.
• 2:07
  Julie: what your job situation is for year end
• 2:10
  Sarah: One.
• 2:10
  Julie: requirements or finishing things
• 2:13
  Julie: up before you know school has
• 2:16
  Julie: time off or businesses have time
• 2:18
  Julie: off, or there's just a lot that
• 2:20
  Julie: converges right up to the
• 2:23
  Julie: deadline of the holiday
• 2:25
  Julie: starting.
• 2:27
  Julie: So sometimes when we talk about
• 2:29
  Julie: how to have strong support to
• 2:32
  Julie: get through something, we check
• 2:34
  Julie: in on
• 2:35
  Sarah: Three.
• 2:36
  Julie: what is our level of support before, during
• 2:41
  Sarah: Three.
• 2:41
  Julie: and after our hard times that we're going through.
• 2:45
  Julie: And the before is always our continual
• 2:49
  Sarah: Oh.
• 2:49
  Julie: how do we take care of ourselves?
• 2:51
  Julie: Are we
• 2:52
  Sarah: Three.
• 2:52
  Julie: making time for movement and exercise
• 2:56
  Samuel Richards: Mhm.
• 2:56
  Sarah: The great.
• 2:56
  Julie: and nutrition and sleep and
• 2:58
  Julie: hydration and those core things
• 3:01
  Julie: realizing, even as I say that,
• 3:04
  Julie: that the.
• 3:05
  Julie: This time of year, those are all sometimes tapped out to like,
• 3:09
  Julie: you're already at a time of year where we maybe don't get as much
• 3:13
  Julie: sleep if we're trying to do so many activities or,
• 3:16
  Samuel Richards: Mhm.
• 3:16
  Julie: um, lots of family interactions or work parties
• 3:21
  Sarah: News
• 3:21
  Julie: or extra things
• 3:22
  Sarah: is
• 3:23
  Julie: on the calendar, extra
• 3:24
  Sarah: that.
• 3:24
  Julie: things on the budget, there's just a lot of areas that we
• 3:29
  Julie: might be tapped pretty thin.
• 3:32
  Julie: So the before is often starting from a depleted place.
• 3:40
  Samuel Richards: That makes a ton of sense to me.
• 3:43
  Samuel Richards: I feel like uh last Thursday we went
• 3:47
  Sarah: In.
• 3:47
  Samuel Richards: out with friends and I'm still recovering and it's been like
• 3:50
  Samuel Richards: four or five days.
• 3:53
  Samuel Richards: And even though I was like oh
• 3:54
  Samuel Richards: I'll just stay up a little bit
• 3:55
  Samuel Richards: later tonight.
• 3:57
  Samuel Richards: Um, now I'm having to do end of year work reports and trying to
• 4:01
  Samuel Richards: fit it all in when I'm, you know, a hair bit grumpy, a hair
• 4:07
  Samuel Richards: bit less sleep, and even a time like a winter time when I'd
• 4:11
  Samuel Richards: expect more sleep.
• 4:14
  Samuel Richards: You know, I'm going to bed
• 4:15
  Sarah: So
• 4:15
  Samuel Richards: at
• 4:15
  Sarah: if
• 4:15
  Samuel Richards: still
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  Sarah: we're already
• 4:16
  Samuel Richards: late
• 4:16
  Sarah: in
• 4:16
  Samuel Richards: hours
• 4:16
  Sarah: this depleted state, what
• 4:18
  Samuel Richards: and
• 4:18
  Sarah: can we be
• 4:19
  Samuel Richards: waking.
• 4:19
  Sarah: doing to get us to net neutral to a
• 4:24
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 4:24
  Sarah: better baseline, taking in all of these factors?
• 4:34
  Julie: I think definitely the awareness of where are we at when we go to
• 4:41
  Julie: check in our check engine light, so to speak.
• 4:45
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 4:45
  Julie: We have to be able to acknowledge, like, wow, I'm
• 4:48
  Julie: putting a lot more on my plate or on my budget or on my like,
• 4:53
  Julie: I'm burning the candle at both ends, so to speak.
• 4:55
  Julie: Like whatever it is, the very first thing we do is realize
• 5:01
  Julie: that, you know, notice
• 5:03
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 5:03
  Julie: that there's a lot of things
• 5:05
  Julie: that I'm stretching myself thin
• 5:07
  Julie: on and what what I've really
• 5:10
  Julie: noticed for a lot of folks, and
• 5:13
  Julie: often myself included, is just
• 5:15
  Julie: we hit override on our nervous
• 5:18
  Julie: system.
• 5:18
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 5:18
  Julie: Like we go, oh, I could I could probably do one more thing, or I
• 5:22
  Julie: could stay up a little later or it's like, it's just that one
• 5:26
  Julie: particular thing and we we kind of forget sometimes the context
• 5:29
  Julie: of there's a lot of things that have been depleting
• 5:33
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 5:34
  Julie: or the reflections, you know, that are kind of typical at this
• 5:38
  Julie: time of year.
• 5:38
  Julie: You look back on, whoa, we have
• 5:40
  Julie: been through a lot this year,
• 5:42
  Julie: and remembering
• 5:43
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 5:44
  Julie: what you've gone through individually or in your family
• 5:48
  Julie: system or in your workplace, that there's an A cumulative
• 5:54
  Julie: effect of everything that is kind of converging that the
• 6:00
  Julie: first thing to do with it is to be able to acknowledge that and
• 6:04
  Julie: to sit in the reality
• 6:04
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 6:05
  Julie: of that, like these things do take a toll, and that I am human
• 6:10
  Julie: and I do have limits, and I can't constantly hit override
• 6:14
  Julie: and expect that my body's going to be okay.
• 6:19
  Julie: And I think that's hard for especially when when sometimes
• 6:22
  Julie: people have a really large capacity to do a lot of things
• 6:26
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 6:26
  Julie: well, and they're used to overfunctioning or used to you
• 6:30
  Julie: just keep going because that's what you gotta do.
• 6:33
  Julie: There's, you know, this is what's required of me.
• 6:36
  Julie: I have to just make it happen.
• 6:39
  Julie: But then we end up kind of disconnected from our body or
• 6:44
  Julie: our experience where our body's trying to cue us and tell us,
• 6:48
  Julie: okay, this is too much.
• 6:49
  Sarah: And.
• 6:50
  Julie: Need to slow down, and sometimes
• 6:54
  Julie: it's not until we have more of
• 6:57
  Julie: a, you know, physical health
• 6:59
  Julie: that fails
• 7:00
  Sarah: One.
• 7:00
  Julie: in whatever way that our bodies like I've done, I'm tapped out
• 7:05
  Julie: like I can't keep doing it, that it finally gets our attention.
• 7:10
  Julie: So that, I think, leads into
• 7:14
  Sarah: Hundred
• 7:14
  Julie: the what do we do during
• 7:15
  Sarah: and.
• 7:15
  Julie: is kind of what you're asking,
• 7:17
  Julie: Sarah, in a way, because it's
• 7:18
  Julie: like, okay, we already know
• 7:19
  Julie: we're there.
• 7:19
  Julie: We're already there.
• 7:20
  Julie: This the bells and whistles
• 7:22
  Samuel Richards: Yeah
• 7:22
  Julie: are going
• 7:22
  Samuel Richards: I'm
• 7:22
  Julie: off.
• 7:23
  Julie: The siren
• 7:23
  Samuel Richards: tapped.
• 7:23
  Julie: is already like,
• 7:25
  Sarah: Thirty.
• 7:25
  Julie: so I have the awareness of that.
• 7:27
  Julie: What do I do
• 7:27
  Sarah: Five.
• 7:28
  Julie: during like we're in the middle right now of multiple holidays,
• 7:33
  Julie: back to back and
• 7:35
  Samuel Richards: Mhm.
• 7:35
  Julie: different extra added activities.
• 7:39
  Julie: What do
• 7:39
  Sarah: Well,
• 7:39
  Julie: we do
• 7:39
  Sarah: I was
• 7:39
  Julie: during.
• 7:40
  Sarah: thinking, too, of planning for how to approach my holidays
• 7:45
  Sarah: before I, you know, knowing that if I was at like negative
• 7:52
  Sarah: energy, negative bandwidth, negative emotional, mental
• 7:57
  Sarah: capacity, you know, um, being in that state, knowing that you
• 8:03
  Sarah: have something coming up.
• 8:05
  Sarah: And, um, so, so what I'm hearing is
• 8:09
  Julie: Mhm.
• 8:09
  Sarah: the awareness is a huge component and also scaling back.
• 8:15
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 8:16
  Sarah: And I don't I know that that's not always possible.
• 8:18
  Julie: Mhm.
• 8:19
  Sarah: Um, but it sounds like there's a lot of a lot of awareness to
• 8:24
  Sarah: bring to what you're putting on yourself and what you actually
• 8:28
  Sarah: have room for, and that maybe instead of instead
• 8:35
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 8:35
  Julie: Mhm.
• 8:35
  Sarah: of trying to meet all these expectations for the holidays,
• 8:39
  Sarah: it's about your own health, your own mental health and, um, um,
• 8:46
  Sarah: putting that as a priority.
• 8:48
  Sarah: But then also
• 8:49
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 8:49
  Sarah: so Julie, you're leading us into this during.
• 8:51
  Sarah: So let's say we're we've, we've we're tapped out.
• 8:54
  Sarah: We're in right now.
• 8:55
  Sarah: We're in the middle of all this holiday, uh, the expectations,
• 8:59
  Sarah: the performance, the the desire to have a great holiday and the
• 9:03
  Sarah: true like love you want to bring and time you want to spend with
• 9:07
  Julie: Mhm.
• 9:07
  Sarah: loved ones.
• 9:09
  Sarah: But let's say you're already
• 9:10
  Sarah: tapped out and you're kind of
• 9:12
  Sarah: hitting override.
• 9:13
  Sarah: The alarm bells are going off and now you're in the during
• 9:17
  Sarah: you're in your holidays, you're in your holiday events.
• 9:21
  Sarah: Um, and if we were on override, talk to us about how to cope
• 9:28
  Sarah: with the during.
• 9:34
  Julie: Yeah. I think one of the things is to as best you can set up
• 9:39
  Julie: those supports within your own system of I'm going to start
• 9:46
  Julie: this day with the foundational things of of food and drinking
• 9:54
  Julie: water and getting rest.
• 9:56
  Julie: And I'm gonna check in with
• 9:57
  Julie: myself, even if it's very, very
• 10:00
  Julie: basic.
• 10:02
  Julie: My two feet are on the floor, or
• 10:04
  Julie: I'm noticing my in-breath and my
• 10:07
  Julie: outbreath, or I'm even taking
• 10:11
  Julie: moments to kind of allow for
• 10:15
  Julie: some organic stretch of just
• 10:18
  Julie: releasing muscle tension, of
• 10:21
  Julie: just kind of stretching and
• 10:22
  Julie: allowing some movement in our
• 10:24
  Julie: body, even as we're maybe
• 10:26
  Julie: interacting and mingling with
• 10:28
  Julie: family or you've, you know,
• 10:30
  Julie: everybody's having their
• 10:32
  Julie: conversations.
• 10:34
  Julie: It's okay to rotate your joints
• 10:37
  Julie: a little bit or stretch your
• 10:38
  Julie: muscles or like, have movement
• 10:41
  Julie: as part of not that you're going
• 10:44
  Julie: to go into your Richard Simmons
• 10:46
  Julie: aerobics.
• 10:47
  Sarah: Yes,
• 10:47
  Julie: I don't know
• 10:47
  Sarah: we
• 10:47
  Julie: if
• 10:47
  Sarah: get
• 10:47
  Julie: anybody
• 10:48
  Sarah: it, we
• 10:48
  Julie: has
• 10:48
  Sarah: get
• 10:48
  Julie: that reference
• 10:48
  Sarah: it.
• 10:49
  Julie: or not, but, um,
• 10:50
  Samuel Richards: Man
• 10:51
  Sarah: Woo
• 10:51
  Samuel Richards: with
• 10:51
  Sarah: hoo!
• 10:51
  Samuel Richards: a reference.
• 10:52
  Julie: look at me giving a reference, but like, it's not like you're
• 10:55
  Julie: gonna just suddenly go into this strange exercise routine, but
• 11:00
  Julie: just that we don't have to.
• 11:02
  Julie: I guess the awareness of we don't have to hold everything so
• 11:05
  Julie: clenched and tight.
• 11:07
  Julie: We can check in on our on our jaw or on our, um, our arms or
• 11:14
  Julie: shoulders and just kind of release a little bit.
• 11:17
  Julie: Even just little micro moments all throughout the time is a way
• 11:22
  Julie: of staying connected to our body and to what we're experiencing
• 11:27
  Julie: and know that, like, we're not going to have a lot of
• 11:30
  Julie: processing that's happening in the moment, because that's where
• 11:35
  Julie: we have to do the work of after.
• 11:38
  Julie: During.
• 11:38
  Julie: It's more, how do I undergird myself?
• 11:41
  Julie: How do I surround myself with support?
• 11:44
  Julie: How am I tending to my body so that my body can tend to me, and
• 11:50
  Julie: that I'm in touch with myself?
• 11:52
  Julie: As far as my needs and my limits
• 11:56
  Julie: and what I can't put more on my
• 11:59
  Julie: plate physically or
• 12:01
  Julie: metaphorically, emotionally,
• 12:02
  Julie: relationally.
• 12:03
  Julie: Like I have to break things down into smaller amounts
• 12:08
  Sarah: I
• 12:08
  Julie: of
• 12:08
  Sarah: really
• 12:09
  Julie: what
• 12:09
  Sarah: like
• 12:09
  Julie: feels
• 12:09
  Sarah: that.
• 12:09
  Julie: possible.
• 12:09
  Sarah: Break things down into smaller amounts.
• 12:18
  Samuel Richards: And we kind of talked about this a little bit too.
• 12:20
  Samuel Richards: Last time we were kind of discussing, you know, uh, how to
• 12:25
  Samuel Richards: balance, you know, being present versus just like noticing.
• 12:31
  Samuel Richards: And I really liked the analogy we came up with which like, sort
• 12:36
  Samuel Richards: of you have your being present, right, which is feeling your
• 12:39
  Samuel Richards: feet on the ground or feeling sort of, uh, in the moment or
• 12:45
  Samuel Richards: with the people around you.
• 12:47
  Samuel Richards: And then we talked about this sort of watchtower, like one
• 12:50
  Samuel Richards: where you kind of go to your mind, Palace of just like, oh,
• 12:56
  Samuel Richards: I'm being very or like, kind of stepping away from the situation
• 13:01
  Samuel Richards: and looking at the situation almost from a TV perspective of
• 13:05
  Samuel Richards: this is what's happening.
• 13:06
  Samuel Richards: And I'm looking in as a way to both notice and experience
• 13:12
  Samuel Richards: things, you know, from a different perspective and see
• 13:16
  Samuel Richards: like, oh, my boundaries might be being crossed there.
• 13:20
  Samuel Richards: Like, oh, if I, if I saw this on
• 13:22
  Samuel Richards: somebody else, then I would
• 13:23
  Samuel Richards: probably feel a little bit
• 13:26
  Samuel Richards: differently about this, but also
• 13:28
  Samuel Richards: balancing that sort of escapism
• 13:30
  Samuel Richards: or that other perspective with,
• 13:33
  Samuel Richards: you know, the being present and
• 13:35
  Samuel Richards: just, you know, finding the
• 13:36
  Samuel Richards: times to enjoy yourself or, you
• 13:39
  Samuel Richards: know, uh, just doing that daily
• 13:41
  Samuel Richards: practice of trying to focus on
• 13:43
  Samuel Richards: being present so that we can,
• 13:45
  Samuel Richards: like, live life rather than just
• 13:47
  Samuel Richards: watch life.
• 13:49
  Samuel Richards: Um.
• 13:52
  Samuel Richards: Yeah.
• 13:52
  Julie: And there
• 13:52
  Samuel Richards: And.
• 13:53
  Julie: there might be with that some both.
• 13:57
  Julie: And I think like because there's the
• 13:59
  Sarah: In.
• 13:59
  Julie: the noticing how you're, you're
• 14:01
  Julie: feeling in that moment in the
• 14:03
  Julie: relational space.
• 14:05
  Julie: Are we doing okay?
• 14:06
  Julie: Do I feel safe?
• 14:07
  Julie: Do do
• 14:08
  Sarah: Our.
• 14:08
  Julie: I feel connected or cared for?
• 14:11
  Julie: Or
• 14:11
  Sarah: Case.
• 14:12
  Julie: does it not feel that way or
• 14:15
  Julie: something feels more, um, raw or
• 14:19
  Julie: vulnerable?
• 14:20
  Julie: Like I can kind of check in with myself
• 14:21
  Sarah: We have.
• 14:22
  Julie: and using that image of that
• 14:24
  Julie: watchtower of I'm gonna put in
• 14:26
  Julie: an extra buffer, an extra
• 14:28
  Julie: boundary of where I can step
• 14:31
  Julie: back a little bit if I need to
• 14:33
  Julie: and not have everything land
• 14:34
  Julie: right on me, or that I absorb
• 14:37
  Julie: all of the energy of someone
• 14:39
  Julie: else's emotion or experience
• 14:41
  Julie: like that.
• 14:42
  Julie: I can imagine that I have a bit of a safe space within me that I
• 14:47
  Julie: carry with me.
• 14:48
  Julie: Um, that is that extra internal boundary of I don't I don't have
• 14:55
  Julie: to just pick up on every word, every conversation, every
• 15:00
  Julie: emotion, every energy that's there that it's I don't have to
• 15:04
  Julie: pick all that up.
• 15:05
  Julie: I don't have to absorb all that, all of that.
• 15:08
  Julie: I can somewhat let some things
• 15:12
  Julie: be, you know, that I'll just be
• 15:16
  Julie: in that observer stance, in that
• 15:19
  Julie: in my wise self, I can just kind
• 15:23
  Julie: of note what's happening, just
• 15:25
  Julie: observing it.
• 15:26
  Julie: And, you know, a technique that we can use with that is to kind
• 15:30
  Julie: of separate out what are the things that I see or hear or
• 15:37
  Julie: that I can observe, but then I don't necessarily react to it.
• 15:44
  Julie: Just because it's happening
• 15:45
  Julie: doesn't mean I have to have
• 15:47
  Julie: feelings about it or react to it
• 15:51
  Julie: if I want to process it more
• 15:53
  Julie: later.
• 15:55
  Julie: That becomes part of the aftercare that becomes, that's
• 15:59
  Julie: something that I'm going to have to spend some more time on.
• 16:01
  Julie: Like if something if there's a comment that particularly feels
• 16:04
  Julie: hurtful or doesn't sit right or something that is too much, then
• 16:11
  Julie: you can kind of put a little sticky note in your mind of
• 16:16
  Julie: like, okay, this is something I probably need to revisit for
• 16:19
  Julie: myself at some point, but I don't have to have the pressure
• 16:22
  Julie: of feeling all my feelings about it right there in that moment
• 16:26
  Julie: that I can know part of the after is going to be refueling
• 16:32
  Julie: myself, getting more rest, doing things that I enjoy, really
• 16:38
  Julie: taking good care of myself.
• 16:39
  Julie: And then some of that aftercare is, here's what I need to
• 16:44
  Julie: revisit for myself and process a little bit further in my therapy
• 16:50
  Julie: session, or with my safe people or my journal, or whatever
• 16:55
  Julie: reflection I want to have after the event or after the holidays,
• 17:01
  Julie: or where did I feel something was left kind of
• 17:05
  Sarah: Julie,
• 17:05
  Julie: unresolved?
• 17:06
  Sarah: I just had a thought that it
• 17:07
  Sarah: sounds like you're creating
• 17:09
  Sarah: space for
• 17:09
  Julie: Like.
• 17:09
  Sarah: yourself in these difficult moments.
• 17:13
  Sarah: So you're you're not you're choosing when to participate.
• 17:18
  Sarah: So you do want to be present,
• 17:19
  Sarah: but also you're choosing when to
• 17:21
  Sarah: react.
• 17:22
  Sarah: You're observing and saying,
• 17:24
  Sarah: okay, I have you know, you're
• 17:26
  Sarah: having a great connection with
• 17:28
  Sarah: someone.
• 17:29
  Sarah: You're creating that space and
• 17:32
  Sarah: you can be present in that
• 17:33
  Sarah: moment.
• 17:33
  Sarah: But if you're having, you know, a talk or, you know, aren't
• 17:40
  Sarah: saying something that is rubbing you the wrong way, you know, by
• 17:45
  Sarah: putting up a boundary or that watchtower glass between you and
• 17:50
  Sarah: your environment, you're sounds like you're creating space for
• 17:52
  Sarah: yourself even in the during.
• 17:57
  Sarah: So not just before, but during.
• 17:59
  Sarah: You're also like putting up room
• 18:01
  Julie: Mhm.
• 18:02
  Sarah: for yourself to, to protect
• 18:04
  Sarah: yourself so you don't have to
• 18:05
  Sarah: react.
• 18:05
  Sarah: Then you don't have
• 18:06
  Julie: Mhm
• 18:06
  Sarah: to carry
• 18:06
  Julie: mhm.
• 18:07
  Sarah: whatever's being said or done or whatever the the moment is.
• 18:14
  Sarah: Am I getting that right?
• 18:20
  Julie: Yeah I think it's definitely that internal boundary.
• 18:23
  Julie: Whatever imagery that is helpful.
• 18:26
  Julie: It's putting in some extra buffer that something can even
• 18:30
  Julie: bounce off of.
• 18:32
  Julie: You know I've, I've had the
• 18:34
  Julie: sound effect that some clients
• 18:36
  Julie: like to add to it, like Boeing,
• 18:38
  Julie: like like just let it not absorb
• 18:41
  Julie: into me.
• 18:42
  Julie: There's gonna be something there to buffer it.
• 18:45
  Julie: And the the reality of this, in
• 18:47
  Julie: all fairness, is that sometimes
• 18:49
  Julie: because we have an autonomic
• 18:51
  Julie: nervous system that is designed
• 18:53
  Julie: to keep us alive, there are
• 18:56
  Julie: times that we will have a
• 18:57
  Julie: reaction that is so fast and so
• 18:59
  Julie: automatic that we have a hard
• 19:01
  Julie: time slowing it down, and so we
• 19:04
  Julie: can kind of go into part of us
• 19:06
  Julie: wants to go into that fight,
• 19:08
  Julie: flight, freeze, shutdown, like
• 19:10
  Julie: all these reactions that are
• 19:11
  Julie: happening on a physiological
• 19:13
  Julie: level.
• 19:14
  Julie: We call it like a neuro ception,
• 19:16
  Julie: that it's even beyond our
• 19:18
  Julie: conscious awareness that it's
• 19:19
  Julie: already going on in the
• 19:20
  Julie: background.
• 19:21
  Julie: There's already interpretation
• 19:22
  Julie: happening by our unconscious
• 19:25
  Julie: layers.
• 19:26
  Julie: So I want to acknowledge that too, because it's not just
• 19:29
  Julie: making a choice, it's not just having a boundary or a plan.
• 19:34
  Julie: Those are all important things.
• 19:37
  Julie: Those are all great things.
• 19:39
  Julie: If our prefrontal cortex is online and available to us,
• 19:42
  Julie: because that's where our coping skills are, that's where our
• 19:45
  Julie: functional adult is.
• 19:47
  Julie: And sometimes, you know, that's where we sometimes have an
• 19:51
  Julie: emotional kind of limbic brain flipped lid experience.
• 19:55
  Julie: And if that is happening tends to be really, really fast.
• 19:59
  Julie: And that's when we want to as best we can notice it, hold it
• 20:04
  Julie: lightly, step back a little bit, give ourselves a chance to get
• 20:07
  Julie: our footing, breathe, pause.
• 20:10
  Julie: Anything that we can do.
• 20:11
  Julie: Drinking water.
• 20:12
  Julie: You know, things that are kind of trying to bring some safety
• 20:16
  Julie: back to the brain and the nervous system to remind us,
• 20:19
  Julie: okay, we're okay.
• 20:20
  Julie: There's not a bear right here.
• 20:22
  Julie: It feels particularly raw.
• 20:25
  Julie: It feels particularly vulnerable.
• 20:27
  Julie: It maybe brings a strong reaction in our body, sensations
• 20:32
  Julie: in our physiology.
• 20:34
  Julie: That's something that we can note.
• 20:37
  Julie: That's something that we can say, oh, that that just hit me
• 20:41
  Julie: in in a way that I want to really give extra care to my
• 20:46
  Julie: body and my heart and my mind after this, where the ripple
• 20:53
  Julie: effects of each day or hard interactions or conversations or
• 20:59
  Julie: family of origin dynamics that might have, you know, layers
• 21:03
  Julie: that are coming up that's going to need a little bit more time
• 21:08
  Julie: and attention even after you decide to go home or call it a
• 21:13
  Julie: day or the day ends.
• 21:14
  Julie: Like that's the remembering that
• 21:16
  Julie: we don't fully process time as
• 21:19
  Julie: it's happening.
• 21:19
  Julie: It's still needs some work.
• 21:22
  Julie: So there's the circling back at
• 21:24
  Julie: the end to say, okay, how did I
• 21:27
  Julie: do?
• 21:27
  Julie: How can I take good care of myself now?
• 21:30
  Julie: What's the rest that I need.
• 21:32
  Julie: Are there things I can take off of my list or make things a
• 21:36
  Julie: little bit lighter, a little bit easier while I'm recovering from
• 21:41
  Julie: lots of even fun activities?
• 21:44
  Julie: We need rest from, you know, just
• 21:47
  Samuel Richards: Fun
• 21:47
  Julie: being
• 21:47
  Samuel Richards: can be
• 21:47
  Julie: with.
• 21:47
  Samuel Richards: exhausting.
• 21:48
  Julie: Yeah, fun is exhausting, and being around people takes a lot.
• 21:54
  Julie: You know, everybody has their
• 21:56
  Julie: emotions and stressors and
• 22:01
  Julie: meanings and connections and
• 22:03
  Julie: that's all.
• 22:03
  Julie: It's like all these.
• 22:04
  Julie: It's a room full of nervous systems speaking to each other.
• 22:08
  Julie: And so there needs to be just
• 22:09
  Julie: some settling that can happen,
• 22:12
  Julie: or some releasing of the tension
• 22:15
  Julie: or constriction that we hold,
• 22:16
  Julie: that we bring it to a place of
• 22:19
  Julie: expansion again and release so
• 22:22
  Julie: that it's not just buried,
• 22:24
  Julie: stuffed, held, built up, not
• 22:27
  Julie: dealt with.
• 22:30
  Samuel Richards: Yeah, I, I really like the idea of, like, even keeping space for
• 22:35
  Samuel Richards: that after, you know too, so that even in the moment when you
• 22:40
  Samuel Richards: realize it's big, like, you know, mentally even setting
• 22:43
  Samuel Richards: aside some time.
• 22:44
  Samuel Richards: But I know we're going a little
• 22:46
  Samuel Richards: bit long for what we were
• 22:48
  Samuel Richards: thinking, but I still wanted to
• 22:49
  Samuel Richards: talk about sort of one more
• 22:51
  Samuel Richards: question.
• 22:53
  Samuel Richards: Uh, and maybe, uh, so I'm kind of imagining this situation that
• 22:57
  Samuel Richards: I'm in a holiday environment, I'm feeling overwhelmed and that
• 23:02
  Samuel Richards: the blood is leaving my frontal cortex and going to my amygdala.
• 23:07
  Samuel Richards: Um, do you have maybe can you speak on or some internal
• 23:14
  Samuel Richards: dialogues or some affirmations that, you know, I can hold space
• 23:19
  Samuel Richards: for myself or try and, like, step away from the situation or
• 23:23
  Samuel Richards: just like, you know, more of a mental the mental hurdle of, oh,
• 23:29
  Samuel Richards: I don't want to break the status quo in order to help myself.
• 23:34
  Samuel Richards: Could you maybe like some tips for that situation?
• 23:39
  Julie: I think one thing would be noticing our anchors looking
• 23:43
  Julie: around like, even if you are in the room, you can kind of just
• 23:48
  Julie: let your gaze go to something that feels soothing to you.
• 23:53
  Julie: You can look for a color in
• 23:54
  Samuel Richards: Mm
• 23:54
  Julie: the room.
• 23:55
  Julie: You can notice
• 23:56
  Samuel Richards: mm.
• 23:56
  Julie: what's going on at the window.
• 23:58
  Julie: Like as far as is, what's the
• 24:00
  Julie: weather doing right now or is
• 24:03
  Julie: there something?
• 24:04
  Julie: Is there a plant in the room?
• 24:06
  Julie: Get curious
• 24:07
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 24:07
  Julie: about something within the room that just kind of feels either
• 24:12
  Julie: neutral or pleasant, or that you can just kind of pause and
• 24:17
  Julie: notice, even if you're doing that for 10s five seconds,
• 24:21
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 24:22
  Julie: or maybe linger there a little longer and just kind of give
• 24:26
  Julie: your nervous system, some refreshment throughout the time
• 24:30
  Julie: that you're there.
• 24:31
  Julie: You know, I think that is progress that is getting in tune
• 24:39
  Julie: with the moment and realizing that that I have choices, what I
• 24:44
  Julie: can put my focus on, that I can notice good things, nourishing
• 24:50
  Julie: things, safe things, and find those cues of safety.
• 24:54
  Julie: And if I if my neuro ception is picking up on a cue of danger of
• 24:58
  Julie: something that doesn't feel okay, I can step back from that.
• 25:02
  Julie: I can I can move away, or I can take a bathroom break or I can
• 25:07
  Julie: even step outside.
• 25:09
  Julie: I've had people talk about, you
• 25:12
  Julie: know, the weather's going to be
• 25:13
  Julie: mild.
• 25:14
  Julie: I'm going to be taking a lap
• 25:15
  Julie: around the neighborhood or
• 25:16
  Julie: something.
• 25:17
  Julie: I'm just gonna spend
• 25:18
  Samuel Richards: It's a good
• 25:18
  Julie: a
• 25:18
  Samuel Richards: idea.
• 25:18
  Julie: little bit of time outside.
• 25:21
  Julie: Um. Just getting a break from the intensity of everybody in
• 25:27
  Julie: small quarters is to just say, if this gets to be a little bit
• 25:32
  Julie: much for me, it's okay if I take a break and I and I step back a
• 25:37
  Julie: little bit and
• 25:38
  Sarah: Mm.
• 25:38
  Julie: help myself feel more at ease.
• 25:42
  Julie: That
• 25:42
  Sarah: Mm.
• 25:42
  Julie: is going to give
• 25:43
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 25:43
  Julie: off to others cues of safety, that it's
• 25:46
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 25:46
  Julie: okay that we take care of ourselves.
• 25:49
  Julie: It's we have permission to have needs, you know,
• 25:52
  Samuel Richards: Mm.
• 25:52
  Julie: and and when I do that for myself, I also extend that
• 25:55
  Julie: permission to other people to.
• 25:57
  Samuel Richards: Mm. I like that.
• 26:01
  Samuel Richards: Um, well, uh, I appreciate you joining us.
• 26:05
  Samuel Richards: It's always a pleasure to have, uh, the three of us together.
• 26:09
  Samuel Richards: Uh, and I'm so excited that we
• 26:10
  Samuel Richards: can kind of expand this message
• 26:12
  Samuel Richards: out.
• 26:13
  Samuel Richards: Um, something that we wanted to
• 26:15
  Samuel Richards: start doing was ending the
• 26:17
  Samuel Richards: episode, um, with, like, a call
• 26:19
  Samuel Richards: to action or something to do,
• 26:22
  Samuel Richards: um, so.
• 26:24
  Samuel Richards: well.
• 26:25
  Samuel Richards: A good call to action is always self-care.
• 26:28
  Samuel Richards: And as we lead up to this, uh, you know, holiday season, taking
• 26:33
  Samuel Richards: a little bit of extra time to, you know, take care of yourself
• 26:37
  Samuel Richards: is a good idea.
• 26:38
  Samuel Richards: Um, something that I wanted to
• 26:40
  Samuel Richards: offer as well, and something
• 26:42
  Samuel Richards: that Connie and I tend to do
• 26:43
  Samuel Richards: from time to time is volunteer
• 26:45
  Samuel Richards: at different shelters or soup
• 26:47
  Samuel Richards: kitchens.
• 26:48
  Samuel Richards: Um, even the Van Buren shelter, uh, downtown Columbus area, uh,
• 26:55
  Samuel Richards: has regular, like, meals that you can help participate in.
• 26:58
  Samuel Richards: And, you know, maybe if your holiday is overwhelming, you can
• 27:02
  Samuel Richards: go help somebody else's holiday become a little bit better.
• 27:06
  Samuel Richards: I think that helps from time to time.
• 27:09
  Samuel Richards: But I wanted to say from the
• 27:11
  Samuel Richards: community roots family, um, the
• 27:14
  Samuel Richards: yours, which you are totally a
• 27:16
  Samuel Richards: part of.
• 27:17
  Samuel Richards: Um. Happy holidays and we will talk to you guys soon.
• 27:22
  Samuel Richards: See ya.