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When Flexibility Goes Too Far in Family Business (and What to Do About It) · The Twenty One Clear Podcast

0:05
Adam Hatcher: Hey there.
0:06
Welcome to the 21 Clear Podcast where we talk about anything to help you
0:11
chaos proof your family business.
0:15
I'm your host, Adam Hatcher, the founder of 21 Clear, and today is part two of our
0:21
interview with Melissa Mitchell, Blitch.
0:24
Melissa wrote the book in the Company of Family, how to Thrive
0:28
when Business is Personal.
0:31
And our last episode, Melissa, introduced a concept.
0:35
Called boundaries.
0:37
What is this idea of boundaries?
0:40
How does it relate to family businesses?
0:42
This is an idea I wish had been explained to me far earlier in my
0:46
family journey, family business journey than I had it in this episode.
0:51
There was one idea in Melissa's book that I wanted to get into with her.
0:57
She has several principles of boundaries in a family business,
1:01
and one of them was flexibility.
1:04
So we're going to explain what flexibility in a family business is, and we talked
1:09
about that a bit in the last episode.
1:11
So we're gonna revisit it and then we're gonna do three things.
1:15
Three things for you to think about, whether it's advice or stories.
1:19
Counsel, three things for you to think about as it relates to
1:23
flexibility in your family company.
1:26
I hope you enjoy the second, sit down with Melissa.
1:30
Melissa, welcome back to the 21 Clear Podcast.
1:33
Uh, here we go again.
1:35
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Thanks, Adam.
1:36
Let's go.
1:37
Adam Hatcher: So we promised listeners in the last episode we are gonna
1:40
talk about a topic that when I have worked with families, it doesn't
1:46
take long for this one to come up.
1:48
So I spent 13 years in my family company.
1:51
I was the general counsel, I was the head of human resources corporate strategy.
1:56
What you hear in those rules, every one of them is responsible for rules, policies,
2:03
which in the last episode we talked about this idea of boundaries, differentiation
2:08
between one thing and another.
2:10
Both to let good in and keep bad things out.
2:13
Why do you have a vacation policy?
2:15
That's a boundary.
2:16
How many days do you have to be at work during the year?
2:19
And what are the rules when you want to take a day off?
2:23
And you talk in your book, which is in the Company of Family,
2:30
about this idea of companies.
2:33
Have rules and family companies need to understand the concept of
2:37
flexibility 'cause it's inevitable.
2:40
Will you explain this idea of flexibility for the audience?
2:46
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Mm-hmm.
2:47
We spoke in the last episode about how boundaries are fair, firm,
2:51
and friendly and flexible, and that there's, that, that tension.
2:54
It's a both end.
2:55
Sometimes they're firm, sometimes they're flexible.
2:58
There are times where things happened that we didn't anticipate,
3:02
couldn't have predicted.
3:03
Circumstances did change, and so as clear as policies, procedures, rules,
3:08
as you were just referring to may be sometimes something may happen.
3:12
We're like, oh, that if we actually, if we apply that rule, if we follow that rule,
3:18
that policy, it will create unintended negative consequences that we don't want.
3:26
And so it can be wise to be able to flex at times, but to do so very thoughtfully.
3:32
Because in the previous episode, we talked about a family who
3:35
created a, um, employment policy and then a month later broke it.
3:41
We create those policies and rules because we think they're gonna
3:45
promote good and protect against bad.
3:47
Yes, things can happen that we didn't anticipate, and so it can make sense
3:50
to flex for a situation or to even change the boundary, but to do so
3:56
thoughtfully and, and honestly as opposed to hopefully out of fear.
4:02
I shared an example, uh, of a family that was afraid of hurting
4:05
a, a cousin's feelings, um, afraid of him struggling, you know,
4:10
financially after he was laid off.
4:11
So they hired him, you know, hopefully to do so in a way that continues to promote
4:16
good and protect, protect against the bad, and that takes thought and reflection
4:22
Adam Hatcher: So.
4:23
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: honesty.
4:23
Adam Hatcher: Yeah.
4:24
Which is conversation like it's talking about.
4:27
Alright, so let's do we.
4:30
Alright, so the idea of flexibility.
4:32
If you've worked with your family, you get this, there are rules, there are
4:36
times you're going to bend around them.
4:38
Oh.
4:39
And if anyone thinks that they don't, when you have a family meeting, do you
4:45
take, do you charge PTO to the family members who work in the company when they
4:50
go to, to one of the family meetings?
4:52
That's not a company meeting, that's a family member meeting.
4:55
A family owner meeting.
4:56
You talk about distinct things, that's an example of flexibility.
5:00
Alright, so what Melissa, uh, what you, what you and I are gonna do, we're gonna
5:04
give families three things to think about.
5:07
Three things to think about with flexibility.
5:11
This might be advice, this might just be interesting thoughts.
5:14
And so Melissa's gonna take the first one.
5:16
I'm gonna take the second one, and then Melissa will close us with the third one.
5:19
So these are three ideas, concepts, thoughts about when you work
5:23
with your family and you have rules and you have guidance.
5:27
Three things to know about flexibility.
5:30
Melissa, what's your first one?
5:31
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Mm-hmm.
5:32
I already alluded to this, I think without using the actual
5:35
word, and that is consequences.
5:38
What might unintended consequences be?
5:43
And And consequences.
5:45
You know, consequences can be favorable, they can be negative, they can be
5:49
neutral, they can be a mix of things.
5:51
But if we flex on this rule, this policy, this previous decision that
5:56
we made, what might be a natural.
6:00
Unintended undesired consequence, negative consequence that could come
6:05
to this individual to, you know, me as the leader if that's, you know, if I'm
6:11
the sole person making that to us as a company, just to really think it through
6:16
and to think it through not only short term of, with this specific decision
6:22
of to flex or not, but longer term such as, you know, like with this family
6:27
that I spoke about last time, who broke flexed their, um, employment policy.
6:35
What message does that send about other policies?
6:38
Oh, they're not gonna stand firm on it.
6:42
Maybe What light and doubt may that bring to, again, that policy?
6:49
Oh, well, if they're firm with, you know, like the other, another
6:52
cousin who doesn't meet the criteria.
6:56
If they say no to, to him or her, you know what's, what's that about?
7:00
It can just create lots of doubt about the integrity behind the decision.
7:07
It can create doubt about other boundaries, policies to know whether
7:11
they're gonna be firm or flexible.
7:13
So considering the consequences that may result short-term,
7:20
long-term personal enterprise level, how could this work for us?
7:26
How could this work against us if we flex?
7:28
Adam Hatcher: I think the idea of consequences matters so much because
7:34
the way you work together and own the company together is family
7:39
is an inner family business, and then you have a company around it.
7:41
If you turn around and sell your company, the company's still there.
7:45
You know, if Chick-fil-A sold, we could all still go get chicken sandwiches.
7:48
It's the way the Kathy's work in and own the company together.
7:52
That would be missing.
7:53
The heart of the company is out of the center of it and
7:55
there's something new put in.
7:58
And flexibility matters because there's a company around you that you're responsible
8:03
to as family when you work in the company.
8:06
Um, and this idea of consequences, I imagine you think, well, not just what
8:09
is the consequence to me or maybe to my sister who works with me, but what's the
8:13
downstream consequence to the company?
8:16
Are there any consequences that may flow out to the clients?
8:18
Alright, I'm gonna tell you an embarrassing story 'cause you
8:20
saying consequences brought this up and this was ignorant, Adam.
8:23
I'd like to say I was 28, 29 years old, but I should have known better.
8:27
So, and, and I didn't get what you just said.
8:31
The idea of consequences.
8:33
The family company, my family's company, a staffing and recruiting business has.
8:40
A monthly expense report process.
8:42
And if you are missing a receipt, then you fill out a lost receipt report.
8:48
Well, those lost receipt reports, they were supposed to
8:52
be, uh, used very sparingly.
8:56
People keep up with their receipts.
8:59
I'm kind of fly by the seat of my pants sometimes low detail.
9:03
And I made them almost a standard operating procedure.
9:06
I was the only person in the company that had a company card that was had.
9:13
I was on the, I was the top.
9:14
I had to be the top user of the lost receipts.
9:17
And I remember the day my father called me, 'cause you have to send
9:20
your expense report to your boss.
9:22
And I reported to my dad.
9:24
And so I'll, I'll tell you how you can feel the ending coming.
9:27
And then I'm curious, like, let's tease this idea of consequences out,
9:31
like my father calls me, he goes, Hey.
9:34
Okay.
9:35
the fourth month in a row.
9:36
You've had more lost receipts than receipts.
9:40
You're the only person in the company like that.
9:42
Let me tell you this, the next three, the next three you turn in like that,
9:48
I'm taking 'em outta your, I'm taking the amount outta your paycheck.
9:51
Like, oh, like message received.
9:55
Follow, follow.
9:57
The, there is, uh, there's no flexibility to go more into lost receipts.
10:04
But what I didn't realize in that phone call, and I'm sure you can hear
10:08
like help think about me back then, 28, 29, if you and I had known each
10:12
other, you have said, Adam, have you thought about the consequences of this?
10:16
Like how would you have walked me through that?
10:19
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: well, I just wanna say that consequences
10:21
are wonderful teachers.
10:23
Adam Hatcher: Right.
10:24
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: You know, if I, if I do something and again,
10:26
outcome, I like, I'll do it again.
10:28
So Adam says, Hey, lost receipt, no big deal.
10:31
Fill out a form, blah, blah, blah.
10:32
I'll do it again.
10:33
And he did it again for four months, and then you get a different consequence.
10:37
You got a consequence.
10:37
You didn't want a firm call from dad saying, next time
10:42
it's coming outta your pocket.
10:44
And so it taught you or gave you an opportunity to learn to become
10:50
more responsible with your receipts.
10:53
If I want to be reimbursed, I have a re and avoid this consequence of it coming
10:57
out of my pocket, I have a responsibility to keep up with those receipts.
11:01
It was a wonderful teacher for you that invited you to stretch
11:05
and grow so that you could avoid consequences you didn't want.
11:10
Adam Hatcher: and what I didn't think of as well, because again,
11:13
this, this, at the time I didn't understand this, that I'm in a family
11:16
business working inside a company.
11:18
I didn't think about the downstream effect, like, so the finance
11:22
department would see this, well, they might wonder why.
11:26
I mean, they noticed.
11:28
Well, why does he get to do that?
11:30
Um, are
11:30
there other rules he doesn't have to follow?
11:33
I mean, I thought about, uh, my brother and I worked together for
11:35
about a decade in the family company.
11:37
So what if I keep doing this and my brother finds out, but then there's
11:41
some flexibility my brother wants and my dad puts, put the hammer down on him.
11:46
Well, now you're treating your sons a different way.
11:48
Like, I didn't think that when I unilaterally changed a rule, I,
11:55
I didn't know I was doing that.
11:56
But when I unilaterally took flexibility, when I unilaterally
11:59
changed a rule that there were consequences even, even beyond me.
12:05
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Absolutely.
12:06
Adam Hatcher: all right, so that, so number one, think about consequences.
12:10
It's thing number one to think about if you're working with your
12:12
family company and you're wrestling with this idea of flexibility.
12:15
Alright?
12:16
So I'll give you a second one.
12:18
Um, find a low stakes one to work on
12:22
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Hmm.
12:23
Adam Hatcher: when you have this inner family business.
12:27
It needs its own attention.
12:30
So the company has quarterly strategy meetings.
12:32
It has a leadership team.
12:33
They meet, it's got budget meetings.
12:35
Well, your inner family business, you run that the way you work
12:38
in and own the company together.
12:40
Family meetings.
12:40
Now who comes to that?
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Is it just the family owners?
12:43
Family members who work in the company and the owners?
12:46
Is it some other family members, advisors, families do that
12:49
different ways, but that's where you work on how do we hire family?
12:53
How do we work together?
12:55
How do we leave the company?
12:56
How do we make ownership decisions?
12:58
Do we reinvest, reinvest profits, or do we do distributions?
13:02
It's where you work on those issues and in there, if you're going to make an
13:07
exception in your company for family, I would go find some low stakes ones.
13:13
Maybe not an expense report, rebellion.
13:15
I don't think anyone would've reasonably seen that one, but take a
13:19
low stakes one and put it on the table.
13:22
Talk about it.
13:23
A popular thing to do in family companies if is pay dues or
13:29
membership for family members, right?
13:31
So imagine that the founders of a, of a two generation family company want to pay
13:40
for a local social club or country club for their two daughters and their son.
13:46
You could just unilaterally do that or sit down and have a family meeting to talk
13:51
about it and say the, the conversation may sound something like, look.
13:56
When your father and I started this company, we hardly had enough
13:58
money to take care of any of us.
14:00
Over time, the business has been successful, it's supported, afforded
14:03
us new perks, and one of those is joining the local country club.
14:07
As we look back, that gave us a place to network that also gave us
14:11
a place to host employee and client events that felt really special.
14:15
We wished we'd had that when we started.
14:18
We would like to give that to you all as well.
14:20
And so we'll pay whatever the upfront fee is, we'll pay that for you, or the company
14:26
will pay that, uh, however you do that.
14:29
And then if you work in the company, we'll, we'll cover
14:31
your monthly dues as well.
14:35
Like that is for the people who work in the company.
14:38
My bet is that that's not a perk that is offered to all
14:41
the employees of the company.
14:42
It may not even be offered to the executives.
14:44
And so part of the flexibility in that is, that's a, you're
14:48
flexing on behalf of the family.
14:51
For a, for an overarching reason.
14:53
But why I would love to see families workshop that versus
14:56
send it, send it in an email,
14:58
is that it gives people a chance to, that's a low stakes conversation.
15:01
Okay.
15:02
Like, that's, that's not the decision to go buy a, do a large acquisition that
15:07
may strain cash flow for a couple years.
15:09
Like that's a big decision.
15:11
This is, that's a pretty low stakes decision that would let you then practice
15:16
bantering the topic with each other.
15:18
You know, someone says, Hey, thanks mom and dad, or tell me more about
15:21
what it was like to start the company.
15:23
Or maybe I've never cared about clubs like that.
15:25
Can we use that
15:26
money for something else?
15:27
Whatever the con, wherever the conversation goes, you're practicing
15:32
working in and owning the company together on a low stakes flexibility issue.
15:38
So that would be my encouragement.
15:40
Find a couple of these low stakes issues.
15:43
When you have your family meetings, talk about 'em.
15:47
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Yes.
15:48
If we want to improve our physical health, we typically start small.
15:53
You know, you start with the lightweights, you do rips, you build up, you walk
15:57
before you jog, before you run.
15:59
And the invisible, you know, relational dynamics, that is often a wise approach
16:06
to take, to start small and grow.
16:08
And there's so much value just in sitting down and having that conversation,
16:13
sharing your thinking, sharing how it's aligned, the values that it's aligned
16:17
with, the purpose for this decision.
16:19
And being open again to hearing those voices that say, wonderful, thank you dad.
16:24
Or that voice that says, you know, I hear your heart, your desire for it
16:28
to, to be a benefit and a blessing for me, but I actually hate going there.
16:34
You know, might you be open to something else?
16:38
I hear the desire behind that.
16:39
Might it flex in another way?
16:40
What about doing this in instead?
16:44
So much value simply to having conversations as, as a family.
16:49
Adam Hatcher: And the undercurrent there is, it goes a little unsaid is if you
16:57
want to, if you want to, nobody just takes flexibility in, in a family company.
17:02
You don't just take it for yourself.
17:04
We talk about it.
17:05
We even talked about the silly issues and, and the, to use your point, number
17:09
one, the consequence of not doing that, I then people don't know either.
17:16
They don't know when the rule applies or not, or they just start doing what
17:19
they want until someone says something.
17:21
And how does that impact the business?
17:23
A friend of mine worked in a family company and they're, their home
17:28
office was located in a place that, in the last couple years went through
17:31
a natural disaster and as they were recovering from the natural disaster,
17:35
they all came to work and they.
17:37
Could not get on the internet.
17:39
And so the head of it went up on the roof to check on the starlink
17:42
satellite and it was gone.
17:46
One of the family owners who worked in the company that had no real rules about
17:51
when you get to be flexible or not, well, the internet was out at their lake
17:55
house, and so they took the company, starlink, drove it to their Lakehouse and
18:01
knocked the company off of the internet.
18:04
And in part it sounds silly and you're like, how dare someone do that?
18:09
if you don't know how you ask for flexibility and just feel that you can
18:14
take it over years, this just snowballs.
18:18
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Yeah, well, flexibility can be wise, and
18:22
flexibility can be destructive.
18:23
That's why thinking through the consequences, short term, long
18:25
term, and broadly are important.
18:28
Flexibility, overdone creates an attitude, a perception of entitlement.
18:33
I'm exempt from responsibility.
18:35
I can do whatever I want.
18:36
I don't even think about what, you know, the impact on others could be.
18:41
That is, you know, kinda like the end game of, of flexibility gone awry.
18:46
Um, not kept in check.
18:48
Not being the exception, but being the rule that we flex you will
18:52
cultivate behaviors, attitude, expectation of entitlement.
18:58
Adam Hatcher: What's the danger of that?
18:59
Or maybe better yet, in working with families, when you have seen that,
19:03
what does then, Ooh, I can't believe you dropped the entitlement word.
19:05
Melissa.
19:06
Let's do it.
19:07
What does give, if someone goes entitlement, I don't know what that means.
19:12
Let's take a quick, we, we'll come back.
19:14
Melissa's third point to know about flexibility, but we're
19:16
gonna take a quick deviation here.
19:18
Explain entitlement for someone who's curious, what that means in this context.
19:23
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Well, I can actually give you a twofer and answer that
19:26
question, which will tie back into 0.3
19:29
that I wanted to share with your, your listeners.
19:32
I borrowed from John Townsend, um, a working definition of entitlement,
19:37
ex feeling exempt from responsibility and deserving of special treatment.
19:43
So feeling exempt from responsibility.
19:45
Doesn't matter what the consequences are, they're not gonna follow me.
19:48
Um, I deserve special treatment.
19:51
That's describes entitlement in a nutshell.
19:54
And the antidote to that is allowing consequences to fall
20:00
on the responsible party.
20:02
You know, entitlement does not happen in a vacuum.
20:05
Someone cannot behave.
20:07
They can wanna be entitled, but if there's not someone there to reinforce
20:10
that and to indulge that, they can't actually behave in a way because someone
20:14
has to pick up the responsibility.
20:16
And so a wonderful antidote, um, and going back to our previous
20:20
stream of conversation is to get really clear on responsibility.
20:27
Adam Hatcher: Hmm.
20:27
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: the word again tells us so much response,
20:31
ability, our ability to respond.
20:34
What are my abilities to respond?
20:37
I can think, I can feel, I can act, I can speak.
20:42
Those are my responsibilities.
20:45
I can't speak for you, Adam.
20:47
I can't think for you.
20:48
I can't feel for you.
20:49
I can't behave for you.
20:52
So I am not response able for you.
20:56
I'm only response able for me, and I'm meant to experience
21:01
the consequences of my choices.
21:03
Those are good.
21:03
Sometimes those are bad sometimes.
21:06
And since we are in a relationship and I care about you, I want
21:13
to be responsive to you.
21:16
If I make a decision that I know you're not gonna, like, I want to be responsive
21:21
to you and do so in a way that's friendly, fair, and friendly, that I care about
21:26
the impact it's gonna have on you.
21:27
But I don't take personal responsibility for it.
21:31
If we bring back in the example of the family who busted their own employment
21:35
policy in very short order, you know, they were taking responsibility for
21:43
the, the cousin needed, wanted a job.
21:45
Needed, wanted income for his family.
21:48
Whose responsibility is that?
21:52
It's his, it's not the companies, it's not the families.
21:58
Do they love him?
21:58
Care about him?
22:00
Yes.
22:01
And what is the responsibility of the business, the business.
22:06
Responsibility to shareholders, you know, to, to stay in business
22:09
and continue to produce an income.
22:11
How are you gonna do that if you hire every family member that wants
22:14
to work there, even if the business does not have a need for them.
22:17
So, letting responsibility be taken by who it belongs to.
22:24
And we could be responsive.
22:25
They could be responsive to that cousin.
22:27
They care and wanna support him in other ways, to connect with people,
22:31
to get a job, to make ends meet in the meantime, if that's, uh, a need.
22:35
But they took on responsibility for him having employment and compensation
22:41
that didn't belong to them.
22:43
They reaped the consequences and through that, potentially robbed him of, you
22:50
know, some, we learn and we stretch.
22:52
We learn when we're uncomfortable.
22:53
We, we learn that we can do hard things by doing hard things.
22:57
And so maybe robbing him of opportunities to grow through challenge.
23:06
By taking that responsibility on for him.
23:09
Adam Hatcher: And I think about one of the areas where people get.
23:13
Wrestle when you work with the family, with your own family, and you wrestle
23:18
with responsibility versus entitlement.
23:21
One of the things I have noticed is when you have, you don't just have a
23:24
single shareholder, maybe your, your CEO uncle is the only shareholder, for
23:28
example, but when you have ownership and minority ownership distributed in
23:33
the company, there's, you can see it swing to both ends of the pendulum.
23:39
You can see people who believe, well, because I own 2%, 5%, 15%, well,
23:45
it's, it's less than, less than 50.
23:48
Uh, because I own a minority stake, I am entitled to behave
23:53
as the controlling shareholder.
23:55
I'm not follow
23:56
the rule, whatever it may be.
23:57
Like I've seen that end.
23:59
Because there has not been a conversation.
24:01
What does, when you work in the company as a minority
24:03
shareholder, what does that mean?
24:05
But I've also seen it swing to the other end where people feel overly
24:09
responsible and it's understandable.
24:11
Oh my goodness, I might be in a staff level position, but I'm also
24:14
an owner, so I feel responsible for these hundred, 200, 1500 people.
24:20
And they feel this crushing responsibility that really isn't theirs.
24:25
But you feel it because there's, because there is ownership.
24:30
And that to me is one of like, tip number two, go find something, some
24:35
small, flexible discussion to have because the discussion about do we
24:42
hire my cousin when he really needs it?
24:44
Or let him learn to navigate an uncertain employment environment, or,
24:49
or am I more responsible or not because I'm an owner working in the business?
24:54
And what does that mean or not mean?
24:56
Go find the easy ones to talk about.
24:58
'cause those are, those are important, but those are the heavy ones.
25:02
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: Mm-hmm.
25:04
And even thinking through that decision with those different
25:09
hats on, alright, with my owner hat on, what's my responsibility?
25:12
What's my opportunity as a family member?
25:15
You know, what's my responsibility thinking through as an employee?
25:18
You know, what are my, what's my responsibility here?
25:21
That's where it gets so complex in family enterprise.
25:24
'cause you got multiple hats on
25:27
Adam Hatcher: Mm-hmm.
25:27
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: through it from each of them to, to
25:29
view it from big picture.
25:32
Adam Hatcher: I remember talk, uh, I got a chance to talk
25:34
with a founder who they had a.
25:37
Family company that was a chain.
25:39
And his three sons and his daughters were all, he had given shares
25:44
of the company to all of them.
25:46
And what, what's the consequence of not talking about this?
25:49
And it was just a casual conversation one day.
25:51
And he just kind of looked up and he said, you know, Adam, what?
25:54
What frustrates me?
25:56
He said, my sons, my daughter.
25:58
None of them go to visit our different locations.
26:01
I really wish they did.
26:02
I mean, gracious, I gave them ownership in this company.
26:05
Why don't they go?
26:06
And as we talked, I realized he'd never told him that.
26:11
And I totally understood his perspective.
26:13
I gave you this.
26:14
I mean, just naturally, right?
26:16
You would think osmosis would tell you that I expect this of you.
26:19
And like rational people, if they're owners of something, will go, Anna, maybe.
26:23
But it was an unspoken expectation.
26:26
An
26:26
unspoken responsibility.
26:29
And I thought, boy, how it, well, I knew how he felt.
26:32
It was frustrating for him.
26:34
And disappointing.
26:35
But then how would it have felt for them if they knew their dad was disappointed in
26:40
them for something unspoken between them?
26:44
And that's an example of why it's so important to sit down and talk
26:47
about what are responsibilities?
26:51
Do we allow consequences?
26:53
And maybe let's find some low stakes poker to work on
26:56
before, before we have these heaviest conversations.
27:00
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: And it's so funny, this is a little bit of a rabbit
27:02
trail, but it's so funny, like, you know, if that dad's saying, I don't
27:05
understand why, or I don't understand why or why not, you know, so often we
27:10
use those words, I don't understand, but we don't seek understanding.
27:15
I don't understand.
27:15
So I judge, I don't understand.
27:17
So I feel hurt or angry as opposed to saying, I don't understand.
27:20
Let me get curious and go ask what this is about.
27:24
Adam Hatcher: The the other one is, well, yeah, uh, I know that's not how most
27:29
people act, but that's just how she is.
27:33
And then so like we don't wanna wrestle with that question, okay?
27:36
That family employee's behavior is outside the norm that we've established.
27:42
We, no one's handed them the flexibility to behave in that manner.
27:46
Okay?
27:46
But now what do we, what do we do?
27:50
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: To do family enterprise, well, it takes
27:53
more courage than, than working in a different environment.
27:58
It takes more skill, it takes more self-awareness.
28:01
You know, if you work with your family, you, I believe, are in the
28:06
most complex type of entity that you could work, work for within and.
28:13
It.
28:13
It is just inherently challenging.
28:15
That's why you and I love coming alongside families to help
28:19
them navigate this complexity.
28:21
Cut through some of it, grow, learn, because there's so much at stake and
28:26
it's just inherently challenging.
28:30
Adam Hatcher: Yeah, it is.
28:32
it was John Ward, one of the godfathers of Family Business and Family Company
28:37
Research said there's a reason that this is the hardest job in the world.
28:43
You are trying to build a great company.
28:45
Most of us are.
28:45
You're trying to build a great company, great company, whatever that means.
28:48
It doesn't have to be huge, but one that is valuable and has a positive impact, and
28:53
at the same time, navigate the tension of an unconditional business with conditional
28:59
family and have a strong family as well, a great company, and a strong family.
29:05
When those two things pull against each other and what I've loved over.
29:11
This time together where we've given three things to think about with family
29:15
company flexibility, and last time where we unpacked the idea of boundaries, what
29:20
those are and how they show up is these are the skills like, listen, I wish
29:24
I'd had this language when I started.
29:26
Because it helps you.
29:29
It helps you navigate in a way that is unique to the family company.
29:35
Well, thank you.
29:36
This has been fun for me.
29:38
Thank you.
29:39
So thank you so much.
29:40
And will you please tell people it's in the, it'll be in the notes
29:44
again, links to your website and your book, but tell people how
29:49
to find you and then when someone calls Melissa, it sounds like what?
29:56
What?
29:58
Yeah.
29:58
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: So my website is my name without the
30:01
hyphen, Melissa Mitchell glitch.com.
30:03
And if you're liking the Southern, Southern draw, I read the audio book
30:08
to you and it only takes four hours.
30:10
So I wanna put a plugin for that
30:12
Adam Hatcher: I, I, I listened to it.
30:14
I enjoyed it.
30:15
It's perfect on back roads in the southeast, but you
30:18
can do this in Denver too.
30:20
It's not geographically.
30:21
That's just, that was my experience
30:24
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: that every family business is different, every situation
30:27
that they're experiencing is different.
30:29
And so if someone reaches out to me, it, it just starts with that
30:32
conversation, like you're saying, let you know, you're inviting family
30:35
members to sit around the table.
30:37
I invite a family member to reach out to me and just have a conversation.
30:40
What's going on?
30:42
You know, what are you hoping for?
30:44
Um, what, and just listening for opportunity first to, to, to
30:49
understand and then to, to feel, get a feel for do I think I can help.
30:53
Alright.
30:53
And if I think I can help, what might.
30:55
First step would be, but just a conversation.
31:00
Adam Hatcher: and.
31:01
What that leads to, uh, because you and I have talked, you and I have talked
31:05
ahead of this, what it leads to is helping families find issues that are
31:10
impacting the dynamic of working together.
31:12
I, I remember meeting a family once and before we could build any
31:17
governance or any structure, there were two family members who could not
31:21
communicate and they work together and it's so hard 'cause the rhythm of the
31:25
business forces you around each other.
31:28
It's not like when you're struggling with your sister and you can
31:30
just give each other space.
31:32
Uh, so that's what I app love about what you do, is that it uncovers why, why
31:37
is there friction every single time we interact and what do we do about that?
31:42
Alright, well, uh, I recommend your book, uh, I recommend the Southern
31:47
Draw Audio version of it as well.
31:49
And you can find Melissa's website and her book in the show notes this time.
31:54
Melissa, thank you so very much for being here.
31:58
Melissa Mitchell-Blitch: My pleasure, Adam.
31:59
Thank you for the invitation.
32:03
Adam Hatcher: These last couple of episodes were so fun
32:06
for me because Melissa has.
32:08
Opened up some critical conversations, and I hope in listening to this, you
32:14
can differentiate what Melissa is talking about from conversations you
32:19
have about family company budgets, strategy meetings, or even as
32:24
owners, how you do wealth planning.
32:27
It's a complimentary language and it's a distinct language, and I hope that the
32:33
last two episodes have helped you both.
32:36
Think or be introduced to boundaries and then wrestle with some particular concepts
32:41
like firm, fair and friendly, or flexible.
32:46
Every time you touch a 21 Clear Podcast, our goal.
32:50
To help you, or if it's the newsletter or if it's an event we do.
32:54
Our goal is to help you think about your inner family business, not working in
32:57
the company, not working on the company, but that unique dynamic of how you
33:02
all work and own the company together.
33:04
I hope this episode was helpful to you.
33:07
I look forward to seeing you next time, as my grandfather would've said.
33:11
Thank you so very, very much for listening.