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Beyond Your Seat: How to Understand Others' Perspectives with Wiley Karber · Let's Get Naked

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Ann, and this is Let's Get Naked.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: The show where we expose the patterns, challenge the stories, and share the cheat codes that make life a whole lot easier.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: A few weeks ago, my son and I went to an Atlanta Braves series.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: Three games, three completely different seats.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: One game, we were behind home plate.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: One game, we were down the first baseline, one game, we were out in outfield.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: Same game, same players, same pitches, three completely different experiences.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: And somewhere during that series, it hit both of us.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Life works exactly the same way.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: Every single one of us is watching the game from a different seat.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: Your childhood is your seat, your parents are your seat, your trauma is your seat, your successes are your C, your failures, your culture, your education, your neighborhood, your life experiences.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: Every one of them changes what you can see.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: So why are we all screaming across the stadium trying to convince people sitting somewhere else that they're wrong?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: The guy in left field isn't stupid.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: He just has a different angle.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: The woman behind home plate isn't lying.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: She can see something the outfielder can't.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: The answer isn't in screaming louder, but the answer is to get curious enough to ask what can you see from where you're sitting that I can't?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: Because the goal shouldn't be proving your perspective is the only valid one.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: The goal should be collecting enough perspectives that you finally start seeing more of the game.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's how wisdom works.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: Not by defending your seat, but by realizing it was never the only one.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Let's get into it.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: Today I'm joined by my son Wiley, who came to speak with me about this whole POV concept with the stadium correlation.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: And then we're also going to just talk about all sorts of other things that come up as we go through that.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you, Wiley, for joining me today.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate it.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for having me.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: I'm excited.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, me too.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Me too.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_03: Third time.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: Third time's a charm.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: Third time's a charm.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: That is.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: So um, so yeah, so we took uh to you know, to paint the picture a little bit, Wiley and I uh for Christmas gifted to Cameron, uh, who's my husband and Wiley's dad, um, a Braves series.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: Cameron is a diehard Braves fan and has always wanted to go to a series in Atlanta, and so we did that.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: We went and watched uh the Brewer's Braves series over Father's Day weekend, and it was really cool.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: And um, because it was, you know, three different games over three days in a row, and we had different seats from different vantage points each time, um, while we were sitting there on the second or third day, we were talking about how interesting that was because you know, the first game we sat at the uh like first base area, and when someone would hit when a when a ball player would hit a ball that we thought was gonna be a home run, you could tell pretty pretty easily because of the trajectory that you were looking at the ball.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: You could tell right away from those seats if it's like a home run or not.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you could tell them behind home plate.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: You couldn't tell.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: You you hear the crack of the bat, you're like, you think it's gonna be gone every time.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: But then the outfielder gets it every time.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, because you can't see from that trajectory kind of what how far the ball is.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: And same with like the the pitches.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: From first base, you can't really see the pitches that well, and when we're behind the plate, you can see so clearly if it's a strike or a ball or whatever.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're absolutely right.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: And and for anyone that knows me, knows the book, knows any of the kind of the way that my brain works, I'm always a very visual person.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm always trying to kind of put things into a visual perspective so that it it slaps a little bit harder than just sure, sure, we're all coming from our POVs.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: But it made it it it just slapped me in the face with the end the realization that kind of how everyone is in this life is sitting in a different state of the stadium.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you go sit in a seat that's on the third level or a seat that's in a suite or a seat that's behind home plate or like wherever it is in the stadium, you get a completely different vantage point of the action.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: And you can tell different things.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, we have umpires for a reason, we have TV cameras for a reason, those folks have a different, you know, um, vantage point of the action.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: But it really just struck me at that time, and I wanted to just really bring that that visual home and kind of talk about what that looks like as it relates to other topics that are uh maybe charged up that people get really excited and worked up about and yell from the from their you know from their seat, right?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: From their seats that are like Yeah, right.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: So tell tell me a little bit more about kind of what that what you were thinking about for that, or is that like from the game?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, or not from we're not talking baseball now.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, yes, baseball was fun too, but like just from life.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I was thinking recently I was thinking about like with the World Cup going on.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I've been thinking a lot about just like different time zones because it's it's an international sport.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: So the games that are played over here, we get to watch the games at 5 p.m.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: But that means people in England or Europe they're watching the games at like 4 a.m.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: So like time zones definitely play into like live sports, what people are seeing, you know what I mean?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: And just I don't know, just the concept of live sports, I was just kind of thinking about the other day, and it kind of just struck me like it's a really amazing thing.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: Like, and there's so many people that are at that game live, and so many people from all around the world watching the game, you know, and it's just such a amazing thing where this one game, wherever they're playing, let's say it's Dallas, Atlanta, they've been playing the games here um for this World Cup, but it's just amazing how it just ties everyone together.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: Everyone can bond over uh everyone can bond over soccer, sports, all that.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: Which is fun when we we talk about what is it, food, music, sports?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: In our house.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: Music sports.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: I think you're the three three biggest things where everyone can relate to, everyone eats, everyone listens to music, everyone not everyone likes sports, but most people like sports and play sports for exercise, watch it for entertainment.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I think every every culture can, no matter what language you speak, no matter what God you believe in, no matter what your political beliefs are, I think everyone can bond over those three things.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's interesting because in our house we we try to come up with solutions.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: We come from a place of, you know, we all understand that from our unique POVs, uh, what's going on out in the world is is scary.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's scary and there's a lot of craziness that's happening.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I think from the stadium seat perspective, understanding that, um, you know, when you're coming from this wrong, you know, there's a lot of that that's happening out there in the world where it's like that's not how it is, or you're lying, or or whatever, it's like they're sitting in a different seat, you know?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: No, I love what you said in the intro about uh like the ask questions, put the pieces together, try to maybe see it from another person's lens, you know, and then just try to put together as many pieces as possible, like you're solving a puzzle.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like if you think about it that way, where oh, how many pieces can I collect to solve this puzzle?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, then you can finally see the full picture because just your lens, I mean, humans, we have such a narrow lens, we can only see our perspective.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like you're you're looking through a toilet paper roll at the at whatever the action is, and then you're yelling at other people that they're wrong, right?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's the whole like yelling into the void on the internet about like you're wrong, you're wrong, or you know, all of that.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like you're wasting so much energy in trying to prove someone else wrong, but they're not wrong because from their seat, that's what it looks like.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's what they're saying.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like, how about we just all you know see it from that from that angle and then go, okay, I'm gonna save the energy from trying to uh go around and tell everybody that they're wrong and that you're right, right?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: What a waste of Skittles that is.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe just try to get as many vantage points from the different seats as you can.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know, a couple years ago I started really putting the shoe on the other foot.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: So when I was processing different things, I was like, what does that feel like from theirs from their point of view?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: Not only from my own thought process of, okay, what was I at that age, or what was I if I, you know, if I experienced something like that, but then also asking other questions.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, part of my healing journey and my family has been really unpacking a lot of stuff and doing a lot of healing and touching base with my kids or Cameron and finding out like what impact did I have on you with when I was drinking or when, you know, different things over the course of our our lives, what impact did that have?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: It gives you a different perspective on your impact on people.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: And so really coming from that place of curiosity and then not taking it personally.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I held space and took shots a lot in that healing journey, right?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: From your sisters, right?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: From from everybody, because I um I did a lot of things that I'm I'm not proud of, and it just is what it is, and taking accountability for that, but being able to really understand someone else's perspective, and and they didn't tell me their truths, and then I say, wrong.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like it's like that isn't that doesn't work.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: Now, did I remember things the same way that my daughters remembered things from when I was drinking?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely not.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: They were teenagers or, you know, children or whatever that looked like.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: I was completely out to lunch and coming from a different POV.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: So the way that I remember things is not the way that they remember things.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I remember um you know, people talking about stuff where they try to try to go have closure with someone else and they're saying, like, here's what my truth is.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: And rather than the other person like just listening and acknowledging, they get defensive and they say that's not how it was.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like it, that's not how it was for you.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but there's not there's not one universal way that is how it is.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody's everybody's unique experience is their own, right?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: I always liken it to also like a uh disco ball.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: Your POV is just one little piece of that glass, you know, of that mirror.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: It is, and it's like, and everyone has their unique uh POV.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: So how beautiful it is that we all can come together and how that shines all of these lights.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: And if we could lean into that instead of coming from our our cheap seats and saying, like, wrong, wrong, you know, well, I think I think people just get so defensive because naturally, like, no one wants to be wrong.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_03: Like everyone is naturally competitive.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's just how humans are.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: And it's just a human instinct to always want to be right, always want to win, you know.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_03: So I feel like people, if they feel like they're getting attacked, if someone says, Oh, my perspective was this, like everyone, they're gonna have a different lens, obviously.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: So they're they just jump the gun and say, No, you're wrong.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: And but yeah, I I agree.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_03: You need to be curious and say, okay, it's interesting you saw it from that point.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: Right, thanks for thanks for the shared POV, right?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: For sharing your POV.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that that's really important.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you know, understanding that and then coming from a place of curiosity so that you can see someone else's angle.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to agree with them, it doesn't have to be the same thing.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the thing that came up for me while you were speaking is who needs to say that you're right for you to feel right?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like when you talk to somebody else and they get defensive, it's like I don't need someone else to I don't need someone else to validate my experience for me, right?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm right in my experience.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm also smart enough to keep open to learn new things because I like when my mind is stretched, I like when my awareness and my consciousness is is expanded.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so I want to hear other people's.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: And some sometimes I'm like, oh, that I I I learned facts and things that change my mind because yeah, that's how we learn.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's how we learn.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: Having challenging thoughts and like challenging conversations about hard topics.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: But if you're defensive on everything because you feel like someone having a different opinion is you know, is a personal attack on you, then you'll never learn.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like we have all of these, you know, people in aging bodies, because I can't call people all adults.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: We're not all adults out there, it's a lot of children in aging bodies with this emotional level of intelligence that's like elementary level, which I think once you see it, you can't unsee it.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: And that's not that's just me making an observation.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: I lived a lot of years in that in that elementary level EQ.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: But once you expand past that and you can understand that like each each person has their own seat, right?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: And each one of their seats is has all of the influences that come in, whether it's you know how they were raised, where they were brought up, the color of their skin, their gender, the different things that go into it.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: Everything affects your seat, right?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: Everything affects your seat.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like you can still change that, but you're still coming from that from that point of view.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: And for to have somebody else get defensive because they're they're not validated, or they're defensive because they, you know, you don't agree with them.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, hey, ding dong.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: We're not all meant to think the same thing, but I just love the ding dong so much.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know why.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: I call people that, and some people think it's funny, and some people get real angry about it.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't care.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: I think we're all ding dongs, right?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_02: I don't say that to someone where I'm calling a name.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: I just think that's all all of us, right?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's a general blank.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: It's a general, we're all ding dongs.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's like that Dr.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Rick commercial where he's like, hey, and he points out the funny things.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: That to me is what the ding-dong is of like, hey, ding dongs, we're not all meant to think the exact same thing.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: And if we were, what would that even look like?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: It would be no fun.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: It would be no fun.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so it's like, you know, we talk about the chill way, and Wiley is very like chill, right?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: Wiley was Wiley was raised in um a household that has God, we have a lot of it what what you know what, why don't you share with the listeners uh what you think our household is like as far as just the last 10 years or whatever that's yeah, tell me 10 last 10 years.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, the last 10 years, I mean, my sisters haven't really like they haven't really been in the house.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I feel like our household is pretty pretty calm after they were gone.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_03: But growing up with them, I mean, I feel like there was always an argument, always a fight.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: Something was always wrong for like no reason.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, if you just take a step back, talk it out for a sec, there would be no issue.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but teenage girls are something.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and it's it's fun that you have that that perspective.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: So uh for those that don't know, I quit drinking nine years ago.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: So Wiley had personally like that.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_03: I don't even really remember those times.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: So like that that was definitely a different experience for like Emily and Brittany.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: For sure, than it was for you.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_03: Because they they were teenagers at that time where they remember all those moments and definitely affected them more than it affected me.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, right, I gonna tell you.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, but but look look at all of the work that's happened in our house over the last decade, right?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like Wiley has had nine years of at his front door watching his mom heal, watching his mom drag his dad along in the healing.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's a that's how you say that, right?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: No, because your dad put up a fight for a long time.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: Last couple of years, he's been pretty stubborn.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_03: He's pretty stubborn, you know.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_03: He's doing better now.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: He is.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's funny because we he was on the show earlier this morning and we were talking about different things, and it's like just listening to his expanded awareness and just being open to things instead of you know, he was that wrong guy.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: He was the guy that was wrong.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like that.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like we had a big joke at our house about who he was as a human being because it was like it's not like that.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: It was like the the Donald Trump thing saying, wrong wrong, exactly.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and it's just like he's always he has always come from that perspective.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I got he probably gets it from grandpa.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh well, that could be.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: But it's you know, literally coming from that place of uh it that's not my experience, and so it must be wrong.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like that's not how it is, boss.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like we all have our own different ingredients that make up our recipes, and also if you're doing it right, you're continuing to expand and continuing to grow and continuing to feel into things and having your mind open to listening to other people's experiences.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_02: My favorite part of life is talking with other people and having them share their POVs.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't, it isn't a personal attack on me.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't need anybody else to tell me I'm right.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: I know what my story is, I know what my truth is, and to me that's right, right?
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have to prove someone else's right.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're that way, you know, you don't you know you're right, you don't seek for validation.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: But so many nowadays it's just such a common thing for people to search for validation.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_03: No matter what it is they're doing, with their thoughts, with whatever they're doing online, you know what I mean?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: If they're with their friends, I just feel like just people like chase for that validation.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: Cause and I I don't know why people don't get self-fulfillment, like self-validation.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: I I don't know why that's not as common of a thing.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: How how did you develop that for yourself?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think you're very self-assured in who you are.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: And and I love it.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like just definitely growing up with you as a mom and you and dad, uh, I feel like you guys like you guys lead by example.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you say yourself, you uh don't need validation for others, and I feel like just seeing that growing up, that's just how I am now.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well, when you when you do that, when you seek validation from other people, you're outsourcing something that's like so savagely important for you to have as an individual person, and that feels really sketchy to me.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like you're outsourcing your validation.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: What do you mean, outsourcing?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, like if I needed you to validate me, if I if I said uh I this is how I feel about something, and then I kind of wait to make certain that you're like, yeah, yeah, that's how I feel, or yes, you're right, or whatever.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: You're outsourcing.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's like almost pick me, you know what I'm saying?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's that pick me, and that feels gross energy.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like pick me is the the common like word that uh what's this generation?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: Your generation?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, my generation, maybe like the one above it.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like pick me, I feel like that's like the best way to describe it.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: What is it?
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: What is so it's it's Gen X?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_03: Am I Gen X?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, I'm Gen X.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know the generations, I don't know.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh so it's Gen X and millennials, and then it's Gen Z.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_03: Or Gen Z.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: I think you're Gen Z.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_03: So I think you're so I feel like Gen Z, I feel like Gen Z millennials like pick me is like the the best word to describe it.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: And like, and you can see it in people too.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like there are people that'll be around, and there's very like pick-me-yes.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: Vibes, pick me, pick me energy.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, like always seeking validation.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's it's the same thing.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you guys grew up with social media, and this is an interesting, this is an interesting point.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: That might be why it is, right?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: Because you get your validation on, okay, I posted something, how many people liked me?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how many how many people liked your post?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's how you get your dopamine hits.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like, you know, you have these young girls who will post a picture in a bikini, and if you, oh, I got 300 likes on that, that somehow validates them, where it's like, girl, you gotta be able to validate that shit inside.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: Who gives a shit what some creepy dude on the internet wants to like on your, you know, on your socials?
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we need to be teaching our young people and all people, right?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think, you know, Gen X, which is where I am, are just the opposite.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: We're like, fuck you, we don't give a shit what you think.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: And also that's great, but maybe let's lean out of that a little bit.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: I think there's such a beautiful dance that we could learn from younger generations and they could learn from us if we weren't so stubborn in this wrong, you know, that that's to me the Gen X thing is just wrong, rub some dirt on it, don't be a pussy, we're not even gonna talk about it, that there might be a better way.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I think, you know, in general, the the generations that have followed are too soft.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's Gen X's opinion, right?
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Soft AF.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: No, all all the Gen all the Gen X's think that about it.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_02: All the Gen X's think that.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: We took a vote.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: We took a vote before the show started.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: 100% Gen X thinks that you know the low the further generations down are soft.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: And that's okay, but then let's learn from one another.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um and and the outsourcing, the validation, I think, is a really dangerous place to come because then you're always searching for things.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: I I went through a lot of that in earlier uh chapters of my life.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: That's when you're lost.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: You're totally lost.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: You're totally lost.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: And and you never and you never feel full, right?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like I spent decades of my life um feeding off of crumbs from other people and trying to convince myself it was a whole meal, you know?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: And it's gross.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: It is that gross energy.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: You're not wrong.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like I love that you said pick me.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_02: I hadn't heard that that uh you know that term though, right?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: Or no.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: As soon as you say it, I know exactly what you're talking about.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about because it's like you won't be whole unless you get picked.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: And that's just not that's not how it is.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: I believe, you know, the big guy lives in here, and I believe that I have everything in my four walls that I need to be a hundred percent complete.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: I don't need anything from anybody outside of me.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I want to be in community, and yes, I want to be all those other things, but I don't need somebody else to make me feel worthy.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: I know that I'm enough.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Now, I I I realize I did a lot of work to get to this place because especially women, uh, we were just raised in a different, in a complete, completely different way where um at least I was.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, all the women that I've talked to, it's like, why is it so hard to think I am enough?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: But a lot of women struggle with that because we needed that outside validation, you know?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: Where else do you find the pick me energy or other energy?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_02: Where else do you find differences between generations and stuff?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: Because this is fun to me.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: Pick me energy, where else do I see it?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_03: Social media, I mean, definitely the biggest.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but like I'll be with people and they're like, oh, does this outfit look good?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_03: Does like, bro, just where would you want to wear?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: Be you.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like, and but I just think that's such a uh like before people go out, it's like, oh, is what I'm wearing look good?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_03: Should I change my shirt?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like they're trying to get validation from their friends or who whoever they're asking, you know what I mean?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but yeah, I feel growing up in the carber household, I definitely uh know I'm enough.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: I feel fulfilled, and I don't I don't really find myself doing that much.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I well, I hammered the like I hammered a lot of the things home pretty hard because it's like I was correcting things for myself.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was healing my own versions and also making certain that carrying that forward, what that looked like, it was really important to me.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um tell me about other other things that you guys kind of find in this generation that you're in, because I look at things and I'm fascinated, right?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, like Interactions between guys and girls is very find what?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, just like like t tell me about things where um you know tell me about like interactions with girls, what that looks like at your age, right?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because I know that we've talked about that and it's like a lot of girls are very insecure and Wiley's very emotionally intelligent and he just won't even mess around with that.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um or or you know, uh do you find a lot of guys that are in your same situation?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: Do guys and girls even I mean, like what does that look like in that scene?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like when it comes to being pick me?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like searching for validation or all of the things.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever you want to say.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: I I don't know.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm lost for words right now.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um then don't say anything.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'll change the subject.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: No, I just I find it fascinating to look at how different different people interact differently um than we ever did.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we I I think your dad and I think our generation acts interacts with each other normally.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_02: What is normal to you?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's just a normal interaction.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Like, hi, how are you?
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't think that's normal.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: I not not that.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think your generation acts normal.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know that like when you talk about you show me on your Snapchat and everyone knows where everyone else is?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's gross energy.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: That to me is gross energy where other people do.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: You can have them turned off, you can have them on.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_02: I get it, but do you see what I'm saying?
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like that whole, I think it's very like like stalkerish?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: It feels stalkerish to me.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why were you at so-and-so?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's the same thing with like when people post on socials.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I see I see where you're going now with the interactions.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, then yeah, I definitely I mean, nothing is like with social media, Snapchat.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, nothing's ever really private.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: Like someone always knows where you are somehow.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it's all but it also feels very performative because it's like and and we have our own issues in our generation about performative, but in yours, it's very like take the picture so that it looks really good and then post it out there.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like LARPing.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like LARPing.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: See, Wiley has a whole dictionary of words that is just, you know, for the folks at home, it's pretty fun.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Auntie Caitlin is always like, tell me whatever the new slang, you know, whatever the new words are.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: LARP, definitely a lot of people in this generation LARP now.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: Will you tell will you tell our Gen X listeners what the hell LARPing means?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_03: Well, LARPing is just like, I mean, it stands for what live action role playing.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: So it's just LARPing in like the modern sense is uh just pretending to have stuff you don't have.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: So like you're on social media, everyone's posting pictures.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: People take pictures of stuff they don't have, like nice cars.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like park put if you parked your car in front of somebody else's house, for example, and then pretended like that was your vibe.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_03: So I mean that's like that's LARPing pretty much, just posting or pretending something's yours that isn't, you know.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think I think we've we've and that that is like that goes to the performative, what you were saying, like people do that to be performative and try to like impress other people and try to seek validation from other people, you know?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_03: But it's very it all just kind of ties back into that searching for validation.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_03: Because like if people post that, they're like, bro, that's sick, right?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but the like at the end of the day, does that really fulfill you if it's like you're posting something that isn't yours and someone's like that's it's empty validation.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, I think it's one thing to have uh where someone is like uh you know complimenting you or making you feel good about something that you've done or like whatever that looks like, but that that LARPing or that putting stuff out there, what we think success looks like, and then trying to keep up with the Joneses, um, it's empty validation.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's like, oh, cool car, like whatever.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: We've prescribed to you guys what success looks like, and it's terrible.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like that's not what success looks like.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think that a lot.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, you know, there's these things that I see on on socials recently where it's like, how did we get to a society where this is what success looks like?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: And it's, you know, private planes and and fancy cars and big houses and all of this shit.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_03: And then what you know, then it says this is actually what success looks like, which is like time and nature like has just made like the the rich, luxurious like lifestyle look like success, even though like the wealthiest people are not posting any of that.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_03: They're investing all that money, they're being smart with their money, and they'll be set for life.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: And they don't give a shit.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and then boom, they can't retire until they're like seven.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like that's not financial freedom.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: Success to me looks like freedom.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_02: Success to me looks like being able to go do what you want to do without being handcuffed to giving a shit what other people think about.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but people just will make that money, they'll spend it on nice, flashy stuff for the validation.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_02: But that's that's the empty validation.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: No, exactly.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's like if a if a girl gets some money and goes and buys this crazy fancy purse, um, and then and then she wants people to notice that, you know, because she's not doing that for her.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: She's noticing that, or she's doing that for the outside validation if someone's saying something.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: If I look at a Chanel purse and a what's a like Don't know.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not I'm not a big purse gal.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: Mine's a camo one right over there.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like if I look at a Chanel purse and your camo purse and they're both camo, it's like obviously I'm gonna go with the cheaper one, but people go for the one with the two C's on it.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_03: It's like that doesn't matter.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't matter.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like it's the same, it holds your stuff all the same.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's it's fun to come from that perspective where you feel sure of yourself.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: How do you how do you do something about that if you're in a position where it's like you do come from that validation?
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think it's go inwards, don't you think?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: Go inwards?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, on yourself.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_03: What do you mean?
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: Well, like, like how do you fix what's, you know, if you feel like you seek validation from the outside, how would you fix that?
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta go inside and fix fix whatever is inside of you that makes you feel like you need that outside validation because you're not gonna somehow magically get a bunch of validation that just happens to happen to you.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_03: No, exactly.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I'm a religious person, I would personally say God is your the best option to feel like fulfilled and feel like you have purpose.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_03: Um for people that aren't religious.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um I don't know.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's so funny that you're saying this right now because um your dad and I just had a whole uh conversation on religion.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_03: What what was he saying?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: Well, your dad and I think God is so cute.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: I can't believe we're getting ready to have this conversation.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um I am a spiritual person, I'm not a religious person.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think there's a And then what what is the difference for you?
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: Uh like to describe the difference.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: I think religious people are trying to uh get into heaven.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I think spiritual people or try to stay out of hell, right?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: Religious people are trying to stay out of hell.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_02: Uh spiritual people have been through hell.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: And they know what that shit looks like, right?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: They don't need a building.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_02: They don't need, you know, religion to me, organized religion is is um is the man-made component of that.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: So when you say religion, I don't know that you necessarily read.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I mean I I mean just having a connection with Christ.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: With your big guy, right?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, with and whoever whoever whoever your God is.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_03: Again, I don't judge, I don't care how you believe in, uh it's not my right to step in.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_03: I personally believe in Jesus.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um and so whoever that is for you, yeah, you you don't need the outside religion, but I think if you have a strong connection with him, you'll feel fulfilled.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: I think you're absolutely right.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's what your gut is.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: Because if you feel like you're tied to a higher power, right, then you know you're on this earth for a purpose.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_03: And that'll make that purpose brings fulfillment to people.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_03: So, and then you're not searching for that outside validation, you know, like all that, all that just becomes once you flip over, then you look back at your old self, you're like, I was so silly, like I was so naive.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_02: Energy is everything, and most of us are spending it like drunk gamblers at a Vegas blackjack table.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_02: My book is built around one simple but powerful tool: quantifying your energy so you know exactly where it's going and how to get more of it back.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_02: Think of it as a manual for your soul's fuel tank.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: If you're tired of running on empty, this book will show you how to fill back up and keep yourself in the game long enough to actually win.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Get your copy of the Life Hack playbook on Amazon or on the podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: The purpose component of that I think is really big.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_02: I want to hammer on that for a quick second because I think, you know, when you're in your own head and in your own way and doing the whole, like, oh poor me, life is so whatever.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_03: You're just playing the victim.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_03: You're playing the victim, right?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: But when you have purpose uh and and and definiteness of purpose of I'm being called or pushed in this direction, right?
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: The stuff that I do, I absolutely feel compelled to do.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel like I have a choice.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the book, the show, the and project, those are things that to me are my pillar of my purpose.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I will put everything that I have behind those things because I watch the impact that that has, and I believe that that's the b the big guy's plan for me, right?
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so I will absolutely do everything in my power to find it.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_03: Having a purpose like that, it it gets you up in the morning, gets you, keeps you motivated throughout the day.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think your purpose is?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_02: Chilling.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_02: You're 19 year olds.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta figure that out.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but definitely when I'm older, like I feel called to do some sort, I want to do some sort of like non-profit, that's what it's called, right?
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_03: Some sort of non-profit with like homeless people.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like I just feel like very like I want I want to help them in some way.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_03: Because they're they're humans, same as us.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: They truly are.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: They truly are.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_03: When I'm older, that's definitely like a big, big goal of mine.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_03: But right now, still still searching for uh whatever that whatever that brings.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I think just even going about life the way that you are, with just taking the chill way, not getting so twisted up in um, you know, other people the world and other people's expectations, you know, it's like um that's not that's not the the right vantage point.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um the right POV.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: The right POV.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_02: I love a POV.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_02: Well, again, like open your mind and and see things from that from that place.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, your dad and I also spoke about race, and I want to speak to you about race as well, and have your get your POV on that because I think uh what is your take on what is happening out there in the world and uh and maybe just some solution suggestions that you might have on ways that we could come together instead of being so divided.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_03: You would have to tell me what's going on out there first.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_03: I don't I don't pay attention to the news, none of that.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_02: Tell tell me this.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: In your friend group, do you have all colors represented?
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like I don't I don't dislike like in my close friend group.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: Just think about the top 10, 15, 20 people that you have in your life, right?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have a black person, a brown person, you know, all of the different different races represented?
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_02: In those people that when you guys hang out, does it feel like so here's the thing.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: I think race relations at your age are completely different than race relations at your dad and my age.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_03: I would agree.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_03: I I would say my generation, like millennials and down, I don't I don't want to say no one sees race, but like it's just not a thing, right?
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's not really, it's not a big deal, I don't feel like so here So like that's why when you say, oh, all the stuff going on out there.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's not going on in your life.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's interesting because it's like I think a lot of people keep talking about a lot of things, and in the same way that anything in life is, if you keep fueling it with your energy, it will stay alive, right?
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like we talk about it.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like if everyone had uh like a mindset like me about it where it's like it's just a person, like it really the race does not matter, then race wouldn't be a thing anymore.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_03: Then people would just be people.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_03: I you know what I mean.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_02: Humanity would get a win.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_03: But like people just keep bringing up race in that, yeah, it it adds the oxygen to the fire that keeps it going.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_02: It adds the oxygen to the fire.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's like people out there listening, please, for the love of God, realize this is this is the solution.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, right?
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't here's the whole thing.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: People again, everybody's in the stadium on the race thing.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_02: Race is in the middle, right?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_02: Race is the baseball game that's going on.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: And you're just fueling it, and you're yelling from my angle, this is what it looks like, and from my angle, this is what it looks like.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: And you have, like you said, millennial and down, who I agree with you.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_02: I think race is not a thing.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's not a thing.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_03: But I mean, it is just such a charged topic from like the history of it, like, because there have been racial divides.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_03: It was like, yes, we will acknowledge it, we get that uh what was done in the past was wrong.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_03: A thousand percent.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's terrible.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's disgusting.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_03: Terrible things.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_03: But like that's not that isn't on going on today.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_03: So if we just drop race and just go forward, right, you know, we can we can all say, hey, what happened was terrible.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_03: But it's not, we're not racist, we're not doing it anymore.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_03: Just move forward.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but it it is a charged topic because of that.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_03: Because there is all that history behind it.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_03: So I can see why people's POVs are like so like charged, energetic about race and make it such a big deal.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_02: I get it, because there's more to it.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I realize that I'm a white woman in America sitting here on a couch talking to my white son in America about like race shouldn't be a thing.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: And and also I have talked to plenty of black people who who say this is not something that affects them in their everyday life uh out in the wild, right?
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: But on the socials and on the TV, it makes it look so incredibly terrible because it's like people screaming, this is what the history was, this is what the history was, this is what all of this stuff was, and all of the things.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, awesome.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, so let's just tell everyone you're right.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: From your POV, it doesn't matter if white people were the ones that started slavery, or if black people were the ones that started slavery, or if these things happened, or if that thing's happened, excellent.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_02: You guys all win.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_02: And then what are we gonna fucking do about it, right?
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: That's where I always come to, as I'm always coming from this place of solutions, is you're absolutely right, that's completely outrageous.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_02: And if we find that there's racism where it's uh, you know, in jobs or in uh other things, then let's I absolutely talk about those specific things and rectify those things and come up with solutions for those things.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: But this blanket motherfuckering people, because oh my god, this happened or that happened or whatever, it's like, okay, you're right.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_02: What do we want to do next then?
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that that's all of the topics that are out there that are happening, it's so divisive.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: And the and the circus, right?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: I call the three-ring circus the the media, the politics, and the big pharma, those are the folks that are profiting while they stir the pot.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_02: And they're the ones that are stirring the potential.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: They choose what you get to see.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: No, 100%.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: So it's not like the algorithm doesn't play fair.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_02: The algorithm keeps you outraged and keeps you angry and keeps you hating one another, right?
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: And the whole entire time, humanity is fucking going out the drain.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's going down the drain, right?
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: And humanity needs a big win right now.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_02: Because I look at our kids, I look at the wilies of the world who's 19 years old and has his whole life in front of him, who it's scary out there.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's really scary out there with the way that they're dividing us.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_02: We've got to do something about it, you know, and it's not going to get done by trying to get everyone else to say you're right and they're wrong.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's never going to happen.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: So just ever just so everyone knows.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_03: Everyone just needs to come together.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_03: You're all right.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_03: Look, we've all had some messed up stuff happen to us.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: And then what are we gonna do to move forward, right?
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_02: Let's yeah, let's not be fucking racist.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_02: That would be great.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_02: And if we find that people are actively being racist, then let's address that swiftly and with as much attention as it requires and deserves, right?
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think that that's a solution.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_02: But motherfuckering each other because we're not agreeing on how history went down or what statue is there or whatever, who fucking cares?
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: We're literally being robbed of our humanity, and you guys are worried about who stood which color started slavery or which didn't, right?
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_02: Again, I get it.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: That history is is savage.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: I totally understand it.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_02: And no one is ever gonna be like, you're right, we found the right piece of paper, we all agree now.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_02: That will never happen.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_02: So rather than continuing to do that, why don't we come from a place of solutions and say, we're gonna draw a line and and and reset where we don't have slaves anymore, we're not doing that stuff anymore.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't get to pick the color of my skin any more than anyone else got to pick the color of theirs.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I had this, I had this uh example when Casey came on and I was dealing out a deck of cards, you know, and it's like, okay, here's the hand that you were dealt.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_02: You're a white man in America, right?
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a white woman in America.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_02: Next person down is, you know, a black woman in America or a a Mexican man in America or whatever it is, right?
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: And you have all the other things that go into.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_03: You have no choice.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_02: You have no choice.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_03: You can't blame someone for that.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_02: I don't get to choose that I'm straight or that I'm whatever, like that's just how that's just how it is.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's how I came out of the box.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like, why are we going to try to beat each other up about that rather than saying, you know what, that was really fucked up.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_02: Bad things happened.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, as a woman, I can say, you know how outrageous it is that we didn't get to vote, that we didn't get to whatever, and I can sit here and hold up the victim card for as long as I want to.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_02: But then, and when then what happened, right?
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, and then what's the solution?
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_03: But holding up the victim card does no one any good.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't do anybody.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_03: It adds more more to the city.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, more oxygen to the fire.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like, how do you get other people to understand that like we have to get to this place of coming from a place of of solutions instead of pointing fingers and blaming one another?
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_02: Because that feels really dangerous to me.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know, everyone's at this fever pitch level, and and we've got elementary EQ levels all over the place, which is what this this whole everyone getting triggered.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I visualize this as like you have the this band of humanity.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, right?
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_02: And inside that band are all the people.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_02: This is really fun to me.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_02: I love explaining it.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: I love show and tell.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: I love show and tell.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: So you have this whole band of people, and inside of here you have the masses.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_02: Say this is like say this is like say it's like 90% of people, because there are people that don't get twisted up in it, right?
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: I will say that I'm not in that band.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: I did spend decades in that band of people, but that's the majority of people.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: All races, all genders, all of the things they're in here, right?
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_02: And everyone has all of these triggers, and so they're just bouncing off of one another, and we're all causing our own suffering because it's like you said that it was, you know, someone that did this, and I disagree with you, and I'm right, and you're wrong, and like all of this shit, and we just cause all of our own suffering.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_02: So they just bounce all over one another.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then you realize that there's a different way, and you can fix your own shit and work on your own emotional intelligence so that what you say doesn't bother me.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: If you and I sat here right now and you said, Your hair is green, and I said, No, it's not.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: And you said, Your hair is green.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, okay, no, it's not.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna sit here like a child, like a toddler, and have a fucking fight with you because you say my hair is green and I know my hair isn't green.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's that's the people surgeon for the the validation.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_03: It all ties back to it all ties back to the right.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_03: It all ties back to the validation.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_02: But what that is, is that's an inside job because you can fucking fix that.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_02: You can fix that where you don't need outside validation from other people.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_02: But what that looks like is you have to fix your shit.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_02: Chapter three.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_02: Fix your shit.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_03: By the book.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: Buy the book.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_02: Fix your shit, right?
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_02: Because so many people think, oh, you triggered me.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_02: Your trigger is your work, boss.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, your trigger isn't my work, your trigger is your work.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_02: So people get triggered and then they fucking take it out on whoever triggered them.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, bro.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's not fair to you're bleeding all over me, and I'm not the one that fucking cut you, right?
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like, but that's that's a good that's a good enough.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's the 90%.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_02: So you can stay in there and you guys can fuel.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, you watch, I see different clips about like the fucking poison that comes out of that show, The View.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: What the view.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: What is that?
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's just this daytime show that just has fucking poison.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's just the media, right?
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_02: They put these puppet women up there that just spew fucking hate and poison.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: Very politically driven, very, if you're not on their side, you know, all of this.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_02: What a bunch of fucking assholes all of those people are.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_02: Irresponsible as far as I'm concerned.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm not just talking about the puppets that they put on the fucking stage with the coffee mugs.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about the assholes behind the scenes that are stirring shit up and making neighbors fucking hate one another.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: Shame on those fucking people for doing that, right?
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_02: But those are all the 90% of people that are just, they get reactive and somebody says something and it's fucked them and fuck them and everyone's pissed off and you're not validated, and you tell me my hair is green, and it is not green.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's the that's the level of emotional intelligence that I'm talking about, right?
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_02: If you sat here and told me my hair is green, and I know I looked in the mirror this morning, I know what color my hair is, you can say that as much as you want, and I'm gonna be like, great job, boss.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_02: What else?
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: But the 90% of the people go, it is not green, and they get real worked up about shit, right?
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just using a funny example about the green hair, but that's exactly what it is.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_02: If you told somebody, well, here's my experience with racism, well, that's not true, and they don't.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_02: You're absolutely right.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_02: You're sitting in a different seat of the stadium, boss, right?
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_02: Doesn't change the fact that we've got problems that need solutions.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right?
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_02: Problems that need solutions, not more oxygen to fuel the hate and the fucking fear, more solutions.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, so it's like Well, the solution is people fixing it inside of them, but fix your shit.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_03: There's too many people for everyone to do that.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like so you've got the 10% of people or the five percent.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just using round, you know, numbers.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: Who fucking knows what the actual percentage is?
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_02: Who cares?
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_02: But it's the majority by a mile of people that do not have bigger than ninety.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_02: It might be exactly it might be bigger than ninety.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like the people that are so Elementary level emotionally intelligent, right?
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: Those are children to me.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_02: Those are children in aging bodies, right?
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's the high school behavior that you see in 40 and 50 year olds, right?
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: The bullying and the gossiping and the gross behavior.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like stuff you see on the drama TV shows.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like I look at that and it's like, what are we doing, you guys?
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's fucking gross.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_02: It just hundreds again, no judgment.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_02: I spent a lot of time in that same place, but I know now I found a different way.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I found the cheat codes, which is why I do all of the things that I do because I'm like, it doesn't have to be this way.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_02: When people get all twisted up in that and live in these different uh realities of that they've created themselves and caused their own suffering and all of that, it's like, you guys, it doesn't have to be like that.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_02: You're you're focusing on the wrong things.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_02: You're focusing on what they want you to focus on, right?
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_02: The circus tent wants you to focus on all those things.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_02: They want with us to still be arguing over abortions this far down the line.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: So stupid.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's so stupid.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's like stupid.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: Can we talk?
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_02: Can we come from a place of solutions?
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone comes from this, like that goes against the moral compass.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: Whose moral compass?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: Wiley and I live in the same fucking house.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_02: His moral compass can be different than mine, and I raised him.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_02: I want you to come from whatever place lands with you and who you are with your higher power, right?
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: The big guy inside of you, you guys figure out what your moral compass is.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_02: You're a good person, you're kind, you take care of other people.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't have to line up exactly with mine.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not so fragile in my fucking ego that if you don't agree with me, right, I lose my mind.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's like saying your hair is green.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, it is not.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what grade are we in?
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's the shit that I see that just keeps happening out there where I'm like, what are you guys doing?
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_02: Wake up.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_02: Wake up.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's your energy, right?
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_02: The Skittles and the energy, and you're talking about, you know, people are outraged and they're against their neighbors, and people are cutting off families because of politics.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, you guys understand that those dickheads that are on the left and the right get together for dinner and laugh all the way to the fucking bank with your goddamn money?
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_02: They're funding this division.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's so true.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_02: They're funding this fight with your fucking money while you're burning your neighbor to the ground, while you don't talk to your fucking mom anymore, where you fucking cut family members off because you guys don't understand boundaries and how to fucking just say, hey, if your dad's a big Trumper, would you mind not talking about that shit when we hang out?
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because I love you, but I can't fucking handle that anymore.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: That guy really fucking bothers me.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_03: It's as simple as that.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_03: It takes five seconds.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_03: It takes five seconds to say that.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: And if he doesn't respect that, then that's on him.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_02: And then you can say, this is the consequence of that because I want to connect with you on things that actually matter, not on the circus, right?
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: We have people in our family who are on the left, we have people on the right, and then we have me who doesn't give a fuck one way or the other, right?
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_02: Which is excellent.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't, I couldn't care less, right?
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_02: People are like, who was the last president?
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't fucking know.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like, who's this politician?
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_02: Couldn't care less.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's a it's a terribly scripted reality show, and I'm not subscribing to that because I'm not wasting my fucking energy on that.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_02: My Skittles are my Skittles, and I'm gonna use those to make my fucking life amazing.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna feed them into some machine that stirs it up and fucking, you know, pumps out hate and division and fear, which is what the circus does.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you feed it in with your Skittles, and what comes out the other side is not a is not something that I'm interested in subscribing to.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_02: And so I don't put my Skittles there, right?
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_02: But I watch all of these people as they're literally burning their lives to the ground, right?
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_02: To the ground, just frazzled, stressed, not fucking grounded.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: Wiley, it's so cute.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: He's 19, he's like, over politics?
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_02: Why would you do that?
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_02: This is the eight-year-old POV.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_02: This you and I are the eight-year-old POV, which is like, why would you do that?
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_02: That doesn't make any sense.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's your most valuable resource.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_03: I I just don't like you're saying people are burning their lives to the ground.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_02: I don't really To the ground.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_03: To the ground.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_03: I don't see like the real world examples of that.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_03: But I talked to that.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_02: I talked to a woman yesterday who literally her son cut her off because she didn't vote the way that he wants to.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_02: That happens all the time.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_02: Go check out the comment section.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_02: People saying, My son doesn't talk to me anymore, my daughter doesn't talk to me anymore, my father doesn't talk to me, my because you voted for somebody that has differing opinions.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because you're so fragile and your ego.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's absurd.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_02: Your ego is so fragile that you can't fucking have a conversation with someone who disagrees with you.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_02: We're not even suggesting that you talk about the things that you disagree with.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_02: Just don't talk about the things that you disagree with each other on if you can't fucking handle it.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_03: A simple A.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_02: Let's not uh bring this up and then implement a remember Triggerfish?
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_02: Implement implement a code word.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_02: So so in our household, this is a pro tip.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_02: This is a pro tip.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_02: Uh the girls when they were when they were younger and they were in their like late teens, early 20s, Wiley's sisters are like oil and water.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_03: And so that's a good way to put it.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_02: That is, right?
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like they just butt heads like crazy and they know how to push each other's buttons, which is fucking terrible, and it's hard to be part of.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so when we were in that place when we were living up north, and um and whenever they were around, God, they would just they would burn shit to the ground.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so we implemented a uh a code word to establish boundaries as a family, and so we would say trigger fish, and we I printed up a contract and everyone had to sign it, and it was a whole thing.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta remember that.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'll I'll pull the contract up and show you where you're signed.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean you were too young at that point, but but but when somebody in our household uses the word trigger fish, it shuts a conversation down.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_03: That breaks the contract.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_02: You only broke it one time.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_02: You only broke it one more than once.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_02: We better, we better add an amendment to that contract.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_02: But but you can't, we don't, we just shut it down at that point.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's like that's what boundaries are, that's what adults do.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's like if there's something where we're we're not just gonna continue to go down this path where we burn people to the ground, but you have to implement some some higher level than tempered tantrum toddler shit uh on the emotional intelligence level.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_02: If you don't do that, then what you're gonna get is people burning relationships to the ground over race, over gender, over I mean, think about all of the things that are going on right now, and it's like you don't agree with me, fuck you.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh and it's like, are you out of your mind?
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_02: We're all sitting in different seats in the stadium, honey.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_02: All of us are sitting in different seats.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_02: So when someone says, I'm right, you're wrong.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_02: No, everybody's right.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody in the stadium bought a ticket.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody has their own fucking vantage point to where the action is.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes the action is in different places, you know, on things that are big, maybe we let the umpire make the call.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_03: And who's the umpire?
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it depends on what the situation is.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_02: It depends on the whatever the situation is.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right now, no one's manning the store.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_02: People are just raping and pillaging, so it's like who's the umpire?
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_02: We should we should put some other accountability in there.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_02: I have all sorts of things ways to fix the political system.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_02: No one comes to me for the answers, but that's okay.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_02: And it and it includes fucking just scrapping all sorts of shit, you know, because I hear things that are happening out there and I'm like, why would it be like that?
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_02: Why would politicians make as much money as politicians make?
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_02: They're supposed to be public servants that work for us.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, why is the voting system so difficult?
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_02: We all have fucking smartphones.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_02: Who gives a shit if you have an ID or not?
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_02: Your smartphones, you're right.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_02: Think about all the apps and the technology that we have.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let each person vote.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_02: Each person that has a pay uh a phone that fucking works and is in the country at the time gets a vote.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_02: Who cares if they're legal or not legal?
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_02: Cut it out.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_02: You'd get everyone to fucking vote at that point.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_02: Then you're actually representing the mass, you know, the population for whatever it is.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_02: You get people that are all worked up about Trump, and it's like more people voted for Trump than not for Trump.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's how elections work.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_02: Now, whether we say it's rigged or not rigged, and the last one was rigged or not rigged or whatever, more people in this country support Trump than don't.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care one way or the other, but what are you getting worked up about?
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's we don't know how to vote and we don't know how we came all of this way, and we're still gonna get down to like where we're counting paper tickets, we've got octagenarians counting fucking paper ballots and we're wondering.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_03: Are you saying when the election was?
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's when the election was, but that's how it'll go again.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's like we have our phones.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_03: Now the losing team will do that every election.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_02: Every election.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_03: What a bunch of 100%.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_02: So what a bunch of fucking wasted resources on that.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_02: Give every single person that is pinging in the United States a vote.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_02: If their phone originated in the U.S.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_02: Then they don't get a vote.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_02: So it's never gonna be good for everyone.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's the whole thing that people don't understand.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's never gonna be uh the right thing for a hundred percent of the time.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_02: But if you said, here's what this is, take a picture of your fucking ID, upload it, and if you have a phone, make your vote.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't that be great?
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't it be great if we only we told politicians they can't smear the other person?
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_02: They only can tell us what they're going to do for us instead of what they're going to undo of the last game.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_02: That'd be a good let's come from a place of fucking solutions.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I just don't understand this.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you guys want to keep yelling about things that we've been yelling about for the whole time.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_02: Half the people think abortion should be legal, half the people think they shouldn't be.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_02: How many more decades are we gonna keep continue to argue about this?
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_02: How about we come from a place of solutions?
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because we could take the money that we've spent fighting on this and offer tube legations for women that you know having their tubes tied.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_02: Tube legations have their tubes tied so that women that don't want to have babies, that don't have you know access to affordable birth control or any of that don't have to have that be a problem.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't that be great?
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_02: That would that would cut our numbers down and enormously right there.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe making adoption where it's approachable, instead of you've got a bunch of nutjobs standing outside of the fucking abortion clinics yelling at people that are just trying to go in to get STD tested.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's like planned parenthood is more than just abortions, right?
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_02: So you're wasting that energy on shaming other people.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_02: Someone having to have an abortion is the most difficult decision that they will make in their entire life, I guarantee you.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_02: I've taken women to get abortions.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_02: I've I've held space for women that have had abortions, I've talked with women that decided not to get abortions.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_02: These are not fun decisions to be making.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_02: We don't need anybody else to weigh in on that stuff.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_02: If we don't like that, let's try to come from a place of solutions, right?
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_02: On all the topics, right?
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: We can agree to fucking disagree and then say, and then what are we going to do about it?
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because right now, and I fucking sound like a hundred-year-old woman right now, I sound like your grandma.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_02: Well, what hell in a fucking handbasket, and I don't even believe in hell.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's like people don't realize heaven and hell are places right here on earth.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_03: That is true.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_02: It is true, and we are living in hell.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's what this is.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_02: This that's what this is.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm in.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I don't live in hell because I making you understand what I'm saying.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_02: I run my own race.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: I keep my Skittles and I put my energy into things that I think are important and that advance me.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_02: But I think people don't understand, they get so twisted up, and then they don't have an emotional band, like an emotional intelligence to be able to understand that.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's why I have to come up with ways like the stadium seats or the the disco ball to explain things to people.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's like yours is just one little perspective, and also how beautiful it is when you bring a whole stadium of people together.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_03: Put all the lights together, you get your disco ball.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_02: You get your disco ball.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't that so beautiful?
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, so it's like I don't need to tell you that you're wrong or that you're right.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_02: I can sit across from anyone on the couch and have a conversation about something.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_02: And you can yell at me as loud as you want that I have green hair and I know who I am and I know what color my hair is.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have to act like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum because you think something differently than I do.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's the solution, right?
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_02: Work on fixing your own shit.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_02: Work on fixing your own shit and then lift where you stand.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_02: Do you understand that?
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_03: Lift where you stand.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh God, I love this.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_02: I want to share this with you.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that when people are like so clutching their pearls because all of the injustices in the world don't outrage me, I think you're silly for letting everything that's injustice injust in the world outrage you.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_02: I come from the completely opposite perspective.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think that all of those skittles that you're wasting on being outraged about things that you won't be able to affect, you know, whatever the latest topic is that the media wants you to be outraged about, people get outraged about that.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_02: While you're being outraged, your kids are sitting at the table waiting for you to fucking plug in with them.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_02: You're throwing skittles at stuff that doesn't matter.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_02: So if you fixed your shit and you lift from where you stand, it means What does that mean though?
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_02: Getting getting plugged in with your community and what you can affect in your community.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_02: So like homelessness is that is something that pulls at your heartstrings, right?
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_02: Sexual trauma is something that pulls at my heartstrings, right?
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_02: Savagely, in a savage way.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to get involved in my community and do the things that I can.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to lift where I stand.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to fix my own shit and then lift where I stand.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's a very simple two-step solutions plan, right?
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_02: Literally.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_02: It is, because it's like I am able to affect change because I'm able to plug into the things in my local community that have an impact on what pulls to me, right?
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it what pulls to other people is dogs in shelters or uh, you know, like the home, whatever it is, domestic violence.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: It could be anything, right?
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: Any of the problems that are out there.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_02: But if you're so focused on screaming into the void about you being right and everyone else being wrong, all of those skittles that you're throwing out there, you're not able to lift with.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_02: You're not able to fix your own shit with.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like, these are really simple concepts that I'm talking about.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_02: Why does this feel like it's so out of line?
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm happy to sit down with anyone that has better ideas for solutions, but I'm done talking about bullshit.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm done fueling and giving oxygen to fires that were never, you know, that should have been burnt out a long time ago.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because the people that profit from that follow the money.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_02: Politicians, media, big pharma.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's the three-ring circus.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_02: And instead, we just let them take our Skittles.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_02: And if you don't know what Skittles are, get a copy of the goddamn book.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_02: You can listen to me say it to you.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_03: You have an audio book yet or not?
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_02: I do have an audio book yet.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm putting it in Spanish.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_03: Really?
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's my that's what I'm working on right now.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm putting it in Spanish.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_02: Nice.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_02: So I do what I can because there are nuggets in that book that I think people need, right?
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_02: It is again, it's as simple as a visualization of the stadium or the disco ball.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's what that book is on 10 different topics about triggers and energy and you know, boundaries and and you know, mental strength.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_02: I put all of those different visuals into it so that people can kind of get their heads around it and start working with it.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_02: And it's changing every single person that I've talked to that's reading it, that is getting a getting their head heads around it, they're able to make changes in their own life that are powerful instead of just throwing their Skittles at shit that doesn't matter.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_02: Any uh any final words you'd like to share with our listeners?
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_03: Congrats on 20K.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_03: Big big milestone.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um very proud of you.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_03: And buy the book.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_03: Uh definitely that's first step of the solution.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_02: First step of the solution.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_03: You read the book, right?
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_03: Lift where you stand.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_03: I like that term.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_02: I do too.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_02: Fix fix your shit and lift where you stand.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's a two-part plan.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like lead by example in your community.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's how you make a difference.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_03: And uh the one thing you told me last night from Jason Lamar's book.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_02: It was the The Truman Show, chapter 26.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_03: It was like, do everything as if like you're being broadcasted to the world.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_03: Because at first, yeah, I was when you first said that, I was like, but then you wouldn't be yourself.
• 58:59
  unknown: Yeah.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_03: But then after you explained, I was like, then you'd be the best version of yourself.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_03: Because you're like, everyone's watching.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_03: So literally just when you're going around, going about your day, just pretend like you're being broadcasted and you'll be the best version of you.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's another book I can't recommend highly enough, is Jason Lamar's.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_03: The best version of yourself will bring out the best version of others.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_02: Totally does.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_02: It totally does.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_02: I've I've watched her as I've lifted where I stood, as everyone around me elevates.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_02: It elevates.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_02: Literally, like you you look at that happening.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_02: So two-step plan, right?
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_02: Fix your own shit, lift where you stand, right?
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_02: Simple.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_02: Not easy.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_02: Simple.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Wiley, for coming on the show today.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_02: I really appreciate you.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, okay, so if something from today's conversation hit home, challenge your perspective, or handed you a cheat code you didn't know you needed, we'd love to hear about it.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_02: Send us a DM or email us at ladies at let's get podcast excuse me, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_02: If you believe these conversations matter, help us get them into more ears.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_02: Follow, share, rate, review, uh, send an episode to someone you care about.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_02: Stay curious, keep growing, and don't waste your potential.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_02: We'll see you on the next one.