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What Changes When You Understand Eczema · Skinquiries

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I documented myself shaving my head because I had lost
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: so much hair. I didn't have a hairline. And I
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: even started collecting my skin that was shedding. I had
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: it in a glass jar because I was like, this
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: is wild.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Filling a glass with your own skin is, and I
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: say this with so much love, strange. And yet, that's
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: exactly what Brianna did to collect evidence so she could
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: show people what she was experiencing. Throughout this season, we've
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: heard what happens when eczema is minimized, misunderstood, or treated
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: as something purely cosmetic. People end up struggling to find
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: language for what they're experiencing or getting the support and
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: care that they need. So what changes when an experience
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: that has been dismissed is finally understood? And what becomes
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: possible when we learn to meet ourselves where we actually are? Hello, friends,
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: and welcome, or welcome back, to Skin Queries. This is
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: a show about skin, but we all know it is
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: really secretly a show about people. Because skin health doesn't
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: exist in a vacuum. It shapes how we're seen. It
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: shapes how we see ourselves and our experiences of confidence, identity, community,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: and care. I am your host, Dylan Maron. Thank you
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: for being here. For our season finale, we're asking what
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: it really means to understand and accept a life with eczema,
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: especially when getting others to understand can be its own struggle. Today,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: my guest is Brianna Banos, a dancer and the filmmaker
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: behind Preventable, a documentary about topical steroid withdrawal. Brianna's experience
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: challenged what she thought she understood about her skin, her health,
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: and what healing was supposed to look like. Her story
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: explores how we respond when the path forward is unclear,
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: how we advocate for experiences others may not understand, and
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: why acceptance doesn't have to mean giving up on change.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: But before Brianna turned to film to make sense of
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: what was happening to her skin, she found another kind
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: of freedom through dance.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I am a product of divorce. I moved around quite
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: a bit. And I think expressing myself through movement was
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: my way of dealing with all of that. And I
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: was a very, very studious kind of like teacher's pet
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: at school. So I was very serious at school. But
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: at dance, I could be super goofy. I could just
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: be super silly. I even had a friend tell me
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: when we finally went to high school together, She danced
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: with me and then saw me at school and was like,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: you're two different people. So dance was just that space
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: where I could just let everything go.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: That's cool. I'm so glad you had that. As a kid,
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: did eczema affect your ability to dance, your ability to
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: kind of throw yourself into it?
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I had very manageable eczema. I didn't need to be
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: at the derms back and call to try and get prescriptions.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: So it was just managing some pretty mild areas that
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: are common for eczema in the creases of the elbow,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: creases of the knees, back to the knees, maybe a
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: little on the neck, you know, chapped lips, those kinds
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: of things. I was definitely self-conscious of it. Anyone that
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: has eczema, you just think it's the most glaring thing
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: in the room when oftentimes my friends would say they
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: didn't even realize I had eczema. Yeah. Um, so thankfully
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I can't say that it prevented me from being able
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: to dance.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: So you were dancing throughout childhood. When did you decide
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: to pursue it professionally?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: So once I had graduated from college, I had an
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: English degree and I just, I think I kept telling
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: myself I'd have to give it up. I'm gonna have
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: to give this up and start being in the real world.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And When I had graduated, someone had mentioned that you
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: could audition to be a cruise ship dancer or cruise
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: ship performer. And I was like, you know what? I'm
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: going to give it a go. I'm going to give
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: it a shot.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: And within two weeks of the audition, I had a
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: contract in my hand. Oh. Yeah.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: So it was just a very quick like, all right,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing next.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. This is who I am now. Yeah. Okay. What
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: is that like to dance on a cruise ship?
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: So much fun. Yeah. It has its ups and downs.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: You know, you're living on a cruise ship. You're away
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: from family. You don't get to spend holidays with them.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: But it's such a gift to be able to get
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: paid for what you love to do. You meet people
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: from all around the world and you get to see
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: the world on the dime of your company.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's heaven.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: That's perfect.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: It was perfect. But I think it's what... kicked off
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: my eczema getting worse.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Why would you say that is?
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: So I just have a theory because obviously I can't
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: go back in time and really know. But when I
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: moved on board, it's a lot of circulated air. The
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: water is different than the water that you have at home.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: And any sensitive skin person like Yeah.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Like real vodka. Yeah. Whoa. Oh my God. Trade secrets.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: You heard it here first.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: It's to kill the bacteria. And that works for most people.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: But for someone with sensitive skin, it's just, it wasn't
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: a breeding environment, I think, for me.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Of course.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: The lotions that I was using, over-the-counter emollients and things
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: like that, they weren't cutting it. So all of those combined,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: my skin just kind of got out of control.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: How did these eczema flare-ups on the cruise ship inhibit
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: your ability to perform?
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: So I was very itchy. And I think the biggest
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: thing was I could deal with the itch and I
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: could deal with kind of the physical annoying parts of it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: But it was more so I'm a dancer. I need
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: to present myself in a certain way. And I couldn't
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: cover all of these spots and things. So I was
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: very self-conscious. being on a stage and then trying to
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: put makeup, especially around my eyes, which is where I
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: had a lot of it, trying to get my makeup
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: to stay. It would be cakey, it would be flaky.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: So it just became a nuisance and very, very self-conscious
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: All I want to do is look better and feel
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: better for my job. Right. I ended up going to
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: this onshore dermatologist and And I remember her saying, I
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: know exactly what you need. She was very reassuring. And
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: she ended up throwing like the kitchen sink at me.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I had a topical steroid. I had a kind of
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: immunosuppressant ointment given to me. I was given, I believe,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: an antibiotic oral, an antifungal oral, and I think an
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: anti-itch pill. Whoa. It was so many things.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: These are all at the same time.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: All at the same time. And then I was told
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: to use a cooking lard as like an emollient on
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: my skin.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: And then from kitchen sink prescribed to you, you go
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: back to the cruise ship. Yes. Was this helping at all?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, it helped tremendously. I finish out that kitchen sink
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: and I go to my second contract for this cruise
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: ship company. Yeah. Then my skin kicks off again. And
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: it's even in more different places. So then I get
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: put back on the kitchen sink and I stay on
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: that for a bit longer. And once my third cruise
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: ship hits, I didn't really stop that kitchen sink. And
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: they even tried to put me on an immunosuppressive drug
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: because I just couldn't get my skin to calm down.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: I loved what I was doing, but it was really
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: deteriorating my health. And at that time, I was also
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: getting married.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Whoa. Oh. A lot is happening in life.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: A lot is happening.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Once I had gotten married, this is September of 2014,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: my skin just seemed really upset at everything. It became
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: a central focal point of how I managed everyday life.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: What could I wear? Could I go in the pool?
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: All these things I never used to have to think
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: about before is now at the forefront of every decision
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: plan that I have to make.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: And so now after the three contracts, you decide to
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: not go back to the cruise ship. It obviously sounds
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: like such a dreamy job. How did it feel to leave?
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: I mean, I imagine that wasn't easy or fun.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: No, it was horrible. I'm a very positive person. And
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: so I just thought, oh, I'll be able to find
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: a job like this on land. I would do auditions
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: for other places so that I could be in a
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: more controlled environment. like be at my home and things
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: like that instead of on a cruise ship. But it
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: was very difficult to leave because, you know, my partner
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: was also on the cruise ship. That's what he did
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: for his job. And so for him to have to
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: find another job as well with me, it was just
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: a lot I felt like I was having to take
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: a back seat kind of and let my skin take
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: the wheel and it just it's never nice like I
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: had finally gotten to somewhere I had wanted to be
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: and I felt like I wasn't making the decision my
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: skin was making that decision Yeah.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: It's a mind warp when that happens. How were you
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: healing your skin in this time, in this time that
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: you say it got quite bad?
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I was still on the concoction, like the kitchen sink.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Gotcha.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: And it got ramped up to the point where the
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: dermatologist wanted me to try a stronger steroid. And that's
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: when I remember my mother just kind of being really
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: iffy about me taking all of this stuff for such
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: a long time.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: And I I agreed with her. So what we were
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: going to do is I was going to take a break.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: And that's when things got really wild. It spread all
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: over my back. My pelvis region was getting really red.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: My eyes got really puffy and red. My wrist area.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I remember us thinking, am I allergic to something? Like
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: what happened? And so from that September, 2014 to December 2014,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: it was a conundrum of trying to figure out what
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: was happening while I was also trying to be certified
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: as a personal trainer, trying to sign a new apartment
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: that we were going to move into. I remember just
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: feeling so ill. I had to call off teaching a
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: couple dance classes at the new city that we were
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: going to be moving to and kind of Googling these symptoms,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: which is Which is when something called Red Skin Syndrome
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: and topical steroid withdrawal had popped up. So my partner
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: and I had moved in to our new apartment January
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: 25th of 2015, and that was the last time I
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: touched a steroid.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: If you feel comfortable, I know this is not fun
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: to relive, but what were your symptoms when they were
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: at their worst?
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: It was red from head to toe. I had very
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: burning skin, very bone deep itch. Like you could just
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: claw at yourself and pray that you reach bone. I
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: couldn't sleep. I had horrible insomnia. I had oozing. Like
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: it's just like this like plasma. And to me, it
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: smells like wet dog. Like it's so disgusting. And it
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: was coming out of my ears. It was coming out
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: of like- Everywhere. Just everywhere, honestly. And- I was sticking
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: to things. Um, I had thermal dysregulation, so I would
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: feel very cold and lots of, you know, I'd be
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: in a blanket, but I'd be emanating heat. Um, I
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: lost my hair. So I, I documented myself shaving my
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: head because I had lost so much hair. Like I
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: didn't have a hairline, like just, it was all back here.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Hair was everywhere. Um, and I was shedding profusely. Like
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: I even started collecting my skin that was shedding. I
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: had it in a glass jar because I was like,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: this is wild. I started taking photos and things and
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: I put up a blog. I think after about a
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: month and a half or two months, I was petrified.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I was so scared to even tell people in my
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: life that I was going through this because I was embarrassed.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I was so embarrassed. You know, we use a steroid
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: to cover our eczema because we don't want the world
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: to see it. And now I'm just head to toe
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: like a tomato. So yeah, it was really hard to
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: kind of make that decision of not only am I
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: going to document it, but I'm going to share it.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: And God, I can only imagine that this like severely
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: affects relationships in your life.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I wasn't social anymore.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Couldn't function, you know, very gregarious person used to be
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: out and about. I was kind of stuck at home.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: More so because I was like a zoo animal. So
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: it was really hard just being out in the world.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: And then when it came to my partner, intimacy was
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: completely off the table.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Of course.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: And we were so affectionate. And to go from that
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: to nothing was really difficult.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: So, I mean, this sounds like a truly, truly hellish time.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: How were you able to get support?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, I can say I feel very lucky in
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: the sense that my family They believed in what I
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: was going through because when I went to a dermatologist nearby,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: they did not have any words on... Redskin syndrome, topical
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: steroid withdrawal. This is back in 2015 when this was
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: barely spoken about. So looking back on it, I can
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: understand then maybe the pushback of it, but there was
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: just no sympathy towards it. So I just really had
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: my partner at the time. I had my family who
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: didn't live near me. My mother would drive up sometimes.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: And then I had a friend or two that would
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: visit every so often, which is kind of, Yeah. Yeah.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: How did that eventually lead to the idea for your documentary?
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I just kept hearing that this is rare and that
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: people are being told they're one-offs. And a part of
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: me was getting very annoyed with this narrative happening. And
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: so I remember being on a call one day and
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: I remember just throwing it out there going, what would
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: happen if a documentary was made where multiple stories were
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: brought together?
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: And of course, they were like, yeah, that'd be fabulous.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: That'd be great. And then when parts of my life
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: after about a year started to fall apart, I started
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: to cling on to the documentary and the process of
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: making it as a lifeline for myself.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Only in as many details as you're comfortable sharing. What
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: do you mean when you say your life started to
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: fall apart?
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I had already lost my job. So my career was
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: basically in the trash.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: You were no longer dancing.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: No longer dancing. I could barely move. And no one
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: could tell me when this was going to be over.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: And I had hoped by a year I'd be better,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: and I was nowhere near better. And it started to
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: wreak havoc on my marriage. Within that two years of
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: us being married and me starting this journey through withdrawal,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: we ended up getting divorced. And I had lost what
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: I felt was my path, my identity, my independence. I
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: was living with my mother in her guest room. I'm
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: having her cook and stuff for me. It was so
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: life altering. And the only thing I could think of
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: doing was putting every single ounce of energy into this film.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Now, what happened after you released the film?
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I had an in, like there's a flood of messages,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: but I will never forget the one that completely threw me,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: which was the National Eczema Association president wrote me an
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: email and she was like, the Eczema Association would like
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: to endorse it.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: It's incredible.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: That blew my mind. That blew my mind because of
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: the work that I had put into wanting to ensure
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: that That anything I put into that documentary was backed
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: by evidence, was backed by science, research, to have patient
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: voices as well as like championing dermatology voices.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: That's so cool. Congratulations on that. I mean, that truly
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: deserves like real acknowledgement of how cool it is that
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: you were able to turn this into something new. that
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: is acknowledged by like the head of this huge organization
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: and is a healing balm for people. That's really cool.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: So how are you managing your health then? And how
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: did you kind of manage your health for the next
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: few years?
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Still unwell. I was a bit better, but I was
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: still very much trying to figure out now, what do
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: I do about my health? How do I move forward?
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: How do I integrate myself back into the world and
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: those kind of things? So after that, I really tried
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: to just get back into what I considered normal life.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: And I was a dance and theater teacher by that time.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: You were healthy enough to be able to do that.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I say healthy enough. It was a challenge.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, I would wake up some days with like
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: things stuck to my face and I just had to
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: like get on with it. I remember I tried stem
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: cell therapy. Like I really had an injection. I paid
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: thousands of dollars for that. I tried traditional Chinese medicine
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: for about five to six months, but then it was
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: eating away at my bank account. I tried a few
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: different naturopaths and registered nutritionists. So by the time 2022 hit,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I was in a real state of like... I think
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: I was almost seven years into this withdrawal process. And
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I think I was just mentally... done. I was having
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: a really, really hard time just continuing to push through,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: trying to use alternative methods that I finally took a
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: risk on myself. I quit my job. It was just
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: taking way too much of my energy that I think
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: I needed to put back into my health. And I
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: decided to go on a biologic drug, which changed my
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: life for a year. And within that year, I applied
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: for film school here in Scotland, and I began shooting
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: my second documentary on this.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: So considering your journey with steroids, it must have been
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: a little spooky to go back to a medication. How
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: did that feel?
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, in all honesty, not only did it feel
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: scary because I wasn't sure if it would help or not,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: but back then, and it's very much a changed mindset
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: from then to now, was I felt this responsibility to
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: the community to not go back on a drug. And
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I kind of realized you live your life for you.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: You got to do what you need to do. And
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: it's no one else's business how you're going to deal
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: or manage your health, especially if you're Sanity is tanking.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Um, so I, I was nervous about it for that
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: multitude of reasons. Um, but I, I weighed the cost,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: you know, and the benefit of it and the benefit
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: just outweighed for me. Cause I was like, my body
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: needs a break.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: Like the way it.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Is, I am functioning now cannot be healthy.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: So why not just try this? Cause I can always
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: stop taking it if I, if I needed. Right.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: So you've been through this whole journey with eczema. Where
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: is your eczema today and how is it affecting your life?
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Right now, I'm in a very good place. I'm on
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: an immunosuppressive drug. I'm able to go out, live life,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: eat certain foods, be out in environments that might have
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: triggered my skin beforehand. I love to be active. I'm
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: in the gym. I'm running. I will be starting a
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: PhD next year.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: Whoa.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: On like topical steroid withdrawal and the psychosocial burden of it.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: So it's really nice to like keep going.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: In this journey.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: Of course. Brianna, that's so cool.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I'm dating again. And I find my skin does... Does
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: tell me who I can and can't date. This isn't
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: going to sound crazy, but I'm allergic to certain people.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: If I end up kissing someone, my body will tell
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: me if it likes it or not.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: Oh my God.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: It's almost, that sounds so helpful to me because I
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: think we're all like somewhat allergic to some people. And
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: this feels like your body being like, no, no, we're
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: going to make it clear.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it could be a tiny swollen eye with some
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: swollen lips. Or it could be two swollen eyes, swollen neck, rash. Yeah,
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: it's really wild.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: You literally get allergic reactions to people.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: My body will talk. She will tell me. She will
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: tell me.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God. The body really does keep the score.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: So what does healing mean for you now?
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I think it has a lot to do with accepting
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: that power. of how we are going to respond to
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: the things that happen to us. And so healing is
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: a verb. And so I think for me, it's just
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: finding that headspace of like, okay, not everything that happens
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: to me is in my control, but I have control
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: over how I'm going to respond to it. And accepting
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: where that is doesn't mean I have to tolerate it,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: but I think healing has to do with accepting where
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: you are and and creating a space for yourself to
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: respond to it in a way that feels grounded in
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: a way that feels right for you whether that's expressing
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: needs having boundaries those kinds of things i love.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: That and that is such a perfect note to end
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: on um brianna thanks so much for hanging out with
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: me today it was such a pleasure to talk to you.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: No you've been wonderful oh thanks.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for being with us for Brianna's
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: story and for joining us throughout this whole season of
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Skin Queries. We've heard a lot about what can change
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: when an experience is finally given the attention, language, and
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: understanding it deserves. That understanding may not make healing straightforward,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: but it can help us make choices that feel right
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: for where we are now. So until we meet again,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: may we trust what our bodies are telling us, advocate
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: for what we need, and give ourselves the grace to
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: heal in whatever direction healing takes us. Skin Queries is
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: a production of Ruby Studio from iHeartMedia. Our producer is
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Reem El-Meghabi, project lead is Maria St. Abung, and sound
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: designer is Sam Seguet. I'm Dylan Maron. We will see
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: you next time.