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Dolly, Bridleless & Going Completely Off the Rails · Shut Up and Ride

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Simon, have you heard of British Eventing's new initiative Be Prepared?
• 0:04
  Speaker B: Yes Jenny, I have. It's a free program from British Eventing designed to help riders learn, connect and grow in the sport.
• 0:11
  Speaker A: So whether you're a member or not, Be Prepared supports grassroots riders with the knowledge, skills and confidence to enjoy eventing at every stage. As a former competitor myself, I know how valuable good preparation can be.
• 0:26
  Speaker B: Through the free learning hub, you can access bite sized videos, expert advice and practical checklists when, whenever it suits you.
• 0:33
  Speaker A: Plus there will be some in person camps bringing learning to life with coaching workshops and Q and A sessions from industry professionals.
• 0:42
  Speaker B: From preparation and planning to mindset, fitness and competition, know how it's all about practical learning that works because as we
• 0:50
  Speaker A: know Simon, being prepared and preparation really
• 0:53
  Speaker B: does build confidence and confident riders make better decisions.
• 0:56
  Speaker A: So get Be Prepared today with British Eventing and head over to their website britisheventing.com. Welcome back to the Shut up and Ride podcast. Another day has dawned and another podcast recording. Before you listen to this though, I want to ask you lot of favorite now some of you listen to this and you don't follow us. Whether you're on Spotify, whatever podcast you listen to Apple, I don't care where. But you need to follow the either like subscribe, follow button. Whatever your podcast does, do us a favor because we get those numbers up, we can get better guests on and then go and share us on social media. It takes two seconds and if you haven't done it, why not? Also remember we are sponsored by the amazing, the wonderful Charles Owens. So do go and follow them on socials as well. And even better, keep your head protected and buy a hat from them and a body protector. Do these things. People, we love them. They're the love people. So we can keep going and keep doing this. Ben and Simon are laughing at me because they, I'm. They, they know I'm not very good at this publishing stuff.
• 2:11
  Speaker B: Well, no, it's funny, it's funny because you're saying to our, our listeners what you say to us all the time. So, you know, I feel like we're all, we're all together now. I feel like there's a big group of us, right?
• 2:22
  Speaker A: Do some feel better fucking share the podcast, right?
• 2:25
  Speaker B: Oh yeah, she does that normally to us. She doesn't leave that to you guys.
• 2:29
  Speaker A: But we haven't got a guest because we've had guests for quite a while now. So we thought we'd get the band back together recording the difficult second album, Benji's here Simi's here. Apparently they've got quite annoyed. Lots to share. And Ben's put out a question on social media to ask your questions. So we've got a lot to fit in. Loads to fit in. How are you, boys?
• 2:46
  Speaker C: I'm good, but my back's fallen off.
• 2:48
  Speaker A: Oh, yeah?
• 2:49
  Speaker B: Yeah. What's actually happened with that?
• 2:51
  Speaker C: Yeah, well, I'm 33 this year, so I'm old.
• 2:54
  Speaker B: Oh, my God, you're so old.
• 2:56
  Speaker C: Yeah, I'm dying.
• 2:57
  Speaker A: Then just quite simply, fuck off. I have no way of a way of putting this apart from all the fucks and offs. I am 40 fucking 5. I, in a few months will be closer to 50 than I am.
• 3:09
  Speaker B: Yeah, Jenna, you're not. You're not 45, are you?
• 3:12
  Speaker A: I'm gonna fuck off you as well. So quite frankly. Sorry.
• 3:16
  Speaker C: Behind you.
• 3:19
  Speaker A: So you can just have all the fucks and offs, you 30 ass. Anyway, how's your back, AJ?
• 3:26
  Speaker C: Yeah. Can I just caveat that for someone who does stupid stuff, I am getting older. I know I've got more time, but I'm feeling very sad and very old. I was moving a carriage and it's a big car thing, and we'd parked it in front of a gate that I needed to get through and I thought, oh, I'll just start getting ready to move it. So then when everyone arrives at work, we'll all move it together. And I. I bent down to lower the shafts to the floor and my back just went which bit lower? Right hand side, to the point where I had to crawl from the arena into our tea room, like, crawl on my hands and knees. I couldn't stand up and George had gone for a walk with Wild and I had to wait in the tea room till I heard George come back to help her get me back into the house. I was like. Could not move yesterday, was in agony. But I've been to see someone today and they've like poked me and prodded me and they told me that I'm hurt but not injured.
• 4:27
  Speaker A: So basically get dry needles in it. My physiostabs me needles is absolute agony. But it works.
• 4:34
  Speaker C: What, acupuncture?
• 4:37
  Speaker A: No, they stick needles into the muscle and it basically disperses. The whatever the holding on thing is, it's absolute agony. But my God, it's the best thing. It works.
• 4:47
  Speaker B: So what's the difference between that and acupuncture then?
• 4:49
  Speaker A: You would have to ask a professional that, but it is very different. Acupuncture I've had and it doesn't hurt, whereas this they actually stick it into the needle and it's like. You know when they're trying to, like, push out a knot in your muscle? It's basically. They just stick the needle in it and it.
• 5:03
  Speaker B: They're doing that with a needle.
• 5:04
  Speaker A: Yeah. And you feel the muscle go absolutely mental and then it starts.
• 5:08
  Speaker B: That sounds horrific.
• 5:09
  Speaker A: Well, Gregor won't do it because it's too painful. Because I get it done at least once a week just to get all the.
• 5:14
  Speaker B: He's such a lad. Such a lad.
• 5:16
  Speaker A: Such a lad. I mean, he's in my bad books at the moment, so he's been a twat.
• 5:21
  Speaker C: Is that unusual?
• 5:25
  Speaker A: Yeah. We won't go there. He'll listen to this. Feel bad. We had an episode.
• 5:32
  Speaker B: Anyway, you sent us a very cool video of him dancing in the pool while he was cleaning the pool for you. I thought that was very, very entertaining.
• 5:40
  Speaker A: Well, he wasn't cleaning the pool, he was dancing in it because he'd been in with the kids making a whirlpool. We don't have an actual pool. It's like an overground, giant paddling pool, ladies and gentlemen.
• 5:50
  Speaker B: I thought he had a pool net.
• 5:52
  Speaker A: He did have a pool net, but he was collecting up the kids, like, Pokemon toys.
• 5:55
  Speaker C: Does he have, like, little sequin Speedo pool boy outfit?
• 6:00
  Speaker A: But you might.
• 6:00
  Speaker C: I should get him one, shouldn't I, when he does. You should.
• 6:03
  Speaker A: Yeah. He was singing Peter Andre. It was really bad.
• 6:09
  Speaker C: I don't think I've particularly ever thought of Peter Andre as, like, a straight icon, to be honest.
• 6:13
  Speaker A: I don't know. Let's ask the expert. But Simon, is he. I used to think he was pretty hot.
• 6:20
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 6:21
  Speaker A: I don't.
• 6:22
  Speaker B: Yeah, he would be more of a gay icon than an icon, wouldn't he?
• 6:25
  Speaker A: But I don't know. I used to love him when I was.
• 6:27
  Speaker C: Who's. Am I thinking of the right person? Never.
• 6:29
  Speaker B: Never.
• 6:30
  Speaker A: Oh, mysterious girl, Mysterious girl I want
• 6:35
  Speaker B: to get close to you. I'm really sorry. Sorry to completely interrupt, but because we're singing Dolly Parton, literally, it's just. Honestly, it's just terrible. I'm so upset about it.
• 6:47
  Speaker A: I mean, I know it's an icon, isn't she?
• 6:50
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, massively. And just the kindest soul and it's just so sad. So sad.
• 6:58
  Speaker C: We actually get. We signed up to a thing when Wilde was born where Dolly Parton sends books to children around the world.
• 7:07
  Speaker A: Yes.
• 7:07
  Speaker B: I've seen this and it looks amazing. I've seen some really cool stuff.
• 7:11
  Speaker A: So we don't know about this yeah.
• 7:13
  Speaker C: So you just basically put your address in and we just get children's books for free.
• 7:19
  Speaker B: And she. And she pays for all of it.
• 7:21
  Speaker C: Yeah, she pays all of it. Yeah. And like, that's how.
• 7:25
  Speaker B: That's why she's not a billionaire, because she's. She's put all this money into, like, child education. And like, she's just unbelievable. Unbelievable woman.
• 7:34
  Speaker A: She. Her quotes are always just so amazing. Like, everyone's now sharing them, but half of them, I was like, oh, God, Covid, this making me cry. Because she just for some. Do you think. Because she was obviously, I don't know, like, behind this blonde, like, exterior, incredibly wise as well. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's one of those. Definitely don't judge a book by its cover. Cause you see the tits and teeth. But behind it, she was obviously just so kind.
• 8:03
  Speaker B: Yeah, she's super special. I think my favorite quote is when she says, I paid a lot of money to look this cheap.
• 8:11
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 8:13
  Speaker B: I think that's one of my favorites.
• 8:14
  Speaker A: So clever.
• 8:16
  Speaker B: Yeah, just. Yeah, super clever. Very clever.
• 8:18
  Speaker A: She almost got the haters before they hated on her.
• 8:21
  Speaker B: Yeah. And also since where she's being interviewed and she's being asked her opinion on somebody else, and they're basically kind of egging her on to slag someone off. And she literally just stops them in their chat. She's like. She's like, that is not my job. That's not my role. I'm not here to talk about other people. I am, you know, I'm not going to basically, I'm not going to slag anyone off. And good honor, like, good on her.
• 8:42
  Speaker A: I think maybe this podcast could learn a thing or two about that.
• 8:45
  Speaker C: I was gonna say. Oh, she'd have made a crack. Quad podcast. Podcast. Like, no, come on, spill the tea.
• 8:51
  Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
• 8:52
  Speaker A: Did you see? We've only been recording seven minutes. I've already slagged off my husband as
• 8:56
  Speaker C: well as Dolly Parton. Did you see that Tim Curry died as well?
• 9:00
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 9:03
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 9:04
  Speaker B: Did you not know that?
• 9:05
  Speaker A: I didn't know that.
• 9:09
  Speaker C: The 25th.
• 9:11
  Speaker B: Oh, same age as Dolly.
• 9:14
  Speaker A: Wow. I didn't know that one. People die. It's hard.
• 9:18
  Speaker C: That's a pair to arrive in the afterlife together, isn't it?
• 9:23
  Speaker B: Isn't it, Jess? God, they'll have such a laugh up there when they.
• 9:27
  Speaker C: Things just got locked camper up there, didn't they? Like, it's gonna be full on. I absolutely love Tim Curry. The first time I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show, I think it actually blew my mind. It's just the best thing.
• 9:41
  Speaker B: Absolutely mental. Totally mental.
• 9:44
  Speaker A: I'd like to say we'll find out what it's like one day up there with Dolly and Tim, but I think all of us will be burning in the fires of hell and jazzing it up out there. I think our chances of getting up there are totally screwed. Or not. Simon Oakes, he's the nicest man in eventing.
• 9:59
  Speaker C: I think we'll all be fine. I think we'll all be there. Yeah.
• 10:03
  Speaker A: Just knocking on the door, listen. Sounds like fun in there. All right, then. If you could. I love that question. Who would you sit down and have dinner with? Not dead or alive. Like, if you could go up to heaven and have a party with someone who's up there, who would it be?
• 10:21
  Speaker B: Only because it's, like, fresh in my mind, is Dolly.
• 10:23
  Speaker A: It would be Dolly, yeah.
• 10:26
  Speaker B: Legend.
• 10:26
  Speaker C: Who would you be, Jenny?
• 10:30
  Speaker A: I don't know. I'd quite like to have tea with Liz. Queen Elizabeth.
• 10:33
  Speaker B: Just think she's alleged Big Liz.
• 10:36
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 10:36
  Speaker A: I'd like to sit down with her and be like, right, now you're dead and no one. Like, with no.
• 10:42
  Speaker B: What do you actually really think?
• 10:44
  Speaker A: What really fucking happened in the 80s? What was the shit with Di? Like, what really went down behind the scenes? What do you actually think of Andrew as your son? All these things.
• 10:56
  Speaker B: That must be such a hard one, because, like, she obviously would. She obviously loved him. But then he was so. He's been so awful, hasn't he? Like, how do you love that? But obviously she probably still does. It's like. It's like murderers, isn't it? Like, their mothers generally still really love them, don't they?
• 11:15
  Speaker A: Wow.
• 11:15
  Speaker B: This trick.
• 11:16
  Speaker A: Learn quickly.
• 11:17
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 11:17
  Speaker C: God.
• 11:18
  Speaker B: And we're not talking about horses at all.
• 11:20
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 11:21
  Speaker C: It's a question podcast.
• 11:22
  Speaker A: Who would you like to meet in heaven?
• 11:25
  Speaker C: Mine's obvious. Like, we don't talk about this, but I am a bit of a religious nut. If I'm going to heaven, I'm talking to Jesus. 100%.
• 11:32
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's cool. Like, what actually happened, Jesus.
• 11:36
  Speaker C: Not just all of it. Do you know, to Jesus or the disciples? Do you know, like, Judas.
• 11:43
  Speaker B: I'd love to speak to him.
• 11:45
  Speaker C: The Jesus. Yeah. Don't even get me started, Stone.
• 11:49
  Speaker B: I'll be like, judas, Judas. Did they throw you under the bus? I reckon they did.
• 11:53
  Speaker C: That's a massive question, isn't it? It's like the Divine Plan and all of that. And, oh, the dedication of Judas's suicide because God pushed the branch down when he hung Himself so that he wouldn't hang. But then Judas lifted his feet, like all of that. So it's. Yeah, you don't know. But come on, you got to speak to the big man himself if you're going up there.
• 12:10
  Speaker B: That is true.
• 12:11
  Speaker C: Too many questions.
• 12:13
  Speaker A: That. That is a long conversation and it
• 12:16
  Speaker B: would be a very long queue.
• 12:17
  Speaker A: But also the good thing is he'd be able to supply the wine so you could have a drink with him. Why do you not speak on your socials about your religion, if you don't mind me asking? Because you have social media.
• 12:31
  Speaker B: Does it have a place on. Does it have a place on your socials? It doesn't really, does it?
• 12:35
  Speaker C: Well, this is it. It would feel forced, I think. Like, I was. Like, it comes about naturally sometimes. Like, I posted a video the other day and the music I put in it was one of my favorite sort of like modern worship songs and stuff. And I'll talk about it to anybody. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm proud of it. I'm also not as educated as I should be.
• 12:55
  Speaker A: You are so educated. I remember when I first had a chat to you about religion, because I'm. I'm not religious. I don't. But you, like, have a way of describing. If I said something to you, oh, well, surely God doesn't like, obviously people being gay.
• 13:13
  Speaker C: You.
• 13:14
  Speaker A: You know the answer to that. You know the bit of the Bible where it says it's okay and like, you do. You are very well read and you speak from a place of real knowledge. I think.
• 13:24
  Speaker C: I don't know. There's people that know so much more than I know on it, I think. I don't want to feel like I'm trying to force it down someone's throw about it. I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable. Like, for example, like the. The gay thing. I think people blow that up to be something more than it is, really. They're taking certain bits of scripture and twisting it more because there's so many things that we all do that are, you know, like definitely worse sins, if you like. And then the point is that the debt of sin is paid in blood with the crucifixion. And so from my understanding, if, like, you have to really not want to meet God or go to heaven to not get it within reason, but then that's balanced up against parts of scripture that say, you know, like, it's easier for to put a camel through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into Heaven. And so I see it more as faith and as. Like, I think I love my religion so much because even if you don't know what to do, if you can kind of follow the correct teachings of the New Testament and stuff, you'll probably be a good person. Like, forgive me.
• 14:41
  Speaker B: That's why I like it. That's what I like about it. I think it teaches you to be a good person.
• 14:48
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 14:49
  Speaker B: As a general rule, like, there's the odd thing that's a bit like, okay, that's a bit dodge. But it teaches you to be a good person. And I. That's the most important thing in life is to try and be a good person and be good to everybody else.
• 15:00
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 15:00
  Speaker A: And I think. And that's.
• 15:01
  Speaker C: And that's where I think people get certain things wrong. Like, because you might say, like, oh, this person's a religious figure, like a bishop or something. And they've caught being caught for these terrible crimes. But like, when Jesus was alive, he was forever being like the Pharisees who were meant to be like the religious leaders. He's like, you're doing everything wrong. And all these people who are saying, like, you're saying are terrible. Getting it, like being better people than you are. So I think it's, it's, it's such a difficult thing. I don't know. I love it. It keeps me on the straight and narrow. Does it like.
• 15:36
  Speaker A: Does.
• 15:38
  Speaker B: Definitely does.
• 15:39
  Speaker C: It definitely does. But yeah, I don't know. And it's all very serious, Jenny. That's probably why I don't bring it up on my socials. I, I said that I want. I said that I wanted to meet Jesus, to be my person. I'd talk to if there's anybody I could talk to. And then we talked about religion and now everyone's gone quiet.
• 15:57
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 15:57
  Speaker B: Well. Well, talking of that, I would really like to meet my grandfather. That's who I'd like to meet. Never met him. And. And apparently he was really awesome and really cool. Mum says he was amazing. And, and he was very much like me, apparently, because I'm so amazing, according to my mother. And so I would really like to meet him. I think that'd be really cool.
• 16:19
  Speaker C: Do you know what did he do?
• 16:22
  Speaker A: What did he do for a living?
• 16:25
  Speaker B: So my family were potters and they had a big factory in Stoke on Trent called Crown Devon. And if you see anything like in an antique shop or in somebody's living room that looks a little bit wacky and slightly wacky colors or anything like that, that's probably Crown Devon.
• 16:46
  Speaker A: Oh, that's cool.
• 16:48
  Speaker B: It was actually a really cool company. Really cool. And they did, they did brilliantly. But then as far as I'm aware, the factory burnt down. Like it was really successful for my great grandfather. Great great grandfather. My great great great grandfather. And then when my grandfather was doing it, it burnt down and which is a bit of a occupation hazard I suppose, with doing that kind of thing. And then they had it rebuilt and then almost as soon as they'd had it rebuilt, it then burnt down again.
• 17:15
  Speaker C: Wow.
• 17:15
  Speaker B: And then there was like. And there was some sort of insurance issue, I think, I can't remember. But so yeah, but yeah, that's what he did and he was really good at it and. And apparently he was really brilliant with all his staff and all his staff loved him and thought he was a great, great guy and yeah. So I'd really like to have met him.
• 17:32
  Speaker A: Ah, welcome to the Shut up and Ride podcast where we talk about pottery, politics, religion and how to trace your family.
• 17:45
  Speaker C: Sorry.
• 17:46
  Speaker A: No, I love it. Right, let's talk about horses. So World Equestrian Championships opening ceremony. Bit of bam.
• 17:56
  Speaker B: Wasn't that amazing how lady the bridalist lady.
• 17:59
  Speaker A: Yeah. So if you go back and watch it, just search Archen. A horse without a bridle, I'm sure it'll come up. She canted through like a hoop to jump thing pulled off a sheet, had no bridle. It was fucking cool.
• 18:12
  Speaker B: I think the horse looked so chilled. Ears pricked looked pretty cool.
• 18:17
  Speaker A: Is this a sign of slightly changing times? Go boys. Oh for fuck's sake.
• 18:25
  Speaker C: Not in the opening ceremony.
• 18:28
  Speaker B: Not in the opening ceremony.
• 18:29
  Speaker C: So where if they'd let someone demonstrate what the show jumping course was going to be non competitively but bridal less, I would see that as a nod towards a changing times.
• 18:45
  Speaker B: Is anybody jumping that big but bridal less? How big is that big at 160 meter 60 pass.
• 18:53
  Speaker A: That course is ridiculous.
• 18:55
  Speaker C: But what I'm saying is I had mates there who were standing on horses in the opening ceremony.
• 19:02
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 19:04
  Speaker C: But the FEI aren't about to bring out Roman riding in competition. So I think it could be a tip of the hat possibly towards the necro stuff.
• 19:13
  Speaker B: Yeah, I think you're probably right. But it's not really. It's not a sign of changing times. It's not like everyone was going, oh my God, we should do that at the World Equestrian Games. It's like, oh wow, that's really cool. Anyway, onto the dressage or whatever and
• 19:25
  Speaker C: she grabbed that giant gold thing which was super cool. But what I mean is like it was very much a performance, wasn't it? And we've been performing without bridals for years.
• 19:34
  Speaker A: A long time.
• 19:36
  Speaker C: We'd be. Yeah. Hate to be the naysayer.
• 19:39
  Speaker A: Well, no, because everyone on social media has kind of grabbed it. I've seen quite a lot of posts for the limited amount of time I spend on social media. Sorry. Of people saying things are changing. Bridal lists at Arken. So do you think that's been a
• 19:53
  Speaker B: little bit slightly over exaggerated?
• 19:57
  Speaker A: Yeah, that is a genuine question. Because I loved it. I thought it was amazing and I liked the traction that it got and it highlighted a lot of things. But like you said.
• 20:05
  Speaker B: But do you think that. Do you think that everybody that was there and that was watching it on whatever it was on, do you think they all were like, oh, this is so brilliant, we should be doing all disciplines like this? I don't think they probably were.
• 20:16
  Speaker A: No. And I don't think that is what people were hoping for. But I think it is a, A little nod to the fact that it. Things can be done without a bridal or just like the training.
• 20:28
  Speaker B: Sorry, yeah, sorry. It's only because you said at the beginning, like, do you think that our thing is changing? Are the. Yeah. And no, no, I. Not at the minute.
• 20:38
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 20:39
  Speaker B: But like you say, it's a. It's a proper nod of the head. Well, on guys, you're doing a great job, Benjamin. Yeah.
• 20:46
  Speaker C: And I think if we're going to see bridal us become bigger and bigger competitively, I think people almost need to become a bit numb to it. Not to be like, oh, that's a really big deal. Like you need to just sort of see it constantly. Oh, cool. That's another way. Like it wasn't long ago that bitless was like a big thing, whereas now it just sort of floats under the radar. No one really cares that you ride bitless. Good for you.
• 21:11
  Speaker A: What I would like to see from it. This might be a bit controversial, I don't know because obviously I commentate on so much show jumping and I follow so jumping and I really watch it. For me it's not about suddenly seeing loads of bridal competitions. If that's what people want to do, great. You want to compete with a bridle, you want to compete without one, whatever. As long as your horse is happy. I'm really like, that's all that I care. If your horse enjoys jumping, then let it jump. If your horse doesn't enjoy jumping, doesn't Matter if you've got a bridle saddle or with or without. If it doesn't enjoy it, it shouldn't be having to jump. But what my thing is is hopefully the riders that just fix problems by sticking giant bits of kit in their mouths. Don't get me wrong, not all riders obviously, but the ones who make the quick fixes and over bit and just all of these things. I just want those kind of things to be like, oh, maybe we could put a bit more training in or the learn from someone like Ben or do a bit more before we go to these horrible gadgets that just don't look nice and can't be comfortable. That's what I would like to see more of. That kind of, oh, maybe there is a way to do this better.
• 22:26
  Speaker B: Oh, you're both thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that that's something that is quite hard to implement because we've got, we have still got some old fashioned folk.
• 22:36
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 22:37
  Speaker C: And we can't pretend that people like me that mess around Bridalists know more about show jumping than the people who are Arkham. So it becomes quite a.
• 22:46
  Speaker A: No, I'm not saying you know more about show jumping, but fundamentals, training of a horse are fundamentals. You know what I mean? Like those, like, is there a way of kind of taking a step back in your training before putting another massive bit of gadget kit on it?
• 23:01
  Speaker C: I stand, I stand by that. This, this happens at Pony Club.
• 23:06
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 23:06
  Speaker C: You've got to indoctrinate children into that mindset. So then the next generation of adults naturally think about doing everything they can before increasing leverage, pressure and stuff.
• 23:20
  Speaker A: I just don't think kids should be allowed spurs and should be like, they should. I dunno, I just think there's so much. Now. I wouldn't let any kids ride with spurs or anything when I was teaching them, like little kids, because you see them coming in with like kitted up to the eyeballs, big whips. I said to a kid the other day that I was teaching, I went down and my daughter was having a ride and the pony, she was borrowing it off the lovely girl that she was riding at first and she went, can I have a whip? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the horse pony wasn't going forwards and she already had spurs on. And I just said to her, why are you picking up a whip? She was like, I want him to go more forwards. And I was like, sit on your hands. And so she sat on her hands and I was like, how does that Feel. She was like, oh, it's okay. And I said, now sit up a bit taller. And she was like, okay. And I said, now sit up even more taller. How does that feel on your hands? And she was like, oh, that feels quite nice. I said, before you start asking your horse to go forwards from a whip, make sure your body isn't blocking the pony first. You haven't changed anything about you before you started using, before you're picking up the whip, I said. She said she was slouching and she wasn't sitting lightly. And I was like, your body is stopping this pony from going forwards. Change yourself before you go to the whip. And she was like, oh, I hadn't thought about it like that. And I said, have a canter in a light seat. Why'd you go in a light seat? To make myself lighter. Suddenly you've lost weight when you go in a light seat. No, she was like, I'd never thought about it before. I was just like, kids need to learn to think why they're doing something before they do it. But they go straight to a stick or straight to spurs and it's like, no, sort yourself out first, then ask the pony to go forwards. Sorry, I went on a rant.
• 24:53
  Speaker B: Very good, Jenny. I like that.
• 24:55
  Speaker A: Do you like it? Oh, thanks, Simon.
• 24:57
  Speaker B: I didn't know you were looking at very much. That is very good. And it's something that I. I will take on board myself.
• 25:03
  Speaker A: Ah, but I just think kids like you say, Ben, it starts at that age. And I just think you can't ask a question of a horse unless you know the answer yourself. So if you don't know why you're picking up the stick or you've done your utmost to get out your horse's way and you're doing your best.
• 25:18
  Speaker B: Well, you say that. You say that you still want to be able to, like, test things out, try different things, don't you? Like, oh, yeah. No one knows all the answers, do they? We've got to try different things.
• 25:29
  Speaker A: You are someone like, you're teaching. Why do we do leg yields? I don't know. Or why do. Why you? Why are you doing that? So say they're asking for something and you go, why are you doing that? Unless they can give you the answer of why they're doing it. If they don't know the answer, how can they explain it properly to the horse?
• 25:50
  Speaker B: Good point.
• 25:51
  Speaker C: Fully agree.
• 25:51
  Speaker A: And I find that quite a lot when I'm teaching. If I just say, oh, why did you do that there in that Corner. Oh, just because I thought I should.
• 25:59
  Speaker C: Well, but do you think some of that comes from how people are trained? In that maybe an instructor doesn't go into full depth because at the time they just need the person to do it because that's what the horse needs and they don't get around to explaining it later always.
• 26:21
  Speaker A: Or also, people only listen on average to 10% of what you're teaching them. So that's why as a trainer you can. Don't be scared to go back. So if you've taught something the week before, you as a trainer should go back over it because they will have only listened to 10%. So even the best trainers in the world could have shared all this information. But the rider, especially when you're on a horse and you're focusing on not dying or you're nervous or you're whatever.
• 26:46
  Speaker B: That does depend a bit on the person though, doesn't it? As well?
• 26:48
  Speaker A: Yeah. So again, you might have explained it perfectly brilliantly, but they just haven't taken it all in. And actually sometimes the real basics, even as an instructor, it's okay to just teach the basics and do them better and not think you have to wow your clients with amazing bits of all your knowledge. Don't share all your knowledge at once. Sometimes the basics is. Because I think we don't think about that from a coaching perspective. We think about it from a people having lessons perspective, from a rider's perspective, wanting to be the best and learn it all and da la la. But I think it's the same as a coach. A good coach wants their pupils to do amazing and come out and have learned and blah, blah, blah. But sometimes just going, do you know what? Break it down, keep it simple, ask lots of questions and let them learn. And 90% of the time, clients really enjoy it.
• 27:37
  Speaker C: Yeah, you've got to like, if I'm teaching, I try and pick out what is the most egregious issue, what's causing the horse the most grief. Right. Let's attack that first and then we can fix like, so say I was given a ridden lesson and someone's seats all over, legs are coming up, not in, but they're seesawing on the horse's mouth. The first thing I'm going to try and fix is the see sawing on the mouth because I can probably fix that. I can probably get the person to stop doing that in that lesson and that's going to make the biggest difference to the horse. And then after that we can start being like, okay, now you've not, you know, doing that.
• 28:22
  Speaker B: But then it depends though, doesn't it? Like, because if they're see sawing on the mouth and it's because they're not actually balanced enough in their seats, like, so you. Then you'd attack the. How they're sitting.
• 28:31
  Speaker C: So how do you start?
• 28:33
  Speaker A: But that's what I mean. So I would be teaching, going, I'm going to fix their leg, I'm going to fix their seat, I'm going to fix their hands, I'm going to fix everything. Rather than just going, right, let's work on that one thing that probably will help fix all of it.
• 28:46
  Speaker C: I liked it in the old days when you could get away with teaching stuff. The lessons I had as a kid, you could not give.
• 28:52
  Speaker A: Now take away stirrups, reins and hold on and pray to God.
• 28:56
  Speaker C: Attaching my wrists to the little D rings on the front of the saddle with flash straps.
• 29:01
  Speaker A: Attach your stirrups to your girth, tie
• 29:03
  Speaker C: your stirrups to your girth. Sticking a schooling whip behind your elbows at the back. All this stuff. You'd never get away with any of that now, would you?
• 29:11
  Speaker A: Oh, you can still put a crop behind their elbows. That's a great one.
• 29:16
  Speaker C: I should.
• 29:16
  Speaker B: I didn't do that more. You should do that.
• 29:20
  Speaker C: It's so weird though, isn't it? Because, like, I think it all. It's all in the dose of what you do. Hello, little squish in the. It's all in the dose of what you do. Because I've ridden bareback nearly every day of my life and it still took, like, that didn't mean that when I first started riding in, like, when I ride in tack, it's still a bit of a mess, you know, so it's such a weird thing, isn't it? Because that makes me laugh. I hear people say, like, oh, to improve your seat, you need to ride bareback. And I'm like, I can read bareback as good or better than anyone and my seat's still a bit random.
• 29:53
  Speaker B: Like,
• 29:56
  Speaker C: it's really. I don't know. I find teaching is one of the most unique things. Actually, that's where I'm coming to in this conversation. In the same way that every horse is unique and learns in a different way, I would say the same for people. And so I find I often, yeah, I need to teach someone for a little bit before I'm like, that's how you learn. You prefer a bit of tough love. You want me to pick one thing and make a really big deal out of it and give you lots of praise and that will open you up to learning something new. Do you know?
• 30:28
  Speaker B: Although, like, it's funny though, I find with my teaching, quite often you get somebody that's like, yeah, I need you to shout at me. I need. I need tough love. I need you to, you know, and actually spending some time with them, you're like, no, that is definitely not what you need. You don't. You don't need that, actually. You need, like, you need to just take it back a few steps and get confident, because that's what you're lacking. You don't need someone shouting at you, telling you how shit you are.
• 30:52
  Speaker C: Simon's like, I'm sorry, madam, I know. If you could please stop crying. You did ask for this type of lesson. I'm terribly sorry.
• 31:00
  Speaker A: No, this.
• 31:01
  Speaker C: This panic attack you're having is completely ruining your sitting trot. Pull yourself together.
• 31:08
  Speaker B: Stop me. Such a drip. Yes, yes, I'm sure that'll work.
• 31:12
  Speaker A: Have you ever shouted at someone like that?
• 31:16
  Speaker B: No, No. I did have a man that I was teaching and ages ago now. And he. I was like, right, okay, so let's do this. And then, like, we were doing a jumping lesson. I was like, so if you drop that and then turn to that, and then turn to that, whatever, and then he just would go off and just do, like, something completely different. I'm like, well, that's not actually what I'd said to do, but anyway. And then he. And then he'd talk, talk him talk through it and basically tell me what he'd done, right or wrong. And I was like, okay. And. But it just kept on going like that. And eventually it got to the point where I was like, I tell you what, you tell me what you want to do and I'll put the jumps up and down. And he's like, oh, oh, don't be like that. And I was like, no, no, I'm not being like anything. Like, we. Like, you never do what I actually say to do. And then you never listen to what I've got to say either. So I'll do the jumps for you. That's absolutely fine, but it's a bit of a waste of time. And I think I was probably a bit shirty with him, but. Yeah, and I never saw him again.
• 32:10
  Speaker C: I told a woman to fuck off in a lesson once and she cried.
• 32:14
  Speaker B: No, you didn't. Did you come back?
• 32:18
  Speaker C: No, I refused to teach her again. I was like, no, I'm not. I've also.
• 32:23
  Speaker A: This is such good Clippable pod content, by the way, I'm clipping that, taking it completely out of context and sticking it on social media.
• 32:32
  Speaker C: I told a woman to fuck off. She's a stupid bitch. No, she was delusional. And it really annoyed me.
• 32:38
  Speaker B: Deluded.
• 32:39
  Speaker A: She.
• 32:39
  Speaker B: Nothing worse.
• 32:41
  Speaker C: She. I probably shouldn't have said. She should. I should have said they, but they. Not for those too late. No, no, no, no, no. Like to try and be more confidential. The student told me what all of their goals were and made out that they were phenomenal.
• 32:58
  Speaker B: So I was like, well, she was to Lulu.
• 33:00
  Speaker C: So I was like, rock and roll. Let's go. I'm game for that. Started working the horse, and it's going disastrously, and she is kicking off to high heaven saying how unfair it is that it's going badly, and she's so embarrassed and all of this, but, like, in an angry way. And I was like, okay, stop, stop, stop. Let's just pause for a minute. Like, what do you do in your training? So she explained it, and I was like, how often do you train Liberty with this horse? And she's like, oh, maybe once or twice a month. And I just sat. I was like, oh, fuck off. I was like, no. I was like, you're wanting the Liberty version of work, which is like Lottie Fry on Glamourdale, and you're telling me you mess around with it once, maybe twice a month. No. Like, no, don't even. You. How dare you expect to be that good? Like, train it twice a month? Like, yeah. And she didn't like that, but I.
• 33:51
  Speaker B: Did you say that to her?
• 33:52
  Speaker C: Yeah, a hundred percent.
• 33:54
  Speaker B: Did you tell her she was a silly cow?
• 33:55
  Speaker C: No, I didn't say that. I did apologize immediately. It came out like, word vomit. The moment. The moment she was like, oh, maybe once or twice a month. I was like, oh, fuck off. Like, no. Oh, welcome to the real world. It just came out like. And I have, to my knowledge, twice had people come on clinics and after the first day, had a private word with them and being like, what's the point in this for me? Or you?
• 34:25
  Speaker A: Like, that's what happened to me when I tried baby yoga. They asked me to leave.
• 34:31
  Speaker C: No, you.
• 34:33
  Speaker B: Baby yoga?
• 34:34
  Speaker C: What's that?
• 34:34
  Speaker A: When you give birth, you try all these fucking classes and they're like, death. And I went and took James to baby yoga, and all these other babies are lying there really Zen. And he kept crying and wiggling because he just never sat still. And I called him a wanker and wasn't very Zen. And Was taken to one side at the end and said maybe baby yoga wasn't for me and that I should probably try something else.
• 34:56
  Speaker B: I'm not being funny, but how like baby yoga. Surely you're gonna get loads of babies crying.
• 35:02
  Speaker A: Yeah, apparently more babies are Zen than mine. Also, I got kicked out of Baby Sensory as well. I'm sure I've told you that before.
• 35:09
  Speaker B: No, actually, remind us.
• 35:11
  Speaker A: Well, the class, it was a trial class that my friend Lizzie dragged me along to, and it was next to a McDonald's in Swindon. So of course I went, it's fucking whatever time in the morning, and you've been kept up all night. Of course I'm going for a McDonald's drive through, which I carried in with said child. And as I walked in, the woman
• 35:27
  Speaker B: was like, did you have a McMuffin?
• 35:29
  Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No. All hash browns. So good.
• 35:32
  Speaker B: They're so good there. Hash brown.
• 35:34
  Speaker A: So good. I think I had about 10 of them. Anyway, the woman said to me, I'm sorry, you can't bring food in here. And I just said, well, that he's eating. And she was like, he's seven months old. I was like, so I'm dying here. I need food and I need coffee. And she was like, no, you can't eat. So I quickly shoved the food in and, like, had my coffee hidden, which I then kept having to hide from her every time she came near me. Um, and then, yeah, she kept telling me off and told me I had to leave. So I just took photos of all the things that James liked. Again, you're not allowed your phone out. I went on Amazon and bought them so he could do his own Baby Sensory at home. Anyway, sorry, back to the woman you hated.
• 36:12
  Speaker C: I. I know I've said this before, but it was advised to my father that Benjamin may enjoy other equestrian activities more, which was me getting kicked out of Pony Club.
• 36:20
  Speaker A: What makes the perfect client, then?
• 36:23
  Speaker C: Someone who wants to learn.
• 36:26
  Speaker A: Yeah, but lots of people want to learn.
• 36:28
  Speaker C: Ask me the opposite. Okay, Ask me the opposite question. What makes a bad client?
• 36:33
  Speaker A: Okay. Because I think lots of people want to learn, but some of them are quite nervous. I think being around horses does bring out a side in people that you have to have empathy for that they're not necessarily not wanting to learn. I think sometimes the fear can make people react in different ways because so many.
• 36:48
  Speaker B: Definitely so many clients.
• 36:52
  Speaker C: I'd agree with that. I really am determined to commit career suicide on this podcast, aren't they?
• 36:59
  Speaker A: Okay, so what makes a bad client?
• 37:01
  Speaker C: Someone who just wants to be told that what they're doing is brilliant. Whether it is or not.
• 37:06
  Speaker A: I think also blaming the horse.
• 37:08
  Speaker B: Yeah, but do you think that. Because I've had people like that, but I don't think that they realize that.
• 37:15
  Speaker A: No, I agree.
• 37:16
  Speaker C: Some people don't, but they're not ready to learn. So why waste your time and theirs and their money?
• 37:23
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:25
  Speaker C: Like I mean that in a loving way. Just I. What are we doing?
• 37:30
  Speaker B: I mean in a loving way, you dick.
• 37:32
  Speaker C: Well, no, I just mean it's in like we're all grown ups. You're not seven with mum and dad standing over you and making you have your piano lessons. Like if you don't, you don't want to learn. That's cool. Or people that. Yeah, just.
• 37:48
  Speaker B: Oh, one of mine was when I, I was teaching somewhere and I said to this, I think I said this before said this guy said so. So is there anything that you want to cover today? Oh, I don't know. Mum just wanted me to come for a lesson and I, and I was like, right, that's great. So you don't actually want to be here. She was basically saying, I don't want to be here. I'm only here because my mother told me to. That I really hate, I find difficult. I don't hate it, I just find it difficult. I'm just like, well, there's no point you being here.
• 38:21
  Speaker A: I wouldn't go for a lesson with Simon Greave or Ben Atkinson. I've had a lesson with Simon Greave. I was shit because my horse was coming back from injury and I'm on anyone else's horse, I ride better.
• 38:30
  Speaker B: See, this is the other thing.
• 38:32
  Speaker C: You just send us excuses. Don't blame the horse.
• 38:35
  Speaker A: And straight away, because I'm always like, oh, I do a Susan. And I'm like, oh, I don't know if he should allow to canter and oh, I don't want to put pressure, oh, resume on someone else's horse. I'm fine. But I did an absolute Susan. I was like, oh, I just on
• 38:52
  Speaker C: that same sort of thing. Do you know what else makes me just want to scream?
• 38:55
  Speaker A: Oh, also it's finished. I just desperately didn't want Simon to think I was absolute shit. So then you absolutely ride absolute shit.
• 39:01
  Speaker C: Yeah, the. If someone brings a horse to me for training and they're like, I've never met the person on the horse and they're like, oh, I want to work on something really strenuous on the horse. You know what I mean? Like not saying that. Like, can you help me do pf? I get a lot of people asking for PF work because I trained now I train in hand and so we'll do a session and I'm like, yeah, that was good. At the end. I'm like, that horse did really well and really, like, rock and roll. Amazing.
• 39:26
  Speaker B: And they're like, yeah.
• 39:26
  Speaker C: And he did so well because he's got such bad arthritis in his back legs. And you're like,
• 39:32
  Speaker A: off.
• 39:33
  Speaker C: Like, why? What are we doing here? Like, why? Why did you allow this to happen? Why wasn't I told that at the start? I'm not condescending enough that if you bring a horse for a PF lesson, that I'm like, is the horse physically fit? Because I assume that you've got the mental capacity to have already decided that when it's going to learn mad stuff. But that I find.
• 39:56
  Speaker B: Yeah, that is frustrating. That's really frustrating.
• 40:00
  Speaker C: Just unfair on the horse. And then you feel that the person.
• 40:02
  Speaker B: And mean.
• 40:03
  Speaker C: Yeah. For having done what you've. What you've done. So, on that note, I love all of my students. You're all amazing.
• 40:12
  Speaker A: My favourite, though, and you obviously do loads of this. My favourite in the past was always teaching normally male actors because they normally come to you. Lots of them hadn't ride. I was taught, like, the Blue Peter team when they got two new Blue Peter presenters to ride. And they're normally young guys who are incredibly fit in more ways than one, up for a laugh, fearless. And because they've also already got, like, that kind of sporty physicality about them, it's just so much fun to teach. Like, it's just great. And they love the horses.
• 40:45
  Speaker B: Jenny was in her element.
• 40:47
  Speaker A: Two young men did a lot of teaching in a light seat so I could stare at bums.
• 40:52
  Speaker C: Young male actors turning up to the normal riding school after lessons with Jenny. Like, what do you mean? I thought you had to ride topless. Like, I thought that was the rules.
• 41:01
  Speaker A: It's essential.
• 41:02
  Speaker B: How old, how old were you at this point, Jenny?
• 41:04
  Speaker A: Mid-20s also.
• 41:06
  Speaker B: They thought you were fit too. Oh, God. It's just like, oh, did I go
• 41:10
  Speaker A: on a date and kiss. I've got a Blue Peter badge because I've kissed a Blue Peter presenter. That's how I got my.
• 41:15
  Speaker B: I bet you have. I bet you have. Filthy. She's such a. Go with that one. She's such a goer.
• 41:24
  Speaker A: That was good days. Happy days. That's why I met Peter Andre, because we taught him to ride for Good Morning TV now.
• 41:28
  Speaker C: I bet you did
• 41:33
  Speaker A: again. I tried the topless thing, but he was having none of it.
• 41:37
  Speaker C: My favorite one, my favorite Jenny trying to hit on someone is the. Is Carl Hester. I think that is the funniest.
• 41:43
  Speaker A: I'm so sad, Tashi.
• 41:45
  Speaker C: You're so sad.
• 41:46
  Speaker A: One day I will turn him straight. It will hurt. And I will ditch Gregor like that.
• 41:52
  Speaker C: You're ditching Pooh Gregor? He's in the firing line today. I don't know why my brain's thought of this, but as we're still talking about like teaching people and stuff. The other thing that I always remember from when I used to be a show jumper when I was a kid and the parents were like, a pony would go really long, like a big spread, and the pony would clatter through it. Kid and pony would go down and at no point is the parent like, are you okay? They're screaming at the child from the side like, you rode that like shit. And the kids screaming back. It's like, oh, just the chaos. Is it still like that out there or have things calmed down a bit?
• 42:38
  Speaker B: I think it's calmed down since then. I remember being show jumping and there's this guy who had his daughters that went show jumping and they'd be in the warmup and they'd jump a practice jump and he'd be doing fences with them and they'd jump a fence and he'd be like, what the fuck? And then it be like, you're all right, Simon. And then it'd be like, stop riding like a fucking Avengers. Sorry, Simon.
• 43:13
  Speaker A: I remember the first ever lead raid when I was training in Ireland for my like, AI or whatever. It was the first ever time I was trusted out just to take a little 20 minute lead line out. Because obviously you had to do your teaching hours to get your AI. So you have to do lead reins, you have to do everything. And I'm not a big fan of children as we know. And so I have this little kid on Carrots. Never taken the lead reign. I've got the lead line, kids holding onto the rein, sit up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Carrots goes for grass, smashes his head to the floor. Child keeps hold of reins, goes straight out the front door in a forward roll.
• 43:46
  Speaker C: I was like, oh, fuck.
• 43:49
  Speaker A: It hadn't occurred to me. The kid wouldn't let go of the reins. I was like, 22, I think at this point. And of course, that was lesson learned. It never ever happened again. And I'm now 45. But it was like, okay, Brush child down. Child was absolutely fine, didn't even cry. Just landed, did a complete somersault. Kind of vaguely caught it on the way down. Let's not tell Mummy and Daddy about this, shall we? But, yeah, I was like, lesson learned. Children do not let go of reins, ladies and gentlemen. They do not let go of fucking reins. Never laugh so hard in my life. Carrots. Oh, that was a great pony. But, yes. So that was my first ever child, first ever lesson, I think, that I ever taught. And the kid fell off. Right, right. On the last podcast we had Ben Aslin on, if you haven't listened to it, go back. I introduced our new Quickfire questions, and I thought I should do them to you guys.
• 44:41
  Speaker B: Oh, crikey. Okay.
• 44:43
  Speaker A: All right, so I'm gonna ask it Ben, then Simon. Quick fire. Ben. What's the horse that's taught you the most?
• 44:51
  Speaker C: Malik.
• 44:52
  Speaker A: Why?
• 44:52
  Speaker C: Tony? Why? Oh, because he's really challenging. He was really, really difficult to train, and I thought all horses were gonna be that difficult to train, and it turned out that it was just sort of him. But, yeah, Malik, that's why that's. He's the one who's taught me the most, Simon.
• 45:08
  Speaker B: Oh, am I answering the same question?
• 45:10
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 45:12
  Speaker B: Oh, I don't know. Probably. Corner Crew.
• 45:16
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 45:17
  Speaker B: The first horse I took around Five Star, made me realize that I could do it.
• 45:21
  Speaker A: Oh, that's nice.
• 45:22
  Speaker B: I never thought I could do it before that.
• 45:24
  Speaker A: Simon, which horse in the world would you steal if no one would ever find out?
• 45:28
  Speaker C: Um,
• 45:33
  Speaker B: now or when they're at their peak?
• 45:36
  Speaker A: Whenever.
• 45:36
  Speaker B: Whoever I really, really liked. Leader de Cursor.
• 45:39
  Speaker A: Yeah. Still going. He's coming back.
• 45:42
  Speaker B: I know. But I would have liked to ride him at his peak. Although apparently he was quite. Is quite tricky.
• 45:46
  Speaker A: I think Tom makes him look a little bit easier than he probably is. Not that.
• 45:51
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's true.
• 45:52
  Speaker A: Not saying that you couldn't ride him. I think he absolutely.
• 45:54
  Speaker B: Well, you just never know.
• 45:55
  Speaker A: I just think the average Joe probably couldn't get on him. What's the most scared a horse has ever made you?
• 46:06
  Speaker C: I don't know, because, like, when you
• 46:08
  Speaker B: say scared, like, I mean, I'm scared every day.
• 46:14
  Speaker C: My horses terrify me more when there's something wrong with them than they've ever scared me.
• 46:19
  Speaker A: Good point.
• 46:21
  Speaker B: That's cute.
• 46:22
  Speaker C: Drive into the vets as fast as you can with a horse with bad colic in the back will always be scarier than any bolter or d' you know. But I would say again, which is
• 46:34
  Speaker B: the moment where you've been frightened for your life the most when you've been riding.
• 46:40
  Speaker C: When I rode my first proper bolter. Like, you think you've ridden horses that bolt, but you've just ridden horses that can get strong and then you ride one. Do you know when the eyes turn
• 46:52
  Speaker B: off
• 46:54
  Speaker C: and like, you're banging off fences and you're like, oh, I'm gonna.
• 46:59
  Speaker B: Like, we're not stopping.
• 47:01
  Speaker C: Oh, like, maybe that. I don't know. Really what I do terrifies me a lot. And I don't think people realize that, like, when I'm jumping them, when I'm stood on them with the long reins and stuff. Like I am. I'm scared.
• 47:15
  Speaker B: Like I am. Well, I absolutely love what I do. I love doing big cross country courses and having a great time. But it scares me.
• 47:26
  Speaker C: Yeah. Like, I have to work myself up. But I think I probably get scared of things that don't happen as well. I probably find the anticipation of getting on some young horses the first time scarier than actually doing it.
• 47:43
  Speaker B: Than actually doing it.
• 47:44
  Speaker C: Yeah. Like Benny, my little warmblood. We thought I've. He can throw mad shapes and always has all his life. And so I was just certain the first time I ride him, he's going to deck me. And it's like just sort of made peace with that. And it is a riding school pony. Like, the difficulty we have is that you're like, pony club kicking him and he's like, oh, do I have to trot? So, yeah, that's what I would probably. That's what I would probably say. Can I actually change my answer? Because you saying that has reminded me the most terrified I have ever actually been on a horse. I'm talking snot and tears down the face. My dad knew that I was scared of hills. Riding up and down big hills, like riding down steep hills really used to scare me as a kid. And I had a pony that was really nappy to whoever it lived out with. And so my dad turned it out with his favorite horse in a private paddock and then loaded up the lorry and took me for a ride. Anyone in our area will know it. Garraby and Thixendale, it is like they are hills. And basically I was like, dad, there's not going to be many hills when we go for a ride, is there? And he's like, no, no, no. Knowing that I could do whatever I wanted and that pony would not stop. My pony Sydney would stay with his horse, Andrew, and there was nothing stopping that. And he just cantered down these steep Hills. And I cried for half a day and then eventually got over it. And then he tried the same tactic with my sister. And she was more intelligent than me because she got off. But I just clung to Sidney's little mane and saddle in absolute thinking I was just gonna die. And then was like, oh, it's actually all right. But. Yeah, that's the most scared I've ever been loved.
• 49:39
  Speaker A: Oh.
• 49:39
  Speaker C: And I'd be like, dad, dad, please stop.
• 49:41
  Speaker A: Dad. Dad, I'm so scared. Like, sorry.
• 49:43
  Speaker C: What? Push on. Yeah. Mr. A.
• 49:48
  Speaker A: Right. These have turned into. Not.
• 49:50
  Speaker C: Sorry, sorry, sorry. Right. More quick.
• 49:52
  Speaker A: I apologize. I just love the answers. What's these?
• 49:55
  Speaker B: And childhood trauma.
• 49:59
  Speaker A: Welcome to the Shut up and Ride podcast, where we talk about religion, childhood trauma, and politics.
• 50:05
  Speaker C: My children aren't even grateful for their trauma. Thank you, dad, for putting me through that traumatic experience, because now I can ride down hills. Well done.
• 50:14
  Speaker A: I don't. My children are going to be therapy. They keep not cleaning out their guinea pigs. And the one thing I said is, we're only getting guinea pigs if you guys clean them out and have responsibility for them. And they've been really shit at it. So I made them. I told them I'm taking the guinea pigs back to the rescue center, and that was it. Unless they wrote me letters to say why the guinea pig should be allowed to stay. They have written me letters. I'm just showing the boys letters. For anyone listening to podcasts, one of the lines says, we open the fridge and he will squeak when we get. And when we put the saddle on him. And when we put them on Thomas and Popcorn, there are their toy ponies. For the love of Chewy and Susan.
• 50:55
  Speaker C: For the love of Chewy. And Susan's written a lot smaller, though, so I reckon Susan can go.
• 51:00
  Speaker A: And Chewie's James is one. Yeah. So he loves Chewie more. Yeah. Is that. Are they gonna need therapy?
• 51:06
  Speaker C: No, they've been cleaning him out ever since.
• 51:09
  Speaker B: No, but they're clearly your children.
• 51:10
  Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, just turn on the waterworks. Anyway, sorry, less childhood trawler. Have you ever had a horse tell you something you weren't ready to hear?
• 51:20
  Speaker C: Yeah, Malik, that's it. Like me thinking I was ready to perform where I was at. And I took Malik on a clinic with a really, really fabulously talented and famous performer called Frederic Pinon. And I thought Frederick was going to see me and be like, oh, my God, you're like, the best person in the world, and you're like this rising star, and you're going to be amazing. And he just tore a strip off me and made me cry and was like, yeah, you're just horrific for this horse. You need to sort yourself out. And I had to sack off my entire style and sort of retrain and set me on the path that I'm on now. And I thought I was going to be told that I was exactly where I needed to be and instead got told I needed to break it down to nothing and start again. And I see that as, like, the fork in the road of my life. I could have plateaued and decided I was right and not changed, or I could trust someone with more knowledge and take a hit in what I was doing for the next two to three years while I retrained. But that's why I'm where I am now.
• 52:25
  Speaker B: Bloody hell, that is impressive.
• 52:27
  Speaker A: When Malik dies, can you have him stuffed and put outside the front of the house just to remind you of all this?
• 52:33
  Speaker C: When Malik dies, I intend to have a Viking funeral.
• 52:37
  Speaker A: Oh, is that even legal around.
• 52:41
  Speaker C: It is in Yorkshire, because around here we all agree that we don't tell on each other. So, yeah, it's legal.
• 52:51
  Speaker A: Simon, what's something a horse has told you you weren't ready to hear?
• 52:57
  Speaker B: I remember thinking that I was really amazing and top dollar and brilliant when I was supposed to do my first ever advance on horse called Ashdale Covergirl. She was called Maddie and she was. She was really cool. And we. I can't remember what happened. The show jumping and the. The dressage, I did half past and the judge wrote, that's not half past. And then when I did the cross country, I got to the water and we got thoroughly eliminated. And she just basically told me that, no, you're not as good as you think you are and you need to learn a little bit. Well, quite a lot, actually. So I went away and did a lot of stuff. And then we went and did another. Advanced quite a lot longer after that. And then she was really good. So, yeah, like, she basically told me that I wasn't really ready.
• 53:45
  Speaker A: How in that moment did you like? Because often it's age, isn't it? And having that experience a few times to be able to recognize that it's you, not the horse. Did you recognize it straight away or did you have to reflect?
• 53:59
  Speaker B: No, and I was really emotional and upset about it and. And I remember sitting at the. We had a trailer and sitting outside the trailer and like, all these top dogs were there. Like, it was a burner market and like, Mary King was there, having traveled all the way from Devon, like Pippa Funnel, all those guys. And they, they. It looked to me like they'd all gone really amazingly and I was. And I just remember being like, all these guys are so amazing and they. And it goes right for them every single time and they have a brilliant time and I'm so rubbish and this is just terrible. And. And now that I'm quite a lot older, I can realize that actually, no, it doesn't go right for everybody every time. And everybody has bad days and it goes wrong for everybody. And if you're not ready, you're not ready and you don't go.
• 54:41
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 54:41
  Speaker B: And you need to be quite hard on yourself about that.
• 54:44
  Speaker C: I find it.
• 54:45
  Speaker B: Sorry, I kind of got off on one.
• 54:46
  Speaker C: No, I agree. I find it strange how like some of the days that at the time were the most humiliating experiences of my
• 54:55
  Speaker B: life, but that you learned the most
• 54:56
  Speaker C: from and now some of my most treasured would not change that. Like if someone said you can go back and edit, life would still have that day would take that one.
• 55:05
  Speaker A: You learned so much more, Tommy.
• 55:07
  Speaker B: So much. I did. And actually she also kind of taught me. So I qualified to do Bramham and I actually qualified for Burley with her when I was 21 and I was like, brilliant. So, yeah, I've got it all sussed and I'm going to go and do Burley and I'm going to be riding at five star for the rest of my life and it's going to be amazing. And I've made it again being a bit arrogant and. And then she. She broke down sadly. Well, not sadly because then she went off and had lots of babies. But then I. I lost the ride on her. And then I suddenly realized that, oh, actually without her I am nothing. And it took me another 12 years, no, 11 years to be able to get back to that level again. And so that was a massive lesson learned as well.
• 55:56
  Speaker A: I'm constantly. Kids when something goes wrong. You learn more from this moment than you'll ever learn from winning or getting it right. And you can tell by.
• 56:05
  Speaker B: You don't really learn anything from winning.
• 56:07
  Speaker A: Yeah, but you. The look in their eyes is, oh, off. I like winning, but hopefully it'll go in one day if I keep saying it.
• 56:15
  Speaker B: Everybody likes winning. Of course you do.
• 56:18
  Speaker A: Right, boys? Ben, you put out question.
• 56:21
  Speaker C: Okay, first question for the three of us. If you could do any discipline at five star just for a day, what would it be?
• 56:30
  Speaker A: Could we put a caveat on that? On do it well and on a really good horse?
• 56:33
  Speaker C: I Think that's what it means, like, yeah,
• 56:38
  Speaker B: I'd like to do any of them.
• 56:40
  Speaker A: I'd like to do badminton. But do it on a really good horse. Knowing I was gonna go clear and not be shitting myself for the whole three days.
• 56:48
  Speaker C: I would like to be Boyd XL for a day.
• 56:51
  Speaker A: Oh, on the carriages.
• 56:52
  Speaker C: Yeah, like if that is the one. Ah, it gets my blood pumping. Watch him. Boyd at Arken. Go on.
• 56:59
  Speaker A: He.
• 56:59
  Speaker B: He. He is quite something, isn't he?
• 57:01
  Speaker C: He.
• 57:02
  Speaker B: I did a bit of work for him at one point and. God, yeah. I mean, such an amazing bloke and just an amazing setup. Cause he used to be based very locally to. He's. Isn't he based in Holland now? He was based at Rolston and they used to drive down the main road and a car hit them from behind and smashed his leg to smithereens. I mean, he is an amazing bloke to come back from what he came back from.
• 57:24
  Speaker A: I didn't know that.
• 57:26
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 57:26
  Speaker C: We need Boyd on.
• 57:28
  Speaker A: That's a good shout.
• 57:29
  Speaker B: So interesting.
• 57:30
  Speaker C: So interesting. He's one of my heroes is Boyd xl. I'll go all gooey and weird.
• 57:36
  Speaker A: Oh, will you? Will you be all unnecessary?
• 57:39
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 57:42
  Speaker B: Be quite good to have his wife on as well because she's really. She's hugely supportive as well.
• 57:46
  Speaker A: Yeah. What would you do then, Simon? Would it be show jumping?
• 57:50
  Speaker B: Oh, I'd love to have a go at show jumping at five star level. I'd absolutely love it.
• 57:54
  Speaker A: Go on. Another question then, Benji. Good game's a fast game.
• 57:57
  Speaker C: Why did Jenny move to Canada? We miss her in the uk.
• 58:00
  Speaker B: Why did she? It's such a good question.
• 58:02
  Speaker A: That's a nice message you sat.
• 58:04
  Speaker C: From my mum, from Nicola Cook.
• 58:08
  Speaker A: Oh, I don't even know that person. That's nice. Lots of reasons. Some shall not be repeated on the podcast, but adventure. I'm not very good. I was on the whirlwind of repetition of school drop off, working for the same people, doing the same events. There's a bit of toxic traits in some of this industry that I wanted to get away from and I wanted my kids to. To experience some adventure. Couldn't afford to go to Canada, so fuck it, why not move there?
• 58:37
  Speaker C: Good shout.
• 58:37
  Speaker A: And yeah, learn to ski and things and my husband could work out here.
• 58:41
  Speaker B: Which you've done extremely well.
• 58:43
  Speaker A: Yeah, we are enjoying it.
• 58:45
  Speaker C: I think this is. All of us can jump in on this, but I think this is a bit. Simon dedicated. What would you suggest doing for a horse that naps out on the cross country? Course, she hacks alone. Absolutely fine. Cross country schools, amazing. But when we're actually at an event, she naps. Loving the podcast. Please help.
• 59:07
  Speaker A: That's a good question.
• 59:08
  Speaker B: I will be scaling it right back. And it depends on what level they're competing at, I suppose. But I just. Yeah, because more often than not that kind of thing is just massive insecurity and we want to get. Get your pony. So we're a lot more confident and happier in what we're doing and that they are. That you guys are a slightly better team. I'm not saying you're doing the wrong stuff, but I just think that obviously there's certainly some massive insecurity there for them to be behaving like that, I think so it's about working with that and making sure obviously that there's nothing wrong with them. But if they're schooling well, then probably not. I think it's more like an insecurity thing.
• 59:45
  Speaker A: Do you think? And a lot of horses are very in tune with their riders. Do you think the sudden competitive element of the rider or maybe the nerves.
• 59:53
  Speaker B: Oh, massively. Because we get so nervous and it transfers to them so quickly and easily. They're like, who. Hang on a minute. There's a problem here.
• 59:59
  Speaker A: Yeah. So. Or maybe the rider as well needs to work on her own. Like confidence and calm.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker A: What would you say as well to the idea of. Cause obviously I used to go team chasing with Laura Collett and she would. I would lead and she would have her babies behind me.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker C: Casual name drop. Just fuck me.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker A: Yeah, drop that in there.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker B: She's my bezzie.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker A: Yeah. Current team gold medalist from Arken and bronze individual world champion. Yeah.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker B: Anyway, so also Olympic champion to Anne Badminton.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Or Anne Ledge. Go listen to her. She was on the podcast. Anyway, so, Laura. But do you think in that situation, doing something fun like team chasing and getting out cross country and following another horse, or is that going to teach bad manners? Because then they're going to expect that. Like, what would be your take on something?
• 1:00:47
  Speaker B: Doing something fun, I think. I think it's a. That that's a great thing to go and do. Like I say, it's to me is probably all down to insecurity. So we want to get it so that it's fun and easy and it's not stressful and that's like that.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker B: I mean, I'd be. I'd be dropping down a couple of levels.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker C: My earth, my thing from. Obviously I don't. I can't remember the last time I jumped to cross country fence. But I would say from the hacking, beautifully. Cross country schooling, beautifully. Make sure your rehearsals look like your game days. Like, go cross country schooling and do everything identically what you're doing on game day, the tack.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker B: And that goes back to what Jenny was saying. Like, the nerves thing is the biggest difference there, isn't it?
• 1:01:38
  Speaker C: Because, like, I've always, like, I make sure that what I do when I'm preparing my horses to perform is as identical to. To what it will be when we're out there. Do you know, like, for cleanliness. I love the idea of a show day bridle and a training bridle for the horse. I hate that idea. Do you know, when my dad was a show hunter judge, he actually sort of didn't kick him out of the class, but was like, yeah, no, when he got on, he was doing a ride judge one day and he got on a horse and he was like, his horse was really funny in the mouth. And he said the reins felt like cardboard. And he was like, is this horse? Is this a new bridle? They were like, yes, it's never worn a double bridle before. And he was like, okay, great. Thank you. Because you're just like, don't throw stuff like that at your. At your horse. Something we talked about earlier, which we will reveal to all of our wonderful podcast guests, our guests, our listeners. That would be very exciting. Maybe that private thing we were talking about doing additionally to the podcast, maybe we could get clips up and we could have Jenny's honest commentary. We could watch clips and commentate them together.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker A: Okay, well, maybe we're thinking about doing a. To try and we'll be very honest with our listeners to keep this going. We need to keep funds coming because I got pay my bills. So we're thinking about doing.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker B: So Jenny is doing only fans.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker A: Yeah. OnlyFans. Yeah. If you would like to see my boobs, go to jennyruddle. Onlyfans.com. i wonder if that actually now gets Googled. He paused. He paused.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker C: And we don't know what she sells.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker A: I saw a lady that.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker C: What?
• 1:03:15
  Speaker A: Sells. Oh, God. He's paused, he's gone. What does she sell? I need to know. He's back. Sorry.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker B: She sells her own sweat.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker A: How do you even do that?
• 1:03:32
  Speaker B: I don't know. She goes for a run and then like, kind of like. Yeah.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker C: Do you know for everyone that buys £10,000 for a bottle, like jars of sweat or farts in a jar off Onlyfans, I hope that there's Some pretty girl on the front of it and it's her like 20 stone rugby playing boyfriends, farts and sweats that they actually send to people like that. But what we were saying is we might start a patreon. We have not fully decided yet. It would be something very, very, very small amount, something like two pounds a month where we would get together and do some content. That would be different, but you know, same vein of what we do here. Like we've said, maybe reviewing certain videos, you'd get early access to podcasts and maybe some exclusive interviews and stuff like that. We need more fans so we can do more cool things. We love getting together. We need to bring Jenny over from Canada. Wouldn't it be cool if we could take me and Simon to Canada as well?
• 1:04:28
  Speaker B: God, wouldn't that be cool?
• 1:04:29
  Speaker C: All sorts of things we can do. We want the podcast to be bigger. There's loads of questions that I've got today that are about making a change in the equestrian world. Like it or not, you need money to do things like that. We need to be at events, we need people to be listening to us. So, you know, it's an idea. We might do it. But like Jenny said at the start, one of the easiest things you can do to help us spread our message and help people and horses all over the world is to like follow and subscribe not only on the podcast, but also on our Instagram and our Facebook.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker A: Wow, this is very good. I know, I know. I love him. Right, We've been going for an hour and a half. Although I'm going to be editing out about half of this because that's the stuff. I'll edit it out. We could put this on the subscription only.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker C: Don't I need a career?
• 1:05:19
  Speaker A: Yeah. Is there any more questions? You were like, yep, quick ones or
• 1:05:23
  Speaker C: are we we quick fire one. What's your favorite breed of horse?
• 1:05:27
  Speaker A: Irish sports horse. Easy.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker B: Yeah, I'd be the same probably. I do like a thoroughbred as well.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker C: Andalusian for me every time. I love my little breast stroking ponies. Do you know when I was driving behind George as she was trotting along the other day and I could just see both of her every time, every trot stride, the front feet are just coming out. One more useful question and then I guess I've got quite a lot of questions. So we'll save some of these for another day. But one more today. Very useful at the moment. Any tips for hard ground? If you're working on hard ground or if you're Going to compete and it's going to be hard ground. Have you got any tips?
• 1:06:11
  Speaker A: I'd say don't do it.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker B: Don't.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker B: Sorry if it's. Yeah.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker A: Is it easy? Yeah, I think. Is it like, what are you doing it for? Do you know what I mean?
• 1:06:21
  Speaker B: I've been so spoiled eventing with. With what they've been doing with the ground recently. It's British venting and the FEI guys, like, and all the events that I've been to of late. They have made such a massive effort. Hi. Wild. Made such a massive effort and that. Which is incredible. But like, you know, if the ground's not good enough, it's not good enough. And then it's, you know, there's always another day.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker A: There is always another day. And I think you will regret if you don't do it. You won't regret it. If you do do it and you hurt your horse, you will regret it. So I think doing the right thing by your horse is never something you'll regret.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker C: Well, beautiful note to finish it on.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker A: Yeah. Do we want to do a. What's annoyed you very quickly because. Who was it? Simon said he's got about 400 things.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker B: Well, I've got a few things, so maybe, maybe not.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker A: No, but you just. You. I've got only one thing.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker B: Go on then, what's yours?
• 1:07:12
  Speaker A: So I went to put my son to bed the other night and he has this yoto thing that plays like noises and he's like, mummy, can you play on my yoto? Rain on a tent in rural France.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker C: You are raising such upper middle class children.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker A: It fucking helped. Would you like me to get you some fucking toast with hummus and avocado while we're at it? Like, how about I play you pissing it down in Canada? What is that gonna do? I'm like, jesus, like, what again? Yeah. Question. Like, could you imagine saying that to your parents? They'd be like, how about I give you a dose of. We're turning the lights off and shut the up. Like. As my child goes into the fridge behind me and helps herself to food. Yeah. That annoyed me. That I am inadvertently. It does help him sleep.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker C: Why does that annoy you? I think that's quite sweet.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker A: It is really sweet and I love the fact that it helps my son. It just annoys me that it couldn't have just been rain. Like, it has to be. And it's just.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker C: I will defend your son a little bit. I'm a white noise person.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker C: And I prefer rain. Rain on a Tent or thunderstorm.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker A: But rain on a tent in rural France? What does he think this is? Like, we're not in Fritz. Like, just rain. Can you play the rain noise, Mummy? I just. I feel like. Yeah, I'm just like. I'm just gonna bring. Bring the normality back a little bit, please. Simon, what's annoyed you?
• 1:08:45
  Speaker B: Well, Ben, what have you. What's annoyed you?
• 1:08:47
  Speaker C: What's annoyed me this week? My back. That was annoying. That it finally got. Mine's a very small one. That it finally got cool enough for my boys to all have their fly sheets and fly masks on. Because when it was, like, red hot, they were just sweating underneath too much.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker C: And they've had them on for a few days, and now it started raining, and they're in their light fly sheets. So I keep having to go outside and take off everybody's fly sheets because it's raining, and then hand them out to dry, and then when it dries, go and put them back on. And it's just not an extra job I need to be doing.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker A: But is this while on the radio playing out to them? Rain on a tent in rural France is blaring out to the horses. Yeah.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker C: Maybe I should set some tents up in the arena so they. In the arena. In the. In the field so they can listen to the sound of raindrops on tents. So they sleep.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker B: I love that.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker C: So they get better REM sleep. Yeah.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker A: Simon, go for it. You can finish us up with your ranting.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker B: Okay. So one thing that has happened to me in the last few weeks was that I was worn out for a dressage test. I went down to go and do my dressage test, and I was on a horse. That is quite spooky. And I was very early for my. I was five minutes earlier than I needed to be for this dressage test. They were obviously running ahead and whatever, and I kind of thought, I'll go down just to be a good boy, I'll go down there. And I went down, and he's very spooky. And he was spooking violently at the whiteboards. Cause, like, they're broken whiteboards, like, at that level. And he had a real meltdown about one of them. And the judge. I'd literally just got to the arena and she bit the horn. And I was like, that is so.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker A: That's, like, really annoying because I think that's really mean.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker B: You can see that I'm struggling. Give me. At least give me, like, a circuit to be able to go round and just, like, settle them A little bit.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker A: And premature horn beeping.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker B: Yeah, premature horn beeping. I just think it's just a bit mean. It's a bit mean.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker A: Maybe she does and it needs to
• 1:10:46
  Speaker B: be the same for everyone. And I'm pretty sure that wasn't the same for everyone.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker A: Maybe she follows you on social media. She's like, fuck it.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker B: Maybe she does. Maybe she thinks I'm a complete part of my Sunday team.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker C: Was it a big event or a small event?
• 1:10:57
  Speaker B: Nah, it wasn't a big event.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker A: No, it was a panic.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker B: No, no, no.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker C: The only way. All I'm thinking is maybe she thought she could get away with it with Simon, because Simon's like riding around five stars and stuff. So she was like, he looks fine.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker B: Maybe. Maybe she does, but she would be wrong.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker A: Yeah. Simon needs all the help he can get.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker B: So my next thing that annoys me. I'm really sorry about this Portaloo's. Oh, I find it so infuriating when I'm going, I open up the door, in I go, and somebody has left a little present in the Portaloo. Just sat there and all I have to do is pump it twice and it's gone. Why the fuck can you not clear your own mess?
• 1:11:40
  Speaker A: I totally agree. All the time we on the sea, why can't you clear it up? You drop tissue on the floor, put it in the fucking toilet. What is wrong with you? Don't get it.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker C: I have seen arena uk, Kelsall Hill and a Private Yard post in the last month about people pooing, shitting in sinks, in sinks.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker A: What.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker C: What is that about? I've never pooed in a sink.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker B: No, I've never even thought about pooing in a sink. Have you?
• 1:12:11
  Speaker A: Are you looking at me? Of course I haven't pooed in a sink.
• 1:12:16
  Speaker B: Have you thought about it, though?
• 1:12:18
  Speaker A: No, I haven't.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker B: No. No.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker A: Yeah, but, yeah, there was a very famous rider who had a big win who vomited in a sink because her groom was vomiting in the toilet.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker B: Well, that, that. That's.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker C: That's.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker B: That's different. That's okay, isn't it? It's not okay, but. You know what I mean? But, but, yeah, I just. I just, like. I just don't get it. Like, if you've got a perfectly adequate portal, why can you not clear your own mess away? Like, especially when I go in there and all I need to do is, like, do two pumps and it's gone.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker A: One of my biggest fears is dropping my phone or glasses down a Portaloo. It's like, it's something I lose. Sleepover.
• 1:12:47
  Speaker B: That's not a great vibe.
• 1:12:48
  Speaker A: I totally get it. It's the one thing I go nuts at my kids about was like toilet etiquette. It is really not hard to clean up after yourself. I'm with you on that. That would annoy me.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker B: Also, I was driving my lorry. Was it day before yesterday? Oh. Anyway, driving my lorry and I was on a motorway, three lane motorway. And I was driving along in the slow lane and I was coming to a. Coming to a slip road and this woman. Sorry, it was a woman. Not as anything, there are lots of very good women drivers, but it was women. And she was coming onto slip road and I was being overtaken on the other side in the fast. Well, the two fast lanes and it was really busy so I couldn't move over and she literally drove into me and I was like, I can't move, love, I'm really sorry. So she horned at me and I was just like, you do realize that you're supposed to give way to me. Back off. So I leant on my air horn, which is really like, it's proper. And I think she slightly shit herself and then went behind me and then she sat behind me for several miles and I was like, you're going to overtake me in a minute. And don't think that I don't know where you are, love. Don't think I don't know where you are. And. And eventually she overtook. And as she came past my window, I let on my horn again and it's like, I say it's really loud and really quite. And she definitely jumped. But yeah, I was so. Come on, guys. Like when you come off a slip road, it's give way. It is give way, is it not? Or am I wrong?
• 1:14:12
  Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, it definitely is. There's no way.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker B: It definitely is. You're supposed to give way. You guessed give way to the. To the traffic that's on the. On the carriageway already and.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker A: Oh, yeah, 100%. Or move into a different lane to give. To make room for people to come on.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker B: Well, no, but, yeah, well, you can do that. But that's just being polite and that's just something that you can do, but you're not actually supposed to do that. You're supposed to. The person that's coming off the slip road is supposed to give away. But yeah, she was horning at me and I was like, love, if you think that your horn's big, then mine is bigger.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker A: And he's not talking about his Lorry,
• 1:14:46
  Speaker C: Jenny, Rudolph, you're a devil.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker B: And another thing that annoyed me.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker C: Kind of annoyed me.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker A: This is the greatest episode ever.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker B: It kind of annoyed me, but it's just like. It was just unfortunate, but. So I went. I was show jumping, went into the ring, I was cantering around on this really nice. A really nice horse and. But I can't remember. And they rung the bell. I was first in. They rung the bell and I jumped fence one and fence two really nicely. And then the. The commentator lady, the judge, she was like, oh, Simon, Simon, we've not rung the bell. Not rung the bell. I was like, they definitely have rung the bell. And everybody at the entrance was like, no, they have to. No, no, there's a problem with the timing equipment. We just need to sort that out again and then you can start again. And I was like, okay, fair enough. And a bit annoying, but fair enough. Anyway, so they sorted out the timing equipment, then they rung the bell again and I started and I had fence two down, which I'd already jumped clear. And then I continued on and finished and I obviously had four faults and that was really annoying. But, like, okay, but just annoying.
• 1:15:47
  Speaker C: That's not.
• 1:15:49
  Speaker A: It's not.
• 1:15:49
  Speaker B: It's not anyone's fault. It's just unfortunate. But I was just like, oh, he should have had a double clear because he cleared that.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker A: That is annoying.
• 1:15:55
  Speaker C: That's the most annoying out of all of them.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker A: What do you think?
• 1:15:58
  Speaker C: Why do you know? Because you can't. That's not. Because the horse didn't get its double clear. And it did.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker B: And actually. But it actually did.
• 1:16:07
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 1:16:07
  Speaker B: And like, those partners, like, oh, can they not just say, oh, Simon, I tell you what, because you jumped a clear before and it was our error, we'll give you a double clear. But they obviously, they can't do that. That's not fair on everyone else and it just.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker A: It's not.
• 1:16:18
  Speaker C: Oh, and the horse had to jump two more fences than it needed to and.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker B: Oh, I've got another one. No, I just. No, I'll save it for another day.
• 1:16:27
  Speaker A: Oh, God. Keep going. We're not gonna. You've got Burley next week. Get it all out now.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'll stop at that because that's plenty. That's plenty. And, yeah, I've got Burley next week, so I need to be in a positive frame of mind, not being negative.
• 1:16:41
  Speaker A: Are you sure you don't want to let it out?
• 1:16:43
  Speaker B: Yeah, no, it's all good. It's all good. I've let that out.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker A: You feel better?
• 1:16:47
  Speaker B: Yeah, I do feel better. Thank you.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker A: Welcome to the Shut up and Ride podcast, where we talk about politics, religion, child trauma, and it's a therapy session for Simon and Portalous and Port a Loos. Wow. We've covered it. All right, you beautiful people. Don't forget to, like, subscribe, do all these things. I'm hopefully going to be launching tour tickets next month, so you can come and see us in person. Right, boys, Now Simon can go to sleep at night as he's got all that off his chest. Love you both. We were meant to record for an hour. It's been an hour and 40.
• 1:17:20
  Speaker B: Oh, my Lord.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker C: 40 of us in the bin. It'll be fine.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker B: Sorry, am I. No, I was gonna say, will I see either of you at Burghley, but obviously not Jenny, because you're in Canada.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker A: No.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker B: You're not coming over, are you?
• 1:17:31
  Speaker A: I'm not for Burghley, I'm afraid. I'm back over for your Horse Live, though, guys. We are going to be back at your Horse Live, so make sure that you come and we'll be on stage. But I feel like we should end this podcast with a song. So all that's left to say is shock.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker C: Jolene, Jolene working 9 to 5 what a way to make a living.
• 1:17:59
  Speaker A: Oh, good God, Sam.