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Homeschooling: What to Do When You’re Ready but Clueless · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:05
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome of the Happy Families Podcast. A couple
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Speaker 1: of weeks ago, we were asked the question why do
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Speaker 1: you decide to homeschool your kids? How's it all going?
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Speaker 1: Should we do it?
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Speaker 2: Like?
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Speaker 1: How do you make that kind of decision? And we
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Speaker 1: got a fairly substantial response from a lot of people
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Speaker 1: who are interested. One of my picks, one of my predictions,
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Speaker 1: my trend for twenty twenty six is that the homeschooling
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Speaker 1: situation is going to continue to rise and that schooling
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Speaker 1: is going to become continually individualized as families struggle with
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Speaker 1: issues around bullying and the associated challenges that school can
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Speaker 1: present for a lot of children. Well, today we're answering
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Speaker 1: one of your tricky questions and it extends the conversation further.
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Speaker 1: A mum who's saying, thinking it's time for homeschooling, but
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Speaker 1: I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. That
0:52
Speaker 1: is our conversation today on the Happy Families Podcast. Stay
0:56
Speaker 1: with us. Hello, welcome of the Happy Family podcast, where
1:00
Speaker 1: you get real parenting solutions every single day. This is
1:03
Speaker 1: Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast, so appreciate listening. Thanks for
1:07
Speaker 1: being here every Tuesday on the pod, we answer your
1:10
Speaker 1: tricky questions about pretty much whatever you want. You can
1:13
Speaker 1: ask us anything. We love talking about stuff, especially as
1:16
Speaker 1: it relates to family and relationships and wellbeing and screens
1:19
Speaker 1: and school and discipline, and the list goes on. If
1:22
Speaker 1: you'd like to submit a tricky question, we've got a
1:24
Speaker 1: super simple system at Happy families dot com dot you
1:27
Speaker 1: just scroll down to podcasts, click the record button, start talking.
1:31
Speaker 1: It's literally that simple. Or send us a voice note
1:34
Speaker 1: to podcasts at happy families dot com dot au. Just
1:38
Speaker 1: like this month from New South Wales Central Coasts.
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Speaker 3: Hi, guys, it's Lisa from the Central Coast. You're right
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Speaker 3: justin this is such a great place to live. I'm
1:48
Speaker 3: just out at the world. I watched nickids player as
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Speaker 3: we speak, and it is awesome. This question is mich
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Speaker 3: A Kylie. I guess we are about to start homeschooling
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Speaker 3: our five year old and I'd love to hear more
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Speaker 3: about what your days look like. How do you structure
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Speaker 3: your days thinking about homeschooling and everything else? In last
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Speaker 3: look for to hear from you. Bye.
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Speaker 1: So, first of all, I drew up the New South
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Speaker 1: Wales Central Coast, hence the reference there, and it did
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Speaker 1: sound a little bit blissful and idyllic, didn't it.
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Speaker 2: Well. She also made using the website sound ridiculously easy.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Here, I am literally the beach, watching the kids and
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Speaker 1: leaving a voice note by a happy family. Guys, it's
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Speaker 1: super simple. One more point on this. I feel like
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Speaker 1: I've just been given the day off. I think this
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Speaker 1: is your podcast. I'm just going to sit back, relax,
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Speaker 1: and hand it over to you.
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Speaker 2: Because I am going to say the days that you
2:42
Speaker 2: take control of the notes, they're a lot easier to
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Speaker 2: read and my hand written scrawl. So let's see how
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Speaker 2: we go. I was doing the maths. We have been
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Speaker 2: homeschooling now for nearly three and a half years.
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Speaker 1: Yeah wow, and hadn't thought of that.
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Speaker 2: I am still feeling completely inadequate to ansla question. I'd
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Speaker 2: love to give you like a prescribed day.
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Speaker 1: No, that's called school, but that's what school is exactly.
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Speaker 2: Every single day in our house looks different. In the beginning,
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Speaker 2: I had this grand plan that we would, you know,
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Speaker 2: school from nine to eleven or whatever the timeframe was,
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Speaker 2: it really is not important, but that we would have
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Speaker 2: some regimented structure to our day. But again, that's what
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Speaker 2: school does. Homeschooling is this beautiful opportunity for us to
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Speaker 2: be really flexible in the way we learn because some
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Speaker 2: kids actually will learn really good in the morning. Other
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Speaker 2: kids will learn better in the afternoon once they've got
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Speaker 2: all their wriggles out. Like every child.
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Speaker 1: Is going to be different and every day as well,
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Speaker 1: but there is still some structure what.
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Speaker 2: You do there is. So I thought, instead of giving
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Speaker 2: you like a plan of what our day looks like,
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Speaker 2: that I might just kind of cheat a little bit
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Speaker 2: laser and give you four tips that have made the
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Speaker 2: biggest difference to my home soog going journey.
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Speaker 1: Every now and again, when I put a list together,
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Speaker 1: you count me through it. I'm so excited to say,
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Speaker 1: what's number one?
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Speaker 2: Number one is take it slow. When I first pulled
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Speaker 2: the kids out, I was so scared. I was scared
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Speaker 2: I was going to destroy their education for starters. I
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Speaker 2: had no idea what I was doing. I had no
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Speaker 2: idea what to expect, and not at my child.
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Speaker 1: We were pretty gung ho, like, you've got to do
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Speaker 1: this many hours, You've got to do all this stuff,
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Speaker 1: like we were fully here is the strict regimen that
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Speaker 1: you have to follow so that we can do everything perfect.
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Speaker 1: Like at the start we were pretty intense about it.
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Speaker 1: We've loosened up a little bit, just.
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Speaker 2: A little, just a little. But I think the thing
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Speaker 2: that really resonates with me at the moment is the
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Speaker 2: acknowledgment that Rome wasn't built in a day. You're starting
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Speaker 2: something entirely new, and the great thing is you actually
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Speaker 2: get to decide what that looks like. There is an
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Speaker 2: to prescribe the way, There isn't one way to do it,
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Speaker 2: and you don't have to have it all worked out
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Speaker 2: on day one. It's going to take you weeks, maybe
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Speaker 2: even months. For me, I feel like the first year
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Speaker 2: and a half was kind of all trial and error.
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Speaker 2: I was actually learning how to work with my child
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Speaker 2: and she was learning how to work with me, and
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Speaker 2: that was really important for me to grasp. So that
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Speaker 2: kind of leads into number two.
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Speaker 1: Oh can I say, what's the second one?
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Speaker 2: Number two is actually about being gentle to yourself and
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Speaker 2: to your child because you're navigating completely new territory, and
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Speaker 2: not only new territory, but you're taking on a new
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Speaker 2: role in their life. Up until this moment, you've been
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Speaker 2: mum and now you're going to be teacher as well,
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Speaker 2: and that responsibility and that relationship changes a little bit
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Speaker 2: as you navigate that space together. And so for me,
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Speaker 2: what has been really helpful has been trusting my own
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Speaker 2: instincts and recognizing that as her parent, there are some
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Speaker 2: things that I know about her that nobody else knows
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Speaker 2: about her. She has strengths, but she also has challenges.
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Speaker 2: And if I can work to her strengths and kind
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Speaker 2: of support her more in her challenge spaces, then we're
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Speaker 2: going to have a much better experience together. I think
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Speaker 2: it's also really important to remember that you're like, this
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Speaker 2: is a huge, huge learning curve for the two of you,
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Speaker 2: and just like any new relationship, there's going to be
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Speaker 2: some time for you to work out. The Kink's homeschooling
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Speaker 2: relationship is no different.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm listening to what you're saying, and I
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Speaker 1: just I love this idea of your work without you
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Speaker 1: go slowly. The great news is you've got a whole
6:47
Speaker 1: lot of time to make a whole lot of mistakes,
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Speaker 1: and if you try to make it perfect, you're just
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Speaker 1: going to put unnecessary pressure on yourself, especially if you're
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Speaker 1: starting at the beginning.
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Speaker 2: Well, the great thing for Lisa is her child has
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Speaker 2: no what going to happen, what school looks like. So
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Speaker 2: when covid hit Emily was six, she was in her
7:05
Speaker 2: first year grade Grade one. Yeah, they sent home the schoolwork,
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Speaker 2: and I knew straight away that this was not going
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Speaker 2: to inspire exciting.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, because it wasn't homeschool, it was school at home.
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Speaker 2: And so I just took on a really creative flare.
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Speaker 2: So she had to write her alphabet letters. So each
7:26
Speaker 2: week there was a different letter. So I got her
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Speaker 2: scrap booking, so she would go through magazines and find
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Speaker 2: pictures of words that started with that letter. She loved
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Speaker 2: filling them up. And then we would when we would cook,
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Speaker 2: we would cook with the letters, and just everything we
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Speaker 2: did was about that specific letter.
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Speaker 1: As they get older, obviously you don't get to have well,
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Speaker 1: I mean, you can still have a lot of creativity,
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Speaker 1: but the assignments become a little bit more academically oriented. Yes,
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Speaker 1: but you can still be creative, you can still have fun.
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Speaker 1: And by then they're used to working at home and
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Speaker 1: getting the job done. Now, this is the part where
7:59
Speaker 1: we take a quick break. And at this point I
8:02
Speaker 1: always say what's coming up after the break is a
8:04
Speaker 1: hook but you don't know, or a tease but I
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Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to say.
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Speaker 1: So after the break a couple more things that will
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Speaker 1: help any parent considering homeschooling their child. That's a bit
8:18
Speaker 1: where you sort.
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Speaker 2: Of do the hook, Oh you want me to okay?
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Speaker 1: Well, the tease you don't give it all away, you
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Speaker 1: just tease it.
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Speaker 2: So we're going to talk about community matters and we're
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Speaker 2: also going to talk about trying new things.
8:30
Speaker 1: Stay with this, We're back into the Happy Families podcast.
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Speaker 1: Another tricky question, as per normal on its Tuesday, we
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Speaker 1: answer your tricky questions. Today, Lisa from the Central Coast
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Speaker 1: wants to know if I start homeschooling my child this year,
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Speaker 1: what am I supposed to do? Kylie, You've got four
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Speaker 1: things for us. We've covered off the first two.
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Speaker 2: What's next Community matters connecting with us the homeschooling families
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Speaker 2: is such an integral part to the positive experience that
9:06
Speaker 2: you will have as a family.
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Speaker 1: And great news there are more people doing it than
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Speaker 1: ever before, so it's easier and easier to find people
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Speaker 1: who are your people doing this.
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Speaker 2: So I learned this the hard way after Emily's probably
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Speaker 2: first half of the year. She'd been working with a
9:22
Speaker 2: small group and they had been catching up one to
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Speaker 2: two times a week, and she was really enjoying it.
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Speaker 2: But it got a bit tedious in that they were
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Speaker 2: doing the same things, same activities, over and over again,
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Speaker 2: and we were going on a holiday. So I pulled
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Speaker 2: her out for the holiday period, and when we came back,
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Speaker 2: she didn't ask me about the group, and so I
9:42
Speaker 2: kind of looked at and I was like, Oh, it's
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Speaker 2: costing me a lot of money to send her, and
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Speaker 2: I think that we might just see how we go
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Speaker 2: without it. We probably did about six to eight weeks
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Speaker 2: without a group, and at that point that meant she
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Speaker 2: was not doing any social activities at all. And one
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Speaker 2: day we had the most just the biggest emotional meltdown
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Speaker 2: that she'd had all year, and she begged me to
10:07
Speaker 2: send her back to school. And I was like, where
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Speaker 2: is this coming from? And so I sat down with
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Speaker 2: her and I said, I am really happy to talk
10:14
Speaker 2: to talk to you about going back to school, if
10:16
Speaker 2: that's what it is. I said, but can we just
10:18
Speaker 2: kind of look at this a little bit more? Can
10:20
Speaker 2: we explore this a bit more. I said, is it
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Speaker 2: school that you miss? Is it teachers and sitting at
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Speaker 2: your desk and writing, or is it your friends? And
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Speaker 2: she just solved, She said, I just missed my friends.
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Speaker 2: I just missed my friends. And so I realized really
10:36
Speaker 2: quickly that I needed to find help and fast. And
10:40
Speaker 2: so I did what I think anyone would do in
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Speaker 2: my situation, and I stalked Facebook and I put out
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Speaker 2: an sos into the universe of homeschooling families and said,
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Speaker 2: we're desperate, we need a group. And within maybe I
10:56
Speaker 2: don't know, ten or fifteen minutes, I had three different
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Speaker 2: mums tell me about group that was three minutes from
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Speaker 2: our house and they met once a week. That has
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Speaker 2: been the biggest lifeline of Emily's schooling experience over the.
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Speaker 1: Last eight ten months. All the besties are there. She
11:14
Speaker 1: she loves being with those people, and it's branched into
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Speaker 1: other activities, other relationships like it's been. Once you find
11:21
Speaker 1: the group, it's easy.
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Speaker 2: And the great thing about having homeschooling relationships is you're
11:27
Speaker 2: doing life similar So even though your homeschooling day will
11:31
Speaker 2: look different, they're available during the day. Whereas she was
11:35
Speaker 2: trying to fit into her schooling friends. Her old school
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Speaker 2: friends and their lifestyles didn't fit with her.
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Speaker 1: Available nine to three, they had their extracurriculums in.
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Speaker 2: The afternoon, and it was just really hard.
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Speaker 1: So what's the last one.
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Speaker 2: The last one is being open to trying something new. So,
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Speaker 2: like I shared at the beginning, I had this kind
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Speaker 2: of conceived idea, this perception of what homeschooling was going
11:59
Speaker 2: to look like. And essentially I was bringing school like
12:03
Speaker 2: the classroom into my dining room. And it didn't work.
12:07
Speaker 2: It didn't work on any level. Emily hated me, she
12:11
Speaker 2: didn't want to learn at all, and I was miserable.
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Speaker 2: I didn't want to be doing this and I didn't
12:17
Speaker 2: want to be fighting with her all the time. But
12:20
Speaker 2: I knew that her being home was the right decision.
12:23
Speaker 2: But I also was desperate to send her back to
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Speaker 2: school in those moments because it was just so hard.
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Speaker 2: So being open to trying new things, open to talking
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Speaker 2: with other families, seeing what's working for them, what's not
12:35
Speaker 2: working for them. It might mean that I don't think
12:38
Speaker 2: in Lisa's situation, she's going to have this, But for
12:40
Speaker 2: families that have already been in the school system, it
12:43
Speaker 2: might mean literally having a term of no learning. Were
12:46
Speaker 2: so structured.
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Speaker 1: Did we do six months? I think we did two
12:50
Speaker 1: terms where we pretty much said to our two homeschool kids,
12:53
Speaker 1: it's just a six month holiday.
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Speaker 2: Well it wasn't. It wasn't quite six months. We took
12:57
Speaker 2: them out at the end of term three, so they
12:59
Speaker 2: had all of time and then to be holiday break.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, so we gave them like, what's that like ten
13:04
Speaker 1: sixteen weeks something like that. So it was four months
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Speaker 1: and then when we hit the ground the next year,
13:09
Speaker 1: they were ready. They were like, yeah, we can get
13:12
Speaker 1: into this, and it made a massive difference. Homeschooling is
13:16
Speaker 1: just for us something that we're so glad that we've done.
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Speaker 1: And I don't know if we'll ever send her back
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Speaker 1: to school. I mean, every now and again we're like,
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Speaker 1: we really need a break. It would be good to
13:28
Speaker 1: have her at school.
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Speaker 2: From that, I'm not gonna lie, there are definitely days
13:31
Speaker 2: where I wish that I had my days to myself. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: but knowing what your why is, knowing why you're doing
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Speaker 2: it is so important because when those days do get hard,
13:43
Speaker 2: you go back to that and you remind yourself of why.
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Speaker 1: Victor Frankel, who wrote men Search for Meaning said, and
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Speaker 1: I'm paraphrasing, he who has a why can live with
13:54
Speaker 1: any how. In other words, you can push through whatever
13:57
Speaker 1: you've got to push through if you've got a really
14:00
Speaker 1: good purpose driving. And I feel like that's why we
14:03
Speaker 1: do what we do, at least with that particular daughter. Hey,
14:06
Speaker 1: thanks for the question. If you have a tricky question
14:08
Speaker 1: that you'd like to throw, Oh, sorry before I do that, Hey, Kylie,
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Speaker 1: thanks for running the podcast for me. I still feel
14:14
Speaker 1: like I talked too much. I have to give you
14:16
Speaker 1: another one and try and stay quieter.
14:20
Speaker 2: We'll give it a go another day.
14:21
Speaker 1: Hey, Okay, send you questions to Kylie tricky questions via
14:26
Speaker 1: podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot au. If you'd
14:28
Speaker 1: like to email or send a voice note, or use
14:31
Speaker 1: the super simple system at Happy families dot com dot
14:34
Speaker 1: you just like Lisa did from the beach on the
14:36
Speaker 1: Central Coast and let us know what it is that
14:39
Speaker 1: you'd like us to help out with. The Happy Families
14:41
Speaker 1: podcast is as always, produced by the wonderful Justin Ruland
14:44
Speaker 1: from Bridge Media, with additional support and admin from Mimhammond's
14:47
Speaker 1: If you want more info. To make you family happier,
14:49
Speaker 1: you can check out happy families dot com dot Au
14:52
Speaker 1: where we have an amazing course to help families raising
14:55
Speaker 1: ADHD kids. It's all there at happy families dot com
14:59
Speaker 1: dot au. Talk to you tomorrow