Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / The Courage to be Seen Ft. Sno Maphosa

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The Courage to be Seen Ft. Sno Maphosa · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

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  You will see a shift in the kind of people that you attract.
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  I would feel so uncomfortable with having large amounts of money.
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  I can't because I've never had that.
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  And I just love desire.
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  I think it's so fun and juicy and sensual and romantic.
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  I was always wondering how, like when a person's like, oh, spirit is saying this to me.
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  I was like, how does that work?
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  Until I experienced it.
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  That you told me to do when I go to bed, I've been doing it.
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  I was like, oh, really?
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  He's 12.
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  He's 12.
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  if this has found you you have something so magical to share with the world and i believe
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  you have manifested this wise wonderful brilliant woman by my side to support you in believing in
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  your voice enough to share it i am so grateful and blessed to be sitting next to a fellow soul
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  sibling joining us on the soul salon today welcome snow to the soul salon thank you thank you so much
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  I am so happy to be here.
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  I love being here.
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  I love your energy.
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  It's so, so beautiful to my skin.
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  Beautiful to my skin.
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  That's exactly how I feel.
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  I walked into the room and I have this thing where it's not easy for me to feel like safe
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  with people, but when I feel it, I'm like, Ooh, I'm like, Ooh.
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  So just now I went to the bathroom and I was like, yes, I'm at home.
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  I'm so blessed and grateful.
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  So it's a gift to do this with you.
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  I'm so excited.
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  And it's been so wonderful to be reading your work and your words.
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  But before we tap into your divine spiritual creative journey, I'd love to ask you, what does the soul mean to you?
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  We are in the soul salon.
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  So what does the soul mean to you?
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  The soul to me is the truest part of myself before the world told me who to be.
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  You know, it's the remembrance that the authentic part of myself that cannot be altered.
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  even though I've tried to kind of mask it with what the world says you should be, how you should
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  be, how you should exist in spaces.
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  I think it's that part that always kind of pulls you back and
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  is like, come back over here.
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  Wow.
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  Oh my word.
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  I felt that in my spirit, as you were saying that
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  the truest part of myself, who the world taught me not to be, everything you just shared about
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  masking that was such a powerful word and the part that keeps calling you back instantly as you said
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  that I got this like rush of connection to my inner child and to that part of us that was so
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  expressed and so safe and so I love that so much and what makes your soul feel most alive most
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  expressed I think it's been absolutely it has been so fun getting in touch with the soul because now
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  I realized that things that I never thought I liked, I absolutely love.
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  I love expressing myself.
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  I love sharing my work.
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  I love having these kinds of conversations.
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  They really set my soul on fire.
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  I love expressing myself, whether it be sitting in the shower or journaling or writing my essays
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  or just going out with friends or really just being by myself and listening to myself,
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  listening for insights or whatever it's going to be.
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  But that really, really sets my soul on fire.
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  Delicious.
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  Oh, sets your soul on fire.
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  Expression.
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  It sounds like you're very in touch with expressing
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  yourself.
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  There's something you said in there that was so powerful.
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  You said so much and something
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  that really awoken something in me is you said, I found that I enjoyed all these things that I think
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  you said I wasn't taught to enjoy.
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  I didn't think that I enjoyed.
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  Can you say more about that, about
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  discovering this path, discovering you actually love expressing yourself.
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  And now you are
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  channeling that in all these different ways, like singing in the shower.
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  I think all of us can relate
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  to the juiciness of that conversation and also solitude.
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  So how did you discover that artistic
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  voice within you?
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  I think, first of all, it was the willingness to find it, you know, being in a
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  space where you're like, you know what, I think I'm ready to really find out what I, what it is
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  that I like, you know, knowing myself better than I'd know like the next person, you know,
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  I felt like I knew the people around me more than I knew myself.
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  And that was worrying to me.
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  Cause
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  I'm like, if I'm going out into the world, who am I, you know?
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  And so when I started trying
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  different things, you know, I realized that, oh my goodness, I absolutely love doing this.
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  I love
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  showing up as this person and it feels so good and so aligned and it's grounding especially if
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  that's who you are because i feel like when we're on this journey i like to say it's not that we are
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  becoming this new person you're just remembering who you've always been and i love um this quote
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  by vincent van gogh it says if i'm worth something later that means i'm worth something now
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  for wheat is wheat even when all people see is grass in the beginning you know so it's it's
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  really so beautiful to witness i look at myself in the mirror and i just smile because i'm like
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  oh my goodness this was so good oh my word wow we are all celebrating that you have found that
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  within yourself and that return you mentioned it's not something new it's a remembrance that's
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  Such a powerful insight.
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  And then how you started, willingness.
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  That is such a powerful word, right?
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  Like the willingness to discover, to learn, to unlearn.
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  And you were willing to get to know yourself in a beautiful and intimate way.
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  And it sounds like that has given so many fruits to your spirit and therefore through you and your writing and your work.
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  And that quote you just shared about if I'm worth something then, I'm worth something now.
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  The wheat and the becoming.
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  I love how you explore that in your work.
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  the stages of growth.
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  Oh, so stunning.
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  I love this so much.
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  Wow.
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  Thank you for sharing this.
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  Now I know that all of us in this reclamation of our soul expression, in the finding that
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  juiciness with your voice, there are fears we are asked to overcome so many and limiting beliefs.
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  So I'm so curious on your path, what was your greatest fear that you were invited to
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  face, heal, overcome in order to be at a place where you're looking in the mirror,
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  smiling.
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  Yes.
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  And also the greatest limiting belief you had to face.
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  You have a calling on
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  your heart that won't stop calling.
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  Whether that is writing a book that's translated across the
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  world or speaking on worldwide stages or hosting a podcast and being in your own gorgeous studio
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  or quitting your nine to five to start your own soul led business, launching your music career,
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  launching the YouTube channel you've had on your heart for months, if not yours,
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  if you are like me and if you are like our community, you have big juicy dreams in your
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  creative soul that long to be expressed through you in this lifetime.
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  And can we first just
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  celebrate how far you have come, all the ways that you are doing the healing work, taking action,
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  showing up in ways that your younger self would be so proud of.
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  Now you are ready to step into
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  aligned community spaces with fellow big dreamers who are taking aligned action on those dreams.
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  What if you had a community of like-hearted, soul-led creators, artists, visionaries, changemakers who are witnessing you and cheering you on at every step of the way, giving you the accountability to make your vision real?
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  We've all felt the gap between vision and action, the gap between what we say we want and then how we actually show up for that wanting every single week.
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  Soulcraft is designed to meet you in that gap in that juicy void in that in between that is actually the majority of the creator's life
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  The process the journey the unfolding soulcraft is a soul-led community of creators artists visionaries and change makers
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  Who are committed to doing the devotional work of bringing our creative dreams to life?
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  How we hold the perfectionism and the fear and the doubt and the procrastination and all
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  of the ebbs and flows of the creative process and how we witness and support each other at every
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  step of the way celebrating the tiniest step as though it is a grammy moment because let's be real
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  we don't get to the book launch or the best-selling book if we don't show up to write word by word
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  sentence by sentence chapter by chapter and so if i'm speaking your language and you feel called to
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  find resonant souls with similarly big delulu dreams but who are sort of like the rare souls
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  committed to actually showing up for those dreams because it is such a humbling and much longer
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  journey than anyone will tell you and so if you are committed to doing that if you're committed
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  to working with your fears rather than trying to wait until you no longer have them if you're
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  committed to stepping into your purpose rather than waiting for the perfect conditions soulcraft
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  is the community for you so if you are full of heart full of soul full of sensitivity full of
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  love and compassion and also full of the desire to heal and help the world to create and leave
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  the world a better place than you found it, to leave your mark somehow and get to the end of
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  your life and not have that familiar regret of wishing you had had more courage to live the life
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  true to you.
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  If you are committed to in this lifetime creating things that are of substance,
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  of resonance, of meaning for the collective, ideas, stories, YouTube channels, essays,
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  sub stacks, whatever it may be that is on your heart to create, a screenplay, an event, a community,
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  trust that that idea has chosen you it is seeking you and maybe it has sent this invitation to you
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  to help you walk the journey towards it visit school.com slash soulcraft that's s-k-o-o-l.com
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  forward slash s-o-u-l soul c-r-a-f-t craft we would love to see you in there as we do the daily
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  devotional juicy humbling delicious terrifying scary wonderful magical mundane oh my gosh no
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  talks about it work of living our dreams and bringing them to life i'm sending so much love
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  and i hope to see you inside soulcraft now let's get back to today's soul session i think the fear
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  that i had and it's it's one that i think most of us have is the fear of being seen because you just
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  like when you're trying to show up in the world and you want to have your voice you want to share
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  your voice with people what stops you is that voice that says how are people going to see you
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  and sometimes you find that when you do share,
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  it's not even that people are going to look at you in a different way.
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  It's just that voice in you,
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  and then you're projecting it onto this faceless crowd
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  and thinking that people are going to think I'm cringe
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  or people are going to think I'm that, I'm going to say the wrong thing
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  and people are going to cancel me, you know,
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  and it just kind of holds you back.
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  And I think that's usually,
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  especially if you're not a person that's used to speaking,
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  right?
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  Having your voice be heard by other people.
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  It's just your body trying to protect you really,
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  because it's not used to this thing.
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  It's new.
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  So it's just like, are we safe to do this?
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  Is it
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  safe to do this?
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  You know, so I had to overcome that fear and just tell myself that as long as
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  I like who I see in the mirror at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
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  And my work is going
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  to resonate with the person that it's supposed to get to, you know, so I don't have to worry about
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  the people that might not get the message that I'm trying to send, you know, as long as there's
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  one person that's like, oh, I resonate so much with this, that'll be so beautiful for me.
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  Because
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  at the end of the day, I think when I write, I think I always say I'm writing to myself,
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  you know, I'm talking to myself.
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  So overcoming that fear of being seen really, really helped me
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  so much.
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  I mean, sometimes it creeps up, you know, comes back.
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  But I think I've been able to
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  kind of go against the voice that says you can't, because I know that I can, and I will,
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  and I will do it, you know.
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  And the limiting belief that I used to have was that
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  in order for me to see myself as worthy of anything, I have to have accomplished ABC,
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  you know if I don't have this to my name then am I worth something and then that made me shrink
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  myself in spaces and kind of end up self-sabotaging in other spaces you know so coming to terms with
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  the fact that I am worth it as I am whether I am sad I'm angry I have one rent to my name
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  I'm still worthy you know it doesn't change anything because my worth does not come from
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  material things is my birthright.
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  So I think that's, that's really one limiting belief I had
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  to let go.
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  And I'm actively letting go of it because it kind of clips up again, you know.
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  Poetry.
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  I think every single one of us listening to you speak and see ourselves reflected and
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  mirrored in what you're describing, wanting to take up more space, but fearing being seen,
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  projecting, like you said, onto a faceless crowd that feels so dangerous to your nervous system
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  and scary and the thought of what people could say and everything you named about,
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  are they going to say I'm cringe?
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  Are they going to say I'm not good enough?
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  And
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  these fears we have within ourselves.
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  And it's such a gift because in liberating yourself from
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  those voices, or at least from them stopping you, you then liberate us through your work,
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  which is such a gift that your voice is out there and being expressed that you're writing and that
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  you are here to teach us so much.
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  And I think that that gift of, okay, as I free myself, I free
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  others.
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  I am someone's permission slip.
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  And what you mentioned about taking it from this grandiose
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  desire to like, what if this could help just one person?
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  That's something that I deeply connect to
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  and teach on and share and believe in.
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  So I really resonate with that so much because that is
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  ultimately what it's about.
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  Absolutely.
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  Oh, wow.
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  And then where you took us with this limiting
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  belief that you had around worthiness.
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  Oh, that what a word.
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  There's a whole world in that word.
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  I think so many of our fears and our blocks are not feeling worthy.
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  So how did you, you know,
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  as you were saying, you know, you are wrestling with, or you danced with the fear of being seen
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  with the feelings of being unworthy.
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  I think the listener may be wondering like, okay, but how,
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  how did you do that?
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  Because I still fear being seen.
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  And I am like struggling to press publish
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  on this post or struggling to promote my event.
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  So please teach us.
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  How do we do this?
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  I think there's that cry for help,
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  not even a cry, invitation to learn from your wisdom
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  on how you face this fear.
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  I'd love to share.
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  But the thing is, before I say how I overcame it,
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  is it's not something that's instant,
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  something that works like magic.
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  You have to work on it.
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  You have to, so what I did first was change how I saw myself.
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  So the opposite of how I always saw myself, you know?
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  So for example, if maybe there's an opportunity, sometimes I stop myself because I'm like,
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  what if I don't get chosen?
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  Right.
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  And then I'll just stop myself and ask, but if I don't get chosen, what does that take
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  away from me?
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  It doesn't take anything away from me because, you know, if anything, you just have to extend yourself to those kinds of things.
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  So it's just building a different self-concept of yourself, how you see yourself.
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  And I think changing your self-concept actually helps with how people receive you, because I believe that people are just mirrors.
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  People treat us how we treat ourselves.
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  You know, so if you want to be treated a certain way, there's nothing wrong with that.
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  But start with self.
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  Treat yourself like that.
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  And I think what helped me with that was doing affirmations.
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  I would repeat affirmations.
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  I would write them down.
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  I even, I think I still have them as my wallpaper.
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  So every time I pick up my phone, I see it.
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  I am a creator and I consciously create.
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  I don't chase.
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  I attract everything that I desire desires me even more.
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  And even when you start,
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  cause when I,
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  when I started it,
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  I didn't believe it,
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  but you don't have to believe it.
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  You just have to keep saying it until it,
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  it,
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  it actually settles in you and you start,
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  you get to a place where you actually believe it.
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  And I think repetition is like the most important thing here.
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  You just keep saying it,
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  you say it,
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  even you start feeling like maybe you're losing it a little but you just keep repeating it until
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  you believe it I think that is one thing that I did even when I'm journaling I use I am so much
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  so I am lovely I am beautiful I am talented until I believed it until I was able to
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  to share myself, like share my talents and say to people, okay, so this is how I think about this
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  thing.
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  So if you resonate, take it, you know, it might help.
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  But I think I also respect the fact
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  that we're all different.
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  So we, so our path towards being less fearful might not be the same,
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  but I think the greatest thing is always the self-concept, how you see yourself.
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  It's very, very important.
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  It's very important.
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  Wow.
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  There was so much nourishment and richness
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  in that.
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  I received so much from that.
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  The first like energetic setting the table was be patient.
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  It takes time.
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  It's not overnight.
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  Like you said, I think that's so powerful.
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  The second step that you laid out around, okay, this is my limiting belief.
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  What is the opposite?
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  it.
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  And then this becomes the affirmation.
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  I believe that I'm not going to be chosen.
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  Everything I desire desires me even more.
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  That was such a, I love that one.
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  I'm taking that one
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  with me.
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  It's beautiful.
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  It's so true.
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  And then where we, where you took us to next around,
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  you know, the self-concept work and the repetition, it's so important.
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  Your nervous
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  system will believe whatever you tell it.
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  So you can keep, as long as you keep telling it.
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  And I again, love how you're walking us through a journey that you don't have to believe it at
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  first.
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  It believes you or it will, there'll be a shift, an inflection moment where you do start to
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  believe.
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  And so I adore these affirmation practices, these I am statements.
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  So thank you so much for
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  sharing that and the slow reconstruction or invitation, the shifting, the transformation
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  that can happen.
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  So what a gift to receive that.
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  And now I think people are wondering, okay, this
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  divine woman, who are you in your own words?
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  What, how would you describe your work in this world?
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  and I like to not start there because I think that's what society does if you're at this or
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  you're at that but any aspects of your identity your culture anything you feel called to just
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  speak to in this moment we would love to hear who you are in your own words I think and my inner
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  child would actually be so excited to hear me say this I believe that I'm a soul-led creative
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  and that's just who I am and my hope is that I do help people remember just like how I remembered
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  who I am what aligns with my higher self I hope that the work that I do helps people gravitate
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  towards remembering who they've always been before all the noise that came so I'm really
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  just a creative that loves expressing oh I love expressing whether it be my feelings or um just
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  having conversations it could be anything that I'm really passionate about I love pouring into
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  my interests um and I think I'm very intuitive and I love that about myself so yeah that's that's
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  Wow.
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  Wow.
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  I feel just a warmth in my whole body listening to you say that and listening to you frame it as
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  how your inner child would feel so proud and delighted to hear you say that I am a soul-led
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  creative and what it's taken for you to get to a place where you claim that and you feel that and
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  it feels good to you and true to you.
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  It's such a gift to all of us who struggle to call ourselves
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  creators or artists or really come home to that.
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  And I love that there's this theme in your spirit
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  of remembrance, of allowing people to remember who they are and returning them to their truth
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  and doing that within yourself and therefore within us.
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  It's such a gift.
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  And then, oh,
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  expression you love expression and expression loves you this is such a gift to my spirit to
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  listen to and receive and I know to everyone learning from you it's so beautiful how our
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  gifts like what pours energy into us also pours energy from us in such an aligned way so what a
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  incredible way to describe yourself thank you we thank you for the work you do to express and to
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  pour into yourself.
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  It's just so juicy.
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  It's so wonderful.
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  I'm just in awe of that and that we
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  are sharing our voices and honoring our voices is such a gift to them.
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  So that's lovely.
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  And I think
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  you touched on this before, like what you feel your soul came here to express or do in the world.
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  I think my soul, again, expression, I think it's really based on expression.
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  So whether
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  I'm expressing it through writing or through design or just you know just having conversations
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  with people um but also experience love in its entirety and without holding back or like
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  having the fear of losing it you know whether it be romantic or platonic or just with family you
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  You know, we sometimes love, but still holding on to the fear of what if I lose this?
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  And I've come to realize that that's really not how I want to love.
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  You know, I don't want to love like that.
• 22:37
  So I think my soul is here to experience love in every way possible, but also experience pleasure without guilt.
• 22:46
  I think we spoke about this also.
• 22:48
  So yeah, expression, experiencing love, experiencing pleasure without the guilt and just kind of like just allowing myself to be in all kinds of relationships that I can be in.
• 23:03
  If it's with work, if it's with my partner, with my friends, my family, just kind of being there, being where my feet are.
• 23:13
  I think that's what my soul is here to do.
• 23:15
  Hmm.
• 23:16
  Hmm.
• 23:18
  I resonate so deeply with that.
• 23:20
  And it's such a remembrance that you've actually just gifted to me personally, as you're saying that, because I love where you started.
• 23:27
  So, you know, the idea that your soul is here to express and you love expression, writing, expressing through design, expressing through speaking and through conversation.
• 23:36
  but then the idea that your soul has also come here to experience love I think I can sometimes
• 23:41
  focus on what my soul has come here to create and express and do but ultimately that is what
• 23:46
  our souls have come here to do and what you said about experiencing love uninhibited by fears
• 23:52
  uninhibited by all the ways we block love and all the forms of love that are possible to experience
• 23:59
  in this lifetime that is a remembrance for all of us if we ever lose touch with that which in our
• 24:05
  today's society it's so easy to lose touch with the soul and with love so it's a really beautiful
• 24:11
  and powerful way of returning us to that insight that ultimately that is what we are here to also
• 24:15
  do is express and also love the expressions of love um and i i adore that because it also is
• 24:21
  about what have i come here to receive as well not only what have i come here to give yes so
• 24:25
  what a gift oh it's such an incredible gift to listen to you share how you how you see the world
• 24:32
  And to that point of love and expression that you've mentioned, you have a connection to spirituality, which I love and also have a connection.
• 24:42
  And so I'm so curious to you.
• 24:44
  You have this motto that you write about.
• 24:46
  And I'd love to hear in your own words, what is that motto?
• 24:49
  And what does being spiritual mean to you?
• 24:52
  We all have so many different understandings and unique relationships with the infinite, with the divine, with the higher power.
• 24:59
  So yes, I'd love to hear more about your spiritual connection.
• 25:03
  So the motto is everything spiritual and romantic in my world.
• 25:08
  And this is something that I saw one day when I was scrolling on, I think it was, I was
• 25:13
  on social media and I was like, oh my goodness, that is absolutely how I want my life to be.
• 25:18
  And so this started as me not being there, not feeling like that, but I was like, I want
• 25:23
  to get there.
• 25:24
  You know, I want everything to be spiritual in my, in my world.
• 25:28
  I want it to be romantic.
• 25:31
  and I think that with me spirituality is is woven into the way I live my life um it's there it's not
• 25:41
  separate from me um it's not something I put on it's something that is woven and I think it's
• 25:47
  in like a lot of us you know and so I love I love love that I love being connected I love being
• 25:54
  close to nature i love touching grass literally speaking to the trees telling the trees my
• 26:01
  problems i absolutely love that you know and the romantic aspect of it is just how
• 26:09
  i'm so in love with my life right now i'm in love with myself and i always say i feel like when a
• 26:16
  person is watching him looking at my life they might be like what is there to celebrate no
• 26:23
  because it's not visible to anybody outside, but I know what I feel inside.
• 26:28
  And I think the love I have for myself, it's very romantic.
• 26:33
  I love it so much.
• 26:34
  I love looking at myself in the mirror and seeing myself and loving what I see
• 26:39
  and smiling because of me.
• 26:42
  It's not something that has come naturally to me.
• 26:45
  I had to work for it.
• 26:47
  I wasn't like the most confident person, although I tried to be,
• 26:50
  But I love that I've actually grown to a point where I am like everything I'm doing is feels romantic to me.
• 26:59
  You know, the way I I love the way I think I enjoy.
• 27:03
  I enjoy the way I think I love my brain so much.
• 27:05
  I love the way I do things.
• 27:08
  It's always so unique to me.
• 27:10
  And I'm just like, oh, I love this girl.
• 27:13
  And I think it's so, so beautiful to be where I am.
• 27:17
  And the reason why I speak so passionately about it is because I have prayed to get to this place where I am right now.
• 27:25
  So it feels so good.
• 27:28
  It feels really good to love and see myself the way I do right now.
• 27:33
  So it's very beautiful.
• 27:41
  I'm so in love with who I am.
• 27:43
  I'm in love with my life right now.
• 27:44
  what you are saying.
• 27:46
  I know your ancestors are looking down with the biggest smile and warmth
• 27:50
  in their heart that you get to and that you have carved out a reality where you are saying these
• 27:56
  words.
• 27:57
  This is what we ultimately are all seeking is this contentment you are describing and this
• 28:03
  delicious pleasure.
• 28:04
  You know, earlier you mentioned that you want to experience pleasure
• 28:07
  without guilt and you're really giving that to yourself and showing us a different way to live.
• 28:12
  I love how you said many of the aspects of my life, people would look from the outside and they'd be like, what are you celebrating?
• 28:20
  That's one of the most powerful things that has been expressed in the universe because those inner invisible riches of the spirit of the soul, like that our society is never going to teach us.
• 28:29
  That's what life really is about.
• 28:31
  That nourishment from within and that inner glow, we can feel it from you.
• 28:35
  It's so powerful that there's a light that's shining so brightly within you that is overflowing.
• 28:40
  And I just celebrate so deeply that you are experiencing life that way, that you are looking in the mirror and celebrating yourself.
• 28:47
  And something that came to me as you were speaking is the power of expression and the ripple effect.
• 28:52
  So someone posted that everything in my world, you know, is spiritual and romantic.
• 28:57
  And it touched something in you that you now have like co-created life with.
• 29:01
  So what a gift that it has rippled through you in such a profound way.
• 29:06
  I love this specific idea of romanticism.
• 29:08
  what does it mean in your world to live romantically to live with this you've described
• 29:13
  some of the elements but what is that to you because it's just so wonderful to learn from
• 29:18
  someone who's embodying it yes i think it's in the little things you know like just having a cup of
• 29:25
  tea in the morning and seeing it as the most beautiful thing ever um journaling watching a
• 29:32
  movie going out taking a walk you know just being where your feet are and and existing in that
• 29:40
  moment and being like i am here and i'm doing something and it might look like this small thing
• 29:47
  to the next person but i'm really enjoying it you know and i'm loving it and it doesn't have to
• 29:54
  be something that is like so big you know it can just be like a simple thing for smaller things
• 30:01
  for me are romantic taking a shower for me is romantic having my cup of tea in the morning
• 30:08
  is beautiful having a conversation a simple conversation with my mother or my sister or
• 30:14
  my brother it's beautiful for me so it's just finding the beauty in the little things because
• 30:19
  there is so much beauty and I think we really need that being in this fast-paced world you know
• 30:26
  just need a second to just come back and kind of breathe in that moment and be like,
• 30:33
  I really like this.
• 30:34
  Cause I mean, you wouldn't be doing it if you didn't like it, you know?
• 30:37
  So when you start really appreciating the fact that you get to have this thing that you enjoy
• 30:43
  doing, it's, it's amazing.
• 30:47
  Um, it turns into this big thing.
• 30:48
  I make a big thing out of everything
• 30:51
  in my life even the like the those smallest things are amazing to me and I think that's just
• 30:58
  unique to who I am you know and how I choose to exist and express in um in the world and
• 31:05
  yeah it's it's really it's really beautiful I love it so much I love that so much
• 31:11
  wow it really is the little things and you're returning us to the romance of the tiny magic
• 31:18
  of existing, the cup of tea in the morning, the miniature moments that make up our lives.
• 31:25
  Even as you were speaking, I breathe and I was like, what if I took a romantic inhale?
• 31:29
  What would that be?
• 31:30
  You know?
• 31:30
  So it's like, it's possible everywhere.
• 31:32
  And I really adore that so much, that framing that it's about the small moments.
• 31:37
  It's about these moments of intimacy that we have with our lives.
• 31:41
  Oh, it's just gorgeous listening to you express that.
• 31:43
  And it sounds like you move through your world with a lot of awe, like a lot of like appreciation for every tiny moment.
• 31:52
  You know, obviously we all have days where that's not the case, but it sounds like you're really in touch with moving as a very like grateful in awe consciousness.
• 32:01
  Have you worked on that or have you actually always sort of had that capacity?
• 32:05
  No, I had to work on that.
• 32:08
  I had to work on that.
• 32:09
  Like I, I was saying, I was having a conversation with my partner at some point and I was like, I realize now that I'm here and I feel like this about myself.
• 32:18
  I realized that I have been floating through life.
• 32:21
  Like I was just there like as a side character in my own life.
• 32:26
  And it is just so, you know, when you think about it and I'm trying to think about the time when I was 20 or 22, I don't remember who I was.
• 32:37
  I don't remember how my days were, but I know that a couple of years going down when I'm 35, I'm going to know what I was doing when I was 27 or when I was 28 because I'm existing and I'm doing everything I do intentionally.
• 32:54
  and it's I had to work on it so sort of like ground myself and find what I love what I love
• 33:04
  doing how I want to exist in the world because that's how that's how it all started I had to
• 33:11
  first be like this is who I want to be you know this is how I want to show up in the world
• 33:19
  and this is something that I I journaled about I think it was in 2024 end of 2024
• 33:26
  and when 2025 ended I was like I am that person now and it's not forced um I'm not acting I'm
• 33:34
  not performing it's really who I am you know so that has been so beautiful um I worked on it and
• 33:42
  I'm really happy that I did um at some point I didn't think I was gonna get here because like
• 33:48
  I said it's not instant and we want instant gratification that's just who we are like
• 33:54
  if I'm doing this it has I have to see results you know and when you don't see results sometimes
• 33:58
  you can be a little discouraged but I think when you reach a point where you feel discouraged
• 34:04
  that's when you have to keep going you're just there you're at the door just keep going yeah
• 34:11
  oh my word what I'm in awe of as you're expressing this is it sounds like you were very in touch with
• 34:17
  manifesting often we manifest an outcome or a result but it sounds like you were really in
• 34:21
  touch with manifesting how you want to feel energetically in your life how you want to
• 34:26
  experience your life and i think that takes a level of depth and a level of awareness that is
• 34:33
  not common in how we think about manifestation it's like oh i want the partner i want this
• 34:38
  versus like i want my life to feel like romantic absolutely reverence i think that's such an
• 34:44
  an incredible insight for all of us.
• 34:45
  Like, how do we want to feel?
• 34:47
  How do we want to move through
• 34:49
  the world as I think always an incredible energy to, to experience and to live life through.
• 34:55
  And
• 34:55
  so the fact that you've done this work, and as you've said, you've held to the faith that this
• 34:59
  was possible for yourself, that is so divine.
• 35:02
  Um, and that takes a lot of trust.
• 35:04
  Yeah.
• 35:05
  Hmm.
• 35:05
  Wow.
• 35:07
  In the spiritual world, there are a lot of like limiting beliefs that we can hold or myths
• 35:11
  we can hold about what spirituality is and isn't.
• 35:14
  So I'm so curious, based on conversations you're having
• 35:17
  or your writing or your work,
• 35:19
  what do you think are some of the limiting beliefs
• 35:22
  we can hold about spirituality?
• 35:25
  I think the one limiting belief that came up for me
• 35:29
  when I started embodying and being this spiritual person
• 35:34
  that I am was that it has to, like, it felt,
• 35:40
  like when you're looking at it it looks like you always have to be like high vibrational so you
• 35:45
  always have to be happy so i was like i don't think i'm gonna be able to do that like right
• 35:50
  now i'm not feeling so good how am i gonna be able to hold it and if i let go of it and i'm
• 35:56
  sad or angry does that mean i'm not spiritual anymore but i think spirituality is about
• 36:03
  it's not about being invincible to your human because you're human you're gonna feel
• 36:10
  your your feelings you're gonna have days when you're sad when you're happy when you're angry
• 36:16
  when you just feel anxious or whatever and i think that's just like the beauty of it you know
• 36:22
  experiencing it fully you know um when i started reading about the law of assumption right i was
• 36:31
  under the impression that i always have to be happy and that if i get said then i'm just
• 36:39
  wavering, you know, and then I'm not going to get what I want because I'm sad.
• 36:42
  Why am I sad?
• 36:43
  Never got it said you have to feel it, you know?
• 36:46
  But as I went through it, as I'm living my life,
• 36:51
  I realized that the feeling that you have to feel is not really happy.
• 36:57
  You can be happy about your
• 36:58
  dreams.
• 36:59
  Obviously when I'm thinking about, oh my goodness, I want this, it's going to make me feel
• 37:02
  happy right but when it's said that the feeling is the secret i don't think the my interpretation of
• 37:08
  of it is i don't have to be happy but i just have to feel and know that i have it already
• 37:14
  um otherwise i wouldn't desire it if my higher self didn't have it already you know so the reason
• 37:20
  why i want it or desire it is because i can actually have it so it doesn't matter whether
• 37:27
  I'm sad on the day because even when I do have it,
• 37:31
  have all this that I want, I'm going to have sad days.
• 37:34
  That's just part of the ebb and flow of life, you know,
• 37:38
  and we really can't fight it.
• 37:40
  You just have to experience it.
• 37:42
  Let it flow naturally.
• 37:45
  Don't try to control anything because now you're just swimming
• 37:48
  against the current.
• 37:49
  And I love that Ellen Watts quote that says,
• 37:53
  let what happens happen.
• 37:55
  If you don't, you're swimming against the current.
• 37:58
  and if you're swimming against the current, you're not going to win.
• 38:00
  You're going to drown, you know?
• 38:02
  So let what happens happen.
• 38:05
  And, yeah, I think that's it to me.
• 38:10
  Wow, that's so profound.
• 38:11
  It's so the surrender and trust that you write about.
• 38:16
  I'd love to go into that later on in our conversation,
• 38:19
  but what you're saying about this toxic positivity
• 38:21
  or this idea that you need to always be high vibrational,
• 38:25
  and I'd love for you to describe in your own words,
• 38:27
  like what the law of assumption means to you.
• 38:29
  Because I think a lot of people in this frequency
• 38:31
  are either have heard of Neville Goddard,
• 38:34
  but maybe haven't looked into his work
• 38:35
  or are very familiar.
• 38:36
  So it would just be wonderful to hear
• 38:38
  from you what that means.
• 38:39
  But what I love that you've said as well
• 38:41
  is that even in the stream reality,
• 38:44
  which desires you, therefore you desire it
• 38:46
  and you hire self exactly,
• 38:48
  you're still going to have days
• 38:50
  where you feel all the range of emotions.
• 38:52
  And it ties so beautifully to what you said earlier
• 38:54
  that we've come here to express.
• 38:56
  And if we've come here to express, we've also come here to experience.
• 38:59
  And there'd be so much music and so many movies that just never would be made if we didn't experience a full range of human emotion that we've come here to feel.
• 39:07
  So I'd love to hear the law of assumption.
• 39:09
  Like, what is that to you?
• 39:12
  The law of assumption to me is assuming whatever it is that you want for yourself, assuming that it's already yours.
• 39:23
  um like i said you wouldn't desire a certain thing if you didn't already have it you know
• 39:29
  um so for me the law of assumption has been so i've i got into that's how i got into visualization
• 39:37
  because i believe that for anything to exist it had to be imagination first um whatever is created
• 39:45
  the person that's creating it has to first visualize it imagine how it's going to look
• 39:50
  and then they act on it.
• 39:52
  So you don't first become the thing and then you feel the feeling of having it.
• 40:00
  You first feel it and visualize yourself having it and then you have it.
• 40:08
  So for me, the law of assumption has been whatever I assume to be true
• 40:13
  is what comes true.
• 40:15
  And we see this not just with the positive, even the negative.
• 40:21
  whenever you think of the worst case scenario it comes true so whatever you assume is true to you
• 40:27
  for you in your own life it's going to be true it's going to manifest as true and so also with
• 40:34
  manifestation i believe that we are all always manifesting manifesting we're always creating
• 40:40
  whether we're conscious or not conscious of the fact but we're always um uh creating something
• 40:46
  and what I love with where I am right now is that I'm conscious of the facts so I am creating the
• 40:54
  things I say things that leave my mouth are things that I want I never I don't want to pay attention
• 41:01
  to scenarios that I don't want in my life I don't want to give it that energy because I don't want
• 41:07
  it in my life okay so for me that's the that's the law of assumption so just assuming that everything
• 41:15
  that I desire desires me back and assuming that everything is working out for me even at times
• 41:22
  especially at times when he feels like it's not coming to me I know that it's working for me
• 41:29
  I don't know how but I just know that it is working so that all ties into letting what
• 41:35
  happens happen you know but just still sitting with the knowing that it's working out yeah
• 41:42
  Cause I think sometimes we want to have control over things and I think that's
• 41:47
  natural, you know?
• 41:48
  Um, but we have,
• 41:50
  I think I've come to with myself,
• 41:53
  I've accepted that getting the things that I want might not look exactly the
• 41:59
  way that I think it's supposed to look.
• 42:01
  It's going to come to me,
• 42:02
  but maybe not in the way that I think it's supposed to come to me.
• 42:05
  So I don't want to have such a tight grip on that version of things.
• 42:10
  I want to allow the higher power to work I want to leave space for it to work so just saying
• 42:17
  this is gonna work out and just breathing and being like I'm here it's working out yeah
• 42:26
  I love receiving you describe this law of assumption because the way you described it
• 42:31
  is so intuitive and it's so powerful to hear it as what I desire desires me my highest self is
• 42:39
  like calling me forward through this desire and to listen to you describe your relationship with
• 42:44
  surrendering control and leaving space for your higher power for the infinite to provide something
• 42:51
  wilder than you could have even imagined because what we can sense with our five senses
• 42:55
  it's just such a tiny percentage of what is possible what is real and I also adore what
• 43:00
  you said about how you are this a moment
• 43:11
  oh i love what you said about releasing how exactly something is supposed to come to you
• 43:18
  i think that is so potent and powerful and trusting that if something is is it feels like
• 43:24
  it should have come or should have come by now whatever something higher is unfolding and we
• 43:28
  can surrender into that and not resist that this is what we're being invited to sit with so i
• 43:33
  I receive so much from that.
• 43:34
  And that really resonates with where I think a lot of us get stuck is that void.
• 43:39
  So how can we in those spaces where things are not happening the way we want them to
• 43:43
  happen or when things are not happening at the speed we think they should happen and
• 43:47
  that control that the ego wants to do, how can we drop into that trust?
• 43:51
  How do you do that?
• 43:54
  Again, I think it's just sitting with yourself and reminding yourself that it is coming.
• 44:02
  um so what i like to do because sometimes you know you want you want this thing and you're
• 44:08
  just like oh my goodness now i want it now and then um so i start i say this because i speak
• 44:14
  to myself out out loud nowadays um so i just be like so whatever is happening right now has to
• 44:21
  happen and so i just have to find what it is that i have to take from this for me to get to where
• 44:29
  I'm going, I don't need to rush it.
• 44:32
  I don't believe that anything that happens in our lives is just by chance.
• 44:37
  It's just happening just for the sake of happening.
• 44:39
  I believe there is something to be taken from that moment, whether it be when you're heartbroken or you're just sad or you're just feeling anxious.
• 44:49
  I think there's if you sit with yourself, sometimes you can find what it what that situation is telling you.
• 44:56
  so I think in the silence um when things aren't moving as fast as we would want them to move
• 45:04
  you to you just have to be patient with yourself also and not because sometimes I think we are like
• 45:12
  so mean to ourselves you know but like just sit with yourself and just remind yourself that
• 45:17
  hey it's it's coming it's gonna come and I know it sounds like I'm making it to be this simple
• 45:24
  thing you know um but that's i think that's the most important thing just remembering that whatever
• 45:31
  is happening right now has to happen um so just take whatever it is that you can take from the
• 45:38
  situation um and then it will propel you towards the future that you want because i believe we're
• 45:46
  always being propelled towards um the future that we want um we're never really like you're never
• 45:53
  being pushed back you just it's part of it it's part of the journey so where you're going just
• 45:59
  know that i'm gonna get there no matter what it looks like right now i'm gonna get there so i
• 46:05
  think it's the most important thing to just keep repeating that to yourself and just telling
• 46:09
  yourself that you're going to get there but also appreciating where you are because i think we get
• 46:15
  so lost in wanting this thing that we forget that we are actually right here so you can't be living
• 46:22
  in the future while your body is here.
• 46:26
  You have to be where your body is and experience life where you are
• 46:31
  because then if you're just existing in your world,
• 46:35
  daydreaming about the future or ruminating on the past,
• 46:39
  that's just an insult to the present.
• 46:42
  So you just have to find what's fulfilling for you right now,
• 46:47
  what feels good for the body, what can help ground you,
• 46:51
  what can help awaken the love for life again.
• 46:54
  You know, when you have those conversations with yourself,
• 46:57
  pour that energy into something creative,
• 47:01
  pour that energy into a hobby or like an interest
• 47:04
  or something that you've always been curious about.
• 47:08
  Read about it, you know.
• 47:10
  The simplest thing, that meal, that recipe that you took a screenshot of,
• 47:15
  try it out and see if it works out for you.
• 47:18
  You know, find the little things while you're here because you are going to get there.
• 47:23
  But don't let your mind go all the way there and leave your body here because now your body is just, you know, just sitting, you know, and you're not absorbing what it is that you have to absorb.
• 47:36
  You're not taking what is being said to you.
• 47:40
  So you're not taking these aligned actions, you know.
• 47:44
  So you just have to be where your feet are and ground yourself.
• 47:48
  I think that's the most important thing.
• 47:53
  It really connects to many moments in my life that I've had.
• 47:57
  And I appreciate you describing this importance of the present moment.
• 48:02
  and it's almost like practicing being in a state where you can enjoy now
• 48:12
  is actually what's going to allow you to enjoy that manifestation when it comes.
• 48:15
  Because if you are constantly in a state of thinking of the future
• 48:18
  and the future is going to be better and the future is going to be this,
• 48:21
  then even if you receive what you think,
• 48:22
  because we've all had moments where we really want something,
• 48:25
  we do get it and then it's actually not,
• 48:28
  we're not in an energetic state to actually experience the beauty of that,
• 48:32
  whether it's your dream relationship or your dream job, and then you get it and you're onto
• 48:35
  the next thing.
• 48:36
  So by being present, like you said, dropping into that recipe or into what exactly do
• 48:42
  would delight me or what is available, what is life trying to give me right now?
• 48:46
  It also creates
• 48:48
  the kind of consciousness where you will just continue to experience more and more magic because
• 48:52
  you are the type of consciousness that can hold present moment joy, present moment delight.
• 48:57
  And
• 48:57
  you really exemplified that by sharing how you feel in your life right now, where you are in awe
• 49:03
  of your life as it is.
• 49:04
  And that it's like this beautiful, intimate conversation between you and
• 49:08
  reality that you love these aspects of your life that to the external eye, they may not see the
• 49:14
  beauty of, but you feel a deep romanticism with.
• 49:17
  So I think that's such a circle back to that.
• 49:19
  And how can we cultivate that presence, that poetry with the moment itself is so profound.
• 49:25
  And I also love how you're inviting us to trust there's a higher unfolding.
• 49:30
  Like what if something needed to happen before you got this thing?
• 49:34
  You know, so I think we sometimes we're not actually fully ready to receive what we're calling in.
• 49:39
  Yes.
• 49:40
  So some one of the themes of your of your work is around desire.
• 49:47
  And I just I just love desire.
• 49:49
  I think it's so fun and juicy and sensual and romantic.
• 49:52
  It's like the essence of romance.
• 49:54
  Yeah.
• 49:54
  So I would love to first hear you speak about how you feel about desire and then the two
• 50:00
  types of desire that you lay out in your writing.
• 50:03
  I found that so fascinating.
• 50:04
  I believe that all of us have desires, right?
• 50:08
  Not to say that we are not fulfilled in the lives that we're currently leading, but because
• 50:14
  I think it's just natural.
• 50:15
  You know, there's things that we desire, but we have to be careful when it comes to desiring
• 50:21
  things or just if you're consciously manifesting said desire you have to make sure that it's yours
• 50:31
  and it aligns with the higher self um because i think sometimes we manifest borrowed desires
• 50:40
  so much um and by borrowed desires i mean um with the height of social media you know
• 50:48
  you're scrolling and you're seeing this person has this thing they have that thing and then
• 50:53
  suddenly your whole like your own life feels too small and you're just like maybe i should want
• 50:59
  that because now you're assuming what the feeling what what feeling they get from having said thing
• 51:06
  you know so you're like i'm guessing they feel this type of way and now i would want to feel
• 51:11
  like that so maybe i should get that you know and the thing about borrowed desires is
• 51:18
  you might get it, but it's not going to resonate with you.
• 51:23
  You're not going to feel like, you're
• 51:24
  not going to get the feeling that you, you thought you were going to get because first of all, it's
• 51:29
  not yours.
• 51:31
  And secondly, you don't know how it made them feel because you're just seeing it on
• 51:35
  a screen and you think it feels good to them, you know?
• 51:39
  And I think now that you've gotten the said
• 51:42
  desire you're just like what did i do wrong what did i do wrong because i mean i got it you know
• 51:49
  they had the perfect boyfriend i got it um they had the perfect house i have it but i still don't
• 51:56
  feel good i don't get that feeling that i i really wanted and it's mostly because it's not yours and
• 52:02
  if it doesn't align with the higher self it's just not gonna align with you you know so i think the
• 52:09
  most important thing to do is, and I'm not saying it's wrong to be influenced into wanting things.
• 52:15
  I think that's just how life is.
• 52:17
  Right.
• 52:18
  Um, but just make sure that when you want it and you're
• 52:23
  consciously manifesting, say thing, calling it into your life, um, be sure that that is exactly
• 52:30
  what you want, that that's what you really want and that you don't want the feeling that you think
• 52:37
  gives the other person, you know, so let it be something that is meaningful to you.
• 52:42
  Um,
• 52:43
  something that's going to bring you joy.
• 52:45
  So, yeah.
• 52:47
  You're really revealing like a hidden step, a hidden calculation we're doing because we may
• 52:53
  think, Oh, I want that partner.
• 52:55
  Oh, I want that life.
• 52:57
  And I think what you're revealing to us
• 52:59
  is there's like an equation we are making with how that life feels.
• 53:03
  That is what we actually want.
• 53:05
  And in the moment, that's not intuitive at all, because you're assuming, well, if I had that, I would feel the way I imagine they feel for having it.
• 53:13
  And then instead of asking, okay, it seems like I want more excitement in my life.
• 53:17
  What could bring that to me in my authentic ways?
• 53:20
  What you're describing about borrowed desires, this is just so critical, especially as you've just mentioned in our world where we are consuming far more about each other, about the world, about possibilities that take us out of our own energy.
• 53:35
  So have you had a moment where you've actually been pursuing something from a borrowed desire?
• 53:40
  And how did you come into authenticity, come into alignment to realize, I don't want that.
• 53:45
  I've been taught to want that.
• 53:47
  You know what I mean?
• 53:48
  um i think for me that showed up um i think it was 2024 and i think that was the catalyst to
• 53:55
  me finding myself wow so um the year had just started and i was just thinking
• 54:03
  what do i want but like also not like thinking deeply about it it was just like the whole uh
• 54:08
  it's a new year so you have to have something that you really want and i remember seeing this
• 54:13
  job opportunity and I was like oh that'd be nice you know and it was out of the country and I I
• 54:21
  remember applying for it and just being like I'm gonna get it you know applied it applied for the
• 54:27
  job and I got it right got the job um started preparing for the visa and whatnot and during
• 54:35
  this whole time not one moment did I sit and ask myself is this what I really want I just assumed
• 54:42
  this is i mean it's out of the country you know and then i remember during the time when i was
• 54:49
  working on getting my visa and and all of that i would always hear i don't know what it was but
• 54:56
  i think i was watching i was listening to a podcast and someone was like
• 55:01
  do you want it or do you want people to see you have it and i'd ignore it so fast
• 55:08
  I just ignore it
• 55:10
  and just focus
• 55:11
  I am leaving this country
• 55:13
  I'm going to this other country
• 55:14
  it's going to be so beautiful
• 55:16
  and I'm going to post pictures
• 55:17
  and people are going to see me in that other country
• 55:19
  you know and I wasn't really paying attention
• 55:21
  to like anything else
• 55:23
  and so I'm preparing for it
• 55:25
  you know just having
• 55:27
  I was feeling excited about it
• 55:29
  and then time came for me to go for my visa interview
• 55:33
  and mind you everything had unfolded so smoothly
• 55:38
  because when I started I remember I didn't know where I was going to get the money because there
• 55:42
  was a lot of money that was supposed to be you know but then I just kept telling myself that
• 55:47
  I'm gonna get it you know that's not a problem you know money is just energy I'm gonna get it
• 55:52
  and I did get it you know um and then so now it is time for my interview and I remember when I was
• 56:00
  going to the interview I wasn't really nervous you know I'm usually like I'm a typically like
• 56:05
  I'm very like, I get very nervous and anxious, you know?
• 56:08
  Um, but on that day I wasn't really
• 56:10
  nervous.
• 56:10
  I was just like, Oh, it's just procedure.
• 56:12
  It's just going to be five minutes.
• 56:14
  And then I'm
• 56:15
  going to get my visa and I'm going to be out of here.
• 56:18
  Um, so I was the first person to be
• 56:20
  interviewed for the visa.
• 56:23
  The interview didn't even last five minutes and I was denied the visa.
• 56:28
  I cried so much.
• 56:30
  I cried so much.
• 56:32
  And then when I got back home and now facing the reality that
• 56:36
  I had this job, um, and I'm supposed to start next week and I just got denied my visa right now.
• 56:42
  Where's my life going?
• 56:44
  What am I going to do?
• 56:45
  Cause I didn't plan for my life to be here.
• 56:47
  My life is planned in this whole other country.
• 56:50
  What am I going to do?
• 56:50
  And I was in such a bad
• 56:54
  space, like a really bad space.
• 56:57
  Um, so fast forward, I started trying to find myself and
• 57:03
  I got introduced to your podcast and that was amazing.
• 57:06
  Um, and then I tried, I started thinking
• 57:10
  about it.
• 57:10
  I'm like, Hey, so are you torn up about not going to the country because you wanted to,
• 57:15
  or because now you're just not going to be able to flaunt it.
• 57:21
  And I started thinking about it and
• 57:24
  I'm just like, I don't understand how I thought that job was going to be good for me because I
• 57:29
  don't like it.
• 57:30
  Like it's not something that was going to be fulfilling for me.
• 57:34
  And, and I just started realizing that if I had, I gone there, I was going to be so miserable.
• 57:39
  I wouldn't have, maybe I would have loved it, but with how I know myself right now,
• 57:45
  I don't think it would have been a good space for me.
• 57:48
  So then that's when I started realizing that
• 57:50
  that wasn't really mine it wasn't aligned with me um maybe that's why I didn't even get it but
• 57:57
  it wasn't my desire I didn't want it and this is not even me being a sore loser but it's just like
• 58:06
  if I'm being honest with myself I didn't want it I wouldn't thrive in that kind of environment
• 58:11
  it doesn't even align with the things I'm doing now so I'm like yeah I really just wanted people
• 58:17
  to see me have it.
• 58:18
  And because I've seen people travel and I wanted that feeling for myself, but
• 58:23
  I didn't really want the job.
• 58:25
  That wasn't my desire.
• 58:27
  I didn't want it.
• 58:30
  Well, first of all, all of us, we thank you for your honesty because it can be difficult to name
• 58:35
  these ego-based desires.
• 58:37
  I wanted people to see me have this thing.
• 58:40
  I wanted to flaunt this thing.
• 58:41
  I wanted to post it on my stories or tell my friends.
• 58:44
  I wanted to be the person who,
• 58:46
  oh did you you know so i really appreciate you just naming this because it really fits into the
• 58:52
  invitation of this whole conversation to shift from ego to soul which this topic of borrowed
• 58:57
  desire really takes us there is this what your ego wants you to have because it will think it
• 59:02
  will make you more worthy or enough or desirable or is this what you deeply want such that no one
• 59:09
  could see you have it and you would still want it yes which is what you are living now where you're
• 59:12
  Like doesn't even like, it's not about how people see it.
• 59:15
  It's about how it feels.
• 59:17
  So, wow.
• 59:17
  That story.
• 59:18
  And then also the profoundness of the universe saying that visa, we're taking it out of the
• 59:23
  equation because once you get the visa, you're going to, you're going to just keep, you're
• 59:26
  going to say, well, now I have the visa.
• 59:28
  So I'm going and you're going to fall more and more into an inauthentic life when there's
• 59:33
  so much richness we want to give to you through your deepest desires.
• 59:37
  So, Ooh, I'm like just getting so excited listening to you express this because there
• 59:42
  are these moments where like logically we should want that job in that country logically we should
• 59:48
  but emotionally and spiritually that's not in alignment exactly oh so i just celebrate that you
• 59:55
  alchemize that moment of the crumble the despair the disappointment of everything falling apart
• 1:00:02
  was your phoenix rising from the ashes absolutely your rebirth oh wow and i'm so grateful that the
• 1:00:08
  Soul Salon played a tiny role in that unfolding.
• 1:00:11
  That's such a gift.
• 1:00:13
  Wow.
• 1:00:13
  Okay.
• 1:00:14
  So you go through this moment, you reconnect with your authentic desire.
• 1:00:17
  So can you talk to us more about, okay, how will we know that?
• 1:00:22
  No, this is what I want, want.
• 1:00:23
  This is not what I have been taught to want.
• 1:00:25
  This is not what I want to be seen wanting.
• 1:00:27
  This is my authentic, not borrowed desire.
• 1:00:30
  I think it's what you just mentioned about if I had this thing and people didn't know or people were not able to see that I have this thing, would it still feel fulfilling?
• 1:00:46
  You know, and I think that's the most important question that you should ask yourself.
• 1:00:50
  And I'm not sure if we ask ourselves questions enough.
• 1:00:55
  I think we really disregard ourselves so much.
• 1:00:59
  And I think if we took the time to really sit down with ourselves and just ask yourself, is this what I want?
• 1:01:08
  The feeling that I want to have about my life, like what does success look like to me?
• 1:01:14
  Is this going to give me that feeling outside of it looking so shiny on the outside and everyone seeing me and being like, oh my goodness, she's living that life.
• 1:01:24
  Is that what really resonates with me?
• 1:01:26
  you know so i think the most important thing is sitting yourself down and really asking the
• 1:01:33
  questions do i really want this or i see someone else have it and i think that the feeling that i
• 1:01:41
  crave is going to come from getting that thing because i assume that's the feeling that they have
• 1:01:46
  having the thing so really just sitting with yourself and trying to find out if if i had this
• 1:01:55
  thing and no one was able to see this thing, is that still going to feel good to me?
• 1:02:01
  And if the
• 1:02:02
  answer is yes, then that's where you're going.
• 1:02:06
  But if it's no, now you just have to find the feeling
• 1:02:10
  that you crave.
• 1:02:11
  Where else can you get it?
• 1:02:13
  Because I think it's really important to live your life
• 1:02:18
  the way that you think is fulfilling for you.
• 1:02:21
  Cause at the end of the day, it's your life.
• 1:02:24
  and when everyone else has gone home and you're alone it's just you does that feel good for you
• 1:02:33
  is is that does that set your soul on fire when you go to bed do you smile and be like oh
• 1:02:39
  this is what i want this is the feeling that i've been craving you know and that's really important
• 1:02:45
  more than what people say or how people view you the most important thing is how you see yourself
• 1:02:54
  thank you for that reminder for all of us to ask questions you mentioned that in your story you
• 1:03:00
  said I didn't even ask myself I didn't take the time to say this is what I actually actually want
• 1:03:05
  and when you did receive a little insight from this post you saw this message you saw on a podcast
• 1:03:12
  you were and you were like no I don't want to look there we've all been there that was also
• 1:03:16
  such a relatable moment where the universe is sending you signs is sending you messages is
• 1:03:21
  sending you teachers to show you the uncomfortable truth.
• 1:03:24
  And you're like, no, I'm blind to that.
• 1:03:27
  I'm sorry.
• 1:03:28
  How dare you try to ruin this for me when actually it's trying to bring you into
• 1:03:33
  a higher alignment.
• 1:03:35
  Something that came through to me on a personal level, as you were describing
• 1:03:38
  this idea of borrowed and authentic desire is this moment here.
• 1:03:42
  You know, I had this deep desire to
• 1:03:44
  be in conversation with wise people who I can learn from and who people in the audience can
• 1:03:49
  receive.
• 1:03:49
  And I've always had a dream of being like in a studio, having beautiful conversations
• 1:03:54
  with people who are just such a gift to the collective consciousness.
• 1:03:58
  But then I was also
• 1:03:59
  pursuing this, you know, this in like sort of dream of sharing my gifts by myself, which I also
• 1:04:10
  enjoy.
• 1:04:11
  I love it.
• 1:04:11
  I love speaking, but I knew there was something that would light my soul on fire
• 1:04:16
  about this type of, you know, setting.
• 1:04:18
  And it's not always either or,
• 1:04:19
  sometimes it's an integration of both,
• 1:04:21
  which is true for me.
• 1:04:22
  But like, that was such a moment of like,
• 1:04:24
  I could have just pursued that forever.
• 1:04:26
  And it would have, you know, from the outside,
• 1:04:27
  it would have looked like,
• 1:04:28
  oh, this is, this is growing, this is this.
• 1:04:30
  But like, there was something my soul desired
• 1:04:32
  that wasn't being fed by purely pursuing that.
• 1:04:36
  So that's what comes to me when I think of moments
• 1:04:38
  where I've pursued something that like,
• 1:04:40
  from the outside could look like,
• 1:04:42
  oh, this is your, you know, this looks good
• 1:04:44
  or this could look good to certain people.
• 1:04:46
  But like for my spirit, it's like, no,
• 1:04:48
  I'd rather no one knows that we had this conversation,
• 1:04:50
  but we get to have it than not have it at all.
• 1:04:53
  So that just came through to me.
• 1:04:55
  Something that you share in your work
• 1:04:57
  is the connection between desire and comparison.
• 1:05:00
  And you've taken us there.
• 1:05:01
  A lot of us suffer from comparing ourselves
• 1:05:03
  to other people, not feeling good enough.
• 1:05:05
  Maybe someone having something
• 1:05:07
  that is giving them the feeling
• 1:05:09
  that we don't know how to access any other way.
• 1:05:11
  And we're just like, no,
• 1:05:13
  but that's what I need to have this feeling.
• 1:05:15
  And I want what they have.
• 1:05:16
  And it just makes me feel so ashamed and not good enough.
• 1:05:19
  Like they're so much better than me, you know?
• 1:05:22
  And they can be these really self-punishing beliefs
• 1:05:25
  and stories and voices.
• 1:05:26
  Like you said, we can be so harsh on ourselves.
• 1:05:28
  So in those moments of like deep comparison
• 1:05:31
  to someone online or offline,
• 1:05:33
  how do we walk ourselves through those moments?
• 1:05:37
  How do you sit with yourself in those moments?
• 1:05:39
  And what can we learn about our desire
• 1:05:41
  through those moments?
• 1:05:43
  um i think one of the things that really helped me when it came to comparison was
• 1:05:49
  realizing that our stories are all different and what i the life i want is unique to me
• 1:05:59
  but also the experiences i've had growing up are also unique to me we are not the same in as much
• 1:06:07
  is we are connected but we are not the same person so my journey is not going to look like
• 1:06:13
  your journey it's not going to look like the other person's journey it's it's not going to happen so
• 1:06:19
  why then would I want to compare things that are not the same um we don't have the same kinds of
• 1:06:26
  opportunities um we're not exposed to the same resources right so when you start thinking like
• 1:06:35
  that and realizing that it's really unfair to yourself you're being unfair to yourself when
• 1:06:40
  you're comparing yourself to the other people I know it's not fun to be at this age and see
• 1:06:46
  how the people your age are living their lives and you just hear and you're like what am I doing
• 1:06:52
  wrong you know but the truth is you're not doing anything wrong there's nothing wrong with you
• 1:06:57
  this is just your own path and uh i know that it's it's really it's sometimes it makes you feel sad
• 1:07:06
  it makes you feel like you're so left out you even get depressed sometimes you're not just
• 1:07:10
  thinking about it but um the truth is we're not the same and i don't want to um say that oh there's
• 1:07:21
  this magical thing that you can do for you to stop comparing yourself to other people i don't think i
• 1:07:27
  have that for anyone but I would just like to say the way that I helped myself get out of that was
• 1:07:36
  realizing and telling myself that I am different the next person is different so our stories are
• 1:07:43
  not going to look the same we are on different lanes so I'm not going to compare myself to
• 1:07:48
  this other person that has everything and then see myself as less than you know because I'm not that
• 1:07:55
  you know and that it's gonna work out for me and it is gonna it's going to work out for me
• 1:08:03
  regardless but at its own time so I just have to be here right now and do what makes me happy
• 1:08:12
  without looking at the other person and I understand that sometimes it can be hard because
• 1:08:18
  I mean social media and you're still going to see the people that are like successful and then
• 1:08:23
  you're going to feel like you're so behind.
• 1:08:25
  But then again, you have to remind yourself that
• 1:08:28
  maybe that's just not you.
• 1:08:31
  Your kind of success looks differently because if you sit down with
• 1:08:35
  yourself and ask yourself, what does success look like to me?
• 1:08:40
  The answer that you're going to get
• 1:08:41
  if you're sitting with yourself, honestly, is it's going to be way different than you think it is
• 1:08:46
  right now.
• 1:08:47
  Because I think when you're thinking about success, you're likening it to somebody
• 1:08:52
  else, somebody else's, and you want it to look the same, but I don't think it's going to be the
• 1:08:59
  same for you.
• 1:09:00
  And you have to understand that not that it's going to be less than, you know,
• 1:09:04
  but it's going to look different.
• 1:09:07
  So you have to accept the difference, but also the most
• 1:09:11
  important thing is not thinking of yourself as less than cause you're not that, and there's
• 1:09:16
  nothing wrong with you.
• 1:09:17
  There's nothing wrong with your journey.
• 1:09:25
  it is so nurturing to the spirit to be reminded that again you are reminding remembering
• 1:09:31
  remembering us putting us back together and to this unworthiness that we feel
• 1:09:36
  and the worthiness to have a path that is incomparable that you're describing and that
• 1:09:41
  we really all are set up to have very different purpose desire as you said also there's so many
• 1:09:48
  different aspects of us.
• 1:09:50
  And we are in many ways like so incomparable, but it's difficult in a
• 1:09:54
  world structured, like you mentioned, to really internalize and receive that.
• 1:09:58
  And so I really
• 1:10:00
  connect to this understanding that it's not to say we're going to, you know, never feel comparison,
• 1:10:05
  but again, to that point of expression, I always like to think, okay, if I'm feeling this pain,
• 1:10:10
  something wants to be expressed through it that can hopefully resonate with someone else.
• 1:10:14
  And I do think that with comparison and envy and jealousy, it can feel really isolating in the moment to hold those emotions and shameful, especially if you identify as a spiritual person or you want to feel happy for people and you want to be like, oh, my word, that's incredible.
• 1:10:29
  You're engaged.
• 1:10:30
  But like part of you is like, I'm jealous.
• 1:10:35
  Why not me?
• 1:10:36
  Why not me?
• 1:10:37
  And something that came through connecting to what you said earlier, you said this powerful thing that everything begins in imagination.
• 1:10:46
  And so like if it exists, it must first exist in imagination.
• 1:10:49
  And I would also encourage all of us who are visionary, soul led creators, artists, makers and change makers.
• 1:10:55
  Can we envision a world where people do not compare themselves to other people out of feeling not good enough?
• 1:11:01
  That would be a world where everyone feels like they are loved and they are loved.
• 1:11:06
  That's like a version of heaven on earth.
• 1:11:07
  And if that world exists, we must have imagined it first to your earlier point.
• 1:11:11
  So can we hold that just as a possibility that there's a world where our children's
• 1:11:16
  children's children's children or children of the earth don't feel unworthy and therefore
• 1:11:21
  don't feel like, oh, if I had what they had, if I was in the relationship he was in, if
• 1:11:25
  I looked like she did, then I would be good enough.
• 1:11:27
  And it's like, it's such a social failure, you know, it's a, it's a tragedy.
• 1:11:33
  but also an invitation to dance with life.
• 1:11:36
  Something I do want to touch on, you know,
• 1:11:38
  is that spirituality is also so connected to like culture and ancestry.
• 1:11:44
  And so what is your connection to how you weave those pieces together,
• 1:11:49
  how you honor your ancestors?
• 1:11:51
  Well, also, you know,
• 1:11:52
  I'm just curious if you have any thoughts, this on sort of ancestral healing,
• 1:11:57
  ancestral
• 1:12:01
  ways of thinking about spirituality languages you speak like culture identity like the way
• 1:12:05
  that these all weave together for you yes i think for me because i am a person i acknowledge my
• 1:12:13
  ancestors right and for me when i started this journey at first i thought i don't know where i
• 1:12:22
  got the idea but i i just thought i was at their mercy like you know and then um i remember i don't
• 1:12:29
  know if i was i was listening to a podcast if i read about it and then this person was saying that
• 1:12:37
  you have to allow yourself to be in a place where you are co-creating with your ancestors
• 1:12:44
  and be with them, allow yourself to sit with them and hear what it is,
• 1:12:54
  what message that you're getting because not always are you being given instructions,
• 1:13:00
  do this, do that, do that.
• 1:13:02
  But sometimes it's just, it can just be a conversation.
• 1:13:06
  but obviously I don't want to get deep into that because I'm not really well-versed when it comes
• 1:13:14
  to that I just know what I do and what feels good for me which might not be how other people do it
• 1:13:21
  but for me is understanding that I don't have to allow myself to suffer and then be like oh I think
• 1:13:30
  that's I think my ancestors are punishing me or whatever I just I just want to be in a place where
• 1:13:35
  I sit and hear what it is that is being said to me.
• 1:13:39
  What am I getting from the situation?
• 1:13:42
  How do I, like, what am I learning from it?
• 1:13:45
  What am I taking from this situation?
• 1:13:48
  And allowing them to speak and hearing whatever it is that is being said.
• 1:13:54
  And the most interesting thing about that is when I started doing it,
• 1:14:00
  I was always wondering how, like, when a person is like,
• 1:14:03
  oh, spirit is saying this to me.
• 1:14:05
  I was like, how does that work?
• 1:14:06
  Like, are you hearing a voice outside of you telling you these things like, you know, and then until I experienced it this one time and it comes as a thought.
• 1:14:18
  But then you have to ask yourself, why would I think that, you know, and then it becomes a thing where I'm like, oh, I actually have to listen to that voice and hear what that voice is saying to me.
• 1:14:31
  And so I think it could be that most of us actually do have the ability to hear spirits speak to us.
• 1:14:39
  So like ancestors talk to us and that would come if you sit with yourself and just ask a simple question.
• 1:14:47
  Just ask, how am I feeling today?
• 1:14:49
  And just sit and ask, I'm sorry, sit and listen for the answer.
• 1:14:54
  And the answer always comes as a thought.
• 1:14:57
  I'm not sure if everyone um receives it as a thought or they hear like an outside voice but
• 1:15:02
  for me it comes as a thought you know and so that's just how it has been with me also like
• 1:15:09
  in dreams I can have the conversation it just feels like I'm just speaking to myself but then
• 1:15:14
  you start getting the answers in your dreams and it's really exciting for me um I really love it
• 1:15:19
  um I remember I was telling my little brother this one time after I was done meditating I was
• 1:15:25
  meditating on something and I was like to him, Hey, so I just did this thing.
• 1:15:29
  He's 12, right?
• 1:15:30
  So I'm like, I just did this thing.
• 1:15:32
  Um, I was meditating and then I was asking myself questions.
• 1:15:37
  Like I needed an answer on something.
• 1:15:38
  I wanted to test it out.
• 1:15:40
  And then I got an answer and then
• 1:15:42
  it was like, Oh my goodness, that would freak me out.
• 1:15:45
  Then I was like, really?
• 1:15:47
  And then it was like,
• 1:15:47
  yes but it just felt so amazing you know it felt so good to ask um a question and get an answer
• 1:15:56
  it was very nice and then i was like oh i should try that i was watching i love him so much i was
• 1:16:02
  watching the the zoom call that we had the soul oh yes he was like he was like i want to watch it
• 1:16:08
  with you we watched it together because i think it was like two hours so after it was done he was
• 1:16:13
  like i was like do you believe that we're sitting on the call for two hours it's like it didn't feel
• 1:16:17
  two hours.
• 1:16:20
  Even the meditation that you, um, the guided meditation that you gave to us.
• 1:16:24
  Um, I was so deep in my meditation, right?
• 1:16:26
  So when I was done, I couldn't see him next to me.
• 1:16:29
  And then he comes as like, is it done?
• 1:16:31
  I'm like, yes.
• 1:16:32
  Did you run away?
• 1:16:33
  He's like, no,
• 1:16:34
  I was doing it.
• 1:16:36
  I was doing this and it felt so good.
• 1:16:38
  I was like, Oh, that's so nice.
• 1:16:46
  I love how interested he is in these things it makes me so happy because even when I because
• 1:16:52
  like I mentioned he's 12 and when you see a 12 year old sometimes you might think that he might
• 1:16:58
  not understand that but so I just kind of opened myself up to like having these conversations with
• 1:17:03
  him and then he like genuinely gets into it and I got him into the law of assumption also
• 1:17:09
  and then I remember he his phone had um stopped working I had told him that he instead of fixing
• 1:17:17
  the phone get dad to get you a new phone he was like no but I want to I want to fix this one
• 1:17:21
  because I like this one so I was like okay cool and whenever you go go to bed just imagine yourself
• 1:17:27
  the feeling that you'd get if dad were to be like hey here's the money go fix your phone
• 1:17:31
  just keep like feeling it you know so I had forgotten that I even said that to him and then
• 1:17:38
  the day dad sent the money he was like oh do you know that thing works i'm like what thing
• 1:17:43
  it's like that thing that you told me to do when i go to bed i've been doing and i was like oh
• 1:17:50
  he's 12 and i was like oh my goodness that is so so beautiful i love that yeah so that's that's how
• 1:17:59
  it is oh my word that's the most precious thing i've ever heard it is so i think we are all feeling
• 1:18:06
  into this he is so lucky to have you you're also so lucky to have him but he's so lucky to have a
• 1:18:12
  guide so young like imagine how this is just going to influence his entire life and how he sees the
• 1:18:17
  world like no matter what belief system he ends up you know weaving together for himself the fact
• 1:18:23
  that he has someone nourishingly inviting him to see the world this way to manifest to assume
• 1:18:29
  he's so lucky and obviously all of us listening to you were like oh my word he's the luckiest 12
• 1:18:33
  year old ever to be able to just be in your presence and receive how life gets to feel
• 1:18:39
  through the way you frame it.
• 1:18:40
  It's such a gift.
• 1:18:41
  And then also my inner child is feeling so like,
• 1:18:44
  ah, when you said that you listened to watch the soul vision portal together.
• 1:18:48
  And like,
• 1:18:49
  just the thought of that is so like magical to my spirit.
• 1:18:51
  So that's incredible.
• 1:18:52
  I'm so
• 1:18:53
  just in awe of that.
• 1:18:54
  And then also how you described your ancestral connection.
• 1:18:57
  And I
• 1:18:57
  love what you said, like, you don't need to be expert.
• 1:18:59
  It's about what you have found within you.
• 1:19:02
  we are all learning from like your embodied wisdom and what you said about co-creation
• 1:19:07
  it doesn't have to be this punishing voice and I think also we have to be wary as as just like
• 1:19:13
  people who are interested in freedom as black women as like all these things that they can be
• 1:19:18
  all these forms of understanding spirituality that are about control and authority yeah
• 1:19:22
  and how can we unlearn like we're not here for someone to have power over us but power with us
• 1:19:27
  And that's really what you described is like a conversation guidance, but not strict direction.
• 1:19:33
  You know, it's like, okay, this is what's coming through.
• 1:19:36
  And I love how you described it comes, it channels through you as a thought and the
• 1:19:40
  openness that for some people, it could be a melody.
• 1:19:42
  It could be something hand just starts writing, you know, like it's, we're all channels in
• 1:19:47
  the way that we are here to channel.
• 1:19:49
  And, um, I really adore the way that you put these ideas and thoughts together.
• 1:19:54
  And it's just a gift to hear.
• 1:19:56
  And I am curious, like, is there any specific connection to you between how you experience spirit, your soul and like the different languages you speak?
• 1:20:07
  Because I'm always fascinated by if that channels through in different ways.
• 1:20:11
  I don't think for me it's like that because, I mean, I do know how to speak Setswana, but my ancestors are not, were not Setswana.
• 1:20:21
  but I think the beauty of it is I don't know like I don't I don't know how to put words to it I don't
• 1:20:28
  know if I can even put words to it but I think it's so amazing how I think just the communication
• 1:20:36
  of it transcends language you know because I think I can decide to speak to them in English
• 1:20:44
  and still feel like I am having a conversation with them and they understanding they understanding
• 1:20:50
  me but like when you go back to it it's just like i don't think my ancestors like as old as they are
• 1:20:56
  i don't think they knew how to speak english you know so i don't know what the word for that is
• 1:21:03
  but i think i just think it's so beautiful i mean i do also when i'm a passering i do
• 1:21:11
  and speak to them but also sometimes i do have conversations in english
• 1:21:15
  and still don't feel like I'm disconnected to them, you know?
• 1:21:19
  So I think it's really beautiful how that happens.
• 1:21:23
  That is very, very healing and very beautiful
• 1:21:25
  that it does transcend language and communication.
• 1:21:28
  It's like communion.
• 1:21:29
  It's about a certain connection
• 1:21:31
  that no language could ever take away from you
• 1:21:35
  and could never change the deeper integrity
• 1:21:37
  of the fact that they are you and you are them,
• 1:21:39
  you know, like you descend from them
• 1:21:41
  and whatever language you are speaking,
• 1:21:43
  it's like yes it's energy and it's a message and they have access i assume in to like an infinite
• 1:21:50
  realm of possibility and they're channeling through it in english yeah um and then for
• 1:21:54
  anyone who is listening who doesn't know what pastoring is could you describe what that is
• 1:21:58
  for us if you feel cool to me so i think also because things mean different things to us you
• 1:22:03
  know um for me all pastor is more so like praying but also not praying in a way where i'm just
• 1:22:13
  telling saying saying saying it feels like i'm having this conversation with them so i can have
• 1:22:21
  a conversation with them anyway with or without a candle some people do it with the candle you know
• 1:22:27
  i can have my candle on and say yeah pastor but there's other people that can also do it they
• 1:22:33
  that do it differently so for me i think i'll just say oh pasha for me is like prayer but also
• 1:22:40
  like having a conversation with my ancestors and spirit it's so beautiful i love that thank you for
• 1:22:48
  sharing that and it's sort of bringing me back to where we started about limiting beliefs that we
• 1:22:53
  can have about ourselves and about each other and these fears are being seen so i will share that
• 1:22:59
  I have been living overseas for quite some time now.
• 1:23:02
  And one of my like original shames is like,
• 1:23:06
  I didn't grow up speaking my own languages.
• 1:23:08
  So I'm Zulu and Oshivambo, so half Namibian,
• 1:23:10
  half South African.
• 1:23:12
  And my mom is South African and Zulu, but we didn't grow up speaking it.
• 1:23:16
  And
• 1:23:16
  so there's like this cultural loss that I've always felt, but then the shame around reclaiming
• 1:23:21
  it because each, when you speak Zulu imperfectly, Zulu people make fun of you.
• 1:23:25
  And I didn't have
• 1:23:26
  the thick enough skin to just be like that's okay I'm learning I just stopped I was like oh if I'm
• 1:23:31
  going to be made fun of I'm just not going to speak colonialism and cultural loss of the spirit
• 1:23:37
  and all of these things and you feel you feel this disconnection from something you know is your own
• 1:23:42
  and one of the limiting beliefs that I had because I'm moving to London is I was like oh then when
• 1:23:47
  I'm in London I'll continue the podcast and then I was like but there are so many incredible your
• 1:23:51
  own people why are you but I realized I had a belief that this childhood shame is going to come
• 1:23:56
  up where I'm going to interview people and they're going to focus on the fact that I can't speak my
• 1:24:02
  own language and I had all of these like stories about what it was going to feel like and how I was
• 1:24:07
  going to be judged and shamed and it's like that's clear that this is the most beautiful divine
• 1:24:11
  conversation yeah so it's another example of I could have let that limiting belief that projection
• 1:24:16
  of the fear being seen I could have let it just be like oh well then I'm not good enough to do this
• 1:24:21
  I'm just not going to do it.
• 1:24:22
  But it's about like how we get to create through these fears
• 1:24:25
  and be in conversation with our ancestors,
• 1:24:27
  even if it's in English and hold that we are inherently worthy
• 1:24:32
  of conversing and using the resources we have accessible to us.
• 1:24:35
  So for some reason, it just came through to me
• 1:24:38
  that I needed to share that.
• 1:24:39
  And I just appreciate like learning from you
• 1:24:42
  and learning all these different threads of your wisdom.
• 1:24:44
  So I appreciate you explaining what it means to Pasha,
• 1:24:48
  but also it also and also it just came to me to share so i appreciate the the safety that you
• 1:24:55
  create in your energy for me to share that oh that's beautiful thank you so much for sharing
• 1:25:00
  thank you thank you wow okay so as we continue this conversation we are tapping into these
• 1:25:08
  different beautiful threads of connection to the infinite connection to ancestors connection to all
• 1:25:13
  the things.
• 1:25:14
  One of the deepest ways that we relate that I think is maybe one of the myths
• 1:25:19
  of spirituality is I think our relationships are where our spirituality really is put into practice
• 1:25:26
  and where the shadows leap out and where all our work actually is often its relationship to self
• 1:25:32
  and its relationship to others.
• 1:25:33
  And so I'm so curious, you write a lot about like people
• 1:25:36
  pleasing and self-abandonment and the ways that we can be in deeper authenticity and integrity
• 1:25:42
  with ourselves in relationship.
• 1:25:43
  And you mentioned you are in partnership.
• 1:25:45
  So I'm just so curious to learn,
• 1:25:46
  like what have you learned
• 1:25:48
  through just being an intimate relationship with people?
• 1:25:51
  I don't know if it's a song that says
• 1:25:52
  you have to be out of the frame to see the picture.
• 1:25:55
  Now that I'm not people pleasing so much as I used to,
• 1:26:01
  I look at it and I'm like,
• 1:26:02
  I really was abandoning myself
• 1:26:06
  because the thing with people pleasing is you're saying,
• 1:26:09
  you're putting everyone else on a pedestal
• 1:26:12
  and then you're like coming you're not even coming second at this point you're just like all the way
• 1:26:16
  there um and it comes out with maybe like doing simple things for yourself um maybe you have
• 1:26:24
  maybe you have like a gym session at 6 a.m um but then you you kind of delay it and just like
• 1:26:31
  oh it's fine i can skip it today if it's something that resonates with you right but then if someone
• 1:26:38
  was to say hey i need to see you at this time you'd make it a point that you're there for them
• 1:26:45
  just so they are comfortable you know but then it's it's really hard for you to do it for yourself
• 1:26:51
  you find it hard to spoil yourself you feel so like you feel so much guilt when you're spoiling
• 1:26:56
  yourself because you just think it's not that important you know um things small things like
• 1:27:02
  buying yourself flowers or putting your feelings first before anybody else.
• 1:27:09
  And, you know, just being there for yourself.
• 1:27:12
  We think it's like this simple thing, but it's really you're teaching yourself that
• 1:27:17
  you don't care about yourself.
• 1:27:19
  And I think it's important to cultivate a good relationship with yourself because that
• 1:27:25
  is the longest relationship you're ever going to have.
• 1:27:28
  It's you like until the end, you know?
• 1:27:32
  So that relationship has to be beautiful.
• 1:27:35
  And when you treat yourself and you abandon yourself so much, you teach people how to
• 1:27:43
  treat you.
• 1:27:45
  And you're not even doing this consciously, but they pick up on it, you know, but like,
• 1:27:49
  also they're not picking up on it consciously.
• 1:27:51
  They're not like, oh, she doesn't love herself.
• 1:27:52
  So I'm not going to love her.
• 1:27:53
  No, no, no.
• 1:27:54
  It just happens naturally.
• 1:27:56
  And I think that goes back to when you're experiencing something, it's important for
• 1:28:01
  you to sit down and ask yourself, what is this situation showing me about myself and the
• 1:28:07
  relationship that I have with myself?
• 1:28:09
  What is this relationship that I'm in right now?
• 1:28:12
  If it doesn't
• 1:28:13
  feel good, what is it saying to me?
• 1:28:16
  What, what, where should I focus on where, like, if I'm in
• 1:28:22
  this self-love journey, where is my attention supposed to go?
• 1:28:26
  Like, and I'm not saying this
• 1:28:27
  to say there's always something that you have to fix with yourself like i said there's nothing
• 1:28:32
  wrong with you right you're just remembering who you are who you like authentically are and how
• 1:28:39
  you're supposed to like show up in the world well not supposed to but like you know what feels good
• 1:28:44
  for you and so with self-abandonment what happens is then the universe because you know the law of
• 1:28:54
  attraction you attract what you have more of so if you're abandoning yourself guess what you're
• 1:28:59
  attracting you know um it's always gonna be friends that flake on you partners that abandon
• 1:29:06
  you they leave you and stuff like that you know and so you have to kind of repair that relationship
• 1:29:13
  with yourself and be there for yourself especially in times when you really need to be there for
• 1:29:19
  yourself and i'm not sure if we really know how to be there for ourselves because i mean we're
• 1:29:25
  different so the way that i'm i um show up for myself might be different to how you show up for
• 1:29:29
  yourself but at the end of the day as long as it is you showing up for yourself once you start
• 1:29:35
  actively doing that you will see a shift in the kind of people that you attract you see this it's
• 1:29:44
  gonna be you're gonna wake up to it and you'll be like huh that's weird and also the thing is once
• 1:29:51
  you start changing those things and changing your self-concept and being like okay i'm a person that
• 1:29:57
  is deserving of a love that feels good to me because i give it to myself first i praise myself
• 1:30:03
  first um i i praise myself more than i criticize myself and then you start getting you know like
• 1:30:10
  you just start attracting people that make you feel how you make yourself feel and it's in a good
• 1:30:17
  way right um but then also the other thing that we have to remember is that it's going to be
• 1:30:22
  something that is new to you to your body to your nervous system so it's going to feel so foreign
• 1:30:28
  and you're going to feel it you're going to feel it and it's going to be so uncomfortable
• 1:30:35
  and you're going to feel like something is wrong because it's so new.
• 1:30:39
  Our bodies prefer familiar chaos over unfamiliar safety.
• 1:30:46
  So if something is new, it's danger.
• 1:30:49
  And so what you have to do with that is just remind yourself that I am safe here
• 1:30:55
  and kind of do find what resonates with your soul to ground yourself
• 1:31:01
  and kind of teach yourself, your body, your nervous system,
• 1:31:06
  and convince them that it's safe to be here.
• 1:31:11
  I know it's new.
• 1:31:12
  I know it's new, but this is good.
• 1:31:16
  And the more you do that, the more it feels safer with time.
• 1:31:23
  There's going to be times where, you know, it creeps up,
• 1:31:26
  the old frequency grips up but as long as you know that and you believe that it is safe to be here
• 1:31:36
  then it's it's gonna be so it's gonna be safe but the I think the main point is to really just be
• 1:31:42
  patient with yourself especially when you're coming out of people pleasing and wanting to be
• 1:31:48
  more there for yourself and not really
• 1:31:54
  what's the word kind of put other people on a pedestal and say okay I'm going up there
• 1:31:59
  you know and this is not saying that you now are treating people badly no you're just loving
• 1:32:06
  yourself more and when you get there you just have to be patient with yourself because it's it's new
• 1:32:13
  so it's going to feel like you're doing something wrong I remember when I was coming out of it and
• 1:32:18
  And I had to say my first no, because sometimes I say yes to things and I'm just like, I don't even want to be there.
• 1:32:24
  But I've already said yes, you know.
• 1:32:27
  And then the first time I said no, it was weird.
• 1:32:31
  It felt so unsafe.
• 1:32:32
  I was shaking.
• 1:32:33
  I was like, oh my goodness, should I just go back and say no, it's fine, I'll make it.
• 1:32:37
  And I had to pull myself and be like, no, sit through it.
• 1:32:41
  Sit with it.
• 1:32:42
  It's discomfort, but sit with it.
• 1:32:45
  And the more you do that, the more familiar it becomes.
• 1:32:49
  And it's easier for you to not give energy to things that don't align with you and be able to say no and be okay with it.
• 1:32:58
  Be okay with the people that are around you not being okay with your no.
• 1:33:03
  Because if it feels good for me and I'm saying no, the no feels good to me.
• 1:33:07
  I don't think it's my responsibility to save you from that feeling that you're getting because it's new to you that I'm saying no to this thing.
• 1:33:17
  But you are going to have to get used to it because I'm also doing the same.
• 1:33:22
  So we try to save people from that, but allow them to sit with it and help them respect the boundaries.
• 1:33:33
  Because if you're creating a boundary, it has to be there, like it has to sit there and don't try to make it easier for other people, you know, because now you are going back to self abandonment, you know.
• 1:33:47
  So even when it feels uncomfortable, try to sit with the discomfort because what comes after the discomfort is very beautiful.
• 1:33:59
  And you're creating so much trust.
• 1:34:02
  You're trusting yourself more now.
• 1:34:04
  Even the decisions you're making, it's just like, oh, that feels good.
• 1:34:08
  You know?
• 1:34:08
  So, yeah, I think the most important thing is to just sit with the discomfort when it first comes up.
• 1:34:15
  and as time goes by it's going to be a little easier
• 1:34:22
  i the something so beautiful about staying in touch with what is on the other side of the
• 1:34:29
  discomfort and keeping your energy focus on that that is really helpful because in the moment the
• 1:34:34
  boundary setting the saying no does feel so uncomfortable and i deeply appreciate how you
• 1:34:41
  frame that, that unfamiliar heaven, it's like the, yes, the familiar chaos over the unfamiliar
• 1:34:46
  heaven or beautiful place.
• 1:34:49
  And sitting with that discomfort is something that we really grow
• 1:34:54
  through and become different versions of ourselves.
• 1:34:56
  What you said about the law of attraction and how,
• 1:34:59
  as we start to have higher standards for how we are treated, for how we move through the world,
• 1:35:04
  that then is reflected back to us.
• 1:35:05
  It's so real.
• 1:35:06
  And it happens quite like it's the shifts are
• 1:35:09
  profound.
• 1:35:09
  And some of us will have to have some time on our own as we sit in that void where
• 1:35:14
  the universe finds aligned, you know, friends and partners to meet us at that level.
• 1:35:19
  But it is worth it to hold that vision of how we get to be treated and how we get to treat
• 1:35:23
  ourselves.
• 1:35:24
  So it's so important that we don't self-abandon and move into this idea of self
• 1:35:28
  honoring.
• 1:35:29
  I'm so curious though, cause I think a lot of, a lot of the advice on boundaries,
• 1:35:33
  It's so beautiful and brilliant.
• 1:35:35
  And also it comes from people who are in more like individualistic cultures and don't have
• 1:35:41
  as many like family obligations or expectations or just like cultural, just ways of moving
• 1:35:47
  through the world.
• 1:35:48
  So for people who are trying to reconcile, like, yes, I need to set boundaries.
• 1:35:53
  I need to honor what's true for me.
• 1:35:55
  And also I am in community.
• 1:35:57
  I am in, I do want to be of service to the people I love, just not in a way that depletes
• 1:36:02
  me.
• 1:36:02
  So how do we really hold that line?
• 1:36:05
  Because it's really difficult.
• 1:36:06
  There's so many expectations placed in the family structure that can be actually very, you know, it's not boundaries.
• 1:36:13
  It's the opposite.
• 1:36:14
  So how do we hold that conversation?
• 1:36:17
  I think the important thing is actually, first of all, the conversation has to be had.
• 1:36:25
  Because if you don't have the conversation, it builds so much resentment.
• 1:36:32
  and it's going to be so explosive when it comes out.
• 1:36:35
  So I think the most important thing is to just have the conversation
• 1:36:40
  and kind of say how it makes you feel and how you would want things to be done
• 1:36:47
  and kind of come to an understanding.
• 1:36:52
  And I know that I'm saying this like it's this simple thing,
• 1:36:55
  but knowing, well, at least for my family, you know,
• 1:37:00
  we're not okay where I when I was growing up our family was like like we don't speak about
• 1:37:07
  feelings you know it wasn't it didn't look like something that was important you know
• 1:37:12
  you just like brush over it and move on even no matter how sad something makes you feel
• 1:37:19
  you feel like you can't really say it you know but I've come to learn that at some point you
• 1:37:26
  just have to have a conversation and say, Hey, so this is how I can show up.
• 1:37:32
  Right.
• 1:37:33
  And still be
• 1:37:34
  able to show up for myself because if I show up 90% here and show and only show up 10% for myself,
• 1:37:42
  what good am I if I'm losing my mind?
• 1:37:45
  You know, it's not going to help anybody.
• 1:37:47
  So I would like
• 1:37:49
  to show up in this way and do this but also acknowledging the fact that okay you guys are
• 1:37:58
  there also you know but like also be able to like create like like you said like a boundary
• 1:38:07
  I'm not sure how to really like explain it I don't know if it's it's it would be my place to do it
• 1:38:13
  because I'm also still trying to navigate that especially when it comes to family but yeah it's
• 1:38:19
  a conversation that I was, I would want to have with my mom, you know, like just have it more
• 1:38:25
  openly and just say, okay, we just like say our feelings and stuff, you know?
• 1:38:30
  Um, but I think one
• 1:38:31
  of the things that I like is that I've opened and this wasn't intentionally, but I've created,
• 1:38:38
  I think I'd like to believe that I've created a safe space for my siblings to be able to tell me
• 1:38:43
  when something doesn't feel good for them.
• 1:38:45
  And I didn't do this because I was like,
• 1:38:48
  oh, I'm teaching them this.
• 1:38:50
  It was just how I wanted things to be.
• 1:38:53
  So with my little brother,
• 1:38:56
  I would like sometimes,
• 1:38:57
  obviously something happens and I'll shout, you know?
• 1:39:00
  But then when the dust settles,
• 1:39:01
  I'm able to say, hey, I'm sorry that I shouted
• 1:39:03
  because it doesn't feel good after I've done it, you know?
• 1:39:06
  And I can see that it doesn't feel good to him too,
• 1:39:09
  in as much as maybe what he did was wrong.
• 1:39:11
  But I'm able to go back and be like,
• 1:39:12
  hey, I know I shouted earlier, but I'm sorry.
• 1:39:15
  It's just that the situation was frustrating me.
• 1:39:18
  I said, things must be done this way.
• 1:39:20
  And then you did it this way, you know?
• 1:39:22
  And then he's able
• 1:39:22
  to like also apologize, you know?
• 1:39:25
  And I realized that it has made him more free because when I do
• 1:39:29
  something, he'd be like, oh, but you don't have to shout.
• 1:39:32
  And then obviously that would make me
• 1:39:34
  a little, you know, angry, but I'm just like, oh, okay, no, I get it.
• 1:39:37
  I really don't have to
• 1:39:38
  shout, I can, I can speak nicely, you know, whereas when I was growing up, if you had to
• 1:39:43
  say that to someone older than you, it's just disrespect.
• 1:39:47
  Cause why are you telling me that
• 1:39:48
  I'm not supposed to shout at you?
• 1:39:51
  You know?
• 1:39:51
  So I think that I would like to have that conversation
• 1:39:56
  more and more with my family, you know, trying to build those boundaries and really speaking
• 1:40:01
  about the importance of boundaries, because I think boundaries are so important.
• 1:40:05
  They're very,
• 1:40:06
  very important i'm not sure how our boundaries are set up as um africans i don't know if i should
• 1:40:15
  say that but like you know just how i don't know if we were taught about boundaries i don't think
• 1:40:21
  so you know i remember this one time i think i i don't know what i was watching but then i was like
• 1:40:28
  seeing like a family like a family get together or something like that and then one of the adults
• 1:40:34
  wanted to give the child a hug you know just like a you know and the child was just like no
• 1:40:39
  and then it was seen as like this bad thing but i'm like that's how we teach our kids that
• 1:40:46
  boundaries don't matter if a child creates a boundary and says i don't like this and then you
• 1:40:52
  do it regardless then you're just teaching them that that's not important at all you know so
• 1:40:57
  i think it's it's really important to to talk more about that
• 1:41:05
  I really appreciate how you you guided us through that and then the also the humility of saying you
• 1:41:10
  know like I'm still figuring this out myself I recognize there are conversations that need to be
• 1:41:15
  had and that I am seeking to have but I'm still finding my way and I think you are we are all
• 1:41:21
  trying to find our way through you know this understanding because I think a lot of people
• 1:41:26
  watching this listening to this are cycle breakers or they are planting new seeds in their lineage
• 1:41:31
  they are like you are doing.
• 1:41:33
  I think something I'm receiving from the way you relate to your
• 1:41:36
  siblings, which is so beautiful because so many children who are now adults have never experienced
• 1:41:41
  an adult apologizing to them because I'm the adult.
• 1:41:44
  How would, why would I?
• 1:41:45
  Why am I apologizing?
• 1:41:48
  Exactly.
• 1:41:48
  And what it's reminding me is that like a family is like a superstructure and we just get
• 1:41:52
  to find a little pocket where we can be, you know, healers or we can be received in the way that
• 1:41:59
  allows those gifts to be honored and try elsewhere, but also like, you know, really understand where
• 1:42:05
  can I tend to in this big ecosystem where, where should I, where could I plant seeds that will
• 1:42:10
  actually, cause you are completely healing or helping and nurturing how your siblings will
• 1:42:16
  experience the entire like life or their relationships, their standards, their families.
• 1:42:21
  And so that's such a gift.
• 1:42:22
  And I know that when we do this work, it does help the entire lineage
• 1:42:27
  heal.
• 1:42:27
  And also, I also honor that there's so many gifts that we also are receiving and integrating
• 1:42:33
  from our lineage.
• 1:42:33
  So it's not just, I think it's important to talk about the trauma, but it's also
• 1:42:36
  important to talk about the gifts, you know, that we all, that we're inheriting from these people
• 1:42:41
  in our, in our, in our family.
• 1:42:43
  So I really appreciate that.
• 1:42:44
  Yeah.
• 1:42:47
  One of the topics we
• 1:42:48
  haven't covered before our closing ritual is your relationship with rediscovering your creative
• 1:42:55
  voice and the resources and tools that you use to be able to express yourself fully.
• 1:43:01
  So I'm so curious.
• 1:43:02
  I think you mentioned a few of them journaling, and I'm just wondering for anyone who is on
• 1:43:06
  that journey, they're sort of where you were in that 2022, what was it?
• 1:43:11
  2024, yeah.
• 1:43:12
  2024 moment where you didn't get the visa and you are now going through your breakthrough
• 1:43:18
  experience, which I'm sure at the time you're holding a lot.
• 1:43:21
  um what are some of the the resources or tools or places or books that really supported you in
• 1:43:26
  that moment I think journaling was like is still at the top it really really helps to get the
• 1:43:33
  thoughts out the feelings out you know when you don't like I believe so much in not keeping things
• 1:43:39
  in because I I think they're just gonna come out in bad ways yeah like I really love journaling I
• 1:43:47
  enjoy it um i feel good when i'm journaling you know it feels really good so journaling praying
• 1:43:54
  um i i also got into eft tapping when i was trying uh regulating my nervous system i also got into
• 1:44:02
  i started buying coloring books and um getting acrylic paints and just painting whatever comes
• 1:44:10
  and like i said it doesn't have to make sense i don't think it would make sense to another person
• 1:44:15
  like the things that I paint, but it feels good for me.
• 1:44:19
  And it kind of brings me back, you know, to myself.
• 1:44:24
  So I think it's just finding what you,
• 1:44:27
  because I don't think that everyone would like to journal, you know,
• 1:44:32
  because we were different, you know, some people don't like writing.
• 1:44:36
  So I think for me, journaling was like the big one,
• 1:44:39
  getting into painting, going out more, but to spaces that feel good to me,
• 1:44:44
  getting new hobbies pursuing interests things that you think about and you're just like oh what
• 1:44:50
  would happen if i read more into this you know what would come out of it and i find that that's
• 1:44:57
  usually just like me taking aligned action because it always leads me to something else that i needed
• 1:45:04
  you know and it's it's really beautiful how the whole thing is set up and i absolutely absolutely
• 1:45:10
  love it so i'd say that you just need to find because when you with the height of social media
• 1:45:18
  there's a lot of things that you're gonna you're gonna find there's a lot of people that will tell
• 1:45:22
  you you can try this you can try that so when you get to that space i think you just take even from
• 1:45:28
  me you take what resonates with you what you think you can do i'm not saying or journaling is going to
• 1:45:33
  save your life but i'm just saying just take try it and then if it doesn't help it's okay you can
• 1:45:40
  always try the next thing because I think there's like a lot there's a lot that we can do um so
• 1:45:46
  yeah that for me that's and also like doing breathing exercises I love that it always
• 1:45:53
  brings me back you know it's just like a good deep breath it always always helps me out so
• 1:46:00
  I really really love that invitation for all of us to do that now taking a deep breath
• 1:46:08
  it really is so powerful i love all of those i just love imagining you painting acrylic
• 1:46:16
  writing journaling and i love the invitation to find and experiment with what resonates with your
• 1:46:22
  soul what sets your soul on fire my heart opened completely when you said what would happen if i
• 1:46:28
  some of the most incredible moments of my life have come from that like what would happen if i
• 1:46:32
  tried improv I really enjoyed trying that just like these interests you have that part of you's
• 1:46:36
  like no am I gonna do that yes so here's the aligned action and letting your inner child
• 1:46:43
  guide you what did what did she love to do they love to do yeah what did he love doing that you've
• 1:46:47
  lost touch with something I used to love doing is writing fiction stories now all my writing is like
• 1:46:52
  non-fiction I'm like I really want to reclaim that play of like you know discovery and and and
• 1:46:58
  and imagination so it's such a gift and then you mentioned sort of these activities are there any
• 1:47:03
  books or resources it seems like you read a lot you're very into alan watts and nico goddard and
• 1:47:08
  all these deep spiritual thinkers so just curious if there's if people have enjoyed this conversation
• 1:47:13
  are there any resources you recommend for them um i think uh you could try the artist's way
• 1:47:20
  but read it with an open mind um i think that's what i like to do with when i'm reading something
• 1:47:28
  because I think sometimes we judge so much so I think if you're in a space where you're judging
• 1:47:33
  you're not gonna take a lot yes so like just open your yourself up to it and read it with an open
• 1:47:39
  mind I've been enjoying doing the the artist state so it helps me be more intentional and
• 1:47:48
  spend time with myself and see what I like what I don't like whether I like that color or you know
• 1:47:55
  things like that.
• 1:47:56
  So definitely the artist's way.
• 1:47:58
  I started Atomic Habits, but I haven't
• 1:48:02
  finished it yet.
• 1:48:03
  But I think where I am with it, I really got the message, the message that I was
• 1:48:09
  supposed to get from it.
• 1:48:10
  You know, it's just like the 1% that you can do, 1% progress in your life.
• 1:48:15
  It's going to take you far.
• 1:48:17
  So I love Atomic Habits and I finished The Alchemist.
• 1:48:22
  Enjoyed it.
• 1:48:22
  oh I loved it um there's I think there's so many other books that are not really coming to me right
• 1:48:29
  now but that's very helpful yeah I love that that's just helpful even because I mean we can
• 1:48:33
  only I think having three is perfect it's like yeah I think with an open mind I think that's
• 1:48:38
  that's really important it doesn't have to be like tons and tons of books even one even one
• 1:48:43
  it's fine and even rereading that's something I really believe in what you said earlier that
• 1:48:47
  repetition is powerful if you connect with a work and it feels like something I believe we have soul
• 1:48:52
  contracts with art.
• 1:48:53
  And so if something is resonating with you, it could just be that,
• 1:48:57
  you know, it used to be wisdom was knowing the same text.
• 1:48:59
  It wasn't reading thousands of them.
• 1:49:01
  So I think sometimes it's also the invitation like, Ooh, what could I reread?
• 1:49:04
  What could I
• 1:49:05
  reconnect with, re-listen to?
• 1:49:07
  And so I love doing that.
• 1:49:08
  Atomic Habits, there's a lot of
• 1:49:10
  overhyped books.
• 1:49:11
  That is a book that has changed me.
• 1:49:13
  I read that a few years ago and it completely
• 1:49:15
  changed the way I approach my life.
• 1:49:16
  So I agree the 1%, there's so many nuggets of wisdom that
• 1:49:20
  can really help.
• 1:49:21
  So I love this has been such a gift before we go to our closing ritual.
• 1:49:25
  Is there
• 1:49:26
  anything that you wish I asked or that like you mentioned that you wish we went deeper into or
• 1:49:30
  didn't feel fully heard or tapped into?
• 1:49:33
  Um, I think with the message that I
• 1:49:39
  hoping that the listener is going to get from this is I just would like to say that
• 1:49:46
  with how sometimes you get the message that for you to manifest you have to have like a
• 1:49:51
  regulated nervous system i don't think that's entirely true um so i don't want that to be
• 1:49:58
  something that holds you back and you're like oh no i'm gonna start consciously manifesting once
• 1:50:03
  my nervous system is regulated no you you just go through it just go with the flow but you can
• 1:50:09
  absolutely benefit from having a regulated nervous system because I think you make
• 1:50:16
  sound decisions when you're more regulated even the conversations that you have with people
• 1:50:21
  also the other thing that I like to do is when something triggers me I don't immediately
• 1:50:28
  communicate it especially even if it's like with my my siblings or my partner or my mom I kind of
• 1:50:34
  want to first sit with it and not communicate from this place that I'm in right now because
• 1:50:39
  I feel like sometimes I might end up saying things that I can't really take back, you know?
• 1:50:44
  So I think it's really important.
• 1:50:45
  We could all really benefit from a regulated nervous system.
• 1:50:50
  But don't say, oh, because my nervous system is not regulated, then that means that I'm not going
• 1:50:56
  to get what I want.
• 1:50:57
  I think there's so many people that have manifested big things without
• 1:51:02
  regulating, you understand.
• 1:51:04
  But I think the most beautiful thing about having a regulated nervous
• 1:51:08
  system is that when you do get this thing that you're actively manifesting, you're able to hold
• 1:51:14
  it without feeling like it's this dangerous thing.
• 1:51:17
  And then in turn, ending up, um, sabotaging and
• 1:51:21
  then losing it, you know, you have to really tell yourself, sit with yourself and be like,
• 1:51:30
  you know, when I do get all these things that all these big things that I'm praying for,
• 1:51:35
  I am going to be deserving of them.
• 1:51:36
  So I don't have to run away from them.
• 1:51:39
  Cause I think sometimes when we get these big things,
• 1:51:41
  we say we want these big things and then the big things come and then your
• 1:51:45
  body's just like,
• 1:51:46
  ah,
• 1:51:46
  well,
• 1:51:46
  no,
• 1:51:47
  that's not going to work for me.
• 1:51:50
  You know?
• 1:51:50
  Totally.
• 1:51:51
  And the other thing that I actually would love to share was when I was doing
• 1:51:56
  this whole thing,
• 1:51:56
  I realized that I had this limiting belief.
• 1:51:59
  I don't know if I should say limiting belief,
• 1:52:01
  but I'm not sure what it is.
• 1:52:04
  I would feel so uncomfortable with having large amounts of money in my account because I'd never had that.
• 1:52:09
  So like every time I'd get a large amount of money, I'm just like, my body's just like, get it out of here.
• 1:52:15
  You know, because I feel so, I feel, I'd feel so safe when there's like little money in my account because that's what I was used to.
• 1:52:22
  So when it starts being a lot, you're just like, no, I don't feel good.
• 1:52:26
  So you start buying things that you don't even need because I mean, it's good to spend money.
• 1:52:31
  You know, money is an energy that loves going, flowing, circulating, allow it to do that.
• 1:52:35
  And it will always come back to you.
• 1:52:37
  But I realized that it was such a, I was scared, you know, and my body was not used to it.
• 1:52:45
  So I had to be like, Hey, it is safe for things to work out for me.
• 1:52:49
  It is safe for things and stability or having things happen for me the way that they're
• 1:52:54
  happening doesn't mean I'll lose it.
• 1:52:56
  It just means I'm aligned with it because I used to have this thing where I get something,
• 1:53:00
  I'm already seeing myself lose it.
• 1:53:03
  And I'm just like, oh my goodness, what's going to happen?
• 1:53:05
  And I lose it.
• 1:53:05
  But I'm like, who said I'm going to lose it?
• 1:53:08
  You know, manifesting, losing it.
• 1:53:10
  Yeah, I understand.
• 1:53:10
  Exactly.
• 1:53:11
  And then it's going to come true because I'm assuming that I'm going to lose it.
• 1:53:14
  So what's going to happen?
• 1:53:15
  You're just going to lose it.
• 1:53:17
  So I think it's really important to pay attention to those little things and like kind of see
• 1:53:23
  where they're coming from.
• 1:53:24
  And then you realize that it's all just coming from limiting beliefs that are not even yours.
• 1:53:29
  so now you just have to kind of i don't think we because i think sometimes we're like so ready to
• 1:53:36
  like get rid get rid like remove remove i want to remove this limiting belief but just replace it
• 1:53:41
  with something and the more you replace it with something now this thing is not coming up as as
• 1:53:47
  much as it used to because now you believe that you do deserve to have this you do deserve to hold
• 1:53:54
  this amount, you do deserve to have a caring partner.
• 1:53:58
  You do deserve to have a family that
• 1:53:59
  supports you in everything that you do.
• 1:54:01
  And the more you do that, I think that's the more you
• 1:54:06
  actually get in touch with your soul and what you're really here to do.
• 1:54:16
  Wow.
• 1:54:16
  There was so much potency, so much wisdom and insight that description.
• 1:54:22
  Thank you for
• 1:54:23
  sharing that vulnerably around your nervous system feeling activated by the fact that there
• 1:54:29
  was an abundance that you had been more attuned to the scarcity of like you said the unfamiliar
• 1:54:34
  yeah the chaos the familiar chaos over that it's such a great it all ties back also to
• 1:54:39
  your self-concept invitations around what is a limiting belief okay the expansive belief is
• 1:54:45
  it is safe to hold large amounts of money money loves me whatever you need to believe and then
• 1:54:49
  the repetition that you brought us into before because I'm sure so many people can resonate with
• 1:54:54
  that and it links to the lottery and how people just spend it all because their nervous system or
• 1:54:59
  their their whole experience hasn't expanded to hold yes just one thing to receive and it's like
• 1:55:05
  sabotaging an amazing relationship oh they treat me so well let me crawl as chaos where's the drama
• 1:55:10
  exactly and I think sorry um I think with that we it's not even you're not even conscious of the
• 1:55:18
  fact that you're sabotaging it you're just like and you're not you don't really realize that the
• 1:55:24
  reason why you're acting like that is because you're not used to this thing exactly you know
• 1:55:28
  that's why you start picking fights because your body is just like as soon as we can get back to
• 1:55:33
  normal setting we're gonna be fine so pick a fight if we break up it's fine i used to have this thing
• 1:55:38
  where like when i'm in a relationship if we fight have an argument i wouldn't even want to get into
• 1:55:44
  the argument i'd be like it's fine we can break up and it's over like the little things and it
• 1:55:49
  was so crazy for me how i could do that i was like what is that and then i realized that and i
• 1:55:55
  always did it to the most amazing people and i was just like oh man it's because my body was just
• 1:56:02
  like no we're not safe here let's let's get out and i'm i'm so happy that i got into this path
• 1:56:10
  um I was yeah on the path of finding myself and then I got into a relationship and it
• 1:56:15
  it kind of came up a little but I was able to catch it because I was conscious of it you know
• 1:56:22
  and I was able to be like okay no I'm safe here it's okay you know I'm not in danger and I think
• 1:56:28
  that has been the most beautiful thing that is so scrumptious oh my word oh I love that I'm so
• 1:56:33
  happy that you caught it and it's like you said we're always creating I choose to consciously
• 1:56:37
  create.
• 1:56:38
  I love this.
• 1:56:39
  Oh my word.
• 1:56:39
  There's so many things that I want to pick up and go on, but I
• 1:56:42
  want to shift into our closing before they say that it's our time.
• 1:56:47
  It is our time, but this has
• 1:56:48
  been amazing.
• 1:56:49
  The two hours have flown by.
• 1:56:50
  Yes.
• 1:56:51
  I'm going to quickly wrap up with our Soul Salon
• 1:56:53
  closing.
• 1:56:53
  So the invitation is just to finish these sentences in one to two sentences, and then we
• 1:56:58
  will close.
• 1:56:59
  And then you can also let us know at the end of that, where we can find you online.
• 1:57:02
  Okay.
• 1:57:03
  Wonderful.
• 1:57:03
  Okay.
• 1:57:04
  So the first question is,
• 1:57:06
  one illusion that we tend to believe is that you have to be healed for you to get whatever you want
• 1:57:15
  something i find sacred that a lot of people don't is taking a deep break and grounding myself
• 1:57:23
  yeah related to that the most sacred part of my life right now is
• 1:57:30
  I think it's the mirror work I do in the morning oh I love it what is that um so I have this list
• 1:57:39
  it's a permission uh is it permission slips by Bashar oh I love that exactly so um so every day
• 1:57:46
  there's something that you do so on Mondays I can remember the Mondays one because it's just
• 1:57:51
  take a deep breath and say these affirmations so I am worthy I'm unique um I think the other one
• 1:57:58
  enough so saying these things and seeing how i actually believe them so beautiful saying these
• 1:58:05
  affirmations and seeing how i actually believe them and there was a previous version of you who
• 1:58:09
  didn't exactly oh my word that is beautiful okay we'll link to that so it's called bashar's morning
• 1:58:14
  i think it's the 49 day challenge yeah perfect we'll try we'll link to that below the bashar
• 1:58:20
  i love that your mirror work is one of the most sacred aspects of your life right now
• 1:58:24
  Okay.
• 1:58:25
  Number three is one thing that I am no longer available for is.
• 1:58:31
  Things that don't align with the higher self.
• 1:58:35
  If you only take one thing from this conversation, listener, viewer, it would be, I hope.
• 1:58:40
  It would be that nothing is ever unrealistic, especially when it comes to your dreams.
• 1:58:47
  They're never unrealistic just because you've never seen anyone in your family have it does not
• 1:58:52
  mean automatically that you're not going to get it.
• 1:58:55
  Just believe that you're going to get it and you're going to get it.
• 1:58:58
  Because if the desire exists, yes, it's this beautiful spiral that, oh, yes, yes, yes.
• 1:59:04
  I love that.
• 1:59:06
  Never too delusional.
• 1:59:07
  Be more delusional.
• 1:59:08
  And I love what you're saying about just because you've never seen it in your family or in
• 1:59:11
  your community does not.
• 1:59:12
  You can be the change and people are going to look at you and be like, wow, that was
• 1:59:16
  possible.
• 1:59:17
  Yes.
• 1:59:17
  And dream even further than that.
• 1:59:18
  So you are expander.
• 1:59:20
  We need you to believe in big dreams.
• 1:59:21
  Absolutely.
• 1:59:22
  Wonderful.
• 1:59:23
  And then last question is, if my younger self, my inner child, walked through that door,
• 1:59:28
  I would say to her, you're going to get everything that you desire.
• 1:59:35
  Oh, wow.
• 1:59:36
  Oh, my word.
• 1:59:37
  Snow, this has been incredible.
• 1:59:39
  Where can people tap into your frequency, your writing, your work?
• 1:59:43
  How can they stay in touch with you?
• 1:59:45
  Right now, I'm mostly writing on Substake and Medium.
• 1:59:49
  it's at soabysoflowy
• 1:59:51
  I'm obsessed with this name
• 1:59:52
  I've been thinking about it all day
• 1:59:54
  I had to tell you it's amazing
• 1:59:56
  it's so much fun to say
• 1:59:57
  I love it so much
• 2:00:00
  because I think it ties into the ebb and flow of life
• 2:00:02
  you know that's just what my writing is about
• 2:00:05
  so it's soabysoflowy
• 2:00:07
  on Substack
• 2:00:08
  and on Medium
• 2:00:09
  and then
• 2:00:12
  you can find just for funsies
• 2:00:14
  you can find me on Instagram
• 2:00:16
  it's at bigdaddysnowy
• 2:00:18
  my name is
• 2:00:20
  on Instagram
• 2:00:23
  so you can find me there I'm not
• 2:00:24
  on TikTok yet
• 2:00:27
  and I'm hoping to expand
• 2:00:29
  to YouTube and maybe have
• 2:00:31
  like also a podcast
• 2:00:32
  but yeah you guys are going to be
• 2:00:35
  the first to know when I finally do that
• 2:00:37
  well it's all happening
• 2:00:38
  we are so ready to receive
• 2:00:41
  it's all happening you will have all those things
• 2:00:43
  and I just love So Ebby So Flowey
• 2:00:45
  I love the ebb and flow and I also love how
• 2:00:47
  playful and pleasurable and fun it is to just say the word absolutely so ebby so flowy i'm like oh
• 2:00:52
  my word this could be the name of anything like as in you can continue to name your work this
• 2:00:57
  because it's so much fun absolutely that viral contagious delicious feeling and then also the
• 2:01:02
  resonance with the soul of like we are tidal we are cyclical we ebb we float so that's wonderful
• 2:01:07
  we will link to all of your work below thank you so so much it's been such a gift speaking to you
• 2:01:13
  learning from you, learning with you?
• 2:01:15
  Are there any closing feelings you're leaving the space with?
• 2:01:19
  I just want to let everybody know how amazing your energy is.
• 2:01:24
  I feel like you get it when you're
• 2:01:25
  listening to the podcast, but when you actually experience it in person, I feel so comfortable.
• 2:01:32
  It's been so amazing.
• 2:01:33
  I can't even tell that it's been two hours.
• 2:01:35
  Oh my goodness.
• 2:01:36
  It feels like it
• 2:01:36
  only has been five minutes and it feels like it can go on and on and on because of how safe it is.
• 2:01:42
  And I wish you all the best in everything that you want.
• 2:01:46
  And I want you to know that you're going to achieve even bigger things and that it's already there.
• 2:01:51
  And I love it for you.
• 2:01:52
  And my goodness, your energy is amazing.
• 2:01:55
  This is such a safe space.
• 2:01:57
  It feels so safe and so beautiful.
• 2:01:59
  Thank you so much.
• 2:02:00
  Oh, my word.
• 2:02:00
  I received that.
• 2:02:01
  Thank you.
• 2:02:02
  Thank you.
• 2:02:02
  Oh, that feels so good to hear you say that.
• 2:02:05
  Oh, my word.
• 2:02:05
  I'm going to receive that.
• 2:02:06
  I appreciate that so, so deeply.
• 2:02:08
  Oh, I feel my energy.
• 2:02:11
  Thank you.
• 2:02:11
  Oh my word.
• 2:02:12
  Thank you so much for those wonderful magical words.
• 2:02:15
  I'm going to listen to that again
• 2:02:16
  and again, because that feels so divine to receive.
• 2:02:19
  I feel so grateful to have been in
• 2:02:20
  conversation with you and I trust this is not the last time.
• 2:02:23
  So, um, I hope so too.
• 2:02:25
  Yes.
• 2:02:25
  Thank you
• 2:02:26
  so much.
• 2:02:26
  I'll see you soon.
• 2:02:28
  Thank you so much everyone for listening, for watching.
• 2:02:31
  If this
• 2:02:31
  resonated with your spirit, please share it with someone who may delight in the juiciness of this
• 2:02:35
  wisdom and make sure to go and visit.
• 2:02:38
  So Ebi, so flowy, the sub stack where it all happens.
• 2:02:41
  and we are so excited that we get to continue to witness and experience and receive the juicy the
• 2:02:47
  abundant wisdom of this sensational being by my side here i'm so proud to have made this episode
• 2:02:53
  one of my favorite and quantum moments where it feels exactly like the vision i had for this space
• 2:02:59
  and for the soul salon so i'm so grateful to you and i will see you thank you so much we'll see you
• 2:03:03
  on the next soul session.
• 2:03:05
  I love you.
• 2:03:06
  Bye.
• 2:03:07
  My darling, my love, my soul sibling, thank you
• 2:03:11
  for stepping into the soul salon.
• 2:03:13
  If you are still hearing or watching this, we are soul siblings.
• 2:03:16
  We are resonating on the same frequency.
• 2:03:18
  And so something you may struggle with that I struggle
• 2:03:21
  with is the fear of being seen.
• 2:03:23
  You know, that visibility is involved in you living your creative
• 2:03:27
  purpose and being in your power, serving the collective through your gifts, through your magic,
• 2:03:33
  through your medicine in order to do that you know you need to be more seen than you are allowing
• 2:03:38
  yourself to be right now i have a gift just for you heart made for us on this frequency and it is
• 2:03:46
  a free ebook called the soulful visibility guide that is soulful visibility like we don't just want
• 2:03:52
  to be seen we want to be felt we want to be heard we want to move and be moved so i do have a free
• 2:03:58
  gift for you and all you need to do is go to my website i understood.com and there you will be
• 2:04:05
  able to input your email address and receive this directly to your inbox this is such a juicy and
• 2:04:11
  delicious guide and i change the free offering every few months so you know get it while you can
• 2:04:17
  all the links are in the show notes so thank you so much i love you and i will see you on the next
• 2:04:22
  soul session okay i love you bye