Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 27. Ruler for a Day & Eric Cartman vs. Forrest Gump (Feat. Nathan Scammell, Author of Escape from Arcadia)

Transcript

Episode 27. Ruler for a Day & Eric Cartman vs. Forrest Gump (Feat. Nathan Scammell, Author of Escape from Arcadia) · High n' Dry Podcast

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Have to like we're gonna have to take some promo.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: Should we take a picture in front of the screen?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, we'll do it like we did with the last one.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah, sure.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: We'll we want to pump your old episode too.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: We want to push like your old the your first episode and we'll get we'll get some extra promo out there.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, cool.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: But uh so alright.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: My wife listened to that episode and she was like, I never realized how closely the Predator and and Lelo and Stitch storylines were related.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: They're like the same damn guy.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: The same fucking story.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Just from two different perspectives.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: If you find the predator cute, you're watching the same fucking movie.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: You guys ready to do this?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, let's do this.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast where we do all of our own stunts.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Ryan Barron North, Drunk Philosopher.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: With me as always, James Crosslin, our resident high philosopher.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on, James?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_04: Fuck.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: You know, as like, no, no, no.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm actually pretty happy.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: I finished a big project in my coding.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: So uh I got the comment uh that my that my program was unique and effective.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: Unique and effective.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_03: Which is a pretty good fucking compliment.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: Hell yeah.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: No, well congratulations.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: All right, all right.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: And uh joining us today, coming back for another round, we have Nathan Scammel, author of Escape from Arcadia.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Nathan, what's going on, man?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: How you been?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've been good.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: I've been good.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: I saw that uh I saw that cover of yours came out.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's pretty sexy right there.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: It was actually a it was actually a pre-made one that I found on someone's website, and but it it matched my story perfectly.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's awesome.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, it looks really good.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah.
• 2:09
  unknown: Nice.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: Describe it a little bit for our audience.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: We'll we'll include it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of it's it's basically a a man in a black coat cloak with a sword uh with all ships down the bottom.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it looks really good.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: It looks very professionally done.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's it's good work.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's good work.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Makes me want to read it.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Now, how much full frontal male nudity is in your novel?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um a little bit, a little bit.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Just a little, just a touch.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not too enough.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's that's not enough for us.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm afraid for himself.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's uh it's a young adult.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: Uh he's a young adult, so it's uh not too.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: Totally fair.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I get it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: I guess we'll still read it.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: Young adults live full frontal male nudity.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: I've asked plenty of.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: And that's why he's not around schools or I'll tell you what, you you buy my book and I'll send you some pictures of myself.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect deal.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody out there, make sure you message Nate and let him know you bought his book, include the receipt.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: You can use it.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And where can we find your OnlyFans?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thanks again for coming back on.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: It was great last time.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: It was gonna be great this time.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: And uh again, audience, thanks for tuning in again.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and remember, if you like us, please tune in, subscribe, tell your friends about us, play us in the background while you're fist fighting your stepdad.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, just get us out there.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we appreciate it.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, for those of you who are joining us for the first time, this is High and Dry Podcast.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: And how we do it on here is our episode starts off with a debate, discussion, a question.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about it, and then it devolves into a fist fight, as those things often do.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: But before we do that, first we gotta get a little drunk and we gotta get a little high.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: So, James, what are you smoking this week?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, this week I'm going back to an old favorite.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: I so I bought weed in like December.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: I haven't had to buy weed since.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: I smoke it every day.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: I just had a huge stockpile.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: So we're back with green crack again.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_03: But 420's coming up soon.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: The deals, the 420 deals.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'll have enough weed to the end of the year after 420.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: But we got green crack today again.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Very nice, very nice.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so, Nathan, uh, you're gonna be drinking with us.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: What are you drinking this week?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I've got some store brand uh vodka today.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Storebrand.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, yeah, store brand, the cheap stuff that puts hairs on your chest.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's what's up.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's what's up.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I'll be joining you drinking, and I'm gonna still be working on my Espalon tequila blanco.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: It makes them violent.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, we've discovered that.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: So that's pretty cool.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, we'll get a real fist fight later then.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just 80 proof tequila right there.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And uh yeah, it makes my answers to everything super aggressive.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna see what happens.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: So uh let's get them out, line them up.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: This first one.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: This first one is going out to Cher, ma'am.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let's call Urban.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: Stop toasting her, she'll keep coming back.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna get her.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then to our guest, Nathan.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: This one's to you.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, how's that vodka?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I don't know why, boy.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even like vodka.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: It was on the sail bin.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: You don't come on to hide and dry to enjoy yourself.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Every time I I take that first one, my body's like, oh, it's gonna be that kind of day.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: All right, let's line them up again.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So our second one.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: This one is going out to Ontario.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Ontario, one of our new listeners there.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: We got a bunch of them rolling in.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: So cheers.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers to the province of Ontario, Canada.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_04: Damn, he's going straight out the bottle.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: Guests go hard on high and dry.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no audience, you can't see it, but he was just chugging.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna get a good one today.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: All right, and Nathan, do you have a third toast for us?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh shit, yeah, I forgot.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: Uh right, let's see.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, fuck's sake.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to toast.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm going to toast uh to all my future customers who buy my book.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: Hey! Big toast to them.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, they're getting double, they're getting double good stuff.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: They're getting the book and a toast.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, cheers.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: To Nathan's fans.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: Oh fuck.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, God.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: Technically, you didn't say his fans, you just said people who buy his fans.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: Just if you buy the book.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Whether you like it or not, I don't give a shit.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: As long as you buy it, you've already bought it.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm all fool you.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't need you anymore.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_04: Oh shit.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_04: Oh boy.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_04: Oh god.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, everyone's a little drunk.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone's a little high.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Feeling good?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Feeling pretty good.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Got that vodka coursing its way through your blood now.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh boy.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so for this week, I got a fun little question for you guys.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm anxious to hear what you have to say.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, the question this week.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you were, it's gonna be the if you were king for a day question.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so James, if you were president, uh Nathan, if you were queen for the day, or however you guys do it over there, you you work off with like the emperor system, right?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: Uh we we kind of have a queen, but she doesn't do anything.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: So just figure out if people, if anyone out there hasn't seen Philosophy Tube and how everybody wants the only reason the queen's still at thing is because everyone wants to fuck the queen.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I think you should check it out.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: Definitely check it out.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_03: The entire country wants to fuck the queen, and it's the only reason she's still there.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so uh yeah, so Nathan, you managed to work your way into that whole thing, and you could lay down some royal edicts before she kicks you out that afternoon.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so there it is.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: So you have basically 24 hours in this position at the height of power um to try and do something with it.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm asking you guys, what do you do with those 24 hours?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Nathan, guests first, king for a day.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh real life purge.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: Start the verge for sure.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Start the purge.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: We've got 24 hours, all crime out of the window.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um although I would consider.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um I would so is it a rule that can only last for the 24 hours, or can the rule be in effect forever?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so after you leave, uh I guess the world kind of reverts back to how it is.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, those laws are still there, they were put in place, but they can be repealed.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, eventually they could be repealed and such like that.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: So for 24 hours, I would say that um I would kind of abolish money.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: No more money, no more currency.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: You can just go and take what you want.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, businesses will be reimbursed by the by the crown.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um start selling her silverware.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_03: Here's a chunk of Buckingham Palace to pay your debts.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then that's it.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so people can go out, they can get a good shop, they can go to the shop.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: There'll probably be riots and stuff, so we probably have to do the purge as well because you know, police while we're at it.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: It does happen naturally.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, and yeah, lots of people will have a good uh good food shop and probably a lot of new tellies.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all right, all right.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_03: Uh James, what about you?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uh president for the day.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: President for the day.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: It really sucks because president doesn't actually have that many powers.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like our so you're the secret dark lord of America for the day.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Am I the deep state?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: You are the American deep state for the day.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_03: Stupid.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so let's see.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm the deep state for the day, and anything I could do happens.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'd redistribute a lot of money.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's the first that's what I would do.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: I love I love Nate's idea of money doesn't matter, but we're about to, I know in 24 hours uh money's gonna suddenly matter again because a bunch of very rich people are gonna are gonna be shitty about it.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: And um so what I would do is I would redistribute as much money as fast as possible in the most available way to the people who need it.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: I would just all the money just I wouldn't think about it too much.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: I would get it all out there.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'd try to distribute it as I try to distribute it as appropriately as possible.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: But uh as long as they have it in their hands, that leaves everyone else with two options.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: Either come up with if they really don't want those people having money, then we have to come up with non-money solutions.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: Or they have to be like, we're definitely like uh propping up our power with violence.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like I know we've been doing it like in a in a really underhanded way for a long time, but they'd have to like come out really hard and be like, we this is all propped up by violence, you know.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: So either way, there's gonna be some reckoning after I leave, you know, a real reckoning.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna try to redistribute that.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I'll and then I'll redistribute all the property that the government owns to the people.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'll just give it to like random people.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like you own you own the Jefferson Monuments.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: All right, all right.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um so for me, I mean, the first thing I'm doing is I'm backing up a U-Haul to the White House, and I'm just fucking everything unloving it.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um pulling up a U-Haul to the White House, taking everything.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm going to steal the Constitution.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_03: Nicholas Cage already did it.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna go to Nicolas Cage and read the Constitution back.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um from his castle that got bankrupt that he lost in bankruptcy.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: Weird guy.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I uh I I would so I mean I think I'd be going the same track in kind of the same you know vein YouTube did.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm definitely gonna do some heavy wealth distribution, but and I don't know if this is just the tequila again.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um we have to add some violence to this.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: There'd be a little violence involved.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um I think you because you keep inviting Cherbeck that her ultraviolence is just rubbing off on you.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: It's just an aura that seeps out of her where she's just like where she encourages violence.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: That is true.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know, I mean her I mean her albums are the soundtrack to my life easily.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: If I could turn back time for sure.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I think that's but I mean I would do the wealth re redistribution and we're like, all right, we're going to every rich person's house, and then alright, I've backed U-Haul up to their homes, we've emptied it out.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'd look at my people, nod, you know, and there'd be like a bunch of like lights in the windows of their homes, and the camera pans, and you assume that he's dead.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: Not actually killing them, just a lot of assumptions.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: So so here's what I I I love that.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: I would add one condition to it is you give him the opportunity to be like, is being wealthy the only thing that matters to you?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: Are you willing to give up these things and like change your perspective, or do you refuse to give up the things?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: I would at least give them the choice first.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I would give them the choice and then have my guys kill him anyway.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Allegedly.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Allegedly.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like you should have thought about that.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: You should have thought about that.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: There was time.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: You could have given.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um Nathan, uh, what what are your thoughts?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: You so you're back here.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: So me, so while the United States is toppling because James and I have taken over over there in the UK, what what's happening?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Food riots.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, I'd probably be on a blimp with a kind of uh air cannon shooting out loads of money.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's how I would distribute the money.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's just shooting it out.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: And people so much better.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Just wearing the uh wearing the prince's old admiral jacket.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I'd have I'd have the crown on as well and a big spot.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: Shooting bales of cash out.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you should just do a t-shirt canon.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: A t-shirt and boom people are getting hit by like stacks of thousands.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh shit.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's crushed me, grandma, but you know, you're it's knock a four-year-old out and like, thank you.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: I like it.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a little apple of absurdism going as a money blimp is traveling across the land.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's pretty good though.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: That'd be pretty cool.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: That'd be incredibly cool.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: That'd be a wild night on the streets over there.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so James, any final thoughts?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: Uh Nate's idea is so good.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: I I would try as soon as I as soon as that happened in Britain, I'd be like, we need that.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_03: We need our we need our cannons, our cannon plans to shoot money.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: I was just gonna give people like EBT cards, but like this is so much better.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_03: Give people their their single-use Visa cards with the cash on them, but that's so what a better idea.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, because then you're still winding up paying Visa and the Visa guy's getting rich.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, definitely a t-shirt cannon of money.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, Gritty's gonna get the money on that one.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: That is so typically American as well.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, oh look, Britain's got an idea about a gun.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna do a bigger one.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna go hard.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna shoot more.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_03: He's using a cannon, is he?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: This is a howitzer modern day Rome up in here.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna steal all your stuff.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Nice, nice.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and uh so meanwhile, with me on the darker side of all this, um, I'm seeing you guys fucking around with cannons and shit.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: So, all right, so now, in order to compete, when it comes time to my 24-hour administration's executions of the ultra-wealthy, we're going to roll up a cannon.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta coat them in gold, take all the gold out of Fort Knox and then create statues out of them out of gold.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Just pour gold over them and they become the statue.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, I'm gonna roll up a cannon and like aim it at him and then like light the fuse.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Or fire them out of a cannon.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: We're not creative enough.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: This is the mind of a of a of a fantasy author who who got us cannon blimps, and we gotta take it.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I suppose you could put like the government in a sort of Hunger Games scenario.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, I yeah, drop them in the middle of a field, a couple of guns or a couple of weapons.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm sure you will have the same idea in a minute with bigger guns and bigger weapons.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God you said it.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, I'm just gonna give them I'm gonna give them tridents and nets.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Tridents and nets, yeah, there you go.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like nunchucks.
• 18:00
  unknown: Yeah.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, really make it entertaining.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, then you know, everyone who got hit by the t-shirt cannon earlier, you can come and watch the politicians fight hunger cannons.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: And whichever party wins, they get to stay in kind of government afterwards.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: So they're the whichever party wins, I'm gonna attack with the cannon.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: I got an idea.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_03: All of a sudden, we don't have to kill them.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_03: All we have to do is tell them that they're in charge of their own asylum, and then just let them do bureaucracy on themselves forever, and just keep them like be like status matters, and here's a fake token system that that shows your status, and then let them fucking fight over it and keep themselves busy with that.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: We created daycare for politicians, basically.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: Daycare for assholes.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: Nice, nice.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: What the fuck show are we doing anymore?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the anti-government hour.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_03: Anti-government, anti-rich people.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_03: This is me rubbing off.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't know.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_03: You've had you've had celerbies.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that being said, it's time to move on to the next portion of our show.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: We got a wonderful fist fight scheduled for you guys this week.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Before we do that, son of a bitch, it's time for more tequila and storm Brad and vodka.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: And James, I'm sure you're just having a great old time.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this is fantastic.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_03: I love green crack.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: All right, guys, line him up.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: James?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: Who's it to?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, I do remember this week.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: It is to Eric Cartman of South Park.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: And fuck, hold on, give me a second.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: He ran a lot.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: Box of chocolates and such.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: Who loves chocolates?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Forrest Gump.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: There it is.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: He doesn't love chocolates, he just gives them away.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: He just gives them away.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: Life is like this.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_03: Metaphors.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: He's the metaphors.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he's a metaphor guy.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, cool.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so perfect.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: So we have- I guess it's a simile, huh?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to embarrass myself.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the forest gump, and here's the Eric Cartman.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_03: I was a little bit conflicted about this one when I heard about it.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: Eric Cartman's like a straight-up psychopath.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_03: But I feel that Forrest Gump is gonna really level that out, just of his let's check it out.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, alright, so let's find out what happens.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, how we do this in Hunt and Dry, we have a patented three-round method to determine which of your characters are gonna kill the other one.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: We start with round one, where these characters have stepped into a Gen X fight club style basement.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: They've removed their shirts, their shoes, their belts, and they're just gonna beat each other to death.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: So gritty.
• 20:49
  unknown: I know.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Round two moves into a city view where we've zoomed out.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Both of these characters have received a manila envelope at their places of residence, and they now have access to items, their abilities, tactics, things like that.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: And it takes place over a you know a 24-hour period in a city view kind of deal.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then round three is the same thing as round two, except this time those characters get to bring a friend.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: So round one has begun.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: I need a break.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: Hold on, please.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_03: Just a second.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_03: I need to grab my water.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_03: I forgot.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: So when is your uh when's your thing coming out?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh 1st of May.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, dang, that's fast.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: So you're doing a self-publishing round?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now I saw you're doing a thing with uh Pro Writing Aid.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, I do a few things.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh uh, I got nominated as um author of the month for them.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: So how'd you do that?
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: You you you basically fill a form in.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: They look at it and decide who Interesting.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I paid however much and I I use Pro Writing Aid on my own stuff.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I'm hoping so that's gonna be finished.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um mine thing's gonna be finished in the first of May.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Ayy.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um but then I'm gonna try and I think I'm gonna try the traditional publishing route.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: Good luck.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: Why'd you go why'd you do it?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's uh I I wanted to go traditional at first, but the more I looked into it and the more I researched.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: The more I realized I didn't want it because they kind of take a lot of creative control and they kind of tell you what they want you to write.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't want to lose that bit.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: I mean you know, using them, you'll get better marketing and stuff.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then all you know, the editing and all that is free.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: But with self-publishing, I just I'm a bit of a control guy.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: I just wanted to keep control over it and kind of if I if I fail, I you know, is is my failure not.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: I won't be pissed off at someone else for fucking it up.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: That's a good point.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: It takes longer to go traditional, also.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm definitely much more of a whore than he is.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: So I um I switched I sent my thing to a couple of agents um probably about two or three months ago.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: And they've when I was I'm in an R in about whether traditional or self-pub, and they've only just started getting back to me now, sort of three months later.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Jesus.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: Where I've already made my mind up and my book's coming out in like a week or two.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's oh so you're just like why are you even talking to me?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was just kind of like, no, I'm not interested now, sorry.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh but they they came back positively?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh two two of them did, one of them didn't, yeah.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's really cool.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good that's a good fucking record.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's a good spread.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: I I was kind of pleased.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: I thought, you know, hopefully it bodes well for the book.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think that that's I in my opinion, that's a really good sign.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: I think you It's a great sign.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a really good sign.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: So damn.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: Two out two out of three people you sent it to 66%.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's especially when you have people who are marketing agents for fucking years and they get like nothing back.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: So that's pretty good.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: Good on you, man.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: Good on you.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm ex now I'm I'm excited to read it.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be cool.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be cool.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: So you guys good?
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: Good.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so round one has just begun.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Carl Urban and Cher have been escorted to the box seats.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um Cartman and Forrest Gump are getting ready to beat the fuck out of each other.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: Guests first.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: I shrink in core I shrink in fear from Cher.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Her shadow burnt.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um so Nathan, guests first.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Eric Cartman and Forrest Gump have just started punching each other to death.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: Who do you think is gonna change it?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: So um if if SciPark's thoughts anything is that Cartman cannot take a punch.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um I don't know how many episodes you've watched, but there's a few of them where Kyle just kind of taps him lightly and he cries for about five minutes.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: Forrest Gump is an adult, uh, he's an ex-army veteran, and it's true.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: He's got that kind of strength.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the strength of an adult man.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I think there's not much in this secluded area that Cartman can do to beat him.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, alright.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh James, thoughts?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_03: An adult man started beating on a child.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_03: An adult man started beating on a child.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: Well, but also in in South Park, Cartman, I there have been scenes where Cartman like jumps up and punches someone in an adult in the face and like knocks them out.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: He's like knocked out adults to do fucked up shit, do psychopath things with them because Cartman's a fucking psychopath.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_03: So here's my concern.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_03: My concern is that Forrest Gump wouldn't hit a child.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_03: My concern is that Forrest Gump wouldn't hit a child unless he was like, unless he was in a situation where he was made to.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: Now, does that does Cartman does Cartman knock him out in what at one point?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: Does Cartman get to hit him in the head?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's the real question.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_03: Is is Cartman has knocked out adults for theme by theme.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: He knocks people out so he can do his shit.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's a theme.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_03: Does he knock Forrest Gump out, or does Forrest Gump's like goodness and like his ability to get through anything?
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, because I mean, so for me, I mean, at the at that point, Forrest Gump has, in my opinion, the opposing theme of Cartman.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: I feel that they're both the uh paragon of their particular bullshit.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um Cartman is being like a totally uncontrolled psychopath.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_03: He's the paragon of that.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_03: And totally entitled narcissistic.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean Forrest Gump's entire story is just slicing through society's narcissism and you know, all of that in just in just the goodness of his heart.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so but I think that being said, would he start punching a child to death?
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, or would he leave?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_03: No, the rules.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: He doesn't need to punch him to death.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: Remember, it's if they can no longer fight.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: Well, how would he um well please he would totally cut through cart every time Cartman's narcissism is cut through, where he's shown that his like narcissism is unjustified, he collapses, right?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: He totally is that's what narcissists do when it when you point out that their narcissism isn't reality, is they just fucking break down.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: So that's what Forrest Gump does is Cartman goes and takes a swing at him, he's like, Whoa, kid, you're a child.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm not gonna hit you, kid.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: But then Cher is like, fucking fight.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, it's up to you guys.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um well and then the only other thing I would state um on my side of it is there was I have seen Cartman do some fighting before.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, do you guys rem happen to remember when he winds up fighting the um um when they they fight and it turned and they like disturbed opened the fight scene for them.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um there's been a few times where Cartman has shown that if he cuts the bullshit, he can fight.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, even him and Wendy when they fought, Wendy took it.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: No, Wendy beat him, didn't she?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: Wendy beat him, and I think that I think that Forrest is standing in Wendy's position, and we've seen how that goes.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Nathan, can I get your final thoughts in a vote?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I I think you know, it'd probably take him a while because he would try not to, but Cartman would just irritate the shit out of him to the point where he would just punch him.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: It would be a it would be a one-punch KO, I think.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm giving it to Corey.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: Giving it to Forrest.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_03: All right, James.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_03: I think I think Forrest would win just because he would be able to subdue Cartman.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_03: He'd be able to subdue him either either with his supreme like ability to cut through bullshit and be very good, or just by holding him down because he's a child.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I mean, like, I know Cher would demand blood.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um and so Cher would kill Forrest Gut for not spilling blood.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: So they both die.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: So um so I th yeah.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, I think uh in either case, whether you know Cher kills them both or just Forest wins, I think it's gonna go to Fer Forest.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: So Jenny's relying on me.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta kill this kid so I can get out of here.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: I have to go raise the AIDS, baby.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, uh yeah, I'm gonna go Forest.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: So round one goes to Forrest Gump.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: Congratulations, Forrest.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: That brings us into round two.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: So these characters are now in an environment that's good for both of them.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: So fucking Colorado.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, they've received manila envelopes that state they gotta take out this other person.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think we're gonna see some interesting stuff in this one.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: So round two, uh, characters have everything they can.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: Nate, uh, what do you think?
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so this one I think would change up a little bit because Forrest would read the note but wouldn't understand it.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_03: For sure.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_03: Totally what I was thinking.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, stupid is as stupid does.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um but um I think Cartman will probably before Cartman will probably uh invite him to a chili cook-off, and by the end of it, he'll be eating Jenny chili.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: And it will absolutely think of the same episode.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: So he would be chopping up Jenny, putting her in a chili, and then Forrest Gump would probably catch her aids and die slowly.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, alright.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um James?
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so yeah, I think Cartman, because he's just a supreme psychopath, he's able to manipulate people so effectively.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_03: Uh Forrest Gump also, I don't even know how well he he can read.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_03: You know, doesn't he have trouble reading at some points?
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, we we've had characters before who probably couldn't read at all.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: Bigfoot.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, fucking Bigfoot figured out the letter, so um that's true.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: So he reads English.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_03: He get he gets the letter and he's just like, this is too much for me.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_03: And and then Cartman's like, all right, so how do I kill this motherfucker?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like Cartman starts immediately planning, whereas Forrest Gump is like, I don't fucking know.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well then then so I think so.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: I do think so.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: Forrest Gump, he is he's literally a uh a nom veteran.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's seen like no bullshit combat.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but also Cartman has as well.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, even in the episode where he's trying to get to the heart of the hippie music festival, people are exploding everywhere.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Cartman has hired mercenaries before.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: He has hired mercenaries, it's true.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: I I think I think without a guiding force, so like in round three, if you know, not to jump the gun, but if Forrest gets someone who can focus Forrest, I think it's gonna change the story.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: But I think without that guiding force, um, his optimism and his just simplicity of his thoughts are going to be thwarted by the terribleness of that is Cartman.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: Truly a monster.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, um, Nathan, final thoughts and a vote.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, yeah, this time Cartman, because like I said, forced to be in that chili, um it will ruin him.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's got dark.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_03: Cartman is an incredibly dark character.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_03: The idea, the idea of someone who is a unabashed narcissist who is completely self-motivated, who does not face any kind of real repercussions for their actions at any point, is terrifying.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_03: That's incredibly fucking terrifying.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_03: It's probably something that we should think about more.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, and not to bring it back to our question in the beginning, but those are sound like exactly the people I want to hand our countries over to.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_03: They already have it, don't worry.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oi.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the political hour.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_03: Listen, sometimes it fucking goes that way.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_03: Not every episode is like this, but this is the shit we all have to deal with in our lives.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, well, well then, James, uh, final thoughts on the vote.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uh final thoughts.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_03: Cartman is a an uh an unredeemable person.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_03: Totally unredeemable.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that I think that um Forrest has never run up against a totally irredeemable person before.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that just couldn't couldn't handle it.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_03: I think that I think that he'd lose.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, and I I would say that just you know, even in the Forrest Gump movie, um, he doesn't counter you know the bad sides of things, but they're at the same time, though, they are still they're flawed, but fundamentally human, you know, and and the flawed is part of our nature.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: And the movie sort of explores how by you know looking at life more like forest, you can kind of slice through it.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but he never encountered a monster.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, a a straight up monster, and I think that's what's gonna happen in round two with Cartman.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_03: Um without like the laughs, without the like the jokes, Cartman, like that would be a fucking horror show.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_03: That would be a fucking horror show.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um and uh why are you making us watch this?
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of like Saved by the Bell.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_03: Have anybody ever watched Saved by the Bell?
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_03: Zach Morris is a fucking psychopath.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_03: And if you take the laugh track out, it's just him torturing this women, torturing this whole society of people trapped in the school.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like what's the he gets her, uh he gets that one girl addicted to uh diet pills and then uses them to get her to touch him.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but anyway.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, yeah.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I I think uh yeah, I think that well, I also like wonder like what does that say about us that we have a a world of people who like watch it and like Cartman rules?
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm personally I'm a Randy Marsh kind of guy myself, but um I I think though that we know yeah, Cartman's gonna Cartman's gonna take it.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: So all right, so there we have it.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Round two has gone to Cartman solidly, which brings us into round three.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: So now we have the same story.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um they're in that big open environment, they have access to everything that they have access to, everything that they can do.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_01: Now you know what's so funny?
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_03: We didn't even talk about the everything they had access to because it didn't really matter.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it didn't matter in the second round, like at all.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: Not at all.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: No, I mean, even if you gave Forest a you know uh weapons and things like that, he just wouldn't use them like that.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_03: He's not a strategic person.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so well, round three though, they have a friend, and this might change some stuff up.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: So uh what do you think, Nate?
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_02: Guess first, they who they bring and what happens.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so Forrest Gump would bring uh Lieutenant Dan, I think, because he needs that kind of focus, and Lieutenant Dan would give him the not the tools, but you know, the the drive to actually do something rather than just sit there and get tortured by this eight-year-old boy.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um that's a good point.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_02: But I think uh Cartman would probably kind of doesn't trust anybody, does he?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_02: He's kind of a loner, um, and he hates kind of Kyle and stuff.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I think he would bring uh Jennifer Lopez, his little you know, his little hand puppet.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and he would use he would use it to kind of seduce Lieutenant Dan and oh my god!
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_03: That would totally fucking work.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, that's such a great point.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_03: That would totally fucking work.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: So he would seduce Dan and Forest with with Miss Hennifer Lopez.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_02: She likes she likes tacos and burritos.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um I I watch a lot of both parks.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, my not my knowledge on this is pretty good.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um but yeah, I think I think that would be his way to victory here.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, all right.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um Lieutenant Dan is totally horny enough to do it for sure.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean I think it depends.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um well James, what are your thoughts?
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: What happens?
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: What goes down?
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_01: Who do they bring?
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_03: I think that I think that Lieutenant Dan was a great choice for Forrest Scout because he's like a um pragmatist, right?
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_03: It I would call Lieutenant Dan like a pragmatist, someone who is like willing to do what it whatever it takes.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: And he balances out Forrest, where Forrest drags him back into being good, and Lieutenant Dan drags Forrest back into being practical, right?
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_03: They try they balance each other out, which makes them effective at certain points.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um God, the Henfer Lopez part, like her her power is seducing guys who are like scum, right?
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_03: But and Lieutenant Dan is like scum.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_03: But also he's got Forrest there.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: So Forrest maybe pulls him back.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: They may be a little more united.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then for me, I would say that the only other so for both of them, I would just like to offer a alternative where maybe Cartman brings Cupid Cartman, and then what I could also see is that Forrest brings Jenny.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um and Jenny, who is so completely one step away from being Cartman herself, um, now she has Forrest there.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I don't have fucking time for this eight-year-old.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um Jenny.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_03: Are you gonna bring Jenny during her party years?
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_03: During when she was like really just didn't give a shit.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I I mean I would say even Jenny after the fact, where she's now seen a lot of stuff, she knows that you know Forrest is my only chance to get this done.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: I have to get this child raised, life didn't turn out how I wanted it to.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: Honey, go kill that eight-year-old, please.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'll kill him.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know what?
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'll kill him.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um so I just think maybe there's the option there.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, Cartman, um, if he doesn't bring Jennifer Lopez, um, we'll have Cupid.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: Or Tally.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: Or Tally.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_03: Tally Tally is my hero from South Park, obviously.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: But I feel that Tauley is now firmly in Randy Marsh's corner.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_03: Probably.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, all right.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, uh well, uh Nate, uh, what goes down?
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: Can I get your final thoughts?
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: Who brings who?
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: What happens, and then go ahead and give us a vote.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm conflicted, actually.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: You mentioned that Forrest would bring Jenny instead.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_02: But I do think that he wouldn't want to involve Jenny and he would bring Lieutenant Dan.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_02: I think he could win if he was with Jenny, but he wouldn't bring her.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_02: He'd bring Lieutenant Dan because that's like his mentor and his guy, his go-to guy.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um so it's downsides of being good, right?
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_02: That would be his downfall.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because if it would, you know, if Jenny said to him, you know, go kill that kid, okay, Jenny.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then fucking kill that kid, there'd be nothing he could do.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: Curve pomp him on the way to the bench where he waits for his boss.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, all right.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'll give it to Cartman.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, all right.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_03: I uh James.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_03: I think I think in this round, theme plays a big part.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that when Forrest Gump has the ability to assemble with another person, like to have a prop that goes along with his scene, that's a person, like he's able to accomplish anything, right?
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_03: He's the one he he continues driving forward when he has someone there, anyone, fucking anyone there, as long as there's another person, Forrest Gump carries on.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I think thematically uh he just takes it this round.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think that he would subdue Cartman in some other way, probably not killing him.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_03: But we said, as soon as they can't fight any anymore, all he has to do is use his power of being around people and having a sense of commute relationship with someone to cut through the narcissism and bullshit.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's why everyone loved the movie so much.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_03: It's because it's like you use the power of human connection to cut through bullshit.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_03: That's his whole power.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_03: I think he'd cut through Cartman's bullshit.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: This so we've had some tough ones before, and I'm starting to think that this one takes the kick when it comes to tough ones.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so I mean, I could I could see a scenario where Lieutenant Dan is getting sucked off by a child's hand.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: By a child's hand.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_03: Jesus Christ.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then I see like just Forrest fucking power sprinting through explosions from Cartman's mercenaries, and he's just gotta stop Lieutenant Dan from getting this hand job.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so I I could see scenarios like that.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and but then I see that Jenny being like the I don't know.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's that brings up like, what the fuck were they trying to say in that movie about Jenny?
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, just that that she's just this unstoppable dark sort of force that you know warms her way back in.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_03: That's what you think they were trying to say?
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_03: I think they were trying to say that everybody makes mistakes.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's what they were trying to say was everybody makes mistakes.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_03: You saw it a totally different way tonight.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: I I saw it as like no matter how good you are, darkness will find you.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_03: That's terrible.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_02: I I I thought he was just saying, if you run, all your problems will be solved.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_03: If you run, your your childhood girlfriend will get AIDS and die.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: She'll have no choice.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um he could run away from anything except for the AIDS.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_01: I so I what what I see happening here, um, and I I we we may have to do just one more run around to see if you guys change it all.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think we might be on a tie.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_03: You think this might be the first high and dry tie high and tie?
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_03: I think this might be a high and tie.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think that what we have here is the immovable object against the unstoppable force.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um Cartman's been defeated before.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_03: Cartman has been defeated before by he's also been made to look a fool and then his plans collapse whenever he's made a fool.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_03: He kind of suffers the Rick Sanchez problem, where the narcissism gets in the way.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's the downfall.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's their ultimate downfall.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um but I mean, and then the same token, you would now have Forest Cut and Grass for Jenny.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_01: He always gets through.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's what he wanted.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's what he wanted.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_03: See, you're judging success the wrong way.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_03: That's fucking what he wanted.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's a good point.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good point.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_01: Nate, I have to add.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have anything else to say to sway me?
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'll give you everything.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, then I'm going with Forrest.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_03: Nate, by the rules of the podcast, you always believed that Forrest won this one.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: So round three has gone to Forrest Gump, which gives round one forest, round two, Cartman, and then round three in a super fucking tough match, went to Forrest.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: And Forrest takes it two out of three.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_01: Congratulations, Tom Hanks, because you don't have enough.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I I hope this gets your career back in order.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_01: I hope this gets you back on track, Tom Hanks.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, don't fuck this up.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_03: Putting our names on the line for you, buddy.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_01: So now we got the scars guards.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_01: You defeated that eight-year-old child.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_01: Congratulations.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_01: So there it is, folks.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: You heard it here.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's now irrevocable, and we know what happens.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: So um at the so again, Nathan, thank you for joining us.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, where can we find you?
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_02: Uh you can find me on Twitter at NathScam.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: You can find me on Instagram, Nathan Scammel Author, or you can find me on Facebook at uh facebook.com slash Nathanonwriting.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: Fantastic.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: And that book, uh, what when is your book coming out?
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's coming out first of May, Escape from Arcadia.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: Make sure to check that out.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_01: And uh we're hoping over here at High and Dry there's a free copy on the way.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_03: No, we're gonna pay for it.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_03: We'll we'll pay.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_03: We'll pay.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna buy it.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna be we're gonna try to be the first people to buy your book.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'll send you, I'll I'll send you my full frontal noodle.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_02: Uh all right.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_01: I guess we'll take that.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_02: I guess we'll take that as a thank you.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it was bigger than I thought.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thanks again, man.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: We really appreciate it.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna check out that book May 1st.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Nathan Scammel, Escape from Arcadia.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, James, where can you find us?
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_03: You can find us at high and dry pod on Twitter.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_03: You can find us at high and dry podcast on Instagram, you can find Ryan at RyanBarron North.com.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_03: You can find him on Twitch at Barron underscore north.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_03: You can find me on uh I'm not no not Twitch.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_03: We do have high and dry does have a Twitch now.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_03: High and Dry has a Twitch now.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna be coming out with a 420 special on my Twitch stream.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and we're gonna get a built-in audience, thank God.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm gonna get super fucking toasted.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_03: Be there, 420 on Twitch, noon PST.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah, Nathan, if you got nothing going on, um noon PST.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_01: So that's that's gonna be 8 o'clock for you on Tuesday.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, High and Dry on Twitch is having a 420 special.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um and if we see you on there, we're definitely gonna pull you into it.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_01: We're doing a whole show live.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna do the whole bit, you know, people could pay to make us drink, that sort of thing.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, awesome.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be there.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds good, man.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_01: We can't wait to see you.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so right after this, James and I were going to be hosting the James Crosslin After Party.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: You can catch that on our new Patreon.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck yeah, Patreon.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're all over the fucking place.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_01: Nathan, thanks again.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you very much.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: You guys take it easy out there.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_01: We'll see you next week.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: See ya.