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How “Broken D**ks” Healed Her Trauma With Her Father - Seriously! · Sex, Lies, and Spray Tans

0:14
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome back to I Do Part two. It
0:16
Speaker 1: is your celebrity mentor Cheryl Burke, and today I have
0:19
Speaker 1: a wild story to unpack with my guests. Somehow, I
0:23
Speaker 1: don't know how, but she went from acting to working
0:25
Speaker 1: with men who have a rectile dysfunction two writing a memoir,
0:31
Speaker 1: A lot to unpack, to say the least, her memoir
0:34
Speaker 1: You Don't Know Dick, is out June thirtieth.
0:37
Speaker 2: Please welcome Christina Den to the pod.
0:40
Speaker 1: Okay, so we obviously have a lot to talk about.
0:44
Speaker 1: I mean talk about like a hook, right when it
0:47
Speaker 1: comes to your book, it's a hook in itself.
0:50
Speaker 2: So you were an actress first.
0:52
Speaker 1: Right, and now you have written a book and you've
0:57
Speaker 1: gotten into screenwriting as well. But you basically started working
1:00
Speaker 1: with men who had a rectile dysfunction.
1:03
Speaker 2: How did that happen? And how did you just fall
1:05
Speaker 2: into place? There?
1:07
Speaker 3: Not naturally not a natural segue, right, It's like, how
1:11
Speaker 3: would you go from this to this? So, as many
1:14
Speaker 3: people probably know actors, you know, we have to have
1:16
Speaker 3: a lot of day jobs, right to get by between gigs.
1:19
Speaker 3: And my friends were opening a wellness center in la
1:23
Speaker 3: and asked me if I would help them be the
1:25
Speaker 3: office manager, and I said absolutely, and we were doing
1:27
Speaker 3: ivy nutrition, cryotherapy, you know, all the things that La
1:31
Speaker 3: wellness centers offer. But the problem is is that there's
1:34
Speaker 3: so many of them here. They're so competitive. It's like
1:36
Speaker 3: there's one in every strip mall, and so they're like,
1:40
Speaker 3: how are we going to make money and survive? So
1:42
Speaker 3: the owner, the mail owner of this couple, here's this
1:44
Speaker 3: Joe Rogan podcast talking about this service for reptil a
1:47
Speaker 3: dysfunction and it's non invasive and so you know, you
1:51
Speaker 3: don't necessarily have to be a licensed medical professional to
1:54
Speaker 3: do it, and it was his solution to saving the clinic.
1:58
Speaker 3: And so he approached me as I'm like holding towels
2:00
Speaker 3: for the cryod therapy machine day, and I was like,
2:02
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Like my comedian brain was like did you
2:05
Speaker 3: just say that? Like we're going to be dick fixers?
2:07
Speaker 3: Like I don't know how to process this right, Like
2:09
Speaker 3: it was so at the time so hilarious to me
2:12
Speaker 3: to either the idea that this existed. And so next
2:17
Speaker 3: thing I know, it's like I'm on a plane to Tucson,
2:20
Speaker 3: Arizona to get certified. And the only reason I said yes,
2:23
Speaker 3: is because fascination. I needed more money. They were going
2:26
Speaker 3: to pay me more, and you know, I was like
2:28
Speaker 3: I can handle something like this. I'm mature enough, right,
2:31
Speaker 3: And so you know, little did I know there's an
2:33
Speaker 3: entire industry out there that is, you know, doctors are
2:36
Speaker 3: paying their mortgages for solutions for retail dysfunction. And so
2:40
Speaker 3: this was innovative, groundbreaking way to go without having to
2:44
Speaker 3: do pills and injections and all these other things guys
2:47
Speaker 3: have been doing for years.
2:48
Speaker 2: Right, what did that entail? Like this sort of certification
2:52
Speaker 2: of Yes, it was like this day.
2:55
Speaker 3: Long seminar Intoucson where we're staring at cross actions of
3:00
Speaker 3: male anatomy blown up on this projector. And of course
3:03
Speaker 3: I'm like giggling and I'm looking around. I'm like, oh,
3:05
Speaker 3: they take it very seriously. I'm the only like immature
3:08
Speaker 3: person here that's not a medical professional, right, And I
3:12
Speaker 3: you know, I studied theology in college, so it wasn't
3:14
Speaker 3: completely foreign to me, but it was still just like
3:17
Speaker 3: this is wild. And then we had to practice on
3:20
Speaker 3: two different volunteers. So we had to use this device
3:24
Speaker 3: that looks like a gun. It's like a space ship,
3:26
Speaker 3: like a futuristic looking gun and put it onto the
3:29
Speaker 3: men's you know part, and it was like all around,
3:32
Speaker 3: all around, underneath, everywhere. So this wasn't just you know,
3:36
Speaker 3: the member, it was it was so foreign to me,
3:40
Speaker 3: Like I just kept feeling like I was watching myself
3:42
Speaker 3: have this out of body experience. And so after that
3:46
Speaker 3: we were technically certified and came back to LA and
3:50
Speaker 3: two weeks later I had my first client.
3:52
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.
3:54
Speaker 1: Okay, so what do you think, I guess is the
3:56
Speaker 1: most shocking thing that you can think of that women
3:58
Speaker 1: would find surprising about men and their penises?
4:02
Speaker 3: You know, I think listen, I was. I was one
4:05
Speaker 3: of these women that went into this again thinking this
4:07
Speaker 3: was a joke. It was like, of course, old dudes
4:09
Speaker 3: just want to like keep their penises hard forever, like
4:11
Speaker 3: this is I was in the school of thought of
4:14
Speaker 3: like ewgross, like of course they're pervs, right, like this
4:16
Speaker 3: is where meat for sure. The fact that I was
4:21
Speaker 3: then like a few months in after I kind of
4:22
Speaker 3: got over the silliness of it, I started fosnessing something
4:26
Speaker 3: that I didn't even know men were capable of, which
4:28
Speaker 3: was deep, deep levels of shame. Oh, like so much
4:33
Speaker 3: shame when it comes to this part of their body
4:35
Speaker 3: not working. And that could be because it's how they
4:38
Speaker 3: define their manhood, right, it's this of what makes them
4:41
Speaker 3: a man. And if they're not able to perform, well
4:44
Speaker 3: then what are they?
4:45
Speaker 1: Right?
4:46
Speaker 3: And so, my gosh, this was this most insane kind
4:50
Speaker 3: of almost like spiritual classroom into the male vulnerability like
4:54
Speaker 3: crisis of I have all these feelings, I have nowhere
4:57
Speaker 3: for them to go because society doesn't let me express
5:00
Speaker 3: them safe, safely and welcomely. Right, I was so my
5:04
Speaker 3: brain was so scrambled and transformed after that. So I think,
5:08
Speaker 3: like women, I can't imagine I'm much different than most
5:11
Speaker 3: women where when you have I had a front row
5:13
Speaker 3: seat to male shame and I didn't have that possible,
5:17
Speaker 3: I think. So there's so much in my book that
5:20
Speaker 3: I'm trying to sort of cover about this, to to
5:23
Speaker 3: sort of open the conversation, to to shed light on
5:27
Speaker 3: this very normal yet super you know, taboo topic that
5:33
Speaker 3: of sexual dysfunction.
5:34
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, so yeah, for real, for real, Well, why
5:40
Speaker 1: do you think men in general connect their manhood to
5:43
Speaker 1: their penises, because we don't do that with our vaginas.
5:46
Speaker 3: No, we don't we definitely don't. I think, oh my gosh,
5:49
Speaker 3: I feel like it's like so much of it is.
5:52
Speaker 3: It could be a combination of physiological drive, societal expectations.
5:57
Speaker 3: They think women have on them.
5:58
Speaker 2: They think, yeah, that they're cold.
6:01
Speaker 3: This is what makes you a man, right, right, Like
6:03
Speaker 3: the better more money, right, Like it's like they define
6:08
Speaker 3: they have these like checkboxes of what make them a man,
6:11
Speaker 3: and this is such a huge part of that. And
6:14
Speaker 3: when it's broken, it's like it it doesn't matter how
6:17
Speaker 3: much money you have, right, I saw listen, I saw
6:20
Speaker 3: men from the ages of eighteen to eighty. I saw
6:23
Speaker 3: eighteen motorcycle accident. Right, there's all these things we don't realize, like, oh,
6:29
Speaker 3: it can break, Like I.
6:30
Speaker 2: Didn't know, Oh it can break.
6:32
Speaker 3: I didn't know it could break. It can break for
6:35
Speaker 3: physical injury, sex accidents. There's so many things that cause
6:39
Speaker 3: like scar tissue build up and then it goes crooked.
6:42
Speaker 3: Like there's so many different things that deform and make
6:46
Speaker 3: the thing not function properly.
6:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a muscle, right, Like, I guess it's the
6:49
Speaker 2: same thing, and they call it.
6:50
Speaker 3: I guess they call it an organ, but it feels
6:53
Speaker 3: down more like it. Yeah, there's muscles that are around
6:57
Speaker 3: the area that help. But it's yeah, so I was
7:00
Speaker 3: just the insight. I was like, man, they I have
7:03
Speaker 3: this line in the book where I'm like, man, do
7:04
Speaker 3: men go to more extreme links to save their dicks
7:06
Speaker 3: than we do to save our faces? Like you know
7:08
Speaker 3: what I mean? Because I'm like, maybe, like maybe it's.
7:11
Speaker 2: There skincare for their.
7:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's like so there's botox. Now there's like all
7:19
Speaker 3: kinds of testicles like I've heard. We didn't do that,
7:22
Speaker 3: but I heard all these things. We actually also offered
7:25
Speaker 3: pea shots, which is PRP and we know what Vieyes, right,
7:30
Speaker 3: So spinning your blood, getting the platelets, all the beautiful
7:34
Speaker 3: plasma that helps heal, and you stick it in.
7:37
Speaker 2: There, it means your penis age backwards.
7:39
Speaker 3: It's like let's reverse. Yeah, let's keep it, keep it
7:42
Speaker 3: nice and does it work caculation? It does. Now, granted
7:47
Speaker 3: I'm not again, I'm not a medical professional. If you
7:49
Speaker 3: are somebody who has you know, diabetes, high cholesterol, things
7:52
Speaker 3: that are already compromising calculation, it's going to be a
7:56
Speaker 3: more difficult road. But yes, it was. It wasn't like
7:59
Speaker 3: a permanent thing, but it was something that you. It's
8:02
Speaker 3: like a preventative thing. It can help, like.
8:04
Speaker 2: For us, like for PRP when we do PUP.
8:06
Speaker 1: That's why you do it. You want to do it
8:08
Speaker 1: the not the younger younger, but like you know, you
8:10
Speaker 1: want to do it as a preventative thing, not.
8:13
Speaker 2: Just not going to work.
8:14
Speaker 3: Delay the night, right, yeah, not take it away, but
8:17
Speaker 3: delay the indevitable.
8:29
Speaker 1: So when these men walk into the room and they
8:31
Speaker 1: see you're beautiful, you know obviously. And I remember my
8:34
Speaker 1: stepdad saying this to me recently. I think he got
8:38
Speaker 1: he had to.
8:38
Speaker 2: Get checked right, it was like a physical or whatever,
8:41
Speaker 2: and he was like.
8:42
Speaker 1: This woman was just so beautiful, this nurse and like
8:45
Speaker 1: she had to like feel my balls basically, and like
8:47
Speaker 1: how do they do at first? Do they become defensive
8:51
Speaker 1: or are they just right away vulnerable?
8:53
Speaker 3: All of it? Honestly, I saw it all. I definitely
8:56
Speaker 3: there were men that blatantly looked at me and said, no,
9:00
Speaker 3: you're not treating me, like before their pants are off,
9:03
Speaker 3: obviously they were.
9:03
Speaker 2: Like I get it, I get it.
9:05
Speaker 3: And but owners are like, look like this is La.
9:07
Speaker 3: She's our old like she's our technician. And so after
9:11
Speaker 3: they kind of got over themselves you know, I definitely
9:13
Speaker 3: got the peacock and you're like, oh, what is your
9:14
Speaker 3: boyfriend think of?
9:15
Speaker 2: There?
9:16
Speaker 3: Was your husband like just trying.
9:17
Speaker 2: To Are they trying to hit on you when you're
9:19
Speaker 2: trying to do this?
9:19
Speaker 3: On this I honestly had only one guy out of
9:23
Speaker 3: I think almost four hundred guys. I treated one guy
9:25
Speaker 3: be weird with me and like kind of pervert, No,
9:28
Speaker 3: tell me what a good job I was doing. And
9:30
Speaker 3: I was like he was not welcome back. But honestly,
9:32
Speaker 3: they're they're in such a vulnerable position, right, and they're
9:35
Speaker 3: coming in like, Hi, my manhoods that compromise and it
9:38
Speaker 3: can you help me? They don't have it in them
9:41
Speaker 3: to like then also hit on Like there's no way
9:44
Speaker 3: that was happening, right, Thank God for me.
9:46
Speaker 1: But yeah, so why do you do you think that
9:50
Speaker 1: like a lot of these men, you know, there's this whole,
9:53
Speaker 1: like you said earlier, with the size of their penis
9:55
Speaker 1: and all of that.
9:56
Speaker 2: Why is that? So? Why does that define a man
10:00
Speaker 2: and a man's hood? I guess so much.
10:02
Speaker 1: Because like I honestly don't think every woman cares about
10:05
Speaker 1: the size, Like I really don't know.
10:07
Speaker 3: No, And you know, it's something that's interesting that I've
10:09
Speaker 3: been like, you know, I resource this a while back.
10:11
Speaker 3: But like women, we all have different sizes too. Inside
10:14
Speaker 3: you you are different shapes, different sizes, different.
10:17
Speaker 2: As Absolutely you can only fit in so much, if
10:19
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
10:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's not like a universal vagina that men are
10:23
Speaker 3: all trying to like live up too, you know. So
10:26
Speaker 3: there's not a universal dick side color anything, right, And
10:29
Speaker 3: I I did not have a clue how much variety
10:32
Speaker 3: there was until of course I was witnessing it. But
10:34
Speaker 3: it was just yeah, it makes me really sad that
10:37
Speaker 3: there's still that same thing out there in society that's
10:41
Speaker 3: like all bigger, but you know, and it's like, man,
10:43
Speaker 3: can we just like drop that already? Like it's actually
10:45
Speaker 3: I wanted other women.
10:46
Speaker 2: I don't think the bigger the better, no doubt that.
10:49
Speaker 3: No, I think sometimes too big is not great at all.
10:52
Speaker 2: Well, now you want this to be an enjoyable experience.
10:55
Speaker 3: Racing for impact the whole time? Yes, yeah, like not
11:00
Speaker 3: doing like a prayer, like God, it's not meant for me,
11:03
Speaker 3: like this is not We're not made for each other. Sorry,
11:06
Speaker 3: this is not gonna work.
11:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, God, Yeah, that's just so what do you
11:11
Speaker 1: like when you win. They pulled their pants down and
11:13
Speaker 1: they show you their penis, like is it there?
11:16
Speaker 2: You see right away there's a sense of shame.
11:19
Speaker 3: So so here let me show you. Like, okay, so
11:22
Speaker 3: picture a treatment table right, like a doctor's office with
11:25
Speaker 3: the medical like the gross paper.
11:27
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, of course it's horrible.
11:29
Speaker 3: And I let them undress obviously without me in the room. Right,
11:32
Speaker 3: I was like, get ready, put this little medical drape over.
11:35
Speaker 3: You have some like dignity for yourself. So they're staring
11:38
Speaker 3: up at the sky at these horrible you know, the
11:39
Speaker 3: fluorescent lighting of a medical office. I try to lower
11:42
Speaker 3: the lights. I try to make it all spot lighting horrible. Yeah,
11:45
Speaker 3: I try to like make it. I put like Serenes
11:47
Speaker 3: Bob music on and like had like diffusers, it's nice.
11:50
Speaker 3: I was trying to make them feel safe and comfortable
11:52
Speaker 3: because I knew this is horrible. And so then it's like,
11:55
Speaker 3: you know, the big reveal of Okay, now I have
11:56
Speaker 3: to pull down the drape. And so if they're just
11:58
Speaker 3: like literally like steering up the sky like like most
12:02
Speaker 3: of them were just immediately like embarrassed, quiet, internal, uh defensive,
12:08
Speaker 3: you know, because now it's like and also I'm seeing
12:11
Speaker 3: it placid. I'm not seeing what the potential is right right,
12:17
Speaker 3: you know, And and so there, and of course there
12:19
Speaker 3: were guys some of them did get hard right away,
12:21
Speaker 3: which was that I was like, that happened, and I
12:26
Speaker 3: was like, hey, we did it, you know.
12:28
Speaker 2: No, You're like, hey, go get go sort yourself out. Coming.
12:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, you get a refund. Yeah. But they were numb also,
12:35
Speaker 3: like you know how like I get like I've had
12:37
Speaker 3: like yes on my face for injections, right, so you
12:40
Speaker 3: mean like actually numb. They we would put numbing cream
12:43
Speaker 3: on they, like, we would have them apply it an
12:45
Speaker 3: hour before the treatment. Nowadays they might be a little different,
12:47
Speaker 3: but that would help desensitize the impact of this machine
12:50
Speaker 3: because it was very aggressive. Yeah, sounds like a jackhammer, okay,
12:58
Speaker 3: doing construction.
12:59
Speaker 1: Like how many sessions do they go through? I'm sure
13:02
Speaker 1: it's personal.
13:03
Speaker 3: That's like the protocol calls for six over six weeks,
13:06
Speaker 3: So either they would do three weeks and then we'd
13:08
Speaker 3: like give them two months off to kind of have
13:10
Speaker 3: everything start working in the body, and then three more
13:12
Speaker 3: sessions later they'd come back.
13:14
Speaker 2: So it was does it work? Yeah, every time?
13:18
Speaker 3: Most of the guys, I saw saw improvement. Absolutely. Now,
13:22
Speaker 3: it's not making it bigger. Let's be clear about that,
13:24
Speaker 3: because a lot of how I'm gonna come and there
13:26
Speaker 3: were guys coming to me like I don't have interactile
13:28
Speaker 3: dysfunction problem, but I just want to see if it
13:30
Speaker 3: can get bigger. Oh come on, Well it's like think
13:33
Speaker 3: about like when you do a bicep, curl your muscle
13:35
Speaker 3: like e gorges with more blood. That's all that's happening
13:38
Speaker 3: with something. Right. It's not gonna make it bigger, but
13:41
Speaker 3: it will make it feel and look fuller. So there
13:43
Speaker 3: was that bit of confidence.
13:45
Speaker 2: That was interesting.
13:46
Speaker 3: Yeah okay or blood flow right.
13:48
Speaker 1: So yeah, so basically this is the equivalent of us
13:52
Speaker 1: going to get botox.
13:53
Speaker 3: It's a lot in the same way. Yeah, like we're
13:56
Speaker 3: trying to do laser we're trying to like anything plump
13:58
Speaker 3: and you make this they want.
14:00
Speaker 1: Like we go like what every few months? Like same
14:02
Speaker 1: things for them, right, Yeah.
14:04
Speaker 3: So what they would say back then, I was when
14:06
Speaker 3: I was trained, it was like eighteen It would last
14:08
Speaker 3: like eighteen months before they'd have to feel like, oh
14:11
Speaker 3: maybe I need to do it again. But I would
14:12
Speaker 3: send them with homework us homework penis pump.
14:16
Speaker 2: Oh does that work?
14:17
Speaker 3: Yes? So we like what part of protocol was is
14:20
Speaker 3: that they had to use this during their treatment for me.
14:23
Speaker 3: With me for six weeks they used it twice a
14:24
Speaker 3: day for ten minutes each.
14:26
Speaker 2: It's a day.
14:27
Speaker 3: And now I'm like all of my friends everyone in
14:29
Speaker 3: my life. I'm like, if you're over forty, you need
14:31
Speaker 3: a penis pump and you should be using it twice
14:33
Speaker 3: a week. It's like cardio for your dick. That's how
14:34
Speaker 3: you have to think of it, because yeah, I guess,
14:36
Speaker 3: so that's flow and kind of clearing the debris, right,
14:39
Speaker 3: because the blood vessels and the penis are so much
14:41
Speaker 3: smaller than anywhere else, and they're farther away from the heart,
14:45
Speaker 3: so they claw with clack first, and it's like a
14:48
Speaker 3: warning sign for guys. If that starts happening. Usually with
14:52
Speaker 3: three to five years, you're looking at heart problems. So
14:54
Speaker 3: it's like I would say, like it's your check engine light, right, It's.
14:57
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, you get gotta get it circulation.
15:01
Speaker 3: Through penis boot Camp. I called this penis boot camp
15:03
Speaker 3: because I used to be a personal trainer. I don't know.
15:05
Speaker 3: I was like, look, we're going to clean up our lifestyle.
15:07
Speaker 3: We're gonna start eating healthy, we're gonna start working now,
15:09
Speaker 3: we're going to use this pump like and we're gonna
15:10
Speaker 3: get our penis back. You know.
15:12
Speaker 1: Oh my, it was fascinating. Let's transition a little bit.
15:26
Speaker 1: What did you learn about yourself working there?
15:30
Speaker 3: Okay, So the biggest transformation that happened for me was
15:33
Speaker 3: finding safety with men like I had. I was given
15:36
Speaker 3: this blueprint for men by my father that was he
15:39
Speaker 3: was an alcoholic, he was verbally abusive, he was absent, right,
15:42
Speaker 3: So I got this in. You know, men were to
15:45
Speaker 3: me that that's what they were. They weren't around, they
15:47
Speaker 3: weren't to be trusted, and I would go seeking those relationships,
15:50
Speaker 3: right and anytime I found a safe man, I was like, hmm,
15:53
Speaker 3: you're boring. I don't trust any of this, right, so
15:56
Speaker 3: totally run away to the next thing. And and so
15:59
Speaker 3: what and is I didn't realize that men again were
16:03
Speaker 3: capable of this level of emotion, capable of the shame,
16:06
Speaker 3: and it helped me disarm myself towards them and see
16:10
Speaker 3: them as human and say, wait a second, they're just
16:12
Speaker 3: like us. They just can't show it. Why is no
16:15
Speaker 3: one talking about this and so being able to be
16:18
Speaker 3: let into their personal stories of grief. Maybe they had
16:21
Speaker 3: lost their wife two years ago, how to get back
16:24
Speaker 3: out there. They feel guilty, like they're cheating on her. Still,
16:27
Speaker 3: maybe their wife thinks they're cheating on them because their
16:29
Speaker 3: penis doesn't work right. Like, there's so many stories I
16:32
Speaker 3: kept collecting. Oh yeah, and I started seeing this pattern,
16:35
Speaker 3: and I was like, whoa. They are dealing with so
16:37
Speaker 3: much and they're just looking for permission to be able
16:39
Speaker 3: to talk about it. And I'm like, well, I have
16:41
Speaker 3: your broken dick in my hand. I think this is
16:43
Speaker 3: a good space, right. Like it was like I was
16:45
Speaker 3: their therapist and it was helping me learn and trust
16:48
Speaker 3: them right And ultimately, most importantly, my father died right
16:52
Speaker 3: before I started the job, so I got certain he
16:55
Speaker 3: passed away, and then I came back and had my
16:57
Speaker 3: first client, and you know, he had cancer. We knew
16:59
Speaker 3: it was, but losing somebody that you have such a
17:02
Speaker 3: complicated relationship can kind of mess with you, right because
17:05
Speaker 3: you feel the sense of almost relief, and I didn't
17:08
Speaker 3: know when to deal with that. I was like, oh
17:09
Speaker 3: my gosh, Okay, he can never hurt me again. I
17:11
Speaker 3: can never say anything again. But now it's never going
17:13
Speaker 3: to get better. So what does it mean? And so
17:16
Speaker 3: this job actually almost like saved me from just spouse
17:19
Speaker 3: about that because I had such I had. I was
17:21
Speaker 3: like focusing on helping other people, helping men, and they
17:25
Speaker 3: were teaching me so much about my dad that I
17:27
Speaker 3: did not understand. Wow, it was like I was seeing
17:30
Speaker 3: him in their behavior, and I was like, oh, maybe
17:34
Speaker 3: he had all this pain that he didn't know how
17:35
Speaker 3: to deal with. Maybe he was trying to hide in
17:38
Speaker 3: his ways of and it just it absolutely transformed, and
17:42
Speaker 3: I was able to make peace with him after he
17:43
Speaker 3: died and forgive him.
17:45
Speaker 2: Oh that's beautiful.
17:46
Speaker 1: Maybe I need to do this job because I have
17:48
Speaker 1: almost an identical story like yours, you know, like, yeah,
17:52
Speaker 1: I hear you, I feel you, and.
17:54
Speaker 2: That's really beautiful.
17:55
Speaker 1: That is probably yeah, because I can relate to put
18:00
Speaker 1: it that way.
18:00
Speaker 2: Are you married or single?
18:02
Speaker 3: I am? Now? I am?
18:03
Speaker 2: Now you're married?
18:05
Speaker 3: Yeah?
18:05
Speaker 2: Congratulations recently?
18:07
Speaker 3: Yes?
18:08
Speaker 2: Was it one of your clients?
18:09
Speaker 1: Just kidding?
18:09
Speaker 2: Yeah?
18:10
Speaker 1: Right?
18:10
Speaker 3: No, god right, no, couldn't be farther from that, but no,
18:14
Speaker 3: it's but man, listen, it transformed my relationships with men
18:17
Speaker 3: like I got out of a relationship I was in
18:19
Speaker 3: at the time, in the job, and it was, yeah,
18:22
Speaker 3: like it, I could never I can't. Well now from
18:24
Speaker 3: now on, I can't really look at men the same.
18:26
Speaker 3: I see. I have such a soft spot in my
18:28
Speaker 3: heart for them. I'm passionate what they're hiding. I see
18:31
Speaker 3: what they're avoiding, and I'm just like, Oh, we're going
18:34
Speaker 3: to get there. That's one of the reasons I felt
18:36
Speaker 3: this conviction to tell my story.
18:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, so let's talk about it then. So what was
18:41
Speaker 2: the process like writing the book?
18:43
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, Okay, So this job actually happened about
18:46
Speaker 3: eight years ago. So I was in COVID. I ended
18:50
Speaker 3: up writing a pilot because I'm a screenwriter first, and
18:52
Speaker 3: I saw this world on TV. That's how I storytell
18:57
Speaker 3: and so you know, COVID was happening, okay, and then
19:00
Speaker 3: we started taking it out. The strikes happened, and then
19:03
Speaker 3: the fires and all these things, and I was like,
19:05
Speaker 3: you know what, what if I just wrote a book
19:07
Speaker 3: and I told my whole story. And I got the
19:09
Speaker 3: idea a few years ago during the strikes, and I'd
19:12
Speaker 3: never written a book. I didn't know how to do that.
19:14
Speaker 3: I was like, is this just like read writing my
19:15
Speaker 3: diary and like putting it out in the world. How
19:18
Speaker 3: do I do this? And so I ended up pitching
19:21
Speaker 3: the publishing company Storyteller Publishing last year, and I said, listen,
19:25
Speaker 3: I have this incredible idea. It's one of those things
19:27
Speaker 3: that's never been able to leave me alone. And I
19:31
Speaker 3: always like, I always sort of use that as my
19:33
Speaker 3: my barometer. It's like, if I have a story that
19:35
Speaker 3: I cannot get out of my head, that's the one
19:37
Speaker 3: I have to tell. And this one is like very,
19:40
Speaker 3: very unique and it's a real story. So I'm like,
19:43
Speaker 3: no one else has the story. There's no way, right,
19:45
Speaker 3: So one story I have nobody else can tell. So yeah,
19:48
Speaker 3: So we talked about what that would look like and
19:51
Speaker 3: last year I started kind of outlining writing got notes.
19:55
Speaker 3: We did it, you know, over six months, back and forth,
19:57
Speaker 3: and the book was done and so here we are.
20:01
Speaker 2: You didn't have a gross writer. You did everything else,
20:03
Speaker 2: so I did.
20:03
Speaker 3: I had to do it myself.
20:04
Speaker 2: I had to wow, wow, wow.
20:07
Speaker 1: Okay, So I think like the next question I have
20:11
Speaker 1: would be like, what was the scariest part of writing
20:15
Speaker 1: that book?
20:15
Speaker 2: Like, because you're really you're.
20:17
Speaker 1: Also being very vulnerable, and also did you have to
20:19
Speaker 1: get permission from them?
20:20
Speaker 2: Like how does this work?
20:22
Speaker 3: No, I changed everybody's names and I didn't anything that
20:25
Speaker 3: would be identifying enough, right of course anybody. I was
20:29
Speaker 3: very conscientious of that. And yeah, the scariest part I
20:32
Speaker 3: would say is I always say like I was like
20:35
Speaker 3: Diane Keaton in that movie Something's Got to Give, Like.
20:38
Speaker 2: I love that movie, She's just like.
20:40
Speaker 3: Muscling her way through crying. It was. It was very
20:44
Speaker 3: healing for me, but it was also confronting to look
20:47
Speaker 3: at the ways, like the responsibility that I had in
20:50
Speaker 3: a lot of the situations that I maybe previously felt
20:53
Speaker 3: like a victim in or felt like I was wrong
20:56
Speaker 3: or whatever, and going like, let me take a step back,
20:58
Speaker 3: and yes, it's crazy to be the author and the
21:01
Speaker 3: main character, but let me hold myself responsible for some
21:04
Speaker 3: or accountable for things. And that was really helpful for me,
21:09
Speaker 3: but also very confronting and vulnerable. And then I think, truthfully,
21:13
Speaker 3: the hardest stuff was writing about my dad because I
21:16
Speaker 3: go back in childhood to you know, and that was
21:20
Speaker 3: that was it was. It was hard. It was hard,
21:22
Speaker 3: but beautiful.
21:23
Speaker 1: Did you intentionally wait for your dad to pass prior
21:27
Speaker 1: to writing a book.
21:28
Speaker 3: Well, he died right before I started the job, so
21:30
Speaker 3: I don't story until you know he was well well gone.
21:36
Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean definitely there's a safety in that, right, Like,
21:39
Speaker 3: I don't think that the job would landed the same
21:42
Speaker 3: way I wouldn't have had the healing journey was it?
21:44
Speaker 1: Did you find the healing journey more through writing or
21:46
Speaker 1: through being through working?
21:49
Speaker 3: I think writing, I think reflecting it, right. I think
21:51
Speaker 3: while I was in it, I was so focused on
21:53
Speaker 3: what was happening to the men in front of me.
21:54
Speaker 3: I didn't realize what was happening to me yet. I
21:57
Speaker 3: needed some space from it to go, oh my god,
22:00
Speaker 3: this completely changed me and I didn't even realize that
22:03
Speaker 3: was happening.
22:03
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, were you in therapy during this time or no?
22:07
Speaker 1: Well?
22:07
Speaker 2: Wow wow okay, okay, yeah yeah, wow. That's that's amazing.
22:13
Speaker 1: I mean, what do you think, what do you want
22:15
Speaker 1: people to take away once they read your memoir?
22:19
Speaker 3: I mean, that's such a good question. I feel this.
22:23
Speaker 3: I feel this responsibility to share what I learned about
22:26
Speaker 3: men in order to help shed light not It's not
22:28
Speaker 3: a book that mocks them. It's not like we're women
22:32
Speaker 3: and we're so we apologize. It's like it's like, hey,
22:36
Speaker 3: you're human too, we see I see that. I hope
22:39
Speaker 3: other women can see that, and I hope we can
22:41
Speaker 3: bridge this gap between toxic masculinity and toxic feminity because
22:44
Speaker 3: underneath it all, we're all just like hurting. We're all
22:47
Speaker 3: just confused. We can find peace in the messy middle
22:50
Speaker 3: if we could just all like let our guards down
22:52
Speaker 3: and come together. It's a very big ask and a
22:55
Speaker 3: big swing, but that's my like, you know, that would
22:59
Speaker 3: be a hope that it it sheds light in this
23:01
Speaker 3: new way into male vulnerability that we maybe haven't seen before.
23:05
Speaker 1: I think honestly too, if you know, like I said,
23:07
Speaker 1: I can relate to your story, I think it would
23:09
Speaker 1: maybe for me at least have compassion towards you know,
23:12
Speaker 1: just their different way of showing vulnerability, right. Like you know,
23:17
Speaker 1: I used to be a performer and I used to dance,
23:19
Speaker 1: and I would like whenever I get nervous or get
23:21
Speaker 1: a stage fright, it's like, you know, my coach would
23:23
Speaker 1: always say, we all got assholes, like literally every single
23:26
Speaker 1: person sitting here, like there's no don't put anyone on
23:29
Speaker 1: a pedestal, like we are all one in that sense.
23:32
Speaker 3: That's it.
23:33
Speaker 1: So yeah, do you have any final thoughts before we
23:35
Speaker 1: wrap up?
23:36
Speaker 2: This is? This is great.
23:37
Speaker 3: No, I'm just listen. I'm excited to be able to
23:40
Speaker 3: have this platform and just be with you guys and
23:42
Speaker 3: chat about it because there there is something and it's
23:44
Speaker 3: it's a bit of a humor and heartbreak. So there's
23:47
Speaker 3: something for everybody on my story and I hope, I
23:49
Speaker 3: hope they enjoy it.
23:51
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing your story and where can people
23:52
Speaker 2: find it?
23:54
Speaker 3: Anywhere? Books are sold independent bookstores, Amazon, Marts and Noble. Yeah,
23:58
Speaker 3: all the spots.
23:59
Speaker 2: So, and you're social media handled? Are you on all platforms?
24:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, Christina's have been dead and it is Christina with
24:05
Speaker 3: a K.
24:06
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. That was so fun. Thank you
24:08
Speaker 2: with you, Thank you honey, Thanks bye, hey bye.
24:11
Speaker 1: Are you getting back into the dating scene or struggling
24:14
Speaker 1: with vulnerability? Well we can help send us an email
24:17
Speaker 1: or leave us a voicemail. All the info is in
24:19
Speaker 1: the show notes, and don't forget to follow us on socials,
24:23
Speaker 1: I do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
24:26
Speaker 1: love is the main objective.