Latest / High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm / The Enemy Wants Your Marriage Looking Inward

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The Enemy Wants Your Marriage Looking Inward · High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the High Level Wife podcast.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I am Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and here we do Marriage God's Way.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we've been talking about like the greater purpose for marriage, the multiplication factor, and all of that.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: But today I want to give you a different way to think about spiritual warfare in your marriage.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we think about the enemy attacking marriage, we tend to imagine infidelity or addiction or explosive conflict, divorce, or some massive catastrophic event, right?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: But the enemy doesn't necessarily need to destroy your marriage.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: What if instead, if he can simply distract it?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: What if he takes two people who were designed to multiply kingdom impact and turns them inward?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Getting them completely consumed with themselves and each other and keeping them there for years, right?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because a husband and wife who spend all their energy fighting each other have very little energy left to fight for what actually matters, right?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: They become so easily entangled and weighed down by the baggage and the hurts and the hangups and the offenses, right?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: The distractions, all of these things that they can no longer run the race set before them towards the upward prize of the highest calling of Jesus Christ and the grace and freedom found in him.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: In episode one and two of this series, we we talked about that your marriage was never primarily about you, and that marriage was designed with incredible capacity for capacity for fruitfulness and multiplication.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So think about this logically.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: If unity multiplies kingdom pulling power, what would the enemy want to attack?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Unity, mission, oneness?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: He wants you turned against each other instead of standing beside each other.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I was just reading in Mark um a couple days ago about divorce, right?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: The religious leaders came up to Jesus and they were like, how come, you know, what what it what about marriage and divorce certificates and all that, right?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And and Jesus' response was like he did that because y'all are selfish and you missed the point, essentially.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Well, God joined together, let no man separate.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a reason why there's a 50% divorce rate, no matter if it's in Christians or the rest of the world.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's a reason that that goes down to less than 1%.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's like 0.000147 or something like that.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's like one in 1147, I think, when a couple prays together daily.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but let's go all the way back to Genesis 3 because this isn't new.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Genesis 2 ends with husband and wife, one flesh, naked, unashamed, and then Genesis 3 begins with now the serpent.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: So pay attention to the sequence that God establishes the order, intimacy, unity, covenant, mission.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Then the serpent enters with deception, and he questions God's word.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Did God actually say?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: He questions God's goodness, he introduces distrust, and sin enters.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens almost immediately?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's hiding, shame, blame, division.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Adam literally says, the woman whom you gave to be with me, the person who is just bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh is suddenly the problem.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't that sound familiar?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: The enemy ain't got no new playbooks today.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: He still uses the same playbook.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Question God, question his goodness, question his design, turn inward, protect yourself, blame the other person, hide, divide, and suddenly husband and wife aren't looking outward together anymore.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're looking at each other as opponents.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Ephesians 6:12 tells us, Paul reminds us we do not wrestle against flesh and blood.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Your husband is flesh and blood.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Husbands who are listening, your wife is flesh and blood.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, your spouse is not your enemy.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Does your spouse sin?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Do you sin?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Do real issues need to be confronted?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Biblical unity does not mean pretending sin doesn't exist.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually unloving to not address sin.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: But we have to stop confusing the person with the enemy.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because if Satan can convince you that your spouse is the enemy, he gets to aim your weapons in the wrong direction.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And we have to look at what consumes us.
• 5:43
  unknown: Right?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: These thoughts of he doesn't appreciate me or she doesn't desire me.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I do more.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: He never, she always.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Why should I go first?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: What about my needs?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's not fair.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm waiting until he changes, or I'm waiting until she apologizes.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some of those hurts may be completely legitimate, but here's the question: How long are you going to allow the offense to determine the mission?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: How long will the marriage remain stuck because neither person will lay down self?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Philippians 2, 3 through 5, Paul says, Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Count others more significant than yourselves.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Look not only to your own interest, but also to the interests of others.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then he says, Ooh, drops this bomb.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And what follows?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus empties himself.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Humility, obedience, sacrifice.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is the opposite of the cultural marriage posture.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Culture says protect yourself, prioritize yourself, make sure you're getting yours, right?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Christ says, lay yourself down.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine the opportunity cost here.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I really want us to consider because we talk about what division costs in marriage, but what does division cost the kingdom?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Think about this on a grand scale of the church body itself, right?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: What has division in the body of Christ cost the kingdom?
• 7:30
  unknown: Right?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Think of like church and church splits and in all of the different denominations and how they seemingly do not work together but against each other.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: A great book that I read was Francis Chan's Until Unity.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I recommend you read it too.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, if you spent five years consumed with resentment, what prayer didn't happen?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or what hospitality didn't happen?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Who wasn't discipled?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: What generosity never flowed?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: What testimony stayed buried?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: What child watched mom and dad model bitterness instead of repentance?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: What person never experienced the combined gifts of this husband and wife because those gifts were being spent battling each other?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that to create condemnation.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am saying wake up to the stakes, my sister and my brother.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's territory beyond your feelings.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: But oh how Satan loves self-focus.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: He loves self-focus because it makes everything about my rights, my comfort, my offense, my expectations, my timeline, my happiness.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you can spend your entire marriage staring at yourself while believing you're staring at your spouse.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes what we're calling a marriage problem is actually pride.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's unforgiveness, it's fear, control, entitlement, self-protection, and those things keep us turned inward.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: But Jesus continually turns outward.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Mark 10 45, Jesus says, For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the King of Kings.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: If anyone had the right to say, What about me?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was Jesus.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, he served and he gave and he laid himself down.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: That is kingdom orientation.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not self-erasure, it's not enabling sin, but self-surrender to God for the good of others.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: So what if you change positions?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Picture two people standing face to face, pulling against each other.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's exhausting.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a tug of war.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine those same two people turning, standing shoulder to shoulder, facing the same direction, pulling toward the same mission.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Same two people, same strength, completely different outcome.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because maybe some marriages don't need more strength, they need a shared direction.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: So get back on mission.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Love God, love others, make disciples.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's the bigger picture here.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Your marriage should help you to do those things more powerfully together.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, repair the conflict and have the conversation.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Confess, forgive, rebuild trust, pursue intimacy, but don't stop there.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get stuck in the weeds of offense, in the low-level thinking of this culture that's backwards and upside down in the wrong ways.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe it's forward and right side up in the wrong ways, is a better way to say that.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Get the marriage healthy so you can get back to mission.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because restoration isn't the finish line, it's preparation, my friend.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: So let's do a practical heart check here.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself what issue have I allowed to consume disproportionate attention in my marriage?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Where have I made my spouse the enemy?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: What am I continually keeping score of?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I waiting for my spouse before I obey God?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: What kingdom fruit might our division be preventing?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: What could change if we stopped pulling against each other in a tug of war and started pulling together to move things forward?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So go read Genesis 2.24 through Genesis 3.13.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And don't separate the chapters.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Watch the movement.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: One flesh, intimacy, deception, sin, hiding, blame, and division.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Then read Ephesians 6:10 through 18 and ask, Lord, where have I been fighting flesh and blood instead of recognizing the real battle?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Where has self-focus distracted me from obedience?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: What would it look like for our marriage to turn outward toward your mission again?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: So listen, Christian wife, your husband isn't your enemy.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Christian husband, your wife isn't your enemy, and the enemy would love nothing more than for you two to spend the next 20 years believing otherwise or to end it in divorce.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because two people constantly turned inward, consumed by offenses, keeping score, fighting for their own little kingdoms, their own little plot of land.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Distracted.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: But two people surrender to Jesus?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Two people that were repent quickly, forgive freely, stand shoulder to shoulder, loving God, loving people, and making disciples, that's pulling power.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: So stop wasting your strength pulling against each other.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Stop it! Stop it! Turn around.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's a kingdom in front of you.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: A big K kingdom.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Not this little kingdom that you've been aimlessly and in vanity trying to bring to fruition.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you on the next episode.