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Heart and Hustle: Uniting Passions with Ernest Ellender · The Heart-Led Business Show

• 0:01
  Speaker: Welcome to the Heart-Led Business Show, where compassion meets commerce and leaders lead with love.
• 0:09
  Speaker: Join your host, Tom Jackobs, as he delves into the insightful conversations with visionary business leaders who defy the status quo, putting humanity first and profit second.
• 0:20
  Speaker: From heartfelt strategies to inspiring stories, this podcast is your compass in the world of conscious capitalism.
• 0:29
  Speaker: So buckle up and let's go.
• 0:31
  Speaker: Let your heart guide your business journey.
• 0:35
  Tom: Here comes the captivating Cajun himself.
• 0:38
  Tom: Ernest Ellen raised in the realms of Louisiana's bayou and beaches.
• 0:41
  Tom: He's found a fine balance between karate chops and chummy chats as a martial arts guru and psychotherapy pro.
• 0:49
  Tom: Now on his 16th year of empowering with elegance.
• 0:53
  Tom: Ernest etched a path in parchment, sharing his wisdom worldwide.
• 0:57
  Tom: And today we dive deep into the depths of his heart-led hustle here on the Heart-Led Business Show.
• 1:03
  Tom: So get ready for an enlightening excursion.
• 1:05
  Tom: Welcome to the show, Ernest.
• 1:06
  Ernest Ellender: Thank you very much.
• 1:07
  Ernest Ellender: That was a wonderful introduction.
• 1:08
  Ernest Ellender: I appreciate you inviting me here.
• 1:10
  Tom: Not a problem.
• 1:11
  Tom: Really happy to have this conversation with you.
• 1:13
  Tom: I know it's going to serve our listeners really well.
• 1:16
  Tom: But you know, I always like to ask the first question, what's your definition of a heart-led business?
• 1:21
  Ernest Ellender: It took me a minute to come up with definition for that because my business sense has trailed my desire to be heart-led for decades.
• 1:28
  Ernest Ellender: So I'm still catching up on the business savvy part of it.
• 1:30
  Ernest Ellender: But I would say my definition would be a business in which the primary focus is on improving our society by directly serving community members.
• 1:39
  Ernest Ellender: And then the secondary focus on making sure that we're duly compensated for those efforts.
• 1:44
  Tom: That's good.
• 1:44
  Tom: That and I like the fact that the primary focus is on serving others and that you brought in the secondary purpose is actually making a profit as well and serving yourself.
• 1:55
  Tom: I think a lot of.
• 1:56
  Tom: heart-led business owners don't take the flight attendant's advice.
• 1:59
  Tom: They don't put the oxygen mask on first before helping other people.
• 2:03
  Tom: And you know, that can lead to some problems in the business side.
• 2:06
  Ernest Ellender: It has, that's what I've learned along the way.
• 2:08
  Ernest Ellender: Yeah.
• 2:09
  Tom: So tell us a little bit about your journey and your business and what inspired you to create a heart-led business?
• 2:15
  Ernest Ellender: Let's see what inspired me.
• 2:16
  Ernest Ellender: A number of things, one is just a family focus intergenerationally of serving the community.
• 2:21
  Ernest Ellender: My grandfather was a doctor here in Houma, it's a small town here and he became a doctor like the year before the Great Depression.
• 2:27
  Ernest Ellender: So, he essentially served an underserved population for decades before he was compensated much for anything.
• 2:35
  Ernest Ellender: And he was just viewed as a very core member of society here, you know.
• 2:38
  Ernest Ellender: And so, we kind of revered him for his contributions to this area.
• 2:42
  Tom: How big of a parish is it?
• 2:44
  Tom: Sorry.
• 2:45
  Ernest Ellender: Let's see, I mean, right now my the town of Homer is about in the local areas of maybe 35 to 50 thousand depending on how you rate it.
• 2:51
  Ernest Ellender: So it's grown a lot since way back then.
• 2:53
  Ernest Ellender: Back then half that.
• 2:55
  Ernest Ellender: But for example, for I think it was like for two years, it was him and his cousin were the only two doctors in town.
• 3:00
  Ernest Ellender: So those two doctors birthed over a thousand babies in one year.
• 3:04
  Tom: Oh my and they're GPs, right?
• 3:05
  Ernest Ellender: Correct, in addition to all the other doctoring they did.
• 3:08
  Ernest Ellender: When you do the numbers, I'm like, I don't understand that, he had to be an absolute workaholic, not because he wanted to, but because that was the need of the population.
• 3:15
  Ernest Ellender: And he did his duty.
• 3:16
  Ernest Ellender: Now they were raised, they were very Catholic and that's how I was raised.
• 3:20
  Ernest Ellender: So there was the consistent messaging of we do our duty to the community to serve other people.
• 3:25
  Ernest Ellender: And so even after like in college, I moved away from any specific religion.
• 3:30
  Ernest Ellender: But the desire or the normalcy of devoting one's life to serving the population, serving the community remained like this gold standard, this idea that was just very attractive to me.
• 3:40
  Ernest Ellender: That's what I wanted to do.
• 3:41
  Ernest Ellender: And I'm kind of an all or nothing guy.
• 3:42
  Ernest Ellender: So when that's the case, I really just focused on that.
• 3:45
  Ernest Ellender: I really wanted to.
• 3:46
  Ernest Ellender: The only decent decision I made, I think concerning finances was in my undergraduate years.
• 3:50
  Ernest Ellender: I was in English and because I love the characters.
• 3:52
  Ernest Ellender: I love the richness of the literary characters.
• 3:54
  Ernest Ellender: And I love dealing people.
• 3:55
  Ernest Ellender: I just love the interactions with people.
• 3:57
  Ernest Ellender: I like a small intimate setting where I get to really communicate and get to know somebody and that's what I love.
• 4:02
  Ernest Ellender: And so I was like, okay, English, but then I said, you know, in Louisiana, we're about 49th or 50th in the country of in education measures because teachers are just not compensated for the wonderful work that they do.
• 4:12
  Ernest Ellender: So I said, well, I can't be a teacher.
• 4:14
  Ernest Ellender: And there's, it's always in my family to, to get the highest degree you're going to get.
• 4:18
  Ernest Ellender: And so I said, okay, well, what other type of business can I do?
• 4:21
  Ernest Ellender: And when I got, came back from, I went to Boston college for one year and I came back to Louisiana.
• 4:24
  Ernest Ellender: Down on myself, tail between my legs.
• 4:26
  Ernest Ellender: I didn't make it up there in the New York I'm sorry, the Boston area, New England area.
• 4:30
  Ernest Ellender: And my parents offered me to go to a local therapist and I went to see him.
• 4:34
  Ernest Ellender: And that experience of going to see him for about six months and just really rather quickly getting to the heart of what was going on for me and just making a few changes and acclimating and realigning my goals and everything.
• 4:43
  Ernest Ellender: And towards the end of that, it just was a thought that sunk in my head like, wow, This is a job.
• 4:47
  Ernest Ellender: This guy sits here all day, all week, all month, all year, and helps people, like, directly.
• 4:52
  Ernest Ellender: Gets into their business, helps them, and then moves them along.
• 4:55
  Ernest Ellender: I said, that's pretty awesome.
• 4:56
  Ernest Ellender: And so a few years later I started taking psychology classes with the thought that might be it, and it just led down that path.
• 5:01
  Ernest Ellender: This is definitely.
• 5:02
  Tom: That's great.
• 5:03
  Tom: And in that time, you know, that's funny because like in high school for myself, Like I wanted to see a therapist and that was kind of taboo or not something that a lot of people did.
• 5:14
  Tom: And my parents were not like, not completely on board until I really pressed the issue is like, I really, I'm like, I'm going through some stuff right now.
• 5:21
  Tom: I need some help.
• 5:22
  Tom: And you guys aren't like equipped to, and which I think was kind of enlightened, but it was at the same for like when, and especially in Louisiana.
• 5:30
  Ernest Ellender: There were two things that really drove us in that direction that made it more comfortable for me.
• 5:34
  Ernest Ellender: One was my family always it's a yes sir, no sir society here where we revere people of authority like coach when they'd send me to the, you know, to swim practice and didn't matter what coach was, how much he was torturing us.
• 5:45
  Ernest Ellender: Mom and dad would just.
• 5:45
  Ernest Ellender: That's what coach said, do what coach says.
• 5:47
  Ernest Ellender: You know, so to some there's a deference to authority.
• 5:49
  Ernest Ellender: So when you're having mental health issues, you go see a professional.
• 5:52
  Ernest Ellender: That's, that was one consistent consult the professionals and give you some guidance.
• 5:56
  Ernest Ellender: And then the second, when I was 10, my dad sober.
• 5:59
  Ernest Ellender: He had, he was struggled with alcohol abuse and so now he's, I'm 51 now, he's 41 years sober, and at, at 10 years old is when he sobered.
• 6:07
  Ernest Ellender: And we went to, to therapy as a family for a couple years around then.
• 6:11
  Ernest Ellender: And so that was really my introduction was at that young age.
• 6:13
  Ernest Ellender: And it was a positive thing.
• 6:15
  Ernest Ellender: It brought the family together.
• 6:16
  Ernest Ellender: At the end of every session we were walking out, you know, with a better understanding of just how codependence and those types of things work.
• 6:22
  Ernest Ellender: And it was just a, it was a positive experience.
• 6:24
  Tom: Yeah.
• 6:24
  Tom: I mean, we're about the same age.
• 6:26
  Tom: I'm a couple of years older than you are, but yeah, that for that time, that's very enlightened.
• 6:31
  Tom: That's that's great.
• 6:32
  Ernest Ellender: Yeah, see, and now today I have, when some clients come in and they're from, you know, so home is a mid-sized place, my, my hometown.
• 6:39
  Ernest Ellender: And then we call it when you go down the bayou, because when you just drive on these roads that follow the bayou and you go down 10 minutes from here.
• 6:45
  Ernest Ellender: If I go 10 minutes down the bayou, it's like going about 30, 40, 50 years back in time.
• 6:49
  Ernest Ellender: And there is still, so when clients come in with that, sometimes they come in very shy.
• 6:53
  Ernest Ellender: Like, this therapy thing, there's still that strong stigma out there.
• 6:57
  Ernest Ellender: You know, it still exists there.
• 6:58
  Ernest Ellender: And sometimes I forget.
• 6:59
  Ernest Ellender: I'm like, Oh yeah, that's right.
• 7:00
  Ernest Ellender: You might be embarrassed about coming to therapy.
• 7:02
  Tom: Yeah.
• 7:02
  Ernest Ellender: Let's just look at it, you know, if you're gonna, if you have to go to court, it's a good idea to hire an attorney, you know.
• 7:07
  Ernest Ellender: If you got some sickness, it's a good idea to hire a doctor, you know.
• 7:10
  Ernest Ellender: So, yeah, if you have some mental health stuff or you have some struggle with your emotions, it might be a good idea to hire a, you know, a therapist or somebody who's been trained in that kind of thing.
• 7:17
  Tom: Yeah.
• 7:17
  Tom: Well, that's very cool.
• 7:19
  Tom: So, so after school, then what took you into private practice and doing your stuff?
• 7:23
  Ernest Ellender: Yeah, well, when I went out to California for graduate school, I got my doctorate in clinical psychology.
• 7:28
  Ernest Ellender: It took me a total of eight years.
• 7:29
  Ernest Ellender: I did seven years in California and another year in New York.
• 7:31
  Ernest Ellender: And I tend to do everything rather obsessively.
• 7:34
  Ernest Ellender: And when I got out to California, I realized that they have this martial art called Brazilian Jiu Jitsu out there.
• 7:38
  Ernest Ellender: And I'd wanted to do it for about a decade.
• 7:41
  Ernest Ellender: We just didn't have it in Louisiana at the time.
• 7:43
  Ernest Ellender: And so I immediately went and signed up and started training obsessively.
• 7:46
  Ernest Ellender: So by the time I came back to Louisiana, I had my PhD in clinical psychology, plus a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
• 7:52
  Ernest Ellender: And after I was home for about a year, I got my black belt.
• 7:54
  Ernest Ellender: So I really came back with two and, you know, the psychology one was, goes along with that, you know, my family's normal practice of really trying to, you know, improve society basically, you know, really serve our local people.
• 8:04
  Ernest Ellender: And so I did that as best as I could.
• 8:07
  Ernest Ellender: And I was kind of out of, like, my sense of responsibility and desire to help.
• 8:11
  Ernest Ellender: And then the jiu jitsu, I started the jiu jitsu school, partly because I wanted that to help everyone else, but also because jiu jitsu was such a empowering and wonderful activity for me.
• 8:19
  Ernest Ellender: It's kind of like my, it became my self care and my, way of functioning as just like a traditional martial artist.
• 8:25
  Ernest Ellender: I really believe in that lifestyle because it just did so much for me.
• 8:28
  Ernest Ellender: Confidence wise, social wise, learning about how the world works, learning about how to overcome various physical and mental challenges.
• 8:34
  Ernest Ellender: And so I wanted that to be a part of my life.
• 8:36
  Ernest Ellender: So I started that kind of as a side hobby.
• 8:38
  Ernest Ellender: Well, very much a side hobby.
• 8:39
  Ernest Ellender: I was hoping it, I wasn't sure how it would go because it's a small town.
• 8:42
  Ernest Ellender: It's a little hard to earn a living.
• 8:43
  Tom: Yeah.
• 8:43
  Ernest Ellender: Doing more running a martial arts school, especially with the divided attention I found over the ensuing like 10 years.
• 8:49
  Ernest Ellender: And that's where it got into that.
• 8:50
  Ernest Ellender: Like I said, in the beginning, my primary focus was on keeping jiu jitsu in my life and offering it to others because it was just so important to me.
• 8:57
  Ernest Ellender: It's really changed my life.
• 8:59
  Ernest Ellender: It's really wonderful.
• 9:00
  Ernest Ellender: And then also doing my psychology the jiu jitsu school.
• 9:03
  Ernest Ellender: Just never made much money and I didn't or it lost and I thought I'd make money in psychology and then pay into the to keep them going because I just couldn't imagine not doing either one of them.
• 9:12
  Ernest Ellender: I can't imagine not having the school because it's such a central part of my life and I love to seeing how it improves other people's lives.
• 9:18
  Ernest Ellender: It's really exciting people get so into jiu jitsu and it just builds them stronger.
• 9:23
  Ernest Ellender: You can see them over the year or two transformation I believe in the value of that.
• 9:27
  Ernest Ellender: So I can't let it die.
• 9:29
  Ernest Ellender: So I had to keep that going.
• 9:30
  Ernest Ellender: And then you know, at, for the first 10 years I worked at a clinic.
• 9:33
  Ernest Ellender: And so that was made the business side psychology stuff rather easy at first.
• 9:37
  Ernest Ellender: But that also when you're working for somebody that has its limitations.
• 9:40
  Ernest Ellender: And so I went out on my, and when I went out on my own is when I started realizing I really need to figure out these business side of things better.
• 9:47
  Tom: What's the biggest struggle or the biggest lesson that you had to learn when you went out on your own?
• 9:51
  Ernest Ellender: You know what, I was always used to putting in ridiculous hours.
• 9:54
  Ernest Ellender: I'm used to work.
• 9:55
  Ernest Ellender: I studied all, you know, studied like crazy in grad school.
• 9:58
  Ernest Ellender: You know, you got to like study 80 hours.
• 10:00
  Ernest Ellender: I mean, it's insane level workload.
• 10:01
  Ernest Ellender: I'm used to that.
• 10:02
  Ernest Ellender: That's no, no problem.
• 10:03
  Ernest Ellender: It was that after I'd been in business with a local bank for like, not a local, what do you call it?
• 10:09
  Ernest Ellender: Big time bank, but they have their outlets here.
• 10:10
  Ernest Ellender: Yeah, and I had a business with him for like eight or nine years and we were moving locations and I needed a loan of about 40,000 dollars.
• 10:19
  Ernest Ellender: And in a business world that's not much to start to to move.
• 10:22
  Ernest Ellender: And we had eight years worth of showing our profits increasing and showing our growth.
• 10:26
  Ernest Ellender: And they ate your relationship.
• 10:27
  Ernest Ellender: And they, when I came to, they said you're not even close to having the collateral for us to loan you that much money.
• 10:32
  Ernest Ellender: And I realized, yes, I realized like, man, I'm doing something wrong.
• 10:35
  Ernest Ellender: I'm 40 years old and the bank won't loan me a little bit of my business.
• 10:39
  Ernest Ellender: So, about 10 years ago in my early forties, I started to focus on that second, that secondary focus on making sure I'm compensated.
• 10:45
  Ernest Ellender: And in that process, it was somewhere around there after I'd been really out there grinding.
• 10:49
  Ernest Ellender: 10 years serving the community and realizing I just didn't have the money in the bank to go with it.
• 10:54
  Ernest Ellender: It started to get a little bit of that burnout, a little bit of that just worn down and you don't have these goals, these things that reward you and that make you excited.
• 11:01
  Ernest Ellender: Like I love traveling.
• 11:02
  Ernest Ellender: I love doing things like that and just but if you don't have the funds to do that, you don't have the funds spend on yourself and your self care and your leisure activities that keep you energized for the job.
• 11:11
  Ernest Ellender: Then your job starts to suffer.
• 11:12
  Ernest Ellender: So my job started to suffer because I just wasn't I just feel so often feel so bad for people.
• 11:17
  Ernest Ellender: I don't want to charge them.
• 11:18
  Ernest Ellender: It's not that I don't think the value is there.
• 11:20
  Ernest Ellender: I know what the black belt is worth to me.
• 11:21
  Ernest Ellender: I know what the PhD is worth to me.
• 11:23
  Ernest Ellender: I've seen what it does for people, the knowledge.
• 11:25
  Ernest Ellender: I, it changes lives.
• 11:26
  Ernest Ellender: It saves lives.
• 11:27
  Ernest Ellender: People kind of told me those things repeatedly and it's really wonderful.
• 11:30
  Ernest Ellender: I know the value of it, but I also still feel bad for them not having enough to pay for things.
• 11:35
  Ernest Ellender: And it annoys me that the system is such that you have to have money to be able to consult professionals, you know?
• 11:40
  Ernest Ellender: And I, I just struggled with that side of it.
• 11:42
  Ernest Ellender: And like I say, while paul preparing for this podcast, I did a I binge watched a number of your podcasts.
• 11:47
  Ernest Ellender: I really enjoyed that one with that chiropractor.
• 11:49
  Ernest Ellender: Dr.
• 11:49
  Ernest Ellender: was it,
• 11:50
  Tom: Oh, Sasha.
• 11:50
  Ernest Ellender: So he fantastic.
• 11:52
  Tom: Yeah.
• 11:52
  Ernest Ellender: But then also.
• 11:53
  Ernest Ellender: Started reading your book.
• 11:54
  Ernest Ellender: I'm halfway through your book.
• 11:55
  Ernest Ellender: And I tell you, that would have been, I really could have used that information 20 years ago.
• 11:59
  Ernest Ellender: And actually, no, I like 30 years ago, when I was in college, I think that would have been a wonderful time to be introduced to that.
• 12:04
  Ernest Ellender: Because in college is when I was so gung ho, all or nothing into this, wow, I want to do, get the highest level of how can I serve the population the best of my ability.
• 12:12
  Ernest Ellender: And I really appreciated in your book that the heart-led, like, focus, that, that concept of creating relationships in which you solve problems, okay?
• 12:20
  Ernest Ellender: Well, when you put it like that, then I don't feel bad about it because I love creating relationships in which I solve all these people's problems.
• 12:26
  Ernest Ellender: Like you talk about in the book, I identify with a lot in there.
• 12:29
  Ernest Ellender: I was like, wow, okay, this guy wrote this book for me.
• 12:31
  Ernest Ellender: Because you talk about you know, in the wellness industry and where caregivers are other person focused, they're kind of people pleasers, and they are very empathic.
• 12:39
  Ernest Ellender: All those things I identified with.
• 12:40
  Ernest Ellender: So to be able to focus on this is how we create the most lasting relationships by creating this, you know, to a mutually truly really beneficial contract.
• 12:50
  Ernest Ellender: That's where we get our best outcome.
• 12:51
  Ernest Ellender: That, that, I could have used, integrated that into my to kind of dispel some of those old myths of Salespeople are meant to trick you, you know?
• 12:58
  Ernest Ellender: And I've heard a lot of the concepts, but not in such a consistent and holistic fashion.
• 13:04
  Ernest Ellender: And so, like I said, I just, when we were growing up, we just, we talked about the serving people, but not about the business side.
• 13:09
  Ernest Ellender: It was kind of considered poor farm to talk about money and how much you make.
• 13:12
  Ernest Ellender: You know, we're supposed give without asking for, give, you know, to give and not count the cost, not ask for things in return.
• 13:18
  Tom: Yeah.
• 13:19
  Ernest Ellender: But in my psychology we, we learn like a, you give things away, it doesn't work well.
• 13:24
  Ernest Ellender: It's not a good system.
• 13:25
  Ernest Ellender: We you, we learn how to engage in mutually beneficial relationships.
• 13:30
  Ernest Ellender: That is what works best.
• 13:32
  Ernest Ellender: And when we teach other people how to engage successfully in mutually beneficial relationships, everybody wins.
• 13:38
  Tom: Everybody.
• 13:38
  Tom: Yeah.
• 13:39
  Tom: So how did you reconcile that in terms of building the business, both the martial arts studio, as well as your practice and that in the whole, you know, I have to sell to get new clients.
• 13:49
  Tom: How did you reconcile that?
• 13:50
  Ernest Ellender: My first introduction to the sales process that improved things a lot was about maybe 10 or 11 years ago.
• 13:56
  Ernest Ellender: A good friend of mine Brian McLaughlin up in in New York.
• 13:59
  Ernest Ellender: He has an awesome martial arts school.
• 14:00
  Ernest Ellender: And he invited me to this three day convention on, just understanding some of the business sides of martial arts.
• 14:07
  Ernest Ellender: And we sat in there and this auditorium and the guy, it was like 400 people in the audience said, how many all are brown or black belts?
• 14:12
  Ernest Ellender: And you know, the majority of people raised their hand and said, okay, how many of y'all would give up your black belt in exchange for 50, 000 dollars.
• 14:19
  Ernest Ellender: But you have to give up all the friends that you met, all the experiences that you had, all the knowledge that you've developed from it and no one raised their hand like, no, I'm not giving that away for 50,000 dollars.
• 14:28
  Ernest Ellender: And he's like, how about a hundred?
• 14:29
  Ernest Ellender: How about a million?
• 14:30
  Ernest Ellender: At the time I'd spent, you know, 10 or like 12 years training obsessively in and it was just such a central part of my life as is now, you know, I'm not going to give that up for a million and now not my friends, the person sitting next to me now.
• 14:41
  Ernest Ellender: Yeah he said, you understand the value of that?
• 14:43
  Ernest Ellender: And that kind of sunk in like, Oh, this is what what, this is what we're offering other people.
• 14:47
  Ernest Ellender: This is what we're offering people.
• 14:48
  Ernest Ellender: Something that I wouldn't give up for a million dollars.
• 14:50
  Ernest Ellender: And we're offering it for, whatever it is, 130, 140 dollars a month.
• 14:53
  Ernest Ellender: That helped a lot.
• 14:54
  Ernest Ellender: But then after that came the skill of learning the, just the techniques.
• 14:57
  Ernest Ellender: And that's, you have to learn the techniques.
• 14:59
  Ernest Ellender: You have to learn how to help people solve their problem.
• 15:02
  Ernest Ellender: You have to learn how to motivate people.
• 15:04
  Ernest Ellender: You know, once you see, you don't, once we cease to see selling as a trick.
• 15:08
  Ernest Ellender: And more as a way of encouraging people to achieve their goals.
• 15:12
  Tom: Yeah.
• 15:12
  Ernest Ellender: If you're trying to sell somebody they don't need and it's not going to help them, well now you're just tricking them, yeah.
• 15:16
  Ernest Ellender: But if you're selling something that you can see, that you know in your professional opinion will benefit their life significantly, well now we're doing the thing that I wouldn't give up for a million dollars, you know, we're selling that thing to people.
• 15:26
  Tom: That's a great analogy.
• 15:28
  Tom: And then for that speaker to go through, would you give it up for, you know, 5,000 or a million?
• 15:33
  Tom: That's yeah.
• 15:34
  Tom: That tells a lot about the individuals in that audience in terms of how deeply they want to help other people or deep that the craft is within them.
• 15:42
  Tom: I probably wouldn't give up, you know, what I do for, know, a million dollars.
• 15:47
  Tom: I'd like to earn that over and yeah, not give it up.
• 15:50
  Ernest Ellender: That's right, and hopefully, I mean, with your book and with this show, I hope you do earn a million, and then I hope you earn another million, and then I hope you earn another million by helping so many people in such a low, and what I've enjoyed about this and the reason for writing the book is To scratch that itch of my frustration of not having low cost access to help, to assistance, to educational insights.
• 16:13
  Ernest Ellender: So that's what I said, I want what I've learned and what I've come up with to be offered to people in as low cost as possible.
• 16:20
  Ernest Ellender: So I finally published a book, my book in March of this year.
• 16:23
  Ernest Ellender: And once I get things regulated, I'm sure as you know, once you write the book, it doesn't sell itself, so you have to learn book marketing.
• 16:30
  Ernest Ellender: So I'm just learning that, but I'm kind of over the hump and starting to stabilize.
• 16:34
  Ernest Ellender: And so my next project is to do a YouTube channel.
• 16:36
  Ernest Ellender: I'm not so much podcaster, I'd like to do a YouTube channel in an instructional fashion that kind of gives away all the stuff for free.
• 16:42
  Ernest Ellender: As far as understanding the insights offered in the book.
• 16:45
  Ernest Ellender: So there's 20 rules.
• 16:46
  Ernest Ellender: I'd like to do 20 videos on it so that people can benefit that for free.
• 16:49
  Ernest Ellender: And then the next step, well, let me go ahead and buy the book.
• 16:52
  Ernest Ellender: So I can use it as a reference and that's low cost.
• 16:54
  Ernest Ellender: And then once they read it, hopefully if they have their means and they understand, they want some help with applying those concepts to their life and in a higher level, in a more advanced fashion, then they can hire me as a life coach.
• 17:05
  Ernest Ellender: Very much your same model that I think is just wonderful.
• 17:08
  Ernest Ellender: People have access to your podcast on YouTube for free.
• 17:11
  Ernest Ellender: They can just
• 17:11
  Tom: Yeah.
• 17:11
  Ernest Ellender: hear these things, have access to all these professionals, learn how do we feel harmonious with both helping people and being compensated for that.
• 17:20
  Tom: Yeah.
• 17:20
  Ernest Ellender: I started getting that burnout and it's not good to get that burnout because then you can't help as many people.
• 17:24
  Ernest Ellender: You cannot fake.
• 17:26
  Tom: There's a really cool book.
• 17:27
  Tom: It's called"The Go Giver" by Bob Berg and the whole, the go giver.
• 17:32
  Tom: And the whole premise of that is you're giving without the desire for a return, but in the attempts of helping other people, but also that it'll come back to you tenfold, even though you don't expect it.
• 17:45
  Tom: A lot of times, all that giving, it does two things.
• 17:48
  Tom: One, it shows credibility, one, that you know what you're talking about, and that, know, people like to get things for free.
• 17:54
  Tom: And as we both know, and everybody else can testify to as well, is that you get something for free, you watch a video, you read a book, 9 times out of 10, people aren't going to do anything with it without that accountability and actually having somebody hold them accountable to take action on what they learn.
• 18:10
  Tom: So it's people always, I used to give out when I had my fitness center, I gave out exercise routines left and right.
• 18:15
  Tom: And the other trainers were like, Tom, why are you giving out all these routines?
• 18:18
  Tom: Like, that's your secret sauce.
• 18:20
  Tom: I'm like, that's not my secret sauce.
• 18:22
  Tom: Like I'm my secret sauce.
• 18:24
  Tom: And I know nobody's going to use them anyway, but they're going to appreciate it.
• 18:27
  Tom: And the time's right, they're going to come to me for that guidance and support.
• 18:31
  Ernest Ellender: Yes.
• 18:31
  Ernest Ellender: Yeah.
• 18:32
  Ernest Ellender: A lot of people will see those concepts laid out in print and say, that's a great idea.
• 18:36
  Ernest Ellender: And as they go to integrate it into their life it's just really difficult to understand precisely how to execute it and when.
• 18:42
  Tom: Tell us something about your book.
• 18:43
  Ernest Ellender: Oh let's see my book.
• 18:44
  Ernest Ellender: There we go.
• 18:44
  Ernest Ellender: It's called,
• 18:45
  Tom: See it right there.
• 18:46
  Ernest Ellender: This is How We Heal from Painful Childhoods, A Practical Guide for Healing Past Intergenerational Stress and Trauma", so that's, yeah, that's my book.
• 18:53
  Tom: That will be flying off the shelves.
• 18:55
  Ernest Ellender: When it comes to intergenerational trauma, we talk about trauma that your grandparents experienced.
• 19:01
  Ernest Ellender: You are genetically inheriting some of that material, as well as you are in an environment that is repeating the cycles of that.
• 19:09
  Ernest Ellender: It's like my grandfather was raised in the Great Depression.
• 19:12
  Ernest Ellender: I mean, he lived through that, so he raised a bunch of kids in the Great Depression.
• 19:15
  Ernest Ellender: So my parents were parents who were raised in the Great Depression, and therefore, they essentially grew up with that scarcity mindset, where, you know, resources are limited.
• 19:24
  Ernest Ellender: Be very tight, you know, and it's a, it's kind of a fear based mentality and so it's, it, you know, that's a survivalistic way of doing things.
• 19:31
  Ernest Ellender: So it's just one example of just hundreds and hundreds of cycles and habits and ideas and things that are handed down generation to generation and a lot of times those can go really outside, really can go really outside of healthy behaviors.
• 19:44
  Ernest Ellender: You know, we talk about going down the bayou in isolated areas and even right in the middle of the cities.
• 19:50
  Ernest Ellender: It's just these environments that invite or maintain tremendous amounts of trauma.
• 19:54
  Ernest Ellender: And when I saw my clients would come in with just insane amounts of trauma, and so, that was what drove me to want to drew me to that topic, and then once I had a curriculum for it that I really believe in, that I that speaks to all the different variables that are important to address in that environment, I put it into my book.
• 20:11
  Ernest Ellender: At that point, you know, serving an individual after individual with this curriculum that is pretty polished after 10 years, I really want to offer that curriculum to more people.
• 20:20
  Ernest Ellender: I keep doing it one at a time, it's just I feel like I could be helping so many more people and that's what I want.
• 20:25
  Ernest Ellender: I want to help so many more people And so the book is it's you know, so so so new.
• 20:29
  Ernest Ellender: It's really fun to be right on that edge of now being able to offer it to more people It's really exciting.
• 20:34
  Tom: So, how can people can get ahold of you and learn more about your program and your book?
• 20:39
  Ernest Ellender: They can read a little bit more about my book at healfromchildhood.
• 20:42
  Ernest Ellender: com that's just from my, or they can find it in the Amazon bookstore.
• 20:45
  Ernest Ellender: Under This Is How We Heal From Painful Childhoods.
• 20:48
  Ernest Ellender: And then also my life coaching services are at ernestellenderphd.com.
• 20:52
  Ernest Ellender: So, it is a lot of complex topics, and I did not a lot of times people kinda, I find with a lot of self help books there's a lot of general, a lot of awesome encouragement and supportive statements and affirmations type of things and then there's the nuts and bolts of yep, How do I?
• 21:07
  Ernest Ellender: change some of these things and this book is a very kind of like a technical training manual, 20 rules that help you put it into rules because that's a little easier for people to learn, don't do this.
• 21:18
  Ernest Ellender: You know, it's a, when memorize the rules, we'll see those situations come up daily in life.
• 21:22
  Ernest Ellender: Every day, these things come up repeatedly.
• 21:24
  Ernest Ellender: And so, there's 20 of these rules.
• 21:26
  Ernest Ellender: And because it's so technical, definitely can, it can be difficult to apply on one's own.
• 21:30
  Ernest Ellender: So if they have their own therapist, fantastic.
• 21:33
  Ernest Ellender: Read the book and then, let them help you apply those concepts.
• 21:35
  Ernest Ellender: Or life coach, I do the virtual online coaching as well as in person.
• 21:40
  Tom: Awesome.
• 21:40
  Tom: Well, this was just a fascinating conversation.
• 21:42
  Tom: We could go on and on, I think for a long time.
• 21:45
  Tom: But you know, the time has gone so, so quickly.
• 21:47
  Tom: So thank you so much, Ernest, for sharing your wisdom and your journey from, you know, having the business and learning more about business and being successful in terms of writing your book as well.
• 21:58
  Tom: So congratulations on that.
• 22:00
  Ernest Ellender: Thank you.
• 22:00
  Ernest Ellender: for having me on the show and for enabling me to offer my services, my book to more people and thank you for doing what you do, A, for the book you wrote and B, for this podcast that does encourage the people who are heart-led to learn how to technically balance those things for maximum productivity.
• 22:17
  Ernest Ellender: Those are the people I want to be the most productive people in the world.
• 22:20
  Tom: Yeah, because the more heart-led people we have in the world that are, they're making a profit.
• 22:25
  Tom: They're thriving.
• 22:26
  Tom: The more people that are going to be helped, which is just going to make everybody so much better.
• 22:30
  Ernest Ellender: Thank you for that resource of this awesome podcast.
• 22:32
  Tom: You're very welcome.
• 22:33
  Tom: And thank you for being here.
• 22:34
  Tom: And thank you listeners for watching the show today and or listening to the show, depending on what platform you're on.
• 22:39
  Tom: I really appreciate it.
• 22:40
  Tom: I know Ernest definitely appreciates it as well.
• 22:43
  Tom: Make sure you're checking out everything that he's doing in the show notes.
• 22:46
  Tom: We're going to link up his book, his website, along with the other resources that he shared as well.
• 22:51
  Tom: So make sure you check that out and consider working with him as you might be struggling with some generational trauma in your life and I think most families probably have some of that in them.
• 23:02
  Tom: And until next time, lead with your heart.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: You've been listening to the heart-led Business Show, hosted by Tom Jackobs.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: Join us next time for another inspiring journey into the heart of business.