Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / How the Mentor Gap Hurts Women Mid-Career
Transcript
- Lucas: There's this moment in a woman's career that nobody warns you about. You're maybe 35, you've got solid experience, you've been promoted once or twice — and suddenly the mentorship that helped you get here just... evaporates. Luna: The mentorship cliff. I've heard that term from a few women in our listener community, actually. They say it hits right around the time you're supposed to be accelerating. Lucas: Exactly. And there's hard data on this now. LeanIn.Org and McKinsey published their latest Women in the Workplace report in 2025, and one finding jumped out: women over 35 are about 40 percent less likely to have a mentor than men the same age. For sponsorship — someone who actively advocates for your next promotion — the gap is even wider. Women are 60 percent less likely to have a sponsor. Luna: That's stark. And it's not because women don't want mentors. I think it's structural. Most formal mentorship programs are aimed at high-potentials in their twenties. After that, you're supposed to 'have it figured out.' Lucas: Right. The assumption is that by mid-career, you don't need that scaffolding anymore. But the reality is, the challenges get more complex — navigating organizational politics, managing a team for the first time, balancing visible assignments with 'office housework.' That's exactly when you need guidance most. Luna: So what's actually causing the gap? Is it that senior leaders are less willing to mentor women at this stage, or that women stop asking? Lucas: It's both, but the data suggests the 'ask' side is a bigger factor than we think. In the same LeanIn survey, women reported being less likely to proactively seek mentorship after 35, often because they feel they should already know the answers. There's also a self-reinforcing cycle: if you don't see other mid-career women with mentors, you assume it's not a thing you're supposed to have. Luna: And men? Do men feel the same hesitation? Lucas: Apparently not. Men at the same career stage are much more likely to reach out to senior leaders, even cold. One study from Harvard Business Review found that men are four times more likely to ask a senior executive for career advice than women are. And when they ask, they tend to ask for sponsorship directly — 'Can you help me get this role?' — while women more often ask for general advice. Luna: Which gets you less traction. I've seen that play out. So what's a practical fix? Because telling women 'just ask more' isn't really helpful if the system is stacked. Lucas: Fair point. One model that's gaining traction is what some companies call 'mini-mentors.' Instead of one long-term mentor, you have a series of short-term, project-specific mentors. At Deloitte, for example, they piloted a program where mid-career women could sign up for a three-month mentorship focused on a single skill — like negotiating a budget or presenting to the board. The results were strong: participants reported a 30 percent increase in confidence around those specific tasks. Luna: That makes sense. It lowers the stakes. You're not asking someone to commit to a year of lunches; you're asking for three focused conversations. That's much easier to say yes to. Lucas: And it builds a network of multiple mentors rather than relying on one. The concept of a 'personal board of advisors' is something we've talked about on this show before — but the mini-mentor model makes it concrete. You end up with five or six people who each know a piece of your career, and collectively they can open doors. Luna: You know, we're talking about mentorship gaps and how to close them, and it reminds me that one reason we can have these detailed conversations is because this show doesn't run ads. We don't have to pitch you anything. If you find episodes like this useful — if it's helped you think about a career move or a negotiation — you can support that choice at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a low-key way to keep the content ad-free and focused on what matters. Lucas: Yeah, and we really mean that. No pressure ever. Just if it's added value for you. And we'll keep digging into the data either way. Luna: So back to the tactic. The 'ask for three names' method — can you walk through that? Lucas: Sure. It's a simple framing that changes the dynamic. Instead of asking a senior leader 'Will you be my mentor?' — which is a heavy ask — you say, 'I'm building a list of people whose perspective I admire. Could you suggest three people you think I should talk to?' Luna: Oh, that's smart. You're not asking for their time directly, you're asking for their network. And most people are happy to share names. Lucas: Exactly. And it often leads to an introduction. The person you asked might say, 'Actually, let me introduce you to one of them.' Now you have a warm connection. And you can repeat that with multiple people. Over six months, you can build a board of ten advisors without ever making a cold ask. Luna: So it's a combinatorial strategy. Each conversation generates more leads. I like that. Lucas: And there's a second-order benefit. When you ask for names, you're signaling that you're strategic and proactive. That itself can build your reputation as someone who's serious about growth. Luna: What about the sponsorship side? Because mentorship is great for advice, but sponsorship is what actually gets you the promotion. Lucas: Sponsorship is harder to engineer, but the mini-mentor model can feed into it. If you work closely with a senior leader on a three-month project, and you deliver, they're much more likely to advocate for you later. The key is to make your work visible. One tactic: after a project, send a brief note summarizing the impact — not to brag, but to make it easy for them to remember your contribution when a role opens up. Luna: That's a good habit. And it's something women often skip because we're taught not to toot our own horn. Lucas: Right. But it's not bragging if it's factual and tied to a shared goal. 'Here's what we accomplished together' frames it as a team win while still highlighting your role. Luna: So let's say a listener is 38, feeling stuck, no mentor in sight. What's the one thing she should do this week? Lucas: Identify one specific skill or challenge she wants to work on — not a vague 'career growth' but something like 'improving my executive presence in meetings.' Then think of one person inside or outside her company who excels at that. Send a short email: 'I'm working on X and I really admire how you do Y. Would you be open to a 20-minute chat about your approach?' Luna: Short, specific, low commitment. That feels actionable. Lucas: It is. And if she gets a yes, she's started building her board. One conversation leads to the next. Luna: I think the broader point here is that mentorship isn't a gift you receive — it's a network you construct. And the data shows women are less likely to construct it intentionally after 35. But the tools are there. Lucas: Yeah. And companies have a role too. The best ones are redesigning mentorship programs to be modular, not one-size-fits-all. But while they catch up, individual action can close a lot of the gap. Luna: And that's the kind of concrete step we like to leave listeners with. Build your board, one name at a time. Lucas: Next episode, we'll look at a related challenge: how women's networks tend to be less diverse in seniority — and how to break that pattern. Until then, keep asking for those names.