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Transcript

The Gift of Presence · Infinitely Precious

• 0:00
  Intro: Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by infinitely precious LLC. Your host is James Henry. Remember, you are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are.
• 0:12
  James: Hello, beloved. It's me, James, and I'm back with you live. If you are a regular watcher on our Tuesday stream, whether it's on the church's website or it's on our Facebook page or my own personal Facebook page, or whether you listen to it in the afternoon on my podcast. In any case, you will know that we have not been live for several weeks. I was away taking care of some family business, my father's medical power of attorney, and so I had some things to do.
• 0:57
  He's been in the hospital. And because of that, I had to prioritize away from these moments. You've got rebroadcasts. So today, I'm back and I'm glad to be back. Dad's still not out of the woods, still working his way through, but he's gotten better and is meant to be released today to start doing some physical therapy, etcetera, to get back in shape.
• 1:29
  So as such, I thought I would talk a little bit about the wisdom of friends and how remaining connected in the spiritual community in some way would help along this journey of faith. I would tell you that the first week, which would have been two weeks ago, that I spent out of town with my family, most focused on dad in the intensive care unit, was a time where it was a real rollercoaster, up and down. And I kept getting more and more focused on the outcomes of dad's stay in the hospital, which as you know, or as you might guess, becoming focused on outcomes takes you out of the moment. It takes you away from where you are right now and kind of thrusts you into the unknown because you really don't know what the outcome will be. There are many possible outcomes, and we were constantly getting new information that suggested a different outcome each time.
• 2:47
  So, the challenge became, I became more and more challenged in my ability to really be present for dad and for others in this journey to potential recovery. So I spent a week there, came back, did my weekend thing, preaching and kind of recovering a little bit. And then I got a call on Monday that said, we really need you to come back down sooner than you anticipated because things aren't looking good. That was, last week and when I got there, dad seemed generally alright and actually with each successive day last week got better. The weekend when I had been gone had been bad, but then he got successively better a little bit each day.
• 3:42
  And I had a good friend, Sarah, who reminded me, she said, James, you don't get so caught up in the outcomes and what's yet to come. Instead, practice being present. That's what your real gift is. Practice being present. And that was a wake up moment for me, being where you are.
• 4:04
  I talk about it all the time, I encourage it, but in the midst of my own concerns and sort of crisis of making choices, medical choices with and for dad, I kind of lost touch with that need to be in the moment. So all of last week, each day, Monday through Friday before I left once again to come back home, I was really there. I spent pretty much all day, every day at the hospital with dad sitting he was downgraded from an intensive care to a step down unit. I spent a lot of time sitting with him, feeding him as necessary, and just sometimes sitting in silence, watching him nap, and sometimes having significant conversations. But there was a big difference in the week because every day, instead of being a concern for what the outcome would be, every moment of every day, for the most part, was really about just being present.
• 5:13
  What a tremendous gift it was to sit with dad for him to be able to share what he was thinking or concerned about. We had several opportunities to talk about death, and his concerns about them or his sense of ease and peace with that, which he has, and what his concerns about the rest of us or for the rest of us were. Should death be the step that happened sooner rather than later? I mean, after all, we're all going there, as he reminded us. He quipped with me.
• 5:55
  He was in no rush. He was not speeding it up in any way. But when it came, it came. So that time with dad was a real gift. We took the time together so that I don't feel like I have any unfinished business with my father.
• 6:22
  And I suspect he doesn't feel like he has any unfinished business with me. We had the time to really be present together somewhere between eight and ten hours a day, and just being there makes a difference. Have you ever noticed in your own life how it can make a real difference when you show up and are with the people you care about just there, not thinking about what's next, not thinking about what the outcome of this particular visit's going to be or about when it will end or any of those things, but just being there. If you haven't tried that out, it's worth practicing really being with the people that you spend time with, really being where you are, even if it's in the grocery store and everyone around you is pretty much strangers. Making the time to be where you are, you see things you might not have seen, you hear things you might not have heard, and instead of being reactive from moment to moment to moment, you have the opportunity to respond, to recognize this sentence dad just said, I don't have to say anything back to.
• 7:43
  I can just receive it and appreciate it. And then no answer is necessary. Wasn't seeking an answer, just making a statement. And I think that's something perhaps most of us miss in this life. What would it feel like for you if you were really in the moment, especially with the people you love, but even with the people you don't even know?
• 8:15
  What would you see that you are quick to miss because you are speeding by? You're in your next destination or you're in the outcome of this meeting you're in rather than in the meeting itself when you might even get clues as to better ways to engage right now. We live in a society that seems to invite us to a place of outcomes. What would the outcome be? And we measure things by outcomes.
• 8:51
  I mean, hospital outcomes in America are not even near the top of industrial nations in the world, and it's worth measuring that. Those outcomes come from each moment and careful choice that's made along the way, and what are the choices we're making in this moment? Without knowing what's going to happen, can you be really right here making the best choice you can make right now? And if you can be, perhaps that will impact what the outcome is. But getting focused on the outcome alone makes you miss the moment.
• 9:32
  I could have missed out on every single one of the five days I spent sitting with my father and with others who came in to visit him and checking on his well-being. I could have missed those days focused on what was next. Certainly, preparing for the future is not a bad thing. Not saying that at all, but getting so focused there that you miss now, think causes you to miss out on the beauty of this life we have to live and share together. All I'm inviting you to do is to learn from my experience, if you will, of initially failing in my contemplative practice of being where I am and being reminded by someone.
• 10:22
  So, I guess a couple of questions. Do you have some people who can help you remember to be where you are? Remind you when you seem to get out of your skin into some unknown future or some uncertain reality in which you find yourself? Do you have friends? Do you have a community of people who are willing to call you out?
• 10:44
  That's worth it. It's worth finding people who care enough about you to call you out and remind you how to be present. Are you present when you get a chance? Are you practicing ways to be present when you're there? I will suggest to you that a simple meditation practice is worth the time of practicing being in the space.
• 11:07
  Seems like you're not doing anything at all, and you aren't. You're practicing being where you are without the need to do. You practice being recognizing you're a human being and focusing less on the fact that our society tells us we're human doings. So get back in the moment, be present where you are, you never know what gift this moment will bring and you might miss it if you're focused somewhere else. Find the people that will call you back.
• 11:38
  But remember in the midst of all of that, you are indeed infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are. Until the next time I join you, wish you all the best.