Latest / The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast / Your Community Shapes Who You Become

Transcript

Your Community Shapes Who You Become · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Spiritual Shit Show.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Julie Wynn, and of all of the podcasts that you can be listening to right now, you have landed here and I appreciate that so so much.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: So thank you for being here.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Today's episode is called Becoming.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: I started this podcast a long time ago because I entered what I knew was my own personal spiritual shit show.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I knew that things needed to fall apart so I could fall into more of what I wanted in my life, more of what I wanted to experience, and the rupture of how it all happened and how my life became so disrupted was not easy.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: But here I am and I am so happy to be on the other side.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I'm hoping that the stories and the shares and the ahas can also give you something to anchor into.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: So, wherever you are in life, that you know that it is part of the becoming, you are becoming more of yourself and, even if it feels messy and a total shit show, you're in it, you're doing it and I promise it's going to get better.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: For a long time, I called it my healing.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I'm healing from this, I'm healing from that, I'm healing from my past traumas, and now I love being able to see this healing more as becoming, and maybe it's a shift in language, but for me, honestly, it feels like so much more because healing started to feel like something I needed to complete, like I was broken and I couldn't actually get into a new life when I was healing all of these other parts.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: But if I reframe it and I allow myself to be in the becoming of self, the becoming is living, it's breathing, it's unfolding, it's continuous blooms, it's soul-led and, most importantly, it's not about fixing, it's about remembering.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Because I am where I am now, I have been reflecting on the layers that have built my life and, more importantly, the ones I have had to shed.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I used to live so guarded, and especially in the world where I came from, hello, competitive dance.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Competitive dance was full of ego and never being good enough and always having to work and always having to prove your worth, and made it tricky to really develop authentic relationships, because you felt that every relationship that you had, it was because they wanted something.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: It was very transactional and being in that for so long didn't really allow me to know what safe relationships are, what it's like to have a friendship that isn't transactional, that I could be friends with another mom, not because she wanted to get her kid ahead and dance, but honestly because we were friends.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: So that was kind of tricky waters to navigate and I am not in that anymore and I am realizing that while I was in that space there just really wasn't a lot of room for softness, for space for the spirit to actually be.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: And when I look back now I see how much of myself I had to protect just to survive, how much I had to protect so I could be successful, how much that I had to protect and show up in a certain way so I could deal with everything that came along with owning a competitive dance studio.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't just my time or my energy, but how much of my essence I had to protect.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I had to protect so much of what we carry in our lives, our people, our patterns, our pain.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: It shows up in the body.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Our body remembers how safe we've been allowed to be and that shows up in how we move, how we breathe, how we are.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: I love dance because dance is really such an incredible opening for joy, for authenticity.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: When you see somebody authentically dancing, it literally moves your spirit.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: It reminds you what it feels like to be alive, that we are physical bodies in poetic motion.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I am so deeply grateful for my past.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I am so deeply grateful that I had the opportunity to build a business, and a business that was supposed to be about community and art and growth and support, and I'm grateful that I have still a profession that requires me to be in my body, requires me to be in my body.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: It is because of movement that I have been able to continue to become more of myself and in this reflection, when I am really gathering, is just how important your community is.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Your community matters like, deeply matters.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Maybe you've heard the quote that you are the five people you spend most of your time with, and I didn't really realize how true that was until I started changing who I let close to me.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Once I shifted from the first half of my life in that community and all of that kind of went away and I was given the somewhat painful opportunity to rebuild my life, to reclaim my story, to hear my own voice again, to remember who I am.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I have had the brilliant experience of being able to now know what it's like to have healthy friendships, friendships that are not transactional.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I can surround myself with people who we know how to land in spaces with one another.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: We have really honest, sacred conversations.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: We allow each other to just be.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: We share our stories, we share what we're getting triggered at in the moment.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: We see each other for where we are in each other's lives and we support that and we celebrate that and we encourage that.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: It's brilliant, it's lives, and we support that and we celebrate that and we encourage that.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: It's brilliant.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: It's brilliant.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: And at 46 years old, I'm like, oh my God.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, yes, my best friends I've had since I was in kindergarten, and that in itself is such a gem to have.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: But these new adult friendships and relationships that I've been able to cultivate over the past couple years have truly been game changers.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: It is this friend group that has really allowed me to not heal but to become.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: They remind me who I am.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: There, literally, is something sacred about being around people who feel good for your soul, and when I am around these people, my spirit can actually dance in my body.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: It is safe enough to be.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: There's no hustle, I don't have to shrink, I don't have to perform, I don't have to hide, I don't have to apologize later if I'm thinking did I say the wrong thing?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Was that too much?
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Did I offend you?
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Like any of that, we just get to exist and we get to be in joy.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: And when I'm around people who agitate my ego or stir up those protective parts in me, I also notice that my body gets tight, I get small, I don't feel like me, I literally don't want to have to hang around anybody, that I have to prepare myself before I see them.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: And for a long time I thought gossiping about other people was normal.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: I thought that shit talking behind people's backs was normal.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: I thought that having to protect yourself and prove yourself was normal.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I thought that having a friend tell you that your thighs are too big and they shouldn't be touching was normal oh my God, the dance world.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I tell you what.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: And I thought that success had to come from this hardening and also being friends with people who could get me ahead.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: And in those friendships I thought that we were friends.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: But really again I realized it was just simply all transactional, all of it.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: In this rebuild of my life, this clearing out the awarenesses, the ahas, the becoming, I was trying to build my brand and I was trying to become that person that has risen from the ashes and now I'm going to fulfill my dreams, my goals.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I talked about that a little bit in the past podcast and it just has been a slow go trying to get anything in any direction.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: And I had a friend who was like I want to help you with your website and I want to help you with your branding.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: It's what I do, I want to help you kind of, you know, zhuzh it up a little bit and I was like amazing, because branding I'm really having a hard time with because I've wanted to put myself out there in a role that I felt like people then would know who I am.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: People then would know who I am.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: And what I began to see is the more professional I put myself out there as and aesthetically clean, the more I also noticed I was guarding myself.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: More of this protective part was coming in.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Ultimately, it was because this is not who I am.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: My friend, who just happens to be the most radiant, light-filled soul there is on the planet a brilliant creator offered to help me with my website, with the rebrand, and instead of giving me the clean, polished, buttoned-up image, she my friend gave me back my color.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: My friend gave me back my color, my joy, my wild, sacred, woo-infused, permission-giving, playful self, and in this moment I remembered this is who I have always been.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: This is why things haven't been happening, because this is who I am and I don't have to hide who I am to be taken seriously, and I don't have to fit into someone else's version of professional or it doesn't have to look a certain way on Instagram like every other person on Instagram and other social media platforms, I get to be myself, and having somebody give me the permission to do that Just felt like such an incredible gift.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: I just have to become the fullest version of myself.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: So I say this to you today as a little check-in for your own becoming.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Who are you becoming with?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Who gets to see you in your joy, who feels safe for your soul to land with?
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Because when your relationships feel nourishing, when you are seen and celebrated and supported and you can be messy and magical with, it changes everything.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Be messy and magical with it changes everything.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: And if you don't feel that in your current community, it's okay, a little scary, but it is okay to begin again.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Just simply begin asking the universe.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Please bring me really supportive, cool, authentic, inspiring people to fill my life with.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Up now, it's okay to seek out soul family.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: It's okay to rebuild your life around love instead of fear.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: It's okay to have healthy relationships that aren't always so superficial or transactional.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: You're allowed to become who you really are.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: You're allowed to be colorful, messy, raw, real, radiant, and you are never, ever, ever, ever meant to do this journey of life alone.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: So here's to becoming, here's to choosing joy, here's to surrounding yourself with the kind of energy that lets your spirit dance, surrounding yourself with people who inspire you towards freedom, authenticity, creativity, love.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Dance, and I am so glad you're here.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening and, as always, take what resonates, leave the rest and remember you are doing better than you think and I am cheering for you the whole way, celebrating you, your light, your magic.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: If this episode spoke to you, please share it with someone you love, or leave a review and come on over and say hi on Instagram, which is jujulove underscore win, or check out the website at numinouswisdomcom.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you being here.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: I appreciate all the support and talk later you.