Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Get Free of the Personality Box | Wholehearted Enneagram Summit '21

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Get Free of the Personality Box | Wholehearted Enneagram Summit '21 · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:02
SPEAKER_05: Hi, my name is Amy Wicks, and I help you navigate the overwhelm and frustration of motherhood through faith, Enneagram, and simple plans.
0:12
SPEAKER_05: As a faith-based Enneagram coach, I champion you to love your mothering style because you are the mom your kids need, even when you don't feel like it.
0:23
SPEAKER_05: I'm a mountain mama who somehow ended up on a cul-de-sac in the Midwest, overwhelmed and frustrated by motherhood.
0:31
SPEAKER_05: But the Lord didn't let me stay there.
0:33
SPEAKER_05: He helped me turn the challenges of motherhood into a wholehearted decision to get intentional with my faith, my self-awareness, and my family.
0:43
SPEAKER_05: Each episode of this podcast provides perspective through story, wholehearted purpose, and simple plans so you can discover how to love your mothering style and be confident that you are the mom your kids need.
0:56
SPEAKER_05: Think of this podcast as your on-the-go mom pal and friend who can't help but talk about Jesus and the Enneagram.
1:04
SPEAKER_05: So get to that pile of laundry, or hit the treadmill, or load up the kids in the car for that grocery run.
1:11
SPEAKER_05: Get ready to be encouraged and empowered while you listen.
1:15
SPEAKER_05: This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
1:23
SPEAKER_05: If you haven't heard already, well, you should know that I love samples.
1:29
SPEAKER_05: I like to try before I buy, and I also like to have just a little taste of something to see if I want more of it.
1:36
SPEAKER_05: So today, once again, I am giving you a few more samples of the wholehearted Enneagram Summit that is happening right now this week.
1:45
SPEAKER_05: If you haven't yet signed up for this free event, I really don't know what you're waiting for.
1:50
SPEAKER_05: Because I promise, if you are my people, you will love the summit.
1:54
SPEAKER_05: You gotta sign up today, though, to get all 20 sessions in your inbox this week.
2:01
SPEAKER_05: Now, first up on this sample episode is some of our favorites.
2:05
SPEAKER_05: It's our favorite Enneagram 6 and Enneagram 9 couple.
2:09
SPEAKER_05: Jeff and Beth McCord from your Enneagram Coach.
2:13
SPEAKER_05: Now, if you're my friend, you know Beth McCord well.
2:16
SPEAKER_05: But this was the first time I got to interview them as a couple.
2:20
SPEAKER_05: Their becoming a spoke in course has been amazingly helpful.
2:23
SPEAKER_05: So I knew I wanted them to share some critical elements that would help all of my friends.
2:28
SPEAKER_05: So today you're gonna get a little insight about Jeff's Enneagram journey and even what to do if your partner isn't into the Enneagram as much as you are.
2:37
SPEAKER_05: Yep, I know a few of you have that problem.
2:39
SPEAKER_05: So in the full summit session, you're gonna get insight not only into all of those topics, but also on communication struggles and tips for each personality type.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: And I was a little bit of the reluctant spouse.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: So I know this happens, it's very, very common to even make it more specific.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: Uh husbands uh don't want to engage with the Indian.
3:01
SPEAKER_06: I'm glad you said that's right.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: Uh there's rightful concerns about it.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: Uh one, um, you know, it it is interesting that Enneagram does with such specificity and clarity, name what's happening internally.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: Uh, there's a lot of fear for men that it's going to be used against them uh as a tool for uh criticalness.
3:21
SPEAKER_06: Right.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then number two, uh a lot of men have experienced personality assessments in their uh professional lives, and they don't move the needle at all.
3:31
SPEAKER_00: It's like a worthless exercise.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't change the way you relate to other people, uh, or it's just kind of kitschy and uh irrelevant.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: And then thirdly, uh, you know, as with all people, then that we don't want to be stereotyped or presumed upon.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: You know, the phrase that commonly people use is I don't want to be put in a box.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so but what what happened for Beth and I is that one, I thought I was an eight for years.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: And but uh as it wasn't just Beth who was unclear about herself, I identified as an eight because I didn't want to acknowledge my fear because realistically I'm a type six.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: And when I was able to name that, it opened the door for uh a new way of relating for Beth and I.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: And the Enneagram no longer was this tool to be used against me.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, it was not to be used to presume upon one another or put me in a box, but it was a way of accessing what's happening inside of me that's getting in the way of being able to connect with Beth.
4:37
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I think the biggest thing that we try to teach with the Enneagram is to not use the Enneagram as a sword or a shield.
4:44
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
4:44
SPEAKER_04: And it's so important because the Enneagram is exposing the core of why you think, feel, and behave in particular ways.
4:53
SPEAKER_04: And if you're gonna belittle, tease, mock, make fun of, or just be blunt and harsh with another person or even to yourself, that is only gonna create more and more dynamics that are harmful for yourself and others.
5:09
SPEAKER_04: And so we want to recognize, you know, God created us uniquely to reflect him and to glorify him.
5:16
SPEAKER_04: Now, on this side of the fall, there is sin and it affects us, it harms us.
5:21
SPEAKER_04: But we want to we want to tread lightly and gently with one another because this is such a core aspect of who we are.
5:28
SPEAKER_04: So we don't want to use it as a sword.
5:30
SPEAKER_04: We also don't want to use it as a shear like, hey Jeff, I'm a type nine.
5:32
SPEAKER_04: Sometimes I disassociate, you're just gonna have to deal with it.
5:36
SPEAKER_04: Like that does not promote no good relationships.
5:39
SPEAKER_04: And if anything, that's the opposite of what Christ is asking us to do.
5:43
SPEAKER_04: We are to renew our mind to become more like him.
5:46
SPEAKER_04: Now, we can't just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.
5:49
SPEAKER_04: We have to surrender and depend on him to work in and through us.
5:52
SPEAKER_04: But the first way of doing that is to acknowledge and to see what's actually happening within ourselves and one another, and to have the empathy and the grace, the compassion that we each need to move forward.
6:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, this is so good.
6:07
SPEAKER_05: And I love hearing your perspective, Jeff, on that, because the resistance is real.
6:12
SPEAKER_05: We, you know, most of us who are here today, we're maybe just super grateful right now that our spouse is on board, but most likely we're here doing the work because we are realizing that this could be a really great tool, but not everyone is necessarily on board.
6:29
SPEAKER_05: So I'm excited because I think you're gonna be able to give us tools that, regardless of if our spouse is on board or not, that we can implement and we can begin to see and um and and leave the uh the weapons to the full armor of God and not to the enneagram.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: Sure, sure.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
6:49
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's so good.
6:50
SPEAKER_05: Okay, so I'm gonna have you give the overview.
6:53
SPEAKER_05: We're gonna talk about the dance, and then we're going to have some specifics for every Enneagram type.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: Uh a few principles to keep in mind.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Uh, marriage researcher John Gottman, uh, in his decades of researching marriages, uh, discovered this that 70% of marital conflict does not have a right answer.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: 70%.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: Now, I I I we do joke a little bit because he did obviously did not interview type ones and type eights, who always have the right answer.
7:28
SPEAKER_06: But I'm glad you said it now.
7:31
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: But what then it begs the question then, why are we fighting?
7:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know, as couples, you you start to experience one another in this way where you know the conflicts coming just by the tone, the disposition, the energy in the room, and you're making the decision, are we gonna do this dance or or not?
7:54
SPEAKER_00: Like because we know how it's going to end, yeah, and it feels inevitable.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: And and that's where the Enneagram with the gospel applied changes everything.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because what the Bible speaks to this, and James 4, uh James Rice said, What causes fights and quarrels among you?
8:14
SPEAKER_00: Don't they come from the desires that wage war in our hearts?
8:18
SPEAKER_00: Meaning, conflict externally begins with conflict internally.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: I've never said it that way before, but that was pretty picking up.
8:24
SPEAKER_06: That is good.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: That'll tweet, that'll tweet right there.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's right.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Hand it out there, folks.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: Be sure to tag me on that one.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, but Jesus even said it in Luke 6 uh out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: So what Beth and I started to see is our dance is fueled not by the behaviors, but what happened was happening internally.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: And if we're able to identify with clarity, with vocabulary, with mutual understanding and validation, wow, that changes how we respond to one another when we're disorganized internally.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: And the Enneagram speaks directly to what's happening internally.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: So, Beth, why don't you talk a little bit about core motivations as it relates to marriage?
9:12
SPEAKER_05: Next up is my friend Myrna Cervetti.
9:15
SPEAKER_05: She leads us an Enneagram type one and is the talent behind Inea Health.
9:20
SPEAKER_05: I love the idea of bringing how we incorporate mindful eating in a way that is beneficial to our unique personality.
9:27
SPEAKER_05: Because if it's customized to our needs and mindsets, I think we'll be a lot more successful.
9:34
SPEAKER_05: Myrna talks about what she has learned in raising her donor, who she calls an threenager.
9:41
SPEAKER_05: And she also brings up the universal mindsets that we can learn, we can adapt to to make healthier choices.
9:48
SPEAKER_05: Now, during the summit, we're going to dive into every single type, but today you're going to hear a couple of ideas that you can put into practice no matter your personality.
9:57
SPEAKER_02: Well, mindful eating is the topic that I'll be sharing on today.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I guess to give it a definition, it's funny because as a type one, we like that structure, we like precise things, and I've learned to be a little more seven in my world.
10:12
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so this is kind of like the definition according to health line, but I'm also gonna give you all of my like nuances underneath it, as with everything that I share.
10:22
SPEAKER_02: Is a way of eating that helps you gain control over your eating habits.
10:25
SPEAKER_02: So it's been shown to promote or support weight loss, I would say, reduce binge eating, and honestly just help you feel better overall because you are mindful.
10:34
SPEAKER_02: And I think we can see that from the perspective of like when we're more mindful in life in general, we tend to have generally overall more positive well-being.
10:44
SPEAKER_02: It's a practice of like bringing our full attention and awareness to your experience with food.
10:50
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I say all the time, like, the goal is to lavish every bite.
10:53
SPEAKER_02: If I am putting something out, I want to enjoy, and if I'm not going to enjoy it, it has no business going in my mouth.
11:00
SPEAKER_02: And so it truly is to like thoroughly enjoy food in the moment without judgment.
11:07
SPEAKER_02: If I'm about to eat an apple and I feel guilty about eating the apple, I need to stop, check my emotions, check what's happening.
11:12
SPEAKER_02: And then once I am in alignment with what's happening in terms of me eating that apple, then I can fully engage in the experience of eating an apple.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: But if I'm gonna feel guilty about something, I'm not gonna eat it.
11:23
SPEAKER_02: It's just not okay.
11:24
SPEAKER_02: To me, it's not okay.
11:25
SPEAKER_02: I can't lavish that bite.
11:26
SPEAKER_02: It's I shouldn't be eating it.
11:28
SPEAKER_02: Um, and it really just requires us tuning into our thoughts and our feelings and just the physical sensation of food.
11:34
SPEAKER_02: And honestly, like reconnecting to that innate inner food wisdom.
11:38
SPEAKER_02: Like we all have an innate inner food wisdom that really just gets a little wonky over time through just how we're reared as children or what society tells us regarding our hunger and our fullness, but our bodies know.
11:50
SPEAKER_02: And we can tell our bodies no because when we pay attention to like our toddlers, if you have children, um, I have a toddler right now, and we are thoroughly in three nature phase right now.
11:58
SPEAKER_02: But when it comes to food, she knows when she's hungry and she knows when she's not, and there is no fighting her in that.
12:05
SPEAKER_02: And there it helps that she's a little stubborn, so there's no fighting her.
12:09
SPEAKER_02: If she's not hungry and she's not gonna eat, she's just not gonna eat.
12:12
SPEAKER_02: And it's something that my husband and I had to accept and like check ourselves on and realizing, like, I have no idea if she's full or not.
12:18
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm not in her stomach, I'm not her.
12:20
SPEAKER_02: So if she's telling me she's done and she's good, I need to trust the fact that she's done and she's good, even though she only ate one bite.
12:27
SPEAKER_02: Um, and even with the foods that she chooses, like she goes through seasons where she like really, really loves her pastas or she really, really loves her oatmeal, or she really, really just wants vegetables, typically just broccoli, and just trusting that like her body is telling her what she wants.
12:41
SPEAKER_02: And while we'll give her all of the options, if she's gonna like lean in towards one specific thing more, then we'll allow her to lean into that one specific thing more and trust that like she knows what she's talking about.
12:51
SPEAKER_02: And I think the same applies for us as adults is in doing that same thing, like trusting that our body knows it.
12:58
SPEAKER_05: Well, I'm loving the three major thing.
13:01
SPEAKER_05: I wish I had known that when I had three majors because it's real, it's so true.
13:07
SPEAKER_05: And now that I have actual teenagers, there is some good advice there of where, like for mamas, you know, just a little tidbit that, you know, you choose your battles.
13:18
SPEAKER_05: And I think food is not one of those unless you have a life-threatening issue at hand and the doctor tells you, then like go like lead with grace in that to just that concept of letting letting our our kids kind of help lead the way in what it is that they're interested in and they're excited about and what they need.
13:40
SPEAKER_05: And probably if we really gave that to ourselves, we would find the same.
13:45
SPEAKER_05: So I love that.
13:46
SPEAKER_05: I feel so inspired right now.
13:48
SPEAKER_02: It can be really tricky, especially with all of the options out there with what society is saying.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: And um, it's it's tricky being a one where it's like, should I be gluten-free?
13:58
SPEAKER_02: Should I be like sticking to keto?
13:59
SPEAKER_02: What is the right thing to be doing in this situation?
14:02
SPEAKER_02: And realizing like we all ultimately have our own unique eating experience.
14:05
SPEAKER_02: Like, if I need to be gluten-free, like I'm 90% sure my husband needs to be gluten-free.
14:10
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm pretty sure he has an allergy to gluten.
14:12
SPEAKER_02: He hasn't gotten there yet, and that's okay.
14:14
SPEAKER_02: He's allowed to have his own unique eating experience.
14:16
SPEAKER_02: Um, he does get a little itchy after he has gluten every single time.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: I think that there's like consistency there proving a point.
14:23
SPEAKER_02: But until he's ready to like own it with scratching afterwards, by all means, scratch, and one day you'll realize like maybe you need to do something different.
14:32
SPEAKER_02: But there's no right, like everyone is allowed to have their own unique eating experience.
14:38
SPEAKER_02: Um, and just reflecting, I think, on the effect of just unmindful eating and where that leads so often is places where people don't want to be, um, in terms of maybe what they look like in the mirror or how they feel emotionally every time after we eat.
14:53
SPEAKER_02: Like Thanksgiving is a notorious example for like if we overeat at Thanksgiving, we all feel really like lazy and just kind of want to sit back and not do anything after Yeah, taking a nap, super popular.
15:04
SPEAKER_02: Also, like the hormones in the turkey make sense, like they add to that.
15:07
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think it's so like what is it that we want our lives to be and creating our food lives around what it is that we want out of life.
15:18
SPEAKER_02: If we want to feel lazy on Thanksgiving and that's part of our routine, by all means do it.
15:24
SPEAKER_02: Um to your point, like giving ourselves the grace to really truly have the experience and the food that we desire to have in the bigger picture of like our entire life and well-being and what we're striving for in our lives.
15:37
SPEAKER_05: Now I'd love for you to meet Brian Lee.
15:40
SPEAKER_05: He is another one of our bonus session guests.
15:43
SPEAKER_05: He happens to be the creator of gospel-centered Enneagram, and we are talking about decision-making styles.
15:50
SPEAKER_05: I think this bonus session, along with the one that I shared a little bit about last week with Kim Eddy, well, I think it's well worth the investment for the all access pass.
16:01
SPEAKER_05: And of course, you still get amazing discounts when you upgrade your free ticket.
16:05
SPEAKER_05: Now, there are a few key insights that I'm going to share in this podcast episode.
16:09
SPEAKER_05: But of course, in our bonus session in the summit, we give specific, actionable tips for every personality type.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: I came across the Enneagram about five years ago, I think now.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: And it's just I love personality tests anyway.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm a type one, so I just want to know how I can make myself and everyone else better.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: Um but with personality tests, I've always come across the ones that the first one I think I ever did was the Myers Briggs.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: And it's just kind of like, wow, how is this thing reading my mail?
16:39
SPEAKER_01: And then what I discovered is for the rest of the summer or the year, we just all argued about what does it actually mean to be an introvert or an extrovert or what do the other letters mean in combination.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: And I know that there's tons of study behind it.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think when I came across the Enneagram, it did it in such a different way because it wasn't just talking about my behaviors, but why I do things and the kind of the things that get underneath the surface of all of that.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: And the biggest difference was that it told me what to do with what I knew now.
17:06
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think it's becoming so popular because it gives so many people a common language that's easy to understand and talk about, unlike all these other, and all the other assessments are great, but I think this one for some reason is so deceptively simple in the way that we can talk about it.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: It gives people just this easy access to explain things that they've never been able to put in words before.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: And there's so much power in that.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: And it's like you're saying, it's like assessments can be great, but they're really just a starting point, right?
17:33
SPEAKER_01: So when you start doing coaching or when you start diving into things like the centers of intelligence, that's the first thing I use when I'm typing somebody.
17:40
SPEAKER_01: It's like, hey, let's break, let's nine is too complicated, let's just do three, right?
17:44
SPEAKER_06: Yes, right.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: Just that alone can have such a big aha moment for people.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, or for parents working with their kids who are kind of a little too young for typing, or for just people wanting to know about their boss.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: It's like, but I know we're not supposed to type people.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: I was like, but you can guess at center of intelligence, right?
18:01
SPEAKER_01: Um just for people having an awareness that people just process the world differently, completely differently than they do, is usually a huge eye-opening moment for people.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: And I love that.
18:12
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, me too.
18:13
SPEAKER_05: I think that's why we're in this, is it's it is fun to talk about and it's a great conversational piece.
18:20
SPEAKER_05: And and like you said, I think there's something really true to it's just nine numbers that we're familiar with.
18:25
SPEAKER_05: We don't have to worry about the millions of combinations, such as Myers Briggs.
18:30
SPEAKER_05: And again, I always point to with Myers Briggs, depending on what season of life I'm in, I'm going to test differently.
18:36
SPEAKER_05: I have operated differently.
18:37
SPEAKER_05: That has I have shapes shifted in that way.
18:40
SPEAKER_05: And that's why I like the Enneagram, because it goes to that motivation piece, because the motivation never changed, even if my external behavior did.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, of course.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: I I love the centers of intelligence because it makes things so simple.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: So if you look at the circle of the Enneagram, we break down to three primary centers, right?
19:01
SPEAKER_01: We've got the body, the heart, and the head.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: And it's how we respond by thinking, feeling, or doing.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: And I think realizing that we can do things so differently changed the way that I approach my relationships, especially if you're ever sitting in a group meeting on a lab somewhere on a TV.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: It explained to me immediately why people respond so differently.
19:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: So some of us just have a gut reaction, right?
19:26
SPEAKER_01: So if you're in the body type eights, nines, and ones, they just respond by doing it.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, here's the next thing we need to do.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: Twos, threes, and fours all want to have a feeling about it.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: And then five, six, and sevens all have a thought about what's going on.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: And the fact that we have three different ways of processing in the room and understanding that helps to mitigate so much potential conflict or arguments, or just just just unnecessary discussion or questioning.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: And mostly for me, it was just, I mean, I have an immediate snap judgment about everyone.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, that's just dumb, or that's just wrong, or you're really smart, or that hey, I never thought of it.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: And I think for me, it helped remove so much of my judgmentalism and criticism of other people when they would respond a certain way in a meeting or in a relationship or in a conversation, and just recognizing that not everyone processes the way I do just open up this whole different way of thinking for me, which was just amazing.
20:20
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
20:21
SPEAKER_05: And what I think is really great, we're going to dive into for each type what that actually looks like.
20:27
SPEAKER_05: Because even as you mentioned, you could have three gut-centered people at the table, and you all are giving a gut response, but it looks different.
20:37
SPEAKER_05: And that's where, too, like I think of the eight and one in particular, uh a lot of strong leadership qualities, again, gut response, but both of it are going to look different.
20:47
SPEAKER_05: And it's going to be easy for one or the other to kind of be vying for position or a room at the table, communication, peace, and all of that, and talking over each other or at each other instead of with one another and coming to a solid conclusion that's beneficial for everybody.
21:05
SPEAKER_05: Ashton Whitmoir Ober might be one of your favorites already.
21:09
SPEAKER_05: But in case you haven't met any of Graham Ashton, today is your chance.
21:14
SPEAKER_05: And of course, you can get your free pass to the summit and catch her session on Tuesday, August 24th.
21:21
SPEAKER_05: But in this episode, we're going to talk about getting to the core motivations when it comes to discovering what type we really lead as.
21:29
SPEAKER_05: And in the summit, we're uncovering specific lies that you might believe which are creating pain in your relationships and potentially adding to your loneliness.
21:38
SPEAKER_05: Because the one thing that I heard from you guys again and again is how lonely you are.
21:45
SPEAKER_05: These ideas are so helpful to know.
21:47
SPEAKER_05: And like I said, I know many of you desire better relationships in all arenas of your life.
21:54
SPEAKER_03: I can look, I look a lot like a three on paper, but it's in everybody, you know how.
22:00
SPEAKER_03: That is like everybody loves to tell me I'm a three.
22:03
SPEAKER_03: Oh, really?
22:04
SPEAKER_05: But when it comes down to it, it's you know, obviously, you know, the core mode of so do you think everyone tells you you're three because you've been successful at what you do?
22:15
SPEAKER_03: I think it's because I have my own business, you know, and this isn't my first business that I've had.
22:23
SPEAKER_03: And I do find that I sometimes um attach my value to my productivity.
22:31
SPEAKER_03: Sure.
22:31
SPEAKER_03: But when it comes down to it, it's to feel loved and wanted and not to be valued and respected.
22:40
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's so that's really key there because how would you define the difference?
22:45
SPEAKER_05: Because I think twos and threes that feels the closest out of all the types.
22:50
SPEAKER_05: So where where for you can you identify no this, not that, obviously, having probably a strong three-wing.
22:58
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
22:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
22:59
SPEAKER_03: Um, so a lot of it for me was also stress, like where I go in stress.
23:05
SPEAKER_03: And then a lot of it for me was again kind of differentiating between love and respect.
23:12
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
23:12
SPEAKER_03: And which is difficult because a lot of people kind of associate those two together.
23:18
SPEAKER_03: If they love me, they respect me.
23:20
SPEAKER_03: If they respect me, then they love me, you know.
23:22
SPEAKER_03: Uh, the difference for me was if I took one away, right?
23:27
SPEAKER_03: So um obviously I want people to respect me, but I want people to love me more.
23:35
SPEAKER_03: And so, do I care about what people think about me because I'm worried about gaining their respect, or am I worried about gaining their approval and love?
23:47
SPEAKER_03: So kind of you know, reframing it to ask some of those questions, but like you, like you know, um it's not about behaviors.
23:58
SPEAKER_03: So like I do have a lot of three, like stereotypically three behaviors, right?
24:04
SPEAKER_03: But um, you know, when it comes down to it, the motivation lies within the two.
24:10
SPEAKER_05: Well, some people would say as well that I look like a three, but revelation told me, you know, the awareness told me, oh no, the seven, that is that is it, that's the kicker.
24:21
SPEAKER_05: Um, that that whole desire, even the childhood message and and all of those different pieces.
24:26
SPEAKER_05: But it is, I I think I think that's what the gift is of the Enneagram compared to everything else, is it just goes that one step deeper of I can do heart work at you know, by going through the three content and understanding that I can peel a layer of the onion as one way to put it, but then really identifying the core motivations just helps.
24:48
SPEAKER_03: Um yeah.
24:50
SPEAKER_03: And not just, and this is what I try to tell people all the time like it is a process and it's not something that you can just read about one day and be like, oh, this is me, and I know everything that there is to know.
25:05
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes on paper you do look like a certain type, and then when you talk about things like the childhood message or wounds or lies that you believe about yourself, you're like, wait a second, you know, I really align with something different, and that can be confusing for a lot of people.
25:25
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
25:26
SPEAKER_03: And it is, I always say too, that Enneagram's not a comfy, cozy thing.
25:31
SPEAKER_03: It's supposed to make us feel a little bit uncomfortable, and from that uncomfort, you know, comes growth.
25:37
SPEAKER_05: So yeah, that's so good.
25:38
SPEAKER_05: Well said.
25:40
SPEAKER_05: Last but not least is a fellow Enneagram 7.
25:43
SPEAKER_05: And she is also a very like-minded, wholehearted friend.
25:47
SPEAKER_05: Jackie Brewster is known as Enneagram JB on Instagram.
25:52
SPEAKER_05: And we are also going to tackle some of the lies that you might believe and how it might be keeping you stuck in your personality box.
25:59
SPEAKER_05: And can I just say, let's say no to the box?
26:02
SPEAKER_05: That's the whole purpose of this.
26:04
SPEAKER_05: In this episode, you're gonna get to hear detailed insights for the Enneagram 7 and 8.
26:09
SPEAKER_05: Lucky you, I know.
26:10
SPEAKER_05: But if you lead as the other types, well, you're just gonna have to get your free pass and tune in on Tuesday to hear the other insights.
26:18
SPEAKER_05: Now, if you miss it, the all access pass will be available for a little longer.
26:24
SPEAKER_05: So be sure to check out the links in the show notes.
26:27
SPEAKER_07: Oh my goodness.
26:28
SPEAKER_07: Okay, so much fun.
26:29
SPEAKER_07: So, what I'd love to share with you guys today is this idea of living outside the box of your Enneagram number and what that actually looks like.
26:37
SPEAKER_07: So, as an Enneagram seven, when I started to research and read about myself, I was like, oh my goodness, this is a lot of truth about myself.
26:45
SPEAKER_07: And then I I began to ask my question, you know, my questions that I ask my clients all the time, like, why?
26:50
SPEAKER_07: Where did these patterns come from?
26:51
SPEAKER_07: Why do you feel like you have to do this?
26:53
SPEAKER_07: So I love the Enneagram as a tool, right?
26:56
SPEAKER_07: Because the the Enneagram is a beautiful tool, scripture and and the Bible actually brings the transformation to this beautiful tool.
27:03
SPEAKER_07: That's how I teach it.
27:04
SPEAKER_07: And so it's really important to me that we understand the importance of like the Bible and and the word of God, because that's a sword of the spirit and that helps cut through some of the lies that we believe.
27:14
SPEAKER_07: And some of these lies are around these patterns of behavior that we feel like we have to be.
27:18
SPEAKER_07: And so if I believed as an Enneagram seven that I had to be the life of the party, that I was always missing out on something, that I had to live in that place, then that would be my crutch.
27:27
SPEAKER_07: I would say, like, I'm just this way.
27:30
SPEAKER_07: Like, I'm just always funny.
27:32
SPEAKER_07: I'm just this way.
27:32
SPEAKER_07: I know I'm super scattered.
27:34
SPEAKER_07: I can't get things done.
27:35
SPEAKER_07: That's an excuse.
27:36
SPEAKER_07: What I need to ask myself to live outside of the box of my number is why?
27:40
SPEAKER_07: Why am I scattered?
27:42
SPEAKER_07: What am I afraid of?
27:43
SPEAKER_07: Sometimes sevens are afraid of actually finishing a project because it means it's over.
27:47
SPEAKER_07: And so we will, we will kind of not do that, you know, or um, we're afraid of um having the hard conversation because then that means we have to make a decision.
27:57
SPEAKER_07: I am super guilty of that.
27:59
SPEAKER_07: I'm like, I'd rather not have the hard conversation.
28:01
SPEAKER_07: Oftentimes we hear like nines are, you know, conflict avoidant.
28:04
SPEAKER_07: So everybody that's conflict avoidant's like, I'm a nine.
28:06
SPEAKER_07: I'm like, you're not.
28:07
SPEAKER_07: Sevens are conflict avoidant too.
28:09
SPEAKER_07: You know, I don't want to deal with conflict if it means I'm gonna have to make a decision or go to those emotional places.
28:16
SPEAKER_07: And so that, you know, when we look at that looking outside of the box of our numbers, that's what I mean.
28:21
SPEAKER_07: Like, I don't want people to say, like, well, this is what it says I am.
28:25
SPEAKER_07: So this is who I am, this is how I'm showing up.
28:27
SPEAKER_07: No.
28:28
SPEAKER_07: I want you to ask yourself, why?
28:31
SPEAKER_07: Why do you do it?
28:32
SPEAKER_07: Where does it come from?
28:34
SPEAKER_07: Is it still serving you?
28:35
SPEAKER_07: And then as you said before, like there's numbers that we grow to.
28:39
SPEAKER_07: I want you to look at your growth numbers.
28:40
SPEAKER_07: So for me as a seven, I grow to a five.
28:43
SPEAKER_07: And moving towards that five doesn't mean I leave my seven, doesn't mean I stop being all the things that I am, but it does mean that I begin to understand the more safe I feel in my relationship with God, in myself, in my husband, in my family, that I don't feel the need to have to be involved in everything.
29:02
SPEAKER_07: I don't feel like I'm missing out on things.
29:04
SPEAKER_07: I can curl up, you know, on my bed with a good book on a Saturday and not think like, oh my gosh, I should be at the pool with all my friends.
29:11
SPEAKER_07: Nope, because my body needs rest and this is what I need.
29:14
SPEAKER_07: And so there's some settling that happens in that.
29:17
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's so good.
29:18
SPEAKER_05: And it's so it sounds so easy, but that really does take transformation work for personalities like ours to really be okay.
29:27
SPEAKER_05: Because otherwise, you could maybe make a physical choice to do it, but the inner turmoil is still the tug of like, oh, but I'm missing out, but I really want to do this.
29:36
SPEAKER_05: And so it's not just physically making that step to rest, but spiritually allowing the function to happen.
29:44
SPEAKER_07: So yes, I have to I have to pray like in the morning before my feet hit the ground, like, Lord, what does this day hold for me?
29:52
SPEAKER_07: Help me to stay focused on you, you know, and help me to not put things on my plate that are not things that are beneficial for me.
29:59
SPEAKER_07: Um, you know, help me to got not get sidetracked because I can be my own worst enemy when it when it comes to accomplishments.
30:06
SPEAKER_07: Like totally all the things I could do in a day.
30:10
SPEAKER_07: The mall calls me all the time and sends me emails all the time.
30:14
SPEAKER_07: My husband's like, just unsubscribe.
30:16
SPEAKER_07: And I'm like, I can't, I just need to know.
30:18
SPEAKER_07: It's a case there might be the one thing.
30:21
SPEAKER_07: Yes, that's how I feel.
30:22
SPEAKER_07: And I know, you know, my yes, all the things.
30:26
SPEAKER_07: If if we look at that kind of outside of the box for each number, so you want to go to the eight?
30:32
SPEAKER_07: Yes, the eight's in this one.
30:34
SPEAKER_07: Okay, so if we look at the eight and we think, okay, outside of this box.
30:37
SPEAKER_07: So this this desire to protect, protect themselves, protect the people that they care for, just strive for um accomplishment, achievement, keep going, fast paced, big picture thinker, right?
30:47
SPEAKER_07: And then asking yourself, like, okay, what would happen if I slowed down?
30:50
SPEAKER_07: What would happen if I took a rest?
30:52
SPEAKER_07: What would happen if I let somebody in?
30:54
SPEAKER_07: What would happen if I um shared vulnerability with my you know partner of business or spouse?
31:01
SPEAKER_07: What would happen?
31:02
SPEAKER_07: And so asking yourself those questions, like, is there space for me to actually do some work around some healing, around the thought of like, I'm gonna be betrayed?
31:11
SPEAKER_07: I'm gonna be taken advantage of, but I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be made to look incompetent.
31:15
SPEAKER_07: So I have to do it.
31:16
SPEAKER_07: And so, you know, when we look at that around the eight, asking those questions, saying, like, um, is it true?
31:23
SPEAKER_07: Do you think that your spouse could be in this with you?
31:25
SPEAKER_07: Is it true that your partner would think you failed if you told them you were having a hard time with it, you know, figuring out a part of the company?
31:32
SPEAKER_07: Do you, you know, is it true if you shared with your children that you just didn't know, you didn't quite know the outcome?
31:37
SPEAKER_07: Is it true?
31:39
SPEAKER_07: And so, really, I mean, that's probably my favorite question.
31:42
SPEAKER_07: I don't know my clients think that, but it is is it true?
31:46
SPEAKER_07: Right.
31:46
SPEAKER_07: Because so much of our life we live based off of fears that are not even true or stories we've told ourselves.
31:53
SPEAKER_07: Um, and so I always want people to check in, do a check-in, ask the question, is it true?
31:59
SPEAKER_07: And then ask the other person if there's somebody else involved.
32:02
SPEAKER_07: Is this what you meant?
32:03
SPEAKER_07: Is this can I say back to you what you what I heard you say?
32:06
SPEAKER_07: Is this what you meant by that?
32:08
SPEAKER_07: Because a lot of the times a lot of clarifying um conversations can happen right there.
32:12
SPEAKER_07: Wow, yeah, that's and freedom can happen.
32:15
SPEAKER_07: You know, so if you look at an eight goes to two in health and growth, so living outside of your box of that eight is going to that nurturing place, nurturing yourself, understanding what you need, giving yourself some of that, but also loving the people around you and letting them in close, being present with your people is super important.
32:34
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
32:35
SPEAKER_05: I have to say, I am just so happy to finally get to share all of the Enneagram goodness that I've been working on for the last six months.
32:43
SPEAKER_05: Now, I do hope you get your free pass, and you still can if you're listening during the week of August 23rd through August 27th.
32:51
SPEAKER_05: You can hop on to whatever day it is, watch those the four sessions for that each day, and then you'll get a new link for the next day.
33:00
SPEAKER_05: But if you're listening to it after August 27th, well don't worry.
33:05
SPEAKER_05: You didn't miss it completely.
33:06
SPEAKER_05: You can still get an all-access pass that will be available for you.
33:10
SPEAKER_05: You can check the show notes for the details.
33:12
SPEAKER_05: Now I would love to hear what you thought not only of the summit, but this podcast episode and all the other 200 plus ones.
33:20
SPEAKER_05: It would really help me out a lot if you gave the Simply Wholehearted Podcast a five-star review on your favorite listening app, and if you gave a little shout out about why you enjoy these conversations that we are having about faith, Enneagram, and motherhood.
33:37
SPEAKER_05: Now remember, friend, you are the mom your kids need.
33:40
SPEAKER_05: Continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for the wholehearted life you desire.