Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S4 E10 - Half and Half Gift Guide

Transcript

S4 E10 - Half and Half Gift Guide · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:01
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
0:08
SPEAKER_00: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
0:12
SPEAKER_00: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:17
SPEAKER_00: Write us a review while you're there too.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: Hey Johnny, thank you and Jeff.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: What a great time of year.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just so exciting this time of year because people are getting that Christmas spirit, they're getting that hectic feeling, they're getting that stress, they're getting that overwork and overshopped and feeling broke.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: It's just, you know, it's exciting.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: It is.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: How are you doing, Steve?
0:42
SPEAKER_01: How's it going?
0:43
SPEAKER_00: I am I am doing great.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm kind of in that situation myself.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: I always hate people the wait until Christmas Eve to shop, you know.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: So I I don't do that.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: I go out on the 23rd, but I beat Christmas Eve.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: I mean, come on.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: It seems like I've been shopping for presents, you know, since last year, but it's turned out that I actually haven't started yet.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: So uh oh yeah, no, but I but I but I will be soon.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: I promise that I will.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: You know, and Jeff, that really brings up something.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: I I feel like I've even though I haven't actually done any, you know, shopping, I I feel like I've done a lot of shopping as well.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: And and you know, it's unfortunate that everybody thinks that's all Christmas is about.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just about what'd you get for me?
1:24
SPEAKER_00: Did you give me something?
1:25
SPEAKER_00: It's all about the gifts.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: That's just not right.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: I mean, Christmas really should, and maybe it did, I hopefully it did at some point, but it should, you know, stand for something.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: It's time to care about people and care about particularly the the unfortunate, the less fortunate than we are.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: It's time really, it's a time to thank God for his love and the and the miracle of his son Jesus.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's a time to remember how important family is.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: It's it's a lot more than gifts, Jeff.
1:50
SPEAKER_01: You're right.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: And for me, being Jewish, Hanukkah is a holiday that allows Jewish boys and girls to celebrate Christmas without calling it Christmas, just so that we don't feel left out and we get that week off between Christmas and New Year's.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: So it was more than just gifts, it was really symbolized a lot more than that.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: But it won't seem like way now.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: And and think about it, Jeff.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: Without all the the Jewish people going to Chinese restaurants on Christmas, would those Chinese restaurants probably have to close?
2:19
SPEAKER_00: So you're really supporting, you're helping those restaurants, those business owners, those small businesses in your community.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: That's what it's all about, Jeff.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: We're just givers, you know.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: I think that uh because that's what the the season means.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: It's all about giving, it's not about getting.
2:35
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like we've really lost our way in that.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: That reminds me of a story that family friend told me, you know, we're at this Christmas party, and you know, it was kind of dull.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: So this guy started telling me stories, and you know, I told me an unfortunate story about his own son here.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: His friend's named Johnny, and I know you know, all my friends are named Johnny, aren't they?
2:55
SPEAKER_00: But this guy really remember this guy really is named Johnny, and his son is also named Johnny Jr.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Of course he is.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: So this is this happened last year at Christmas.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: So I you know it could be interesting to see what happens this Christmas here.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, last Christmas, John, John and Mary, his wife's Mary, they weren't that creative, and so they couldn't think of better names.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: So that was that was it.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: But they took Johnny Jr., you know, to the mall to see Santa.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: So Johnny walks up, sits on Santa's lap.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: Santa says, Ho ho ho, little boy, what would you like for Christmas?
3:27
SPEAKER_00: And you know, Johnny says, Santa, for Christmas, I want a fucking new baseball bat.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: I want it to be put under my fucking bed, and I want a fucking new baseball glove, and I want to put under my fucking Christmas tree.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: And Santa, I want a fucking new bike, and I want to put under a fucking tarp in the fucking shed.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, this was a little shocking.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: This was this was not a miracle on 34th Street, let me just tell you.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: Santa was really shocked.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: He pulled Johnny's parents aside and said, Hey, I've been a Santa a long time and in all my years, I've never seen a little boy with such a foul mouth.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: So John and Mary, you know, they're embarrassed.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: Say, you know, we know, but we have no idea, no idea what to do.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: We've tried everything.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: So they were fucking fucking embarrassed.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: They were, and they were they were indeed.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: They were fucking embarrassed.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: Fucking so Santa, you know, Santa's a wise old guy, you know, this old elf here, and and so he he thought about it for a minute.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: He said, Well, he needs to be taught a lesson, but you gotta teach it the right way.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: Here's here's how you should teach him a lesson.
4:31
SPEAKER_00: So every place that Johnny asked for a present, just put a pile of dog crap in place of it.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: So that's what they did.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: They went through the neighborhood, you know, people would walk their dogs, they'd be bagging the stuff, say, Oh no, give it to me, give it to me.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: And so they were collecting the stuff, right?
4:46
SPEAKER_00: For weeks, right?
4:48
SPEAKER_01: So easier to shop for.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, yes.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: You just stand outside and wait for dogs to walk by and say, Oh, hey, when you're done, come back.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: So Christmas morning, little Johnny Jr., he wakes up and you know, runs, looks under the bed, doesn't see the baseball bat, but he sees a big pile of dog crap.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: So he runs downstairs to the Christmas tree figures, oh, there's something under here.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: And under the Christmas tree, he didn't see that baseball glove, but he saw an even bigger pile of dog crap.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: He runs out to the shed, pulls off the tarp.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: He's looking for a bike, pulls the tarp off something, but in under that tarp, there's no bike, it's a huge pile of dog crap.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: So Johnny walked out of the shed, starts looking around the yard, and after a while his parents asked, So, little Johnny, what did you get for Christmas?
5:39
SPEAKER_00: You know, they go, Oh, yeah, pull a little, you know, think, oh, this'll this'll be the lesson, you know.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: So Johnny looks at him and says, You know, I think I got a fucking dog, but I can't find the bastard.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I think Johnny really learned a lot about the importance, about what is what's really important in life.
5:56
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: And that is shocking, not the swearing part, but just the total amount of gifts and the emphasis on gifts.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you remember we talked, I think last week about the fact that I'm Jewish, Kathy is Catholic, and that means that our daughter is half and half.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: She's uh what you would call a jip, a Jewish Irish princess.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that probably has multiple meetings.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: And you know, traditionally we would celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas, both of them every year.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: They would land on different times, but it's a lot of gifts.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: You know, we'd end up giving like this eight days of Hanukkah, and oh gosh, yeah.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: You just have to give so many.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: I know exactly what you're talking about, and you know, you know, Jeff, technically, there are 12 days of Christmas, so yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: You know, you're not the only one with that problem, particularly since Christmas and Hanukkah both fall on December 25th this year.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: There are a lot of listeners.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: We've had a lot of emails.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: People, a lot of people have said that they're in the same position and they're half and half.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: I mean, my family's a little bit like that.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: My family, half of them drink, half of them use drugs.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: So you know, they're it's kind of like that, but it's really a big challenge.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: If only there was a way to consolidate the gift buying so that it would merge, you could merge the holidays into one nice gift, one easy gift that would be a whole lot easier to shop for and really would might carry more meaning than a bunch of stuff, you know.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know what I mean?
7:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I do.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: I've never found that.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: I've never found a gift that could be interchangeable between Christmas and Hanukkah.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: You know, the closest thing maybe is the Christmas tree and the Hanukkah Bush.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: You know, they're fairly similar, but what about you?
7:40
SPEAKER_01: Are any any thoughts on that?
7:43
SPEAKER_00: Well, I I've personally always been attracted to the Hanukkah Bush, and I I've been rebuffed, you know, a few times, but I digress.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm Jeff, I'm so glad that you brought that up because it just so happens.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: Now I don't have him in the studio here, so I can't.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm I I won't even tap the glass.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: It's just it's taunting, you know.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: I just not even gonna do it.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but we we got an email from somebody last week who says he solved the problem.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: You know, Steve, our listeners are so smart.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: They are the smartest.
8:11
SPEAKER_01: So knowledgeable.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, I they I never I've never ceased to be amazed at how helpful they are.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: So this guy not only is brilliant, but think about this, he has applied his brilliance to a real niche area.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: He has a list of gifts for half Jewish, half Christian families, or vice versa.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: Wow, that's what I need.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: His name is Mordechai O'Leary.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: You got you got a Mordecai O'Leary.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: Why don't we look at his list, Jeff?
8:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think that's a great idea.
8:42
SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm gonna take notes here because you know I need that.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, actually, Jeff, it starts with a couple of restaurant ideas.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: You know, you could give these as gift cards, or you could take your family for a wonderful Christmas dinner.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: Why don't you why don't you read the first one there?
8:55
SPEAKER_01: First one says, Sai and Brunhilda's Old Country for Old Men Buffet.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's for us.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: I I think that sounds good, at least initially.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: It's located in Palm Beach, Florida.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: You know, a lot of our listeners are from Palm Beach, oh my gosh.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: Yes, people in Palm Beach pay very close attention to what we say on here.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: I've noticed.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: And I hear they have really good German restaurants in general, and they should.
9:20
SPEAKER_01: I mean Palm, Palm Beach, yeah.
9:22
SPEAKER_01: I think that's pretty valuable.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: So let me pull up the website and see what it says here.
9:28
SPEAKER_01: It says, Cy and Bruhilda's old country for old men buffet is known for combining world-class Jewish cuisine with classic German delights.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: Somebody tried that a few years ago, and I don't think it went so well, but but I digress.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: Right.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: And it says here, sounds like a bad idea, not so fast.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: Not so fast, my little leapshin.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh one bite of our one bite of our pastrami and schnitzel stew, and you'll be transported back to the motherland before the war.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, and don't forget Uncle Gerhardt's oven-baked kosher bratwurst smothered in Aunt Ava's brawn gravy.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: Is that Ava's brawn gravy?
10:15
SPEAKER_01: I think it's Ava Braun's gravy or Ava's grammar.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's one of those two.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure there may be a typo there.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: You never had anything like it, and you never will.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: We promise.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: And I believe you.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: I I believe you too.
10:28
SPEAKER_01: And finally, finish off every meal by passing over to the dessert tray and diving into Aunt Tilly's macaroon and raisin lactose-free vanilla ice cream snuggled up against Brunhilda's own no-guilt German chocolate cake.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: It's the best you've ever had.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: Don't deny it.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: Wow, you know, Jeff, that that does sound pretty good.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: That I'm kind of getting hungry for a pastrami schnitzel.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it just sounds sounds like a wonderful combo.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: And boy, that cake, you know.
10:59
SPEAKER_00: Now, now I we had a friend in the old neighborhood, uh, Mrs.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: Luther, who made this, she called it German Catholic cake.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: It was a little, it was similar, but it was really, really good.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: More guilt, probably.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh, the missus, Mrs.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: Luther's recipe was was famous, but I but again I digress.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: And you know, the nice thing about that restaurant, it's not all Jewish or all Christian, or vice versa.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, to be honest, it sounds like something from the past.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they're trying to make it great again.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, that seems to be a thing.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: People want to look back to the past, like the past was uh they're thinking like the past was so good.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: I mean, they should talk to people that lived in the past, like you know, us, for example.
11:37
SPEAKER_00: And you know, I don't know, it wasn't it was no Swiss picnic, I tell you.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: But but anyway, you know, I but I digress again.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: My gosh, I'm so digressive.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: Fortunately, it looks like he has another eating choice.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for that, yeah, it might be more something that we would be likely to eat at.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: Frankly, I'm looking at this one.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: This this one sounds pretty good.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: Uh it is Saul's sushi barn.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: He was gonna call it Sosumi, but he didn't.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: Salty.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: But he found that the that the name was taken.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: So here's what it says Saul's sushi barn features top to bottom the best selection of raw smoked or outdated fish in the greater Omaha area.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: And of course, Omaha, as you know, Omaha is the seafood capital of America.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: I mean, because we're so close to the water.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're you know, it's just oh yeah.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: And you know, hey, you like bottom feeders?
12:34
SPEAKER_00: Well, Bucko, there is no shortage of lobster and shrimp to consume here, but only when the Rebbe's not looking.
12:41
SPEAKER_00: Don't tell Rebbe and don't forget to try our spicy tuna and machi rolls.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: Got a taste for smelts?
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Isn't that like two senses in one?
12:50
SPEAKER_00: Can you see a taste for smelts?
12:51
SPEAKER_00: I I but but can't we?
12:53
SPEAKER_00: So your taste for smelts, we got them too.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: And remember, if you smelt it, we dealt it.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: No idea.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, they're beauty, their their marketing uh deserves an award of some sort.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, there's more here.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: And finally, not in the mood for fish, try our gefilte fish.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: It's not fish, nobody really knows what it is, but oh, you'll love it, it's delicious.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: You know, I like this already.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: I feel like there's a couple good ideas.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: I think I'll pass on the German restaurant for now.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, this sounds great.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: But the sushi sounds really good.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: Let me see what else is on the list.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh, holiday music.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think oh, yeah.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: I think this is something where you can give it as a gift, maybe as a CD.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if they still have CDs, but you can give that as a playlist of some kind, or you could just play it while you're decorating your Christmas tree or Hanukkah Bush.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, looks like they have two albums here.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: Up the first one is Barbara Streisand.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, perfect.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: I think when I think of Barbara Streisand, I think of Christmas.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: Who better who better?
13:56
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: And so she's got an album, it's called You Don't Have to Be a Funny Girl to Love Christmas in a playoff.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: And you sure don't, let me just tell you.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: You don't.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and it includes some holiday classics, uh, looks like Christmas classics.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: One is I caught my accountant kissing Santa Claus and deducting it as a business expense.
14:17
SPEAKER_01: I love that song.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a great one.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: And of course, Santa Claus is coming to town and staying at the Hilton.
14:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh, again, two really classic songs.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: And Barbara, everything that comes out of her mouth is wonderful.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: And that hey, and that breakfast buffet at the Hilton.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's worth the stay just for that alone.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Uh, you are so right.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: Babs is just the perfect choice to sing Christmas songs.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: None of this you know, Bing Crosby stuff.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: Barbara Streisand.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: But as you know, Jeff, I kind of like that older stuff because you know, I mean, let's face it, we're old, right?
14:50
SPEAKER_00: So I kind of like some of the older stuff.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: So I might go for something a little, a little more traditional.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: And for that, Mordechai, you know, again, the, you know, gotta punch the uh Mordechai uh recommends old brown eyes, as he says, because he apparently he changes for the for the holidays.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: I guess and I'm not sure why brown, red, green, brown, whatever.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, uh Frank Sinatra, of course, what I'm talking about.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: And he's singing classics.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: These songs, I mean, uh really, I don't think you can get these on any other Frank Sinatra collection.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: Here's one of the songs is one of my best friends is Jewish, but he converted and he's black and he has one eye.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh it's probably just on the album, it's probably just called Best Friend, but you know, well, and I bet Nelson Nelson Riddle did the arrangement.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: Oh, of course.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: Nelson Riddle, absolutely, absolutely.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: And he's got another one, uh, Dradel, Dradel, Draydle.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: I made it out of ravioli.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: I mean, what who could who could go wrong with songs like that?
15:47
SPEAKER_00: What else would you rather listen to?
15:48
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: That sounds perfect, but I guess the question is if you're not real sure what to get your little son or daughter, I guess you could go with the gift cards.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: You know, they always do that.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: When you can't think of something, you you end up giving them a gift card, you know, a Visa or Amazon gift card.
16:06
SPEAKER_01: But I feel bad because it's so general, it doesn't take any thought.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: Uh, what what do you see on the list?
16:11
SPEAKER_00: Is there anything he talks about that?
16:14
SPEAKER_00: And I I agree.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: I mean, the gift card, I mean, unless it's like to a Christmas tree farm or something, I mean, you know, yeah, what it it really doesn't have any special holiday meaning.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: But he says he found a gift card that is only good at TJ Maxx and Home Depot, and that covers it.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: That might cover it, yeah.
16:30
SPEAKER_00: You know, but he says also, but when in doubt, go with a Costco membership.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: Now that'd be a nice gift, yeah.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh, now you're talking.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, and and and I don't know last time you've been at Costco, but you know, they have those hot dogs with the with the drink for a dollar fifty.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: Nothing says Hanukkah like a hot dog and a drink for a buck and a half.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's it's a miracle.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: Well, you could they're so good you could eat eight of them.
16:55
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, oh yeah.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: If you want to buy something a little more classy, do you see anything else on that list?
17:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, you know what?
17:03
SPEAKER_00: He has exactly the perfect thing.
17:05
SPEAKER_00: It's art, it's a work of art.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Art.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Now you're just getting it.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: It's it's a framed thing.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Whether it's a work of art, it's up to you, but it is a framed thing.
17:14
SPEAKER_00: It's a limited edition poster just titled Gaza, and it is signed by none other than Chuck Schumer and Marjorie Taylor Green.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you, the photograph is to die for, uh, literally.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: That's amazing.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: You know, with all the fighting between the Democrats and the Republicans, it's nice to know that they've bonded together for this cause.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: They can agree on that, and it's very totally and it's very, how should I put it, geographically and and seasonally appropriate.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: But I digress.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: Now here's something I you know, he's got something here that I think is really gonna bring both religions together, and maybe some of the other religions too that we haven't talked about that have maybe holidays in the winter.
17:55
SPEAKER_00: It's elf on the shelf.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: The elf on the shelf dial.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: You know, you've got the elf thing, but it's got dress-up accessories, so you can convert your elf into a fiddler on the shelf, right?
18:06
SPEAKER_00: And it comes with the children's story where elf where elf on the shelf and the fiddler work together to stamp out violent crimes and unfair tariffs.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Looks like they're turning it into a Marvel movie due out next Christmas.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: So they're already showing the previews already.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: They made it three years ago, and they're gonna show the previews here.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: But I I think it's brilliant.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: Me too.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: And speaking of half Jewish and half Christian, Robert Downey Jr.
18:31
SPEAKER_01: could play either one of those characters or both, because you know he's he's half Jewish.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: I think his his mother was Jewish.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: I did not know that.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: Well, looks like he has one more gift.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: It's really a big one on here, though.
18:44
SPEAKER_00: You want I think it might be near and dear to your heart, Jeff.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: I think you should probably read this one.
18:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'd love to.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, but god, this Steve, this brings back memories.
18:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: You know, my grandma, she uh she uh was from Pittsburgh, but she moved down to Miami Beach when she got older, and uh, so I was down there quite a bit.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: And this one is a 10-day vacation package to Florida.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: And it's uh I I think this is one that everybody would love.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: And what's great about this vacation is that it has everything covered in terms of being Jewish or being Christian.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: You land in Miami and then you head straight up the kosher corridor to Fort Lauderdale, and you end in Boca, which is you know the holy land for Jews in Florida.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: Boca Mecca, you know, there's a reason for that name, you know.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but that's only half of the trip, the Jewish half.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: That's the Jewish half, yeah.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that makes sense, right?
19:41
SPEAKER_01: Because if you're getting sick of deli food or rude New York drivers, they will bus you straight up north past Orlando to the Redneck Riviera.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: I think we all know that's the panhandle, the Florida panhandle.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: And the best part about being at the Florida panhandle is you are a greyhound bus away from Mississippi and Alabama.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: How perfect is that?
20:05
SPEAKER_00: That's just holiday heartwarming to think that you could be in Florida and be that close to Mississippi and Alabama.
20:13
SPEAKER_00: It makes me feel warm and Jeff tingly, makes me feel tingly.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like that part of the country has been sort of ignored in the past, but not anymore.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: I think it's gonna be it's gonna be sort of the heartland of America.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: I think it's safe to say that Louisiana, Mississippi is just perfect because it represents America, it represents what people believe in, who they believe in.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: And you know, Jeff, you are so right, they couldn't ask for more, but I I bet they will.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: You know, there are people like Johnny Jr.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: I bet they will.
20:45
SPEAKER_00: But that's the list, but what a great list.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: What a great brilliance that this Mordechai, Mordechai O'Leary.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: I'd give the O'Leary kind of an Irish thing too, but I, you know, my Irish isn't quite as good as the huh.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: I got the huh.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: Your huh is really.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm no, I've been practicing the hu.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: Practicing or maybe have a cold or something.
21:03
SPEAKER_01: You got a little bit of a for you, too.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: I've had this sinus thing since I don't know.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: What's this what is it?
21:08
SPEAKER_00: 2012, I think.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: I started.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: It's been a while.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: I know sometimes I hear Kathy, she tries to do the challah, and it just comes out as like chala.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: Like cala or chala.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: Is it or chala?
21:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, chala.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: Chala always sounds like you know, like you're cutting something, and maybe if you're cutting the bread while you say it, that might be like chala.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like a chala.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you're cutting cheese, that's different.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but if you wouldn't bread.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: You wouldn't want to do that at a nice family dinner, though, you know.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: No, you would not.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: This has been really a good experience.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: I think this episode's going to run before both holidays.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: So there's still be a few days.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what their delivery policy is on some of these things.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: I think you can get that Gaza poster wherever you live.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: There's somebody that would agree with that Gaza poster.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: You're reading my mind.
22:01
SPEAKER_01: Between the Gaza poster and the 10-day trip to Florida, I think my daughter will be very happy.
22:09
SPEAKER_01: I think it should make her and the elf on the shelf.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
22:13
SPEAKER_01: All of them, Steve, sounds so amazing except the the German restaurant.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: We have sushi kind of creaks me out.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: Salt sushi is coming.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: That's hidden.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm starting to get hungry.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: You know, I didn't eat before the show, so I'm starting to get hungry here.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: But me too.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: I can almost smell it from here.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, I can smell some of the out-of-date fish that he was talking about.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: But you know, and I I just really have to hand it to Mordechai, who really used his brilliance to solve problems for a lot of let's be honest, Jeff.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: We have solved a lot of problems for come on, let's be honest, the millions, right?
22:45
SPEAKER_00: The that listen to the show.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: But I think of all the problems we've solved, this might be the one that makes the most people happy.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: I think you're right.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: And there's really no misses on here.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: Or it was no, they're married.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, never mind.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay, go ahead.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: But but I was looking up other ideas.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: I was just trying to search for it to you know to Google.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: The only thing I found was there was like this adult bookstore called Synagogue.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: And it was, you know, I think it was maybe Jewish.
23:13
SPEAKER_01: I was looking at it, and it had like two different areas, you know, it had the Jewish side and the non-Jewish side, and it it just didn't feel right, looked pretty good, but well, I know it didn't feel right.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: And you know, maybe Jeff, maybe it was an Orthodox porn store, and it was like men on one side, women on the other, you know.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: I I mean, maybe, I don't know.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it could be, but that was the closest I saw to something that would kind of appeal to both sides or either side, I guess.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jeff, that is but this is so exciting.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: This works great.
23:44
SPEAKER_01: It is is very exciting.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: And and I just want to tell you, Steve, that uh you should have a wonderful Christmas.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: I want you to have a great time with your family.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: This has been a wonderful year.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: I guess we're not at the end of the year.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: I'll save that for the next episode.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: But uh we can start now and just keep it going.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Jeff.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: And I I want to wish you a happy Hanukkah and a Merry Christmas because it sounds like you're gonna be you're gonna be switch hitting there, so to speak.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: So you know, be doing a little of both, but hey, I want to wish the the best to you and and to our listeners.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: And you know, typically typically we have Johnny come on, but you know what?
24:19
SPEAKER_00: I gave Johnny tonight off in in deference to the holiday because yeah, we really don't pay him crap.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: You know, we kind of we pay him kind of like the little Johnny with the dog crap on we it's kind of it's kind of how we pay him.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: So I decided, yeah, let's give him a week off.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: So he's not here to to close it out, but just I want to wish all of our listeners this is very Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, you know, whatever you celebrate.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: And hey, we really appreciate you being part of our part of our podcast, because you know, you can have a podcast without listeners, but it's not very interesting.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: So the listeners are the most important part of the podcast.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
24:57
SPEAKER_01: And I just got a little note from Claire, from Miss Claire.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: Ah, and she's looking for that address for the German restaurant, so I'll have to kind of reach out.
25:06
SPEAKER_01: There's probably other people that might feel the same way.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: That would explain because I saw I saw some blonde hair dye, a box of that, but you know, the wrapper of that in the garbage.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: And that would explain it.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: Now I know what's going on.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: Anyways, again, happy holidays to you, and hey, look forward to seeing you on the next show.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: And Johnny, we miss you, but hey, hope you're having a nice holiday, and you know, you're doing something nice for my mom, Johnny.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: Keep that in mind.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: Thanks, everybody.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: All right, thanks.