Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / Why Your Wife Can't Carry You Anymore? | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep497

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Why Your Wife Can't Carry You Anymore? | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep497 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: The real issue in marriage.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Labeling your partner, and I'm gonna go with narcissist.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Submitting to your husband.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Triggers versus cognitive distortions, guys.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, this might trigger you and put you into your own distortion.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: 90% of marriages fail.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: The real issue in marriage.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Moral Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fired up today if you've listened to the last two episodes.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this is spin-off of the last episode.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't even say goodbye after the last episode for the first time ever.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: He said next.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Next.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't even give me an opportunity to say goodbye to you guys.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, listen, I'm not as angry as he is.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: I still want to say goodbye.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Goodbye.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm from the back.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciate it with a lot of you guys.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I have a call in 17 minutes.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not looking forward to it because just based off a 10-minute introduction call, he is very much a victim.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I like you guys, that's what makes you make stupid decisions like the last episode and doing the divorce.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not honoring your word, not following through.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: All these times you apologize and you just remind your partner about why you gave up.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: But you always give up because that's the real issue in marriage.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: The real issue is you don't know who you are and your self-worth.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote a song about this, it's doing very well.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: My um men, there's the the part of the song is the bridge that they're just feeling so lifted when they listen to this song.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, fuck, right on, rock on.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And they're just playing it on loop.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the women are like, it's crazy.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was total cool reflection.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of women are like, Thank you, this helps me so much.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you understand, that's why women read my book first and then they understand their husband, then they can go use Catherine's tools and you fucking rock and roll.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the fastest way for supreme change because then he wants more because you love him differently, and we can get him help and all these things.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Did you announce what the title is today?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Did you already say it?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I did, yeah.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: The real issue in marriage, which is oh, men or women.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, yeah.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Men.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: It is men.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: One minute episode.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: It is men.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I was actually just kidding.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: My song is called The Real Issue in Marriage, and it talks about his self-worth.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And there's something that I say in there that people are, I'm really passionate about sharing this message, especially as of late.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it really is resonating based off beta tests with your women.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: But like, oh my gosh, I'm guilting and shaming a man.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the last episode we just talked about.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: About porn about the porn and stuff.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm guilting and shaming a worthless man.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So a man with self-worth can only feel well, self-worth issues can only feel worthless again.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, he's going to hide, he is going to cope.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's the real problem.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And where the contradiction came up was some very reflective women in Catherine's community were like, well, what if I feel this way?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great question.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: The real issue is men, not women.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: If a man has self-worth and doesn't force his wife to carry him, right?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, it took an absorbent amount of strength for Catherine, and women have to learn, unfortunately, in this day and age from Catherine to carry their husbands until he starts to want to get involved.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's even the process I just walked you through a moment ago.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Rewind it and listen to it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's unfortunate because if a man had self-worth, he wouldn't then make his wife identify with my song, saying that's me too.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because he wouldn't be tearing her down, destroying her to build himself up.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Think about this.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you are an abuser or you get angry or you attack, you emotionally abuse, you essentially just blame.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Just anytime you blame.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when you defend, you blame.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's blame, even if you don't blame.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: But by the way, everybody says you don't blame.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think I call bullshit.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, that's to all you guys who say, uh, I don't blame.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I just get defensive, yeah, shut up.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: But if you understand, every time you blame, you said I love you and now it's your fault, they start to think that they're not worth it.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Catherine used to say, Do you even like me?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I would think it's such a preposterous question.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you just love me consistently, the way that I love you when I love you, and do all the listing of everything.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that funny that he wanted me to love him consistently?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: But that's how that's how the worthless man feels.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: He thinks he tries so hard.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: He guys will actually say to me, I'm sure they do try hard.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure they do.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Guys will say to me, baby, whenever I ask the question, well, which man do you want her to love?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And he'll be like, What do you mean?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, well, the one who loves, the one who withdraws, or the one who blames.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if she just loved me all the time, I I mean, that's the one, obviously.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And they they know it, they believe it.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I know it because I was that worthless man.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Going, if you just love me, wait, think about the words that are escaping your mouth right now.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you would just love me, then I can love you.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's a whole invisible contract.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: She was never built to carry you.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Only it's not invisible, you guys.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody who thinks it's invisible, like it is obvious to us.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Disagree.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: It is invisible.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's originally originally called a covert contract because you're not aware of it.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Wives, your husbands aren't aware of this.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Wives when you're doing it, a lot of you women are recognizing yourself as loving, withdrawing, and then blaming.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's three different people.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's it is invisible until you're aware.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Today it's no longer invisible.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Today you know that if you're three people, your partner can't love you.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe the contract is invisible, but guys, you know what's really important to recognize is that the fruit or the weeds or the shit or whatever you want to call it from this contract is not invisible.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: So the contract, like Cass says, it's covert.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: You don't even know you're doing it or you do and you don't know where it came from.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's a self-sabotage, there's all kinds of things that you need to deal with to figure out like where this is coming from.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: But the behaviors, the way this is presenting in your marriage is anything but invisible.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: There's some of you that are like, you're quiet, you withdraw, you know, you're not raging, you're not yelling.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's a little bit more of like what it, what the invisible manifestation would be, the invisible presentation of the contract would be.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: But if you guys think about it, so the one with the contract, sure, you don't really know that you're making the contract.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Something deep down, like you are saying, well, if she did, then I would.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: That you just don't know the name of it.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know you're making a contract, you just can't don't call it a contract.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: The people that are on the other side of it, they see the roller coaster now.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: They feel manipulation, they feel contrasting.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And she doesn't know what to do with it.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: But that part is very loud.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's not invisible, it's not quiet, it's not covert, it's not secret, it is loud, it is obnoxious, and it is aggressive and abusive.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why it's so important to understand.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you think about it, especially those of you who've gone to therapy, like I'll be on a call with you for 10 minutes and I'll walk you through the self-worthlessness and the the so you think you're tight, you're you're talking about, well, we don't have sex, or there's a porn issue, or there's alcohol, all these things that I would say are symptoms.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's an affair, symptoms of the real issue, okay, which is self-worth.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the cycle is that triangle.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're rotating through that cycle, it gets worse and worse.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we talked about the betrayals got worse and worse and worse, right?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the amount uh or substances we have a woman right now, husband's flipped and gone into cocaine instead of just the alcohol, right?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: It gets worse because of the enabling, because now the other person's self-worth is attacked.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not saying that either of you came in perfect or whole.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that women are fine until men fuck with them.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: What I am saying is I think things would have gone a lot faster if I didn't need my wife to be happy with myself.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, when she was able to lift me and love me and find the thing she was grateful for, even though I just fucking screamed at her.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I felt like totally different.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: When she would say, repeat something back to me, and I'd be like, Still yelling.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but you just actually you got it right.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I said.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of thinking I was talking to a wall, like she didn't love me or care, is what that means, right?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: And the power of a woman, you guys, but what he's saying is if you can if you can use your own power, if you cannot rely so wives, guys, if you guys have a wife that does that and edifies you and holds you up and and tries to validate you and all those sorts of things, then you have a gem.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's really amazing.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: But she shouldn't have what Cass is trying to say, I think, is it's really beautiful that we can have this dynamic, but it would have been even stronger if he could have just done it on his own without me.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think about it.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: He does it now, think about it, like he appreciates that I lift him up and then I edify him, but he doesn't need my love and edification to survive as a human being, right, baby?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, this is 100%.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: The easiest example I can give would be sex.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know how everybody's all wild in the beginning, okay?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Catherine gave herself as much as I wanted, needed whatever in the beginning.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it was like four or five times a day, okay?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Then I started to continue to take from Catherine.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Take, take, take, take.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're on a different side of that equation.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Where we don't need it five times a day because I don't have a self-worth problem anymore.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, I don't need validation from her vagina or know that she loves me because she wants me.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't need to prove myself with my vagina.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: To prove that I love him.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Which is a whole nother thing that women deal with.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: Giving sex for love and all those sorts of things.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, think about it like this.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Think about how sex lives change when you have kids and things like that.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or like sure, abuse like from me, okay?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: What would it have been like if I didn't need Catherine to carry me?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, if I knew I was worth something, just tried to connect with her, never abused her, that means it would have been different after the children were born, right?
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: All of these different signs of things that would have that we think or we notice is these patterns in your guys' relationships where things like intimacy fade, okay?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: We can see them.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: We know real Catherine describes it as real life gets in the way, okay?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: But now we we don't have a time machine.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: We can never go back and say what would be different, but I'm telling you, I'm just telling you straight up, it's obvious to me.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you didn't have the self-worth issue, if you didn't force your wife to carry you, here's another reason why.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: It would have gone faster.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'll finish that thought.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: It would have gone faster.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another reason why.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: We see this all the time with men who are finding their strength and becoming the man they want to be, but it's still a contract.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, I'm doing the work to get my wife to soften, to love me, to stay with me, to want me, to avoid divorce, all these things, which means it's not going to work.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're still doing it to guess something.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you guys need to look at the fact that you say I love you just to hear it back.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: As long as that is you, you have a self-worth problem.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the worthlessness is going to eat your partner alive.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: And most of you don't have it, Catherine.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this goes both ways, guys.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm hard on men because I understand now.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want you to put this on your wife.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you're left, lucky enough or blessed enough, somebody called it recently on one of our prayer meetings, uh Spirit of Catherine.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: The spirit of Catherine.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you're lucky enough to have the spirit of Catherine in your home, and you can, you can hire us, but like the the point is if your partner is that, I mean it's fucking great.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're doing it because it's easy, then you're probably not doing it.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's one of the reasons why it took a long time for us.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want your journey to be so damn slow.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: So understand.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Go listen to my song, The Real Issue in Marriage.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Is it men or is it women?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, listen, you both by now have a self-worth problem.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: But leaders fucking lead, and it should never have been, Catherine.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, I made a lot of changes.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I talk about leadership all the time, but you know our story.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's because I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, and it would have been way faster if my wife didn't have to be my leader.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Can I jump in real quick?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I told you this, but so um the Bible study that I'm running with women, it's um it's called it's called Women of Impact, and it's studying 52 prominent women of the Bible.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: The first six weeks are all in the book of Genesis, and so naturally we're gonna start with Eve.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: So this is what's really cool.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: So when, so you guys all know the story of Adam and Eve.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't, basically they were the first two people in the Garden of Eden, and there was a snake, the devil, who tempted them.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: You're they were allowed to eat out of all the trees except for the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: And the snake was like, You of course you can eat this.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: And Eve ate it.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: So what people think is that Eve ate it and then went to get Adam and was like, Hey, Adam, come eat it in this tree.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: And Adam was like, Okay, Eve, let's do it.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, if you actually read the scripture, the snake tempted Eve.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Adam was standing right beside her when she did it, didn't tell her not to, didn't correct her, didn't lead, didn't walk away saying you're doing something wrong.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then, so then, so then he he eats, he she eats it, and then he eats it because she did.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: God comes down and says, Adam, where are you?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Doesn't say Eve, where are you?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: God knows that Eve was the one that was tempted by the snake.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Even before sin, there was temptation.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, Eve fell into the temptation, but Adam was standing right beside her.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Not leading.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Not leading back.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or I would call that leading backwards.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so God came and was like, Where are you, Adam?
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: And Adam's like, I'm right here.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: But the woman that you gave me made me do it immediately passed the buck, and then she passed the buck on to the snake.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: She then blamed the snake.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: What I want you guys to take from this is that women.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Such a good story.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's such a good story, and nobody tells it this way.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we studied it last week and we got really deep into it.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: What women don't realize is that yes, we want our husbands to lead.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: We expect them to lead from but from the very first marital relationship of all time, the woman made the decision, which she wasn't supposed to do, so it was out of alignment, and she screwed everything up, and the man the man didn't lead, which he was supposed to do.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, normal human nature is for women to step in and do shit that they're not supposed to do, and for a man to allow her to do it because she said that she's gonna do it, and so she does it.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Oh, that's what my wife did.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then normal human nature.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: You expect your husband to lead, if it's never been the case, why do you think it's gonna be no work to edify your husband and get him to sit in headchip and leadership?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: If Adam and Eve couldn't even do it, and then and then pay attention to the to the last part.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: At least normal human nature to blame told about the snake, but what did Adam do?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Blame his fucking wife.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: And he blamed God.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the woman that you gave me.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, good point.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: The woman that you gave me made me do it.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, Adam.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, women, it's so this is a message for women.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to let men off the hook.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Women, if you think that your husband should just lead, did my husband just lead?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Is that weird?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously not, because from the very beginning of time, this is what it was like.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: Women stepping in, doing shit that they're not supposed to do, and men saying nothing, not leading, and then women expecting them to be there.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that crazy?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that crazy for me?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: This is Adam and Eve, the very first people that ever lived in the Book of Jacobs.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can only imagine, like, I I can just imagine the next conversations.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because now they gotta wear clothes because they're covered up, and Adam wants to fuck his wife, and Eve's like mad because she was thrown under the bus, and Adam's now victimizing himself and blaming her in the triangle that I've talked about.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: You never know what happened.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I bet you that's what it went.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Just round and round and round the triangle.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you don't get to have her play with your snake, buddy, because you you 'cause you let her play with another snake.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's right.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: You should have said no.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Your fault, Adam.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: Next.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Next.