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Monday Mini: When Media Makes You Cry · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Andy and Samantha and all my stuff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I never told you prodection, iHeart radio. Welcome to another undemony.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Or Samantha's already laughing at me because I'm demonstrating what
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about right now, which is crying about media.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: If you need a hint, we just did our last
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: of us to reaction to episode two. So here I am.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I have talked about this before, but I thought I
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: would look into it. I'm just see you know what
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: is going on here? Is it good? Is a bad?
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: All of those things. So one of the main reasons
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: that people cry at media is often because you have
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: a relationship with a fictional character. This is a parasocial
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: relationship or a one directional relationship because you know they're fictional.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: They don't know anything about you. But the thing is,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: people who have looked into this say, actually, the brain
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: can't really differentiate between that all the time. You might
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: still feel it as if it was a real relationship,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: and in some cases it can be. You know, I've
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: talked before about I've gone through these traumatic things and
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: here was this piece of media that helped me get
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: through it. So you can really form a connection. I
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: also think, like for me personally, I think a lot
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: of people too, you might assign someone a fictional character like, oh,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: that reminds me of this person that I know in
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: real life, or something like that, so you can form
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: a connection in that way. We are going to get
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: into it later. I think a lot of us know
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: this can have unhealthy side effects, but it can have
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: a lot of really healthy ones, including like boosting your
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: self esteem, not feeling as lonely, or maybe feeling like belonging,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: especially if you're in maybe a small town and there
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: aren't people who necessarily you connect to for one reason
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: or the other. They can be really beneficial and that way,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: and then they become really important to you, so if
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: you lose them, it can be really painful. And to
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: that end, there have been studies about what happens when
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: that relationship comes to an end for one reason or another,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: Because it doesn't have to be a death. It could
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: be like maybe they take the character in a way
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: you really don't like or really don't connect to you anymore,
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: but it is usually a death, and then you feel
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: this really strong emotional response and you know, especially like
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: you can have these relationships with a character for a
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: long time, depending on the media or depending on how
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: you engaged with it, and that can be outside of
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: you know, if you're doing even like things like fan
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: fiction or something like that, you can have a really
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: strong relationship with a character. And so that's why when
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: they die or when they change in a way that
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: it is just irreconcilable to you. It can be really painful.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: And you might turn to something like fan fiction and
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: write that ending differently, but no one else, everyone else
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: knows them as dead, and you do too, Like, just
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: because I wrote that fan fiction doesn't mean they're still alive.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Eventually the person's gonna forget them, but no one's gonna
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: write fan fiction about them anymore. This is a real
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: concern that I have. This also involves something called the
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: paradox of tragedy, which I thought was really interesting. It's
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: basically like, we don't like tragedy in real life. A
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: lot of us don't like crying, but some of us
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: really do enjoy the vulnerability and shared emotion of a
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: fictional tragedy, and a lot of people think necessity with
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: the whole idea. The ancient Greek idea of catharsis of
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: getting together to witness something tragic and that releases maybe
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: something you've had pent up. And as we've discussed before,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: some research does suggest that we feel better after crying.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Some theorize that something called meta emotions is involved. Basically,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: we're glad that we can feel empathy or something like
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: that towards other people, even if they're fictional. Other studies
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: suggest that empathy and reading fictional characters can increase emotional intelligence,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: so like reading them emotionally, it can help you read
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: people in real life emotionally. So empathy is one of
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: the five key parts of emotional intelligence, along with self awareness,
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: self regulation, motivation, and social skills. So high emotional intelligence
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: is associated with a lot of positive things, including better leadership,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: better relationships, better conflict resolution, things like that a good
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: story also triggers oxytocin which I know a lot of
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: us think of as like, you know, the happiness, but
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: it actually like if a good story is triggering that
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: in a case of a sad story, that can be
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: going on, and it then enhances your sad emotions, especially
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: around compassion and empathy. On top of that, in some
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: ways it can feel like a safer release, even in
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: dark time so that's something I really relate to. It
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: can be way easier for me to cry for a
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: fictional character than someone I actually know. And it doesn't
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: mean I didn't care for that person I actually know.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I'm probably crying for them through the fictional character. It's
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: just I think it's a you know, you're trying to
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: protect yourself type thing. Since crying is stereotypically seen as
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: a more feminine thing, we have often painted it as
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: a weakness, but it can be a sign of strength.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Obviously there are some exceptions, but in general, good movie
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: or t be sure game, it's good to let it out.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, as I mentioned, there are downsides if people
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: care more about fictional characters over real people, even people
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: they don't know, or neglect your life because the media.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Those are bad things, as is if you can't shake
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: the sadness of it and it starts to impact your life.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: This kind of made me crack up because they're like
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: if you're still over a week later, still dealing with it,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, years, we're talking, but it's
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: not as bad as it was. I also found this
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: and this is not what we're talking about today, but
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I did find it related to this conversation. There's this
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: newish thing of people posting videos of themselves crying on
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: social media, and there's a lot of theories about why
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: that is. Wanting connection, wanting pain to be witnessed, wanting
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: to feel validated, being performative, wanting more clicks. There's a
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: lot of conversation about it. But that can happen and
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: is happening in a lot of instances when a fictional
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: character dies or something painful happens in something popular. And
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: this is where I did look up. I've mentioned this before,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: but I really want a fandom therapist. But I realized
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: this is a thing, but it refers to a therapist
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: using fandom to conduct therapy, which is not what I'm
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: talking about. I need someone I can be like, do
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: you remember in Star Wars in this episode where this
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: happened and people reacted this way. I need to get
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: into it. But there is there is a directory I
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: found that I cannot vouch for, but it's supposed to
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: be like if I if you want somebody who knows
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: a lot about this fandom. So I don't know. Maybe
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I should, I should start. I should be the change
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I want to see a lot of stuff is written
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: about the power of fandom for therapy, So there is
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: there are There's been science and research into this. It
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: is a thing. So if you have experienced this, you
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: are not alone. I'm going through it right now. I'm sorry,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: my voice is a little, a little snotty. Well, listeners,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: let me know. If you have any thoughts about this.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: You can email us at hellous Stuffhenever Told You dot com.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: You can find us on Blue Sky at mom Stuff
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: podcast are on Instagram and to talk at stuff when
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Never Told You for us on YouTube. We have a
• 8:55
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• 8:56
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• 8:58
  Speaker 1: our super roduced to Christine Next producer my enerconcopter Joey,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: thank you and thanks to you for listening stuff When
• 9:04
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