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The Both And of Wholehearted Celebration- Navigating Grief and Loss During the Holidays · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Friend, I have a genuine question for you.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: How do you really feel about the holiday season?
0:06
SPEAKER_00: Is there a sense of dread, maybe overwhelm or anxiousness?
0:12
SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you even feel anxiety over the pressure to be happy and joyous as the Christmas tide and well-wishes begin.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm also curious to know how you feel about celebration in general.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Do you wait to practice celebration as reward or a reaction to good news?
0:34
SPEAKER_00: Or do you start to cringe when you hear the platitude?
0:37
SPEAKER_00: Have an attitude of gratitude.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: I have a feeling that you could be heading into the holiday season a little weary and not quite as grateful as you would like to be.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: And it's not because you're ungrateful, but life is hard.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're even in a harder chapter in this moment than you have been in years past.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: And maybe even every year around this time, around the holidays, the harder things feel more pronounced because you miss what you don't have.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: What is no longer.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: You might even feel that the celebratory season makes the relationships no longer in your life more pronounced.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: The big disappointments of the goals you didn't reach glaring, and the anxiety from all the demands of the holiday feels really weighty.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what particular pain or hardship that you're facing this moment or holiday, but yours matters too.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: Please, friend, be kind to yourself.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: And being kind to yourself, it might look like having a big cry, giving yourself time to pray a little longer each day, maybe reaching out for help to a friend or counselor.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: Make some plans and then pray some more.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: And then you might end up needing to cancel some of those plans, and that's okay.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: But through it all, I would love for you to access God's grace and peace.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Yes, you do have so much to be thankful for, but that doesn't negate the suffering in your life.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't dismiss it.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: Your pain matters.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: You matter.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: And consider this a reminder from a friend saying that you are loved.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: Even if no one else knows what you carry, God knows, and he won't leave you alone.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: Jingle bells, plates of cookies, turkey trots, and Christmas wishes.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's that time of year again.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: I can hardly believe it, can you?
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Amy Wicks, a wife, mom, author, certified Enneagram life coach, and host of the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the sixth annual Advent Series, where you're gonna hear all about the practical rhythms for cultivating gratitude and celebration this holiday season.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: Let's usher in this time of year with a tone of excitement because Christ's birth is something that has changed everything for you and me.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to share these powerful guest conversations with you about food freedom, navigating lost during times of celebration, sharing favorite holiday traditions, and even how to relate to all the Enneagram types, even unhealthy ones, at all those family gatherings.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: I pray this wholehearted take on the Aven season blesses you richly, sweet friend.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: Merry Christmas.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever experienced getting the wind knocked out of you?
3:55
SPEAKER_00: You fall on the ground or something hits you and it like, well, it just takes your breath away.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: I find it kind of funny in hindsight that oftentimes at the moment, and I'm guilty of this myself when my kids have gotten the wind knocked out of them, you ask if they're okay, or you get asked, Are you okay?
4:16
SPEAKER_00: But here's the deal: you can't even answer.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: You can only grimace because even though in that moment you know you'll be okay again, you can't breathe.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: And when you can't breathe, you can't answer.
4:28
SPEAKER_00: It's just painful.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: There are no words, only a sense of I can't breathe.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Well, here's a true confession for you.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: It has been one year, eight months, five days, and 20 hours, and I feel like my breath is finally coming back.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I got the breath knock out of me a while back, and I've hinted at it, I've told you some of the pieces of the story, but just the other day, and it was a very ordinary day as I was driving my kids to and fro to yet another thing, I suddenly didn't feel sad.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: And in fact, not only did I not feel sad, I felt deep excitement.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: It really was the first feeling of anticipation in what has felt like a really long time.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: Now, over these past 20 minutes, there have been special moments and happy moments and sweet moments that have, you know, I'm carrying with me and I'm so grateful for.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: But ultimately, there's been this sense of a cloud overhead or a long shadow cast over every scene.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: Everything has had an asterisk by it.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: It's all tasted bitter, sweet.
5:48
SPEAKER_00: And in fact, there has been more bitter than sweet.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: I even forgot that there could be such a thing as just a sweet, joy-filled, happy moment.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: In reality, as I've evaluated what to share this week and this holiday season, I had to take an honest look.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: And thing is, is I really have kept celebration and happiness at a distance for a while.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: I've done it off and on for the majority of my life, even.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: Part of that is due to childhood trauma and personality.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: But ultimately, I think maybe perhaps you have as well.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: It really is easier sometimes to protect yourself by not getting your hopes up.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: Maybe even preparing for the worst case scenario feels safer.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: Rehearsing disaster and maybe practicing disappointment is more natural than celebrating in happiness.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: You might even call this planning and preparing and practicing being a realist.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: But the truth is you might be scared to feel joy.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Because if you feel joy, it's vulnerable.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: And you may have over time learned to protect yourself against that vulnerability with a form of pessimism or cynicism which refuses to hold joy.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: But that form of control or doubt is ultimately not the way that leads to life-giving rhythms.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: That tight-fisted posture doesn't protect you from pain, but in the end, it only blocks out hope and joy.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: If you've experienced deep trauma or you're experiencing fresh grief, it might even feel safer or easier to hold joy and celebration at a distance and at a far distance.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: But my sweet friend, if you wait for the pain to be completely gone or to get to the other side of the goal accomplished, or for the relationship to be just right, you might miss something valuable in that in-between space.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Your joy or celebration may sit waiting on the other side, just out of reach.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: Always.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: Now here's something to think about.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: The celebration rhythm and response to what is already right in front of you and what is good in the not yet invites you to cultivate more joy for what you have in the present.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: This rhythm helps you see what is right in front of you.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: Celebration helps you experience more connection, meaning, and joy with God, yourself, and others, regardless of the circumstances.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: And it helps you enjoy the life you already have.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: This is the yes and of grief.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: How you can hold joy and suffering simultaneously, and yet how you can cry and laugh amid great loss.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: My hope is that you will join me in making this the holiday season where you practice getting your hopes up, to let your imagination wander beyond what you can see, and not allow your disappointment to overshadow your wonder of God.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: I really would love for you to receive and hold joy with two hands, regardless of the pain and disappointment.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: I know traditionally, as I work with my clients during these months of celebration, we spend a lot of time addressing this wrestle.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: And so because I can't meet with everyone and have that important one-on-one conversation that you probably are in need of, I thought this would be helpful, that maybe through this podcast episode in particular, I could offer something tangible and practical to you as the feasting, decorating, and the gathering begins.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: And while I've been experiencing fresh grief and finally stepping into that joy again, I've also spent well over a decade addressing the wrestle I feel during the holiday season.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: It's kind of a tradition in its own right for me.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: I have shared about some of this in past years during the Advent season, but for now, I can joyfully say that celebration is for you too, even if it's not the norm, even if it's not something you've experienced before, and it's been a really hard chapter for you lately.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: And that's why I'm so passionate about sharing this particular thought and idea during the holiday season.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to add to the noise, but I want you to be able to find rhythms of wholehearted celebration this year, right now, and maybe even today for the first time in a long time.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: So we've spent some time together, just like I do with my clients.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: We name the grief, we name the disappointment, we name the fact that we're just not feeling how we think the world is telling us to feel.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: But I also couple this in my sessions with real practical application.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: And one of those is to address the reality of how your personality tends to think, how you're naturally wired, and what we can do about it in light of God's grace.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: So today, in this little segment, we're gonna take some time exploring how you naturally tend to think in an either-or manner.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: Now, your unique either-or thinking is often rooted in your ideal self.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: We have talked about the ideal self before, but I'm gonna take a minute to define it.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: The real self and the ideal self are terms that we use to describe how you are divided within yourself.
11:55
SPEAKER_00: The authentic self is who you are.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: It's how you think, how you feel, look, and act.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: The real self is how God designed you.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: And because of the fall, that includes flaws and all.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: On the other hand, the ideal self is how we want to be seen.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: We have developed an idealized image over time based on what we have learned and experienced.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: The ideal self could include what your parents have taught you, what you admire in others, what the society or culture promotes that you're involved in, and even what you think is in your best interest.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, the ideal self is the mask you try to keep on, your idols, and often the unrealistic expectations you hold for yourself and others.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: Now, the ideal self or even having ideals, it's not just a seasonal holiday issue.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: It's our human experience.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: It's your human experience.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: And again, most of my one-on-one coaching sessions are really centered around identifying your ideal self and then welcoming the real self time and time and time again.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: Because my work and my mission is to help you exchange the heavy yoke and burden that you carry daily.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: And the ideal self can get pretty heavy.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: Now, next, as we dive into the practicals of this teaching, we're gonna explore something called dichotomy.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: And it's something I actually got to share about during the wholehearted Enneagram Summit this last fall.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: And it was a session, it was at the end of a longer session, and it was received with so much powerful feedback.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: I knew I had to share it with you as well.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: So, first, we're gonna define the word dichotomy.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: When you Google dichotomy, you'll see this definition.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: It says a division or contrast between two things that are or represented as being opposed or entirely different.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: And that is, everyone tends to turn to this dichotomy thinking or black or white thinking or either-or thinking.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: We can name it a couple different things.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: So I hope that as you've been part of this wholehearted community, you have begun to understand that there is a both and, and it's not always either or.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: Different emotions can coexist, like grief and celebration.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: And it's okay that you're experiencing mixed emotions any time of year.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: It's okay that while you're experiencing grief, there is a time to laugh.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: And while there's a time to laugh and to hold joy, there's also loss, sorrow, and disappointment.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: Now there is one element that I consider black or white, and I think it's just worth stating here.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: I call it the bullseye of righteousness because I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God, and He came, we're celebrating now.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: He came as a little baby, he lived as a human in bodily form, but yet he was perfect and therefore the perfect sacrifice for us.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: And the bullseye is that as you put your faith in the Son Jesus Christ, that we can have a relationship with the Heavenly Father.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: That's the bullseye.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: That's the black and white moment for me.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: There are a lot of other things that follow close to that.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: And I believe we can go to the Word of God for those things.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: But many other things, including traditions of our faith, they might fall in the both and.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: And this is what I've navigated with clients and with my friends.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: And it's oftentimes we can get hung up in that either or.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: It's hard to engage in that both and, and it looks different for each of us.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: But if you can exchange your black or white thinking and find yourself somewhere in the middle, you can find freedom in your work life, in your relationships, and you can even find freedom to celebrate.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: Now, there is so much here.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: It's been sort of hard to even think how I can condense this into one podcast episode because, well, a lot of times I'm having conversations with just one individual about this, and we work through it and we identify details and the nuances for each client.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: But I've wanted to narrow it down to about two words for each personality type.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: It's not extensive, but it might be something for you to begin to think about.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: And we're going to engage at the end of this episode a little bit of what it looks like to get into that middle place, that between the either or, so we can find room for gratitude exactly where we are, so we can have space to celebrate what is, even if we don't have the yet that we've hoped for.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: So many things to think about, but I'm gonna start off for the Enneagram ones here.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: They're traditionally seen as either or black or white thinkers, but specifically for the type one, the situation tends to be either wrong or right.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: It can also be the people that you engage with.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: They're either wrong or they're right.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: And for the ones, you would maybe say they're that isn't how you think.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: But once you've been able to engage in understanding a little bit more about yourself and the self-awareness that the Enneagram offers, you begin to realize, oh yeah, some people in your life have things that they do or say that you have spent your life thinking, that is just wrong.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: That is not how I do it, and therefore that's not how you should do it.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: But as I've coached Enneagram ones, there's this beautiful space where they begin to realize that is how I think, and that is my true moral compass.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: And again, I'm I'm talking more outside of the bullseye here, but maybe it's just about how they load the dishwasher or cook a meal or choose to feast together or say a prayer.
18:23
SPEAKER_00: You begin to make space in that middle place that, oh, just because it's different than how I do it, it's not wrong.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: It's just different.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: For the Enneagram too, you tend to navigate or live thinking you're either not wanted or needed.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: And if you're not needed in that situation, you're not wanted.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: This is where it becomes scary territory because the invitation is really somewhere in the middle.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: Just because you're not needed a hundred percent of the time, it doesn't mean you're not wanted.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: If you are needed, it doesn't always mean that you're wanted either, right?
19:10
SPEAKER_00: It's not just specifically about you serving.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: You really still have a place and value with that person or in that situation.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: And there's a need for you to contribute, whether you're specifically stated that you're needed or not.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: So the invitation for you in some of these moments, and as we're gathering with lots of different family and friends, is even if you're not the person doing all the serving and the helping and the cleaning, the planning for that party, you're wanted at that party.
19:42
SPEAKER_00: And you're actually needed.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: Your presence is needed.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: You have something important to contribute as you're a part of it, and you're wanted for just being you.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: Again, it's hard for me to stop right here for this little description, but I hope that this is helping for you today if you're in Enneagram too.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: Now, for the three, oh man, it is difficult.
20:07
SPEAKER_00: Their either-or thinking or your either-or thinking is if it wasn't a wild success, it's a failure.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: And oh man, this time of year, that either-or thinking can really hit you with loads of disappointment.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: Because, right, traditionally and how we work in our businesses or systems or life, it's it's the last quarter.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: Uh, there's not usually much time to turn the ship around if things haven't been a wild success.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: But the invitation is somewhere in the middle.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: It's okay if you didn't have your most successful year, if that event you planned, that career goal that you were reaching, that vision that you had, it wasn't a wild success.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't mean it was a total failure.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: Because when you live in that failing space, oh, it leads to so much disappointment, so much discouragement, and it can even cause you to count yourself out of what is next year.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: Because usually that middle place is it was good.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: It was really good.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: And maybe even when you begin to exchange your matric for God's matric, you can begin to see how ultimately all that matters is that you're successful in his eyes.
21:36
SPEAKER_00: And you begin to realize how his eyes see success.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's just you being you and you being available to him and just being with him before you do a thing.
21:48
SPEAKER_00: So, my Enneagram friend, if it was good enough, and just because it wasn't wild like success, it doesn't mean that you failed.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: For the Enneagram 4, the big difference is you feel like you're an outcast or you don't belong.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: So if you don't immediately have the sense of belonging, and maybe you can't even find the kindredness or depth of life or shared life, then you feel like you don't belong at all or complete outcast.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: You begin to talk yourself out of belonging to the group or organization or with the friend.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: But most of the time it's somewhere in the middle.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: You can have a wonderful deep belonging, even if you're not the only person, even if you're not the exclusive go-to person, you do belong to them and you share a unique contribution to their life, to that friendship, to that organization, to that community.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're a type five, your either or thinking is if I'm not 100% knowledgeable, then I'm ignorant.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: But it's really somewhere in between, right?
23:09
SPEAKER_00: You can possess both.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: Even if you don't have all the information, you still have plenty of knowledge and insight to offer to those around you, to offer to your workplace, to your family, to your community.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: Just because you don't have an answer, it doesn't mean you're ignorant.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: You have so much insight and information and wisdom to contribute.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: Again, just because you don't have all the answers doesn't mean that it's time to be quiet.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: It's actually the invitation to show up and offer what you have, acknowledging when you don't have the answer.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean you're ignorant.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: All right, for you, my type six friend, this feeling, which isn't probably too surprising, is that if you don't feel completely safe, then you are unsafe.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: Again, that either-or thinking is that sense that if you don't know that I'm 100% confidently safe in this situation, then it must mean that I'm unsafe and I have to figure out how to get back to safety again.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: But the middle ground often is that there is nothing a hundred percent safe.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: And it's rarely going to go exactly as planned or as you wanted it to to be a hundred percent all of the time.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: So that invitation to that middle place is that you will be safe even if it's not a hundred percent safe, even if it's not guaranteed safe.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: There's somewhere in the middle that it's learning to trust yourself to make good decisions, to ultimately trust God for your safety, and learn that people can be trustworthy, that people are trustworthy.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: And even if they aren't going to be trustworthy 100% of the time because, well, they're human, you can be safe.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: You can be safe in that relationship, you can be safe in that workplace environment, you can be safe in that community, even if it's not 100% and not perfect.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: For my Enneagram 7 friend, you might be guilty of thinking if I don't have complete freedom, or maybe even the word autonomy would resonate, that you are being held back or limited.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: Oh, friend, I get it.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm guessing you've probably thought about this once or twice.
25:44
SPEAKER_00: But it truly is somewhere in the middle.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: It's okay if you have limitations, if you don't have complete autonomy.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: I've learned to call them beautiful limitations.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: That's thanks to my friend Sarah Hagerty and Enneagram4, who does a lot better with limitations than I do.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: There really is so much about life that may beautifully limit you.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: But it is in time, at least I begin to see it, the kindness of the Lord.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: And instead, he invites me to believe that I'm boundless in him.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: But in everything else, there is a healthy boundary.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: And it's not that you as a seven are limited, and it's not the Lord crushing your freedom.
26:31
SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful freedom within the boundary lines that he has set for you.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: Now, I can apply this to a lot of things coming up this holiday season, but I'll let you take it from here.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: Now, for my eight friend, you well, this is tough for you.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: And I get to work with a lot of Enneagram 8.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm raising an Enneagram eight, and I feel like I get this in such a deep, profound way because I also have a strong eight-wing, and I experience this at time.
27:07
SPEAKER_00: But your either-or thinking is if you don't absolutely love it, you hate it, and you don't want to have anything to do with you.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: If you're not a hundred percent, or if those people are not a hundred percent for you, then they're probably against you.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever experienced that?
27:27
SPEAKER_00: And are you an eight who might be willing to say, um, yeah, maybe I've experienced that a few times.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: But again, the invitation is that it's okay if you don't love it.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that you have to hate it.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: It can be somewhere in the middle.
27:48
SPEAKER_00: You can just like it.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: You can just be okay with it.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: You can just be okay with them, and they can be just okay with you.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: You are great at expressing passion, whether it's passion for hating it or loving it.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: I'd love for you to experience to not dial in the passion, but to invite neutrality and acceptance to be somewhere in the middle of those two swings of passion and emotion.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: It's okay to just let things be.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: Alright, last but not least, my Enneagram nine friend, I've been amazed again and again as I've worked with nines and talked with nines.
28:34
SPEAKER_00: It's even heartbreaking at times because if you don't have complete confidence that you are valuable and that your opinion matters, or that it's invited and sought out, then you feel this extreme of being not valuable, that you don't matter if you're not asked.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: Here's food for thought.
28:57
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're not in the center of attention, not that you want to be the center of attention, or maybe no one is asking you directly.
29:07
SPEAKER_00: The invitation is to go ahead and insert yourself, to share and express your opinion because it is valuable.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: It matters.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: People do want to hear from you, even if they forget to ask.
29:21
SPEAKER_00: It's oftentimes because they're the personality that would share, regardless if they're asked or not, and so they expect you to do the same.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: Your opinion is wanted, it's desirable, and you really do have something important to contribute.
29:36
SPEAKER_00: And I am sorry that you're not being directly asked, but it's wanted and needed.
29:42
SPEAKER_00: These are just the beginning of a big idea, and it's food for thought.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: So wherever you are at with your Enneagram journey, I'd love for you to think about these ideas.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: And maybe for a lot of the clients that I've worked with, diving into this either-or thinking has helped them realize that they've been mistyped.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: Or as they've been on the typing journey, they're going, oh, wait a minute, this is really how I've navigated my relationships or applied my thinking to work and so many other things.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: This either-or thinking can definitely contribute to the disappointment, to the loss, and to the grief that we feel.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: And as I keep using the word invitation over and over again, I hope you experience that invitation, that you invite yourself to that middle place between the either-or thinking.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: It begins with believing that you are the beloved daughter of God and that He can help you navigate and get to that middle place.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: So I want to summarize real quick the two words that I shared today.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: You might want to go back and listen to part of this, and man, I would love it if you did and really soaked it in for you because it is something that I give my clients and we work through.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: And because I can't maybe meet with you this holiday season, I hope that you take this as a true coaching session to integrate some joy and celebration.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: Now, for the type one, we talked about wrong right.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: The type two, I mentioned not wanted versus being needed.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: For the three, the either or thinking is fail or success.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: For the four, it's outcast or belonging.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: For the five, it's ignorant or knowledgeable.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: For the six, it's unsafe or safe.
31:38
SPEAKER_00: For the seven, it's limited versus freedom.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: For the eight, it's hate it or love it.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: And for the nine, you could either feel like you don't matter or that you're valuable.
31:55
SPEAKER_00: Now, friend, my prayer for you this season and beyond into 2023 is that you give yourself permission to feel all of the emotions.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: Feeling unpleasant emotions doesn't make you a bad person.
32:09
SPEAKER_00: They don't have moral worth to them.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: When we allow them to come to the surface, we don't shame them, we actually free ourselves to feel more joy.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: Yes, when you allow yourself to feel, then you're able to pass through that feeling, like a wave that hits the shore and then is released back into the ocean.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: Whereas you dive into that wave, you get to the other side.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: All emotions that you experience have something to teach you.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: Will you listen to what's in you today?
32:50
SPEAKER_00: What is the emotion that feels mixed?
32:54
SPEAKER_00: And instead of judgment or shame, you just acknowledge them, you become aware of them, and you hold them into the light of truth.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: Feeling these different emotions and feelings, the negative ones in particular, it doesn't negate your thankfulness for your life and your chapter and the blessings.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: It's just acknowledging it that you might be experiencing disappointment, grief, frustration, or sadness.
33:23
SPEAKER_00: As you acknowledge it as you can name it, apply some of that either-or thinking language to what you might be feeling.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: And see if you can, with supernatural health, get to that middle place, to the both and.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: Remember, friend, emotions are simply guideposts that teach us about ourselves, and they are a gift from the Lord.
33:47
SPEAKER_00: He gave them to us so we can heal.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: I mean, Jesus Himself, as he walked on earth, he experienced a wide range of emotions, and he never sinned.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: So how about that?
34:00
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big emotions that you feel right now heading into the holidays are just that invitation to lean a little bit closer to him and to realize that you're simply human.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: And it allows the Lord to give you joy, joy and peace that surpasses all the circumstances and all your human understanding.
34:24
SPEAKER_00: There really is nothing wrong for you to feel that way.
34:26
SPEAKER_00: It's totally normal.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: Now, as we have had this conversation today, and I really feel like it is a conversation, I hope that it is a gift to you as you figure out how to navigate both loss and celebration.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: Maybe for you, this is something that you have dealt with on a greater, deeper, harder measure in years past.
34:48
SPEAKER_00: And maybe this year it's a little bit easier.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I hope that's the case.
34:52
SPEAKER_00: But maybe a friend came to mind.
34:54
SPEAKER_00: Maybe she's going through a divorce, maybe a loss or separation from a relationship, maybe job changes, maybe financial stress.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: There, there are a multitude of hardships that we might be experiencing, and you might know your friends are experiencing, or one of your closer friends.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: I would love to help them in some capacity as well.
35:15
SPEAKER_00: So if you want to share this podcast, you can share it to your Instagram stories, or you can just share it through text message with any of your favorite platforms, whether you're listening to this on Spotify or Apple Podcast or or even Amazon Music.
35:31
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's a list of them, right?
35:33
SPEAKER_00: So whatever it is that you're using to listen to this today, if you would share this episode with your friend, I would really love to walk with them during the season so they might be able to experience celebration in spite of some of the loss and the grief that they're experiencing this year.
35:50
SPEAKER_00: Man, I love this wholehearted rhythm.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: I can't say enough.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: I mean, really, what we're doing here was simply wholehearted, and I say we because there's a couple new people coming in on behind the scenes, and I'll share more about this as the conversation continues.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: But but ultimately, I want to invite you into these wholehearted rhythms.
36:11
SPEAKER_00: And and this right here, what we're focusing on in these last three months of the year is the wholehearted celebration of the Advent season.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: As we do that, I'm going to be introducing you to some of my friends, new and old, what it looks like to purposely sit with our Heavenly Father and to explore the amazing gift that we are celebrating this holiday season, the gift of a son.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: So, first up, that is very specific to that Advent rhythm that is traditional and maybe familiar for you, or maybe it's brand new.
36:44
SPEAKER_00: My good friend Jody Fry, we have such a fun and fascinating story, and it's a beautiful full circle moment for me.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: I've had those happen the last couple of years.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: And I guess if you do something long enough, it's bound to happen.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: But Jodi Fry is gonna be on the podcast sharing about her new devotional.
37:03
SPEAKER_00: It is beautiful and it goes through Luke.
37:05
SPEAKER_00: There's an audio collection along with it.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: There's so much goodness.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, she actually shares a lot about being an Enneagram one and her unique journey.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: I think we're gonna have to have her on the podcast again because I feel like we barely scratched the surface, but it's so good.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: I can't wait for you to listen to that next week.
37:22
SPEAKER_00: But until next time, my friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your simply wholehearted life.