Latest / Mental Health and the Mission of the Church / ABC's OF MANAGING EMOTIONS cont

Transcript

ABC's OF MANAGING EMOTIONS cont · Mental Health and the Mission of the Church

• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everybody.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I uh I'm doing this a little bit different way this morning, so if I seem a little distracted, it might be that.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm uh I'm just trying to learn more and more about how to do this in a way that's the most helpful.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I've really been enjoying talking to you.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm enjoying some of the feedback I'm getting from you guys.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: But um the cool thing is um this stuff that we're talking about, it's it's it's based on uh principles from scripture.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh be you transformed by the renewing of your mind.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Romans 12, 2, uh Ephesians 4, um put off the old man, Ephesians 4 22, 23.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh be renewed in the spirit of your mind.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Be renewed in the spirit of your mind.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Really interesting change of wording there.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then 24 says, put on the new man.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you got the old guy, the that you with the different parts of you that you feel like you want to change, that would help you live more effectively and victoriously and be more the person you want to be, be less affected.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to me now, be less affected by what other things, things and people do and don't do.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh put off the old man.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: 24.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's 22, 24 says, put on the new man.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, carry yourself more in the ways that that you really want to, that deep in your heart you know are would work better and would present you as as more the person you want people to see you as in a in a more Christ-like fashion, as we Christians like to say.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: But sandwich in the middle, put off the old man, 22, 24, put on the new man.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, here's this picture of change, putting off, putting, and I love scripture.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love, gosh, man, I when I studied the whole counseling thing, having been a fairly strongly rooted mature Christian already, it it opened up scripture to me, and it helped me see that all the information we need is there.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: We just need to think it through a little bit differently.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But here's this these three verses, Ephesians 4, 22 through 24.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And what they're saying is this put off.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, it's kind of like a garments of clothing.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Put off.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, here's the thing: do you do that all at once?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Do you just go poof and your clothes are changed?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, you you put off a garment at a time, you take your shoes off, take your socks off.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: What am I trying to say?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's what change is gonna look like, man.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Change is gonna look like the mirror of reality.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: That means your interaction with people and things, your interaction with circumstances.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: You how do you respond?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you know, remember we're talking about A, B, C.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: A is an activating external event.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Might be someone, something someone said, someone did, something someone didn't say or didn't do a circumstance that didn't work out the way you hoped that it would.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's A, the activating event.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: C is our corresponding response.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, A triggered us.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: We think A, that external event, causes our response.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: When in reality it's A, B.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'll frame my head, because B is your belief system, and that's what we want to talk about a little bit today, is your belief system.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: But back to Ephesians 4, 22 and 24 through 24.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Putting off the old man, what happens is A, those outside activating events are like a mirror if you learn to pay attention.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: My interactions with my wife give me an opportunity to see myself more clearly, and I realize, you know, you you are fairly opinionated, you know, you could be a little bit stubborn.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a little spot here that when you poke it, you can be pretty insecure.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I I have to decide what am I gonna do with that information?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I can blame it on her, I can, I can, and I'm pretty good with words, I can manipulate the situation to where she feels like, oh gosh, I guess if I would stop doing that, you wouldn't have that issue.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, I'm still gonna have the issue.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's just she's gonna change her behavior so she doesn't trigger the issue, but other people in situations are going to.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, I've not squared off with my issue.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Put off the old man.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm saying is, as life exposes you to you, great opportunity to ask God, what are you saying to me about me?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Then, so you got A, and it triggers something, C, corresponding response, and we're the gold mind, if you will, the gold mine, if you will, is B, your belief system.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So you got put off Ephesians 4.22, put on the new, Ephesians 4.24, and sandwiched in the middle is be renewed in the spirit of your mind.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, first of all, uh, I've been at this a long time, and I've had all kinds of people come at me with different opinions and beliefs and whatever.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And one of them is this well, you know, uh 2 Corinthians 5.17, you know, if any man be in Christ, he's a new creation, new creature.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we have this sense that, well, God just changes us.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um here's the deal, guys.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: What that creates is uh pretending, because if we're around a culture that's created around that thought, then we believe if you're really a sincere follower of God, you should be changed.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are we gonna do?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna pretend we're changed, even though we still battle the same things.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And sadly, what happens is our family sees the real us, and people we work with, people we go to church with don't.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's another thing that it creates: it creates this sense of shame and uh inferiority.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, I'm at church and I'm hearing a sermon on how Jesus sets us free, and and there's nothing going on in your life that you can't have victory over.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're in Christ, old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new, and you you you know, all your struggles are over, kind of.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I look around the room and everybody looks pretty happy, and everybody's saying amen, or whatever your your culture's habits are, customs are, and um, and here's the deal I I still get angry, I still get depressed, I still tell a lie every once in a while, I still look at pornography, I still um you know you see where I'm going.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying, okay, put off the old man, it's like a process, it's not an event, it's a process, it's not an event, it's a process.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, how long a process?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: How about the rest of your life?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: How about the rest of your life?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Put off, be renewed in the spirit of your mind, put on the new man.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, what up what are where are we going?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: A, B, C, the A, B, Cs of emotion.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: A, activating that B.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to get this, it's why I'm repeating so much.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: B is your belief system, and that's what we're gonna talk about for a minute today.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then C is your your corresponding um actions.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: All right, here's here's the thing: belief system out of the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, be it unto you according to your faith.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's change that just a little bit.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think we're hurting it.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Be it unto you, or life's going to unfold around you according to what you believe in your heart.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now remember last week we talked about a negativity bias and a confirmation bias.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you if you didn't catch that, go back and listen to that.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, what happens is we see what we're looking for.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: My father would say you're you're lazy, you'll never mount to anything.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, bottom line is faith comes by hearing.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Most important person in the world to me was my dad.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was kind of a laid-back, non-lower energy kind of guy, meaning I my favorite thing to do was read.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I was into sports and all that, but uh, like girls, by the way, a lot, too much.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um so what would happen is I I would get into situations where I saw something I wanted, but it was gonna be hard.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: It it was gonna it was gonna require me to to exert myself at a level that was was gonna be uncomfortable and scary, and I could fail.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And and and what would happen is I'd start toward it, and then I don't know that I was this aware then, but now I know what would happen is this little voice would say, Yeah, but dude, you're you're not gonna pay the price.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're not gonna do what you need to do.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Don't don't don't even go there.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're setting yourself up.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so what would happen is I would I would just kind of let it go and probably make up reasons in my head, you know, kind of self-delusion about why.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what am I trying to say?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Outside event, my response, what triggers really triggers my response, is what's built in, baked, if you will I'll baked into my belief system.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the trick, and this is what we're gonna be playing with as we go forward.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your belief system is stored in a different part of your brain.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean by that?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, your brain can only handle so much information at a time, and honestly, a very small little window.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, what it does is it it stores information in packets, scripts, if you will, and stores them, and when something familiar triggers, it pulls up that script.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my script was you're not gonna do the hard work, you're not gonna follow through, you're going to be a disappointment.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what would happen?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't even try.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: But what I didn't realize till later, as I started to learn this stuff, is it wasn't true.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't lazy, I was wired the way God wired me to fit the assignment He gave me.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really, really good at some stuff, and I really work hard.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Just in certain areas that I'm gifted in.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: So where are we going, man?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna throw this one at you, but we'll talk more about it next week.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: B T F A equals R.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: I just try to say stuff in a way that maybe you'll you it'll it'll ring with you.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: B T F A equals R.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: What you believe, which is mostly subconscious, but doesn't have to stay that way, drives what you think.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: What you think drives how you feel, and what you feel drives how you act.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Believe, think, feel, act, and those things together, how you believe, how you think, how you feel, how you act, determines the result that you get.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: BTFA equals R.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: In relationships, in business, in career, in friendships, in your physical well-being.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: What you believe, what you think, what you feel, how you act determines the result that you get.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the key of everything I'm saying to you.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Here's where the money is.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Go after your belief system.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And your belief system is is is built in you from years and years when you were this big, when you're actually this big inside your mother's womb, you began to collect the beliefs about reality and how it worked, what you could expect from it, what you bring to it, whether it's safe or scary, am I strong enough?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do I bring the right stuff to the table?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the reality, guys.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us, our heart is full of outright lies or half-truths, with a little bit of truth mixed in.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want I I want to live the best life I can.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: I got a whole lot more behind me than in front of me.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a good ride, and it's going to continue to be a good ride.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I would so love to help you get on a track where you start renovating.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I do with Romans 12, too.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Be transformed, renewing of your mind, Ephesians 4 23, be renewed in the spirit of your mind.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Renovating your beliefs, your thinking, your feeling, your acting.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Renovating your key thought from the inside out.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Get as deep as you can from the inside out and renovate your soul.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Love you guys, went long.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh, that's a real surprise, isn't it?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Love you, man.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Catch you next week.