Latest / Millennial Mustard Seed / S6 226. Laura Gallier & Carly - A Journey Through spiritual warfare, Identity, and the Healing Love of God

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S6 226. Laura Gallier & Carly - A Journey Through spiritual warfare, Identity, and the Healing Love of God · Millennial Mustard Seed

• 0:01
  Hello folks, this is Princess. You are listening to the
• 0:04
  Millennial Mustard. Seed podcast, thanks for
• 0:07
  listening. Don't forget to share with your
• 0:09
  friends. That's tough.
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  We're in a very tough spot. I think that what we're doing
• 0:15
  right now is a great benefit and virtue because it's an end
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  around between this whole corrupt informational system,
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  media system. We claim to believe in a God who
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  spoke the universe into existence.
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  And literally raised himself from the dead.
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  And yet we're not going to believe that anything else
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  exists in the spirit realm, even though his word tells us that
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  they do. Their bodies weren't permitted
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  to go to sleep like humans do, and they weren't permitted to go
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  to heaven, so they wander the earth.
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  You know, I've seen the eyes turn black to unknown tongues
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  being spoken. These giants would love way up
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  in the Highland, the young Braves, the young men would hide
• 0:59
  them in the trees and wait for one of these 12 footers to come
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  walking down the path and they would jump on them and kill
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  them, drag them back to the village, and the village would
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  feast on the body freedom. Then people start to get
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  weapons, they start to get armor, they start to build
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  cities, they start to fortify their cities.
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  Now God looks down and there's violence everywhere.
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  The battle, this war that we are at, is not against each other.
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  It's against these principalities and these rulers
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  and these archons in the high places.
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  It's really worthwhile to read the Bible yourself.
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  Fear is one of the primary drivers of mind control because
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  we have to take every thought captive and resist fear.
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  You're going to have a testimony that is a justice case against
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  the Kingdom of darkness. Music Welcome to the MMSI am
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  your producer, creator and part time host Rod Smith.
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  I got an amazing episode for you guys.
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  It's an exciting one. This is Carly and Laura Gallier
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  getting into some deep conversation.
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  So Laura Gallier was originally on season 5, episode 124.
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  I named it the Delusion series and the encroaching spirit of
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  Suicide. It was a powerful episode, as is
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  this one. Carly takes the mic and she
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  interviews Laura on a variety of different topics.
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  Some of the content covered. Laura gets into her raw and
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  honest journey through a four year season of debilitating
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  depression and trauma recovery. She talks about how God leads
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  her through the valley of the shadow of death, not around it,
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  and why the middle of the valley is often where healing begins.
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  Unresolved childhood trauma often underpins emotional and
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  mental health struggles. The role of spiritual warfare in
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  mental health. Laura's behind the scenes look
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  at writing the Delusion series, which is being made into a
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  feature film. The book is phenomenal.
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  Really looking forward to seeing the movie.
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  I love the screenplay. I love the way Laura wrote this.
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  It's engaging, it's relevant, and it has a lot to do with the
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  younger generation, which right now it's kind of rising up in a
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  weird way. And, and I believe God has big
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  plans for the younger generation.
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  But this, this kind of conversation with Carly and
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  Laura is next level just because of the toxic cycles that many of
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  us feel like we need to perform in this Christianity of the
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  West. I mean, is that authentic
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  performance? I don't think so.
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  I think relationship, raw vulnerability and honesty is
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  definitely the way to go and being honest with where we've
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  been in life, some of the most deepest and darkest things that
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  we've experienced. I believe God plan is good
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  plants, good seeds in that soil in those seasons of struggle,
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  hardship and deprivation. And so this is a really genuine
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  and organic and raw conversation between Carly and Laura Gallier.
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  Let's do some maintenance here real quick.
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  for Creators. Any way that you guys support
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  Pray for us that keeps us encouraged.
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  Feel free to send us an e-mail letting us know how this show
• 5:10
  has affected your walk and your life.
• 5:13
  I have an excellent line up of content coming out in the next
• 5:17
  couple weeks. We've done some of the coolest
• 5:18
  collaborations already done. Some of them are yet to be done.
• 5:22
  They're scheduled in the very near future.
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  Be encouraged and keep us in prayer because the MMS man,
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  we're ripping through the airwaves right now and I think
• 5:36
  it's about time to jump into this episode.
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  I'm ready. Are you guys ready?
• 5:46
  Let's. Go Welcome to the Millennial
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  Mustard Seed Podcast. We have a wonderful guest here
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  with us today, Laura Gallier. She is the author of the
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  Delusion series. She has a film and production
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  and we are so excited to have her back to talk about all the
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  good things God is doing in her life, all the wonderful writings
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  that she's getting and anything else that just is laid on her
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  heart to share. So thank you so much for joining
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  me at Millennial Must Receive podcast today.
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  Truly so glad to be here. Thank you so much.
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  Well, I would love to start with just a 30,000 foot view of what
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  the Lord has been telling you. Leading your heart, new places.
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  He's bringing you and your and your life.
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  Whatever you want to share, open us up.
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  Absolutely. Well, thank you.
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  Well, I have been called to do some some significant things.
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  And I always say in, in God, there's no such thing as an
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  insignificant thing. But it's significant in that it
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  has the potential to affect millions of people.
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  So that's, that's what I mean. We know we serve a God who goes
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  after the one. But with that has come years of
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  character development and getting my face beaten, for lack
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  of a better word, of just, you know, learning how to be like
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  Christ, learning. And it's amazing.
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  But there's just some things we can only learn in suffering.
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  So I've been through some things also seeing God opening amazing
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  doors and, and really do I do a lot of writing, do a lot of
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  speaking, love my family, love my friends, just living life
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  just like everybody who's who's listening to this.
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  And yeah, just just honored to explain in more depth what the
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  Lord is up to. Yeah, I would.
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  I look forward to hearing it. Last time you were on with Rod,
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  you were talking about that nurturing process from God as
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  you walked through your four years of depression and trauma
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  recovery. And I would love to hear kind of
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  what your process was about that, because I feel like we
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  often talk about the valley of the shadow of death as something
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  we just get through and we talk about what's on the other side.
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  But having gone through things like that myself, I could say
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  that it's not often talked about what it's like in there and how
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  the Lord shows up for us and how we show up to him.
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  And so I just love for people to have the opportunity to hear
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  from you about what that process was like for you so they don't
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  have to feel so odd in that space or kind of alone in that
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  space. Sure.
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  Well I had been through a lot of hardship early in life and had
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  some very tumultuous teen years. Just a mess.
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  Unplanned pregnancy, quick marriage, quick divorce, just a
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  lot on the on the front end of my life.
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  So by the time I got to be in my mid 20s, just really serving God
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  with my whole heart, you know, stable marriage came into my
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  life, stable family, started writing, speaking.
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  I love biblical truth and teaching, especially for people
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  who don't believe it. Those are my favorite people,
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  and so I was busy. I'd written The Delusion, which
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  is about the issue of suicide and depression and that
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  spiritual perspective of that. So I can expound on that later.
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  But all that to say, I was just enjoying life, going on about my
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  life, working on a potential film deal for The Delusion.
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  And in a single moment, a situation happened and all this
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  childhood trauma I didn't know was in there just came exploding
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  onto the scene. And I employed every technique I
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  knew, you know, prayer and, you know, read the Bible and talk to
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  my good friend who's like a counselor to me.
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  And I just, I did everything I knew to do.
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  And it got worse and it wasn't getting worse because God's word
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  isn't powerful and prayer isn't powerful and counseling isn't
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  powerful. It's that the wounding and the
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  depth of fear was so deep. And I want to be clear, I have
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  yet to discover really a mental emotional disorder, turmoil, if
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  you will not not just disorder, but like a, a mental emotional
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  torment that doesn't tie back to fear.
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  And it's one thing to be a little nervous or a little
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  apprehensive. You know, there's degrees of
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  fear. I was experiencing full on
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  terror, A terror that really exceeded my circumstance.
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  It wasn't rational and so, you know, here I was a person who
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  was there for people in situations like that and I was
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  just grasping and getting nowhere until I learned that I
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  have got to embrace this pain and figure out what God is
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  trying to teach me through this. I mean, the whole goal you just,
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  you're so miserable. And I mean, I, I was truly
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  having to tell my friends like, don't leave me alone.
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  I don't trust myself not to hurt myself.
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  It was that dark. It was so dark I didn't even
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  know emotions and reality could feel so dark.
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  I I had no idea. So immediately I had an empathy
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  for people who've gone through this before me.
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  But all that to say that you just want it to go away.
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  You want the pain to go away. You want to see the sunshine
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  again. You want to be normal again.
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  And I finally had to say no. I want to be healed of the lies
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  I've believed, the false identity, the things I put my
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  hope in that were idolatrous, that, you know, you actually get
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  applauded for these different accolades.
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  Just all the fakeness. I had studied in college and got
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  my degree in psychology, and I was familiar with the concept of
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  DID or like disassociative. And there are different degrees
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  of that, to be clear. But if someone would have told
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  me I had that going on, that there were areas of my life
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  where I was not conscious I was behaving a certain way, I would
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  not have believed them until I came face to face with face to
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  face with it. Just coping with intense fear
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  that dated back to my childhood in really unhealthy ways.
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  So it it was the opposite of overnight.
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  It was a long four year journey. I would start to feel like I was
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  getting better than feel like I got.
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  I slid right back down. I didn't recognize myself
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  emotionally. I was just so volatile and
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  sensitive and crying and dramatic and all these things
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  that were not indicative of me. And in the midst of this, I knew
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  it was very demonic. On top of everything, I'm big on
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  a holistic approach to all of this.
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  So, so we have a body that has chemicals, right?
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  Then we have a mind that has beliefs in psychology and then
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  we have an unseen enemy who's right there trying to bid us to
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  self destruct. And so all of that was was going
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  on at once. Wow.
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  That is, that is a lot indeed to go on at once.
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  And so was that after you were done with the Delusion series,
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  or did that come about in your writing process?
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  Yeah, I was finishing up Book 2 in the series The Deception, and
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  I had a contract for Book 3, The Defiance, when all of this
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  happened. And there's a grace I will tell
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  you I spent more time in prayer than I ever had in my entire
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  life. It was the only place that felt
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  remotely safe. Thank God I had cultivated a
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  relationship with God where I could hear his voice.
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  It's not like he was talking near as much as I wanted him to,
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  but it was truly that daily mana, like living by the promise
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  and what God is speaking to me from one minute to the next, one
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  day to the next. And then yes, there was a grace
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  on me to write the books, but I had to ask my publisher for an
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  extension. And at the same time, it was
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  enriching because my heart was just so open to the reality of
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  how hard this is, and it wove its way into the plot of that
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  third book. One of the characters
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  experiences crippling fear. Well, that's because that's what
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  I was going through. So instead of her being the
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  spiritual giant like she had been in the previous two books,
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  she was debilitated. And that was a very real
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  experience for me that I put in writing.
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  I think that that honest moment in the character shift was
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  probably really powerful for readers because when you walk
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  with the Lord for a while, you do come to a place.
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  A lot of us do come to a place where everything that used to
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  work doesn't work anymore. And then what?
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  And it often comes down to there's a deeper healing that
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  needs to happen. Like you said, you've been
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  skirting along doing the right things and the education and all
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  the experience. But then there's an identity
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  factor here, isn't there? You're going into that third
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  book and you have you are confronted with some trauma that
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  was deeper seated than you realized.
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  And it I often think that the Lord doesn't allow us into our
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  next seasons with our old baggage.
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  Like, OK, where you're going, you can't carry this.
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  The path is too narrow or however he words that to people.
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  Can you tell me a little bit about how that what that
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  relationship is between what you were doing writing the book and
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  your identity and how that changed?
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  Yeah. I mean, it's kind of like if you
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  picture a house that is partially on a foundation of
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  earth and then partially on stilts and you do see houses
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  like that. And I had most of my identity, I
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  like to think was on Christ. But there were these other
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  performance based areas of my life.
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  And I didn't realize it was totally subconscious, but I
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  lived with the belief that you have to earn worth and love.
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  And so I had this genuine heart truly for God and for people to
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  experience him. But it also felt like I had to
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  prove through some kind of success that I was worthy of
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  love. And that equates to striving and
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  insincerity. And really, performance is the
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  opposite of ministry. Performances is fantasy.
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  Ministry is being present and being led by the Spirit.
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  And so I was slipping in and out and not realizing it.
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  Not realizing it. And so it was such a gift for
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  God to show me that I knew going through it someday this could
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  translate and help other people, but I was careful just to focus
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  on my own healing and not get ahead of myself.
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  Suddenly the verse that says that Jesus learned obedience
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  through suffering. What Jesus had to learn
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  obedience. So there is there is something
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  to it's not even just a sin thing.
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  It's just learning how to not get ahead of his voice, learning
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  how to flow with the spirit. I needed to learn all that and I
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  couldn't agree with you more that when God puts his finger on
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  something in one season, like, hey, we need to deal with this.
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  If we don't, we can be sure there's going to be major
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  fallout in the next season. Doesn't mean his grace won't
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  pick us up and try again. He's so good, but I definitely
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  had to get free of these things. I'm called to the movie
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  industry. I mean, I have to have a very
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  clean, pure heart and be healed of things that would tempt me to
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  make it about myself or proving myself.
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  It's one of the biggest lies the enemy tells us is prove
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  yourself. He said it to Jesus in the
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  temptations in the wilderness. Prove you're the Son of God.
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  And it's a trick. And so I'm not saying I'm
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  perfectly holy all the time or somehow right, but I am able to
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  look back and marvel at how faithful the Holy Spirit is.
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  And it's not even just about my assignment.
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  He loves us. He wants us free, it says in
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  Galatians, for freedom's sake. He just loves us as his sons and
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  daughters. And he wanted me free.
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  Amen. Amen.
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  It's not about His To Do List for us, it's about our hearts.
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  I've often reflected on how He wants to cultivate those things
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  inside of us that have eternal value.
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  That is just Him and us. It's just my heart and His heart
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  because the rest of it, even if we build a beautiful empire or
• 18:05
  we do great things for the Kingdom of God, those things are
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  left here. It's like you see in the Old
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  Testament, Solomon died and his sons just made a mess of
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  everything, right? So what are we building, right?
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  Are we building something that has eternal value or not?
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  And I love to hear that, how he put his finger on the things
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  that had to be addressed. And when you go into a place
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  like the film industry, you have to be discerning, you have to
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  hear his voice for yourself. And it can't be performance.
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  And that's one thing that I agree with you.
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  It's very unfortunate how the Western church really promotes
• 18:40
  that performance mentality from the beginning of service to the
• 18:44
  end of service. And I love the church and, and
• 18:47
  his and his bride. I just don't know that we're
• 18:51
  nailing it in that space. And but what are your thoughts
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  about that? Oh man, I feel like we're
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  children, sisters, everything you're saying, you know, I love
• 19:04
  the church too. And and only God knows pastors
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  hearts and why they do what they do.
• 19:10
  But this idea that we're going to put on a big dog and pony
• 19:13
  show and make it elaborate and have the right pyrotechnics and
• 19:16
  lighting and talent. And if that's somehow going to
• 19:18
  equate to the Holy Spirit moving, it's a lie.
• 19:22
  And it may draw people to a certain extent, but they talk
• 19:25
  about the crisis of young people that graduate and and then quit
• 19:30
  going to church. I'm like, that's because they
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  know a performance when they spot one.
• 19:33
  And we need family. We need authenticity.
• 19:37
  We need God to move. And nothing wrong with, hey,
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  it's amazing when someone's a talented singer.
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  And I'm not saying we don't need nice stages and lights or
• 19:44
  whatever. It's not so much the stuff as it
• 19:47
  is the motivation behind it. And performance is not going to
• 19:51
  cut it. And it really hinders what God's
• 19:54
  trying to do. And he's looking and I feel him
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  saying this like to your listeners, he's looking for
• 19:59
  people who are willing to come out of performance.
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  But in order to do it, we've got to heal performance based
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  wounds. It is so intuitive.
• 20:07
  For example, I grew up without a father in the home.
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  And you just, it's, it's just this assumption we make that,
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  you know, love is not a guarantee.
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  So I've got to earn it. In every era where we're trying
• 20:19
  to earn love, we're performing and where we're performing,
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  we're not operating in the grace of God.
• 20:24
  And that doesn't make him furious at us.
• 20:26
  He doesn't want to strike us down.
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  It makes him actually draws him to us to to want to show us that
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  there's there's a better way, a genuine, authentic way.
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  And when I went through this horrible valley of depression,
• 20:38
  I, I remember him saying your only part is to be authentic.
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  I quite stop. Yes, yes.
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  Is that the sweetest thing you've ever?
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  I'm like, who is this God that is not telling me to get it
• 20:56
  together? I cancelled.
• 20:57
  I was hired to be a speaker at an FCA camp, summer camp for the
• 21:01
  second year in a row. And I had to cancel because, you
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  know, my life fell apart. I didn't know which end was up.
• 21:07
  And he didn't say, how dare you cancel get it together.
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  You had this ministry commitment.
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  He says to me, your only job is to be authentic with me.
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  You'll be honest with me. I'm like, that is the God we
• 21:18
  serve. That is the antithesis to
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  performance. OK, now we've been walking the
• 21:25
  same path and didn't even know it.
• 21:27
  I had to tell you a story. It's a short one.
• 21:30
  When I was, I left my career and I had to start over again.
• 21:33
  And I was just, I'm 44 and I was like, Lord, so many people my
• 21:39
  age, they have something that they've built over these decades
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  and I don't have that. What am I even good at?
• 21:48
  And he said you're really good at being yourself.
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  And I was like participation award.
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  What is that? And then he got really quiet
• 21:59
  with me, like, like serious. And he said very few of my
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  children are authentically themselves in every place, but
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  they compartmentalize their lives, their personalities,
• 22:14
  their desires, their virtue. And I saw it differently. 1 is
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  that he values who we are so much.
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  It's not about what we do. It's not.
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  And we could write a million books and have a bazillion
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  dollars and, you know, save a country or whatever.
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  But if our, if we're doing it out of that place of
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  performance, like you said, it's there's a lot of dead works in
• 22:44
  there, friends, there's a lot of chaff in the wheat.
• 22:46
  And there has to be a reckoning of your heart and your soul in
• 22:51
  the deeper places. And the Lord has talked to me
• 22:53
  about that being holy places, those places where pain still
• 22:57
  lives, where trauma still lives, where false identity lives, and
• 23:03
  how he sits in those places and waits for us.
• 23:08
  He's not in a hurry. He doesn't push us through the
• 23:13
  tears and ask us to get back on the horse, right?
• 23:16
  He sits in those hard places and waits for us there.
• 23:23
  I asked him about that once. He said this is my temple.
• 23:26
  This is my holy place. These broken places is where I
• 23:30
  live because who else? That's like the most important
• 23:35
  place for him to be, right? And so when we look at those
• 23:38
  places, we often want to rush through and stop the crying and
• 23:42
  get it together. I'm sure you went through that
• 23:44
  in your depression was like, oh, when is this going to be over?
• 23:46
  But he's like, I need you to Terry here with me, Terry here
• 23:50
  with me, feel the things, look at the stuff, think the
• 23:53
  thoughts, have the dreams, cry the tears, do all of those
• 23:57
  things because that's how restoration comes.
• 24:01
  What are your thoughts about that?
• 24:04
  So well said, so well said. And, and, and to be honest, even
• 24:08
  today, all this happened today. I recently had an experience
• 24:12
  couple weeks ago. Long story short, I thought I'd
• 24:15
  work through all my father issues, fatherlessness issues.
• 24:18
  I really thought I had. But a situation happened that
• 24:22
  just brought me face to face with with more grief or just not
• 24:25
  having a daddy growing up. I don't even know what that
• 24:28
  feels like to be honest. You know, I don't so.
• 24:31
  So if you have one, text him after this and say, I love you.
• 24:36
  But I went to pray about it because it it just my heart was
• 24:39
  just aching so, so severely. And the Lord just had me write
• 24:44
  out my listening prayer time. I'm all about listening prayer
• 24:47
  and writing and journaling. And I just started writing out
• 24:50
  things that I would have liked from a father and he he
• 24:53
  literally, I felt LED of him to say, just tell me how unfair
• 24:58
  each of those were that you didn't have.
• 25:01
  I mean, how sweet is that? And I'm crying, you know, and he
• 25:06
  just, and I'm, I'm thinking he's going to say something now,
• 25:09
  like, OK, you know, Next up. And he's like, we're just going
• 25:13
  to grieve, that the only way through grief is to grieve.
• 25:18
  And he just cares about these details of our lives.
• 25:22
  And my, my good friend Tiffany, she made this comment and I
• 25:25
  loved it. She said we're so busy trying to
• 25:27
  become something. And certainly that's the human
• 25:30
  way and the American way is she brought up, you know, like a
• 25:32
  camel with all the bags. You know, we're trying to put
• 25:35
  stuff on really spiritual maturity and becoming who we're
• 25:40
  really called to be in Christ is about just getting the bags off.
• 25:44
  It's all there. Your God DNA is there and know
• 25:48
  people. The enemy attacks where you
• 25:52
  reflect God the most. Yeah, he'll come after our
• 25:55
  weaknesses. But no, no, no.
• 25:56
  He wants to disrupt the thing where you most remind him of
• 26:01
  Father God. And he does it through lies and
• 26:04
  illusion and delusion. And he works on a trade system.
• 26:07
  He's always saying, and I don't mean that you're literally
• 26:10
  hearing this demonic voice like this, but on this subconscious
• 26:13
  level, on an emotional level, it's kind of like if you'll just
• 26:16
  lay down that you can have this. That's how he, that's how he
• 26:22
  works. And I've been invited on
• 26:24
  multiple occasions to lay down the Kala God of my life for some
• 26:28
  illusion. And so I just want to encourage
• 26:30
  you guys that wherever you're getting hit hardest, ask God
• 26:34
  what is it about you and me that he is so threatened about?
• 26:40
  And let God speak to you. The better you know the Word of
• 26:43
  God, the more you'll discern that it's His voice.
• 26:46
  Not every voice, not every spirit is God.
• 26:47
  As a matter of fact, you can pray.
• 26:49
  Lord, I bind every spirit and I accept no help or, or counsel
• 26:54
  from any spirit but the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ.
• 26:56
  You know, we can, we can pray that and, and that's very
• 26:59
  powerful to do, but start asking God questions that only he can
• 27:03
  answer. He just said that y'all, He
• 27:06
  literally just said that. I've never said that.
• 27:09
  Start asking Him the questions about you, your life, your
• 27:14
  destiny that only He can answer, and questions about him.
• 27:18
  If you're carrying offenses toward him, if offenses toward
• 27:20
  him, if you don't understand why this thing happened to you that
• 27:24
  was so horrible, who can answer that?
• 27:26
  But God, right? Amen, sister yo.
• 27:33
  Wow. So as you're talking, I'm
• 27:36
  thinking about how what the, what's in the bags on the
• 27:40
  camel's back? And I just wanted to name some
• 27:43
  of those things because they're not intrinsically bad, right?
• 27:46
  And one thing, instead of living in the grief with the Lord, we
• 27:50
  intellectualize it. We DSM 5 it.
• 27:53
  We say, oh, we diagnose ourselves.
• 27:55
  We say, oh, OK, now that I understand this intellectually,
• 27:58
  now I feel better. No friends.
• 28:01
  No, it's a Band-Aid. It's a trap.
• 28:03
  You have to sit in there and feel it.
• 28:06
  I used to feel like, God, if I start to cry, I'm never going to
• 28:10
  stop. If I really start to feel this
• 28:12
  thing, I'm going to fall forever.
• 28:14
  For years I felt that way. And then back in February, he
• 28:19
  was like, I got some truth I need to show you and it's time
• 28:22
  to fast. So I started fasting and he
• 28:26
  wanted me to look at that grief. And I just kept falling.
• 28:30
  But he was always there and you're just, it's just so
• 28:35
  powerful. Just keep going.
• 28:36
  I just love whatever is coming up for you right now.
• 28:38
  I see your eyes lighting up. Tell me something good.
• 28:41
  You're funny. No, honestly, I'm I'm just
• 28:44
  listening to what what you're saying and taking it all in.
• 28:47
  And I would just say don't, don't be afraid of of God's
• 28:53
  presence and where it might take you to your point of emotion.
• 28:55
  And we, we live in a country and it just a society that the
• 28:59
  minute a tear escapes out of our eye, what do we usually say to
• 29:02
  someone? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
• 29:04
  I'm crying. And look, I'm not saying God
• 29:06
  just wants us to sit around and boohoo and there's joy and
• 29:09
  there, you know, there's more to life than all this sad stuff.
• 29:11
  But a lot of times it's our wounding, right, that's standing
• 29:15
  in the way that's causing dysfunction.
• 29:17
  And I get it, we have medicines, right?
• 29:21
  They can help boost those chemicals and there's a time for
• 29:25
  that. But that's meant to be a bridge.
• 29:27
  It's not meant to be the final destination.
• 29:30
  And how dare we insinuate that the God who made our spirit,
• 29:34
  soul and body is somehow irrelevant and we, we only have
• 29:37
  medical science to help us when we're have anxiety or depression
• 29:41
  or these things, you know, use wisdom in that.
• 29:45
  There's a time for it, but don't insult the living God by
• 29:49
  insinuating that your soul is terrain that he can't speak to
• 29:54
  or help or heal. That is a slap in the face of
• 29:57
  God in this hour. I really believe that.
• 30:00
  Yeah, I completely agree. And I think we can pretty
• 30:04
  honestly look at the medical industrial complex and say this
• 30:08
  is a religion at this point. And because it's shifted to that
• 30:15
  dynamic, at least in my lifetime, I don't know what it
• 30:17
  was before, but we have to be careful not to have the idolatry
• 30:21
  of medicine we do. And when you talked about asking
• 30:26
  God the big questions, I love that I, oh, I live, I live there
• 30:31
  because like yourself, a lot of childhood trauma has made me
• 30:36
  hyper vigilant and very strategic all the time.
• 30:39
  And it's been a real struggle to lay that down.
• 30:42
  And one thing he's asked me to do is when I feel his nudging in
• 30:46
  a certain direction, my brain will start strategizing,
• 30:51
  assessing and, you know, making logistical analysis, analysis.
• 30:56
  And he said, talk, ask me, Carly, to talk to you like God.
• 31:02
  And so I do. And he says the most profound
• 31:06
  things, like I was offered this other position at this job that
• 31:10
  I have now. And I knew he wanted me to do
• 31:13
  it, but it didn't make any sense to me for so many reasons.
• 31:16
  And I said, OK, God, I'm going to do the thing you asked.
• 31:19
  Talk to me like God. And he started to tell me what
• 31:22
  he said to me was, I need you to take this position because I'm
• 31:25
  bringing judgement and it's going to shake the foundation.
• 31:29
  And I need you to fortify the walls.
• 31:32
  Now. I couldn't have come up with
• 31:33
  that. What are we?
• 31:34
  He said it. I was still like, Amen, Jesus.
• 31:39
  I don't know what that is, but I agreed.
• 31:41
  And as I walked out that position, that was true.
• 31:45
  That was true. There was a lot of shake ups and
• 31:48
  I spent a lot of time there praying day after day after day
• 31:51
  after day. And there was, after a while, I
• 31:54
  was just the only person still standing in that department.
• 31:58
  And it's just to say that he's the author and finisher of our
• 32:02
  faith. And so when we allow him to
• 32:05
  speak something that transcends our intellect, which is not a
• 32:08
  box he fits in, friends, it's not.
• 32:12
  And we allow him to speak how he speaks.
• 32:15
  It's it is like having a treasure chest that you can
• 32:18
  carry into your future and then link in your experiences too.
• 32:23
  So the experiences you're having are no longer just of your own
• 32:27
  fruition, your own striving, your own intellect, they be you.
• 32:29
  You begin to see it as a bigger dynamic into the Kingdom of God
• 32:33
  and what he's actually doing on a macro in the earth and
• 32:36
  involving you, which is a blessing.
• 32:38
  And it didn't come by striving right.
• 32:41
  That's right, absolutely. And we know the Word of God says
• 32:45
  where there's fear, there's torment.
• 32:47
  So we can also say where there's torment, there's fear.
• 32:50
  And it says that when we have fear, we haven't been perfected
• 32:54
  in love. Listen, there you go.
• 32:59
  You want a formula There it is where we have fear.
• 33:02
  We we lack a revelation of how much God loves us personally
• 33:06
  because his perfect love drives out fear.
• 33:08
  And y'all, I am living breathing billboard example.
• 33:13
  When you ask what ultimately healed you of that devastating
• 33:18
  mental emotional turmoil? The love of God, period.
• 33:21
  It was shown through people. I didn't go it alone.
• 33:24
  That's very dangerous. I surrounded myself with people.
• 33:27
  I got wise counsel. I did read books.
• 33:29
  I did all those things. But the love of God forced out
• 33:33
  the tormenting lies. And it's a lifestyle for me.
• 33:37
  You know, I continue to have him drive out lies.
• 33:42
  The other thing that's on my heart to say is that when you
• 33:47
  have this God DNA, OK, you have this call, you have this thing
• 33:50
  and you, you feel like I know I'm supposed to do this.
• 33:54
  I feel you want me to do this. And again, we have different
• 33:57
  kinds of callings and that, you know, some take months, some
• 34:00
  take years, but I've been on a 13 year journey to see this film
• 34:05
  made. And, and there's times when you
• 34:08
  just feel so like you're, you're working so hard and serving with
• 34:12
  the right heart, but you're just not getting to where you need to
• 34:14
  be in the Lord just kept telling me, like, just trust me, just
• 34:17
  trust me, just trust me. I do a lot of speaking and I
• 34:20
  wasn't trying to make a big name for myself, but it just felt
• 34:23
  like, you know, 20 people here, 30 people here.
• 34:25
  It's just that whole thing. Since 2008, I've been speaking,
• 34:28
  but just in God's economy, success is faithfulness.
• 34:32
  And I just clung to that. And you guys, I'm going to be
• 34:34
  honest with you. This happened last Tuesday, OK?
• 34:38
  Like Tuesday of last week, someone I, I spoke at a church,
• 34:41
  they send me the footage and they recorded it for me.
• 34:46
  And I'm like, you know, I haven't posted online a long
• 34:48
  time. I had like 375 TikTok followers.
• 34:51
  I try not to get into all that stuff.
• 34:53
  I'm hardly ever on social media. It can be very toxic.
• 34:55
  But at the same time, I want to put truth out there.
• 34:58
  I don't know, I don't remember even how many Instagram
• 35:01
  followers I had, but I'm like, OK, I make this quick little
• 35:04
  reel and I just put it up there. 3.8 million views on TikTok
• 35:11
  14,000 followers in a week. Why am I telling you this?
• 35:13
  Please don't drink the kool-aid that I'm intoxicated by social
• 35:17
  media. The point is overnight, whatever
• 35:21
  that looks like for you, because I need to shout from the
• 35:24
  rooftop. I'm making a film that needs to
• 35:27
  go far and wide. I don't need publicity for
• 35:30
  publicity's sake. I need an outlet to be able to
• 35:33
  tell people what we're doing, spending millions of dollars,
• 35:35
  not my money, by the way, but these investors.
• 35:38
  And so whatever it is where you need to go, God can do more for
• 35:42
  you in a moment of grace than you can do for yourself in a
• 35:46
  lifetime of effort. So quit striving.
• 35:49
  Quit trying to force, I mean, be diligent.
• 35:52
  I was diligent. Oh, with this journey.
• 35:55
  But rest assured, you already have the thing you need most,
• 35:59
  and that's him. That's him.
• 36:02
  You already have him, you have everything.
• 36:04
  Remember the Levites in the Bible, God was their
• 36:07
  inheritance. They didn't get an allotment of
• 36:09
  land. We already have God.
• 36:12
  We're all kings and priests in the New Testament.
• 36:14
  You know when when we're born again, right?
• 36:16
  We have that calling in Christ. You already have everything you
• 36:21
  need. And if you think you don't get
• 36:23
  on your knees, get on your knees and be authentic.
• 36:27
  I feel like I cannot live without this man or I feel like
• 36:30
  I cannot live without this promotion or I just cannot stand
• 36:34
  if I don't fit in that size of jeans or whatever it is you
• 36:37
  think God's not. You know, He's so holy that he
• 36:39
  can't identify. Be real.
• 36:42
  Whatever it is you think you have to have, bring it to him
• 36:46
  and what you really need, like I really need to reach people.
• 36:50
  He will do it probably when you least expected.
• 36:55
  And in ways you'll never expect, because he's the author and the
• 36:59
  finisher. He writes on our hearts, His
• 37:02
  faith while we sleep. And I think, oh, I just love
• 37:06
  this conversation about authenticity because I had the
• 37:09
  Lord ask me the other day, just last Friday, 2 Fridays ago, do
• 37:13
  you have faith that I'll provide for you when the numbers don't
• 37:16
  make sense? And I said no because that was
• 37:21
  the honest truth, Laura. I love it.
• 37:23
  I was like, no. And then I went on my day.
• 37:27
  He already knows at least I open the door.
• 37:30
  If that's not him knocking friends, I don't know what is.
• 37:32
  Because he'll ask you questions and test your faith and not
• 37:36
  because he wants to be like, oh, look at how you're blowing this.
• 37:39
  Because he wants to write something new in your heart.
• 37:42
  But you turn the page for him to write on when you're honest
• 37:47
  about the answer. Now, I just went to bed.
• 37:49
  I went about my weekend. I did whatever I was doing.
• 37:53
  And come Monday, a door opened that doesn't make sense on
• 37:56
  paper, but somehow in my sleep, he's written enough faith for me
• 38:01
  to walk through it. I didn't fast and I'm big for
• 38:03
  fasting. Sign me up for the fasting
• 38:05
  program and the Terry program and the all of that.
• 38:08
  But that's not what happened. And just to your point, the
• 38:11
  currency of heaven is faith, but it's also honesty.
• 38:16
  It's OK to say God like I don't, I don't have it.
• 38:19
  I don't know, because what He has inside of you, like you're
• 38:23
  saying, it is enough. That DNA that informs your
• 38:26
  purpose. It isn't about you trying to
• 38:28
  figure out how to get there. It's about learning to hear His
• 38:32
  voice and walking that deep inside path.
• 38:35
  Because the Kingdom of God is inside and the issues of life
• 38:38
  flow from the heart. They flow from your heart.
• 38:42
  So if there's icky water in there and it's flowing from your
• 38:45
  heart, you're going to make your own path dark and slippery.
• 38:49
  So as much as it is important to plan, well, like the Bible
• 38:52
  implores us to count the costs, right?
• 38:56
  But it also is over and over and over again, admonishing us to
• 38:59
  check our hearts. And that's where the rubber
• 39:02
  meets the road. So if you're trying to go
• 39:04
  somewhere in life and you just keep slipping, it's probably an
• 39:07
  inner journey issue that he wants you to take.
• 39:09
  What are your thoughts about that?
• 39:11
  I think it's genius. Incorrect.
• 39:14
  And, you know, I just want to say too, that sometimes we're
• 39:17
  like, well, you know, it's one thing to confess.
• 39:19
  I, I need faith for finances or I'm, I'm praying about my job
• 39:23
  and I, I don't know if I can trust you with my job.
• 39:25
  Sometimes things are so much deeper, you guys.
• 39:27
  I started off in my ministry journey talking about God's
• 39:30
  biblical plan for sexuality. I was a sexually active
• 39:35
  teenager. I was sexually active starting
• 39:37
  in the eighth grade, looking for love in all the wrong places.
• 39:41
  And it's, it's one thing again to come to God with.
• 39:45
  I'm nervous about this or this desire.
• 39:47
  It's another thing to bring your darkest, most shameful thing.
• 39:50
  And if you think for one second that your sin is so gross that
• 39:53
  Jesus won't wrap his arms around you, you don't know that side of
• 39:56
  Jesus. He he is not put off by your sin
• 40:03
  in the sense that don't get me wrong, he has, He's holy and he
• 40:06
  hates sin. But he will not despise a broken
• 40:10
  and contrite heart. And I don't care what it is.
• 40:13
  He wants to talk to you about it.
• 40:16
  And you don't have to be over it.
• 40:18
  In other words, you can be having a major lust issue and
• 40:21
  you're saying, well, when I when I get free from all this lust,
• 40:23
  then no, no, no, you're not. You're not going to get free.
• 40:26
  OK, newsflash, you are not going to get free.
• 40:30
  You're going to get deeper entrenched.
• 40:32
  But by the way, you should know that less problem has nothing to
• 40:35
  do with sex and has everything to do with probably an intimacy
• 40:39
  issue of the heart. And God gets that right.
• 40:42
  And you will not believe how you start to see people differently
• 40:45
  and suddenly that temptation to look at certain things, it just
• 40:47
  loses its power by God's grace. But my point is, I don't care
• 40:51
  what it is. I don't care how dirty it is, I
• 40:52
  don't care how dark it is, I don't care how shameful.
• 40:54
  That's the very thing you want to run to His presence.
• 40:58
  It says in Hebrews 4 that we can go to Him and find mercy and
• 41:03
  grace to help us in our time of need.
• 41:06
  Go boldly before His throne, it says, and find mercy and grace
• 41:10
  to help us in our time of need. Where is His throne?
• 41:13
  Where are you at right now? It's wherever you can shut that
• 41:18
  door and have some alone time. Turn off your music.
• 41:21
  You really don't hear from God very well when you're always
• 41:23
  have sound. That's one thing that came out
• 41:26
  of this, this thing of this four year journey.
• 41:28
  I'm kind of weird, but I, I will be home.
• 41:30
  I work from home. It will be, you could hear a pin
• 41:32
  drop all day long. And I know a lot of people that
• 41:35
  drive them nuts, but I just love to hear the voice of God and I
• 41:38
  just kind of set the atmosphere. Now, don't feel bad if you
• 41:40
  listen to music. That's not what I'm saying.
• 41:41
  But I'm saying if we have ceaseless activity, if we have
• 41:44
  ceaseless activity and noise, it's going to be really hard to
• 41:48
  hear that voice. Give them room to speak.
• 41:51
  Get alone, get your phone away from you and out of the room
• 41:56
  right, And just spend time with Jesus.
• 42:02
  Yes, yes. Because one thing Jesus is
• 42:05
  really good at finding is the roots to the tree that's bearing
• 42:09
  the fruit that you're trying to pray away.
• 42:11
  And I think sometimes we look outside of our lives and assess
• 42:15
  our circumstances and say, Jesus, I need you to fix that
• 42:18
  thing and that thing and this thing and that thing.
• 42:19
  And when he doesn't do it the way that we're expecting him to,
• 42:23
  again, building an intellectual box and trying to shove him in
• 42:26
  it, then we suddenly start to have crises of faith.
• 42:30
  And meanwhile, he's like, yoohoo over here at the roots where you
• 42:34
  can't see because they're underground.
• 42:36
  And only I can see in the darkness because I am the light.
• 42:40
  And and that's where learning the voice of God is so
• 42:42
  important. And that quietness sometimes so,
• 42:46
  so for me, like I have to go for walks.
• 42:47
  That's how me to have to be moving.
• 42:51
  But yeah, you just have to find what works.
• 42:53
  You have to find what works for you.
• 42:55
  And the journey is, is deeply, deeply personal.
• 42:58
  The Lord is so intimate with every cave and dusty corner of
• 43:03
  your heart. He knows all the stuff already.
• 43:06
  Yeah. So when we stopped looking at
• 43:09
  Lord, fix this fruit over here and start taking the journey
• 43:12
  that he wants, our lives really transform.
• 43:14
  And earlier, you had brought up how your community showed up for
• 43:17
  you in that season. And so it made me kind of
• 43:20
  wonder, was there something someone did or said that felt
• 43:23
  really pivotal? Sometimes there's quotes from
• 43:26
  friends you'd mentioned, one that really just shift our
• 43:29
  paradigm or take us over one of the lumps and humps of the path.
• 43:34
  Yeah, a little bit more. Well, first let me make this
• 43:37
  statement, and this is just straight from the Holy Spirit,
• 43:39
  but it aligns with what my friend really walked out and
• 43:42
  modeled with me during all of this is Christians.
• 43:45
  A lot of times we have a contrary thought and we want to
• 43:48
  take every thought captured. We want to cast down that
• 43:50
  thought like oh, that was perverted or that was selfish or
• 43:52
  that was greedy. We just want to cast down these
• 43:54
  thoughts and that's fine. But you can't cast down beliefs.
• 43:58
  We don't cast down beliefs. All right?
• 44:01
  You got to stare at a belief in the face.
• 44:03
  You got to bring it into the presence of God.
• 44:05
  You got to admit, all right, if you go back to Genesis when it
• 44:08
  says Adam and Eve were convinced at the tree that they they
• 44:12
  needed to eat it, that's belief. You've got to address belief.
• 44:17
  And I know God wants to do that with you guys.
• 44:19
  And I would just say shout out to my friend Dana Grendel who
• 44:23
  just showed me the nurturing side of God.
• 44:25
  I never knew. And really even in a parental
• 44:27
  like mom situation growing up so patient with me, no
• 44:33
  condemnation, just gently. She just would sit across from
• 44:37
  me and she would she would hear from the Holy Spirit because my
• 44:41
  emotions were everywhere. And she would say, I feel like
• 44:45
  the Lord wants you, me to ask you this.
• 44:48
  We would work through it and I would cry.
• 44:51
  And she was just so patient with me.
• 44:54
  And really she was just being an extension of Christ.
• 44:57
  And she's really the one that taught me that You cannot heal a
• 45:00
  demon and you cannot cast out a broken heart, people.
• 45:03
  All right, some stuff is straight up demonic and it needs
• 45:08
  like to be put under the blood and there's family iniquity and
• 45:11
  there's stuff and you need to rebuke it, but you just cannot
• 45:14
  rebuke certain things out of your belief system in your
• 45:18
  heart. You got to work through it and
• 45:20
  you got to admit this feels true.
• 45:23
  You may be married right now and you're like, but it feels that I
• 45:28
  belong with this other person. I know what that's called.
• 45:30
  It's called adultery. I know it's bad, right?
• 45:34
  And you're like, so I can't pray about it because I know what's
• 45:36
  wrong, but I feel it. And you're in this whole like
• 45:38
  crazy washing machine downy ball thing and that's you.
• 45:41
  And you need to stop and say God, I know doctrinally this is
• 45:46
  wrong, but everything in my heart says it's right.
• 45:49
  Help me. And you get a lot of
• 45:51
  accountability, OK? But we are all going to have
• 45:55
  times when your emotions are going one way from the opposite
• 45:57
  of your doctrine, an opposite of what you know to be true.
• 46:00
  And God is saying He's safe. And I felt this early, and I
• 46:03
  want to say it now to every single one of you that did not
• 46:06
  have a parent that was safe to go to and be honest with your
• 46:11
  brokenness. God sees you, He loves you.
• 46:14
  He's so sorry you didn't have that.
• 46:17
  He's so sorry. Like his heart breaks over that.
• 46:19
  That's not His plan, but stop putting that parent's attributes
• 46:24
  on him because that's not who he is.
• 46:27
  He adores you. You already said it, Carly.
• 46:29
  He stands outside of time. He's not in a hurry.
• 46:33
  He wants to know you. And isn't it weird that we serve
• 46:35
  a God who knows even how many hairs you have on your head?
• 46:38
  He knows you, but he doesn't count that as knowing you.
• 46:42
  He counts knowing you when you open up your heart, and He does
• 46:45
  not force himself on your heart because love doesn't do that.
• 46:49
  That control does that. That's a form of abuse.
• 46:53
  By the way, since I'm on this little tangent, abuse has a
• 46:56
  spectrum, and on one end there's neglect and on the other end
• 46:58
  there's control. God is neither of those.
• 47:01
  He loves you, He tends to you, but He does not force you.
• 47:04
  He invites you, but He does not make you.
• 47:06
  And you know what I'm talking about.
• 47:10
  So take the next step. What does that next step look
• 47:12
  like for you? Is it finally crying out to him
• 47:15
  and saying be my savior? Quit trying to think when I
• 47:17
  clean my life up, when I get out of this, you know, sexual
• 47:21
  relationship I shouldn't be in that I want to be in.
• 47:23
  By the way, quit lying to yourself and come to him as you
• 47:29
  are and let him do the sanctification work.
• 47:32
  He will do it. I'm living proof.
• 47:35
  Amen. We never mature into spiritual
• 47:38
  independence from Christ, and the more we mature in Christ,
• 47:42
  the more dependent we realize we are.
• 47:46
  And it's because, like you said, He already knows all the hairs
• 47:49
  and all the stuff. But do we know he knows it?
• 47:53
  Do we know that He knows that? That we never let ourselves
• 47:57
  grieve over how our children were treated, how we were
• 47:59
  neglected or controlled? Do we see Him in those spots?
• 48:05
  That's where the transformation happens.
• 48:07
  And literally the question needs to be sometimes where were you?
• 48:12
  Not in an accusational kind of way, but like literally show me
• 48:16
  what you were doing. Jesus.
• 48:18
  And there's a lot of ways to process it sounds like you do.
• 48:20
  So writing. Yeah, Yeah.
• 48:23
  Or going for a walk and just talking to Jesus out loud.
• 48:26
  That's what I do. I also write too.
• 48:28
  But it but but The thing is, is expect that he's going to say
• 48:32
  something to you and not to judge yourself, because the more
• 48:37
  we grow in him, the more dependent we I don't even pick
• 48:39
  up bananas at this point without asking him which one of these
• 48:42
  bundles of bananas are for me. Jesus.
• 48:45
  That's why because he's better at everything, He's better.
• 48:52
  Yes, and you know he's say funny because this is the word that
• 48:57
  came to me. Some of you guys, and we already
• 49:00
  touched on this a little earlier.
• 49:01
  You got to get off the hype train.
• 49:03
  What am I talking about? Oh, I'm in the singles group and
• 49:05
  it's fun. Oh, I do this.
• 49:06
  Oh, I do that and I just loud music and I got my get quiet,
• 49:11
  get alone, get still, go walk in nature.
• 49:14
  I'm with you, Carly. I walk and pray.
• 49:16
  If I sit too long, my mind wanders.
• 49:18
  You know so a lot of my time, even in room, the room, my
• 49:21
  prayer room, I walk in the room and I sit when he starts to
• 49:26
  speak and I I write it down. But guys, let's go back to a
• 49:30
  place of holy quiet. It's so counterculture, isn't
• 49:34
  it? Oh my gosh, it's counterculture.
• 49:37
  Quiet to the degree that you can.
• 49:39
  You may be in a living environment where you can only
• 49:41
  do so much about it, but you and your body's going to Jones.
• 49:45
  I want to tell you two things. If you, if you've been just on
• 49:47
  the hype train and you start to get quiet, Oh my gosh, your
• 49:52
  body's like, that's OK, that's OK Pray about it, talk about it.
• 49:56
  Say man, I'm, I'm uncomfortable in this quiet.
• 49:58
  I'm uncomfortable in this silence #2 any and all demonic
• 50:01
  activity you've been entertaining, they're going to
• 50:03
  start blah. And it's just thoughts in your
• 50:05
  head. It's confusion.
• 50:06
  So that's where we say, Lord, calm my mind.
• 50:10
  I bring the cross between me and anything demonic, plead the
• 50:13
  blood of Jesus over my brain, over my body, over my
• 50:15
  atmosphere. And we, we pray and we trust him
• 50:18
  to do that. And he does do that.
• 50:20
  But as a little girl, I got born again at my friend's house in
• 50:24
  elementary school. Her mom shared the gospel right
• 50:26
  there on her bedroom floor. She grabbed my hands to pray
• 50:28
  with me and the phone rang and she picks up.
• 50:32
  No one there. So she grabs my hands again.
• 50:35
  She's going to leave me in this prayer to receive Christ's phone
• 50:37
  rings, picks it up. No one's there.
• 50:39
  Y'all. It happened 1/3 time.
• 50:41
  She finally unplugged it from the wall.
• 50:42
  There is spiritual opposition against you growing in Christ.
• 50:48
  OK. But from the time I was born
• 50:51
  again as a little girl, but I didn't grow up in church.
• 50:52
  My family didn't go to church. So I would feel compelled to go
• 50:54
  in the backyard and I would walk my fence line and I would pray
• 50:57
  prayers like this. Why didn't I not get invited to
• 51:00
  that party? You are obviously don't love me
• 51:03
  because all the girls got to go to the slumber party.
• 51:05
  I didn't know I was so juvenile. But you know what?
• 51:08
  I was sincere. I was sincerely upset about that
• 51:12
  situation like in the 5th grade. And don't get me wrong, I don't.
• 51:17
  I do not want to be misunderstood.
• 51:19
  Sincerity does not equate to truth.
• 51:21
  Do you know how many people sincerely believed a gun wasn't
• 51:23
  loaded and it went off and shot him in the head?
• 51:25
  I'm not saying sincerity equals truth.
• 51:28
  I'm talking about being authentic.
• 51:32
  But the word of God is truth. We don't get to make up truth.
• 51:36
  We don't get to invent a God who suits ourself.
• 51:39
  That's called idolatry. And people will say, well, my
• 51:43
  God would never send me to hell. You're right.
• 51:44
  Because your God doesn't exist. He's a figment of your
• 51:47
  imagination you created to make yourself feel good.
• 51:50
  But we have a real God and there's things he loves and
• 51:52
  there's things he hates, folks. And I can't stand what people
• 51:56
  say. Well, they say this.
• 51:57
  I got to, I got to say this. God loves me the way I am.
• 52:00
  And they're in some very sinful lifestyle.
• 52:02
  And I'm like, first of all, I believe that you don't.
• 52:05
  I believe that that God loves you even in your lifestyle.
• 52:09
  You don't because #1 if you did, you would know that His
• 52:13
  commandments are for your protection and you'd want to
• 52:15
  conform to His will for your life, right?
• 52:19
  And, and #2 the bigger question is, I hear you championing that
• 52:22
  God loves you the way you are, but do you love Him the way He
• 52:25
  is? Because you can invent a God all
• 52:28
  day long that just loves that lifestyle.
• 52:30
  Oh, I just think that's such a beautiful lifestyle.
• 52:31
  Is it because God does not have opinions?
• 52:34
  He is the only living, breathing entity that does not have
• 52:37
  opinion. He just flat out has reality.
• 52:39
  And if he says it's good, it's good.
• 52:40
  If he says it's bad, it's bad. And if you think you know
• 52:43
  better, then you're defying the living God who put every star in
• 52:48
  its place and spoke and said let there be light.
• 52:50
  And the universe is still expanding at the speed of light.
• 52:53
  Do you really want to challenge him?
• 52:57
  No, ma'am, the answer for everybody out there is no, you
• 53:01
  don't want you don't want to challenge him.
• 53:04
  Oh, that's so powerful. Yes, yes, that.
• 53:08
  I love what you're saying about the difference between sincerity
• 53:11
  and authenticity. Yeah, that's where that's it
• 53:15
  right there. And the Lord's been talking to
• 53:18
  me lately about self stewardship, what he called it.
• 53:22
  And he said, Carly, I've made you to I didn't make you to be
• 53:25
  the sacrifice. I made you to be my beloved.
• 53:30
  And I think when it when it comes to topics like love and
• 53:33
  childhood trauma and not having the parents that you needed, it
• 53:37
  really comes down to eventually if we're not careful, we choose
• 53:44
  difficult relationships to try to prove our worth.
• 53:49
  And in doing that, we often will give more than we're getting
• 53:53
  because we are striving, we're performing, we're giving our
• 53:58
  lives over as a living sacrifice to save somebody else from their
• 54:01
  free will. And sometimes it is
• 54:05
  principalities and powers behind a person's choices.
• 54:08
  And sometimes people are just jerks and they're choosing to be
• 54:10
  that way. And even Christ crucified didn't
• 54:12
  deliver man of his free will, so you can't either.
• 54:19
  And that's the truth of the matter.
• 54:20
  He didn't make you to be a sacrifice, friends.
• 54:22
  He made you to be his beloved. And a lot of that has to come
• 54:25
  from a place of who am I really? What is that DNA inside of
• 54:29
  myself? How am I showing up in the image
• 54:32
  of Christ? He has boundaries.
• 54:34
  Guess what that means? You get to have boundaries.
• 54:37
  He says this is OK and that's not OK.
• 54:40
  And you get to have the same thing you were talking earlier
• 54:43
  about the spectrum of abuse from neglect to controlling.
• 54:47
  You don't have to live in that spectrum, friends.
• 54:51
  You don't have to live in that spectrum.
• 54:53
  And I think it's all, it's a good prayer for everybody to
• 54:57
  pray. Lord, am I exhibiting
• 55:01
  controlling or neglectful behavior in any facet of my
• 55:04
  life? Because self deception is real
• 55:06
  and the worst abusers are so self deceived they can't tell
• 55:09
  their head from their toes and everything is your fault.
• 55:13
  And a lot of times with childhood trauma you don't even
• 55:15
  see it. You just think if it's an
• 55:17
  opportunity to prove how worthy you are of their love, if you
• 55:19
  just love them harder, fast, longer, pray longer, sacrifice
• 55:24
  more than then you'll prove yourself.
• 55:26
  But what you're saying, Laura, is all of that, all of that
• 55:31
  needs to be looked at with the eyes of Christ authentically
• 55:35
  inside yourself. So what are your thoughts about
• 55:37
  that Tyree? No, it's just so good.
• 55:41
  And I think for some of us, again, we keep coming back to
• 55:44
  this parental thing, but there was a day when we trusted adults
• 55:47
  who let us down. And so we make this subconscious
• 55:49
  or maybe conscious vow that I'm going to be in control because I
• 55:53
  can only trust me. And we've become very
• 55:55
  controlling. And to your point, we think we
• 55:57
  can control other people and we're, we think we're supposed
• 55:59
  to control outcomes. And then you add the trendy
• 56:02
  witchcraft that says that I can manifest these things if I
• 56:06
  believe it hard enough. And just so you know, any kind
• 56:08
  of power outside the power and dependency on, on Christ it, it
• 56:12
  does invite those demonic things.
• 56:15
  And so we want to stay away from all that charms and the
• 56:18
  witchcraft and the manifesting and the that's all for people
• 56:21
  who don't trust God and don't bow the knee to his sovereignty
• 56:27
  and trust that he does have a future and a present for you and
• 56:32
  you all that trust doesn't grow overnight.
• 56:34
  It doesn't grow overnight. But God knows where you're at in
• 56:37
  the journey and he will meet you as as where it makes sense in
• 56:41
  your walk and trust journey with him.
• 56:44
  But I would just encourage you, if you're depending on any of
• 56:46
  those demonic occultic things, this is your wake up call to let
• 56:51
  it go and put all your all your faith in Christ.
• 56:54
  And don't hear me saying that life becomes just so peachy and
• 56:56
  wonderful overnight. Remember, God is so much more
• 56:58
  concerned with your heart than he is with your circumstances.
• 57:01
  It's not that he's indifferent to circumstances, but guys, we
• 57:05
  are so driven by results and achievement.
• 57:07
  And I, I would want to get to this place in life.
• 57:10
  And guys like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get there.
• 57:11
  But meanwhile, do you love me? Do you know I love you?
• 57:16
  That is our God. He is so intimate and personal
• 57:22
  and relational. Yeah, he is.
• 57:26
  He is. He gets really deep in the
• 57:29
  places nobody else can see and he's such a faithful witness in
• 57:33
  those places. And when we live out of false
• 57:36
  identity or trauma or we're doing witch crafty stuff, like
• 57:39
  you said, just driving the performance, He comes with his
• 57:44
  love that heals. And we choose to set it down in
• 57:50
  those spaces because his correction comes with so much
• 57:55
  softness, so much love, so much clarity, so much hope.
• 58:02
  And I think sometimes the Western church has promoted this
• 58:05
  kind of heavy-handed Jesus. I've never found him to be that
• 58:10
  way, ever. Yeah.
• 58:14
  Even when I've been dead wrong one time, the worst thing the
• 58:18
  Lord ever said to me, and he giggled when he said it was
• 58:20
  Carly. You're kind of being a brat.
• 58:24
  And he was talking about how frustrated I was that he wasn't
• 58:26
  dealing with the fruit that was bothering me, right?
• 58:30
  So I couldn't see what he was doing and all that witch crafty
• 58:34
  stuff, like you said. And that's driving.
• 58:37
  I got saved out of that world and it's so much simpler with
• 58:43
  Christ because it's always, it's always just him.
• 58:47
  You don't have to interpret anything.
• 58:50
  It's like you lay down all of these disciplines, all of these
• 58:54
  reading of the tea leaves and etcetera, etcetera, and it just
• 58:58
  comes down to Christ like it's on him.
• 59:01
  I always tell him, Lord, if my walk with you is dependent on
• 59:04
  me, I'm not going to go very far because I can't, I can't, I
• 59:11
  can't friends. I, I'm just responding to his
• 59:15
  love. And I think that part of Christ
• 59:17
  needs to be yelled from the mountaintops.
• 59:20
  No, he's gentle and he's kind. He has boundaries and he and
• 59:25
  people end up going to hell. But while we're here on this
• 59:28
  earth in our brokenness, he's very, very tender.
• 59:30
  I'd I'd love to hear your thoughts more about that.
• 59:35
  Of course, I mean to the one who refuses to humble themselves,
• 59:39
  you get the wrath of God because of the injustice of refusing to
• 59:43
  love a God that died on a cross for you.
• 59:46
  Refusing it, that is the most wicked thing you can ever do is
• 59:49
  refuse the love of God. And hell is a place where none
• 59:53
  of God's attributes are found. So when you say get away from
• 59:55
  me, I want nothing to do with you.
• 59:57
  When you die, you go to a place that has nothing to do with God,
• 1:00:00
  and that's horrific. It's more horrific than we could
• 1:00:03
  ever warn. But for those who received the
• 1:00:06
  son in faith and say, I accept your sacrifice on my behalf, the
• 1:00:10
  wrath is done. That's over now.
• 1:00:12
  He'll bring discipline in our lives when we need it.
• 1:00:14
  But it's not it's not the harsh, punishing kind.
• 1:00:16
  It's the wake up call kind. And I'm with you on that.
• 1:00:19
  Carly, I've been in some really low moments and I thought, here
• 1:00:22
  comes the hammer. And he'll just ask me like a
• 1:00:24
  sweet question to help me learn, to help me repent, to say,
• 1:00:28
  please forgive me. I own the fact that I did this
• 1:00:33
  right. So so there is that that balance
• 1:00:36
  that he it is a call to holiness, but he's gentle
• 1:00:38
  getting us there. And I had gotten in a bad habit
• 1:00:41
  that I didn't even know I was doing.
• 1:00:43
  But when I would cross the threshold to get in my prayer
• 1:00:45
  room every morning, it's just my thing.
• 1:00:48
  And I don't say that like a badge and honor.
• 1:00:49
  I just I can't live without. I'm like kind of crazy with the
• 1:00:52
  hell God, honestly, my family's like.
• 1:00:54
  Did you have your prayer time today?
• 1:00:57
  So anyway, I, I just got in this habit of almost like evaluating,
• 1:01:00
  like subconsciously, like, do I deserve to be here?
• 1:01:02
  It's like, Oh yeah, yesterday I prayed with God.
• 1:01:04
  I deserve to be here. You know, I, I share my faith or
• 1:01:07
  then, Oh my gosh, I yelled at my kids.
• 1:01:09
  I, I don't deserve to, to be here.
• 1:01:11
  And the Lord just reminded me, you know, it ain't about your
• 1:01:14
  performance. Like how righteous is Christ
• 1:01:17
  Cross the threshold with what is Christ's report card, man.
• 1:01:21
  He was straight A's, all one hundreds and his righteousness.
• 1:01:24
  That's my righteousness. Now, that doesn't mean that God
• 1:01:28
  would look the other way if I'm doing sinful things.
• 1:01:31
  He wants to address it, but He addresses it in such a way that
• 1:01:34
  instead of that voice of condemnation, like the enemy,
• 1:01:37
  He's the accuser, the brethren. He'll make you feel like there's
• 1:01:39
  no hope that you can ever change and you're just a loser.
• 1:01:42
  And you're always going to be this way when conviction comes
• 1:01:45
  in. That word, actually, if you look
• 1:01:46
  it up in its original context, it means to be an overcomer.
• 1:01:49
  He calls us to overcome sin, and He equips us to do it.
• 1:01:53
  That's called grace, y'all. Grace does not make sin less
• 1:01:56
  sinful. It makes overcoming sin
• 1:01:58
  possible. OK, this idea that's, oh, God's
• 1:02:01
  just gracing me to do this sinful thing.
• 1:02:03
  You don't even know what grace is.
• 1:02:04
  Bless your heart. Because if you did, you would
• 1:02:06
  know there's an empowerment to do what you cannot do on your
• 1:02:11
  own. I'm doing it right now.
• 1:02:13
  OK? One time I went to a speaking
• 1:02:14
  engagement. It's a long story, I'll spare
• 1:02:16
  you the whole story, but I needed God to confirm if I was
• 1:02:19
  supposed to be doing this certain speaking circuit with
• 1:02:22
  this person. And so I got up there to speak
• 1:02:24
  off. I've spoke many times, like
• 1:02:26
  hundreds of times. I get up there, speak, I, I'm
• 1:02:28
  like, I, I couldn't even find my words.
• 1:02:31
  I couldn't make a sentence make sense.
• 1:02:33
  And I realized, oh, oh, oh, OK. When I speak, it's the Holy
• 1:02:39
  Spirit. And I literally shut my Bible
• 1:02:40
  and said, guys, God's not flowing with me.
• 1:02:42
  I got to sit down and I sat down and I was grateful that I knew
• 1:02:46
  that I wasn't supposed to be on that speaking circuit.
• 1:02:49
  But I also knew it's a grace thing.
• 1:02:53
  Your gifts, overcoming sin, getting through difficult times.
• 1:02:57
  It is God's empowerment and He gives grace to the humble, but
• 1:03:03
  He resists the proud, the self reliant.
• 1:03:08
  Absolutely, absolutely. I just want to ping on a little
• 1:03:12
  more. Oh, I'm I've got like fire in my
• 1:03:16
  bones right now. This.
• 1:03:18
  Conversation. Yeah, the, the feeling of being
• 1:03:21
  spiritual or not spiritual. Look, people, you just have to
• 1:03:27
  go. You just have to go to the the
• 1:03:31
  seat of mercy. And you can even say, look,
• 1:03:35
  Laura, I'm not feeling very spiritual today.
• 1:03:38
  Because as a married person, Laura, if your husband is in
• 1:03:42
  France, is he any less your husband?
• 1:03:43
  If if he's not touching you right now, is he any less your
• 1:03:46
  husband? If you feel mad at him, is he
• 1:03:49
  any less your husband? If you're late on rent, is he
• 1:03:51
  any less your husband? He's not.
• 1:03:54
  And that's the same thing with Christ.
• 1:03:56
  It it is truth. Come hell or high water, he's
• 1:04:01
  he's it. He's the one.
• 1:04:02
  And what you're bringing to the table is everything you are.
• 1:04:07
  That's his inheritance. That's his right to everything
• 1:04:10
  that you are. Everything He's worthy of it
• 1:04:12
  all. The yuck, the lies, the
• 1:04:15
  deception, pride, the ego, the mistakes, the transgressions,
• 1:04:21
  the iniquity. He's the only one who can carry
• 1:04:23
  it, friends, because we were only made to carry his love.
• 1:04:27
  Everything else crushes our soul.
• 1:04:29
  It crushes our soul. One prayer I pray every day is
• 1:04:33
  Lord, remove from me every false yoke, because I sometimes,
• 1:04:37
  Laura, I just be walking around picking up false yokes like
• 1:04:40
  you're saying, apologizing for crying.
• 1:04:42
  False yoke. Not my fault, not something I
• 1:04:46
  need to take on myself. Something didn't get done at
• 1:04:48
  work. It's not even my job.
• 1:04:49
  I'm sorry. Somehow inside my heart, I feel
• 1:04:52
  responsible. That's this other person didn't
• 1:04:53
  do the thing they're supposed to do.
• 1:04:55
  Why false yoke? Why?
• 1:04:57
  Because I've been conditioned to be responsible for more than
• 1:05:01
  what's my responsibility. And that's what it is to show up
• 1:05:04
  to the throne of grace and say I, I don't know God, I have this
• 1:05:08
  laundry list of things I didn't do right yesterday.
• 1:05:12
  Just as long as you go friends, you just got to show up.
• 1:05:15
  And you know what the other thing that came up for me when
• 1:05:17
  you were talking was we don't owe the accuser an answer.
• 1:05:23
  We just have to resist and that can be silenced.
• 1:05:27
  I don't with some difficult relationships in my life.
• 1:05:31
  I have taken the stance of I'm not going to entertain that with
• 1:05:36
  a response. I will not defend myself.
• 1:05:38
  I will not explain myself. I will just let your words fall
• 1:05:42
  on your head and that that's the enemy too.
• 1:05:46
  That's, that's that's what he does.
• 1:05:47
  He tries to throw that snarky comment you made at your child
• 1:05:52
  yesterday in your face and to keep you from the throne of
• 1:05:54
  grace. And it's a lie and you don't owe
• 1:05:57
  him an answer. Just go on ahead now and talk to
• 1:06:01
  your Lord, because that's where all of the answers are going to
• 1:06:04
  come from. Man, I love that, absolutely
• 1:06:09
  love that. And I, I, I think sometimes, you
• 1:06:12
  know, lesson I've learned is that there's emotions that feel
• 1:06:17
  godly and spiritual, you know, oh, I'm so grateful.
• 1:06:20
  Oh, I like her so much. Oh, you know, that feels just
• 1:06:23
  spiritual. And then there's anger,
• 1:06:25
  frustration, you know, and, and if we're not careful, we'll
• 1:06:28
  think that we can't come into the presence of God with raw
• 1:06:31
  emotion. Anger is the sense of injustice.
• 1:06:34
  Every time you're angry, there's some perceived or a reality,
• 1:06:38
  there's a sense of injustice. Take it to God, say, I am so
• 1:06:42
  angry. I could just punch something,
• 1:06:45
  tell him, tell him and bring the wild raw emotions to him and you
• 1:06:52
  may get Stark silence for a little while.
• 1:06:55
  You may get Stark silence that whole prayer time, but you'll be
• 1:06:58
  shocked and his timing away. Sometimes I'm just like, fine,
• 1:07:02
  and I leave my prayer time and I'm like folding towels.
• 1:07:04
  It's like this profound wisdom. I don't understand why God does
• 1:07:09
  the things he does and the timing sometimes, but he is
• 1:07:11
  faithful and he promises if you lack wisdom, ask and he will
• 1:07:16
  tell you what to do one way or another.
• 1:07:18
  He speaks to people, He speaks to his word, He speaks different
• 1:07:22
  ways, but but trust that you can take questions to Him and you
• 1:07:26
  can take every raw emotion to him.
• 1:07:28
  I really feel like some of you have been feeling so guilty
• 1:07:30
  about how you feel. That's that false
• 1:07:33
  responsibility. But why do you feel guilty for
• 1:07:35
  the way you feel? I shouldn't feel well that's not
• 1:07:40
  going to happen. Telling your yourself I
• 1:07:43
  shouldn't feel this, well I do. It's gaslighting yourself, isn't
• 1:07:48
  it, it? Is yeah, it's like I, I don't,
• 1:07:51
  it's fair to say I don't want to feel this.
• 1:07:53
  That's a fair statement, you know, Or to recognize
• 1:07:58
  something's off because I should be happy at this occasion and
• 1:08:02
  I'm not, you know, it's a happy occasion, something like that.
• 1:08:05
  But to punish yourself, to get mad at yourself for what you
• 1:08:08
  feel, to get mad at yourself because you feel tempted.
• 1:08:11
  Jesus was tempted in every way. So be careful.
• 1:08:15
  There's a lot of false self like anger and shaming.
• 1:08:21
  Beware of that. It's not of God.
• 1:08:24
  Agreed. Yeah, that that self
• 1:08:26
  gaslighting, self betrayal, just making yourself feel crazy for
• 1:08:30
  the things you feel. We learned that from somewhere,
• 1:08:33
  you know, and I think sometimes it goes back either even farther
• 1:08:37
  than our lifetime. If you look at transgenerational
• 1:08:40
  epidemiology, these things, sometimes we're fighting battles
• 1:08:44
  that didn't start with us. And it's fair to say that if
• 1:08:49
  Christ is worthy of it all, and he took all the sin of the world
• 1:08:51
  upon himself, the enemy wanted that sin.
• 1:08:55
  That's why he had to take it on him.
• 1:08:56
  He had to take that out to that power source out of the hands of
• 1:09:01
  the enemy. And I don't know if this helps
• 1:09:04
  anybody, but I'm, I'm remembering something a friend
• 1:09:07
  of mine, Joy said when I was really struggling to forgive
• 1:09:11
  somebody from anger, from injustice, like you're saying, I
• 1:09:15
  said, Joy, I just, I hate this person and I don't even want to
• 1:09:20
  feel that way, but I, I'm so angry.
• 1:09:24
  And she said, give it to Jesus every time those feelings come
• 1:09:28
  up, picture yourself putting it right where you feel it in your
• 1:09:32
  body, which is in my like diaphragm in like my stomach,
• 1:09:35
  right under my ribs. Put it right there in his body.
• 1:09:39
  Like visualize it. Because if you don't give it to
• 1:09:44
  him and you just gaslight yourself or feel bad or try to
• 1:09:48
  push it away, try to, you know, all those striving performance
• 1:09:52
  things that we've been cultured to do, The enemy can get a hold
• 1:09:57
  of those things and use them against you.
• 1:09:59
  It is a testimony, right? And he'll use it against you
• 1:10:02
  because he's doesn't play fair. It doesn't matter how much
• 1:10:06
  you're hurting that male, He will use it against you.
• 1:10:09
  It doesn't matter how justified you are in your feelings or how
• 1:10:12
  unjust situations were. We have to put it in Christ
• 1:10:16
  because that's the only way the enemy can't access it to power
• 1:10:20
  up whatever his nasty agenda is. What has been your process when
• 1:10:24
  you're dealing with those hard feelings?
• 1:10:27
  Talk to me a little bit about how you navigate that.
• 1:10:31
  Yeah, and I have really strong and I'm a person who feels I
• 1:10:35
  feel things deeply, you guys. I mean, at one point I I mean it
• 1:10:41
  was kind of suggested like I've got the manikai and then, you
• 1:10:43
  know, I get it, there's a there's a term for that, right?
• 1:10:46
  And as far as diagnosing, but at the end of the day, God keeps me
• 1:10:51
  balanced and, and the way I do it is I just bring the raw
• 1:10:55
  emotion. I talk about it with God.
• 1:10:57
  I own it. I asked him.
• 1:11:00
  We've already said like, show me the route.
• 1:11:02
  Where is this coming from? You know, counsel me.
• 1:11:04
  I don't panic when I don't get instant answers.
• 1:11:09
  I know better than to feel guilty for what I'm feeling.
• 1:11:12
  And so I just use it as one more opportunity to draw near to him
• 1:11:17
  and what ends up on the other side of that.
• 1:11:19
  Y'all, you know, we've made these little one liners you and
• 1:11:22
  I've been sharing on this podcast.
• 1:11:23
  That's what you get. You get these golden jewels of
• 1:11:25
  wisdom when you come to him for a relationship advice and
• 1:11:29
  emotional advice and and God can speak to actual counselors.
• 1:11:32
  You guys. It's totally, I love talking to
• 1:11:34
  wise people that are full of the spirit of counsel.
• 1:11:38
  The Holy Spirit is called the spirit of counsel.
• 1:11:39
  And so that's another, you know, opportunity and and option that
• 1:11:44
  we have. But yeah, just working through
• 1:11:46
  the emotion and it's a proven fact if you will talk about how
• 1:11:49
  you feel and someone will look you in the eyes and they care.
• 1:11:52
  I mean, they don't even have to give you advice.
• 1:11:54
  They're just nodding in a way that tells you they care.
• 1:11:56
  It's actually healing to your brain.
• 1:11:58
  So holding all this in saying I can't tell anyone you talk about
• 1:12:02
  a textbook lie of the enemy. The Bible says we confess our
• 1:12:05
  sins to God and he's faithful and just to forgive us and
• 1:12:08
  cleanse all cleanse us of all unrighteousness.
• 1:12:10
  But then we're told that we confess our sins one to another
• 1:12:13
  and pray for each other that you may be healed.
• 1:12:16
  Think about that. We're forgiven when we ask God
• 1:12:19
  for forgiveness. But it is so liberating to talk
• 1:12:21
  to someone to tell them the the struggle you're having, someone
• 1:12:24
  trustworthy, someone who who's going to have a godly attitude
• 1:12:28
  towards you. Man, that's powerful.
• 1:12:31
  So don't isolate and your emotions are your struggles.
• 1:12:35
  Yeah, which brings up the why do we isolate?
• 1:12:39
  And I think sometimes we are afraid of being a burden to the
• 1:12:43
  people around us. Like what I'm carrying is so
• 1:12:46
  dark and so heavy that I feel like every time I talk about it,
• 1:12:49
  I'm. I'm just soaking you in this
• 1:12:53
  weight, right? And the truth is, is that the
• 1:13:00
  Lord gave us family. Like the number one thing in
• 1:13:02
  Genesis 1 was he wants family. He wants family.
• 1:13:07
  He we need each other. And I would challenge that idea
• 1:13:11
  for other people because I've walked through it myself.
• 1:13:13
  Is, is that false yoke that when I share my burdens, I, I'm
• 1:13:18
  putting them on somebody else? That's not true.
• 1:13:20
  It's a trick. It's a trick.
• 1:13:22
  Now there's our people. We do want to ask permission.
• 1:13:25
  Like if I were to call you Laura out of the blue, I would say I
• 1:13:28
  have something heavy I need to talk about.
• 1:13:30
  Do you have capacity for that right now?
• 1:13:32
  Because that's fair, right? Because sometimes we don't.
• 1:13:34
  I love my friends, but sometimes I'm, I don't, I don't, I'm
• 1:13:38
  driving or I'm whatever. And I'll say, let me call you
• 1:13:40
  back. And so that's, that's kind and
• 1:13:43
  thoughtful. But there are people who've
• 1:13:46
  walked through dark places that are able to stand with you in
• 1:13:51
  that place and it not drag them down because they've seen how he
• 1:13:56
  makes ways through those places. And another thing that might
• 1:14:00
  help people who maybe don't like you said, have trusted friends
• 1:14:03
  because you do want to find trusted friends is leaving
• 1:14:08
  talking in your phone and making voice memos for yourself.
• 1:14:12
  Talk, talk out loud like you're talking to your best friend.
• 1:14:16
  And sometimes just having that process of knowing it's going to
• 1:14:20
  be left somewhere on your phone, being the somewhere it helps to
• 1:14:26
  draw out your words, what it is you're actually thinking.
• 1:14:29
  Especially for a lot of us women, we're external
• 1:14:31
  processors. Sometimes I don't know what I'm
• 1:14:34
  going to say until it's coming out of my mouth and it's news to
• 1:14:36
  me and the hearer. So I need, I need people,
• 1:14:42
  admittedly. And when I don't have that I I
• 1:14:45
  do voice memos because it just helps me process.
• 1:14:48
  So what are your thoughts about why we might hesitate to share
• 1:14:54
  that the things on our hearts with other?
• 1:14:56
  People, when we have a deep seated fear of bothering or
• 1:15:01
  burdening someone, it's likely we feel like we are a burden.
• 1:15:10
  Where did that come from? You can tell yourself all day
• 1:15:13
  long I shouldn't feel that way That's insecurity.
• 1:15:15
  I need to be confident by the way, I traded in self esteem a
• 1:15:18
  long time ago for God esteem. I don't even believe in really
• 1:15:21
  the worldly concept of self esteem.
• 1:15:24
  But all that to say ask the Lord, why do I feel like a
• 1:15:29
  burden? Why do I feel that way?
• 1:15:32
  Why do I? And he'll show you memories.
• 1:15:35
  He'll show you circumstances in time and correct.
• 1:15:40
  Right. The wrong that we concluded.
• 1:15:42
  It's not that the the situation was a lie.
• 1:15:44
  I mean, this really happened to us, right?
• 1:15:46
  But it's what did I conclude? You know, I tried to talk to my
• 1:15:50
  mom and she was too busy and she wouldn't listen to me.
• 1:15:52
  I must be a burden. No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 1:15:54
  Let's revisit that. Mom missed an opportunity to be
• 1:15:58
  a mom, to delight in her, her daughter or her son or whatever.
• 1:16:03
  So yeah, just maybe if you feel like you're always burdening
• 1:16:07
  people's because you feel like your burden, which is a lie.
• 1:16:12
  Guess a lie. It's a lie friends, and it's
• 1:16:15
  it's good to call it out man Laura, this has been I hope this
• 1:16:22
  lands for people as much as this landed for me.
• 1:16:25
  I thank you so much and I would just love to hear as our time is
• 1:16:30
  trying regretfully near to the end because I could talk to you
• 1:16:33
  for the rest of the night. I don't know what you're doing,
• 1:16:35
  but I would love to, yes, thank you.
• 1:16:40
  Tell me all the awesome things you have going on.
• 1:16:43
  Share whatever you want to share, how people can get a hold
• 1:16:46
  of you, what to look out for, anything the Holy Spirit's
• 1:16:50
  bringing up as as parting words. And then I would love for you to
• 1:16:54
  to pray us out for the listener. Yeah, yeah, I would do that,
• 1:16:59
  absolutely. But one of my biggest gifts to
• 1:17:02
  put into the world is the Delusion series.
• 1:17:04
  That was just on my heart book series about a young man whose
• 1:17:08
  high school is has the highest suicide rate in the country and
• 1:17:12
  he just is cynical. He has a hard home life, just
• 1:17:15
  wants to graduate and get on with his life.
• 1:17:16
  But then he has his own near death experience and begins to
• 1:17:19
  see these monsters as he calls them because he has no other
• 1:17:24
  frame of reference to call them that are otherwise unseen, that
• 1:17:27
  are praying on the students and provoking them to take their own
• 1:17:30
  lives. So it's this very fresh telling
• 1:17:32
  of Ephesians 6 that is meant not just for believers, but non
• 1:17:35
  believers alike. And so the Delusion series is
• 1:17:38
  easy to get a hold of on Amazon. There's three books out right
• 1:17:41
  now. I have two more carrying in my
• 1:17:42
  heart that will come out eventually.
• 1:17:44
  And we are working really hard to see it become a movie.
• 1:17:47
  We could have run out and made the movie years ago with just a
• 1:17:49
  small budget. You know, I've had some neat
• 1:17:51
  people that believe in it, but early on and it's Inception, the
• 1:17:55
  Lord told me this is supposed to be big and he kind of threw the
• 1:17:58
  gauntlet down. I thought that was prideful, but
• 1:18:00
  it wasn't. It was him.
• 1:18:01
  It's just the scope of the message.
• 1:18:03
  So all that to say, I'm a website. lauragallier.com,
• 1:18:07
  LAURAGALL i.e., r.com. You can sign up for updates in
• 1:18:12
  the movie and the more we have people signing up, the more it
• 1:18:16
  helps show film distributors and these other powers that be that
• 1:18:20
  there's a demand for this film. Buying the books is like voting
• 1:18:26
  for this movie to get made. And I, I believe the books will
• 1:18:29
  also really bless you. So I would love for you to do
• 1:18:33
  that. I am now officially as of last
• 1:18:35
  week, putting a lot of content on social media.
• 1:18:38
  Apparently that's the hour that God's called me to do that.
• 1:18:41
  But the content that I put up there, it's meant to feed the
• 1:18:46
  soul. It's meant to take what God's
• 1:18:47
  telling me and tell you. So I welcome you to follow that
• 1:18:50
  journey, but don't spend too much time on social media
• 1:18:54
  because it's not healthy. Just had to plug that.
• 1:18:56
  And so, yeah, I, I just appreciate you guys who are
• 1:19:00
  listening. I don't believe in coincidences.
• 1:19:01
  And so I likely do not know you personally, but I can tell you
• 1:19:05
  at the love of Christ, I love you.
• 1:19:07
  If you haven't heard that today or enough, you are loved.
• 1:19:11
  You're loved by God. You're loved by us, You're loved
• 1:19:14
  by the body of Christ. And so on that note, I would
• 1:19:17
  love to pray for you. So Father, I thank you that your
• 1:19:20
  Kingdom is love. Your Kingdom is freedom, freedom
• 1:19:25
  of choice, freedom to love. And Lord, I thank you that you
• 1:19:28
  know each, every single individual that is listening
• 1:19:33
  right now to the sound of my voice.
• 1:19:35
  And you know what they need. You know what their very next
• 1:19:39
  breath holds in tomorrow. And you know their struggles,
• 1:19:42
  you know their hopes, you know the dreams they carry in their
• 1:19:45
  heart. You know every lie they've
• 1:19:47
  believed. And you, you know where they're
• 1:19:49
  at with you. And so I just thank you that you
• 1:19:50
  meet them in a very personal way.
• 1:19:53
  That at the sound of my voice, Lord, you would dispel lies of
• 1:19:57
  the enemy God. And that we would mature in you,
• 1:20:00
  that we would accept your invitation to grow up, to grow
• 1:20:04
  up in the Lord, which is just to really ultimately grow closer to
• 1:20:08
  your heart, to represent your heart to a broken world.
• 1:20:12
  And Father, I thank you that we team up as the body of Christ
• 1:20:16
  and we serve one another and we support one another.
• 1:20:19
  And I just thank you, Lord, that you, you just speak so clearly.
• 1:20:22
  And to those that are maybe this whole time saying, but I don't
• 1:20:25
  hear God's voice. That's so cool, but I don't hear
• 1:20:28
  God's voice. Well, God, I thank you that
• 1:20:30
  you'll, you'll work with them, like me, that young girl in the
• 1:20:33
  backyard. You just start listening.
• 1:20:35
  You start writing it down, you learn, Oops, I thought I heard
• 1:20:38
  from God that didn't pan out. You learn and they learn your
• 1:20:42
  word God and I know you are a faithful shepherd and you will
• 1:20:45
  reveal yourself to them. And Lord, I thank you for those
• 1:20:48
  who are hurting, that you are close to the broken hearted and
• 1:20:50
  you bind up our wounds and that they just feel the encouragement
• 1:20:53
  that can only come from you in Jesus name, Amen.
• 1:21:00
  Amen. Amen.
• 1:21:03
  Thank you. Thank you, friend.
• 1:21:05
  Thank you and I would love to have you back on sometime when
• 1:21:10
  you have the movies going to come out or any of the thoughts
• 1:21:13
  on your heart. It's just really wonderful to
• 1:21:16
  connect with you. So thank you so much.
• 1:21:18
  And to all the Millennial Mustard Seed Podcast listeners,
• 1:21:22
  be blessed in Jesus name. Bye for now.
• 1:21:36
  I came from the sun, the one and only, straight from the heavens.
• 1:21:42
  He really owed me. All in my life I was beating the
• 1:21:46
  bomb. All in my life I didn't handle.
• 1:21:48
  All in my life I was stuck in on track.
• 1:21:51
  All in my life I didn't handle rap.
• 1:21:53
  I didn't know why my life was so wet.
• 1:21:55
  I didn't know why my life was a wreck.
• 1:21:57
  I didn't know why I couldn't get up.
• 1:22:00
  I was so stuck. And the monkey was stuck till I
• 1:22:02
  found out. And I broke everything till I
• 1:22:05
  fell down. And they took everything until I
• 1:22:07
  was hurting my heart. It was strained.
• 1:22:09
  Yeah, I was broken. I had all this pain held on the
• 1:22:12
  hope. It got harder than this hope.
• 1:22:13
  Then I went to the side. In this mode.
• 1:22:16
  I had no truth but to look to my guy.
• 1:22:18
  He gave me stomach up, open my eyes.
• 1:22:20
  He gave me earrings. And he told me I'm blessed.
• 1:22:22
  He told me he just believe in this time.
• 1:22:25
  I told him I can't change all of my ways.
• 1:22:27
  He said I got you. Just look at this.
• 1:22:29
  I looked at him and he showed me his ways.
• 1:22:32
  He told me how I am his son. See, he just told me I'm not in
• 1:22:35
  this world. He told me I come from the
• 1:22:37
  heavens above. I'm a new creature.
• 1:22:39
  I come from the sun, from the one and only, straight from the
• 1:22:42
  heavens. He really owe me.
• 1:22:44
  I came from the sun. I was really with him.
• 1:22:46
  The heavenly places, I'm ceiling.
• 1:22:48
  Y'all can't even go that way. Y'all don't even know that way.
• 1:22:53
  Y'all want to play like Patty Kay but this ain't no game.
• 1:22:56
  But it's that way, right? You wank this so fake when you
• 1:23:00
  walk under me and I know you a snake.
• 1:23:03
  You think you can beat me but you got no power you want.
• 1:23:06
  In a way I take out that trouble I put on your top and I prank on
• 1:23:10
  your face. I see you laughing.
• 1:23:13
  You think that you got me but you got no way.
• 1:23:17
  The evil you said for my life is OK because it's made for my
• 1:23:24
  good. My God, all these things is I
• 1:23:27
  know what it's true and you know you win, but like I did case
• 1:23:31
  when you're done winning games, you can never win.
• 1:23:33
  I know the things that's gonna happen to you when you die.
• 1:23:38
  You didn't live in your life 'cause you know you can never go
• 1:23:41
  and get safe. You know his crazy, his mercy
• 1:23:44
  was too from you. When you're my daughter, the
• 1:23:46
  plot thought you can take on my God's spot now, but you can die
• 1:23:50
  hot. You was really tweaking.
• 1:23:52
  I come from the sun, from the one and the only straight from
• 1:23:55
  the heavens. You really owe me.
• 1:23:56
  I came from the sun. I was really with them.
• 1:23:58
  The heavenly places on the sea to live.
• 1:24:01
  Y'all can't even go that way. Y'all don't even know that way.
• 1:24:05
  Y'all want to play late Patty Kay, but this ain't no game.
• 1:24:09
  But it's that way.