Latest / Mindful Success Path / Why You Don't Attract Provider Men (The Wounded Maiden Pattern)

Transcript

Why You Don't Attract Provider Men (The Wounded Maiden Pattern) · Mindful Success Path

• 0:32
  Why does it seem like some women effortlessly attract masculine, generous provider men, while other women feel completely invisible to them?
• 0:43
  And I'm not talking about women who are necessarily younger, prettier, or more successful.
• 0:48
  I'm talking about women who seem comfortable receiving attention, being pursued, and allowing a man to make an effort.
• 0:54
  Meanwhile, you might be doing everything you think you're supposed to do.
• 0:57
  You're working on your feminine energy.
• 0:59
  You're taking care of your appearance.
• 1:00
  You're trying to be more receptive.
• 1:02
  You're learning about masculine and feminine polarity, but the men you're actually attracted to don't seem interested.
• 1:08
  Or worse, you feel like they barely even notice you.
• 1:12
  And then you start wondering,"What, what's wrong with me?
• 1:15
  What am I doing energetically that's preventing me from attracting the kind of man I want?" Well, I recently received a comment from a woman who asked me almost exactly that.
• 1:26
  She said that she had only ever attracted a provider man once, and that the men that she likes don't seem to notice her, and when she encounters somebody she's attracted to, he sometimes looks away or seems cold and distant.
• 1:40
  And she wanted to know what she was doing wrong energetically Now here's where it gets interesting.
• 1:46
  This woman had taken my feminine energy archetype quiz, and her result was the wounded maiden.
• 1:52
  Now if you wanna know which archetype is yours, make sure to go to mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz, and you'll be able to more easily follow along with what I'm talking about in this video today.
• 2:02
  But this particular person had taken our free quiz and got wounded maiden, and when I saw that, I thought,"Oh, we need to talk about this," because there are certain patterns associated with the wounded maiden that can make dating, receiving, and recognizing healthy masculine energy much more difficult.
• 2:20
  And this, this is regardless of what you got on the quiz.
• 2:23
  Some of you got conscious queens and magnetic empresses or awakening warriors, and you intellectually understand what it takes to be a conscious queen or magnetic empress, but once you start dating, some of these wounded maiden patterns start rearing their ugly head again.
• 2:39
  So that's why I was like,"Mm, nope, we need to do a video for everyone," because these patterns often have very little to do with how attractive you are.
• 2:47
  So today we're gonna be talking about why you might not be connecting with the kind of provider men that you desire, what the wounded maiden archetype has to do with it.
• 2:57
  Again, even if you didn't get that on the quiz, she's still a part of you.
• 3:01
  And how to shift these patterns without chasing, performing femininity, or abandoning yourself.
• 3:08
  Welcome back to my channel.
• 3:09
  I'm Amanda, and here we talk about feminine energy, nervous system regulation, healthy masculine leadership, and creating relationships where you feel cherished, supported, and genuinely chosen.
• 3:19
  And today, I wanna talk specifically to the women who desire a provider man but feel like they keep attracting the opposite.
• 3:27
  So if that's something that you're interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video that we have coming on this channel.
• 3:34
  Make sure to give it a like.
• 3:36
  And as I mentioned, please make sure to take our free Define Feminine Energy Archetypes quiz because it's a three-minute assessment.
• 3:44
  It will let you know which of the archetypes that I teach is most dominant for you, wounded maiden is one of them, and then it'll give you a report on how this is showing up in your life, including your relationship.
• 3:54
  So mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz.
• 3:59
  So let's get into it, because a lot of the women in my comments section keep saying things like they attract men who want them to do everything, or they attract men who are financially irresponsible, or they attract men who are emotionally unavailable.
• 4:11
  Or maybe like the woman who commented on my video, you feel like the kind of man you actually want doesn't even notice you.
• 4:18
  And I wanna start by making a really important distinction.
• 4:21
  A man's lack of interest is not automatically a reflection of your worth or your feminine energy.
• 4:27
  Sometimes he's just not into it.
• 4:28
  Sometimes he's already in a relationship.
• 4:30
  Sometimes he's distracted.
• 4:32
  Sometimes you're simply not his type, And sometimes two people aren't compatible.
• 4:36
  You cannot make every man attracted to you through feminine energy, and somebody else's response in the world or how they behave a lot of times has nothing to do with you at all.
• 4:47
  And what I teach here about feminine energy, the intention is not to make any man attracted to you through feminine energy.
• 4:54
  The intention is to understand the patterns that might be affecting how you show up in dating, who you choose, and how you respond when somebody genuinely wants to pursue you.
• 5:06
  Because sometimes what we think is an attraction problem is actually a discernment problem.
• 5:11
  Sometimes it's a receiving problem Oftentimes, it's a self-worth problem, and sometimes we're so focused on being chosen that we have forgotten that we're supposed to be doing some choosing ourselves.
• 5:24
  So let's get into it.
• 5:26
  Number one, you're waiting for a man to prove that you are worthy.
• 5:30
  So the first pattern I wanna talk about is one that I see frequently with that wounded maiden archetype.
• 5:35
  And again, make sure to take our quiz, mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz, to know which archetype is most dominant for you.
• 5:41
  But with this particular archetype, the tendency is to look outside of yourself for confirmation that you are worthy of love, attention, and devotion.
• 5:51
  Now, the maiden archetype in and of itself is not a bad thing.
• 5:54
  In its healthy expression, the maiden is playful.
• 5:58
  She's curious.
• 5:59
  She's open to new experiences.
• 6:01
  She enjoys being pursued.
• 6:03
  She has a beautiful sense of wonder and possibility that's almost childlike, right?
• 6:07
  So not childish, but childlike.
• 6:10
  But when the maiden is operating from her wounds, that desire to be loved can become a desperate need to be chosen, and this is where I see women in the wounded maiden archetype get stuck, right?
• 6:23
  So here's how that can show up in dating.
• 6:25
  You see a man that you're attracted to And immediately, instead of being curious about him, your mind starts evaluating whether or not he finds you attractive.
• 6:33
  Did he look at me?
• 6:34
  Did he smile?
• 6:35
  Why, why didn't he approach me?
• 6:36
  Does he think I'm pretty?
• 6:37
  Why did he look away?
• 6:39
  Did I do something wrong?
• 6:40
  And suddenly, this man that you've barely interacted with has become the judge of your desirability.
• 6:46
  Think about that.
• 6:48
  You don't know whether this man is kind.
• 6:50
  You don't know whether he's emotionally available.
• 6:53
  You don't know whether he's single.
• 6:55
  You don't know whether he wants marriage, and you certainly don't know whether he's capable of being the provider-minded partner that you desire.
• 7:02
  But you've already given his reaction to you an enormous amount of power.
• 7:08
  If he smiles, you feel attractive.
• 7:10
  If he doesn't, you start questioning yourself.
• 7:12
  And quite frankly, that is an exhausting way to live because your sense of worth is now fluctuating based on the behavior of people you don't even know And here's what I want you to understand.
• 7:23
  Your desirability is not determined by whether or not a particular man notices you.
• 7:28
  And this is where I want the wounded maiden to begin growing into the conscious queen and magnetic empress consciousness that I teach.
• 7:36
  Because the queen doesn't look at every man she encounters and immediately wonder whether or not she's good enough for him.
• 7:42
  She knows that she has value.
• 7:44
  She knows that she has something meaningful to bring to the relationship, and she understands that romantic attraction is mutual.
• 7:51
  She's not standing there hoping somebody will finally validate her.
• 7:54
  She's observing, she's curious, she's deciding whether she even likes what she's seeing.
• 8:00
  Now, that doesn't mean she never experiences rejection.
• 8:03
  Of course, she does.
• 8:04
  Everyone experiences rejection, but rejection doesn't become a referendum on her value, and I think this is where women need to begin So instead of asking,"Why doesn't this man want me?" Start asking,"What, what do I actually know about this man, and is he somebody that I would even want?" Because those are two very different questions, and the second one brings your attention back to your own desires, preferences, and discernment.
• 8:30
  Number two, you are so afraid of rejection that you're not actually open to connection.
• 8:35
  The second pattern has a lot to do with how the fear of rejection can affect your behavior, because here's something interested about the wounded maiden archetype.
• 8:43
  She might desperately want to be pursued, but she can also be very afraid of being vulnerable, and sometimes that fear creates a contradiction.
• 8:53
  She wants somebody to approach her, but she's afraid to make eye contact.
• 8:57
  She wants somebody to express interest, but she becomes uncomfortable when somebody actually notices her.
• 9:02
  She wants a man to initiate a conversation, but when she's around somebody attractive, she freezes Then she gets nervous, she starts overthinking, and she becomes so concerned about how she's being perceived that she is no longer present in the interaction.
• 9:18
  Now, I wanna be careful here.
• 9:19
  I'm not suggesting that a woman is responsible for making a man approach her, and I'm certainly not saying that every man who looks away is responding to some mysterious energy that she's putting out.
• 9:28
  That's not how attraction works.
• 9:30
  But I do want you to consider how your own anxiety might affect your experience of dating.
• 9:36
  Because when you are afraid of rejection, you might intentionally make yourself less available for connection.
• 9:42
  I know I did when I was in my wounded maiden and awakening warrior stages.
• 9:47
  Maybe you avoid eye contact.
• 9:48
  Maybe you immediately look at your phone.
• 9:50
  Maybe you keep your facial expression very serious because you're trying not to appear too interested.
• 9:56
  Maybe you become so self-conscious that you stop participating naturally in conversations.
• 10:01
  And here's the irony of it all.
• 10:03
  You're doing all of these things because you want to protect yourself from the rejection, But those same behaviors might make it harder, if not impossible, for somebody to recognize that you are open to being approached.
• 10:16
  And this doesn't mean that you need to become somebody else.
• 10:19
  You don't have to walk around smiling at every man.
• 10:21
  You don't have to flirt with people you're not attracted to, and you don't have to make yourself available to anyone who wants your attention.
• 10:28
  But you can begin noticing whether you're actually present and open when you're around people that you want to connect with because there's a difference between being receptive and being completely disconnected from your surroundings, and this is something that I want you to practice.
• 10:44
  So the next time you're somewhere where you might meet somebody, Instead of immediately evaluating whether or not the men around you find you attractive, bring your attention back to your own experience.
• 10:56
  Put the attention back on yourself.
• 10:59
  Are you enjoying yourself?
• 11:00
  Are you comfortable in your body?
• 11:02
  Are you present?
• 11:03
  Are you allowing yourself to engage with the people around you?
• 11:07
  Can you make eye contact without turning it into a referendum on whether or not somebody likes you?
• 11:13
  Can you enjoy a conversation without immediately trying to figure out whether it will become a relationship?
• 11:18
  Because genuine connection becomes much easier to experience when you're not treating every interaction like a test of your worth.
• 11:25
  And because wounded maidens and awakening warriors have really low self-worth, a lot of the time they begin to treat every interaction as some sort of measurement on whether or not they are worthy.
• 11:37
  And the thing is that you don't need to perform femininity, you just need to become comfortable being present in yourself Number three, and this is super common with the wounded maidens, I've also seen it with the awakening warriors, although less with the awakening warriors, and I even see it in some conscious queens and magnetic empresses in some circumstances, right?
• 11:56
  Which is you're confusing a provider man with a man who will rescue you.
• 12:00
  Now, this third pattern is particularly important for women who resonate with the wounded maiden or perhaps some have some wounded maiden tendencies, and it's the tendency to confuse being provided for with being rescued.
• 12:12
  Because on the surface, those two things can look very similar.
• 12:16
  A provider man might be generous, he might take initiative, he might enjoy making your life easier, he might be financially stable, he might genuinely enjoy taking care of the woman he loves, and those are wonderful qualities.
• 12:28
  But here's where things become a bit complicated and confusing for a lot of you.
• 12:34
  Sometimes a woman says that she wants a provider man when what she's actually hoping for is somebody who will finally make her feel safe, worthy, and secure.
• 12:45
  She wants him to take away her anxiety.
• 12:47
  She wants him to prove that she's lovable.
• 12:50
  She wants him to make all of her decisions She wants him to rescue her from responsibilities that she no longer wants to deal with, and she believes that once she finds the right masculine man, she'll finally be able to relax.
• 13:04
  But here's the problem: a healthy relationship can offer support and security, but it cannot replace the responsibility that you have for your own emotional wellbeing.
• 13:16
  And I think this is something we need to talk about more honestly, because wanting masculine provision is not the same as wanting somebody to manage your entire life or rescue you.
• 13:25
  You can desire a man who provides financially, you can desire a man who takes initiative, you can desire a more traditional marriage, and you can still be capable and emotionally mature about it.
• 13:37
  You can still be an adult.
• 13:38
  Those things are not contradictions.
• 13:40
  In fact, if you're looking for a man who's prepared to take on responsibilities of marriage, it's important to recognize that he's also going to be looking for a partner who's capable of contributing to a healthy relationship, not necessarily in the same ways that he contributes, but in ways that demonstrate maturity, consideration, and responsibility, because healthy masculine leadership isn't about becoming somebody's replacement parent, and what a lot of wounded maidens are looking for are replacement parents And healthy feminine receptivity is not about becoming helpless.
• 14:14
  Now, there is a beautiful expression of the maiden archetype where she can be playful, spontaneous, curious, and open to being cared for.
• 14:21
  But that doesn't mean that she's incapable of taking responsibility for herself.
• 14:26
  That's usually when we start going into the awakening warrior archetype.
• 14:30
  Uh, so basically, the wounded maiden is like to me consciousness, like she's the victim of everybody else insofar as her mood depends on everybody else, basically.
• 14:39
  And then a, a lot of times what happens is a woman will move into awakening warrior, and then she wakes up and realizes that she has some responsibility, and it, and it turns into the by me consciousness.
• 14:50
  Now, the by me consciousness is where a woman is like,"Okay, well, if I have to start taking responsibility for my life.
• 14:56
  I have to start doing stuff." The problem with the awakening warrior is that she will take it too far, and she will go into overdrive of masculine energy.
• 15:03
  So hopefully, a lot of women can skip the overdrive part and then go straight into conscious queen and magnetic empress, where she learns to take responsibility for herself, and she's capable, and she has standards, and she has discernment, and she understands that she has agency, and she doesn't need a man to rescue her from her own life.
• 15:23
  That puts you in a very dangerous position when you are dating.
• 15:26
  That's how a lot of wounded maidens end up with very controlling and abusive men.
• 15:30
  But when we start moving into queen and magnetic empress consciousness, then this type of woman wants a man who can add to the life that she's already creating.
• 15:39
  So there's a difference between wanting a man who supports you and needing a man to become the source of your entire sense of safety.
• 15:47
  The second one is very problematic, and if you're noticing that you're hoping a relationship will finally make you feel worthy, secure, or complete, then that's an invitation to explore those needs within yourself.
• 15:59
  Because even a wonderful man cannot consistently provide all of your emotional security for you.
• 16:05
  That's your job.
• 16:07
  Number four, you're attracted to the idea of a provider instead of looking at his actual character.
• 16:13
  'Cause I think this is something that a lot of women overlook, especially on the internet.
• 16:18
  Sometimes you're not actually looking for a provider man, you're looking for a man who looks like your idea of a provider, and those are not necessarily the same thing.
• 16:26
  So maybe he dresses well, maybe he drives a beautiful car, maybe he's attractive, maybe he has an impressive career, maybe he seems confident, maybe he's older, maybe he has money, and you automatically associate all of those things with masculine provision, but herein lies the problem.
• 16:44
  A man can be wealthy without being generous.
• 16:47
  He can be successful without being emotionally mature.
• 16:50
  He can be confident without being responsible, and he can look incredibly masculine without being prepared for a serious relationship.
• 16:58
  This is why I tell women that they need to become more discerning about what healthy masculine leadership actually looks like.
• 17:04
  And if you're confused about it, I have a video on this channel about what healthy masculine leadership looks like so that you are very clear when you are out here dating, like, what these green flags actually look like.
• 17:15
  Because if your entire definition of a provider man is based on appearance, status, and income, you might overlook the very qualities that would make somebody a wonderful long-term partner.
• 17:25
  Qualities like, does he take initiative?
• 17:28
  Does he follow through?
• 17:29
  Does he make thoughtful plans?
• 17:31
  Does he consider your preferences?
• 17:32
  Does he take responsibility for his life?
• 17:35
  Does he demonstrate generosity in ways that are appropriate to the stage of the relationship?
• 17:40
  Does he communicate clearly?
• 17:42
  Does he want the kind of relationship that you are looking for?
• 17:45
  And is he actually prepared to contribute to that relationship?
• 17:49
  Those questions matter because somebody having the resources to provide doesn't automatically mean he wants to be a provider.
• 17:56
  There are lots of stingy wealthy men out here and And somebody wanting to be a provider doesn't automatically mean he's financially capable of taking on that responsibility.
• 18:05
  So you need to look at both.
• 18:06
  Now, I also want to address something about the comment that inspired this video.
• 18:10
  This woman was concerned that men that she found attractive sometimes looked away or seemed cold.
• 18:16
  But here's my question How does she even know those men are provider men?
• 18:21
  Because finding somebody attractive tells you absolutely nothing about his capacity to be a husband.
• 18:27
  It doesn't tell you whether or not he's generous.
• 18:29
  It doesn't tell you whether or not he's dependable.
• 18:31
  It doesn't tell you whether or not he's emotionally available, and it doesn't tell you whether or not he shares your same relationship and values and life goals.
• 18:38
  So before you decide that provider men aren't attracted to you, I want you to ask yourself whether you're actually evaluating provider qualities or simply assigning them to men that you find attractive Because those are two very different things, and you might be overlooking men who genuinely possess the qualities you want because you're looking for a particular image.
• 18:57
  And I'm not saying that you should date somebody that you're not attracted to.
• 19:01
  Physical attraction matters, but attraction and compatibility are not interchangeable.
• 19:06
  So the intention isn't simply to attract a man who looks masculine, which a lot of wounded maidens fall into this trap.
• 19:12
  It's to recognize a man who's capable of participating in the kind of relationship that you actually desire Number five, you are so focused on being chosen that you're not practicing discernment.
• 19:24
  Now, this fifth pattern is something I want every woman who ident- just every woman, period, needs to hear this because I've seen the conscious queens and the magnetic empresses intellectually understand this, but not actually embody it and practice this, which means we need to go deeper.
• 19:39
  Because when you're operating from the fear of not being chosen, you can become so focused on getting a man's attention that you stop evaluating whether or not he's actually right for you.
• 19:51
  So you meet somebody attractive, he shows a little bit of interest, and suddenly you are emotionally invested.
• 19:57
  You're imagining what the relationship might look like.
• 19:59
  You're wondering whether he'll text.
• 20:01
  You're thinking about what you should wear.
• 20:02
  You're analyzing everything he says.
• 20:04
  You're trying to figure out how to keep him interested, and you barely know this man.
• 20:09
  You don't even know whether or not he wants marriage.
• 20:11
  You don't know how he handles conflict.
• 20:13
  You don't know whether or not he's financially responsible.
• 20:16
  You don't know whether or not he's emotionally available But you are already trying to become the woman that he chooses, and here's the question that I want you to sit with.
• 20:24
  Why are you trying so hard to be chosen by somebody you haven't even decided is right for you?
• 20:30
  Because that's what the wounded maiden can do, right?
• 20:33
  And, and, you know, even if you've got other archetypes on the quiz, sometimes these wounded maiden patterns come out when we're in relationships because we feel like we're in a high-stakes environment.
• 20:42
  There's ways to make it less high stakes.
• 20:44
  I can do another video on that, so let me know in the comments if you want that.
• 20:48
  But because we're putting so much pressure on the situation, these wounded maiden patterns start to come out even if that is not the predominant archetype of your life.
• 20:57
  Because she can become attached to the possibility of being loved, and sometimes she's more invested in winning somebody's affection than evaluating the relationship itself.
• 21:06
  Now, I want you to contrast that with the conscious queen and the magnetic empress, because they can enjoy attention.
• 21:12
  They can appreciate being pursued.
• 21:14
  They can feel excited about meeting somebody attractive, but that doesn't mean that she immediately hands over all of her emotional wellbeing to somebody that she barely knows.
• 21:25
  She knows not to do that, so she observes.
• 21:27
  She allows things to unfold.
• 21:29
  She pays attention to whether a man's actions actually match his words, and she remains connected to her own standards.
• 21:36
  She doesn't assume that somebody choosing her automatically makes him the right partner, because she understands that she is also making a choice, a very important choice that can affect your whole life, by the way.
• 21:48
  And this is particularly important if you desire a provider-minded man, because a man can offer to pay for dinner and still be completely incompatible with you.
• 21:57
  He can buy you beautiful things and still be emotionally unavailable and not available for a relationship.
• 22:02
  And in fact, some men with not good intentions who don't actually want a relationship, they just wanna use you, that's one of the ways in which they shut you up, is to buy things.
• 22:11
  He can pursue you intensely and still not want marriage, it's just a chase for him.
• 22:17
  It's just another, another achievement for him.
• 22:20
  And he can have an enormous amount of money while lacking the emotional maturity required to build a healthy relationship.
• 22:27
  This is reminding me of somebody that my husband knows who's in his 50s.
• 22:32
  He's worth at least 20 million, and this guy has the emotional and relationship maturity of a 19-year-old, okay?
• 22:41
  So, like, he has a lot of money, but his relationships are a disaster So yes, you can enjoy being pursued, you can appreciate generosity, and yes, you can desire a man who takes initiative, but you still need to remain discerning.
• 22:56
  Being chosen is not the ultimate prize.
• 22:58
  Being in a healthy, mutually fulfilling relationship is the intention.
• 23:03
  That's the actual goal.
• 23:04
  And if you're recognizing yourself in these patterns where you're constantly wondering whether or not men find you attractive, trying to prove that you're worthy of being chosen, or struggling to discern who is actually capable of the relationship than that you want, then I want to invite you into Magnetically Adored.
• 23:20
  Y'all have been asking for a group coaching program for a year.
• 23:23
  I finally put it together.
• 23:24
  We are starting in January, and this is a group coaching experience for women who are ready to stop chasing love and start developing the feminine confidence, receptivity, and discernment needed for healthy relationships.
• 23:38
  We're gonna explore the patterns that keep women over-functioning and dating, the difference between wanting to be chosen and actually choosing a partner, how to become more comfortable receiving masculine effort, and how to recognize men who genuinely desire commitment rather than trying to convince unavailable men to become ready.
• 23:58
  Because I don't want you spending your life trying to become attractive to every man you encounter.
• 24:03
  I want you to become so secure in your own value that you're no longer making your desirability dependent on one man's response.
• 24:11
  You get to desire devotion.
• 24:13
  You get to desire generosity.
• 24:15
  You get to desire a man who's prepared to provide.
• 25:18
  And you get to become discerning about whether or not somebody is actually capable of meeting those needs So if that resonates with you, you can find all the details about Magnetically Adored through the link in the description.
• 25:30
  I'll also leave it in the first comment.
• 25:31
  We do have four, uh, founding member spots where you save over$1,000.
• 25:37
  So make sure to sign up for that below.
• 25:39
  Now let's talk about another reason you might be struggling to connect with provider-minded men, because this one is particularly common among the independent women.
• 25:48
  You say that you want to receive, but you're uncomfortable letting a man give.
• 25:53
  So the sixth pattern is that you say you want a provider man, but you struggle to receive when somebody actually offers you something.
• 25:59
  And this is where feminine energy becomes incredibly important because some women have spent their entire lives proving how independent they are.
• 26:08
  They pay their own bills, they make their own money, they solve their own problems, they take care of everybody else, and they're incredibly proud of being capable.
• 26:14
  Now, normally this is the awakening warrior, but lately I've been meeting some wounded maidens who are doing this too.
• 26:21
  Somewhere along the way, being independent became something they feel obligated to prove in every interaction.
• 26:27
  So a man offers to take them to dinner and they immediately insist on splitting the check.
• 26:32
  He offers to help with something and they say,"Oh, no, no, no, don't worry about it.
• 26:34
  I'll handle it." He offers to make a plan and then they start sending him all the information because they don't want to inconvenience him.
• 26:41
  Girl, inconvenience him a little bit.
• 26:42
  Some of y'all are way too convenient to men, and that's why they don't respect you He buys them a gift and they immediately start wondering how they're going to repay him.
• 26:51
  And here's what I find absolutely fascinating about this pattern.
• 26:53
  These women tell me that they want a man who enjoys providing, but when somebody actually offers to give, they instinctively try to prevent him from doing it.
• 27:02
  Because if you actually wanna be treated, but you're, like, whipping out your wallet and insisting on paying and, and doing something and reciprocating in that way'cause you, you don't wanna appear needy or you feel like you owe somebody something, that's something worth noticing, right?
• 27:15
  'Cause the two don't go together.
• 27:16
  You can't have, desire a masculine man who, who likes providing and then take it away from him.
• 27:21
  Like, it, it doesn't make sense.
• 27:23
  So if somebody offers you a thoughtful gift but you immediately feel guilty because you haven't earned it, I want you to question that belief.
• 27:30
  If receiving Because receiving generosity does not make you selfish, and it doesn't make you less independent.
• 27:36
  You can afford your own dinner and still, still enjoy having a man treat you.
• 27:41
  I make my own money.
• 27:42
  I enjoy it.
• 27:42
  It's a lot of fun for me.
• 27:44
  My husband still treats me all the time.
• 27:46
  You can buy your own flowers and still appreciate receiving them.
• 27:50
  You can plan your own vacation and still enjoy when somebody wants to plan something special for you because being capable and doing something yourself doesn't mean that you have to do it yourself every time now I also wanna make an important distinction'cause a lot of women get worried about this.
• 28:04
  Receiving does not create an obligation to provide intimacy, affection, or access to your body.
• 28:09
  If somebody gives you something and then uses that generosity to pressure you, that is not healthy provision, that's a red flag, run.
• 28:17
  That's a reason to reconsider whether this person is safe and compatible, and the answer is no, they are neither safe nor compatible.
• 28:24
  But when somebody is genuinely generous with you, you can allow yourself to appreciate it.
• 28:28
  You can say thank you.
• 28:29
  You can enjoy the experience, and you don't have to immediately turn it into an equal transaction because sometimes the most feminine thing you can do is to stop managing the exchange and then allow yourself to actually experience the moment.
• 28:42
  And for women who are accustomed to over-functioning, which is both the wounded maidens and the awakening warriors, this can require a lot of practice because receiving can feel vulnerable when you're used to being the person in control.
• 28:55
  But you don't have to become helpless to become receptive.
• 28:59
  You can be powerful and supported, independent and cherished, accomplished and deeply feminine, and all these things can coexist.
• 29:06
  They're not in competition with each other Number seven, you're making dating about performance instead of pleasure.
• 29:12
  The seventh pattern is something I think gets completely overlooked in dating advice, and it's the way women turn dating into another area of life where they have to perform.
• 29:21
  Because let's look at what so much dating advice tells women to do, right?
• 29:25
  Dress a certain way, walk a certain way, talk a certain way, wait a certain amount of time before responding to a message, never initiate, never say too much.
• 29:33
  But also, don't say too little.
• 29:35
  Don't be too independent.
• 29:36
  Don't be too available.
• 29:37
  Make sure you're feminine enough.
• 29:38
  Make sure you don't accidentally slip into masculine energy, and suddenly dating has become another job, another way for you to criticize yourself.
• 29:46
  You're constantly monitoring yourself, constantly evaluating your behavior Constantly trying to figure out whether you're doing everything correctly, which ironically puts you in a lot of masculine energy, and then you wonder why you feel anxious around men that you're attracted to.
• 30:01
  Girl, you're not even enjoying yourself, okay?
• 30:03
  You're too busy trying to get the interaction right and to enjoy yourself.
• 30:07
  And here's where I want to bring in the healthy maiden piece here, because every archetype that I teach has, like, light side and shadow side, right?
• 30:15
  One of the beautiful qualities of the maiden is actually playfulness.
• 30:18
  So she's curious, she's open to new experiences, she enjoys beauty, she enjoys being in her body, she can be flirtatious, she can be spontaneous, and she doesn't need every interaction to lead somewhere.
• 30:30
  She can just enjoy herself.
• 30:32
  But when the maiden is wounded, that playfulness can become overshadowed by anxiety.
• 30:37
  Instead of enjoying a conversation, she's wondering whether he likes her.
• 30:41
  Instead of enjoying getting dressed, she's worrying about whether or not she's attractive enough Instead of enjoying a date, she's mentally planning how to get him to commit, and all of that pressure can make dating feel incredibly exhausting.
• 30:52
  But here's what I want you to understand.
• 30:54
  Your feminine energy isn't something that you have to perform perfectly in order to deserve love, and you don't have to turn every interaction into an opportunity to prove that you're desirable.
• 31:03
  What if you went somewhere simply because you wanted to enjoy yourself?
• 31:06
  What if you wore something beautiful because you enjoyed how it made you feel?
• 31:10
  What if you allowed yourself to flirt because it felt fun, not because you were trying to secure a relationship?
• 31:16
  What if you went on a date with the intention of getting to know somebody instead of immediately trying to determine whether or not he's your future husband?
• 31:23
  Because there's something deeply freeing about being present in the moment.
• 31:28
  You get to enjoy your body, enjoy the conversation, enjoy your surroundings, enjoy the experience of meeting people, and you get to remain connected to yourself instead of trying to manage somebody else's perception of you Number eight, you're waiting to become the woman you want to be until a man chooses you.
• 31:46
  Because this final pattern is probably the deepest one.
• 31:50
  And this was actually inspired by another comment where I asked in the community tab,"What is one thing that you're leaving behind in 2026?" And one of you said,"I'm done waiting." And that's great, right?
• 32:00
  So this is something, um, I really want women who resonate with the wounded maiden or wounded maiden patterns to sit with.
• 32:07
  Sometimes you're waiting for a man to choose you before you give yourself permission to become the woman you actually wanna be.
• 32:13
  So you're waiting for a provider man before you allow yourself to slow down.
• 32:17
  You're waiting for a relationship before you start enjoying your life.
• 32:20
  You're waiting for somebody to spoil you before you allow yourself pleasure.
• 32:24
  You're waiting for somebody to tell you you're beautiful before you actually feel beautiful.
• 32:28
  You're waiting for somebody to make you feel secure before you begin creating security within yourself.
• 32:33
  And spoiler alert, here's the secret to everything, is learning how to create security within yourself no matter what is going on outside of you.
• 32:41
  Somewhere along the way, you've placed your entire sense of fulfillment on the outside world, which is why they say that the wounded maiden, um, or at least in, in my framework here, the wounded maiden, I say that she is the to me consciousness.
• 32:56
  And I want you to reconsider something.
• 32:58
  What if you don't have to wait for a man to start experiencing more of the life that you desire?
• 33:03
  What if you can begin creating beauty now?
• 33:05
  What if you can begin prioritizing pleasure now?
• 33:08
  What if you be- can begin honoring your boundaries now?
• 33:11
  What if you start treating yourself with the same care and consideration you're hoping to experience from a partner?
• 33:16
  That's what I did.
• 33:18
  That's part of what I did to manifest my husband.
• 33:19
  Even the way that I would talk to myself was with more care and consideration.
• 33:25
  Not because doing those things guarantees that you'll attract a provider man, but because those are experiences you're allowed to have regardless of your relationship status.
• 33:34
  You get to treat yourself well regardless of your relationship status.
• 33:38
  And then when you treat yourself well, other people start to treat you better And this is where the wounded maiden begins to mature and perhaps go into the awakening warrior archetype where she starts to take more responsibility for her own life because she stops looking at the outside world and for other people to give her permission So now I wanna bring this all together because I know that the title of this video is about why you don't attract provider men, but I think the deeper conversation is about what you're actually looking for and how you're approaching dating because sometimes you're not struggling to attract provider men, sometimes you're struggling to even recognize them.
• 34:15
  Sometimes you're attracted to men who don't actually share your relationship values.
• 34:19
  Sometimes you're uncomfortable receiving.
• 34:21
  Sometimes you're making your worth dependent on other people, and sometimes you're simply encountering men who aren't interested or, or compatible, and it doesn't mean anything about you.
• 34:30
  And none of these things mean that you're fundamentally unworthy of the relationship that you desire, but they do invite different kinds of reflection.
• 34:39
  So if you're looking for a provider man, get clear on what provision actually means for you.
• 34:43
  is financial generosity important?
• 34:45
  For most of you, the answer is yes.
• 34:46
  Do you desire a traditional marriage?
• 34:48
  Do you want a man who takes initiative in planning and pursuing?
• 34:51
  Do you want someone who's prepared to be the primary financial provider?
• 34:55
  What does healthy leadership look like?
• 34:57
  What does emotional maturity look like?
• 34:59
  And what kind of responsibilities are you comfortable with taking on in that relationship?
• 35:03
  Because the more clearly you understand what you want and what your values are, the easier it becomes to recognize whether somebody's actions are compatible with those desires.
• 35:14
  It makes dating a whole lot easier Now, if you're listening to this and recognizing how much of your life has been spent trying to prove you're worthy of receiving, whether that's love, money, support, or opportunities, I want to invite you to something special.
• 35:27
  On December 5th and 6th, I'm hosting the Magnetic Manifestation Portal.
• 35:31
  It's a live two-day experience where we're going to explore what it looks like to create from feminine energy instead of constantly operating from pressure, fear, and control.
• 35:40
  Because here's what I've noticed.
• 35:42
  The woman who feels like she has to convince a man to choose her is sometimes the same woman who feels like she has to work twice as hard to receive anything good in her life.
• 35:52
  She feel like she has to prove that she's worthy of love, prove that she's worthy of money, prove that she's worthy of opportunities, prove that she's worthy of being supported, and underneath all that is often the belief that receiving is something that she has to earn.
• 36:06
  And we need to unlearn this idea that love and money and opportunity and support need to be earned.
• 36:13
  So we'll spend the whole first day on rewiring these patterns, and the second day is gonna be spent on taking on the identity of a magnetic woman who can receive her, her desires in 2027.
• 36:26
  So if you want more information on that, it is at early bird pricing until November 8th.
• 36:31
  So you can find more information on that in the link in the description and also in the first comment.
• 36:37
  So now I wanna hear from you.
• 36:38
  Which of these patterns, whether you got wounded maiden on the quiz or not, which of these patterns have you found yourself doing?
• 36:45
  Let me know in the comments below.
• 36:47
  Thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one.