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The No Excuses Mindset · The No Cry Zone

• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome again to the No Cry Zone.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Positive change that is doable and durable.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jim Best, and I promised our house band, Brazen Candor, that I'd provide these requested details about their new album.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: It is titled No Precedent.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And okay, I'll say it, it's unprecedented.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: The release date is June 5th.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Pre-order on iTunes and Amazon May 28th.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: So you can order it right now.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: We'll also have it for sale on our Upwards Best website on June 5th if you want to wait that long.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: But you can pre-order it on iTunes and Amazon right now.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: It features many of the songs you've heard and enjoyed in the No Cry Zone, such as I Kick Myself, An Educated Guests, and The Very Popular There Ain't No Law Against Loneliness.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, it's got many new tracks such as I'll Be a Man About It, That Old Plymouth, My Sleepless Nights, and one of my favorite Texas Roadhouse style songs, Duck Fat Fries.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll feature another one of their newest tracks at halftime today.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Partial Two.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's relevant today because it mentions the things we expect to hear.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And we're going to take a look at a lot of the phrases that everyone has heard and still keep repeating.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: While few of us know where we picked up these phrases, we might not agree with these phrases, and yet many of these words are on auto loops that we keep hearing in our heads over and over.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So let's look and ultimately get rid of the little voices that hold us back.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: They sound harmless until they run and perhaps ruin your life.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Let's look first at what we'll call comfort and recovery voices.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: These are phrases such as I deserve a break.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: A person needs to relax too.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, it's all about balance.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like it today.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the oddest ones, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Whoever Jack is.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So let's look at what's intended by these voices.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: These voices are trying to, I guess, protect us from burnout, reduce stress, preserve emotional comfort, justify rest, and create relief.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And to be fair, rest matters, of course, balance matters, recovery matters.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is not the existence of these thoughts, the problem is unconscious overuse.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because eventually these voices stop being occasional recovery mechanisms and start becoming habitual permission slips.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing to consider balance is a priority, yes, but there are other priorities you probably have that are greater priorities than balance.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so you have to weigh that and consider it as you make decisions about what you're going to do on a daily basis.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's look at the unintended consequences of many of these comfort and relief phrases.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: The unintended consequence can be lowered urgency, weakened discipline, reduced momentum, and emotional dependence on comfort.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually a person could start asking, How do I feel?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: instead of what matters most?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And slowly, comfort becomes the decision maker.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's dangerous because momentum, as you know, is fragile.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Once it's interrupted repeatedly, it becomes harder and harder to restart.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you hear so many people talking about being stuck.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's go on at what we'll call delay and drift voices.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you, I do not talk about it as just drift because that makes it seem harmless.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I look at it as debilitating drift because it takes you off course often irrecoverably.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about these delay and debilitating drift voices, such as tomorrow works just as well, one more day won't matter.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just waiting until things settle down.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Things are pretty good right now.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: So what is intended by these phrases?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: These voices are trying to reduce pressure, aren't they?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Avoid overwhelm, postpone discomfort, and create emotional breathing room.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: The mind says, not now.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I could probably deal with this a little bit better later.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And later feels harmless because the cost is invisible right then.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: The unintended consequence, and I will tell you, many people get tripped up by the unintended consequences of their actions or inactions.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why we are focused so closely on them today.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: The unintended consequence of these phrases is that delay compounds.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: It gets easier and easier to postpone things.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: One postponed workout, one delayed phone call, one avoided opportunity, one more week waiting to begin.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Remember what we focused on last week.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: This waiting, waiting, waiting.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: It turns into years for many people.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: The unintended consequence is that debilitating drift.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Stagnation.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Who can afford that?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Missed opportunities, and we normalize procrastination.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: For many people, it becomes a way of life.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: You've seen this several times.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps worst of all, people begin emotionally adapting to unrealized potential.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: They stop expecting greatness from themselves.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's one of the quiet, I'm going to use this word and mean it very sincerely, tragedies of life when you stop expecting greatness from yourself.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's also what we'll call minimizing and settling voices.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: You've heard these.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I've done enough for now.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is good enough.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody expects profession.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Why work so hard?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: What's the point?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Who's gonna pay attention?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: What is intended by these phrases?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: These voices are trying to lower internal pressure.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's a coping mechanism.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Protect self esteem, prevent disappointment, reduce effort expenditure.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they arise after fatigue, sometimes after discouragement, sometimes after disappointment, sometimes after repeated setbacks.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: The brain starts negotiating downward.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: However, the unintended consequence is a subtle surrender.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Capitulation, not dramatic failure, not collapse, just a gradual lowering of those standards.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And once lowered standards become normalized, mediocrity begins feeling reasonable.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Mediocrity becomes feeling kind of comfortable.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's the danger, because excellence rarely disappears overnight.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: It erodes through small internal negotiations repeated thousands of times.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: When you compromise with your standards, you are settling for a less than average life.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, people listening to these phrases stop asking, What am I capable of?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: and start asking, What can I get away with?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: That shift changes lives, and that's the debilitating downward spiral.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about fear disguised as wisdom.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: The voices are people will think I'm arrogant.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want the pressure.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Success changes people.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: More responsibility means more problems.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I in my career encountered many people that had that attitude.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: What is intended?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: These voices are trying to avoid criticism, avoid social risk, avoid visibility, avoid responsibility, avoid accountability, and preserve what seems to be emotional safety.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And socially, these thoughts often sound mature, reasonable, even kind of nobly humble, but many times they are fear wearing sophisticated clothing.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: The unintended consequence again is self-limitation.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: People stop working toward their better self and they begin shrinking their ambitions, they shrink their visibility, they shrink their leadership, they shrink their opportunities, and they minimize their self-image.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they lack ability, they never give themselves a chance to show it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: They fear the emotional consequences of expansion.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, people can become loyal to smallness simply because it feels safer.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's devastating.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because a hidden life may feel somewhat safer, but it also limits your contribution, your growth, and fulfillment.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you cannot be a net positive when you are continually shrinking yourself.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's also what we'll call social normalization voices, and you've heard these.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've even said these to yourself before.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: You only live once.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Don't take things so seriously.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: What is intended here?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: These voices are trying to encourage enjoyment, reduce rigidity, create emotional freedom, reject unhealthy obsession.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Again, there is some truth inside them, but context matters, doesn't it?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let's look at the unintended consequences here.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: When overused, these phrases normalize a lack of discipline.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: You've seen this in people many times.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: They normalize avoidance, they normalize low accountability, they normalize emotional impulsiveness, and culturally they can become socially approved excuses for underperforming.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of people are going to be comfortable with you underperforming in your life.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about that in Upwards Best with this saying, don't let the bastards grind you down.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: People begin mocking seriousness, mocking ambition, mocking discipline.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, look at you.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: What are you trying to prove?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: You've heard that before.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: As though caring deeply about one's future is somehow foolish or unduly selfish.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: But meaningful lives are usually built by people who did take certain things seriously, not neurotically, not obsessively, but intentionally with purpose.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the danger of these little voices is not that they sound destructive, it's that they sound reasonable, comfortable, socially acceptable.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: They even sound at times like wisdom, don't they?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's why unmanaged internal dialogue becomes so powerful.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because eventually the voice you listen to most becomes direction of your life.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we need to become aware of these.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And in the next half, we'll look at how to address them and how to move forward in our life appropriately.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's halftime.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy this track from Brazen Candor.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Partial Two.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to construct what we're naming a no excuses mindset.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you a little bit of perspective on that.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: These phrases, these voices, often masquerade as reasons.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we call them rationale or explanations.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: We file them under balance.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: We let them pass for self-care.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: We claim them to be perspective.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: But in a no-cry zone, we're going to call many of them what they actually are: excuses.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not because we want to feel bad, not because we want to shame ourselves, not because we expect perfection, but because accurate identification matters, doesn't it?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: If we misidentify the problem, we mismanage the solution.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's a very strong no-cry zone framing and one that we should hold ourselves accountable to.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: So let's look at the big distinction.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Here is an important clarification.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, please hear me out.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Not every explanation is an excuse, not every limitation is imaginary, not every obstacle is self-created.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people become exhausted, sometimes they're grieving, sometimes they truly need rest.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Mental precision matters because many people are not simply managing reality, they are negotiating downward with themselves continually.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: So an excuse is often an emotionally comforting explanation that protects us from discomfort while quietly costing us growth.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or another way to look at it, an excuse is a story that reduces immediate pressure while increasing our long-term limitations.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: You've heard many times about self-imposed limitations.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's the root of excuses.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Excuses are dangerous because they are psychologically rewarding.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: They reduce guilt, they reduce tension, they reduce pressure, they reduce responsibility, they avoid accountability.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: They do all these things temporarily.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: But the bill, the price we pay, eventually arrives, doesn't it?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because excuses do not eliminate consequences, they just postpone them.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now this is where excuses become devastating when we normalize it.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: When repeated often enough, excuses stop being temporary, they begin sounding true.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Then eventually they become identity and unfortunately part of our lifestyle.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: We begin to think I'm just not disciplined.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not that ambitious.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a morning person.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a leader.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Who needs the responsibility?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Who needs a headache?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Who needs a hassle?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: What began as an excuse becomes a self-image that is really difficult to live with.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the no excuses mindset.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: It does not mean never resting, it does not mean never struggling.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: It does not mean never failing.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: It does not mean not feeling overwhelmed.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is not the denial of regular human emotions.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: It does not mean becoming robotic or harsh or inhuman.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: It means refusing to casually surrender your future to unmanaged rationalization.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: That distinction is essential.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the no excuses mindset means I might struggle, but I remain responsible.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: I may feel resistant, but I remain intentional and purposeful.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: I may need recovery, but I refuse normalization of retreat.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Those are strong elements of a new mindset.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: So let's look at how to do this.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: First, you have to catch the voice, the phrase.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Becoming aware.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: You must begin noticing the internal negotiation in real time.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow works just as well.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: One more day won't matter.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like it today.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the types of phrases you have to realize and recognize and make a new decision.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Separate those feelings from your direction.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: You do not need to obey every feeling.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Feelings are real, but they are not always wise.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Many lives are quietly diminished by emotional decision making disguised as logic and never revisited.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now, excuses can be replaced by you're taking ownership.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of I don't have time, say I haven't prioritized it yet.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of things are too stressful or I'm feeling overwhelmed, say I need a better strategy.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying I'll wait until I feel motivated, I will act before motivation arrives and build my own momentum.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And let's talk about this specifically because we've looked in depth at perpetual momentum.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Momentum reduces excuses because action creates clarity.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Action creates energy.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Effective action creates confidence.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: The more consistently you move forward, the quieter many excuses become.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because your future is happening happening.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you calculate your lifetime.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Come up with a alien upward and momentum GPS and super content.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: We got another crazy aligned with mandatory line reserve.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let Raven Candor take you away with everything.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: What are you partial to?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to have a great week.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: Joni was talking about her stepdad.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: Workplace accident, pretty bad.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: Then she came through the door.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'd never witnessed a face before.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: Whoever thought the first thing she'd do is ask me, What are you partial to?
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: Joni told me after my face went red.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: What kind of question is that I said?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: There's no commotion she said, although it's still something I'd like to know.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: She sure wasn't rude, but maybe abrupt.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: Joni told me after she was chatting me up.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm more used to hearing.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, how are you?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: No one asked me what I'm partial to.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's the funny thing, ain't it?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: What we expect to hear.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: It don't change much in the cost of beer.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_02: But I think about it as I sometimes do.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's important to know what you're partial to.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: As the sun got back, it's afternoon light.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: Joni said a step that was gon' be fine.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: Steppin' the water, but thinking about yeah.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: You know who walked in the door before I could well.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: Hey there, miss.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: She stood in the booth and gave me kisses.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: Funny how such things can occur, turns out.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: I am partial to her.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: What we expect to hear.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: So much can change in the course of a year.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: But think about it, as I sometimes do.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's important to know why you're partial to.