Latest / Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources / 5 Mistakes That Will SABOTAGE Your Youth Ministry!!!

Transcript

5 Mistakes That Will SABOTAGE Your Youth Ministry!!! · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about five mistakes that youth pastors make that sabotage their youth ministry.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, where we give you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast track the growth and health of your youth ministry.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: If this is the first time we're meeting, my name is Jeff Laskola and this is.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Kristen Laskola, and today we are talking about five mistakes youth pastors make to sabotage their ministry.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: That is the topic, so I hope you're not doing any of these.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Otherwise you're in a lot of trouble all right, let's jump in.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: So number one a big mistake I see a lot of youth pastors make is trying to force their I guess you could say age or stage of life on to the students, or wanting the students to be in a different stage of life than they are actually in, kind of like wishing you were a different pastor than you were, and that's really coming through on how you talk to students.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: What's your expectation of them, the types of things you plan, and it's almost like you're just like I will force you to be young adults even though you're high schoolers, or like I will force you to be high schoolers even though you're high schoolers, or like I will force you to be high schoolers even though you're junior hires.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Now don't get me wrong.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I am all for teaching slightly above age level, not consistently, like every single point, but sprinkling in things that would challenge, like a longtime Christian or a really mature student, or just like I never want students to think.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: I heard this story I already know what you're going to say, tuning out, starting now.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Right, but saying something each time in your messages that really challenged them.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So don't get me wrong, I'm all for that.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: What I'm talking more about is like if you're a junior high pastor but you are bringing more high school energy, and if you're a junior high pastor but you are bringing more high school energy, and if you're a high school pastor, you're bringing more young adult energy.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Because I think, looking at the motivation, sometimes I think it makes the pastor feel I guess you could say more validated to think like, well, my kids are real mature and it's because I'm a real pastor, gosh, darn it.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: And I think it's tied very closely to the pastor's ego of like, well, I'm not just a children's pastor, well, I'm not just a junior high pastor, fill in the blank.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: But if you set a vibe that's like well, we only do acoustic, slow songs that are very reflective, you know, because I want the students to just be serious, you know, to me I think that's a huge mistake, because instead of just meeting kids where they're at and forming a ministry that is set up for where they're at in life, you're sort of wishing they were someone or something else instead of bringing well, what kind of music do you like?
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: What kind of worship do you respond to?
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: What kind of events and games?
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: And that's another thing.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I think youth pastors think games like a real pastor.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: A real pastor wouldn't play games this is time for Bible time and and then like with interest, to like what you're interested in theologically.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: As a 25, 30 year old, I hope it's very different than what a 15 year old you know, and so it's not saying well, am I not supposed to study theology then?
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Of course not.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: That will enhance your teaching.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: However, if you are thinking, you know I made this mistake when I went on my Israel tour back in 2015 and I learned everything there was about the history of Israel and everything made so much sense and how this intersected with everything, and it was like we're doing an Israel series.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: You're all going to learn what I learned for the last 10 days.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Well, when they're not, they didn't go to Israel.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: It doesn't really translate.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: And what does a 15 year old really care about?
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: So you have to find ways.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Let me bring that truth in.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: When it intersects, naturally, with what we're talking about.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: But just because I'm all geeked out on the 12 tribes of Israel and I saw the Dead Sea, red Sea and everything in between, it's like okay, not super interesting.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: You know, like when that like long running joke, like when people go on vacation and then they show you their slideshow and they're like and then look at this and it was so cool because they're reliving it, but you're just like it's another beach, cool, wow, another seashell, but it meant something so much to them.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: It just doesn't translate very well.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: And so I think, taking that sentiment as a youth pastor, what you're geeked out about, if that enhances an aspect of your teaching, great.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: However, just be very careful to not want it to be a direct transfer.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Keep in mind your age versus their age, your development versus their development, and think like what do they need to know?
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: What are they interested in now?
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: What makes sense for them to take the next step with their relationship with Jesus?
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: So just be careful of overdoing that.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: And I think youth pastors make this mistake of like well, I want to go much deeper.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Therefore, my students want to go much deeper.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I don't think we should ever water anything down or make it shallow, but what you study in your free time is for you, like, it might not be the best fit for the 12 year old and your youth ministry.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I think that was a really hard lesson for me to learn, because so often we teach out of our own passions Like well, what is God teaching me?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm going to teach them.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: And what really impacted you clearly must impact them too, right?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't always and sometimes it does, and you could probably think, like a junior high right now, of the exception to that statement, you know, and there are, but just generally be careful of trying to make something.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've heard some high school students say that they wish like their high school pastor would have more fun.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: You know, and it's like not always just so serious, but sometimes high school pastors wish they were young adult pastors.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: So, they try to mimic that same thing for high school and the kids are like, yeah, but I'm 14.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I still want to run around a little bit, and so you know your group best and where you're erring on this.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're like whoa, I am doing that.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Or maybe you're like, yeah, right, we're soing on this, you know.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're like whoa, I am doing that.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Or maybe you're like, yeah, right, Like we're, we're so good on this.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: So for all of these, you're going to have to sort of grade yourself.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Or maybe ask some of your leaders like, hey, do you think we're hitting content?
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Wise energy, wise, fun games, events are all these screaming.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: This is the age group we work with?
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Or if somebody were to walk into the room, would they be like, oh, how many 40 year olds are you expecting today for this Bible study?
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Because this is very, very adultish you know, so just don't force them to grow up before they need to.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: I think that repels students and sabotages your ministry over time.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think a good kind of analogy or visual to kind of go with it is you're constantly wanting to lead your students, but I feel like don't lead them with a long rope or a chain.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Lead them by holding their hand and it's like wherever you're going, they're not going to be much further behind, so you're kind of taking them from where they're at one step at a time to you know.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Get deeper in the word and be a little bit more mature as a Christian, but not to the point where you're 30 yards ahead tugging them with a rope.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: It's like I'm not there Right and I can't see the next step.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: And they're not your peers, you know, like the, the things you're geeked out on, take it to your own life group or your own bible study or your own small group, you know or can you make those same impactful moments that you're having in your study applicable to that age group?
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: you.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: You might be able to and I've done that many times like I've taken some really incredible tim keller stuff and I'd be like, oh my gosh, this is such a profound thought.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: I can chew this up, digest this and give this poop it out and junior hires love poop, so full circle, win, win.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: But it like take that concept and be like, oh, here's what I can extract, and I'm not going to tell them the whole iceberg, but I'll give them like the tip of the iceberg to say, like this is an incredible thought.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Let me unpack this for you.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: So it is possible.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, when it comes to youth ministry, just making sure you're not expecting kids to be your peer right you theologically or energy wise or anything like that.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: So most of the time we need to come to them, you know All right.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Number two another thing that will sabotage your youth ministry is if you have terrible conflict management skills.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: So how you deal with conflict and conflict is clearly not an if but a when, whether it's with a student, a family, parents, leaders, co-workers, whatever.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: How you deal with conflict in ministry, I think is tied to some of your longevity in ministry, meaning how do you treat people when there is a difference of opinion, when there's tension, when there's a disagreement on how something should be done, like?
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: What are your steps for conflict resolution?
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: And I think this one I think pride shows up so hard in conflict of like.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: If you didn't think you struggled with pride and then you have to apologize or try not to speak badly about somebody.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I saw a quote the other day that was saying whenever you try to make someone else look bad, you just end up making yourself look bad, and I think that's a huge temptation of like.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Well, they did this.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: And you know and everyone needs to know that.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, but it can really really backfire on you.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: So there's some all unhealthy conflict is like avoiding it all together.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I think some people are just scared of it.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Like oh no, like makes me so uncomfortable, I don't want to have hard conversations.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's you, You're just an avoider.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Maybe, like we said, it's it's pride.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's just the fear of dealing with it head on because you lack the skills.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: You just don't even know what to do next.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: But I think this is where some youth pastors get off the rails If they cannot reconcile with people, smooth things over and become stronger at the end of it than they were at the beginning, meaning like sometimes if you do conflict really well, you are closer to that person or create more of a fan out of that person than if you had never been in the conflict to begin with.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Like it gave you the chance to prove to them I'm on your team even though we disagree, or I have your back or I'm not going to speak badly of you.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: One of the worst things is when you don't go to that person, but you go above that person or around that person.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: I had a dad years ago get mad at me for something that I didn't even know had happened.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: It was like in a car on the way to a camp.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: It was a like some thing, like a song that he didn't like that was in the car.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I wasn't in that car, I had no clue and instead of just calling me, he called like our highest senior pastor of like every campus.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: And I'm like you could have given me first shot at that, like I think I could have handled that as an apology.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Like nobody died.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: We didn't have to go straight for you know the head honcho.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: So whenever you deal with conflict with people, try to go to them first If it's not some kind of outlandish, dangerous situation.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: You know there's obviously exceptions for everything, but most of the time you can go directly to that person and say help me understand what just happened.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Or what did you mean by this or did you feel weird when we left?
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: And if you notice, all of those start with a question.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I think conflict always goes better with a question like was it just me or did we did things seem off when we were done talking, or why are you so stupid?
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: what is your deal, jeff?
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: now, those are questions.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: However, those are not the questions we're looking for.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, but I'm just spitballing glad you're here, so you're learning and keep up the good work.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, I will.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, gold star Yikes.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I think that can really put a cap on your ministry if you just can't deal with conflict.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: And then here's a really hard question to ask yourself, and you don't have to answer out loud, just answering your own brain does conflict follow you.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: We all know those people do they know themselves?
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Never had a friendship workout for longer than you know, a year or two.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: Never had a boss that they liked, or they're all I always say if there's anybody you work with and they say I'm the only one who does any work around here, I'm like, probably not true and you're toxic.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Just saying, just saying Okay.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: So some hard truths today.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Some hard truths.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: So if you're the kind of person now odds are you are not like the most unlucky person in the world that every single person you work with is out to get you.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Every single boss you had is out to get you.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Every parent hates you, Every you know like.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: If, if you look back at your life or your ministry and you just are like there's always a conflict, that might be a moment to like.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Let's reflect and dig and excavate this idea a little bit, Because, in the words of Taylor Swift, could it be?
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: You are the problem, Me is the problem.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: It's me.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: I am the problem.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: It's me, because you could have a bad boss.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: One for one, yeah, bummer.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: For you it may be even two for two.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: I almost feel like rule of three.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: if there's three, it's probably you well, and there can be things you don't like about all three of them, of course.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: However, if it is constantly blowing up to this, this heightened level of drama, tension, toxicity, right, One of us has to go.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: It might be worth looking at.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: How am I handling conflict?
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Because every person I've worked for I've had a frustration and I'm sure they've had a frustration with me and I've had a million good things to say about them and I hope they've had a million good things to say about me.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: It's like where are we getting fixated?
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: And Chris Brown, our senior pastor, said something so great the other day.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: He's like somewhere along the line we thought like maybe as Americans I can't remember exactly how we said it that like it is unacceptable to be irritated, or it's like unacceptable for something to frustrate us.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Like, some things are just frustrating and some people are just irritating, and you as the leader, as the pastor, as the Christian, as just the human being, need to just know you cannot eliminate all frustrations and irritations.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: The question is how do you move despite those?
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: You know, are you still able to be civil and kind and work together with people who irritate you or that you don't like or do?
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: you just be married to them.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: You've been married to me for almost 15 years and I irritate you on a daily basis.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: So good for you for putting up with me.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: See, do like me, hide it well, no, push it deep, down, deep I love you, but you know what I mean.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: It's like we can't just see irritations and frustrations as oh my gosh, this is unacceptable.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: It it's like can you navigate it though?
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Can you just put your head down and do the work?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Can you see the good in that person, too, and work alongside them, even though they aren't your BFF, like you know, like just?
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I guess part of the thing, too is we need to sometimes grow a thicker skin, for just like it does.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: If you go to a new church, it will still be there.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: If you go to a new church, it will still be there.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: If you go to a new staff, it'll still be there.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: There will always be that person or people who just are grading.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you can do it, you'll be fine.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: I know someone who had transferred churches multiple times and I almost felt like if I had recorded you every single time I could have played it back, and you're saying the same thing for every staff that you've worked on.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: So it's like either all five or whatever these churches are like cookie cutters of the previous one, or maybe you're just seeing these same things and people and it's more of a you thing.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I want a cookie.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Now you said cookie cutter.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that sounds really good Yum, yum, yum, yum yum.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: Thanks for focusing.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I was listening.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: All right, let's move on.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: Let's move on Number three so number three of mistakes youth pastors make that sabotage their ministry is they stop caring for themselves.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I think this is the most common one out of all five that we're talking about today of what sabotages people's ministry.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: So I think somewhere along the way people stop stewarding their own mental, physical, spiritual and relational health and it turns into a cancer and a poison that affects their entire life, including their ministry.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: You can't really separate that.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: If you're tanking mentally, if you're tanking emotionally or physically, spiritually any of those categories, I think it starts to tank your ministry.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: And this one, I see, probably like disproportionately more than the other ones.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: And I don't know why that is.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Maybe these are like just arrows of the enemy, of like trying to take us down in one way or another.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: But so many ministries I have witnessed begin to unravel because the ministry lead could not get a hold of health in their own life.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: And it's a lot like it's a lot to be the person who has to maintain yourself in order to maintain your ministry.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: But, like we've seen addictions, we've seen mental health breakdowns, health breakdowns, and some of that's not your fault and some of it is, you know, some of it could be avoided and some of it can't right.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: So I'm not saying this is all your fault, but we know that the last one was your fault, this one, it could be it couldn't be.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know it, but I just know that health is very closely tied with your ministry health.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: You know what, if you started to see your health as a continuation of your ministry?
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes and I know it might sound silly, but like my security guard and I were talking the other day about working out and he's like every time I work out and we're getting close to summer camp and I'm tired, I'm like do it for white water, do it like pushups, do them for white water, cause we do have to be physically pretty healthy to do this stuff.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: You know like you can't get tired after five minutes.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: You got to go all day long.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: You've got to lift stuff, set up stuff, drag stuff like hike, hike and you've got to pick up the slack for kids who need help or need you to carry their stuff because they've been playing video games for six months and have never been outside and like a hike is going to kill my water bottle.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Here's my jacket, here's everything, because you clearly have 14 hands.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, Just all that to say, and your energy.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: You know like it's so funny, the number one question I get or the number one answer I get from people on Sunday morning and I say, how are you?
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: tired.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Why are you tired?
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: There's a million different reasons.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Everyone's tired all the time.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Fine, whatever.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: But as a youth pastor, we can't be the like.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm just walking around so tired all the time.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Well, if it's something that the tired part, if it's something that you can control, are you tired because you stayed up till two 30 in the morning?
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: That's a your fault thing.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Are you tired because you are the parents of a newborn?
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: That's different, but it can definitely affect you.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: We were talking just yesterday maybe you weren't in this conversation, but our brother-in-law.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: They have a newborn, not a newborn eight month old and he was saying he was shocked at how much sleep deprivation would affect his everyday life yeah because he kind of thought I thought I might just be tired.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I didn't think about how it might impact relationships and how I act with people.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Totally it just.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: You don't.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: You don't have a fire in you, you're just making it through.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: You're just like surviving and, of course, like you said, okay if you have a newborn right, but it just goes to show there's the.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: is it your issue or your fault, or is it circumstances beyond your control?
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Are?
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: you taking care of yourself the best you can.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: We were both brand new parents in ministry.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was getting by by the skin of my teeth and doing my best.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not in that stage anymore.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: So if I'm exhausted all the time, either I'm eating badly, sleeping badly, not disciplined in an area.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: So when I show up on Sunday morning I'm like hey, guys, like so tired, how are you?
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: You know, it's like no, I need to set the tone for the room.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: I need to be ready to talk to the new kid, ready to bring the energy, ready to bring the fun and excitement and the joy it's going to be stemming from me.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: And if I just show up barely awake and need an espresso to like even function, you know, I think I need to ask myself like, hey, if the energy of this room and the health of this room depends on my energy, I need to have some.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: You know, I need to eat a good breakfast, I need to get a good night's sleep, I need to take care of my body, I need to make sure I'm not getting sick all the time, because I need to be here and I need to show up with my best.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: And so I think God gives us health to steward.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: You know, like we, we talk about stewarding our money and resources.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: I think of health as a resource.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: I can, and maybe it's because I had health struggles and I couldn't do what I wanted to do.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: You know I'm, I was born with a genetic heart condition that really took me out for a few years until I figured out, you know, how to live with it in a way that it didn't like sabotage every single day.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: It was awful and I realized, man, I feeling good is so powerful for what you bring to the table.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Are you thinking well?
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Are you speaking well?
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Are you clear?
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Do you have energy?
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Do you you know, like that is a big deal.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: And so, just like Stuart, like we're saying, stewarding your money and your resources, you steward your health.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: God's like.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: I've given you health.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Are you going to maintain it?
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Are you going to keep it?
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Are you going to maintain it?
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Are you going to keep it?
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Are you going to maximize it?
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Because you can use your health for ministry?
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Because then you're sharp, you're ready to go, you're excited, you've got energy, you can bring people along.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: You can rally the troops you know like.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Even beyond that.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: It's how you interact with people too.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Like a tired, irritated person is not going to be able to handle conflict, you know not to be able to handle things that are thrown at them, like either don't want to deal with it or, if I do deal with it, you're going to get my worst.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's not good for anybody.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Our executive pastor said for years fatigue makes cowards out of all of us.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: It was just like you can't do anything.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: You're just like I don't know, I don't care, I can't decide you know, or you're irritable and snapping at people.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: It's like wow what was that all about?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: And so then, thinking about your spiritual health, that's obvious.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Are you continuing to grow in your relationship with the Lord or are you spiritually dry?
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: You have to eat the word of God for yourself, not just distribute it for others.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Your mental health Do you need counseling?
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Do you need to talk to someone?
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: Do you have just a storm inside you of mental and emotional health that you cannot get ahold of?
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: That will come out in one way or another Like, yeah, and these things, it's like a lot of it, even if it's not your fault, what's happening to you.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: The personal responsibility aspect is getting the help you need to navigate it you know.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: So, whether that's a health coach or a counselor or whatever, but just making sure am I as healthy as I can be, because the ministry is an extension of me and if I go down, you know we're going to take a huge hit, yeah, and a lot of that is avoid down.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: You know we're going to take a huge hit, yeah, and, and a lot of that is avoidable you know, like so many people I've seen that have like mental crises and then they have to step away from their ministry.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: It's because they were too embarrassed to tell someone when they started noticing a problem and then they just thought, no, I'll just write it out, it'll be okay.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: And then slowly it keeps eroding and eroding and eroding, to where people are.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Like what is going?
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: on.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: And then you have to come clean and then the ministry takes a hit because the damage has been done that we've come as a community with mental health and with counseling, things like that.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: It doesn't have the stigma that it once did and it never should have, but I think that's really strong for people.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: If you feel the need to do that, by all means go ahead and do that.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: All right, I think we've beat that horse to death.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Number four Number four is not developing others as leaders.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: We did a whole episode on this last week of just the different leadership styles of Jesus and open-handed leadership, develop and deploy all kinds of things.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: So go back and listen to that because that's pretty extensive on this one.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: But I think leaders really sabotage their ministry, shoot themselves in the foot if they see themselves as the leader and no one else is needed and or it can kind of be a lazy thing too.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's not pride for you and you're like I would love to share the leadership, but who am I sharing it with?
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: You know there's no one.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Oh well, find them you know, make that a prayer, make that a mission mindset of I'm going to find this person and develop them into a leader.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Everyone should have leaders coming out of their ministry.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: Everyone should have leaders being developed within their ministry.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Your ministry gets so much better when there's more shared leadership than just you, because if it's just you, you really become the ceiling of your ministry.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: It's all your personality.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: I think back to when I first started and I was the only one like I would do the announcements, mc, run the game, do the icebreaker.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Then I would do the talk, then I would lead a small group, I would do tech, like I was the only person that kids saw up front.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Week after week after week after week.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I was like every role, like put on my referee hat, now I'm putting on my speaker hat, now I'm putting on my MC hat, now I'm putting on my tech hat, now I'm putting on my pickup hat, parking ministry hat, yeah really I did every single thing and it was exhausting and probably not very dynamic of a ministry.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: It's just like come and see the Kristen show and it was really like okay, but what if you had other people who could emcee and do announcements?
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: What if you had other people that could lead the game?
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: What if you had other speakers, different teaching voices?
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: What if you had other people that could lead the game?
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: What if you had other speakers, different teaching voices?
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: What if you had other people that could like even just sharing their testimony or something like that?
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: But just getting other people going and leading and giving away, not just delegating tasks, like we talked about last week, but delegating authority.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Camp is a great time to do that.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Like you play so many games and do so much rec, put other people in charge of these games and let their style run it.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Do a Devo every morning.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: We do really short ones at camp and then we do the big talk at night.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Get other leaders up there doing Devos.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: You know, I think when you start developing leaders, it makes your ministry more dynamic, more enjoyable for everyone and so magnetic because people see themselves as having a chance to do ministry, not just like well, kristen's the one who does the ministry and we just wait until she calls us like okay, your turn to lead small group.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: You know like wait till the last half hour of the program and that's all you.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: But, until then it's all me, you know.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: But I think that's the sign of a very healthy ministry when everyone's getting to flex their muscles to do what they're created to do, what they're passionate about, and you're kind of just letting them kind of organically like what do you want to do?
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: what would you be good at?
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: How can I help you go to the next level in your leadership?
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: Have you ever thought of doing this?
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: So I think it just takes a lot of intentionality on the pastor's part, which that's sometimes where it ends, because it's like no, I don't know how that was too much.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: But you could start really little of just like saying, would would you plan and lead a game, or would you find some cool curriculum for our student leadership team?
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: And or do you want to teach our student leadership team?
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Do you have a leadership lesson you'd like to?
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: You know, give to them, or do you want to help plan an event?
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: And there could be all kinds of things.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: But basically, you're continuing to develop leaders.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Go back and watch the other episode.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: And lastly, number five the last habit to sabotage yourself is saying things like well, this is how we've always done it.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: Where you're just getting complacency, complacent, or you're getting complacencyency, and I think a lot of times people get in this mode where they just say, I don't know, like we just don't do this, or we just always have done this, like we just don't do small groups.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: Well, we just always have had junior, high and high school together and it works for us.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: And instead of saying what could be like, what is a possibility, what.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: So if we tried this, what might happen?
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Or do we just say, well, this is what we do, period, Well, why can we do something else?
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Is there something else on the horizon that would be better or grow us in a different way or be more beneficial?
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: You can't just say, well, there's nothing more we can do, like we've reached the pinnacle of this ministry and that's, we're just maintaining.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: At that point, you're just managing what is and you have no desire to see what could be.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: And you have no desire to see what could be.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: So I describe this as having no hustle, no hunger, no drive, just like maybe that's a nice way of saying lazy, but just sort of not asking yourself where could we be better, totally content with status quo.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: You're kind of on cruise control And's that quote.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Complacency kills, and I think that is obviously a business term, but it's true in the ministry world as well.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Just like when you get complacent, your ministry just sort of slowly dies yeah because you're never asking the question what could be better, what could we do?
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: and not that you're like wanting the question what could be better, what could we do?
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: And not that you're like wanting to like so let's just do stuff for the sake of doing stuff, to be busy, but you're analyzing what do we do and is that the best?
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: How could we improve this?
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: Because if you plan to be here for a long time, I mean you have the power within you to like how far could we take this thing?
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: Like how many people could come to know Jesus?
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Because we're willing to do new and creative things that reach people.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: I forget who it is.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: I think it might be Craig Groeschel or Andy Stanley, I can't remember, but he says if you want to reach people that nobody's reaching, you have to do things that nobody's doing.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: And I loved that because the way cookie cutter more cookies that we are doing ministry.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: sometimes that's not reaching everyone.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: We could be reaching, you know, like we might not even be.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: We might just be thinking about maintaining who's in our walls, like, well, let's just keep everyone happy and comfortable.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: But what about?
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: How do we expand those horizons to reach the kids?
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: We're not reaching yet and I think that just takes a lot of creativity and thought, but more so just not being okay with like, well, this is just what we do, we've always done, and works for me.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Good night, you know.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: So, just never losing that hunger, that hustle, that passion to explore and to get creative and to figure out new things and try new things.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: I've tried plenty of programs Like I think this is the answer to this and it was kind of like no, I guess not, and we don't do it anymore.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Oh well, what did I lose?
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: Not a whole lot, you know.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: So be willing to try and fail and adjust and rethink and analyze and inspect, but, like always, be curious about your own ministry.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: What are we doing?
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: That's really good.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: What are we doing that is not working and what could we be doing?
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: Those are all really good questions to ask often, but at the very least once a year with your team to say where are we going, what's next for us?
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: I've worked with pastors who are complacent and it's just sort of like a grind like well, I guess, like we did it yeah, I mean, I don't know, is that it like?
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: right you know.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: But when you have a passion to see more and more people come to understand jesus, know jesus, have an experience with jesus, you start to get creative of like what's going to?
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: To get creative of like what's going to draw this group of people and what's going to draw that group of people and what do these people need to hear?
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: What kind of program would grow this person?
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: You know, how are we going to build community?
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Like, when you start to see problems, you start to see opportunities, right.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: So identifying the problem is very easy.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Identifying and creating solutions can be more difficult.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: But that's where it separates, you know, the little L leader versus the big L leader.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: Yes, we from last week.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, we had a an issue at the campus we previously were at.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: We had to rent out the high school at the school and a problem that they were having was people would sit in the very back of this theater kind of auditorium and not be filling up the front and it felt like a really big disconnect, you know, between like the worship team and things like that.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: And so I remember the pastors kind of came out and we're figuring things like what can we do the?
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: The initial thought you'd think is we'll block off the back and and then they can't sit there.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: But larry, uh, osborne, our senior pastor, one of our senior pastors said nobody wants to feel like they're being pushed forward.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so they just took the stage and built onto it and brought the band further out and it was like you can't do that, like wait, like is that even possible?
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: You know, because it was a high school that has a set stage, like it's permanent, and they would bring in a portable extension to bring the stage out further, and I just remember thinking like you could have given me a million years, I never would have thought we'll just build more stage and that way it's like we're coming to you.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: we eliminated the first few rows.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: So it just I mean, it's like we're coming to you, we eliminated the first few rows, so it just.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: I mean it's a small example, but just to go to show that there's certain things you can do out of the box, thinking that can kind of change things drastically, and that did help, it did improve it, and I think youth pastors, our breed, is very good at being like, well, I can't, because they won't let me, instead of saying, well, how can we?
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: I love asking for forgiveness instead of permission.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: You just start doing stuff and see what they say.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: I really do.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: I love to just solve problems, find solutions, get resourceful and not take no for an answer, you know.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: But I'm glad you brought that up, because only Larry, you know, seemingly would think of that.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: But we're all capable of those kinds of solutions, um, without just saying, well, I can't, you know, and then just being okay with that.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: Right, it's like.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: Well, it is what it is.
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: Nothing can be done.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: And if something is important, can we find a way?
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Well, it is what it is.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Nothing can be done.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: And if something is important, can we find a way?
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: Can we work something?
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: out, can we?
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: build something.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I love that hunger and that hustle and that like desire to see results.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know I do.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: If you guys got value out of this episode, make sure you subscribe, because we give away great youth ministry tips and tactics every week.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: And yeah, we did reference a couple of videos.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: One you talked about, obviously, the three leadership styles, and which one are you.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: That's an episode we released last week or last week, depending on.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: I was going to let it go, but I heard you last week and then another one was we did do an episode all about heart hustle hunger.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: I don't know the order of those three words, but make sure you check that as well.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I didn't know that pertinent.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, please send it to me.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: I'm very interested.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Uh, the question of the day this week is what is a outfit that you wore in the name of youth ministry and make sure you guys listening if you're watching on youtube put in the comment section below what is something that you wore just for the sake of youth ministry.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of characters that I dress up.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: As for youth ministry, I'll give you a few.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: I was a Christmas elf for way too many years.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: And it was, I don't know, was it cute or was it obnoxious, maybe both, maybe both, maybe both Probably describes a lot of what I do.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: It was pretty obnoxious and I felt like an idiot.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: But I was an elf for years Every Christmas for the kids and then I dressed up as Britney Spears.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: Don't worry, it was totally appropriate for this event.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: We did, and I loved that costume.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: But the funniest one lately is I was Moana for one of our competitions and so I had this really big wig on, like a lot of hair, very dark, curly.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: It was pretty, but it was clearly a wig or so I thought.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: And it was an event where all these new kids will come and it's like our outreach thing.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: And it was an event where all these new kids will come and it's like our outreach thing.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: And they loved Moana, like who knew she was so popular with junior hires?
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Like they would just like give me candy all the time.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: And they were like Moana.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: They made like signs for me.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: And then we went back to regular youth group and this new girl's like oh my gosh, I thought you had really dark hair.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: I thought the Moana hair was your hair.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh really, she's like yeah, that's how I met you.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: I thought that was your hair.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like, nope, she goes, you have blonde hair.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I'm like which one looks better, the blonde or the Moana wig?
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: She goes the Moana hair the blonde or the Moana wig, she goes the Moana hair.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: You set yourself up.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: That was your own fault.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: It was a very obvious answer.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, uh, okay well, I hate to tell you, but this is just how.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: I look stuck with this version yeah, so that was pretty funny yeah, same, I had not moana, but I had several costumes that were event related a knight one year, a pirate one year, but I think the oddest was I was a robot like a cardboard silver robot it came in really handy.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: We did an air band to perry grips.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: It's raining tacos was that there's a taco bot right and you were him.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: I think I used it for another.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: Um we did another air band where I was a robot.
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, we were like we were all toys and I was a toy robot.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: So I got my money's worth out of that costume, but I remember at the end we all would fall down yeah and I had never fallen down in the costume and I couldn't get up because I couldn't roll.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: I felt like uh randy on christmas story help, me help.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: I can't get't get up.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: It was too big and I was like hopefully someone realizes I'm still on stage, Were you?
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: panicking A little bit because I literally could not move one side or the other.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: So it all worked out.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Put in the comments section below what something you wore, ridiculous that you wore in the name of youth ministry In the name of youth ministry Okay youth ministry.
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: In the name of youth ministry.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: Okay, community comment of the day comes from dk silva 983, who says this is in regards to what she loves about the podcast, and she said my favorite thing is you guys.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: You're both great and you bring amazing topics every week that inspire me to continue to serve.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: May god pour showers of blessings over you so you can continue to touch so many people.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: Every time I learn something new from you and I implement it into our ministry.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: I see growth, so thank you.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Really appreciate that.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: That's a great comment it is.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: I love when you, when people are like when I do it, it works.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that too.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: You know like.
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: I, but most importantly, you did it.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: Well, that's not most important, because what if it doesn't work?
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I guess you're right.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: No, the point.
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: That was awkward.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: The point being, I think too many people listen and don't implement.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, so do it.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we've completely derailed.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: All right, you guys.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for watching and listening and we'll see you next time.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about five mistakes that youth pastors make to sabotage their ministry.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: And make sure you stick it down.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about five ways that youth pastors sabotage their ministry.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: Five ways that youth pastors sabotage their own ministry.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: Five ways that youth pastors sabotage their ministry.