Latest / Groove with Portia / A Promise Kept: Love, Alzheimer’s and Dying With Dignity

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A Promise Kept: Love, Alzheimer’s and Dying With Dignity · Groove with Portia

0:06
Speaker 1: Welcome to Groul Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
0:09
Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and
0:12
Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
0:15
Speaker 1: where we were exchange laughter of course the best medicine
0:18
Speaker 1: of them all, reflect on cherished memories, Remember that time
0:21
Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
0:23
Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course discover
0:26
Speaker 1: gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges lost. So
0:31
Speaker 1: get ready to grow with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
0:35
Speaker 1: dive in why Hello everyone, and welcome back to Groul Porsche.
0:47
Speaker 1: I am your host, Porsche Booker and is always don't
0:50
Speaker 1: forget to like, share and subscribe to keep it with
0:53
Speaker 1: all things grew with Porsche. So today's episode, we're going
0:57
Speaker 1: to be focusing on something that has become very popular
1:00
Speaker 1: in our society today, which is medical aid and dying
1:05
Speaker 1: but also dying with dignity. And today I'm going to
1:08
Speaker 1: be joined by a very special individual. Shout out to
1:10
Speaker 1: mister Dave Roberts for the introduction to Miss Erica Bacchis,
1:14
Speaker 1: who's going to share her story about her and her
1:17
Speaker 1: husband's journey John as he made his transition from this earth.
1:21
Speaker 1: So welcome to girl, Porsia, Miss Erica Bacchis. Erica, it's
1:25
Speaker 1: an honor to have you.
1:27
Speaker 2: Well, thank you, Porsia, it's great to be.
1:28
Speaker 1: Here, Erica. Before we dive into your journey with John
1:35
Speaker 1: as he made his transition from this earth? Who was John?
1:39
Speaker 1: And what do you want people to remember about him? Erica?
1:42
Speaker 2: See this big smile. Every time somebody wants me to
1:45
Speaker 2: talk about John, I light up. John was well, first
1:51
Speaker 2: of all, here's the love of my life. We were
1:53
Speaker 2: married for forty one years. But he was one of
1:55
Speaker 2: those guys when he walked into a room, everybody he
2:00
Speaker 2: was there, and not in a bad way. It's because
2:03
Speaker 2: he brought so much joy along with him. He was kind,
2:06
Speaker 2: and he was funnier and heck, he had a laugh
2:09
Speaker 2: that was sort of a signature laugh. You could hear
2:12
Speaker 2: him down the hallway and not seem and you would know, Oh,
2:15
Speaker 2: there's John Bachus. Kids and kids and animals were always
2:20
Speaker 2: in his lap. They always gravitated towards John. He was
2:28
Speaker 2: generous with his time, he was generous with his love.
2:32
Speaker 2: He was so creative, and he built a train in
2:37
Speaker 2: our garage. He was a great gardener, and I had
2:41
Speaker 2: tomatoes and fruits and vegetables all the time when he
2:45
Speaker 2: was gardening in the backyard. And he was just the sweetest, kindest, gentlest,
2:52
Speaker 2: big bear, big teddy bear. Everybody called him a big
2:54
Speaker 2: teddy bear. And so that's a little bit about him.
2:59
Speaker 2: And he had a very strong, strong opinion of whatever
3:04
Speaker 2: he had an opinion of, he had a strong opinion.
3:06
Speaker 1: So well, Erica, thank you for sharing that about him.
3:11
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just thinking about as we're kids, right
3:13
Speaker 1: and we see the giant teddy bears in the store,
3:16
Speaker 1: and we want to run and give it a big
3:18
Speaker 1: hug and sit with it. I remember when my dad
3:22
Speaker 1: was still around, we used to go to this amusing park,
3:25
Speaker 1: those of you who are in Ohio, Collchiaga Lake, which
3:28
Speaker 1: later became six Flags, and I remember my dad was
3:32
Speaker 1: like a wizard, Erica when it came to the amusement
3:35
Speaker 1: park games. You know the ones that you throw a
3:37
Speaker 1: little ball or the ring or the hammer thing. Well,
3:41
Speaker 1: my dad won this. I'm not kidding. It was like
3:45
Speaker 1: a five feet tall bugs bunny stuffed animal. I mean
3:49
Speaker 1: it was huge. I think we threw it out maybe
3:51
Speaker 1: ten years ago because it just crumpled to pieces. But
3:54
Speaker 1: that thing was huge. We had to like fold it
3:57
Speaker 1: to get it into the back seat. That's what it
4:00
Speaker 1: makes me think of with John, that he was that
4:03
Speaker 1: comfort for so many people, for animals. You know how
4:08
Speaker 1: his brain worked. As far as building a whole train,
4:11
Speaker 1: I mean, did this train of people actually ride in
4:14
Speaker 1: it like the ones in the mall.
4:15
Speaker 2: Or little train cars? Okay, But the crazy thing was,
4:20
Speaker 2: so we live in what we call a flat in
4:23
Speaker 2: San Francisco, and we have half a garage, and he
4:30
Speaker 2: built a platform, and underneath the platform he built all
4:35
Speaker 2: the circuitry to make the train run. And then on
4:40
Speaker 2: top of the platform he built a little city that
4:44
Speaker 2: was modeled after Trucky, California. That's where Squaw Valley is
4:49
Speaker 2: and Alpine Meadows is. So he built this town that
4:54
Speaker 2: looked just like the town where we ski. And then
4:57
Speaker 2: he put this platform on what do you call it,
5:01
Speaker 2: a pulley system, So it sat above the car that
5:06
Speaker 2: was parked in the garage. So when he wanted to
5:09
Speaker 2: work on his train, you move the car out and
5:11
Speaker 2: you pulled the pulley down. And when he was done,
5:14
Speaker 2: the pulley went back up and it's no longer filled
5:18
Speaker 2: with the town and the trains, but the pulley and
5:21
Speaker 2: the platform are still above my car.
5:24
Speaker 1: Wow. I mean literally. John was a renaissance man.
5:28
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he was incredible. And I used to say
5:32
Speaker 2: to him, how do you know how to do all this?
5:36
Speaker 2: He didn't have an engineering degree, but he was basically
5:39
Speaker 2: an engineering brain, and he says, I don't know, I
5:42
Speaker 2: just know how to do it. I really miss there's
5:45
Speaker 2: so much. So many times I say, God, John, I
5:48
Speaker 2: need you right now, because you know I'm knocking on
5:52
Speaker 2: doors of my neighbors down. Can you help me put
5:55
Speaker 2: my new cartridge in the printer? Ah?
5:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean literally, Airica. I mean when I
6:02
Speaker 1: think about just what you shared about John, his brain,
6:07
Speaker 1: his adventurous spirit, you know, mister fix it. That's how
6:11
Speaker 1: my boyfriend is my boyfriend and my uncle are mister
6:13
Speaker 1: fix it. And I think it's that like generation, they
6:16
Speaker 1: learned how to do stuff from working on cars, fixing
6:20
Speaker 1: things in the house. And I used to.
6:23
Speaker 2: Say he found solutions to problems I didn't know existent. Hmm.
6:29
Speaker 1: Wow. Well, I'm grateful Erica that even though John is
6:34
Speaker 1: not there. He didn't leave you empty handed, because at
6:36
Speaker 1: least you've got neighbors who you can ask for the
6:38
Speaker 1: printer or you know, if you want them to do
6:40
Speaker 1: something on your car for you, instead of obviously taking
6:43
Speaker 1: it to the dealership or something like that. I'm grateful
6:46
Speaker 1: that you at least have those connections, Erica. One of
6:50
Speaker 1: the things that I know about your story in John
6:53
Speaker 1: is that John was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and I'm curious,
6:58
Speaker 1: what was that converse sation like when John shared with
7:03
Speaker 1: you that he didn't want to transition from this earth
7:07
Speaker 1: as a result of Alzheimer's. How did that go for
7:10
Speaker 1: you as his wife?
7:11
Speaker 2: That's such an important question. I try to talk about
7:15
Speaker 2: it as much as I can. My mother had early
7:21
Speaker 2: onset Alzheimer's. She died when she was sixty three, so
7:25
Speaker 2: she was young. She didn't die from Alzheimer's, but she
7:28
Speaker 2: was on her way. And so when John and I
7:33
Speaker 2: got married. At different times during our marriage we would
7:37
Speaker 2: talk about what it was like to have Alzheimer's, and
7:42
Speaker 2: I said, I don't ever want to live with it,
7:44
Speaker 2: and he didn't either, And he also believed that if
7:50
Speaker 2: I don't have a brain I'm not a person. He
7:52
Speaker 2: used to tell me that all the time, and so
7:58
Speaker 2: we had discussed what our wishes were long before he
8:02
Speaker 2: was diagnosed. So when we were at the neurology meeting
8:09
Speaker 2: where they diagnosed him in twenty twenty, he asked the
8:13
Speaker 2: doctor two questions. One can I still drink alcohol? Okay
8:21
Speaker 2: and with my dinner? And two how long before I'm
8:27
Speaker 2: a vegetable? And I knew when I was sitting in
8:32
Speaker 2: that room next to him, and I knew when he
8:34
Speaker 2: asked that question. I knew where that brain was going.
8:37
Speaker 2: It was how long do I have before I have
8:39
Speaker 2: to leave this earth? Because he was not going to
8:42
Speaker 2: be there if he couldn't think, if his quality of
8:50
Speaker 2: life was gone, he did not want to be here.
8:53
Speaker 2: So the conversation one day when we were home, we
9:01
Speaker 2: were visiting with a very very very close friend, and
9:04
Speaker 2: he was talking to his close friend and they were
9:06
Speaker 2: discussing suicide options. They had both been in the military,
9:12
Speaker 2: so they were talking about what it's like to shoot yourself,
9:15
Speaker 2: and they came to the conclusion, when you're healthy, when
9:18
Speaker 2: you're not emotionally depressed, or where you're not it's really
9:22
Speaker 2: hard to kill yourself. And he basically said, if you're
9:26
Speaker 2: going to shoot yourself, you the gun in your mouth. Anyhow,
9:32
Speaker 2: I went through sitting there listening for an hour or
9:35
Speaker 2: two of going through all kinds of methods of suicide,
9:40
Speaker 2: including jumping off the builden Bacon Gate Bridge, and we
9:46
Speaker 2: wound up at the end of that conversation with shoot,
9:50
Speaker 2: I can't figure it out. I don't know what I'm
9:51
Speaker 2: going to do. And so I knew how serious he
9:57
Speaker 2: was about this. I mean, it's very weird to sit
10:00
Speaker 2: and listen to your husband try to figure out suicide
10:03
Speaker 2: when you know you know, when you know what's coming.
10:09
Speaker 2: And the thing about Alzheimer's is there's no hope. You're
10:12
Speaker 2: not going to get better, You're only going to get worse.
10:15
Speaker 2: So I somebody recommended a book to me and it
10:21
Speaker 2: was called In Love by Amy Bloom, and she took
10:27
Speaker 2: her husband to Switzerland, to this place where assisted suicide
10:33
Speaker 2: is legal. And I read that book. It's she did
10:40
Speaker 2: all this research. She did all the research so I
10:42
Speaker 2: didn't have to do it. And that's how she found
10:47
Speaker 2: Dignitas in Switzerland. And so after I read the book,
10:51
Speaker 2: I said, this, this is what we need. And because
10:55
Speaker 2: it's not legal to do this in the United States,
10:58
Speaker 2: and I can explain why. But so the conversation was,
11:04
Speaker 2: it took me three weeks to tell John that I
11:06
Speaker 2: had found this place, and I said, I have to
11:12
Speaker 2: tell you something. Finally. At first I didn't want to
11:15
Speaker 2: tell him because if he was in a bad day,
11:18
Speaker 2: he wasn't going to be able to process the information.
11:21
Speaker 2: If he was having a good day, I didn't want
11:23
Speaker 2: to ruin it. And thirdly, I didn't want to do it.
11:26
Speaker 2: I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want
11:27
Speaker 2: to do it. So after three weeks I finally said, Honey,
11:30
Speaker 2: I think I have something that you would want. And
11:34
Speaker 2: I told him what the book said, and I told
11:36
Speaker 2: him the general idea and so this is two years
11:40
Speaker 2: after diagnosis, and he said, all right, let's do it.
11:46
Speaker 2: He asked me a few questions, and after I answered
11:49
Speaker 2: the questions, he said, let's do it. And that was
11:52
Speaker 2: the discussion.
11:55
Speaker 1: And Erica, I mean, when I think about John curiosity
12:01
Speaker 1: still sitting in the doctor's office, like, hey, how long
12:05
Speaker 1: before I'm a vegetable? Right, and then you finding this
12:10
Speaker 1: book after all the different ideas that you couldn't come
12:15
Speaker 1: up with, right that and as you mentioned, when you're
12:18
Speaker 1: mentally competent and you're in a good headspace, it's hard
12:21
Speaker 1: for you to think of ending your own life. When
12:25
Speaker 1: you're in that headspace of life is terrible. I'd need
12:29
Speaker 1: an exit out of this situation. It's easier, right, And
12:33
Speaker 1: I'm curious, Erica, for our audience, can you share with
12:37
Speaker 1: us what John's transition day was like? And also what
12:43
Speaker 1: is something that stood out for you on that day.
12:49
Speaker 2: So what you should know is he was diagnosed in
12:56
Speaker 2: twenty twenty. I sort of thought there was something wrong
13:01
Speaker 2: with him in twenty seventeen, but he was functioning fine,
13:05
Speaker 2: so I left it alone. But I saw signs and
13:09
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty he was starting to not hold new data.
13:15
Speaker 2: And so as the years passed, you know, he got
13:18
Speaker 2: worse and he got worse, and I was in this
13:25
Speaker 2: mode of I was like a robot. I mean, I
13:29
Speaker 2: knew after two years, I knew for sure where we
13:33
Speaker 2: were headed, and I knew it was going to be
13:36
Speaker 2: not that long. And I stealed my completely stealed myself,
13:45
Speaker 2: and my emotions were very hidden from me and from
13:49
Speaker 2: everybody else, and so I had the tasks of anticipating
13:53
Speaker 2: his needs and making sure that he was getting what
13:56
Speaker 2: he needed to get to be as well and healthy
13:59
Speaker 2: as he could be. And I finally there came a
14:03
Speaker 2: time where you did have a driver's license, and I
14:05
Speaker 2: was driving him to golf, which he still played, And
14:09
Speaker 2: so I was doing all this stuff and holding in
14:16
Speaker 2: the sadness as much as I could, so when it
14:20
Speaker 2: came time for him to die, to actually die, I
14:27
Speaker 2: said to him we were getting on the airplane in
14:30
Speaker 2: San Francisco to fly to Switzerland, and said, I don't
14:33
Speaker 2: know if I can get on this plane. I don't
14:36
Speaker 2: know if I can walk down that terminal. And he
14:40
Speaker 2: took my hand and we got on the plane. And
14:48
Speaker 2: he died on July twenty sixth, twenty twenty three. We
14:53
Speaker 2: arrived in Switzerland on July twenty fourth. We left her
14:58
Speaker 2: on the twenty third. We got there in the two
15:00
Speaker 2: went fourth, and we had to go early because he
15:05
Speaker 2: had to meet with a psychiatrist to who was going
15:09
Speaker 2: to check out his mental competency one last time. And
15:15
Speaker 2: the night before he died, he went to sleep and
15:20
Speaker 2: I want we were cuddled up by we were spoon
15:24
Speaker 2: and I wanted to talk to him, and he was
15:26
Speaker 2: sound asleep, and I thought, how does someone go to
15:31
Speaker 2: sleep like that when you're going to die the next day?
15:35
Speaker 2: And I think because I couldn't sleep, And I think
15:38
Speaker 2: that the disease that by that point had something to
15:44
Speaker 2: do with his brain capacity, And I mean, I know
15:49
Speaker 2: it had something to his brain capacity, but I think
15:51
Speaker 2: that affected his behavior as well. And I also think
15:55
Speaker 2: that John was ready to die. I think he was
16:00
Speaker 2: done suffering, and he was suffering, and I think he
16:05
Speaker 2: was just ready for it, and that's probably why he
16:09
Speaker 2: could sleep so well. The next morning, he gets up,
16:13
Speaker 2: he takes a shower, gets dressed, and we go to
16:17
Speaker 2: the room for breakfast. And my son, I have an
16:23
Speaker 2: adult son who lives in Chicago, and he flew out
16:26
Speaker 2: to Switzerland the day before and his purpose was to
16:32
Speaker 2: help me get home, and I was going home with
16:35
Speaker 2: him to Chicago, not back to San Francisco. So he
16:39
Speaker 2: was at breakfast with us. And then the doctor showed
16:42
Speaker 2: up again. Because the doctor told John to think on
16:45
Speaker 2: it overnight, he could still change his mind. They give
16:49
Speaker 2: you all kinds of options to get out of this decision,
16:54
Speaker 2: and John said, no, I haven't changed my mind. I'm
16:59
Speaker 2: ready to do this. He's got a big smile on
17:01
Speaker 2: his face. I have the picture of him sitting at
17:04
Speaker 2: the table with his Warriors t shirt on Golden State.
17:07
Speaker 2: Warriors are a basketball team and oh, you know, yeah,
17:14
Speaker 2: you know the Warriors from the Cleveland anyhow, So we
17:23
Speaker 2: were taken then by a limo to this house somewhere
17:27
Speaker 2: in Zurich, and there are no doctors there. There are
17:31
Speaker 2: two ladies there, and so it's my son Dan and
17:35
Speaker 2: me and John and we go into this house and
17:38
Speaker 2: they welcome us, and it's a house, and we were
17:42
Speaker 2: in the kitchen and in the kitchen you could see
17:46
Speaker 2: a hospital bed and then a shade a chair that
17:52
Speaker 2: opens up what do you call those chairs? A recliner,
17:56
Speaker 2: and like a living room set up, and then there
17:59
Speaker 2: are other rooms that I didn't see. But we're sitting
18:02
Speaker 2: at the kitchen table and she explains the process. The
18:05
Speaker 2: first thing she says is that the police will be
18:07
Speaker 2: here in about twenty minutes. I said, the police. What
18:11
Speaker 2: are the police coming for? She said, they need to
18:14
Speaker 2: check John's identity against his documents to make sure he
18:18
Speaker 2: is who he is says he is. So the police
18:22
Speaker 2: come and they check that, and they leave, and we're
18:28
Speaker 2: sitting there chit chatting. I don't remember what we talked about.
18:36
Speaker 2: I can see the whole scene. It's three years now,
18:39
Speaker 2: it's burned into my brain, but I have no idea
18:42
Speaker 2: what we talked about. And then she tells you that
18:51
Speaker 2: you take a medicine that is going to stop you
18:54
Speaker 2: from vomiting up, the medicine that's going to make you die,
19:00
Speaker 2: and that takes an half hour to take effect. And
19:04
Speaker 2: she says, you can take it down, you can take
19:07
Speaker 2: it later. There's no rush. You can spend as much
19:09
Speaker 2: time as you want today. There was no time limit
19:14
Speaker 2: that we had to be in or out of there.
19:17
Speaker 2: So John says, I'll take that medicine now. But once
19:22
Speaker 2: you take that medicine, there's a limit before it wears off.
19:28
Speaker 2: So if you'd wait too long, then you have to
19:31
Speaker 2: retake that medicine. And then she also told him that
19:36
Speaker 2: it's a very bitter. No, that's not the medicine that
19:40
Speaker 2: was bitter. The other medicine was bitter. So he took
19:43
Speaker 2: the medicine and aft and we're still sitting around this
19:45
Speaker 2: kitchen table, and then she says, the time is up.
19:50
Speaker 2: It'll be effective. Now you can choose to She said
19:57
Speaker 2: which bed do you want? And I said, well, we're
20:00
Speaker 2: going to spoon. We're going to want to I said,
20:04
Speaker 2: I want to be in bed with him. We're going
20:06
Speaker 2: to cuddle. And she said, well, then take the hospital bed.
20:09
Speaker 2: So we went to the hospital bed because he said
20:11
Speaker 2: he wanted to do it now. And my son went
20:14
Speaker 2: to another room somewhere where I didn't see. And John
20:20
Speaker 2: and I are in this bed together, and she says,
20:22
Speaker 2: the medicine is very bitter. And she said, I have
20:25
Speaker 2: Swiss chocolates here, and you can have some Swiss chocolate
20:30
Speaker 2: if you want to take away the taste of the medicine.
20:33
Speaker 2: And what he drank was five times the lethal dose
20:37
Speaker 2: of penta barbital, five times the lethal dose. So John
20:44
Speaker 2: says to me, he's got a little cup in his hand,
20:49
Speaker 2: and he says, shall I drink it now? And I
20:53
Speaker 2: shrugged my shoulders. That shrugging of my shoulders was one
20:59
Speaker 2: of the things that I have been asking myself about
21:04
Speaker 2: for three years. Wasn't there something more meaningful I could
21:10
Speaker 2: do besides shrug my shoulders? After forty one years of marriage,
21:15
Speaker 2: I shrugged my shoulders. So I'll give you an answer
21:18
Speaker 2: to that in a minute. So he decided to drink it.
21:24
Speaker 2: He took one step and he said, oh my god,
21:27
Speaker 2: this is the worst tasting thing I've ever had. Is
21:29
Speaker 2: this the last thing I'm going to have before I die?
21:33
Speaker 2: And the lady says, I told you I have Swiss
21:35
Speaker 2: chocolates here. So he grabs a handful of chocolate and
21:41
Speaker 2: stuffs it in his mouth. I mean, a sense of
21:44
Speaker 2: humor was there until the very very last last thing
21:47
Speaker 2: of his life. And he ate the chocolate and he
21:50
Speaker 2: drank the juice, the hunt of barbitol. And he laid
21:55
Speaker 2: down with his arms around me, and we were cuddled up.
21:59
Speaker 2: Under three minutes I felt his I mean under five minutes,
22:03
Speaker 2: I felt his arm drop out from underneath me. And
22:07
Speaker 2: I turned and looked at him, and he looked like
22:12
Speaker 2: he was asleep. So I put my hand on his heart,
22:20
Speaker 2: and then I put my hand on his wrist and
22:23
Speaker 2: looked for a pulse. I didn't feel any heart beating,
22:26
Speaker 2: and I didn't feel any pulse. And I turned to
22:29
Speaker 2: the lady and I said, is he dead? And she
22:33
Speaker 2: said yes. I said, well, we have to make sure.
22:36
Speaker 2: Do have a stethoscope? Says there are no stethoscopes here,
22:41
Speaker 2: and I said, well, I have to be sure. She said, Erica,
22:44
Speaker 2: he had five times a lethal dose of pantabarbital. He's gone.
22:49
Speaker 2: And I said, I'm not leaving here until I have
22:51
Speaker 2: some medical that I know he's dead. She said, well,
22:58
Speaker 2: I have a penlight. You can look at his eyes,
23:02
Speaker 2: and okay, I can do that. So I looked at
23:06
Speaker 2: his eyes and they didn't move, you know. I put
23:10
Speaker 2: the light in his eyes and they didn't move. And
23:14
Speaker 2: in the meantime, his skin was changing colors all that fast,
23:19
Speaker 2: and his hands started to be cold. To me. So
23:23
Speaker 2: I'm still sitting by his bedside, holding his hand when
23:27
Speaker 2: my son came in and he stopped abruptly at the
23:31
Speaker 2: end of the bed at a distance from us, and
23:35
Speaker 2: he said, Mom, that's not John. That doesn't look like John,
23:42
Speaker 2: which to me is like there's so many different spiritual
23:48
Speaker 2: things you can think at this point. And we confirmed
23:55
Speaker 2: that he had passed, and we had a flight to
24:02
Speaker 2: Chicago that we needed to make by it was getting
24:06
Speaker 2: late in the afternoon, and so they called a car
24:10
Speaker 2: for us, and my son and I walked out of
24:14
Speaker 2: there and got in the car and went to the airport,
24:16
Speaker 2: which is a whole other story, and now I started
24:25
Speaker 2: to fall apart. I had kept it together for years
24:33
Speaker 2: and I completely fell apart. My body fell apart. I
24:39
Speaker 2: couldn't I couldn't walk down the terminal. I had to
24:44
Speaker 2: keep stopping and stopping, and my son would turn around
24:47
Speaker 2: and say, what's wrong with you? I can't I can't move,
24:51
Speaker 2: I can't walk. I fell asleep. I would sit down
24:54
Speaker 2: in a chair. He went to get water and stickers bars.
25:00
Speaker 2: When he came back, I was sound asleep in the airport.
25:04
Speaker 2: That was the beginning of mine falling apart. So that
25:11
Speaker 2: was now, it's the first day. That was it.
25:18
Speaker 1: Erica, first of all, lots of love to you. Thank
25:24
Speaker 1: you so much for sharing such a hard decision for
25:31
Speaker 1: both of you. You as his wife, supporting him on
25:36
Speaker 1: this journey. Even though both of you were transparent about
25:42
Speaker 1: your wishes, still at the end of the road, it's
25:49
Speaker 1: still was a challenge. It still hit you.
25:53
Speaker 2: Oh, you know, throughout the two years will to twenty
26:02
Speaker 2: twenty two. I guess it was close to two years
26:05
Speaker 2: that I knew he was going to go to Switzerland.
26:08
Speaker 2: You have to go through a huge It took me
26:10
Speaker 2: seven months to document all the papers that they needed
26:15
Speaker 2: to have and do all the medical tests and everything
26:19
Speaker 2: that they needed. Took me seven months to do that.
26:22
Speaker 2: Throughout that whole time, John would say to me, are
26:27
Speaker 2: you okay with this? Are you okay with this? And
26:30
Speaker 2: I would say, John, this is your life. You get
26:34
Speaker 2: to choose what to do with your life. I'll be okay.
26:42
Speaker 2: And I meant every single word of it. But it's
26:45
Speaker 2: so much harder to do than it is to say.
26:52
Speaker 2: It's just a lot of people say things that they're
26:56
Speaker 2: going to do and they don't do them. But this
27:00
Speaker 2: was my gift to him. And yeah, it was my
27:06
Speaker 2: love for him that allowed me to go through with it.
27:14
Speaker 1: And you kept that promise to him no matter what.
27:17
Speaker 2: And yes, and I wrote a book my first year
27:23
Speaker 2: and it's called A Promise Captain.
27:27
Speaker 1: And Erica for our audience before we continue with the
27:30
Speaker 1: rest of the conversation, if they're interested, obviously in connecting
27:33
Speaker 1: with you getting a copy of your book, A Promise Kept,
27:37
Speaker 1: How can our audience connect with you, Erica.
27:40
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, there are many books on Amazon
27:44
Speaker 2: called a Promise kept. Mine is a promise kept, honoring
27:48
Speaker 2: his wishes, embracing our love. And it's by Erica backus
27:53
Speaker 2: E R I C A B A C c US
27:55
Speaker 2: and it's on Amazon dot com. It's also on Barnes
27:59
Speaker 2: and com. And if you went into a bookstore and
28:03
Speaker 2: asked for it, and if they don't have it on
28:04
Speaker 2: their shelf, they can get it for you within a
28:06
Speaker 2: couple of days. Also, my website, Ericabachis dot com has
28:14
Speaker 2: reviews of my book and has comments about the book.
28:17
Speaker 2: It has lots of information about the book and our
28:21
Speaker 2: story on my website, so they can connect with me
28:25
Speaker 2: there as well.
28:27
Speaker 1: Excellent. So for our audience obviously too, you can use
28:30
Speaker 1: AI because I'm sure if you use any type of
28:33
Speaker 1: AI software you can find Erica's book. If you don't
28:36
Speaker 1: remember the title, just google her name Erica backus and
28:39
Speaker 1: I'm sure that you will find information. Erica, We're going
28:43
Speaker 1: to be concluding the conversation soon, but I thank you
28:47
Speaker 1: so much for sharing with our audience about John, your
28:52
Speaker 1: love story, you supporting him through this difficult yet also
28:59
Speaker 1: some what confusing situation, and even three years later, I
29:06
Speaker 1: can still feel and see the love that still exists
29:11
Speaker 1: between both of you in this transition state, Erica, for
29:16
Speaker 1: our audience who's tuning in today, as we know, and
29:21
Speaker 1: I brought this up before we started the conversation, that
29:24
Speaker 1: other states New York is one of them, have recently
29:28
Speaker 1: adopted medical assist date and dying. But we both know
29:32
Speaker 1: too that it's limited to competently mentally functionable adults based
29:39
Speaker 1: on certain diagnosises, particularly probably cancer or something that requires
29:45
Speaker 1: a six months time span of you being alive. Right,
29:49
Speaker 1: for our audience today, Erica, if they want to be
29:53
Speaker 1: proactive and really see this conversation not from what a
30:00
Speaker 1: lens of controversy, but from the lens of I get
30:05
Speaker 1: to choose how I make my transition from this world.
30:11
Speaker 1: What can they do today?
30:12
Speaker 2: Erica, Well, I talk a lot about this. I think
30:18
Speaker 2: one of the most important things to do is first
30:20
Speaker 2: sit down and think about what can you live with
30:25
Speaker 2: for yourself and what can you not live with? For example,
30:30
Speaker 2: can you live in a wheelchair for twenty years? If
30:33
Speaker 2: something should happen to you, sit down and talk to
30:36
Speaker 2: your loved ones and discuss what do I want to
30:43
Speaker 2: have from the last chapter of my life, What is
30:47
Speaker 2: a good quality of life for me? And what will
30:50
Speaker 2: I accept and what will I not accept? And those
30:54
Speaker 2: things are going to change as you get older. I'm old.
30:58
Speaker 2: I'm eighty two years old, and the way I think
31:03
Speaker 2: today is not the way I thought when I got
31:06
Speaker 2: married at thirty eight. I mean, I did believe at
31:11
Speaker 2: thirty eight that I didn't want to live with Alzheimer's,
31:15
Speaker 2: but many other things have crossed my path and cross
31:18
Speaker 2: my mind. So be open to discussion. Talk about death,
31:25
Speaker 2: talk about what you want. We don't talk about it
31:30
Speaker 2: in our Western culture. We don't look at death as
31:34
Speaker 2: part of life. Death is part of life. It is
31:37
Speaker 2: the end of our life. And if you want to
31:40
Speaker 2: have what you want to have, you should plan ahead
31:42
Speaker 2: for it, and so you can. You can go to
31:46
Speaker 2: if you're looking at dementia specifically, you can go to
31:50
Speaker 2: the Alzheimer's Association. You can read you could read my book,
31:55
Speaker 2: you could and there's lots of books about death and dying,
32:00
Speaker 2: but you can do some research about is what is
32:06
Speaker 2: hospice like, and how does hospice work, what's the difference
32:10
Speaker 2: between hospice and palliative care. Medical LID and dying is
32:15
Speaker 2: available in thirteen states plus DC. So if you have
32:19
Speaker 2: cancer and a doctor says you have six months to live,
32:24
Speaker 2: and you're mentally confident, then you can die in your
32:27
Speaker 2: home using medicines like pentave barbital. So it's finding out
32:32
Speaker 2: all that information ahead of time. Have a medical directive
32:36
Speaker 2: in your will so that the doctors know what you want.
32:39
Speaker 2: I mean, it's I keep saying. We do so much
32:44
Speaker 2: planning for our younger and middle aged lives. You know,
32:48
Speaker 2: we plan down to the detail about do we want pets,
32:51
Speaker 2: do we want children? Do we want a house? You do?
32:53
Speaker 2: We want all this thame, but we don't talk about
32:56
Speaker 2: what we want for the end of our lives. And
32:59
Speaker 2: I mean, I have friends I've tried to talk to
33:02
Speaker 2: about this and it's like this go away from me.
33:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you're right, Erica, and I thank you again
33:11
Speaker 1: for giving our audience a big piece of your heart,
33:16
Speaker 1: your story, John's legacy, your book, and talking about something
33:24
Speaker 1: that is often shied away from. As you mentioned, everybody's like,
33:27
Speaker 1: oh no, here comes the death lady coming. But realistically
33:32
Speaker 1: it's about giving you options, letting you know what's out
33:36
Speaker 1: there instead of what's not available. Well, everybody that was
33:44
Speaker 1: miss Erica Bacchus that you heard from today on this
33:48
Speaker 1: episode A grew a portie. And that concludes our conversation
33:52
Speaker 1: and until next time, everybody piece and har grease everyone,
34:04
Speaker 1: e