Latest / Rock My Finances / The Seven Money Wounds Series-Security – What If No Amount of Money Ever Feels Like Enough?

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The Seven Money Wounds Series-Security – What If No Amount of Money Ever Feels Like Enough? · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on K4HD Radio
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  Speaker 2: and Talk4TV, where we put the fun in finance. Join
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  Speaker 2: powerhouse Jennifer Jost, CDFA, CMC, and private wealth advisor, as
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  Speaker 2: she collaborates with you to create clarity, control, and confidence
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  Speaker 2: with your money, your way. It's not about the zeros.
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  Speaker 2: So what is it all about? Let's find out. Now,
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  Speaker 2: here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jost.
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  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Rock My Finances. I'm very excited for
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  Speaker 1: you to be here. This is part of the Seven
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  Speaker 1: Money Wounds series. We are going to be talking about
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  Speaker 1: security today. What if no amount of money ever makes
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  Speaker 1: you feel like it's enough and you just don't feel secure?
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  Speaker 1: What if your search for security is actually creating more insecurity?
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  Speaker 1: Here's something we don't talk about enough. What are you
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  Speaker 1: looking for every day? If you're constantly looking for evidence
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  Speaker 1: that something could go wrong, you'll probably find it. You
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  Speaker 1: watch the market, you're looking at interest rates, you might
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  Speaker 1: be looking at your bank account, you might be talking
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  Speaker 1: about somebody negative at work or somebody negative in your family,
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  Speaker 1: and you just keep recreating the negativity around you. Maybe
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  Speaker 1: you hear about somebody losing their job, and then you
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  Speaker 1: immediately wonder, did that happen to me? You hear about
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  Speaker 1: somebody running out of money in retirement, Maybe you think,
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  Speaker 1: oh my God, what happens if that happens to me?
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  Speaker 1: You may call this being prepared, but at some point,
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  Speaker 1: preparation can become rehearsing disaster over and over and over again.
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  Speaker 1: And the more you rehearse disaster, the harder it becomes
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  Speaker 1: to feel secure, even when you very well could be secure.
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  Speaker 1: So I am a big believer of law of attraction.
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  Speaker 1: We're If you believe in law of attraction or if
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  Speaker 1: you know what it's about, basically, it's one of the
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  Speaker 1: laws of the universe. What you put out, you get back.
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  Speaker 1: Vice versa. Nothing new, right? So what we put out,
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  Speaker 1: we get back. So if we put out positivity, we're
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  Speaker 1: going to get positivity back. We put out negativity, guess what, y'all?
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  Speaker 1: We're going to get negativity back. So I believe there's
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  Speaker 1: something very powerful in law of attraction. But I want
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  Speaker 1: to really just take it a little bit deeper here.
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  Speaker 1: Thinking positive thoughts to make good things happen. Okay, that's great.
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  Speaker 1: And ask yourself, what future am I mentally rehearsing every day?
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  Speaker 1: Because I also believe in what our thoughts manifest and
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  Speaker 1: our words create. We need to be aware of our
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  Speaker 1: thoughts and we need to be aware of our words.
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  Speaker 1: So if we're thinking, I don't want to lose money.
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to run out of money. I don't
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  Speaker 1: want to lose money in the market. I don't want
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  Speaker 1: to lose my job. I don't want to become dependent
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  Speaker 1: on my children. Notice every one of those thoughts. is
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  Speaker 1: centered around loss. So you're actually saying that you want
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  Speaker 1: security while mentally practicing insecurity all day long, the fear
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  Speaker 1: of loss, right? So let's change this question. Instead of asking,
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  Speaker 1: how do I make sure that I never run out
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  Speaker 1: of money? Let's ask ourselves, what would my life look
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  Speaker 1: like if I genuinely believed that I had enough today?
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  Speaker 1: How would financially How would financial security look like to me?
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  Speaker 1: How would that feel? How would I behave if I
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  Speaker 1: actually felt financially secure? Maybe what would I stop doing?
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  Speaker 1: Maybe what I start doing? What discussion would you have
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  Speaker 1: differently today? Now, this isn't pretending that you have money
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  Speaker 1: when you don't have money. The numbers still matter. They're
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  Speaker 1: still accurate. They're still there. And they're still reality. I'm
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  Speaker 1: talking about getting out of reality to a certain extent.
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  Speaker 1: Let's make your plan so that the actual plan is
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  Speaker 1: going to come to fruition. This is about becoming aware
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  Speaker 1: whether your thoughts and behaviors are aligned with the life
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  Speaker 1: that you're actually trying to create, the plan that you're
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  Speaker 1: trying to create, the security and stability that you're trying
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  Speaker 1: to create. Do your words match that? Do your thoughts
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  Speaker 1: match that? Because we can ruminate. I don't know about y'all,
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  Speaker 1: but monkey mind goes crazy in here, right? And then
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  Speaker 1: some of us have the wonderful trait of going more
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  Speaker 1: and more and more and more and more. And we
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  Speaker 1: just continue to spiral. Anybody heard that word before, right?
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  Speaker 1: And it's usually not a good spiral when we would
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  Speaker 1: love it to be a good spiral because the more
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  Speaker 1: good you think about, the more good is going to
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  Speaker 1: come back. Okay, so we're going to talk about number
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  Speaker 1: one hidden tool that we're unaware of. We're going to
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  Speaker 1: stop affirming what we don't want. Now, let me say
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  Speaker 1: that in the correct way. We're going to start affirming
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  Speaker 1: what we do want. right? Let's take the negativity out.
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  Speaker 1: So here's one that may surprise you. When we affirm
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  Speaker 1: things all day long without, we actually don't even realize
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  Speaker 1: that we're actually doing it. Everything is so expensive, like complaining.
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  Speaker 1: Like I just said this, like, oh, beef. I just
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  Speaker 1: said it about beef. I'm like, oh my gosh, beef
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  Speaker 1: is so expensive right now. Then I just created another
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  Speaker 1: groove in my subconscious telling myself that things are expensive.
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  Speaker 1: And then that groove goes even to a step one of,
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  Speaker 1: can I afford that? Then that one says, how much
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  Speaker 1: longer can I afford that? And can I afford that
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  Speaker 1: all my life, right? Like our brain just keeps going.
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  Speaker 1: And maybe you're saying, I just, I can't afford that. Well,
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  Speaker 1: I'll never be able to retire. I have to keep working.
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  Speaker 1: I can't lose this money. I'm terrified of another 2008
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  Speaker 1: market crash. Say something, we're saying something often enough, and
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  Speaker 1: it eventually sounds like the truth to us. So if
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  Speaker 1: we say it, Over and over and over again, we
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  Speaker 1: start to believe it. So for one week, here's your homework.
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  Speaker 1: I love it. Become a detective of your own language.
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  Speaker 1: Every time you make a statement about money, write it down.
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  Speaker 1: Don't change it just yet. Just catch it. First step
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  Speaker 1: is awareness, right? Of everything. At the end of the week,
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  Speaker 1: if somebody listens to everything that I said about money
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  Speaker 1: this week, would they believe I was creating security or
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  Speaker 1: preparing for scarcity? So we're going to write everything down
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  Speaker 1: that we say all week. Then we're going to look
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  Speaker 1: at it and go, okay, so when it was to
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  Speaker 1: look at all these words that I used, are they
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  Speaker 1: actually on the right track or are they kind of
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  Speaker 1: getting more on the insecurity track or the scarcity track?
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  Speaker 1: So I hope you enjoyed that homework. It's going to
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  Speaker 1: be really good. Okay. The scarcity paradox. Here's something fascinating.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes the more money we accumulate, the more frightened we
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  Speaker 1: become of losing it. This happens all the time. Think
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  Speaker 1: about it. When you had very little, maybe there wasn't
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  Speaker 1: even that much to protect. Like it was easy. It
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  Speaker 1: came in, it went out. It came in, it went out.
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  Speaker 1: And instead of fear of it shrinking, your fear grows
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  Speaker 1: right along with the money when it comes in. Like
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  Speaker 1: more money, more fear. I actually played this game once
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  Speaker 1: with some clients that we received $ 1, 000 a day, every day.
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  Speaker 1: And you had to spend that $ 1, 000 before you went
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  Speaker 1: to bed that night. You could not give it away.
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  Speaker 1: You cannot do charity. You cannot save it up to
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  Speaker 1: buy something. And then the next day you got 2,000.
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  Speaker 1: The next day you got 3,000. The next day you
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  Speaker 1: got 4,000, as you see, right? So we do this
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  Speaker 1: for like 30 days. I don't even think I've ever
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  Speaker 1: gotten all the way to the 30 days. And because,
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  Speaker 1: you know, 28,000 that day, you got to spend that, right?
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  Speaker 1: And so it's kind of fun in the beginning because
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  Speaker 1: you're really buying, you know, everything that you think that
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  Speaker 1: you need right now, which is fun. And that's great.
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  Speaker 1: And then it kind of gets you in that training
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  Speaker 1: thought of money And then it's like, okay, now I've
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  Speaker 1: bought everything that I thought of. Now I need to
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  Speaker 1: go shopping. So now what else would I actually buy? Right? 8,000, 9,000, 10,000, 11,000, 12,000.
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  Speaker 1: So it's really fun. And you got to be in
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  Speaker 1: the right frame of mind for it as well. So
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  Speaker 1: I actually had some clients get nervous. So once they
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  Speaker 1: got beyond a certain dollar amount and everybody has their
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  Speaker 1: own magic number, they were already creating again, fear and anxiety.
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  Speaker 1: Let's think about it. This was a game. This is
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  Speaker 1: a make-believe fantasy game that we were just playing. No
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  Speaker 1: one's giving you $ 1, 000, but we literally were taking on
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  Speaker 1: this every day. We'd have to report what we bought
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  Speaker 1: that day with our money. And we literally had a
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  Speaker 1: few people get scared and start bringing in fear. Like,
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  Speaker 1: I don't even know how I'm going to spend this money.
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  Speaker 1: And now I'm afraid someone's going to take this money.
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  Speaker 1: I'm getting this money every single day. I need to
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  Speaker 1: protect it. And some people did buy security. I did.
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  Speaker 1: I bought a safety. Like some people bought security stuff
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  Speaker 1: to protect the money that was coming in. Isn't that
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  Speaker 1: amazing how our brains go to protect us? It's crazy.
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  Speaker 1: So play that game. It's really fun. But how much
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  Speaker 1: of your wealth is going to grow before you start
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  Speaker 1: wanting to shrink it? Because your fear is going to
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  Speaker 1: grow right along with it. So maybe the question isn't
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  Speaker 1: just simply how much do I need to feel safe?
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  Speaker 1: Maybe it's how much of my identity and emotional safety
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  Speaker 1: Have I handed over to this bank account balance, right?
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  Speaker 1: Because if your piece rises and falls every time your
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  Speaker 1: net worth changes, money isn't serving you anymore. You're serving
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  Speaker 1: the money. I don't know about you, but I get
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  Speaker 1: caught up in this all the time. And I've been
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  Speaker 1: in money for decades. Okay. Hidden tool number two. Your
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  Speaker 1: enough number has two numbers. Your enough number has two numbers.
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  Speaker 1: So I like to call it your magic number. Most
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  Speaker 1: financial planners, most financial planning focuses on one number. How
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  Speaker 1: much do you need? I want you to create a
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  Speaker 1: second number. How much are you willing to enjoy? Isn't
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  Speaker 1: that great? So when I'm doing my financial planning, I
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  Speaker 1: have our basic needs that are essentials. That's bucket one
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  Speaker 1: essentials that I have discretionary, which means you get to
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  Speaker 1: spend it how you want it, you know, travel, hobbies,
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  Speaker 1: whatever you want to do. So we have two buckets
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  Speaker 1: when I work with people in financial planning. So I
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  Speaker 1: want you to do this. So you're going to have
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  Speaker 1: number one, how much do you really need? And then
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  Speaker 1: how much are you willing to enjoy? Add a zero
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  Speaker 1: onto that and play with it. This is just a
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  Speaker 1: game in our subconscious, in our fantasy world. Enjoy it.
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  Speaker 1: So maybe your plan might be, I could spend 10,000
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  Speaker 1: a month and you're living on 6,000 right now because
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  Speaker 1: spending more makes you anxious. That $ 4, 000 a month tells
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  Speaker 1: us something. I'm not telling you to go spend it.
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  Speaker 1: I'm asking, why aren't you spending it? Is it because
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  Speaker 1: you genuinely don't think that you want to lose it?
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  Speaker 1: Are you worried about losing it? Do you still want
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  Speaker 1: to save? Or do you generally think that you could
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  Speaker 1: be just feeling unsafe by spending that extra money? I've
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  Speaker 1: had several clients like this, that they have a plan.
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  Speaker 1: They've been working with me for years. They've been good.
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  Speaker 1: They've been good. All we're doing now is adding on
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  Speaker 1: to more money that they're going to be able to
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  Speaker 1: spend in retirement, but they're saving it now. So they're
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  Speaker 1: not really living now. They're not doing vacations. They're not splurging.
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  Speaker 1: They're not doing a lot of things. And it's like, okay, let's,
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  Speaker 1: I told you, you're good. You're all good. Here's the numbers.
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  Speaker 1: I work it out with them so they can see everything,
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  Speaker 1: but they still feel unsafe. That's when we go into
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  Speaker 1: the coaching mode and say, okay, let's go back to
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  Speaker 1: your childhood. Let's go back to what's going on. Why
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  Speaker 1: are we not feeling safe around this? So if your
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  Speaker 1: financial plan can tell you where you can spend your
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  Speaker 1: money wound of scarcity or money wound of security might
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  Speaker 1: be allowing you to spend much less. So the secret
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  Speaker 1: rules we make with money, most of us have invisible
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  Speaker 1: money rules. Did you know that you got invisible money rules? Yes.
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  Speaker 1: And we never even write them down. We might notice
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  Speaker 1: them here and there, but let's write these down. So
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  Speaker 1: nobody formally taught us money, but our money wounds and
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  Speaker 1: our rules that are running in the background, but they
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  Speaker 1: are running in our lives anyways. Number one, I must
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  Speaker 1: always have more than I need. We've been taught that.
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  Speaker 1: I can say I've heard that all the time growing up.
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  Speaker 1: Never spend everything that you have. right? Can't touch the principle.
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  Speaker 1: You remember that? Can't touch the principle. Debt is always dangerous. Well,
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  Speaker 1: that's completely inaccurate. And that could be running in your background.
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  Speaker 1: Debt is always dangerous. Leveraging other people's money is an
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  Speaker 1: absolute way to get wealth. Absolutely. So debt is not
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  Speaker 1: always dangerous. Bad debt is bad debt. Good debt is
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  Speaker 1: good debt. Spending money on myself is so selfish. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So being a single mom for many, many years, That's
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  Speaker 1: in the back of my head all the time. Like
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  Speaker 1: still even to today, like I'd much rather spend it
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  Speaker 1: on my kids than myself. Crazy. And can I spend
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  Speaker 1: on my children, but not myself? We kind of have
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  Speaker 1: to tell ourselves this, right? I have to leave my
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  Speaker 1: children a certain amount. I could have been way back
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  Speaker 1: in the get go, right? I need to leave my
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  Speaker 1: children money. A lot of clients come to me in
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  Speaker 1: the beginning. And when I started with them, we were,
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  Speaker 1: you know, college planning. And, you know, they were just
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  Speaker 1: getting into their careers and making money. And so they
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  Speaker 1: would want the college funded before they started saving for
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  Speaker 1: the retirement. That's like, no one is going to fund
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  Speaker 1: your retirement. You can get loans and college loans in
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  Speaker 1: case you can't completely fund it. So let's put the
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  Speaker 1: perspective where it needs to be. You know what I mean?
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  Speaker 1: It's like, I know we always think that, but we
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  Speaker 1: don't know what's going to happen in the future. So
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  Speaker 1: let's do both. So we always do planning first. according
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  Speaker 1: to each individual person, but parents always think of children first.
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  Speaker 1: So if I'm not, here's another thought. If I'm not earning,
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  Speaker 1: I'm going backwards. So here's your coaching question. Who made
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  Speaker 1: all these rules? Was it you? Was it your mother?
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  Speaker 1: Was it your father? Was it your ex-husband? Was it
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  Speaker 1: your grandparents? Was it your caretakers? Was it your financial advisor?
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  Speaker 1: The scared 25 year old version of you. Did she
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  Speaker 1: make some of these rules? And here's the bigger question.
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  Speaker 1: does that rule still belong to you today? So one
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  Speaker 1: of my rules was work hard, make money. Is that,
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  Speaker 1: I got that from my childhood, 100%. My parents were entrepreneurs,
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  Speaker 1: worked every day. So is that my rule? Absolutely not.
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  Speaker 1: I had to kick that rule to the curb and
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  Speaker 1: cut back and take care of myself and my nervous
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  Speaker 1: system and meditate and touch my spirituality every day and
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  Speaker 1: take care of myself and my money wounds and my
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  Speaker 1: past hurts and damage and trauma and everything in order
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  Speaker 1: for me to make more money. And that's actually what happened.
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  Speaker 1: The year I worked, the less I've ever worked, the
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  Speaker 1: least amount I've ever worked, I doubled my income. So
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  Speaker 1: working hard to make money isn't necessarily true. So we
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  Speaker 1: have to look back at these statements that come up
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  Speaker 1: in our head and we need to find them, first
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  Speaker 1: of all, and then say, okay, is that us? Is
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  Speaker 1: that what we want? So now then you get to
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: choose those hidden subconscious rules. Mine is my money is
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  Speaker 1: making money while I sleep. Another one is money is
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  Speaker 1: coming to me easily and effortlessly. Sometimes I can believe that.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes I can't. I love this one. Everything that I've
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  Speaker 1: ever dreamed of, it's on its way and it's almost here, right?
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  Speaker 1: Like you have to believe your statements. You can't just say,
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to be a millionaire overnight. Like your subconscious
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  Speaker 1: has to believe that. If you believe that, that's great,
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  Speaker 1: but you have to believe it. Hidden tool number three.
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  Speaker 1: I love this one. The permission slip. This one sounds simple,
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  Speaker 1: but it can get very emotional. If you let yourself
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  Speaker 1: go there, write this sentence out. If I truly knew
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  Speaker 1: I was financially safe, I would give myself permission to blank.
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  Speaker 1: If I truly knew I was financially safe, I'd give
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  Speaker 1: myself permission to like finish it quickly. I wouldn't, I
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  Speaker 1: would give myself permission to travel. I would give myself
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  Speaker 1: permission to retire early. I'd give myself permission to work less.
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  Speaker 1: I'd give myself permission to take my sick days. I'd
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  Speaker 1: give myself permission to buy my second house on the beach.
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  Speaker 1: I'd give myself permission to sell my house and buy
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: another one. I'd give myself permission to help my daughter,
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  Speaker 1: to help my son, stop helping my children. I'd give
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  Speaker 1: myself permission to hire an assistant, to hire a house manager,
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  Speaker 1: maybe to take Fridays off, spend money on myself, leave
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  Speaker 1: a job I hate, start a new business, my side hustle.
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  Speaker 1: I'd give myself permission to sit still. I'd give myself
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  Speaker 1: permission to take the time to learn to meditate. Your
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  Speaker 1: answer may reveal something very, very important to you that
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  Speaker 1: your financial plan never will. I can do numbers all
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  Speaker 1: day long, but this is where the gold is. We
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  Speaker 1: really want to know what's running us on the inside.
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  Speaker 1: Then ask yourself, what am I willing? I'm sorry. What
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  Speaker 1: am I waiting for before I give myself this permission?
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  Speaker 1: Do you need another 10,000, another a hundred thousand, another million,
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  Speaker 1: someone else's approval, maybe a guarantee. And there are no guarantees.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we're waiting for a future version of ourselves. to
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: finally say yes to a life that we already could
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: be living now. So here's where it is. Law of
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: attraction meets action. Now, here's where I think people sometimes
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: misunderstand manifestation. Invisibilizing absolutely is beautiful and I love it all,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: but it isn't enough. We have to be aware of
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: our mental contrasting and what is holding us back. The negativity, basically.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: So your vision, I want to feel safe and peaceful
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: and secure about money. Internal obstacles. Every time the market falls,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm freaking out. New response. When I
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: feel that urge, I will look at my long-term plan
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: before I react. Just come up with the next statement
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: that's going to help you when the negativity shows up. Okay?
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Here's another one. I want to enjoy the wealth I've created.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Your internal obstacle is spending money on myself makes me
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: feel guilty. Our new response. When guilt appears, I will
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: ask myself, is this purchase financially irresponsible or or emotionally uncomfortable.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: That's very different. So we're also going to try this
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: 24-hour security experiment. I love this one. For one day,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: emotionally pretend like you're okay. Don't change your investments. Don't
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: do anything crazy. Just know yourself. How would you move
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: through one ordinary day if you were not worried about money?
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: What would you buy differently? Would you work more? Would
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: you work late? Would you be present at dinner? Just
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: think about it. What did financial finance fear normally feel
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: from you every day that on this one day that
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: you're giving yourself complete permission to do whatever you want,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: you actually get that back today. Be aware of that.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: We actually want to be aware of that because that's
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: going to tell us where your work is so that
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: you actually can step into this wonderful feeling of actually
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: being secure. We all want to be secure and feel
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: stable around our money. And it's so important to do that. Okay,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: so I hope you enjoy all of these tips and
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: tricks and these hidden tools that I've given you in
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: the homework because I want you to be able to
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: watch these episodes, listen to them, re-listen to them, download them,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: everything you need to do and do this homework because
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: I want you to be able to walk away from
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: the Rock My Finance podcast to be able to say,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: I rock my finances.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: We appreciate you joining us today. And don't forget to
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: subscribe to the Rock My Finances YouTube channel for more
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: engagement and bonus content. Tell me, what is your money story?
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K4HD Radio
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: and Talk4TV. It's not about the zero. It's about the
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: F word, feelings. Feelings Jennifer can't wait to explore with
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: you next week. Until then, let's all say, I rock
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: my finances.