Latest / The Table with Anthony ONeal / Married Expert Warns: If Your Partner Does This With Money, Your Relationship Won't Last

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Married Expert Warns: If Your Partner Does This With Money, Your Relationship Won't Last · The Table with Anthony ONeal

0:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Dr. Reed, welcome to the table, man.
0:02
[SPEAKER_02]: What's up, man?
0:03
[SPEAKER_02]: You all want to get into it.
0:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Because today's Valentine's Day, when these videos come and go out.
0:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So this is a special way.
0:12
[SPEAKER_02]: This is the only relationship show I would do the entire year of 2026.
0:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
0:16
[SPEAKER_02]: But we don't talk about money and relationships and relationships stuff like that for this special day of Valentine's Day.
0:25
[SPEAKER_02]: But I gotta be honest with you, I'm front.
0:29
[SPEAKER_02]: In today's society, man, everybody in our mom is a relationship expert.
0:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Of course.
0:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I would even say and correct me if I'm wrong.
0:39
[SPEAKER_02]: 85 to 90% maybe of the well known relationship podcast on relationship voices are single.
0:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
0:51
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a couple out there who are married like yourself, our sea blakes.
1:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Heck, I even say tone the gas.
1:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
1:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Why should we
1:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Like what, what makes Doc Reed unique?
1:12
[SPEAKER_02]: and a thought leader in his space.
1:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Because one thing people call me a creator in the money space.
1:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And I say, no, I'm a thought leader in the money space.
1:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Why should people listen to you today and a conversation we're going to have?
1:25
[SPEAKER_02]: What makes you credible in this space?
1:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
1:27
[SPEAKER_01]: As we were correct, great question.
1:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Aside from being married 30 years, wow, together total 32 years.
1:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
1:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, been relationship coaching.
1:40
[SPEAKER_01]: nonstop since 2011.
1:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
1:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've seen the good, bad and ugly in terms of what's going on out in the streets and even in my own relationship.
1:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so glad you started there because I personally have a big issue.
1:58
[SPEAKER_01]: with a lot of the advice that's being given.
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm a family guy.
2:02
[SPEAKER_01]: To me, it ain't even about the relationships, you know, men and women, it's about the family.
2:08
[SPEAKER_01]: To me, that takes a back seat nowadays.
2:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm seeing the disintegration of the family.
2:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So when we have people out here saying that, you know, so many fluency are saying, men are bad.
2:20
[SPEAKER_01]: saying, they're saying, on me, it's play too many games.
2:22
[SPEAKER_01]: They ain't no good men out here.
2:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know aunt, you hear that, man.
2:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, wait a minute.
2:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no, how are you going to just say?
2:28
[SPEAKER_01]: But didn't some influence or say, all women are bad.
2:31
[SPEAKER_01]: All these modern women, man.
2:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't satisfy them.
2:34
[SPEAKER_01]: They don't know what they want.
2:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
2:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Eight million people.
2:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, eight billion people on the planet ain't no good single, men and women.
2:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And then who stands to benefit?
2:49
[SPEAKER_01]: from this narrative, because I can tell you this, and no hate, but the platforms, they profit off promoting pain, yes, not peace, okay?
3:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It is what it is.
3:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So that if, if I pour a salt in your womb, that's gonna give me the clicks.
3:05
[SPEAKER_01]: That's gonna give me the followers.
3:07
[SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time, my thing is, the person giving advice, have you ever been in a good relationship?
3:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And are you in one now?
3:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, let me ask you this and you take a financial advice from broke people.
3:22
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
3:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Why not?
3:24
[SPEAKER_01]: They have a price.
3:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so it broke.
3:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
3:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would I take relationship with Vice from broken people?
3:30
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a fact.
3:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would I do it?
3:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Because when you talk about what gives you credibility, why should we listen to you?
3:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to use an analogy.
3:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
3:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You ever put together Ikea furniture?
3:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
3:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so you got a thousand pieces piece ABC right so it's supposed to be easy You put them together, but for some reason when I get it
3:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Package J, and then screws is missing.
3:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm sitting up there trying to figure out what is this thing, you got the slump stuff.
3:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So what do we do?
3:59
[SPEAKER_01]: We go on YouTube and I need to find somebody that's had this problem and fixed it.
4:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So in the relationship, I don't really need you to be telling me out here why all men are bad, all women are bad.
4:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me how you went through the problem and you fixed it.
4:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
4:20
[SPEAKER_01]: My wife and I, we've been through problems and in 30 years we know how to fix it.
4:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't only love my wife after 32 years, I like my wife.
4:33
[SPEAKER_01]: When I tell you Anthony, brother, I love being here with you doing this interview.
4:38
[SPEAKER_01]: But I want to get home man, I miss my wife.
4:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to go home.
4:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So, if anybody listening to this, if you've had that experience, then you can speak to me.
4:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And let me just humble myself, all right.
4:56
[SPEAKER_01]: When I was in my early 20s, I just got married.
5:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Wow.
5:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I was working for this lady, and
5:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I told her, I said, she's probably in her mid 50s, late 50s, and I told her that I wanted to help people with relationships, and I'm not going to say she laughed at me, but she kind of like chuckle, and my feelings was hurt, I'm like, how dare you, you know, crap on the fact that I want to help people.
5:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
5:24
[SPEAKER_01]: But as a 54 year old man today,
5:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I understand why she chugged.
5:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Son, you've been married two seconds.
5:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You ain't been through nothing.
5:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So what are you going to tell me in your twenties that you're going to help me as a 50-something-year-old woman?
5:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I get it.
5:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So like I said, at that time, even though I wanted to help.
5:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love anybody that wants to come out here and help.
5:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you made a lot of bad mistakes, just tell us the mistakes that you made, so you can say, don't do this.
5:55
[SPEAKER_01]: But don't tell me how to fix the furniture that you've never learned how to fix yourself.
5:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to thank my friends over at BetterHelp for sponsoring today's show.
6:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You see, as men, we're taught to keep it all together.
6:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Never saw any weakness in this interview.
6:07
[SPEAKER_02]: have no everything on our own.
6:09
[SPEAKER_02]: To see I get it asking for help can feel like admitting to failure.
6:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Therapy?
6:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, isn't that for someone else?
6:15
[SPEAKER_02]: But, here's what I've learned.
6:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You see, real shit comes from doing whatever it takes to be the best virgin of yourself.
6:22
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6:28
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6:31
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6:37
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6:43
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6:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, did you know that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every single year?
6:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And most of it goes undiagnosed because we don't want to admit that we're struggling with something.
6:56
[SPEAKER_02]: But here's the truth.
6:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Taking care of your mental health isn't weakness.
7:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It's actually wisdom.
7:01
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7:05
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7:18
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7:27
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7:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Better yet go to better help.com slash a oh again That's better help.com slash a Alright, let's get back to today's show
7:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry, man, I get on a platform, I'm gone.
7:48
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
8:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I told some of them, I said, Brad, unfollow you because some of your relationship advice as a single person is going to keep me single, and so I had to back up.
8:26
[SPEAKER_02]: get connected with people like yourself, right?
8:29
[SPEAKER_02]: People like R.C.
8:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Blake, as I said, people like my pastor, pastor Stephen, and Zai Chandler.
8:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And all of you all have really been a whole to me accountable and checking me and getting things out of me that needs to get out.
8:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So I could be a healthy version of myself first that would then be reciprocated for my wife.
8:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
8:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And for my children and forever, if I remember blessed I have children.
8:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.
8:56
[SPEAKER_02]: some of these relationship experts, I don't get that from them.
9:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
9:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I get, well, men need to do this and women need to do this.
9:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's like you said, there was no good man in there.
9:06
[SPEAKER_02]: There's no good women.
9:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And I feel like the majority of them put specifically black men and black women against each other.
9:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And we're not uplifting each other.
9:16
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, well, dang, man, like, I don't want that.
9:22
[SPEAKER_02]: 75% 80% of the reason why I'm saying was because of me and my stupid choices.
9:28
[SPEAKER_02]: The other 20% to 25% was because of the unhealthy voices in my life.
9:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is why I wanted to have the conversation which you don't love day because
9:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I think a lot of people are hurt today.
9:41
[SPEAKER_02]: They are.
9:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll tell you this, a lot of, especially women hate this day.
9:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's a trigger day.
9:48
[SPEAKER_02]: No, it is.
9:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know, even for myself being single is a trigger day because like man Anthony, why did it take you so long to mature?
9:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Why did it take you so long to get rid of the in maturity and the dumb thinking around relationships?
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And I got to live with my mistakes.
10:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Something I got to own my mistakes.
10:10
[SPEAKER_02]: All I could do was just make better ones moving forward.
10:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I said something a year ago and I want to get your thoughts on this as a relationship expert who's been married for 30 years.
10:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
10:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I told men, men specifically because I believe that we got a whole man accountable.
10:28
[SPEAKER_02]: On a percent, because if, as a Christian perspective, we are the head of our homes, exactly.
10:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And I told men like, hey,
10:38
[SPEAKER_02]: when you're in a relationship and especially when you're married that all men should be striving to make at least six figures or more to provide a healthy life for their wife and for their family.
10:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I got attacked.
10:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I got attacked by men because they felt as if what we should be doing 50-50.
11:00
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, if that's my partner, she should be helping me provide for what is ours.
11:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, um, men were saying that I am, was it what's what it called it, uh, Symphing for women.
11:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah, yeah.
11:16
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, but being married for 30 years, having a family,
11:23
[SPEAKER_02]: What's your thoughts on my suggestion?
11:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Because my suggestion wasn't relationship advice.
11:30
[SPEAKER_02]: It was based upon what the average family needs to survive, what the average family needs to build a legacy.
11:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I believe that the weight should be on the man.
11:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Not all of it, but at least the majority of the weight should be on the man to where the woman
11:48
[SPEAKER_02]: can do exactly what she's called to do, be a helpmate in my opinion.
11:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
11:54
[SPEAKER_02]: But again, you're the relationship expert.
11:56
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you think?
11:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say based off the women that I've talked to, they would greatly appreciate that perspective.
12:06
[SPEAKER_01]: They wouldn't necessarily demand it,
12:19
[SPEAKER_01]: because I want to go somewhere else, because I want to lay proper foundation because I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I answer the question, but when we talk about relationships, the one of the reasons that you're getting pushback is because in my opinion, people really don't understand the totality of relationships.
12:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So in other words, when you come in and you ask a specific question,
12:47
[SPEAKER_01]: that's almost like coming in at the middle of brain surgery and somebody's saying well why did you cut that or might you make that incision right there but you don't understand the whole concept of it right so you got an opinion on it but you really don't understand the fundamentals of it so let me let me break it down yeah
13:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And because of this particular day, I want to give people things, practical things that they can walk away with, and they can feel like as I move towards relationships and getting married, I feel like I got something that's going to put me ahead of the game.
13:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So let me start here, because I'll say that you probably triggered some people.
13:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I did.
13:32
[SPEAKER_01]: With that question.
13:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And so this plays a huge part in relationships, meaning triggers.
13:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember I had a buddy asked me, uh, he said, how are you supposed to know?
13:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I hear people talking about being healed all the time.
13:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You're supposed to know that you're healed.
13:53
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like somebody saying, I'm made it.
13:56
[SPEAKER_01]: What's I made it?
13:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm successful.
13:58
[SPEAKER_01]: What is that?
13:59
[SPEAKER_01]: That's different.
14:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So I said, you know, I said, don't question.
14:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So what I did, I said, let me think of something to tell him that will make it concrete.
14:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I came up with, I called the Dr. E. Trigger Scale.
14:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, and this applies to relationships, money, anything, right?
14:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So I say that in the Corn Lake correlates with the grades we got in school, ABCDF.
14:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah.
14:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you get an A on the trigger scale, that means that your triggers don't bother you.
14:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
14:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You have a send it to the Holy of Holy.
14:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
14:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
14:31
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like to Jesus level.
14:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Wow.
14:33
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
14:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You get a B if
14:36
[SPEAKER_01]: You have some triggers you to wrestle with, okay?
14:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you're like, you fighting with that thing, like Jacob in the wilderness.
14:44
[SPEAKER_01]: But you respond.
14:46
[SPEAKER_01]: you don't react.
14:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, the clarity response is the positive action that you take reaction is negative.
14:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
14:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, you get a C. Most of us probably live in the C. That is, we respond more than react.
15:01
[SPEAKER_01]: We react.
15:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, we might not react a lot.
15:03
[SPEAKER_01]: It may be once every blue moon, but sometimes, you know, maybe somebody catches a fade.
15:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
15:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
15:10
[SPEAKER_01]: They just get you out of character, right?
15:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
15:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, that's all healthy.
15:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Anything seeing above, okay, let's talk about if you failing.
15:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You're failing if you get a D, and you react more than you respond, okay, and you get an F, you just flag it out if you only react it.
15:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe those are narcissists.
15:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
15:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So even if you look at this question that you ask the triggers on people,
15:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Why did it trigger them?
15:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, maybe they might fall somewhere on that scale that may not be healthy.
15:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, maybe they do, I don't know, but you can also look at that and you can say, where am I?
15:51
[SPEAKER_01]: As I look at going to into a relationship, am I healthy?
15:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when somebody comes into your life, you can see where they are on the trigger scale and see if they have healthy.
16:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's make it very practical.
16:05
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
16:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So I tell people, if you want to be in relationships and you want to have the best type of relationship, I got a formula.
16:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
16:14
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
16:15
[SPEAKER_01]: The formula is focus on you.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, that's not like, earth shattering, that's not like, oh my God, this guy's opened, but you isn't acronym, okay?
16:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So real quick, the why is,
16:34
[SPEAKER_01]: stands for yourself.
16:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
16:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
16:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
16:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Work on your self.
16:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, this comes in the play even with money.
16:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
16:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Before you want to bring somebody else into the situation, you want to find out, okay, what are you disciplined as you need to be with money?
16:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you out here just spending?
16:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
16:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you paid all student loans?
16:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you done all the things to prepare for saying, mate, I'll ask you this.
16:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, first I'll say this.
17:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I tell people that whatever happened to you before
17:03
[SPEAKER_01]: you and you was a child or whatever.
17:05
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not your fault.
17:07
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not your fault.
17:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever they did, whatever.
17:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I'm not in the just blaming parents.
17:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, parents did the best they knew how to do, but you know, people make mistakes.
17:15
[SPEAKER_01]: But you are responsible now for fixing it.
17:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
17:18
[SPEAKER_01]: On your watch.
17:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
17:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, let me ask you this.
17:21
[SPEAKER_01]: If you, let's do you have any rental property?
17:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
17:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so say you saw a piece of property and you say, you know, my body, the price is really good, but the person who had it before you trashed it.
17:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you got to put new carpet in there, they put holes in the wall, drywall, you got to do some plumbing, but you like once I flip it, you know, I'm gonna make, you know, some good money on this.
17:41
[SPEAKER_01]: But would you put a winner in there and not do the work?
17:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely not.
17:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so let me ask you this Anthony.
17:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would we bring someone into our life?
17:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And we have not fixed and worked on our rejection and our abandonment issues, our shame, our guilt, our depression, our anxiety.
18:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would we do that?
18:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
18:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's say you are.
18:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.
18:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Because a lot of times, we use a relationship as a buffer to medicate ourselves.
18:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
18:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It is like comfort food.
18:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:25
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when you feel in bed, whatever you can go get you some chips and some candy bars, some soda, and it'll help you feel good in a moment.
18:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what happens every time I get comfort food and I skip dinner, I get that quick high, and then
18:41
[SPEAKER_02]: fat.
18:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sweet.
18:43
[SPEAKER_01]: It brings you crashing down.
18:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you know what?
18:46
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times we lead with desperation.
18:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
18:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Not preparation.
18:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir.
18:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've never heard anybody male prep junk food.
18:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I say out my chips, I lay out my 10 bars in my soda for the week.
19:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
19:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what we have to understand, man, is that relationship ain't gonna save you from you.
19:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So you gotta do that work for, and that's what you were talking about in that statement that you made, hey listen, this is a amount of money that you need to make out the gate.
19:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just saying if the man has the broader shoulders, let us take that on and lead, okay?
19:27
[SPEAKER_01]: So that we don't have to stress her out, but now I told you that she will appreciate that, all right?
19:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but real quick, let me just put a tag on that first part.
19:38
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
19:38
[SPEAKER_01]: People need to go get some help.
19:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, sir.
19:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when you talk about working on yourself, go get some help.
19:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
19:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoever that is for you, um, so that when you get into the relationship, you know that you've checked off all the boxes on why you overspin, why you're controlling with money, why you cheat, you know, all the things.
19:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, a lot of people won't, um, because the pain of change.
20:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
20:02
[SPEAKER_01]: people don't want to really change.
20:05
[SPEAKER_01]: They'll say that they want the best kind of relationship, but for you, people may come to you and say, and I want to make a lot of money, can you help me?
20:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And you say, yeah, I can help you, man, but the kind of money that you say you want to work, make in terms of investments and whatnot is you're going to have to do a lot, and they say, and I want to do it.
20:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You ever have people say that now, do nothing?
20:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely, I have it all the time.
20:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And I even get frustrated as a coach.
20:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I don'ts, do you get frustrated with it?
20:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you've given me some advice.
20:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And I heard you got frustrated me one time.
20:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's like at the same time.
20:35
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, it's, it's, it's, yeah, I'm going to leave it there.
20:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Because besides, people don't want to be, I don't believe nothing, here's my philosophy.
20:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Nothing extra ordinary happens within our comfort zone.
20:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I believe that whenever I was truly uncomfortable, yeah, that's when I seen something extra ordinary, absolutely, in my life.
21:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely, because I was willing to leave what was comfortable,
21:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And it do something that is not as comfortable.
21:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I promise, example, I teach have no consumer debt, right?
21:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:15
[SPEAKER_02]: 99% of America do not believe in that philosophy.
21:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
21:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm attacked all the time about it because I pay cash from our cars.
21:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I pay cash for everything that I had.
21:26
[SPEAKER_01]: But when a part of eggs is like $100, then now you seem like a genius.
21:30
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying, but it's like, I think I, I so appreciate you with your why.
21:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to get the O in you because that is something that even to this day, I'm still working on myself, quote unquote, the, the why yourself, because my goal is to be every bit of a man that my father has been to my mother and to this day, my father is still
21:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think you stop.
22:00
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
22:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, man, dead.
22:04
[SPEAKER_02]: But the reason why I made that statement though, and we got to get the old one of you, is because, man, I've never seen my mom cry over money.
22:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I've never seen my mom cry because that house is not financially stable.
22:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
22:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I've never seen my mom worry about how they're going to pay bills.
22:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So I've never seen her stress around the money part.
22:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I've seen my mom stress and I've seen my mom and dad go through things.
22:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But what I saw was my dad make sure that the foundation of the home financially was taking care of.
22:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, right.
22:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And but I saw too.
22:39
[SPEAKER_02]: He was in his work.
22:40
[SPEAKER_02]: He was going to work.
22:42
[SPEAKER_02]: He was getting out.
22:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
22:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Not that generation I really believe in and and and and therapy.
22:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
22:50
[SPEAKER_00]: He knows it all.
22:50
[SPEAKER_02]: But but I mean, I've seen them grow.
22:54
[SPEAKER_02]: But I agree with you working on yourself is key.
22:57
[SPEAKER_02]: What's
22:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I love this one because I think it's the one that people miss the most.
23:03
[SPEAKER_01]: The O stands for opposite sex.
23:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh-oh, study the opposite sex study.
23:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, what I see a lot on social media is you tell me what's wrong with the opposite sex.
23:17
[SPEAKER_01]: They don't this, they don't that.
23:19
[SPEAKER_01]: But if I ask you this, how long, if I wanted to get a finance degree, how long does that take?
23:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what depends on where you go, but three or four years?
23:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Three or four years?
23:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so in that first year that I'm working on that degree, am I making a high six-figure salary and I'm working in the finance industry?
23:37
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I'm not.
23:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, well, well, well, well, well, you mean I got to do three to four years of studying finance.
23:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
24:03
[SPEAKER_01]: in the industry.
24:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Now here's the thing, because I see where you're going.
24:08
[SPEAKER_02]: You're deemed ready for employment in the industry, but even your first job ain't going to be six figures.
24:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And you may not even be working in the job you want to work in.
24:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And so already see where you go and I then when it comes to relationships, you have nothing but bad experiences.
24:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you expect it?
24:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, some people say this is the most important decision you going to make who you're going to marry.
24:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it is the second versus Christ.
24:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Salvation.
24:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
24:39
[SPEAKER_01]: That was the second.
24:40
[SPEAKER_01]: But I thought that some people say, right?
24:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's just say, one or two, okay, depending on which your perspective is.
24:46
[SPEAKER_01]: But why is it that we would do that?
24:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And we do zero study about the opposite sex.
24:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll tell you something else funny.
24:54
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm talking to a group of men,
24:57
[SPEAKER_01]: and they're talking about women.
24:59
[SPEAKER_01]: They'd be like, bro, we're so easy to understand, man.
25:02
[SPEAKER_01]: All you gotta do is feed us, bounce up and down on this man, send us a sleep man, we good, we easy.
25:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Women, they say, oh, we don't play games, we know what we want, but the men are difficult.
25:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me ask you, which one of them is the easiest to understand?
25:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I think both sides are very clear.
25:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, and, thank you, sir.
25:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, man.
25:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You do this.
25:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on, say, yeah.
25:27
[SPEAKER_02]: very well known past or simply went viral for saying simply that.
25:31
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was like, I think both sides.
25:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think men are easy.
25:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I just think we're men.
25:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
25:37
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
25:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think ladies are difficult.
25:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I think they're just ladies.
25:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.
25:42
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what is about perspective.
25:45
[SPEAKER_01]: If you grew up a man, you're whole life.
25:48
[SPEAKER_01]: you understand you you understand you've been in the locker rooms you've been in the barber shop you understand how we think you know how we talk when women are not around women they understand them said they've been in the the the hair salon they've been wherever you know talking to the girlfriend so they get it the reality is I had to learn to be bilingual I speak man and woman
26:09
[SPEAKER_01]: But I had to do the work, okay?
26:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I'm gonna get some nuggets today.
26:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And the advice that I'm about to give about studying the opposite sex, all the law and the profits can be summed up into this here.
26:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Because most of the arguments that we have will lead back to these things, all right?
26:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So real quick, in general,
26:32
[SPEAKER_01]: most women want to feel special okay yeah that's true now what is that I want to be very clear for some of the guys it might not know exactly what that means she wants to know that she occupies very rare space in your heart she also wants to know they want to know do you see them
26:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you know them real quick, one of the most frustrating arguments that I got in to with my wife?
27:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't really wasn't even an argument.
27:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I was just frustrated early in our marriage.
27:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to buy or something for birthday or something.
27:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And she said, well, if I have to tell you it ain't special.
27:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, wait, what?
27:13
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, if I have to tell you, it's not special.
27:16
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
27:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to give you something that you want.
27:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm asking you, why are you playing games?
27:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I was so mad.
27:27
[SPEAKER_01]: But after I said, thought about that thing, probably the Holy Spirit minutes into me.
27:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I got it.
27:32
[SPEAKER_01]: She had already told me, eh?
27:34
[SPEAKER_01]: See, I already told you.
27:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me tell you how she told me.
27:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.
27:37
[SPEAKER_01]: We'd be walking through the mall.
27:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And she said, oh dear, look.
27:42
[SPEAKER_01]: If you ever want to get me something, I like these.
27:45
[SPEAKER_01]: These are real nice, you know what I was doing.
27:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Why should you stop me that?
27:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm over here, drooling at the big screen TV.
27:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm right here.
27:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm like, okay, but she already told me, you know what she wanted to know?
27:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, are you paying attention?
28:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, man, that made her feel special.
28:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just trying to tell you, in general, this is what, when the one, this is an interesting thing.
28:08
[SPEAKER_01]: This is an observation.
28:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what, a guy cheats?
28:12
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times, you know, she'll ask the man, but did you blank her?
28:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You know that word is, did you love her?
28:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought that was her, he cheated.
28:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do you care if he loved her?
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if you tell me that woman has taken my place, you've evicted me out of your heart and you put me in there?
28:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not special anymore.
28:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I could probably get over the fact
28:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe we can get past that, but if you tell me now, I'm no longer special, I'm done.
28:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so that's the special thing, right?
28:51
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, so the second thing that women need, and this goes back to why I said, she will appreciate what you said about the man making six figures.
29:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Every woman needs to feel safe.
29:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir, I've learned that.
29:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Safe, not just physically safe.
29:09
[SPEAKER_01]: emotionally.
29:10
[SPEAKER_01]: She wants to know you got her back.
29:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone loves a man with a plan.
29:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you've planned you've prepared for me.
29:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
29:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to make a six figures plus so that she will appreciate that.
29:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm going to tell you to kiss a death.
29:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
29:29
[SPEAKER_01]: When you cause a woman to
29:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Believe you're gonna be there for her.
29:34
[SPEAKER_01]: You set an expectation.
29:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I baby, I gotcha.
29:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And she depends on you and you let her down.
29:42
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't do what you say you go.
29:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know why it.
29:44
[SPEAKER_01]: That is the kid.
29:45
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like taking her to the top of the tallest building and having her drop down to the floor.
29:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what she says after that?
29:52
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, I've had so many clients tell me.
29:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't rely on nobody.
29:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't really rely on my husband.
29:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't rely.
29:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I get it done myself.
29:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't ask anybody.
30:01
[SPEAKER_01]: because if she tried to trust you and you wasn't there for her, it breaks her heart.
30:08
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just saying, you don't have to be perfect as a man, but when you say you're gonna do something, follow up.
30:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course, cheating is not gonna make her feel emotionally safe.
30:17
[SPEAKER_01]: If you take all the money and you spill all the, spin all the bill money, she's not going to feel safe, okay?
30:23
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not raccassized.
30:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Just getting those basics will help you.
30:27
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, now ladies,
30:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I got to tell y'all what we need real quick tell her to tell her we need to feel respected This is not like brain surgery.
30:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Yep.
30:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
30:40
[SPEAKER_01]: We know with me and respect is big Yes, somebody disrespect you is a conversation and some guys is some furniture moving, right?
30:46
[SPEAKER_01]: fact, but you can you can move no furniture with your wife hopefully you're not going to but you know how a woman can tear us up, build us or tear us down and build us up.
31:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't say it like I'm, but we don't just pick up the words that they say.
31:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah.
31:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It's tonality and body language.
31:17
[SPEAKER_01]: We like the terminator.
31:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
31:19
[SPEAKER_01]: We scanning you.
31:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
31:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
31:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And all you gotta do is just tell us, okay, if you got a problem with what we're doing or how we're doing it, you could just say, babe.
31:29
[SPEAKER_01]: When you do X, Y, Z, it just makes me feel.
31:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It hurts me, I just don't like it.
31:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, keep in mind, you gotta make sure this guy has a C or above on the trigger scale.
31:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if you're talking to somebody, yes, a D or an F.
31:47
[SPEAKER_01]: you wasting your time.
31:49
[SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't have the emotional maturity to appreciate your words, but I'm saying if this is a guy that go out and he's trying to do for you.
31:57
[SPEAKER_01]: He trying to do for the family.
32:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't tear him down, build him up.
32:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
32:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So we got to feel respect because that's synonymous with us feeling like a man.
32:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get this respect that you must have just take our testicles, hold them bad boys down and snip snap.
32:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, sir.
32:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Second one real quick.
32:16
[SPEAKER_01]: We gotta feel appreciated.
32:18
[SPEAKER_01]: That's fine.
32:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, this one right here, I don't care, ladies, how big it is, what he does for you, how small it is.
32:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care if he just take out the trash.
32:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah.
32:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care if he just changed in the battery and that smoke detector that just keep going off.
32:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Just letting know, babe, thank you.
32:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate the way you love me, how you love me.
32:43
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what I hear sometimes
32:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I hear some women say, well, I don't want to see nobody, you know, giving me a parade because I cook dinner.
32:54
[SPEAKER_01]: The same tip for time.
32:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Just because you feel like you didn't get that, that doesn't disqualify what he needs.
33:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You just got to be able to communicate what you need to him.
33:07
[SPEAKER_01]: But don't take away that.
33:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I got a perfect example for this.
33:12
[SPEAKER_01]: If I say, you got to five year old boy.
33:15
[SPEAKER_01]: He goes outside, he's playing in the mud and he mud all over.
33:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Come in the house, tell his mom.
33:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Look, mom, look what I made you.
33:27
[SPEAKER_01]: He holds out some terrible looking thing.
33:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And his mom, looking at him, say, is that for me?
33:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And he said, yeah, oh, I love it.
33:42
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what that joke is gonna do?
33:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You're gonna go out there and make 30 of them.
33:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir.
33:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Why?
33:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Because he liked playing in mud, not necessarily how she made him feel.
33:51
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why when he went to Super Bowl, high mom, it feels appreciated.
33:57
[SPEAKER_01]: That right there, women, you have the ability to make us feel like a superhero.
34:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And all you gotta do is just say, babe, I appreciate so much.
34:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for doing that.
34:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for listening real quick, my daughters.
34:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I would teach them when I would cut the grass, tell daddy did a good job.
34:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Not cause I'm an ego maniac.
34:15
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm trying to train him for?
34:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to have a husband.
34:18
[SPEAKER_02]: That's how I feel the grass has, yeah.
34:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted to learn how to wax all wax all.
34:24
[SPEAKER_01]: get used to telling a man, but just the simple, what I'm going to do anyway?
34:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, just get used to saying, thanks, Dad.
34:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
34:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate that.
34:33
[SPEAKER_00]: OK, real quick.
34:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
34:35
[SPEAKER_01]: The you.
34:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
34:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I understand your partner.
34:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's be clear.
34:41
[SPEAKER_01]: We've talked about work on yourself.
34:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Gotta start there, OK?
34:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Get healthy, whole, have a positive score on the trigger scale.
34:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Understand the opposite sex.
34:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Now we're talking about understanding your partner.
34:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, a lot of mistakes I see, is people focus on compatibility and chemistry, out the gate.
35:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So you love God.
35:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I love God.
35:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
35:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You like jazz music?
35:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I love jazz music.
35:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You like beat walking on the beat.
35:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God.
35:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when we think we have enough in common, now our emotions kick in.
35:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Now we are in a emotional crack in.
35:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
35:19
[SPEAKER_01]: We just have the cake.
35:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I call that the shaking too little effect.
35:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Wow.
35:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Shake it up at the top.
35:24
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you have?
35:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Biz?
35:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
35:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that the relationship?
35:26
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
35:27
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not the cola.
35:28
[SPEAKER_01]: The cola's down here somewhere, right?
35:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So you need to understand that first.
35:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So I tell people, focus on dataability.
35:38
[SPEAKER_01]: That means you're readiness to be able to date.
35:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you healthy enough?
35:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you have a passing score?
35:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's talk about this.
35:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I tell people,
35:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know somebody, until you see them in three emotional states.
35:53
[SPEAKER_01]: First, you got to see them mad.
35:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
35:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if I see you, man, say you try to love on me.
36:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Say you're just trying to put on this big act to give me the falling love.
36:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you know, I can mirror you.
36:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I can do all kind of stuff to make you think that, you know, I'm on what you want.
36:07
[SPEAKER_01]: But when I get mad, man.
36:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
36:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's when if I projected on you and now I'm cussing you out.
36:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you're gonna say, well, who was that other person that I met?
36:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, second one is, you guys see I'm sad.
36:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I've had plenty of people.
36:24
[SPEAKER_01]: They tell me to say, Doc, we was talking every day.
36:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like clockwork, boom, boom, boom, boom, and then something happened, they just fell off the planet.
36:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't hear from them no more.
36:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Some happened, now they're in the suncom place.
36:35
[SPEAKER_01]: They dealing with depression, they just fell off.
36:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And when you in a relationship with somebody you get married, you just don't have the luxury just to fall on, but I need to see this is this is you.
36:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to see that so I can determine, do I want to deal with that?
36:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I deal with that?
36:51
[SPEAKER_01]: The third one.
36:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to see him stressed out.
36:53
[SPEAKER_02]: That's good.
36:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Not that's cool.
36:56
[SPEAKER_01]: How do they handle stress?
36:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Because of that.
36:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Because because catastrophe isn't in the skies falling and they full of anxiety and they just can't handle nothing.
37:04
[SPEAKER_01]: They shake under the weight.
37:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Just going to be your partner.
37:08
[SPEAKER_01]: When times get tough, you're going to fold.
37:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So I need to see that.
37:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It's popular in the relationship spaces to say 90 days.
37:16
[SPEAKER_01]: 90 days for what?
37:17
[SPEAKER_01]: The half-sex?
37:19
[SPEAKER_01]: What it was in the 90 days?
37:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I don't know if I'm a see you in all that in 90 days.
37:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I may take six months, I may take a year before I see you in all of those stages.
37:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So we need to get our emotions in check, but I'm going to tell you the thing to help you with that.
37:35
[SPEAKER_01]: If you did the first part, work on yourself.
37:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
37:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I don't need you to feel good about me.
37:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so if I skip the stage though, now I'm being codependent now I need you because now I'm dating damage.
37:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
37:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't want to do that.
37:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And the last little part about that, I love these cars that they have out a lot of relationship people got them where you can ask these questions.
37:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
38:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
38:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I call this a relationship fire drill.
38:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
38:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
38:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So before we actually get into the fire, let's go through the steps to see what we going to do before we get into the real deal.
38:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So for
38:13
[SPEAKER_01]: You may read a card that says, if we're going to have a birthday party for our five-year-old, what's an appropriate budget, $100?
38:20
[SPEAKER_01]: $500, $1,000 a $10,000.
38:25
[SPEAKER_01]: With your person say $10,000, what?
38:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And you say a hundred, but we got something we got to talk about as well.
38:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I just don't want people to,
38:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't I care what people think and I got to spend $10,000 on a five-year-old birthday party that nobody gonna remember and we ain't gonna look at the pictures for them.
38:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, right.
38:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's how we, we don't look at the pictures for them.
38:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, right.
38:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Good, have any.
38:49
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I'm saying is it's not not even saying which one is right or wrong, but y'all need to see that y'all not on the same page.
38:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So that question that it took me three days to answer because I had to, you know, deal with the prerequisite, if you understand that women enjoy feeling safe, you are meeting a safety need possibly with her when she knows that you have already prepared a plan for her.
39:27
[SPEAKER_01]: She might not demand that you do it, but I said she will appreciate that you do it.
39:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And now you will understand why because women need two things at their court.
39:37
[SPEAKER_01]: They need multiple things, but I'm saying at their court, feel special to feel safe.
39:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, no, I mean.
39:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Bro, you gave so much value in that because what I'm learning from you today is before I could even understand her, I have to have a healthy version of myself first exactly before I can even understand her and love her better, I need to spend time in my single season studying the
40:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, save you so many arguments so many so much frustration when I'm I'm what I'm counseling with couples the stuff that they've been arguing about for 20 years is so simple they have an insane argument for 20 years you know that's one of the things that I've been praying To God on about myself is that God.
40:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Rip away everything that is inside of me that needs to go away, said that I could better love, lead, and understand who you've given me, because you said something, and bro, I never thought about it this way.
40:49
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not deep.
40:50
[SPEAKER_02]: But when you said it, I leaned forward, and I, I got, I almost got Teary on and I had to check my cell phone, where we are recording.
41:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Passed there is Daniel says something about the pick matters and you said that, you know, some people will say the most important decision your life is who you marry.
41:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
41:16
[SPEAKER_02]: And I said it's the second most important decision your life.
41:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I've always looked at the most important decision in my life is who I picked.
41:25
[SPEAKER_02]: but I never reversed it.
41:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Her second most important decision in her life is saying yes to me.
41:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly, exactly.
41:35
[SPEAKER_02]: That put weight on my shoulder as a man.
41:38
[SPEAKER_02]: That put weight on me like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
41:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Savvy.
41:41
[SPEAKER_02]: You gotta be a healthy version of yourself because you are her second most important yes.
41:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Her first yes is, God, I'm a servun, I'm a love you.
41:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
41:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Mary.
41:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I will trust you to lead our family.
41:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I will trust you to protect me to love me to cover me.
42:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I will marry you to as a man who will lead our family and and build something.
42:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, and I'm like When you said that, I never never hit me to that point and and and it made me
42:25
[SPEAKER_02]: like serious.
42:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Like that is a serious thing that her most important decision behind saying yes to cries is saying yes to me.
42:39
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not happened children.
42:41
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not saying yes to that job.
42:44
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not saying yes to her physical appearance.
42:47
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not saying yes to her girlfriends and it's me.
42:52
[SPEAKER_00]: So good.
42:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And
42:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Bro, I've never in my life.
42:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, so I've never in my life thought about it like that.
43:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And that, I'm going to have, I got to have a conversation about the purpose about that.
43:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
43:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it doesn't put things into a new perspective, but it's, it has a healthy weight to me.
43:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
43:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
43:18
[SPEAKER_02]: It makes me wanting even go deeper and, and, and, and just making sure that to your words, and I'm healthy man, that that I'm a Lisa beat.
43:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be a sea.
43:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
43:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to be a B, you know, a P or higher.
43:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, no doubt because these driving right to get to that A if we can.
43:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, man, I want to get there.
43:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I got, I genuinely do, um, and as we come through, because we are aware of our time.
43:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sorry.
43:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry.
43:45
[SPEAKER_02]: No, this was, it was good, man.
43:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I, I'm not stopping this, but it's like, man, I believe.
43:54
[SPEAKER_02]: And I, and I say this respectfully.
43:59
[SPEAKER_02]: not in, not as a relationship expert as yourself, some of who's never been married, but I've seen healthy marriages, not perfect, but I've seen healthy marriages.
44:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
44:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I believe the black community will be stronger.
44:14
[SPEAKER_02]: If men were healthy at first, oh yeah, it starts with us.
44:23
[SPEAKER_02]: When I see my mom acting funny, I see because sometimes not all the times, I even say a lot of the times, not all the times.
44:34
[SPEAKER_02]: It's because maybe my dad just didn't do something right.
44:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
44:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And on my way away.
44:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So let me let me touch it sister, pick it back on that.
44:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
44:41
[SPEAKER_01]: My wife and I went through a very, very, very difficult time in our marriage, and you're married long enough, you're going to go through something.
44:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And the thing that she said changed her.
44:52
[SPEAKER_01]: It's my wife went through a period where she really didn't want to be married.
44:55
[UNKNOWN]: Wow.
44:56
[SPEAKER_01]: See, I didn't start at home not to show.
44:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
44:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I just made sure you got to bring me back.
45:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:01
[SPEAKER_01]: We got to bring you back, doc.
45:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we got to do this every February.
45:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what she said was the stance that you took.
45:09
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, the thing that made me snap out of what I was on is how you love me.
45:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Bro, like, and I'm not saying that to pat myself on the back because it was hard.
45:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
45:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was me relying on God.
45:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
45:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And to your point, though, when you say, and you might have meant something different for your parents, but I'm just saying the principle of it, when we are in alignment as men.
45:41
[SPEAKER_02]: No, that's what I meant.
45:43
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the proper order.
45:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Now some people may disagree, and I'm okay with this world of opinions and advice once it's trolled, and because I don't watch the comments anyway.
45:54
[SPEAKER_01]: But,
45:55
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just the, that's what I believe that the order is and I've seen evidence.
46:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not out here talking theories and concepts and what might happen in 32 years.
46:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen evidence that it works.
46:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Now if we want on TV, I'll be like you.
46:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll be crying right now.
46:13
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what I'm saying?
46:16
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I think I agree with you.
46:18
[SPEAKER_02]: That's from the healthy marriages that I have seen and that right now that I'm up underneath who are correcting me, maturing me and evolving me specifically on a relationship space.
46:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I see that the wife oftentimes is a mirror of demand.
46:35
[SPEAKER_02]: That she's perfect and that she that that I'm going to be sensitive to what I'm saying, but what I am saying is when the man is in alignment and he submitted to God and he's faithful and honest and he's a man of integrity and character More than likely at least 75% of the time that wife is going to be good.
46:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Not saying that she can't do nothing crazy or I because we're all human, but I
47:04
[SPEAKER_02]: As I'm learning them, okay, man, you gotta get better because if I picked right, then she's gonna be a mirror of me if I picked right.
47:14
[SPEAKER_02]: If I didn't pick,
47:16
[SPEAKER_02]: for the physical appearance.
47:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
47:19
[SPEAKER_02]: But I picked for issue of great partner.
47:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
47:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Then we are going to be all right.
47:26
[SPEAKER_02]: But if I only picked them because she just looked good and she got the big old booty.
47:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
47:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Then it's like, OK, wait, this marriage ain't going to work because even if I'm healthy, I didn't pick right for me.
47:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we're going to go that.
47:40
[SPEAKER_01]: A B ain't going to pick a D. Oh, oh, shoot.
47:44
[SPEAKER_03]: OK.
47:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not gonna be with somebody that's either necessarily above or below your level of healthiness on the scale.
47:55
[SPEAKER_01]: A, E ain't gonna be with an F. I mean, A ain't gonna be with an F. Right, right.
48:00
[SPEAKER_01]: You understand what I'm saying?
48:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So your level of healthiness changes your perspective because as you change yourself, it changes how you see everybody else.
48:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like getting that car.
48:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you just got the Mercedes on so on so on so you never notice all the other ones on the road until you got the same one our bro come on you talking so once you get to your C or your B or your A your good little recognize a A a B or the same you can be an F or a D and think you're going to be able to even recognize an A or appreciate that's why when you get a D trying to be with a B.
48:40
[SPEAKER_01]: they say what?
48:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even deserve.
48:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Why they want me?
48:45
[SPEAKER_01]: What?
48:45
[SPEAKER_01]: They sabotage the situation because they feel like this is too good.
48:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I've seen men do it and I see women do it.
48:52
[SPEAKER_01]: They self sabotage it because they feel like when you treat them good and you get hurt and you treat a good, y'all want to treat you.
49:01
[SPEAKER_01]: It feels too good and unfamiliar.
49:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me go back to the D's and the F's that I'm used to.
49:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And let me say this because I could hear some of you saying it.
49:10
[SPEAKER_01]: My wife because I want to balance that out because I don't want to make a sound like I was every my wife saved my life, man, you know, meeting her.
49:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I was drifting out to see and you know doing things dating and playing out of my character When I met her in college, man, she saved my life.
49:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So you know, we have been there to help each other.
49:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I can see somebody saying, well, he just I like.
49:34
[SPEAKER_01]: He saved her.
49:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But in and I wanted knowledge though and give her her just to do my wife is everything, man.
49:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Like without her.
49:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm nothing, man.
49:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, just in terms of what we build and who we are together as a unit 32 years, man.
49:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, she's dope.
49:49
[SPEAKER_02]: No, seeing the power of healthy marriages, like over the last two or three years in my life, I can say that right now out of a lot of things that I have been blessed to accomplish.
50:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I've only accomplished maybe 77% of what I believe I can do.
50:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
50:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't believe God is going to allow me to reach my true potential.
50:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
50:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Until I have a godly partner.
50:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I want that for you doing.
50:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm saying I want that for you so bad because that leaves that's the family man.
50:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I got such a further.
50:30
[SPEAKER_01]: The enemy is doing such a job on this right now, man.
50:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the matrix.
50:34
[SPEAKER_01]: We can't see the cold.
50:37
[SPEAKER_01]: We are being torn apart, social media has created, like I said, this us against them, the North against the South, the mind said.
50:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And we don't see what's going on.
50:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And I hate it.
50:49
[SPEAKER_01]: The family is suffering.
50:50
[SPEAKER_01]: If we don't have good individuals, we don't have good marriages, and we can't have the kids, and then we can't have the strong.
50:56
[SPEAKER_01]: All of us come from a family.
50:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just seeing that attack.
51:01
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't trust each other.
51:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm looking at you on the other side and there's an opposite, no, I don't trust you.
51:08
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I know you up to something.
51:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You could be good.
51:12
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, because I know the last one.
51:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So you judging your ex, but your next, by your ex?
51:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.
51:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, like I said, bro, I, I got so much in me, man.
51:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm sorry.
51:23
[SPEAKER_02]: No, it's no, it's 30 some years right here.
51:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Bro, we got to bring you back, man, and because I think,
51:30
[SPEAKER_02]: relationships are important even when it comes to money.
51:34
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I can be wealthy today, but if I pick wrong.
51:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I could be broke tomorrow, very, you know.
51:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think if I pick right, I'm going to be wealthy, RLCR, and I believe in the power of marriages, and I just go on to say to myself, I don't believe race sees a color, but for me, I'm all for Black Love.
51:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to see more Black men and Black women come together, love each other,
52:03
[SPEAKER_02]: protect each other and build something amazing, build their dream home, drive their dream cars, send their kids to private schools.
52:10
[SPEAKER_02]: But I do believe at the end of the day, which is why I will always say this, I believe it starts with us.
52:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't teach how to get healthier.
52:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not qualified for that.
52:18
[SPEAKER_02]: That's what you're qualified for.
52:21
[SPEAKER_02]: But I can teach men and women, single people, how do you get your money right?
52:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So at least you're going to have
52:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But outside it at, I believe it does start with us.
52:33
[SPEAKER_02]: But y'all.
52:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And how can people learn more about you?
52:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Y'all, I'm trying to get him to do a show.
52:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm trying to get him to do a podcast because we need more healthy, merry people going viral.
52:51
[SPEAKER_02]: All the podcast up, all the relationships that go viral are relationship people and who are single.
52:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, I don't want to knock them because I don't want to cry right now.
53:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Everybody that's in this country, right, right, right.
53:05
[SPEAKER_02]: But I don't subscribe to it.
53:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
53:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And y'all, so we're trying to get him to a podcast, hopefully, by the end of this year, who have won up and running, because as y'all could see, he has so much wealth of information that I believe is wisdom and I can help us.
53:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Because here it is.
53:23
[SPEAKER_02]: If you can date better, it means you're married better.
53:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You build a better legacy.
53:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
53:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And so that is important.
53:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But man, how can people find you on social media?
53:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, you have any books?
53:34
[SPEAKER_02]: What you got?
53:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Just go to my website, man, Christopherie.org, R-E-I-D, I don't know if y'all put down let's go up there, but yeah, Christopherie.org.
53:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Ain't a coaching man, this is my love, this is my passion, this is, I've always been this person, man.
53:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I love, as far as the podcast, man.
53:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
53:53
[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to work on that, man.
53:54
[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to work on that.
53:55
[SPEAKER_02]: But y'all, it's been a great show.
53:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, share this with someone today with the being loved day.
54:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Share it with a couple, share it with your friends.
54:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Tell them to watch it.
54:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Even share with single people because I believe that acronym will work on you is important.
54:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And to all the brothers, I want to I'm going to end this show with this.
54:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You are her second most important, yes.
54:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I want you to feel the weight of that.
54:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And I felt that for the first time in 30, 39 years.
54:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I've always heard people say to pick matters, to pick matters, but I never consider myself to pick to.
54:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
54:38
[SPEAKER_02]: She picked me to.
54:39
[SPEAKER_02]: No, that's dope.
54:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know.
54:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And so when you phrase it, that one.
54:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, man, I'm like, I'm her second most important decision.
54:49
[SPEAKER_02]: If Rubim and Geet go deep, you're her most important decision on his earth.
54:53
[SPEAKER_02]: 100%.
54:54
[SPEAKER_02]: 100%.
54:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I am.
54:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
54:58
[SPEAKER_01]: The two shall become one.
55:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So that means we're joining together, be one flash.
55:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
55:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my God.
55:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't give much deeper than that.
55:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't you boy Anthony, I'll make sure you like, hit the like button, subscribe, happy Valentine's Day, too.
55:13
[SPEAKER_02]: My brothers and sisters and pray for you.
55:16
[SPEAKER_02]: God bless you.