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Rake / Halloween Special · The Danger Zoo

0:02
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
0:07
Welcome back everyone to the Danger Zoo, the Department of
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Anomalous and Non human Genetic entities, Reconnaissance and
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zoological Occult operations. As always, I am Coyote, your
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game warden. It is.
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It is Halloween time baby, and we are about to fuck shit up.
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Happy Halloween. You guys want to know what we're
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going after today? Sure, why not?
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Yeah, is it Jack Skellington? Oh, or the boogeyman boogie
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boogie. Give me one SEC.
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Are you deciding who we're going up against?
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No, I'm have to pull up the city name we are going to.
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Halloween Town. Anoka, MN.
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OH. Minnesota.
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Minnesota, because apparently it's like one of the best known
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places to celebrate Halloween. It's the Halloween capital of
1:00
the world, allegedly. You would think like Salem.
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Yeah, right. No, that's just where they
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killed people. Isn't that the place where the
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politicians got a? Yeah.
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Oh, it is. Yeah, anyways, today we are
1:17
hunting the Rake. The Rake is a crypted, said to
1:20
be humanoid in form, pale skinned, hairless, with
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elongated limbs and claws and jet black eyes.
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It's been blamed for It's been blamed for disappearances,
1:29
mutilated bodies, and horrifying nighttime visitations.
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First appearing in an online forums and creepypasta lore in
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the early 2000s, sightings often involve the creature crawling on
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all fours, lurking in the shadows, or crouched over
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sleeping victims. Jeez.
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Witnesses report feeling of dread, and some say the Rake
1:47
whispers their darkest regrets. It's theorized to be summoned or
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drawn by ritualistic energy, especially violent emotions like
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betrayal, jealousy, or hatred. So that's why we're going to
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Anoka, MN to try and find this thing.
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Fine, Gollum. But something goes awry.
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I love rye. It's.
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Pretty good bread. The Danger Zoo van hums down A2
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Lane Mountain Rd., high beams cutting into the thick white
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fog, rolling unnaturally through the streets, through the trees.
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The wipers swipe across a wet windshield smeared with residue
2:27
of something oily. Oh are.
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You asking? With the residue of something
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oily, almost sticky, somebody nutted on the van.
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My bad. Inside the van, the operators
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joke, Are you snack or doze, unaware that the fog creeping
2:45
through the air vents isn't missed at all.
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It's gas and they slump 1 by 1, baby bird leaning against Hazy
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who's still mumbling about the weird deer they passed and
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coyotes Hand is halfway to the dial on the radio but doesn't
2:58
quite make it on the exterior of the van.
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The engine shuts off. The van rolls to a soft stop
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against the edge of a fog drenched gravel, and then dark
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shapes emerge, cloaked figures in Pagan robes donning crude
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handmade gas masks fashioned from clay, bone and stitch
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burlap. Silent and methodical, they
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unlatched the doors and pulled the operatives out, dragging
3:20
them into the corn. One by one they disappear into
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the maze. So that's.
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Cool. They got us pretty easy.
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That's pretty fucked up, you know?
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Yeah. They snatched us like we were
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kids and they told us they had a puppy in that van and I was
3:31
like. Yeah, I'll get in there.
3:33
All right, they better read Candy.
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Where's this fucking bike? I'm not going to fall for this a
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third time, you mean? Six times.
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Shame on me. 7 times someone's got to hit me.
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All right, so everyone's going to roll for initiative off the
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bat, gentlemen. So as you can see, that's the
3:55
rake on the front. But something has happened. 18.
4:00
1. All right, Hazy, you get dropped
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in the northwest corner. Better than us?
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I will be dropped off in the northeast corner with the
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Scarecrow. Got a nice little grave just for
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me over here. It's cool.
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And Baby Bird is dropped off in the southeast corner, each
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member of the dangerous who awakened separately, groggy,
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dirt in their mouths, their heads pounding like drums in a
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sacrificial ritual. They're scattered across a
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massive corn maze, no sign of team mates.
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Then chanting ooga chaka, ooga chaka.
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I just, I can't stop this feeling.
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A pulse of magical energy rumbles through the earth like a
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heartbeat. Above them, floating 15 feet off
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the ground, cloaked in swirling mist and surrounded by Ravens,
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is a pale skinned, Black Eyed witch in a flowing patchwork
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shawl of cursed fabrics and embroidered bones.
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Gosha. A black guy witch.
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No, so, so this, this character is actually my my wife.
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But in this universe, she's an she's an ex of mine.
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Her arms stretch outward and her voice echoes through the maze,
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crisp and cold. You think that you could ghost
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me and still watch my Netflix account and you have the Gul to
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keep watching Ghost Adventures on my profile.
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Well guess what Zaddy? This episode is called You die
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in a maze. You've all been selected, nay,
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offered the opportunity. Tonight of all nights,
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Halloween, a ritual game. You get one hour, one prize, one
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survivor. You see, I've summoned something
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to play with you. A lovely little Cryptid from the
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dark. You may have been chasing it,
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but now it's going to chase you. The Rake and sweetie.
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He's hungry, and he's tasted all your dreams while you slept.
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Here are the rules. Simple stuff, really.
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You have one hour to survive the Rake, make it to the center of
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the maze, and then kill the rest of your team mates.
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That's right, girls, only one of you gets to leave.
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The rest of you can think of yourselves as seasonal
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decorations. Oh, and one more thing.
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Whoever wins gets to leave. And maybe, just maybe, I'll give
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you back your Hulu account password.
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Let the harvest begin all. Right.
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Well, that's cool. Coyote, what the fuck did you do
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this girl, man? I gave her that A+ Eddie Panizzi
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game and then I took off. And then walked away like a
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pimp. So yeah, that's what's
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happening. So what's going to happen?
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We are in the middle of a maze. I am in the top right section.
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Hazy is in the top left section, baby birds in the bottom right.
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I had other spots to fill, but the boys aren't here, so good
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for them. They survived this, this one
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hunt. Hey Z, you have the first
7:00
initiative since we're all kind of fighting each other, but
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before we each take our turn, you have to do a luck roll
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before you do anything. So 14.
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All right, what are you doing? Is that a hole?
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Next to me? No, that's just damp grass.
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Oh OK, well I guess I'm going to go look at these bones over here
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to my left. Go investigate them bones.
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Give me an investigation roll. 9.
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You see nothing. Nothing.
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They look not even the bones they.
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Look like bones. You can't even see them.
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You feel them. Helen Keller.
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You're like. I have night vision.
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I have night vision. What the fuck?
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No, they're they're. Just bones, you don't see
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anything of interest in them. That's my turn.
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That's your turn. Let me take my luck check.
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Oh, baby A10. Fuck me in the goat ass.
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All right, now I got to roll AD 6.
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Hold on. Let me go to the trap real
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quick. No way me.
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No way me. No way me.
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Where the hell did it go? There she is when I get a three.
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Oh, no. Oh, you bag of Dicks.
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As I walk down here, I make it like 10 feet this way, and then
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there is a giant hole in the ground right here that opens up
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beneath me. Now let me make a saving throw.
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In the distance, I hear shrill cry.
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You hear me go bullshit and I back up just in time.
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But now there's like a big hole in front of me now.
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But I didn't fall in, so it was odd to me.
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Baby bird, you're up, girl. I'm going to run forward.
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Remember, you got to do a luck roll first.
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Oh. Shit, this will be the only
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times I remind you. Gentlemen, if you do not roll
8:57
your luck roll before you tell me your action, you
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automatically fail. I rolled an 8.
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You automatically failed. Roll AD 6. 2.
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You roll A2, so you made it up to the.
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You go north, you made it up to this pumpkin, and this scythe
9:19
comes swinging down at you. Give me a reflex roll. 12.
9:25
Nope, you're going to take 1D8 of damage.
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You take two points of damage. It's just a flesh.
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Oh, my chest. I felt it across my nipples.
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It caught you square in both nipples.
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You're just just bleeding. Only from the nipples I missed
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everywhere else, right? The tips of your nips off.
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What an awful way to start the game.
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Is it my turn? It is your turn.
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The rake will take his turn in secret.
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Oh, I will do my luck check. Atta girl.
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There you go. Big smart boy.
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Actually you are. Good job.
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Other fucker even plus 3 + 3, it's a 4.
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All right, roll AD 6. I was feeling so lucky, Burke
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for a second. What I won.
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Oh, all right, give me a reflex save.
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So that would be a oh God 6. Yeah, you got it.
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Is that with your decks? Yeah, +2 is still 6.
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God damn, that is rough. All right, you're going to take.
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Give it a SEC. Bear trap clamps down your leg
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and you take two points of damage and you are currently
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stuck until you get out of that. My turn.
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All right, well, I'm going to take an athletics check and I'm
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going to jump the hole in this ground.
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It's not super big, so I should be OK.
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Oh, hell yeah, baby. I jump southwest and I make it
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over this hole and I'm right next to this, what looks like an
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old wagon wheel. For some reason.
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I think I'll investigate. Oh, I can't investigate.
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It's not my turn. Oh, no.
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I failed my luck role. Hold on.
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You got beat by your own rule. I I made it over but then I take
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oh the scarecrow pops up the scarecrow of illusion.
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I must roll an insight check and pass ADC 14 or start to
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hallucinate. No whammy, no whammy, no whammy.
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All right, well, now I'm just freaking out.
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I'm just sitting here just talking about I'm just like,
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well, whose chair is that? And it's not my chair.
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Not my chair, not my problem. That's what I always say.
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If you don't know that reference kids, go look it up.
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Do some research. Baby bird, you're up.
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Luck check 12. OK, what are you going to?
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Do I'll have the map so I'm going to run forward?
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All right, so you're going to head W because that's the only
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option you have. OK, I'm running waste.
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You go about 15 feet and that's that's it as far as you get.
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Now there's a turn. I'm going to go hazier up.
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Oh, I'm. Going to go left.
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That's all you get. We got to move this like slow to
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get around in it all. Right, let me see my luck check.
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Son of a bitch. I'm an unlucky bastard tonight.
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All right. So that's going to be with the
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plus three at 8. With a + 3 it's an 8 all right,
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give me AD 6 roll. Oh my God, one.
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Jesus, you rolled up what? Yeah.
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OK so before you even try anything else you plant your
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foot down to try and pull yourself out of this other bear
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trap and BAM, this other bear trap hit catches your other
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foot. Ace Ventura, that shit.
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Oh well, good luck everybody else.
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Let's see what damage you take. It's only AD 6.
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That's cool. Oh, you only take one more
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point? You were kind of expecting it.
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That makes sense. Oh, I bet there's another trap
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here. The way your turn ends on here
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is as soon as you take damage, it's the next person's turn.
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I. My turn baby.
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I'm still hallucinating, so I got to get out of the
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hallucination, which counts as my luck check.
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It doesn't count as my luck checks.
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What I mean, I rolled on that one.
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So not only do I fail in it, I just get nothing and I just get
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2 scarecrows pop up and now they're both just warm my hypno
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toe to my face and I'm just sitting here just but but yeah,
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I don't take any damage. I'm just like incapacitated
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baby, break your up. He's like I turn slightly to the
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right and then run forward. There you go.
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OK Oh, a Nat 20. Hell yeah.
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Nice. All right, Tell me what you want
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to do. Forward.
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It's the only way. Forward.
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There's a Bush in front of you. You went W You're facing the
14:13
Bush. You want to go going north, Go
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north. Well, you go north, then you can
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go West, and then you can go South.
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Maybe you? Can go South you're.
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Going to stop right here at this opening.
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Since you got a Nat 20, he'll let you move a lot.
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All right, hazier up. Wow.
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Lady, look, let's go. It's not on my side.
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It's an 11. Oh, that is unfortunate.
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It is. No, you're fine.
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You pass with an 11. All right, What are you going to
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do? You got both legs stuck to the
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bear trap, so. I guess I'm going to pull out my
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pickaxe and try to pry at least one of them over.
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Oh, just prying. OK, OK, give me an athletics
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check. Actually, hold on, give me a
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tinkering check. A tinkering check that sounds
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fun. That's one.
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It's your intelligence. I don't know if that works for
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you or not. 16. Okay, you pry one open, prank
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and you get your leg out. Sweet, but I haven't taken
15:13
damage so it's my turn. Still good?
15:16
No, you only get one thing because it's still like
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initiative kind of thing. Sons of bitches.
15:20
Yeah, let me see if I can roll to get out of this.
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I'm just sitting there. I'm getting fucking Eiffel
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tired. I'm getting Eiffel towered by
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two scarecrows here. It's rough.
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Hell yeah. No, yeah.
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Oh no, I'm just still just getting it burned.
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And then as I'm here freaking out, Oh no, these crazy
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screaming vines start creeping out of So it, it's a corn maze,
15:47
but there's a lot of hedges in here.
15:48
There's just corn on the ground. It's not really a corn maze.
15:52
What I Oh no, it's six. That's the wrong one.
15:55
As I'm being bombed on by these two scarecrows, something
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appears at my feet. It's this little corn on the cob
16:03
thingy. Don't know what that is, but it
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looks super weird. In my hallucinated state I just
16:08
pick it up. I'm sure it's friendly.
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And I start getting real dizzy and I throw up, taking more
16:15
place of damage. Jeez.
16:17
Golly. And I'm still stuck in
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hallucination. Part of your part of your
16:21
esophagus comes out of your mouth.
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I was like, what the? Fuck, I'm going to be honest,
16:24
this is not the most wildest Halloween party I've ever been
16:27
to though. But it is up in the top five.
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Baby bird, you're up. Rolled 11.
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Safe. I'm going to round the bend.
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OK, you're going to check this. You're going to check this out.
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So you go in this little clearing where this tree is, and
16:42
then you whip around to the north and you get to right here.
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Give me a perception check. Fucking 5.
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OK, you don't see anything? Out here, I'm blind.
16:58
You see a clearing, let let me you walk it to a clearing and
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you see it looks kind of like circle crops right here.
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It's just kind of open and the grass isn't like mowed or
17:07
anything, but it's all laying down like a UFO landed here.
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And you start to get really, really scared.
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We're going to take a scaredy roll 73.
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That's going to be two points of scaredy puts damage done to you.
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And now you're freaking out and and you're going to take -2 to
17:33
any skill checks you try to complete.
17:36
What? Yeah.
17:38
That's not fair. Yeah, life's not fair.
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Hazy. You're up.
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Yeah, I would. I guess I'm doing my look.
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Let's see man, are you serious right now?
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A 9. All right, roll AD 8 or AD 6.
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Fun 2 I got A1A1 and A2. This is fun.
18:03
As you are sitting there looking at your boot trying to get it
18:06
out, this scythe comes down. Oh shit.
18:09
Give me a deck save. A9.
18:15
That doesn't work. You're going to take.
18:19
Be gentle. Eight points of damage.
18:22
Jesus fuck. That thing caught you square in
18:27
the arm and now your arm is kind of kind of mangled, so you're
18:31
going to take a -2 to everything you do now as well.
18:34
I'm I'm at 4 HP so I'm almost damn.
18:37
Yeah, you're getting fucked up, man.
18:39
And I still have a bear trap on my fucking leg.
18:42
You do. I'm going to roll luck.
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I'm going to, I'm going to go over the radio and be like, is
18:48
everybody else doing as good as I am?
18:50
Because I'm feeling really good about this.
18:52
The screen just cuts to me just drooling in my eyes with the
18:55
little swirl head cartoon going. I am perfectly a OK.
19:01
As he stated there, peeing his pants.
19:04
Let's go luck roll baby. Gimme Gimme me.
19:06
Fuck you in the ass. That's a four.
19:10
You're going to be kidding me. 1/3 Scarecrow shows up.
19:15
All right, I got to roll real high to get out of this thing.
19:17
So I'm I'm sitting here, I've got to take damage at this
19:21
point. So we're going to go with AD 6.
19:24
You can't be doing any worse than me, don't worry.
19:26
I keep hearing you guys scream over the radio.
19:28
What's going on? Actually, this third scarecrow,
19:33
it's a negative and a negative and a negative equals in horror
19:36
world a positive because I had a Nat 20 on my save.
19:38
And so now I just, you know, like a panic.
19:41
I just take out all three scarecrows, just poo, poo, poo
19:45
on the ground. I did take two points of damage,
19:48
but I am now free of their clutches on me.
19:51
Clutches in me. I don't know, depends on how
19:54
freaky you want to get, I guess. Maybe burn your up?
19:59
The roll a 16. I.
20:05
Know this is good. What are you doing now?
20:10
Middle. Move to the middle.
20:14
It's like winner winner chicken dinner.
20:16
I know you're you're already into an initiative, but go ahead
20:19
and give me another D20 roll. OK?
20:22
Go ahead and add your Wisdom for Perception. 12.
20:27
OK, OK, yeah, you make it out to the middle here and you feel
20:30
even worse. We're going to do another scary
20:31
puss roll. You don't know what's causing
20:34
this. You just feel just dreadful. 34
20:37
OK, you've been doing some yoga, so a little bit of namaste in
20:41
your life. So you, you get your breathing
20:43
under control a little bit. You don't take any more scary
20:45
puss points. You're back up.
20:47
You're not taking -2 to all your roles, but some.
20:51
Something's in this clearing you can.
20:53
You can feel something pricking at the back of your neck, like
20:57
something is just out of your eyesight, but you can't quite
21:00
figure it out. Like there's something rubbing
21:03
their balls on the back of my neck.
21:05
Yes, some someone's giving you reverse Arabian goggles.
21:08
And they just shaved. It's itchy.
21:12
Oh, hazy, You're up, girl. All righty, I can't wait for
21:16
this. Go ahead and finish me off, big
21:17
guy. All right, 19.
21:22
Oh, hey, hey, hey, you did it 19 That's really good.
21:26
Not only did you pass your luck, you popped out of well, that
21:31
scythe is still like in your arm.
21:32
However, you did get out of the bear trap, so that's good.
21:37
What are you going to do now, buddy?
21:40
I'm going to pull out my gun and shoot that fucking pumpkin to
21:43
the South of me just out of anger.
21:46
Do it. So what do I roll 20?
21:50
The same thing you roll for every shot, Dex for the D20.
21:54
Oh, Dex, that's right. Which is all right, That's a
21:57
good one, too. So 19.
21:59
All right, yeah, you blast it, and now you're going to take a
22:01
scary puss roll. Son of a bitch, we.
22:05
Can't do anything here. This place sucks.
22:09
Welcome back to Disneyland. You take -2 it's a 79 and I know
22:13
your scary puss is not that high.
22:15
Your scary puss drops another two points.
22:18
Oh, so I'm not like 29 I. Thought you were at 39.
22:21
I think you're like. 37 big hit and I'm like I was like at least
22:25
31 or 33. So if it's if it's another hit,
22:29
I'm at. Like, I'll have to do the math,
22:30
but yeah, you're you're down another 2 points.
22:33
And sadly, when that happens, you got so scared you backed up
22:38
into the maze there. Yeah, that site that's stuck in
22:43
your arm fully cuts through and lops the rest of your arm off.
22:48
You're down with one arm. That's not necessarily a bad
22:50
thing because it's, you know, dead weight.
22:54
You don't have to worry about that bad arm anymore.
22:57
No, but now you're going to start taking bleeding damage.
22:59
Sons of bitches, I'm at 4:00 so that's not going to last long.
23:02
Well, you're taking one point of damage right now.
23:04
Well, I'm at 3. All right, we're moving on.
23:06
To me I'm. Going to come over the intercom.
23:09
I love you guys. Just wanted to tell you that.
23:12
I come back over the thing. Tell it to your therapist.
23:16
None of this is real like. Baby, come on, come on, come on
23:19
13 yes let's go, let's go, let's go.
23:21
All right, I get up away from these freaking ass scarecrows
23:26
and I move N then I move West and then there's this little
23:29
patch where there's a pumpkin just staring at me and I'm like
23:32
hey little guy, hope you're doing well.
23:33
And I pat him on the head as I move by and I get just to the
23:36
other side of it when I see that I can move West.
23:40
I can't see an opening, but all right, it looks like a little
23:43
bit of an opening over there, but not much.
23:45
And I see a little bit of light coming from the opening.
23:48
Baby Bear, you're up. OK, I rolled A2.
23:53
Give me AD 8 roll. Oh, A1.
23:58
You step in a bear trap in the middle of the clearing.
24:03
Give me a dex roll, Did you? Did you give me a dex roll?
24:07
Oh, did I? Oh, did he die?
24:12
Did he die dead? What the fuck?
24:15
Oh there it is. I have too many recording things
24:18
open on my phone. No, I rolled in 18.
24:24
Right on. You got to step in it, but it
24:28
just kind of clamps down. You see that most of the teeth
24:30
have been filed away and you're just like, oh, you slide your
24:33
foot out. Lucky you're a skinny, skinny
24:36
little Filipino Jew. How my shin?
24:40
Oy, they fits in out here. Go ahead and roll a perception
24:46
roll. Perception.
24:49
That's a three. Another scary puss roll coming
24:52
at you. Oh boy.
24:55
What's what's your scary puss right now?
24:58
Where do I check that I? Think you were down to a 35?
25:01
Oh yeah, no, this is 51. Oh, then the last I looked I was
25:07
at 34. Yeah, yours was never this high.
25:11
I think you were a 31, This is a 51.
25:13
So you definitely take two more points of scared to push damage.
25:18
OK, wait, I was at 30. Wait, no, because I took two
25:22
earlier so I'm at 31. I think that's accurate.
25:25
Now you get really freaked out here.
25:27
You're going to take a -, 4 to everything you roll.
25:31
Jeez, you're freaking out man. Like you don't know your friends
25:33
are. You've heard the radio go off a
25:35
couple times, but you haven't heard anything from Hazy.
25:37
Only myself and Hazy can hear each other.
25:40
But you, you're just stuck out here in this fucking shitty
25:43
maze. Hazy.
25:45
Go ahead, you're up. All righty, 13 on the look.
25:51
No ice. What are you doing all?
25:53
Right, man. Well.
25:55
Remember you are bleeding from the arm.
25:57
No for sure, I want to grab the scythe and just start swinging
26:01
away at the walls and try to get through it.
26:03
The one closest to me I guess. I guess the one to the east.
26:08
OK, you're going to swing the one to the east.
26:11
Just blind rage. Just I'm already dying, might as
26:15
well put all the effort into it. Well, you didn't stop the
26:18
bleeding, so go ahead and take one point of damage naturally
26:22
that. Too.
26:24
So go ahead. You're trying to swing do AD 20,
26:30
that's going to be your strength attack with the hedges.
26:33
So 13. Yeah, you slash it and soon as
26:38
you slash it, it cuts open and then the hedges grow back
26:42
together as soon as you slash it and you take.
26:44
Well, fuck beans. You take another one point of
26:48
damage from swinging your arm and not doing anything about it.
26:50
Well. I tried guys.
26:53
What are you at now, One? Yep, I'm at 1.
26:55
All right, I I hear some whacking to the West of me, so I
26:59
keep moving that way. I get to this clearing right
27:02
here. You just hear a passing out
27:04
person in the other I. I I hear that I hear that to the
27:10
West of me, but I look South and I see baby bird and I'm going to
27:13
do a perception roll to which I scream Jesus Christ, what the
27:17
fuck is that thing on your back? Baby Bird I.
27:21
Start crying. Don't.
27:22
Don't start crying. I I passed my luck role, I moved
27:28
and now I see this thing that is on baby bird's back and I'm just
27:33
going to try to blast it from here because as soon as I see it
27:36
I scream what the fuck is that? But I know what it is.
27:38
The rake is attached to Baby Bird's back.
27:42
We got it on them. Oh baby, yes, I blast my
27:48
silencer and it hits this thing square in the fucking face
27:53
'cause I got a 19 doing 4 points of damage knocking off Baby
27:56
Bird's back and that will end my turn.
27:59
Now it's the rake's turn. Oh.
28:03
Guess what's gonna happen on my turn?
28:05
The rake's cover now blown. Oh no, the rake tries to fucking
28:09
charge at me. He got a gnat 1 and he steps
28:11
right to the bear trap that got that baby bird reset and snaps
28:15
on him. Let me see, Hold on, he's got to
28:18
do ADC save. Jesus fuck me in the asshole.
28:23
What is that +6? This guy sucks +6 to a 19.
28:30
Holy shit. He breaks through that.
28:32
It snaps on his leg, but he is a monster.
28:34
Just breaks through it and he makes it a couple more steps
28:37
closer to me. So now he's about 10 feet north
28:40
of Baby Bird. He's 15 feet South of me, but
28:43
he's flanked. So anything we do with this now
28:46
towards him is going to give us a + 2 anyways.
28:49
Baby bird, it's your turn. Tell mommy guys I.
28:54
Got the black loom pop. Do I still have to do a luck
28:57
roll? You know what we're going to
29:01
we're going to turn that off since we've seen the rake now
29:05
that's going to be off for us. I think that you're you're
29:08
running on your luck and he's kind of he's kind of.
29:11
Gotcha. What set this all up?
29:14
Well, the pagans, the witch Gosha set it all up.
29:16
But he is the monster that it's his magic that's kind of making
29:20
this run, and it's why we have to keep rolling luck checks.
29:22
But now that you and I have seen him, we've pulled his focus.
29:25
His concentration's messed up. However, Hazy has not seen him,
29:27
so he will still roll. Don't worry about me, I'm about
29:30
to die. What are you doing, baby bird?
29:34
I'm going to grab C4 in each of my hands and run at him.
29:37
Right on. Oh, suicide bomber, but no
29:40
damage on your part. Yeah.
29:43
Give me, you know what, that's kind of cool and there's really
29:46
nothing that's going to stop you.
29:48
Give me AD 20 roll but add your strength and your decks. 16.
29:52
That's with the strength and the decks, Yeah, that's not very
29:56
good. 9 rolls of 10. Oh, all right.
29:59
Well, you come running up to him, you get right behind him
30:01
and boom, he just closed, goes off and he stops and he just
30:06
turns around and looks at you unfazed.
30:09
Damn. Wow.
30:11
Homie's. AG that was all my C4.
30:14
And now we'll end your turn. Both your C4 is gone and now
30:18
you're just staying in there. Daisy, what are you doing over
30:21
there, buddy? Rolling a luck check.
30:23
That's what I'm doing. At least you remembered. 16.
30:30
Well, you seem to be doing great.
30:32
What are you going to do now before you take bleeding damage?
30:35
I'm going to light a cigarette, go out like a like AG.
30:39
Oh boy. Jesus.
30:40
All right. You put the cigarette in your
30:42
mouth, you go to light it, you don't even get the lighter out
30:45
of your pocket and you just collapse to the ground.
30:48
Aw. Yeah, it's called tourniquet.
30:50
Stop the fucking bleeding, man. All right, I guess I'm up.
30:54
I got one arm bro, how am I going to fucking do anything
30:57
like that? You could do anything with the
30:58
power of Christ. You're right, you're right.
31:01
Through God all things are possible, so jot that down all.
31:05
Right, I'm going to blast him. Oh baby, I hit him.
31:08
Bam, I shoot this thing in the back of the fucking nog nog and
31:12
he takes 2.8 damage and now he's whirling back at me but he's a
31:17
good distance away so he's also oh shit I got to reload, change
31:23
my stuff to silver, I've just got regular rounds popping his
31:26
ass. All right.
31:28
I guess it's his turn, he's going to buck it towards me
31:30
because he's fast as fuck and he's going to take a swing at me
31:34
with his raking claws. Boss.
31:39
What? Nope, not not the rake raking
31:42
clause. He does it swing.
31:45
He gets up to me and he swings. Whoosh.
31:48
And this motherfucker doesn't know I'm 57.
31:50
I dip and dodge him and I am on the other side of him running
31:52
towards you. Like help me, help me help me
31:54
help me help me. I make it down to you, baby
31:57
bird, but I'm low enough you can probably shoot over me if you
32:00
want. I'm going to put a silver slug
32:03
in my shotgun. I'm going to aim down the
32:04
sights. I'm going to pull that trigger.
32:08
Say it real. Say it real nice and slow.
32:11
Oh, at 17. That's with all your modifiers.
32:16
I think so. Yeah, it goes bow and it just
32:19
doesn't like it. Zooms right by his head.
32:22
Not like you missed, he just tilted his head.
32:24
Super badass anime style. What the fuck did we get
32:28
ourselves into? Yeah, I don't know.
32:30
I'm going to come around the corner here and I'm going to hit
32:33
you with SEO de Fuego and I make I mark your forehead real quick
32:39
that gives you. Icaramba.
32:42
Shut up. So that's going to give you +2
32:45
for radiant damage. Oh, actually, no, fuck that.
32:48
I forgot. Fire causes it to flee.
32:49
So I I give you fire damage instead of radiant damage.
32:52
Beautiful. All right, it's so I do that.
32:55
It's his turn again. Let's see what he's doing.
32:58
He's coming. He makes it right to us.
33:02
He takes a swing at both of us missing, he misses both of us.
33:06
But now your shotgun's like right in his face.
33:10
And not only is it silver slugs in there, there's silver fire
33:14
slugs. And if you hit him with a silver
33:16
slug, that's +2 damage. If you hit him with a fire slug,
33:20
that's +2. Well, it's, it's one or the
33:23
other. It's either silver fire, but
33:24
they're both +2 to him. So fuck it, send it.
33:27
OK, I see that he's in front of me, tilt my shotgun down center
33:32
mass and I smirk. Oh, I'm fucking not 20.
33:35
I can't miss this time. I was going to give you a + 2
33:38
because you aimed centre mass. That's good shit.
33:40
And you hit him. That is a critical give me a
33:42
damage roll stop. Breathing late?
33:50
OK, that's 7. So it's critical.
33:52
So that's 14 points plus the two fire.
33:55
The whatever extra you have doesn't get doubled so that is
33:58
60 puts the damage bow you hit this fuck head sending him
34:02
spiraling black north and he hits the hedge and he's a
34:07
little. That's like the first time I
34:08
shot something. Yeah, and he is dazed for one
34:12
round as you blast him. Hazy.
34:16
Get out here, dude. Oh.
34:17
I'm dead as fuck. This hazy shit.
34:20
You. Remember that guy that came with
34:22
us? Yeah.
34:24
All right. So I bust out some salt and I
34:27
start putting it all along right here with the opening is of that
34:32
heads. It's it's salt.
34:34
It's got like a little bit of silver flakes in it.
34:37
So that's going to end my turn. Whatever you do, don't cross
34:40
that line. A salt line.
34:43
Now that he's kind of unconscious, we got to go back
34:45
to our luck checks while we're standing here.
34:47
OK, is it my turn? No, I totally forgot Hazy do a
34:51
fucking saving throw if you come back to life.
34:55
Kind of. For the luck or.
34:57
Don't even worry about luck man, you dead.
34:59
I'm just dead. Roll to make sure you're not
35:01
dying. Does that have any?
35:03
You're on the in between. Added thing or just straight
35:06
D20? D20 Your Constitution.
35:09
Constitution I'm still dead 6. OK, Yeah, you don't move, Yeah.
35:16
I'm still still. Just laying there in the dirt.
35:19
All right, now. OK, so then there's that.
35:22
Now, baby bird, now it's your turn.
35:24
Because this guy's the Rake is days for this turn.
35:28
And now it's your turn, baby bird. 7.
35:31
For what? Oh, for the luck.
35:32
OK shit, let me roll your D8. OK, our D6.
35:37
All right. Give me a Give me a deck save.
35:40
8. As we're standing there, you
35:43
kind of do this like little Michael Jackson dance move and
35:45
you step right on a bear trap. What the fuck?
35:48
Taking I go. My.
35:51
Leg you take two points of damage.
35:55
Yeah, it just clamps down on your leg.
35:57
You're stuck in it. Hazy.
35:59
We're back to you already because I forgot your turn last
36:01
time. Go ahead and make another saving
36:03
throw. You get 2 more chances.
36:05
Uh oh, a 17. Whoop, whoop.
36:09
All right. You wake up and you're just kind
36:10
of like dazed and you're looking at your arm and it's it's still
36:13
bleeding, but you're not dead. What are you doing?
36:18
I'm going to use that radio and be like, hey guys, help.
36:23
Like what's going on? I'm dying.
36:25
What were you dying? Is that all you're doing?
36:27
You're just radioing us. Wait what?
36:29
I'm afraid to fucking move at this point dude.
36:32
Like I went 5 feet and got I lost an arm, got booby trapped
36:37
twice and fucking just like bled to death.
36:41
Tell us your coordinates. Don't give me a deck saving
36:47
throw Hazy for your blood loss. Shit 13.
36:54
OK, all right, so you've been watching a lot of animating,
36:58
right? So you got that Demon Slayer
36:59
going on. So you just like you don't do
37:01
anything else. Your arm, you don't try to plug
37:03
it up. You just sit there and you're
37:04
like, I'm breathing into my arm and it slowly stops bleeding
37:07
magically. I don't know how you did that
37:09
shit, but maybe next time put a Band-Aid on it.
37:13
It's called the breath of God. The breath of the intern smells
37:18
like Funyuns. Yes.
37:21
All right, so you're chilling on the ground.
37:22
There's that's that's your turn. All right, I'm up.
37:26
I'm going to lava tell Los Manos, which for all you Spanish
37:30
speakers is hilarious. I don't know what that means.
37:33
Good. And I'm going to throw basically
37:36
a fireball at this dude because I'm Level 3 now throwing a
37:41
fireball. What, You can throw fireballs
37:43
now? What the fuck?
37:46
I can, yeah. Liu King.
37:48
I've been studying Tijuana. I done told you.
37:53
I thought you were like a luchador.
37:56
I am also a luchador. God damn we got Mexican Wizards
38:00
and shit out here. Mexican Wizards lavate, Los
38:06
Manos, fire hands, Coyote can basically cast fireball and do
38:10
D6 damage. I get 3 spells of this.
38:13
So Chateau matte. Let's see what we can do here.
38:18
Fuego. Shut up, I.
38:20
Like the words coming out of your mouth?
38:23
Like your magic words? I like your funny words, magic
38:25
man. UN tape fuego, No way.
38:29
No way me, no way me, no way me. Fuck.
38:32
I throw and it lights the hedge to the right of us on fire.
38:35
I'm like that's fine, we didn't need that.
38:37
However, however, he can't cross the silver and the salt.
38:41
I did, but that hedge is burning now and that might open up to
38:44
the right and let him out. So let's see, how many turns do
38:48
we get before you can get through?
38:50
They don't grow back like the ones I'm fucking fighting over
38:52
here. No, this is magic fire baby.
38:55
You hit it with a siph 1 armed and swing blood.
38:57
On it, it's a. It's not a magic sight for you,
39:00
Sling blade. Fuck, it's a piece of.
39:02
Man. All right, well, it's only one
39:05
turn, so it's only blocking him for this one.
39:07
So he gets up and he just walks towards us a little bit.
39:12
He is mad. Everybody do something.
39:15
I'm going to shoot him with my shotgun.
39:17
Do it. All right, you fail your luck
39:19
check. Oh shit.
39:21
But he's awake now. Shit.
39:23
Oh, you're right. He is back awake.
39:24
So the luck checks are off. You're good.
39:27
Go ahead, blast us. I rolled A2.
39:33
You shoot him and it like, obliterates the rest of the
39:36
hedge to the right. Now he's loose.
39:40
Damn, man. All right, Hazy.
39:42
What? What are you doing, bud?
39:43
You want to do a medicine check? See if you can get yourself a
39:46
little pep in this step. Not me.
39:48
I'm Marty. I've already died.
39:49
I'm not worried about me. I'm going to start pulling the
39:52
air. You packed the whole bottle of
39:53
Robitussin. Why don't you take some of that
39:55
and see if you can get any better?
39:57
Throw some tussin on it. All right, we'll throw some
39:59
tussin on it. That does.
40:00
That does sound. Treat it like that weird potion
40:02
in Resident Evil 7 and just pour it on your limb to see if it
40:05
grows back. There you go.
40:06
We'll, we'll do that. What the fuck is going?
40:10
He's immortal now, he can do whatever he wants.
40:13
You know that works. Yeah, so you want me to roll AD
40:17
20 with the medicine? Roll a medicine check, Yeah.
40:19
Yeah, medicine check. All right.
40:21
He's about dead. It's going to be wisdom.
40:23
Oh my God, my God, a fucking 5. All right, A5.
40:29
I put Asus the tussin. You pour the Robitussin on there
40:34
and you feel kind of drunk but I will give you this.
40:37
It gives you 5HP for the next 5 turns because you got that
40:41
drunkness in you where you're like, I don't feel nothing, you
40:44
can't do nothing to me you. Think you.
40:48
Think you're better than me, The drunk uncle at Thanksgiving?
40:52
That's what you are. Five turns.
40:54
Oh shit. Not counting this turn.
40:56
All right, moving on. It is my turn.
40:58
I'm going to Lavite Los Manos again.
41:01
Wingardium leviosa. Let's go, baby, let's go.
41:06
Yeah, I throw another fireball that misses him, but it doesn't
41:08
hit anything else. But I'm like, all right.
41:11
Fuck these fireballs. I got one, I got one more of
41:14
those in the tank. Yeah, I cocked my shotgun and I
41:17
looked at you. Going magic sucks.
41:21
It's not your turn. The rake moves to the hole in
41:26
the little tree, the little hedge right here as he's going
41:30
see. So he's dealing with the hedges.
41:32
The hedges is kind of what gets us stuck here.
41:34
But now he's got to roll luck with he's going through the
41:36
hedge. Oh baby, he gets stuck.
41:41
Let's see what he gets stuck in though.
41:45
A scarecrow pops up like the the hedge is closed up around him as
41:49
he was passing through. So he's stuck.
41:52
And he could break out. He's a fucking monster.
41:56
Which part of him is sticking out?
41:58
His cheeks I'm. Going to put my shotgun right
42:01
inside of those cheeks. I mean, you might be able to.
42:04
He's got a scarecrow that pops up on him right now, so he's got
42:07
to make a deck save, although he's going to make it because
42:10
his dex is 7. Oh yeah, he makes it.
42:14
He stares at the scarecrow and he just bites it in the face and
42:17
the scarecrow just crumbles to the ground.
42:19
He's still stuck in the hedges, but he had to waste his turn
42:21
with the the scarecrow. Oh, baby bird, you're up.
42:24
Put that shotgun where you want it.
42:27
I'm going to walk up to him and put it in what should be his.
42:31
What should be Yeah, anatomically correct of.
42:35
Course, but you go ahead and I want you to roll that at
42:37
advantage because there's no way you were going to miss that
42:40
shot. I rolled an 18 and a 13.
42:43
Oh shit. Literally OK does that with your
42:48
added stuff. No.
42:50
What's your decks with that 18? A 21.
42:54
Just enough give me some damage. I grit my teeth and give you a
42:59
5. Yeah, he's gritting his teeth
43:02
too. Bam shot.
43:03
He just goes off in him and you just see silver melting out of
43:08
his like the end of an anime. Not that kind of anime.
43:14
Oh, I was like what anime? And he just goes just making
43:20
some weird animalistic noises and he's still alive.
43:24
Does he seem like he enjoyed that?
43:27
I think I'd be dead if that happened to me.
43:29
Hazy, you got 5 rounds, what are you doing?
43:32
Man, I am like, I just got an adrenaline shot and I'm a crazy
43:36
person. I'm just going to like run
43:37
through the bushes right in front of me just.
43:42
You are a lucky SOB. Give me a look check.
43:44
Let's do it. You also never use your lucky
43:46
SOB where you can re roll stuff. I I think I've I've tried to but
43:50
I never can figure out the time to do it.
43:52
Fucking whenever your roll sucks, really.
43:55
It sucks, can I do it again? Absolutely.
43:59
All right, Oh my God, can I lie and say it didn't just get
44:03
worse? You can, but God's watching you.
44:09
Oh no, Oh man, I'm not even going to lie, it's not getting
44:13
any better. So a fucking four with the three
44:16
for luck Isn't that weird. You make it, you make it into
44:19
the hedge, but now you got to do a luck check all.
44:23
Right. You only make it a quarter of
44:26
the way in though. 15. OK, Yeah, no, you're fine.
44:29
Nothing happens. The hedge, like, doesn't really
44:33
notice your presence, I guess maybe because it thinks you're
44:35
dead. Just thinks there's a body being
44:37
absorbed by it. All right, I'm a go.
44:40
But I'm stuck in the hedge. Yeah, I'm going to get real
44:43
close and I'm going to put my hands on this guy's butt right
44:46
where he's seeping out. So I'm I'm going to roll my Lava
44:50
Telos mono set advantage. Check that oil.
44:53
In the shape of a shocker. I'm going to kill the shocker.
44:58
Oh yeah baby, yes, let's go. It's not a crit but I got his
45:02
ass. Literally.
45:04
Let me find out what my damage is here.
45:07
Which finger did you use? Oh, it's five points of damage.
45:12
I used the big one. Actually I do the whole Kakashi
45:17
sensei, the 1000 years of death, and I put both fingers up his
45:20
butt, blasting him. That's what I was thinking of
45:23
too. This monster is really not
45:26
liking what's happening behind him, so he's he's going to roll
45:30
his advantage to get out because because he can't.
45:33
He's not a happy camper. Oh, yeah, He, he's out of it.
45:37
Yeah, he makes it. Oh, he barely, even with
45:39
advantage, he barely made it through the hedge.
45:40
But the hedge closes back off. However, since we walked over
45:44
here we are now on the opposite sides of that salt line with the
45:49
silver dust. So now he's just over there
45:51
pissed off. He makes his way around and he's
45:53
just staring at us. Hey, what you doing bud?
45:58
I'm going to continue wiggling through that Bush.
46:00
Push through. I should have my my drunken
46:04
swagger. I should just like fluid through
46:06
that Bush. No, not how that works.
46:09
That's how you think you are. That's not how that works.
46:12
Oh shit. All right.
46:14
Bush. So what do I do?
46:16
Like give. Me your luck roll like you did
46:18
last time. Oh, luck roll.
46:19
Yeah, that's right. Maybe it's all your clothes
46:20
getting caught. You should get naked.
46:25
Oh my God this thing hates me. I even tried the cheat right
46:28
there 5. Are you rolling the wrong dice
46:32
again? No, I can show you it's it's the
46:34
right one. All right, you're stuck in there
46:39
to do another luck roll. All righty.
46:41
See if you get hit. Oh, OK.
46:44
A 19 + 3 so 22 OK. Yeah, well, I mean you're
46:48
pushing through it and the. It's not. 2/3 of the way through
46:52
it just thinks you're dead. It's not messing with you at
46:53
all. Very, very sneaky.
46:57
These corpses are plentiful today.
46:59
All right, it's my turn. I'm just going to shoot this.
47:02
Fuck. I'm out of magic.
47:05
Your magic did a lot. I blast him and like he just
47:09
eats, eats my shots like they sizzle but he takes no damage
47:13
from them and I'm like God this sucks asshole.
47:16
He's just standing there. There's nothing he can do right
47:18
now. Baby break, you're up.
47:21
I don't know what to do. I'm just going to shoot him with
47:23
my shotgun because he's just standing there.
47:25
Help me please. Menacingly.
47:29
Before you go to shoot him, you just hear Bong, bong, Bong and
47:35
you hear Gosha's voice floating above us.
47:40
The time limit has been reached. And the rake just slowly
47:45
disappears. Oh no.
47:49
She says. All of you are still alive.
47:54
That was a pretty good show, I have to say.
47:56
So I'll make you a deal. Kill one of your teammates and
47:59
the rest of you may go free. What do you mean one of us has
48:05
already died? Yeah, he's like super dead.
48:07
He's like a vegetable right now. Look.
48:11
See. But I'm a like a friendly zombie
48:13
at the moment. Like how can?
48:15
I turn back, We're like shut the fuck up, hazy, close.
48:17
Your eyes. Close your eyes.
48:19
Stop breathing. Open your mouth and close your
48:22
eyes. She looks as she goes.
48:25
Oh. Little baby Hazy is your choice
48:27
and. We're like ah.
48:32
Look. Yeah, look at him, head already
48:33
dead. I mean, come on.
48:36
Bopping the boopy. Yeah, pasta ravioli.
48:40
Lame. Bet you won't do it.
48:42
Bet you won't kill me. Fine, no.
48:45
No, I'm just playing. Death it is.
48:47
Damn. It.
48:50
Lightning bolt. Hazy's dead.
48:52
He's just lightning strikes. Baby Bird and I are like no.
49:01
Don't start no shit won't be no shit.
49:04
And we run towards him, but he's just kind of disintegrates in
49:07
the fire in the hedge. And all of a sudden Baby Bird
49:11
and I are starting to get real sleepy.
49:13
And we just pass out. And the last thing we see is
49:16
just a big old Jack O Lantern head above us, floating, going
49:19
happy. Halloween.
49:23
Find out next time if Hazy makes it back kids like.
49:27
A boss. Finally had our first death.
49:29
All right. Mission failed.
49:34
Casualties sustained.