Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 257. Presence Over Perfection: A Leadership Case Study

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257. Presence Over Perfection: A Leadership Case Study · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Let me start with something that might make some people uncomfortable.
• 0:04
  If you've ever booed a professional athlete, if you've ever felt angry at a team because they didn't win, if you've ever thought to yourself, they get paid so much money, they should be perfect.
• 0:16
  This is for you.
• 0:17
  Because what I wanna talk about today has nothing to do with sports and everything to do with the way we handle pressure, especially in workplaces and families.
• 0:31
  Not long ago I saw a clip from a baseball game.
• 0:34
  A professional athlete is standing at the plate doing his job, and behind him, fans are holding signs that say things like, shame on you, debase yourself.
• 0:45
  What?
• 0:46
  I had to stop.
• 0:47
  What does Debase yourself even mean?
• 0:51
  Guess what it means.
• 0:52
  It means lower yourself, humiliate yourself, make yourself smaller so I feel better.
• 0:59
  And that's when I knew this is not about baseball.
• 1:02
  This is a perfect workplace case study.
• 1:06
  Welcome back if you're new here.
• 1:07
  My name is Kathie Owen.
• 1:09
  I'm a private consultant speaker, and I work with leaders in organizations during high pressure moments where emotional regulation becomes the difference between clarity and chaos.
• 1:22
  On this channel, I share real world workplace case studies, not theory, not motivation, but lived examples of how performance, leadership and emotional regulation actually play out under pressure.
• 1:38
  What you're about to hear today.
• 1:40
  It is one of those case studies.
• 1:43
  It's a core theme I speak on when I'm on stage because it shows up everywhere in sports, in leadership, and inside organizations that care about performance, but struggle with pressure.
• 1:57
  Today we're talking about the difference between excellence and perfection and how entitlement and emotional dysregulation quietly destroy performance even in environments that claim to value excellence.
• 2:15
  I study patterns everywhere I go at airports, in restaurants, in meetings, in families, and especially at sporting events because human behavior doesn't just change because the setting does.
• 2:29
  The same patterns show up everywhere, and sports are one of the clearest places to see them because pressure is visible, public and emotional.
• 2:40
  Let's talk about Jose Altuve.
• 2:42
  He walks up to the plate and gets booed loudly, constantly.
• 2:47
  People yell, people judge, People bring signs.
• 2:50
  Yeah, the signs I was talking about.
• 2:53
  And then he still has to hit the ball coming at him at close to 100 miles per hour.
• 3:00
  Most people can't even see that ball.
• 3:02
  Yet they feel entitled to criticize the person hitting it.
• 3:07
  That alone should tell us something.
• 3:10
  This is the heart of my keynote.
• 3:12
  Expect excellence.
• 3:15
  Excellence isn't what you think it is.
• 3:18
  It's not perfection.
• 3:20
  In fact, it's the opposite.
• 3:22
  Perfection demands, outcomes.
• 3:25
  Excellence demands presence.
• 3:27
  Perfection says, don't ever mess up.
• 3:30
  Excellence says, stay steady when you do.
• 3:34
  Baseball is a beautiful teacher here.
• 3:36
  The best hitters in the world fail most of the time.
• 3:41
  Yeah, that's not weakness.
• 3:43
  That's reality.
• 3:44
  So excellence isn't about never striking out.
• 3:48
  It's about how you show up when you do.
• 3:51
  The first principle of emotional regulation is non-attachment.
• 3:56
  Jose Altuve does not carry the crowd's emotions for them.
• 4:00
  He doesn't argue with the boos.
• 4:02
  He doesn't explain himself.
• 4:03
  He doesn't try to win approval.
• 4:05
  He stays with his job.
• 4:08
  That's non-attachment.
• 4:10
  And here's the hard truth.
• 4:11
  When people feel entitled to outcomes, they lose non-attachment.
• 4:17
  They outsource their emotions to others.
• 4:19
  That's what those fans are doing.
• 4:22
  They're saying, you didn't give me what I wanted, so you should suffer.
• 4:26
  That's not accountability.
• 4:28
  That's emotional immaturity.
• 4:31
  The second principle is radical responsibility.
• 4:35
  Radical responsibility says I take responsibility for what's mine, and I don't take responsibility for what's not.
• 4:44
  Jose Altuve is responsible for his preparation, his swing, his mindset, what he can control.
• 4:51
  He is not responsible for the crowd's anger, disappointment, their need for someone to blame.
• 4:57
  That distinction is everything.
• 5:00
  In workplaces when leaders don't understand this, things turn toxic fast.
• 5:07
  And then there's courage.
• 5:09
  Courage isn't confidence.
• 5:11
  Courage is showing up when you know you'll be judged.
• 5:16
  It's easier to hide, it's easier to lash out, it's easier to blame someone else.
• 5:22
  But excellence requires courage.
• 5:25
  The courage to stay emotionally regulated when others are not.
• 5:30
  That's leadership.
• 5:33
  Let's say this simply entitlement sounds like I deserve a certain outcome.
• 5:38
  Projection sounds like I don't like how I feel, so I'll put it on you.
• 5:43
  That's what those signs are.
• 5:46
  And that's what happens in toxic workplaces and dysfunctional families all the time.
• 5:52
  Someone feels uncomfortable, someone doesn't wanna look in the mirror, so they point outward.
• 5:59
  I've lived this a few years ago.
• 6:01
  I worked inside a workplace that looked great from the outside, professional, polished, successful.
• 6:09
  But under pressure, the system couldn't tolerate honesty or discomfort.
• 6:14
  So instead of taking responsibility, it projected.
• 6:19
  I know what it feels like to be subtly humiliated, to be blamed for naming what others didn't wanna see, to be pushed to make it smoother instead of making it true.
• 6:32
  And this is where I wanna be very honest, because this part matters.
• 6:37
  When I was inside that workplace, I didn't stay regulated the way Jose Altuve does at the plate.
• 6:43
  I tried to stay perfect.
• 6:45
  I tried to be what they wanted me to be.
• 6:48
  I tried to smooth things over.
• 6:50
  I tried to carry what wasn't mine.
• 6:53
  I was actually suppressing and repressing What I couldn't clearly see was happening inside the organization.
• 7:01
  And when I named it, I wasn't met with responsibility.
• 7:05
  I was met with humiliation.
• 7:09
  At one point, my direct leader told me that if it were up to her.
• 7:13
  I wouldn't even be there.
• 7:15
  That's not feedback.
• 7:17
  That's definitely not leadership.
• 7:20
  That's what happens when a system cannot tolerate truth.
• 7:24
  And here's the part, people don't talk about enough.
• 7:27
  I wasn't burned out because I wasn't good enough.
• 7:31
  I was burned out because I was trying to be perfect inside a system built on entitlement.
• 7:39
  The leadership felt entitled to comfort, to control, to never being challenged.
• 7:45
  And when that entitlement was threatened, it got projected outward.
• 7:50
  I was not failing at my job.
• 7:52
  I was carrying what leadership refused to look at.
• 7:56
  That is not excellence.
• 7:59
  That's a system eating its own people.
• 8:02
  And this is exactly why I teach what I teach now.
• 8:08
  This doesn't just happen at work.
• 8:10
  It happens in families.
• 8:12
  It happens in relationships.
• 8:14
  It happens anywhere.
• 8:15
  People feel entitled to others managing their emotions.
• 8:20
  There's shame.
• 8:21
  There's blame.
• 8:22
  There's condemnation, there's silence, there's scapegoating.
• 8:25
  There's gaslighting.
• 8:28
  Those are not leadership tools.
• 8:31
  They are signs of dysregulation.
• 8:37
  The solution is not perfection.
• 8:40
  The solution is non-attachment.
• 8:43
  You are not entitled to outcomes and radical responsibility.
• 8:48
  Manage your emotions with no shame, no condemnations and no excuses, and then there's courage.
• 8:57
  Take action despite the fear and show up anyway.
• 9:01
  That's how excellence actually works in sports, in leadership, in families, in life.
• 9:09
  So next time you watch a game or walk into a meeting, act your cut.
• 9:15
  Ask yourself, am I demanding perfection or am I practicing excellence?
• 9:21
  Because excellence doesn't require humiliation, it requires presence, and that's something every leader can learn.