Latest / Postcards to the Universe / Corey Lyon Folsom

Transcript

Corey Lyon Folsom · Postcards to the Universe

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa Capria. Do
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: you believe in magic? What if you were told that
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: all you had to do was get a little creative
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and work a magic spell to bring anything you can
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: imagine into your life. Here on Postcards to the Universe,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: we will share manifesting tips, postcards, creativity, abundance, and prosperity.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Here is your host, Melissa Capria.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Hi everybody, and welcome to Postcards to the Universe with
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Melissa creating the life you crave. How are you guys
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: doing on this Wednesday? I hope everybody is doing well.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: I'm doing pretty good considering that I got the flu
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: for the first time. Probably God, it's been over a decade,
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I would say, And yeah, wow, it's no joke, man.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: I still have a little bit of a cough, so
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: you may hear me clearing my voice a little bit,
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: but I feel much better. Holy cow, that really knocks
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: you out. So I know a lot of people are
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: sick right now, so take care of yourself, you know,
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: get lots of rest, drink lots of fluids, because it's
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: no joke. When you when you get hit, it takes you.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: It takes you down. But I have a cool show today.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: I have author Corey lyon Fulsome with me today and
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: we're going to be speaking on his book Soul Statements,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: A Love coaches Guide to Successful Communication, and he's going
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: to join me in just a few minutes. I just
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: want to say thanks to the people that listen to
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: me regularly. I get your emails, and I really love
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: that you enjoy my show and you like the guests
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: that I have on. If you're joining me for the
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: first time, welcome, And just so you know, you can
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: listen to any show on a replay on Old Times
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Radio in the archives, on any podcasting platform, and on
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Postcards to the Universe dot com under podcasts, and there's
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: always a description of the guests that I'm speaking with
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: and what the show is going to be about. So
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: I really hope you check out some of my other shows.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Just a little bit about me. I'm an artist, I'm
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: an author, I'm a photographer.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: I have a book.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: It's titled Postcards to the Universe, Harness the Universe's power
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: and manifest your dreams. And I talk about manifesting in
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: the book and I use postcards to help with that,
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: and I have people create manifesting postcards where it's kind
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: of like a vision board, a little one, and they
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: send it to me. I photograph it, and when their
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: story shows up in their what they put on their postcard,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: I should say shows up in their reality and physical form,
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: I share their stories. So there's thirty of those in
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: my book and it it's just been so much.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Fun doing this project.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I'm always asking for manifesting postcards, So if you want
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: to send me one, I hope that you do. What
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: is it that you want to bring into your life?
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Is there something that you want? Do you want to move,
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: do you want a new relationship, do you want a
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: different job, you want your health to be better, you
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  Speaker 2: want financial abundance, Create a postcard around it, send it
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: to me, let me know you sent it, and you
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: know we'll share your story when it shows up in
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  Speaker 2: your reality. Also, if you're like, what, how do I
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: create one? Just go to my website postcardsuniverse dot com
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: and there is a how to create a manifesting postcard
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: and the address to send it. So and if you
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: have any questions, just reach out to me. You can
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: email me and I would love to answer your questions.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: So just a little reminder for those of you who
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: are in the South Florida area, we are having a
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: big show, a big art show here where I live.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: I have gallery in the space of I live in
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: an artist community, so we have a three story gout
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  Speaker 2: in our space and we're having a reception February twenty.
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  Speaker 3: First from six to ten.
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  Speaker 2: So I would love for you to come out and
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  Speaker 2: if you need information on where it is, and I
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: posted it on my social media so you could see
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: it there, but just reach out and I'll tell you
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  Speaker 2: I would love to see you here. I'm really excited.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: I'm one of the curators of the show and it's
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: been It looks amazing. Seriously, it's like museum quality. We
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: did such a good job. Okay, so let me now
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  Speaker 2: get to my guest today. Corey Lyon Fulsom has been
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: a professional tracker, aboriginal skills instructor, wilderness guide for newly
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: sober people, and a vision quest leader. After a spiritual
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: soul awakening, Corey participated in Ipsilu Sour School of tw Yoga,
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  Speaker 2: Love Coach Academy, and Tony Robbins programs as a certified
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: NLP practitioner and Love and Relationship coach.
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  Speaker 3: He assists people from all.
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  Speaker 2: Over the world to increase the soulfulness, clarity, and ease
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  Speaker 2: with which they experience life. Corey's passionate about helping people
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  Speaker 2: expand their empathy and communication skills. Corey's books Sole Statements,
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: a Love Coach's Guide to Successful Communication, is a guide
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: for increasing inner clarity and for better communication. It offers
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: simple methods for making small shifts that produce outside outsized
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: benefits and love and life. Along the way, readers will
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: be inspired and engaged with stories from his wilderness experiences
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: and real life examples of persons who have used soul
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  Speaker 2: Statements to increase personal fulfillment.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Sole Statements has been.
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  Speaker 2: Awarded the best Communication Book of the Year by Best
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Holistic Life magazine.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: Oh that's a that's quite an honor.
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  Speaker 2: So if you want to find out more about Corey
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: and his work, go to I'm gonna I'm gonna spell it.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: It's CEO r E E l A t i O
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: n ship dot com. So it's core relationship dot com.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome Corey, thanks for being here with me today.
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: Thanks Melissa, I'm glad to be here with you.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I'm excited and you know, right before we were going on.
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  Speaker 2: You're asking me about my demographic, and truthfully, I would
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: say my biggest demographic is women over men, and it's
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: mostly women who are thirty five and old older, and
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: a lot of them are divorced and starting dating again
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: and looking to have a different, more kind of soulful relationship.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: So you're a perfect guest for for my demographic because
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: a lot of us, who you know, got into relationships
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: when we were young.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: We had no idea what we were doing.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Right, We didn't know how to communicate at all, you know,
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  Speaker 2: And now we're kind of like rebuilding our lives and
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: rebuilding our relationships and wanting to explore other things. So
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: I think that whatever you could share with us would
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: be really, really beneficial. So the first thing I'm going
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: to ask you is how did you get into this
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: kind of work?
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: Oh gosh, well, I I went through a whole series
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: of personal growth workshops, a bunch of which weren't mentioned
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: in your introduction, and you know, people just started asking
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: me for help with you know, deepening their intimacy, you know,
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: just basically just slowing down and being with each other.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: And it just it was my joy to help them,
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: and so and at some point I started working with
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: love and relationship coach to help me because I was
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: trying to navigate my own process, and so I was
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  Speaker 4: so impressed with how important and how much progress I
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: made working with him that you know, I made a
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: study of it and eventually became a love and relationship
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  Speaker 4: coach with myself for myself. And you know, it's kind
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: of like I was the first patient, so to speak,
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: their client, I should say, not patient, but yeah, And
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: it's funny because you're the people you described, women thirty
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  Speaker 4: five plus who that's exactly who shows up in my
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: coaching practice.
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: They want to.
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: Prepare themselves to do it differently next time.
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  Speaker 2: It's true because I'm middle aged, so most of my
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: friends are around my age, and everybody that I know
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: is either divorced or has been married for at least
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: or been with somebody for at least fifteen to twenty
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: years almost and many, unfortunately are not happy. You know,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: they get that monotonous kind of thing and maybe they've
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: you know, they've distanced themselves from each other, kids, life,
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: it takes over, and don't really know how to reconnect
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: with their partners, you know, who they love. They don't
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: want a divorce, But maybe there's the intimacy, like you said,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: is gone, you know, in the relationship. And it's a
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: different world now too, right, because women don't need to
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: get married anymore for financial stability, you know, so more
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: women are making choices to be single. More women are
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: becoming choosier because they're not dependent on man for their
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: own survival.
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  Speaker 3: So let's talk about all that kind of stuff.
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: Definitely, go ahead.
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  Speaker 3: I can't wait to hear your what you think is
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: going on? What's going on?
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: Well, you know, one of my teachers was fond of
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: saying relationships don't typically end for lack of love, they
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: end for lack of intimacy. And he's so right, you know. Yeah,
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: it's so easy to pay less and less attention to
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: maybe reminding yourself of the reasons you're together in the
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: first place, and slowing down and just taking an extra
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  Speaker 4: I mean, what's the harm in taking an extra fifteen
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: seconds when you're leaving the house or when you're coming
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  Speaker 4: back to just say hello friend, you know, and I'm
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: pleased to be on this journey with you, or you know,
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  Speaker 4: whatever form that might take. It doesn't take long to
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: do these beautiful touch ins and and but we don't.
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  Speaker 3: Typically why don't we? How do you think we don't?
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  Speaker 2: Like, well, we'll go out of our way to be
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: our best self for a stranger, Right, you go to
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: a party, you meet somebody, you'll go out of your
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: way and so you have your representative show up right,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: the best version of yourself. But when we come home,
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: you know, we shut the door and we may not
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: even be speaking to our partners and just be like
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go watch TV. Like we don't give
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: the same courtesy. And why do humans do that?
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  Speaker 4: OK?
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: I know it's a difficult question.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, indeed, there's certainly a lot that goes into that.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: You know, I think we we want things from each other,
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: and I think it's it's a tendency to kind of
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: outsource our happiness in a way to the other person,
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: and like, well, you're the source of my love and
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: my comfort and my my safety and all this, and
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: it's it's really a freeing moment when you realize that
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: you yourself are you know, the source of love is
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: within you, in your own heart, and the source of
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: you know, you can self soothe and you can you know,
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: I like to say self care is soul care and
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: where where this person that you're with, this intimate someone. Ah,
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: that's who you want to express love with and you
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: want to hopefully by doing so, you're inspired to be
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: your best self and to and to be seen and
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: to be and to see. And I really like the
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: definition of intimacy, which is into me, you see. And
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: I know it's kind of corny, but it's true.
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: And I heard that.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, and to me, you see, I like that.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: That's really really really interesting.
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, it's an old and older, more common metaphor
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: is the potted plant, you know, the relationship like the
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: plant that needs a little bit of water, you know,
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: semi regularly, and then it needs a good soaking every once.
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: In a while. And that's what we need in our relationships.
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: We you know, if we ignore it, it.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: Will go away, and it never does. And I think
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: you're right.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: I think we look to our partners for our happiness,
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: and I think we make big mistakes there when we
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: do that right, because if somebody else is responsible for
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: your happiness, the pressure that you've just put on that
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: person and the relationship right is just too much. And
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: I also think we don't know how to communicate, right, Like,
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: nobody teaches you how to do that.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: So so for anybody, what.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Should we do, what should we do to start to
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: like learn how to communicate?
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, you know, it's kind of scary, Melissa that
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: our parents are typically our you know, sexual slash relationship gurus.
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: That's that's the modeling we have, and so and so.
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: We also don't want to make.
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: Our partner our therapist and so and you know, leading
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: right into communication too much of the time we lead
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: with a problem or a complaint and yeah, versus versus
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: something that's good and true. And you know, I do
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: love being with you.
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: And in the.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: Interest of making it even better, can you take a
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: few minutes just to talk something out right now? I mean,
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: that's that's a way to start. And so, yeah, it's
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: it's the communication.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: I like to lead with the positive, you know. And
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: and one of the good.
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: News is successful communications a learned skill. Okay, that's great
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: because that means we can all learn. And and so
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: we want to speak not from our head and not
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: from our complaints and are, but from our center and
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: our heart and just say and just remember that's what's
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: most important. And so in my you know, one of
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: the basis is of my book Soul Statements is that
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: by remembering who you are the circumstance beneath wherey, you
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: can speak from your values and your value and so
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: one of I mean you could think of a soul
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: Statements as a postcard from a postcard from the universe
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: or to the universe, as what's right about me is
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: always available. So and as my serenity increases, I can
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: whold circumstance more lightly. And so when you remind yourself
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: of your own resourcefulness, you're automatically into shifting into a
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: little better state. And if you're in a better state,
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: you're better able to hear maybe what someone else has
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: to say. You can listen without trying to make your point,
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: and that tends to go better.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes sense.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: And I also imagine that women and men communicate very differently.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: Remember that book, what was that book? Women Men Are
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: from Mars, Women Are from Venus or whatever? I was
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: like hugely popular back.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: In the day. So, so do you in your book.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Talk about that about you know, what what like women
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: can do to maybe understand how men communicate and what
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: men can do to understand how women communicate and how
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: we can cry each other better because a lot of
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: it is I think we're not listening to each other, right.
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: Yes, And and so one of the things that I
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: think about in my partnership is, oh, I'm wanting more
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: listening or I'm wanting more attention of some type, Well,
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: maybe I should offer that. So if I if I'm
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: feeling like I want to be listened to, maybe offer listening.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: And and so I'm I'm I'm also I'm giving what
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: I would hope to receive. And and I can also
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: just speak up for my needs if if that's not
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: you know, the response that I was hoping for. And
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: I like to also say clarity is the new sexy
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: and just. And that doesn't mean you have to be
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: a you know, a jerk about it. You can just
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: the and And that's why I'm a big fan of
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: I'm kind of skipping around a little bit of spending
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: time feeding your own spirit or or anchoring to you know,
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: what you're really made of semi regularly or regularly is
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: so that you can not be just, you be a
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: little more self assured and and be able to hold
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: space for someone else's what they want to say and
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: and then and paying attention and to the impact that
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: you're having on other people. And so someone maybe smarter
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: than me said a while back. I actually heard it
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: on the radio. They said, everyone else is the world's
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: leading authority on their motivation, right, and you're the You're
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: the world's leading authority on their impact on you. So
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: if we learned to pay attention to our impact, that
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: will go a long way. And also when we feel
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: our heart contracting a little bit, or we feel a
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: little out, or you know, a tone strikes us the
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: wrong way. I'm a big fan of offering acknowledgment to
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: your own heart first, so that self empathy, acknowledging your
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: your own feelings, and it can you know, it doesn't
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: have to be long or obvious.
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: You can just do it silently.
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: If you're by yourself, maybe put a hand on your
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: heart and say, oh, that didn't feel good. Okay, yeah,
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: well I trust love, I can handle whatever happens. And
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: then you know, and then you just get that little
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: bit of space to then respond in a better way.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: Respond. So I have well, I want to make a
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: statement and ask you a question.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: So I think that we expect because we think we
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: know each other so well that our partners can read
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: our minds. First of all, they can't, right, well, you know,
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: like what's going on? And then you'll get nothing. I'm fine,
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Well you're not right, So you want to say.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: What's going on?
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: That happens a lot.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: So how do we start a dialogue with a partner
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: if we feel like, you know, I really need to
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: connect with you, or I really need to talk with
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: you when you're when that's so difficult for you to
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: do because you've come from that background of well, they
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: know me, they should just know how I'm feeling, you know, right.
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, And the thing is from the man's perspective. MM.
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: But my what my woman.
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: Tells me she's thinking has much less effect than if
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: she tells me what she's feeling, because the thought and
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: the evaluation of this or that, you know, can be
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: argued with or or contested in some way, and it's
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: just like, well you think that, well I think this.
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: Okay, Well we think.
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: Something different, and that doesn't necessarily get us too far.
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: Whereas if she says to me, you know, I'm feeling torn, skeptical, centered, intrigued,
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: open hearted, disappointed, you know, whatever, it may be I
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: can say, oh, I know what that feels like. I
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: felt disappointed before, and I love her, I like her.
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: I don't want her to feel that. So I'm I'm
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: then interested in what's going on. And that's what helps me,
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: is if and I like to say, how you feel
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: affects me more than what you think. And so that's
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: from the man's side and from the woman's side.
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: You know, praise is food. It is a form of food,
• 22:49
  Speaker 5: and so.
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: If we can speak to how we really feel about
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: the other person, that's a good thing. And one of
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: the helpful attitudes that I hold is that my partner
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: wasn't drafted for this position. She's a volunteer, and so
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: I like, well, maybe, yeah, maybe she deserves a little patients,
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: a little more patients. And you know, she didn't, you know,
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: sign up to be snark at or whatever else. She
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: signed up to create a wonderful experience, co create that together.
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: And so yeah, just remembering she wasn't drafted is and
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: she's a volunteer is really helpful.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that works on both sides. Do you
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: see couples a lot or.
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: Do you mostly Do you see couples come to you
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: for coaching.
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, couples do. I would say that's probably ten percent
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: of who comes to me. The other ninety percent or
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: the you know, the single woman who want to create
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: something different.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: Interesting.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: Now, I wonder how it is the communication in gay relationships,
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: like two women who are a couple or two men
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: who are a couple, like, because you know, maybe their
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: communication styles are more similar. I mean, I don't know,
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: you know, it was just just crossed my mind, like
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: I don't want to leave out like people who are gay, right,
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: like they have right of course, so they may have
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: some communication issues in their own relationship just depending on
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: how they were raised. You know, maybe their dad never
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: spoke and their mom never shut up, or you know,
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: and it's just.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: Like I don't know how to talk to my partner.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: So I think I think that really needs to be
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: taught to us on how to communicate what we're feeling
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: honestly without blaming other people, because I don't think.
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: We have to hear that.
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you're exactly right, And that's where curiosity comes into play.
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: So you know, this person didn't grow up in my family,
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: in my neighborhood, in my school with my bullies or
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: you know, my relatives or you know, maybe or maybe
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: not my gender, you know, all these all these things,
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: they had different pressures and and influences, and so of
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: course they're going to respond differently than I would in
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: a given situation. And so I think just realizing, oh, what,
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: how they're responding is perfectly natural given their history. So
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: there's that and the other. The other thing is with
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: with same sex couples, there's generally one person that's more
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: directive to the point, action oriented, and the other and
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: there's another person that's more feeling oriented, and and so
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: if it's a polarity, it's not necessarily masculine things in
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: it's just there's just different there's emotional differences, and just
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: recognizing speaking to them, bringing those two conscious awareness and going, oh,
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: you're different than me. You're not going to react to
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: the way or respond the way I would. Of course
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: you wouldn't. And so that gives a little more patience
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: right there.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we really need like skills in this area.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Like if I just go by my family, I come
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: from a family or Italian all of long long relationships
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: and my parents have been married over fifty years, you know,
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: and they debate constantly, but it works for them, right,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: every feeling they have comes out every feeling.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: So that's how I grew up.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: And I have a tendency to be over emotional sometimes,
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: and I've noticed from others or partners, especially Max husband.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: He came from a family that just shut down when
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: things got too much. They shut down and he closed
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: off and I was like, no, no, no, that's not
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: the way we do it right. So I do think
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: that anybody listening who is looking for a relationship really
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: needs to look at your book because I know you
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: have exercises in your book too, and we're going to
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: talk about that. I just noticed the time. Let's take
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: our break here. We'll come back in a couple of minutes,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: and I want to talk more about something some tools
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: we can get for having better communication in our relationship.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Stay tuned, guys, be back in just a couple of minutes.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: Conscious Media for conscious Minds ome Times host your show
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  Speaker 6: My name is Victor Furman. Some call me the Voice.
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• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Melissa Kaprio from Postcards to the Universe, Creating.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: The life you crave. Do you believe in magic? What
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: if I told you.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: All you had to do was get a little creative
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: and work a dream spell to bring anything you can
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: imagine into your life.
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  Speaker 3: Well, guess what I've got the spell for you.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Postcards to the Universe, a global movement for manifestation, is
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  Speaker 2: a casting magical tool for you to use whenever you want.
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  Speaker 2: How does living and Passion sound to you join me
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: in my movement where you get to create in the
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: magical playground. Let's think outside the box and do some
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: playful conjuring. By casting out our desires with a manifesting postcard,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: we explore our hearts and allow the alchemy of our
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: dreams to appear. And don't forget to tune in each
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: week here on Ome Times Radio with my show Postcards
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: to the Universe, Creating the Life you crave at four
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: pm Eastern Time, I share tips on creativity, abundance and prosperity,
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: and we will be introduced to the coolest guests, trailblazers,
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: mystics and creatives who enrich our lives. Hi, and welcome
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: back if you're just joining me. I have author Corey
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: Lyon Folsom with me and we're speaking from his books
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Sole Statements, A Love Coaches Guide to Successful Communication. Don't
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: you think communication is like the main thing in any relationship?
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: I mean romantic friends, you know, co workers?
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: Communication? We need to learn how to communicate with each other.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Indeed, yeah, right, indeed, yeah, of course we do so.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: In the book, do you have tools or exercises that
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: teach us how to become better communicators and better listeners.
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I would say the book is full of that
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: from start to finish. And I was actually just leafing
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: through the book during the little break and I came
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: across an example, and I just wonder.
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: It's just very short. I'll just set it, and I say, so.
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: A friend once gave an elegant example of the importance
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: of tuning up. My girlfriend was in a bit of
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: distress and apologized to him for being sensitive. And my
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: friend said, on the contrary, your attunement is a valuable
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: flag for me to tune up my own sensitivity.
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: And so that was that.
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: Wow, what a wonderful response, and so and I have
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: this this. Then I go on to talk about how
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: I think you can think of your partner as an
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: emotional weather vein and and so, you know, and while
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: listening to your partner, try and give your mind a rest,
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: you know, trying you're not necessarily trying to think while
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: they're talking, but just give your mind a rest and
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: just listen. And you're you're When you can listen in
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: an undefended manner, you can better hear what's critical to
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: know about how other people experience you. And so, uh,
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: and I'm looking here. This an emotional weather report practice,
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: and that's basically asking for an emotional weather report and
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: then respecting what is said in the reply. And so
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: I will stay to my lovely woman.
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: I'll say, how's.
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: The weather, and she knows I'm talking about the emotional weather,
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: what's going on inside her?
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: So I like that. I like that, that's how the weather.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: That's great.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because usually we're we're listening to respond. That's what
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: we're doing, so we haven't even heard what the other
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: person is saying. We just want to give our own perspective, right.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: We love the sound of our own voices, you know,
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: so we feel so like, well, I have to give
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: you my opinion, you know. And no, that's not really
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: what's helpful right now? So do you I know a
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: couple and I think that this is really sweet that
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: they have a you know, because obviously life is busy,
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: if you have kids or you have busy jobs, you
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: might not be able to do it every day. But
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: they make a date once a week and it's non negotiable,
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: and it's whether they go out or they stay home,
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: it doesn't matter. It is for them to spend with
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: each other. No phones, no distractions to check in. And
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: I think it's like such a wonderful thing that they
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: do because it keeps their communication open with each other
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: and they feel that intimacy that we were talking about
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: in the beginning of the show.
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: I'm a big fan of that, and I know other
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: other people that I've worked with they actually create a
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: little formula and and maybe these people do too, where
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: it's basically it's starting with what's working. You know, hey this,
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: you know this was when when this happened this last week,
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: that really worked for me. I liked that and so
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: and then then you can say, well, what could be better?
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: What what didn't work so well? And then the final
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: piece of that is here's my request going forward?
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well, I mean if you think about it,
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: like we're always learning new skills for our jobs, right,
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: or like you know, you're always like you're always putting
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: the work in for your career or or you know
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: that kind of stuff, but we forget that relationships, like
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: anything else, like the potted plant, you have to nurture,
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: you have to put the work in.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: You have to put the time in if you.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: Want it to be a good and healthy relationship like
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: that couple. I just said, they're one of the few
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: couples that I know that I would say are very happy.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: You can feel when other people. You can feel when
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: you're with.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: A couple and they're like not happy, you know, like
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: you can feel it, especially if you're sensitive, you know.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: And they're one of the few that I know that
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: are healthy and a happy couple. But they put the
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: work into each other sustain the relationship. Yeah, so how
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: what could we do on a daily or weekly or
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: monthly basis with our partners who if we want to
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: try to reconnect with that person.
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: And maybe start by asking them what they would like
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: more of, right, and maybe you could say, you know
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: what little blocks of time in the week could be
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: just for us. So it doesn't have to be, you know,
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: just the one hour that we have this little formal
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: sit down, but you know what time in each day
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: could be just for us. And I also I'm a
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: big fan of you know, setting aside that time that's
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: just for you, and I impeally both people do that,
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: but you know that just just centering whatever grounds you
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: and centers you and connects you to you, I'm a
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: fan of. And there's some people that's surfing other people,
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: that's sitting on a meditation cushion and or strolling or
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: a hard workout, whatever it is, where you feel more you,
• 36:57
  Speaker 4: that's great, And so you don't want to make that
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: not a priority. And and so it's just I'm especially
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: a fan of just some form of stillness where you're
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: I mean, because that's how we hear the little whispers
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: of spirits were quiet because there were you know.
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: So yeah, just some just some quiet time.
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: And just you know, with my quiet time, I'm not
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: trying to do anything. I'm not trying to solve a
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: question or anything like that. My goal is to be
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: as still and quiet as possible. It's like I'm sometimes
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: i feel like I'm off illness, and I look at
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: it as the goal is to find Corey, and then
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: the rest of the day the goal. Now that I
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: found Corey, the goal is to keep him. And I
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: do that by using my voice in you know, in
• 38:06
  Speaker 4: support of my needs.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm a big proponent of of of taking the
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: time out for yourself, huge, huge proponent of that because
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: I think it keeps us grounded and centered, and it
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: it enables us to be able to handle what life
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: throws at us better, right, connecting with yourself and then
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: you're filling your own cup up so that you have more.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: To give to others around you.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: Right, Because if you're haired and you're always doing for
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: everybody else and not yourself, then you start to build
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: resentment and and all that that kind of stuff happens.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: So I'm really curious about how being a willed because
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: we didn't really talk about your background, how you being
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: a wilderness guide taught was what did that show you
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: about the intimacy were talking about relationships?
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: How did that help.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: You in this work that you're doing.
• 39:06
  Speaker 5: Well, Melissa?
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: What I found was that when you're out there far
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: far from any other you know, support from from other
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: people or you know, a roof over your head or
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: anything like that, it's like, well, firstly, we really have
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: to depend on each other, whoever is in the group.
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: And one thing it showed me was you cannot predict,
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: or I couldn't predict with any accuracy, who would be
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: the person that would get us through a given situation.
• 39:46
  Speaker 5: It's like, oh, well, this.
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: Person's you know, strong and fast hiker and they could
• 39:51
  Speaker 4: do all this. Well, yeah, well then they twist their ankle,
• 39:54
  Speaker 4: and now they're not.
• 39:55
  Speaker 5: They're now they're the weakest. And maybe maybe somebody.
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: Who was kind of slacking in a bunch of ways,
• 40:04
  Speaker 4: well maybe they come up with that one fantastic idea
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: of what to do next when nobody else knows what
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: to do. And and so you just I learned to
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: just respect people's differences and know that people shine in
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: different situations. And there's also a respect for the forces
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: of life, the forces that are larger than us, the weather,
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: the topography, darkness, the seasons, and just the unexpected and
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: and that, and just remembering that people's differences can become
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: assets depending on the situation. And these these obstacles and
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: these frustrations that arise, they show us where we need
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: to work, you know, self empathy, communication, maybe asking for help,
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: maybe being a help to someone else. And and I
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: also I'm a bit obviously I'm a big fan of
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: alone time. And so I would give people time alone
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: every day just to sit and maybe they could journal
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: or not, and just to just to just spe by
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: themselves for forty five minutes or an hour. And and
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: and what I also found was unexpected kindnesses. It really
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: you talked about an outside impact, you know, when you're
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: when you're somebody offers you a drink of water when
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: you you've you've been out of water for the last
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: three hours and it's hot, and you're like, oh my gosh,
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: thank you so much.
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: They didn't need to do that because that's their you know, water.
• 41:42
  Speaker 5: So and there's always a solution.
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: It seems like when we when we're not fighting each other,
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: when we're working together and we're you know, combining resources,
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: and it seems like there's always a solution. And sometimes
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: it takes courage and creativity, but it's there. One of
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: the things I used to do with this one program
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: I worked at for about nine nine years actually is
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: we would put people out one by one as it
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: got dark and they weren't carrying anything, and they would
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: we set them out on a dirt road and then
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: forty five minutes another person would start walking and they
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: would have to walk twenty to twenty five miles before sunrise,
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: and so they had to keep moving and.
• 42:31
  Speaker 5: It was dark.
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: There was no flashlights, just starlight. And what a wonderful
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: way to have things come up and work through stuff
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: when you're just alone walking all night.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: Wo Yeah, because we're not talking about glamping here, people,
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: We're not. When you say wilderness guide, he means like
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: real wilderness, Like you got your canteena water, you got
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: to make it last, and you got your hiking boots
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: and probably what pocket knife and like that's it.
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's about it. A blanket, I mean, we didn't
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: have sleeping bags are tense. We just had a blanket.
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: God, that's hardcore, man, that's hardcore.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: But I can see how that teaches you how you
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: can rely on yourself. It's going to bring stuff up,
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: and how you can rely if you're in a group
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: with those people, because it's almost about how do we survive?
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: We have to depend on each other to get through
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: this experience, right you know? So yeah, that's really really
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: kind of that's kind of interesting. Yeah, that's really really
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: Are you still doing these wilderness retreats or guides or
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: not anymore?
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: Just personal personal wilderness you know things.
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: Oh that's really cool.
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I can't carry a pack anymore do it to
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: a back injury, So it's day trips. But I'll I'll
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: drive somewhere really awesome and then just go walk for
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: the day or go find somewhere to just sit and
• 44:03
  Speaker 4: be yeah.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, be with yourself, and then I'm sure, yeah, yeah,
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: that's really really great.
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: That's really cool.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: So for those people who are listening right now and
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: they're like, Okay, my relationship is a disaster, but I
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: love this person.
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: I don't want to leave. I want to put in
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: the work and I want to.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: I want peace in my relationship and harmony. How what
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: would be the first thing that person should do or
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: should ask themselves or should you know, what steps should
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: they take to kind of move in that direction?
• 44:44
  Speaker 5: Oh that's easy.
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: Number one, A complaint fast. So no complaining and that
• 44:52
  Speaker 4: includes inside your own head.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: Oh that's hard, I know.
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: So I mean, we is great, longer is even better.
• 45:03
  Speaker 4: But just stop complaining. I mean, you can complain about
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: stuff that's not associated with the relationship. Maybe you know
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: there's something at work or whatever, but no complaints at
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: or about that other person. And I'm telling you it's magic.
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: No, it's good. I try to I try not to complain.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: I really do. And I catch myself sometimes complaining, especially
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: about world events especially, you know, but I try not
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: to complain about things that I might not like, you know,
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: in my life. And I've noticed It's shifted a lot
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: of things for me. Of course, I don't know. I'm
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: not always successful at it, but I'm aware of it
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: at least, so I've gotten quite a lot better.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: And I remember listening to.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: Louise Hey give a talk one time and she said
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: when she decided to stop complaining and stop gossiping, she
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: said she didn't speak to anybody for like a week
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: because she didn't. You know, it kind of shows you
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: like our habits, the habits that we that we're not
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: even aware that we're doing.
• 46:19
  Speaker 5: Mm oh, it can be.
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: It can be an addiction, you know, to complaint, complaining,
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: and you know, feeling in some sense of I'm valuable
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: in some way because I'm I have complaints and it's
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: this it's not super healthy, No it's not.
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: And nobody wants to hear it. That's the other thing.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: Nobody wants to you know.
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: And the truth is, yeah, absolutely, you know. And the
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: thing is that we each have a certainty and a
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: knowing that's deeper than your thoughts. And you know, the
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: soul statements themselves, and the whole book it's based on
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: the premise that are in your center and what's inside
• 47:02
  Speaker 4: of you is greater than what's outside of you. And
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: so you know, by by reminding yourself, my soul knows
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: what to do, my body knows how to heal itself.
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: I can call upon the grit inside meat. I have
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: a certainty that's deeper than my thoughts. These little you know,
• 47:20
  Speaker 4: soul steaming postcards, if you will, emotional postcards, that's what
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: will re anchor you and get you pointed in the
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: right direction.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: M Well, that that makes sense. And that must be
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: why you like to talk about being in the present,
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: living in the present moment, right, Yeah, yeah, because we're
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: in the present, we're having the actual experience and we're
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: not worried about you know, what's going to happen in
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: the future, or going over the past and complaining about
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: everything that we didn't like.
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: Right right, And and the thing is that that's I mean,
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: life doesn't really respond the well to what you want,
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: what you don't want, but it does respond to presence
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: and alignment, and so that's where that's where victory is
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: to be found, so to speak.
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's true.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: So talk a little bit about what you mean by dreams,
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: live or die, by your daily rituals.
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: What do you mean by that.
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: Well, you know, your rituals, you know, it becomes who
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: you are. It's what you do and and it's how
• 48:34
  Speaker 4: you keep tapping back into you and your deep knowing.
• 48:40
  Speaker 4: And so I like to say time spent cultivating your
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: spirit is never lost. And these everyday routines, they they're
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: will align you with your self image for better or worse,
• 48:55
  Speaker 4: to your vision, to your goals. And you know, like
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: I call my mother every week. You know that's a ritual.
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: And it's if I.
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: Didn't do that, I'd have to change my estimation of
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: what kind of sun I think I am. So I'm
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: aligning with you know that the person I want to
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: be by doing that. And so it's kind of keeping
• 49:21
  Speaker 4: small promises to yourself. And I have a post it
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: on my doorway. It says I'm looking at it right now.
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: It says two millimeters up and it reminds me to
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: lift my diaphragm a little when I go through the doorway.
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: And and you.
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: Know, we need these.
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: These routines to It's like life is is like steering
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: a boat in the ocean.
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: You just got You can't just hold the that wheel.
• 49:47
  Speaker 4: It's back, it's forth, and it just constant adjustments and
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: it's just how it is and how it will always be.
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: And I like to remind myself sometimes when I'm doing
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: something hard but that's good for me, like on the
• 50:02
  Speaker 4: treadmill or whatever. I'm saying, I'm doing this as an
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: act of love.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: And so yeah, yeah, it's like it is work. But
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: once the ritual becomes ingrained, it's something you start to
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: look forward to, especially if you're finding joy in it.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: Like I've finally started meditating. It's more of a visualization.
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: I go on every morning, probably about the last eight months,
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: because I've always had trouble meditating and I've finally found
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: what worked for me, and it's a non negotiable. I
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: do it every morning now. I look forward to it
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: when I wake up. It's the first thing I do.
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: Very nice.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: It has totally shifted so many things inside of me.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: It's made me so much of a calmer person.
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: I can't even begin to say.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: But now it's like and it wasn't easy in the beginning, right,
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: but now it's been because I'm doing it now I
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: look forward to it. So I think those are also
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: really really good things that when you have a ritual
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: that starts to make you feel good about yourself.
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: You want to do it, that's.
• 51:12
  Speaker 5: Right, that's right.
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: Oh and I was thinking too. Back to the complaints.
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: I just wanted to make an important point, which is,
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: when you feel yourself wanting to complain to your partner,
• 51:23
  Speaker 4: just substitute a request, like.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: Instead of saying like you never listen to me, you know,
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: say right.
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, oh, you left the garage door open again.
• 51:41
  Speaker 4: It's like, hey, babe, do you mind closing the garage door.
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: That would be I would feel better about that. It
• 51:47
  Speaker 4: would that I'd feel better if it was closed. Done.
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah. It's about like being maybe a little bit kinder
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: to your partner much pressure on them.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: So is there any advice that you would give somebody
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: who wants to end their relationship and they want to
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: give the other partner respect and not just you know,
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: disappear on them, like saying something that they could say
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: that would you know, because sometimes I think people don't
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: know how to leave relationships that aren't working for them.
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I would say prepare yourself by spending time journaling,
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: you know, asking questions like I have a almost every
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: other page in a in the book has journal prompts
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: like what feeds my spirit? You know, what do I
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: really want?
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: And just.
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: Am I connect to my core values as I want
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: to be And so getting really clear on the inside
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: of you know what you how you want your life
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: to be, how you want to be able to live
• 53:13
  Speaker 4: and express and communicate in all these things, and and
• 53:20
  Speaker 4: just having a conversation with your partner. And it can
• 53:26
  Speaker 4: be it can It can start with something like, hey,
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: you know, of course you want to bring this up
• 53:35
  Speaker 4: at a decent enough time, so you know, think of
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: the whole hungry, angler, hungry, angry, lonely, tired or I
• 53:42
  Speaker 4: had hurried so you know, just before bad not a
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: good time, too tired, you know like that, and so
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: and if you have to make an appointment to talk,
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: so be it. But you want to say, you know,
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: I've been thinking about something. It's on my mind and
• 54:03
  Speaker 4: I haven't said it. I haven't talked to you about
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: it because I'm afraid this or that's going to happen.
• 54:13
  Speaker 4: So I'm a I really don't want a fight or
• 54:19
  Speaker 4: a blow up, or you know, to feel distant from
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: you or or whatever it may be. And so because
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: of that, I haven't said anything. And but basically I'm
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: just wondering, you know, what's best for us, and and
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't know what our future looks like.
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: But I want to hold on to the best parts.
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: So that's kind of a little bit of a formula
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: to go off of. And so the best parts.
• 54:50
  Speaker 5: Might be.
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: You know, maybe you were you were probably friends before
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: you were you know, married, or or you know, steady,
• 54:59
  Speaker 4: and so maybe there's those reasons that you were drawn
• 55:03
  Speaker 4: together to begin with. Maybe you can keep those parts
• 55:07
  Speaker 4: and still be you know, friendly with each other. And
• 55:11
  Speaker 4: and maybe but maybe being you know, number one people
• 55:16
  Speaker 4: maybe isn't the best structure.
• 55:19
  Speaker 5: I like.
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: I like to I like to say friendship over form.
• 55:24
  Speaker 4: So keep the you can keep the friendship hopefully, uh,
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: but maybe the form would change.
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: No, that's nice because I think a lot of times
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: we don't even know how to communicate. So we certainly
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: don't know how to break up in a respectfully.
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: And respect manner to our partner.
• 55:42
  Speaker 2: Well, Corey, it's been such a delight talking to you today. Guys,
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: check out his books Those Statements A Love Coach's Guides
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: Successful Communication. It was really a nice conversation that I
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: have with you today, So thank you so much for.
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: Being with me or I really appreciate it.
• 56:00
  Speaker 4: Oh, you're fantastic to be with Melissa.
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: All right, guys, thanks for listening to Postcards to the
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: Universe with Melissa creating the life you crave. And I'm
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: wishing everyone a wonderful weeing filled with joy, abundance and love.
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: Peace,