Latest / The You Project / #1747 Non-Negotiables - Harps

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#1747 Non-Negotiables - Harps · The You Project

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  Speaker 1: Good our team. I hope you will. I hope your
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  Speaker 1: day is going just swimmingly, if it's just starting, if
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  Speaker 1: you're way through, if you're just sliding towards home plate,
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  Speaker 1: I hope things are going well for you. I've got
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  Speaker 1: a question for you. What are your non negotiables for
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  Speaker 1: your life? What are your non negotiables the things that
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  Speaker 1: you will, absolutely no matter what, day in day out,
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  Speaker 1: commit to in terms of who you want to be
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  Speaker 1: and how you want to be, in terms of your values,
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  Speaker 1: in terms of your goals, in terms of your dreams,
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  Speaker 1: in terms of what you want to do on planet you,
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  Speaker 1: what you want to be, who you want to be,
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  Speaker 1: how you want to create, the things that you need
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  Speaker 1: to change and overcome in terms of all of that,
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  Speaker 1: what are your non negotiables? Now? I wouldn't normally say this,
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  Speaker 1: but I'm going to say this for this episode. I
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  Speaker 1: think that it's a good idea, if not now, maybe
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  Speaker 1: later for you to hit the pause button even and
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  Speaker 1: just brainstorm, like, what is it that I want to do? Be? Create?
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  Speaker 1: Who do I want to be? How do I what
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  Speaker 1: do I want my life to look like? In terms
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  Speaker 1: of what I want what needs to be non negotiable.
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  Speaker 1: Do you really want to get in shape? Do you
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  Speaker 1: really want to be fit? Lean, healthy? Is that what
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  Speaker 1: you want? Cool? Tell me you're non negotiables. Not yet,
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  Speaker 1: I'll give it a go and see how it works out. No,
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  Speaker 1: what are you not? What are the things that you
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  Speaker 1: will absolutely no matter what, irrespective of whether or not
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  Speaker 1: you're in the zone, out of the zone, excited, not excited, happy, sad,
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  Speaker 1: cold day, warm day, sunshine, rain. What are the things
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  Speaker 1: that you will truly commit to that will become a
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  Speaker 1: non negotiable part of your operating system, your daily operating system,
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  Speaker 1: the things that you typically do to live in alignment
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  Speaker 1: with the person you want to be in the middle
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  Speaker 1: of the life that you want to create. Because it's very,
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  Speaker 1: very easy to say, these are my non negotiables, Well,
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  Speaker 1: non negotiable for me, I'm going to exercise every day
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  Speaker 1: of thirty minutes. I'm only going to drink booze two
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  Speaker 1: days a week, or I'm going to drink no booze,
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  Speaker 1: or it's easy to talk about this stuff. And we've heard,
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  Speaker 1: you've heard the term non negotiables. And one of the
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  Speaker 1: dangers of listening to me every day is that we
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  Speaker 1: can hear this stuff and go yeah, harps, that's yeah,
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  Speaker 1: that makes sense or that resonates, or but we don't
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  Speaker 1: fucking do anything like we just get eight, ten, twelve
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  Speaker 1: minutes of theory with me, and then we go back
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  Speaker 1: to status quo. We just slip back into groundhog day.
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  Speaker 1: And I want you to enjoy what I talk about,
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  Speaker 1: and I want to inspire and motivate you, and I
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  Speaker 1: want to challenge you and provoke you, and I want
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  Speaker 1: you to slip into that metacognitive kind of experience of
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  Speaker 1: thinking about how you think and thinking also about how
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  Speaker 1: and why you behave the way you do. But also
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  Speaker 1: I would love for these moments that you have with
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  Speaker 1: me to actually lead to something practical, because it's in
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  Speaker 1: the practical that the process happens. It's in the practical
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  Speaker 1: that you become different. It's in the practical that you
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  Speaker 1: start to succeed and move into the place that you
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  Speaker 1: want to be. Experientially, when we identify our non negotiables,
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  Speaker 1: when we get really clear about that, it helps us
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  Speaker 1: navigate life. It helps us It gives us much more
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  Speaker 1: clarity and certainty around decision making, around action taking. And
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  Speaker 1: when I've identified and I am living my non negotiables,
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  Speaker 1: I don't need to rely on inspiration and motivation. They
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  Speaker 1: prevail my non negotiables, my rules, my standards, they prevail
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  Speaker 1: when motivation doesn't. When people say to me, I've had
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  Speaker 1: something like this many times, how do you go out
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  Speaker 1: and everyone's eating a certain way and drinking and drinking
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  Speaker 1: booze or whatever, and you don't Now, I might sound
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  Speaker 1: like a kill joy or a party pooper or a
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  Speaker 1: social dud, And honestly, I'm probably all of that in
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  Speaker 1: many people's eyes. And I get it, and I understand,
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  Speaker 1: and I definitely don't think anybody needs to be like me.
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  Speaker 1: The beauty of me being me is I get to
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  Speaker 1: choose how I am. The beauty of you being you
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  Speaker 1: is you get to choose your operating system and your
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  Speaker 1: non negotiables. But the truth is that how I can
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  Speaker 1: be in a situation where the majority, if not all,
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  Speaker 1: of the people are behaving a certain way and I'm
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  Speaker 1: not is because my operating system, my non negotiables, doesn't
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  Speaker 1: change depending on who I'm with or where I'm at.
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  Speaker 1: And so because for example, one of my non negotiables
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  Speaker 1: is I don't drink alcohol, And again, this is not
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  Speaker 1: a recommendation or a suggestion. But this is one of
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  Speaker 1: my non negotiables. This is one of my rules. This
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  Speaker 1: is one of my standards, and it's not something that
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  Speaker 1: I do when I'm being disciplined or I'm self regulating well,
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  Speaker 1: or I'm in the zone, or I'm particularly motivated or inspired.
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  Speaker 1: And look how fucking good I'm being. I'm with all
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  Speaker 1: of these drinkers and I'm not drinking. No, I just
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  Speaker 1: don't drink. And the reason I don't drink, and the
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  Speaker 1: reason that after years of eating crap and being self
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  Speaker 1: destructive with food, the reason that I'm in a different
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  Speaker 1: place now is because I identify the things that for me,
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  Speaker 1: based on how I want to be and who I
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  Speaker 1: want to be, need to be non negotiable. I know
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  Speaker 1: that personally, I know that how I work emotionally, mentally
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  Speaker 1: and socially around for example, food, I know that I
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  Speaker 1: need to be clear about what's okay for me and
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  Speaker 1: what's not. And because I have absolute clarity and certainty
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  Speaker 1: about what's okay for me, so booze not okay, drugs
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  Speaker 1: not okay, junk food not okay. And the reason is
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  Speaker 1: not because I want to be a teetote or I'm
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  Speaker 1: a party pooper. It's because this is the way that
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  Speaker 1: I think, Oh, I've only got one body, and I
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  Speaker 1: don't have awesome genetics, So what I better do with
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  Speaker 1: this one body that I have that I can't replace?
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  Speaker 1: What I better do is take fucking care of it. Now,
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  Speaker 1: if I said do you want to look after your
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  Speaker 1: body optimally, most of you would go, well, yeah, I'm
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  Speaker 1: going cool. So my next question is regarding you taking
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  Speaker 1: care of your body optimally, what are your non negotiables?
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  Speaker 1: And this is where we start to squirm in our
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  Speaker 1: seats and say things like oh yeah, harps, but you've
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  Speaker 1: got to have a life. And then I go, all right, Brian,
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  Speaker 1: I don't know why it's Brian, what does that mean?
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  Speaker 1: Are you saying that, for example, living the way that
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  Speaker 1: I live with certain rules and parameters around food and
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  Speaker 1: around the way that I socialize, by the way, I
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  Speaker 1: love socializing, love humans, love hanging out with people, love talking.
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  Speaker 1: I just don't need booze or excess food to have
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  Speaker 1: a good time. But that's sometimes what we rationalize bad
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  Speaker 1: behavior with irrational thinking. The truth is none of us
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  Speaker 1: need booze or junk food. That's the truth. That's the
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  Speaker 1: uncomfortable truth. I'm not saying don't drink booze and don't
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  Speaker 1: ever eat junk food. I'm not saying that at all.
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  Speaker 1: I'm saying for you, not for your mom, not for
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  Speaker 1: your dad, not for your partner, not for your kids,
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  Speaker 1: not for your friends, not for your peers. For you,
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  Speaker 1: what for you, based on your health, based on how
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  Speaker 1: you want to feel and function and perform, what needs
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  Speaker 1: to be non negotiable? What about money? What needs to
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  Speaker 1: be non negotiable in terms of the way that you
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  Speaker 1: manage money and the way that you live around money,
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  Speaker 1: your relationship with money? What about your career? What needs
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  Speaker 1: to be non negotiable? What about the way that you
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  Speaker 1: raise your kids? What are your non negotiables? What are
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  Speaker 1: your rules? See here's the thing. When we clearly identify
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  Speaker 1: via our non negotiables, life becomes much easier in terms
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  Speaker 1: of decision making. Maybe easier is not the right word.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe clearer. Decisions and behaviors become much clearer, and initially
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  Speaker 1: maybe hard because we're giving up some stuff that might
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  Speaker 1: be hard to give up, or we're making some changes
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  Speaker 1: that might be hard, But eventually it becomes easier. What
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  Speaker 1: are your non negotiables. What are the things that you
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  Speaker 1: need to identify that aren't working, Like, what am I
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  Speaker 1: doing that's working? What am I doing that's not working?
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  Speaker 1: The stuff that's working great, the stuff that's not working.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to create a few rules. We'll take
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  Speaker 1: quick break. We'll be back in a minute. It's how
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  Speaker 1: I roll. Okay, we're back. So my question dejure, my
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  Speaker 1: departing question for you is this, what is a sometimes behavior? So,
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  Speaker 1: in other words, what's a thing that you do sometimes
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  Speaker 1: because you know that you should, but then you eventually
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  Speaker 1: don't do it because whatever happens right doesn't matter why?
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  Speaker 1: But what's a sometimes in inverted Comma's behavior that needs
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  Speaker 1: to become an all the time behavior or in other words,
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  Speaker 1: a non negotiable on planet you? All right, now, go
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  Speaker 1: do some work. See tomorrow.