Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #24: 7 Steps to Totally Terrible Parenting

Transcript

#24: 7 Steps to Totally Terrible Parenting · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Kilson, where
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Luke and Susie parents of three young boys, and this
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: is the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: wants some answers.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: Now. I'm loving today's topic sues because it's one of
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: the times we're talking about marriage and parenting where I
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: feel like I'm actually coming in as the expert.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Joining us from Happy Families dot Com. That are you,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: doctor Justin Pilson, and we are going to nail seven
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: ways to totally terrible parenting?
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Yay? Do you want me to take Do you want
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: me to just run from here and just let you
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: know what I do as a dad and we're done, justin.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: If you don't want me to talk, then you just don't.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, let's go with you.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: So we're teaching people to be terrible.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: Right, Being a terrible parent, like totally terrible is actually
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: very easy. You know, we don't have to look too
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: far to see those times well we've done it. There
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: are opportunities to be totally terrible in every moment with
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: our children. And and what I what I love about
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: totally terrible parenting is it's even easier to be judgmental
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: about other people's terrible parenting than it is about our own.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Social media you know, puts it right out there. We
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: can see every other people's poor parenting pushed straight into
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: our timelines. But I was thinking about this and I thought,
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: let's have some fun. I mean, there is a serious
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: side to this. But what if we were to put
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: together seven steps to totally terrible parenting? So here we go.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: Number one, just ignore your kids.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: I don't even know.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that will absolutely do it.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, what are their names?
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: And let me explain here as much as you can.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: Just leave them to their own devices. And when I
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: say leave them to their own devices, I mean that
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: literally and figuratively, you know, just when they want you
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: to say, I'm sorry, I'm too busy, I don't have
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: time for you.
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: And also make sure you say hurry up, would you
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: hurry up?
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: Up?
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Please just get going, hurry up, because what that means
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: is they're absolutely going to know for sure that they're
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: not important and they're not worthy of your time, and
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: that they're an impediment. So that's the best way to really,
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: I think, be totally terrible. And the more dismissive you
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: can be the more totally terrible you'll you'll be as
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: a parent and the worst they'll turn out. Okay, here's
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: number two. Get angry about everything, and when you're being angry,
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: yell as much as you can. That helps to show
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: that you're angry. Yell. Yeah. Okay, here's number three. Spend
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: more time on your screens yet And this works for
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: both you and for your kids. The thing we're not
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: looking at each other's face is we can't read each
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: other's cues because we're not really paying attention to each
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: other because we've got our own agenda, and staring at
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: screens is a great way to do that. Just say
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: to your kids, I've just got to finish this Facebook
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: status update or I'll be with you in a minute.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Let me just go and catch this pokemon.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, got it, got it, got it.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Okay, this one's my favorite. Stay up late. I know
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: it doesn't sound that serious, but sleep deprivation is awesome
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: for completely incapacitating you as a parent. So the less
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: sleep you get, the more irritable and angry and dismissive
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: and terrible obdiate children. And if you can string a
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: bunch of late nights together, in a row, you'll be
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: even more.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Terrible, awesome, beautiful.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: This is going really well. We're going to look at
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: the last three of these seven ways to completely totally
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: terrible parenting.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: That's just recap the first four.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: So we're ignoring our kids, getting angry about everything, spending
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: time on our screens, and staying up late.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Nailing it so far more with doctor Justin Wilson from
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: twenty one Days to a More Terrible Families, Happier Family Family,
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: that's what we're looking at next.
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: Family life is pretty tough going sometimes most days are
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: a struggle between strong willed children and frazzled parents. And
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: while no parent wakes up in the morning saying today's
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: the day I'm going to ruin everyone's lives, sometimes feels
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: like that by the end of the day. Twenty one
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: Days to a Happier Family is the number one parenting
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: book by doctor Justin Crulson for parents who want their
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: kids to be better, themselves, to be calmer, and their
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: family to be happier now. The book is also available
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: as an online video course. In the program, you'll find
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: specific strategies to help you be at your best, evidence
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: based ideas to strengthen your relationship with your children. Research
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: proven practices to improve understanding between you and your child,
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: discipline strategies that work because they're about discipline and not punishment,
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: and more tips to make your family happier. And as
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: a special offer only for podcast business, use the Code
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: podcast at check out for a massive fifty dollars saving
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: twenty one days to a happier family. The online video
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: course by doctor Justin Coulson. Get it now from Happy
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: Families dot com dot au.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Coulson, and
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: today it is all about seven ways to totally terrible parenting.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Okayler're up to the fifth one. What's number five? For
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: us to absolutely rute our kids' lives.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: Blame them, just blame them for everything, especially for how
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: terrible your life turned out. It's all their fault. Everything
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: is their fault. It'll work, It will ruin their life
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: and yours. Good, all right?
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Number six, give.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: Them alcohol and drugs. You know, some parents try to
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: show their kids that they're actually not totally terrible but
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: totally cool by giving them alcohol and drugs. I've come
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: across many of these parents, and if you supply these
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: substances to your children so they can be totally cool
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: and have really totally cool parents. Well, that's actually obviously
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: totally terrible. So the best time to start this, if
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: you're planning on it, is around thirteen and they've started
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: going to parties. If you want to be extra totally terrible,
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: start earlier.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Well okay, great, I haven't. I haven't got into that.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: So number seven to round out how to be totally terrible.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: Okay, let's just let them do whatever they want. Seriously,
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: it's probably the easy way to be a totally terrible parents.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Shrug your shoulder and say, sure, kids, go for your
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: life every time they ask for anything. If they wanted
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: our school, go for it. We want to hang out
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: with your friends at the shops a dane sit and
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: go to school. Hey great, I want to try those
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: drugs or sleep for those people a party all night
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: and drive without a license in the car. Just do
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: whatever feels good. Shore makes my life easier to get
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: you off my back. Go for it.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Good all right?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Well, okay, so if we want to be a totally
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: terrible parent.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: This is this is it is this a really good
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: time to talk about Australian sarcasm, and you know, make
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: sure that anybody who's listening to our show right now
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: understands the facetious nature of this and.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: That Oh, look, I feel I feel bad even saying
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: this stuff, but I had fun writing the list. I mean,
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: you can see how you can poke fun and you
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: know what, though, Look, every every parent does at least
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: some of these things some of the time. I mean,
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: none of us are perfect. But I guess I've really
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: put the list together because if we do most of
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: these things most of the time, our kids are going
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: to suffer. And in ten days or ten weeks or
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: definitely ten to twenty years, so are we, and so's
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: the community. It's very easy to be a totally terrible parent,
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: which don't have to do anything.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I've messed up a lot of these things. I can
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: avoid zero point six, but the rest, in some way
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: I reckon. I've come pretty close to. The one that
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: gets me. I just feel horrible. Is not just only
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: being angry, but being quick to angry be angry. And
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: there was a particular moment where I was really upset
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: with one of our children, and I was angry very
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: quickly at him. I didn't ask questions I didn't listen
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: to his explanation. He went into the naughty corner. He
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: got told what four, and he looked very forlorn, and
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: he looked like he was really sorry that he had
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: done it, until I discovered it actually wasn't him that
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: did it at all. It was his brother who walked
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: out of the road with a sheepish look on the face,
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: and this poor kid, because I was not only angry
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: but so quick to angry, he copped it. And I
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: just felt like the biggest dropkick of a dad at
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: that particular point in time, because that poor kid had
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: just gone through an emotional trauma because I was angry
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: and quick to anger justin Yeah, yeah.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: That's totally terrible, totally terrible parenting right there, Luke. You
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: know what we should do in our next conversation is
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: we should have a conversation, maybe even a couple of them,
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: about different strategies to turn away our anger, because it's
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: so easy for us to get really cranky at our kids,
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: and it's damaging when we do it. There's no need
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: for us to be angry at them ever, even when
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: they do the wrong thing. And I've got a list
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: of about fifty different ways that we can turn away
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: anger and deal with children even when they're challenging, in really,
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: really great ways.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: That sounds excellent. I love that at the end of
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: the day, when you take these totally terrible parenting tips,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: a simple strategy of just choosing to love your children.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: You love them through giving them time, by being compassionate,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: by being a tentive is the way to turn around
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: all seven of those things in one simple word. Doctor
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Justin Coulson from Happy Families dot com today, you thank
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: you so so much for your time today.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: It's been amazingly awesome.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: For more information on all of doctor Justin's books, podcasts, programs,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: you can find them all at happy families dot com
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: dot au. But don't forget Justin is available to speak
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: at your school or organization. You can find out more
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: at Justinculson dot com.