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Episode 07 - If Motherhood Had A Yelp Review · Messy Minded Mama

0:13
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Messy Minded Mama, a podcast for moms who look managed but might feel a bit messy on the inside.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm Keith and I'm Jen.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: And we are here creating space for real talk about motherhood, mental health, and the invisible load so many women carry.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to a new episode of Messy Minded Mama.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna keep it light today.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: Yes, we are.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna talk about if motherhood had a Yelp review or a Yelp page.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: I have some thoughts.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: I have thoughts too, and I love this topic for today.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited, and I would absolutely leave a review.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna go through a couple different topics today.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: So the first one, I'm gonna kick it off to you, Jen.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: What are your thoughts about school drop-off?
0:56
SPEAKER_00: It relates back to what we talked about last episode of how chaotic mornings can be.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: But I want you to Yelp review pros and cons about motherhood in terms of school drop-off.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: So pros.
1:11
SPEAKER_01: These days, I feel like once I once I leave the chaotic house in the mornings and I get to school and do the drop-off, assuming I have both kids in the car and everything's going well, pros are watching them walk into school together.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: They hold hands.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: They're not that peaceful at home.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: We've talked about kind of the chaos that exists at home.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: But once we get to school and watching them walk up to the building, Jack takes on the big brother role, they stick together and they're holding hands, which is so cute.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: I then get to get in my car and have this moment of peace and quiet.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: Like a big deep breath.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: Deep breath.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: I did it, and I get to go ahead into whatever the rest of my day does.
1:50
SPEAKER_01: So pros in the morning are watching their cute little beings walk into school together and then being able to kind of take that sigh of relief.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: I think the cons, maybe not as many cons for school drop-off today, but if I were to think about cons for daycare drop-off back in the day, crying at when I leave them is heartbreaking, heartbreaking and often led to me sitting in my car crying as well.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: So, not always the easiest when I think about having to leave them in a place that I knew was safe for them and I knew was good, but any tears would just wreck me in the morning.
2:25
SPEAKER_01: So those are definitely the cons of having to drop your kid off anywhere that you're having to leave them for the day.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: That's two big emotions, relief almost sometimes, if I dare say it, of I get a moment of fresh air to myself to think without the mental list of the morning.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: But then when it's sad like that, or they're sad, that mama hurt that we get in our heart of they're sad, so we're sad and we can't take it away.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: And then on the days that those happen at the same time, that weird balance that we feel inside of us.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, definitely.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: And the balance isn't easy, right?
3:03
SPEAKER_01: We've talked about that before of just like, yeah, trying to balance it all is um and balance the emotions for ourselves and like how we show up in those moments can be challenging.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
3:12
SPEAKER_01: How about for you?
3:14
SPEAKER_01: Pros and cons for drop-offs?
3:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would say right now, my actually for most of my kiddos, I don't know that we've ever had just one drop-off.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: So I do two drop-offs because my kids are three and seven.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: One's in elementary and one's at preschool.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: Two different drop-offs.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: So that's a big part for me is having to go to two different places, especially when the weather's bad, like yesterday.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: Having to get them both out of the car, walk in the snow, get them ready.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: They want to play in the snow.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: I want to get in the building because I'm getting snowed on.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: And then the other drop-off.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: So that one is really hard.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: I think I put a lot of pressure on myself too.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: Of like, are we late?
4:00
SPEAKER_00: Are we early?
4:01
SPEAKER_00: I let my kids pick their clothes and sometimes they're interesting outfits.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: Totally.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: Am I being judged?
4:07
SPEAKER_00: What do I look like?
4:08
SPEAKER_00: Am I put together or am I rocking my messy bun in my sweatpants?
4:13
SPEAKER_00: And like some of that perceived social pressures or judgment can be really hard.
4:19
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and pretending that mornings aren't chaotic, right?
4:23
unknown: Yeah.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: But the pros are that independence and social development.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: When we show up to Bryn's school, she used to be that please don't leave me holding on to me.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: And I would just break my heart.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: And now I get to watch her, she runs off and has friends that she wants to go be with, and watching that independence grow has been really amazing.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: The routine and the structure that it gives them.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: But then I get to go to work or do whatever during the day and give back to myself in that time has been really nice for me too.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: So it's nice to be able to be like, have fun doing your job of going to school, and I'm going to go do my job of therapy or whatever I might be doing that day.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: So it's um it's that weird balance too of there's cons and the stress, but then there's that proud moment of watching them grow and definitely.
5:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:20
SPEAKER_01: It's like we have put all this work into when they were younger, getting them to this point of that independence and being able to kind of pass them off into, like you said, their work for the day and their job to be able to go and show up the way they need to in that environment.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
5:34
SPEAKER_01: I love that you brought up identity though in this too, because you're so right.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: Drop off isn't just about the kids, it's about how am I put together and how am I comparing myself or am I on certain mornings when I'm sleep-deprived and like the messy bun, like you said, and I just threw on something to get out the door.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: Give myself the grace, I guess, in those days of I don't have to be all put together all the time.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: And I sometimes I love drop-off for that reason.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: I can just like get out the door, get my kids to school, and then I can go home and focus on myself and whatever I want to do.
6:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but identity definitely comes into it.
6:04
SPEAKER_01: How are we comparing ourselves to others in those moments?
6:06
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times I haven't even had my coffee yet.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I don't want to peeple.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: So okay, my coffee is with me every morning in the car.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: I can't like not bring it with me.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, rate it.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: Where's your where's your Yelp rating?
6:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna say, I mean, when I take all pros and cons together, I'm probably in the middle somewhere.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: So maybe a three and a half for me.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: Okay, what do you think?
6:29
SPEAKER_00: I think because right now I'm in the two drop-off world, I'm probably gonna rate it a two.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: Fair because that just feels chaotic.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: I have one more year of it.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: Just one.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like next year I'll feel not August of 26th, but August of 27th.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: I think I'll feel better about it because they can then do a Jacanella doing a go together.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: Rather than me trying to navigate the two.
6:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: Next, let's move into sleep.
6:59
SPEAKER_01: Kate, pros and cons.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: I have so many cons for sleep.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: Uh this week especially.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: I so current day.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: Current day rating.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: I will give you newborn rating after the current rating.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: I am so sleep deprived this week.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel a little chaotic, slightly unhinged.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: Because and some of it's my kids, and some of it's just me.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: But neither one of my kids sleep through the night.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: Neither one of them.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: And if one's sleeping, the other one wakes up.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: So we have a lot of interrupted sleep.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: Even if we do the walk them back to their bedroom, and then we're having to sit there.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: They get up two, three, four times every night.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: So that is a pretty big con for me.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: It's just the interrupted sleep.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: Um and my older girl has night terrors.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: Oh, no.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes she'll yell out.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: And I used to run, I used to run in there.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm laughing because I can envision it.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: I used to run in there, like ready to fight somebody.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Because she'd be like, Don't touch me, get away from me.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: She's having a night terror.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: So I'd run in there ready to fight somebody.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: And one time I didn't realize Taylor had gotten up and got in there.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: And I ran in there and saw a person.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: And I yelled, get away from her.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: Your own night terror started.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: Own night terror.
8:26
unknown: Okay.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, and he was like, Whoa, whoa, it's just me.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: So sleep is really hard.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: And I always joke we play musical beds in our house because of the frequent night wakings.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: So we've got like Sawyer will come in, and then one of us will go to Sawyer's bed, but then Sawyer will come find one of us in there, and then Brynn wakes up, and so then one of us goes in there.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: So the amount of time we actually spend in our own bed is not great, which makes it really hard for sleep, but also marriage.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah right?
8:55
SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: So that's a big part for us.
8:57
SPEAKER_00: But there are pros for sleep too.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of that for me comes from when they were little.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: All the baby snuggles when they're sleeping.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: I was a big contact nap person.
9:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:10
SPEAKER_00: And so that was great.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: But Brynn, my oldest, she was a great sleeper as a baby.
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
9:15
SPEAKER_00: She slept through the night at like 12 weeks, maybe.
9:20
SPEAKER_00: She was a great sleeper, maybe a little bit later, but around then she was doing like big chunks, like six-hour longer chunks.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: And then she turned three and that went away.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: But those little moments, so sweet.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: It was so sweet and it was so nice.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: And I have heard it gets better.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm praying that that happens.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: I also feel like there's some solidarity with people who are exhausted.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: Moms are really just doing their best when they're exhausted, and we all relate to that, I think.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: So that helps.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, and coffee.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: I get to drink so much coffee because I'm tired to keep you going, to keep me functioning, which is a weird pro, I guess.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna take it.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah, those are my sleep is a hard one for me right now because of the musical beds, because of the night wakings, and doing therapy work, doing my other job, all of that.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I have to be able to function mentally and some days are hard.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: But I do love when they snuggle, and I found them yesterday morning snuggled together.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh, cute.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Which was so sweet, which means they went to each other in the middle of the night and not me.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna take that.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: So that's another big pro.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: How about and maybe that's what will allow the ease to come for you?
10:36
SPEAKER_01: It's like they'll start to find each other more and kind of use each other as a comfort too, so you get a little bit of a break.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: And we've tried all the things, we have tried all the things that people recommend.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: So if you have some fresh new ideas, send them my way because I need sleep.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: What about for you?
10:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, mine's a little bit opposite, I think, for kind of where you're at with it.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: So right now, five and seven-year-old sleep, even like them going to sleep and getting to sleep in the bedtime routine, seems fairly easy these days in our house.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think I've shared before, they they choose to sleep in the same room these days.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
11:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, which actually helps.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: They, you know, the pros for us right now are like hearing their tiny little conversations before they fall asleep, or Jack pretty much hits his head on the pillow and he's done for the day.
11:26
SPEAKER_01: And Elle, she fights it a little bit harder, but she'll be like, Jack buddy, are you still awake?
11:31
SPEAKER_01: So love hearing those little conversations.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: And that once they fall asleep for the most part, unless there are kind of more random in our house, but those night terrors are things that still come up from time to time, they're pretty much sleeping through the night until they're early risers in the morning.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: I know you responded to my text message very early the other day.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: So I know you're up early.
11:53
SPEAKER_01: Yes, they are.
11:54
SPEAKER_01: Sorry about that, by the way.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: I texted you, so you don't have to say sorry.
11:59
SPEAKER_01: They are up early, um, but they sleep through the night, which is very good.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: So lots of pros at our house for this phase.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: When I think about the newborn phase, yeah, very, very different.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: I think the pros, like you said, were kind of the snuggles and the opportunity to slow down and have those contact naps and things like that were very frequent and definitely um a good memory.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: The nighttime sleep was brutal.
12:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, I think Elle was a little bit easier and liked sleeping a little bit more than Jack did.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: But we yeah, we struggled through those.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: And oftentimes Tyler and I would just like have to laugh about the activities that we would do to try to stay with Jack in his room until we thought he would fall asleep.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: And then I vividly remember seeing each other army crawl out of the bedroom as quiet as you can, on the floor, army crawling to try not to wake him up.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: And then that okay, deep breath, and then he'd cry.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, okay, you think that you made it and you didn't make it, and you kind of have to start all over and tag in the other parent to kind of like take that on.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: Your soul leaves your body in that moment because you've you're I just I'm envisioning this and I've lived it where you're sitting there and you're willing your kid to go to sleep because you are tired.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes, and they finally fall asleep, you army crawl, you stand up and they cry, and you're like, Yeah, you think you've done it.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: And talk about being sleep deprived.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't even know that sleep for me when they were a newborn were was a thing.
13:33
SPEAKER_01: It's like you're checking to make sure they're still breathing, especially with the first kid.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: I've just vividly remember even when I had an opportunity and a little break in between feeding to sleep, I'd still have all these thoughts of or wake up with, oh my gosh, I fell asleep with them in my bed.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: And they weren't with me.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: They were next to me in the bassinet where I left them, right?
13:52
SPEAKER_01: But all those things.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: So sleep in those early days was just I don't even remember really being a thing.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of that I think in those early days comes back to anxiety.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: Like you just said, we're checking to make sure they're breathing.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: When did they eat?
14:06
SPEAKER_00: When are when does society say I'm supposed to be waking them to feed them?
14:11
SPEAKER_00: And do you wake a sleeping baby to eat?
14:12
SPEAKER_00: Do you let them sleep?
14:13
SPEAKER_00: All of these questions that new moms face or repeat moms that have a new baby face and then start to worry.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: And that anxiety builds.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: And so sleep then is even harder because you're worried all the time.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: And this whole sleep when the baby sleeps thing, yeah.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: I wish people would stop saying that.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: Because if I slept when the baby slept, I wouldn't be driving, I wouldn't be able to go do activities, or I'd have to stop and sleep in the middle of trying to be a human, yes, which is an important piece, is to try to keep some sense of self when you have that new baby.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: So sleep is a hard one for me.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be really honest.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: And sleep when the baby sleeps is for the people that don't have laundry to do and don't have the other like to-do lists of things.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: There's so many things that we feel like we need to or actually want to do um during that time that it's just not a realistic um expectation.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: So, rating, you go first.
15:10
SPEAKER_01: Can I give negative stars?
15:12
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: Yep, we're changing your review system.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: We are jumping into the negatives.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: Although I'm gonna give sleep a one star.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: Because there are, like I said, there are those those nice moments, and I do love the snuggles.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: Even now, you know, the newborn snuggles were great.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: The snuggles I get now where they're intentional, they're choosing to snuggle and they want to be with me.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: That part means something.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, maybe I'll even go one and a half because right now I'm very sleep deprived.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna give a one and a half because there are the good moments, but right now it does feel really brutal.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: What about you?
15:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Uh also I'd say back to the newborn for sure.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: Um, with you, like one and a half for sleep.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: I think when I think about how far we've come and how far you're going to come and what is soon to happen in your house too.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: I would say four out of five for me right now with sleep for my kids and even for myself most nights.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: I feel like I've gotten better in general because they're sleeping well.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: I can have more peace of mind and sleep well too.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: So four out of five current day.
16:14
SPEAKER_01: I love that for me, which is good.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: If I had to write the review, I would say service frequently interrupted, staff extremely cute but unpredictable.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: Yes, totally.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: No refunds.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: No refunds.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna keep them.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: Yep, but they're chaotic.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: This is real stuff for sure.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: Our last one that will go pros and cons.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: Okay, Taylor and Tyler.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: If you are listening, maybe tune out to this one.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: Marriage.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: What is your Yelp review on marriage post kids?
16:48
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm gonna start with the cons.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: And for me, it's going to bed and no longer having it be like a time of connection, but having it be the only time in the day that we can really catch up on all the schedule, all the things.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: And really it's Tyler going to bed before me, wanting him wanting to probably just watch a show.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: It's just like first time of relaxation for the day.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: And then me coming into bed and being like, I have 50 questions.
17:18
SPEAKER_01: I have all these things to talk about, to solve real quick.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: And get out real quick because it's on my brain, and I can't fall asleep until it's out.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: And him pause his show.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: He takes a deep breath.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: He knows it's coming.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: And it just looks very different for us post-kids of that time of connection is very different.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: Other cons, I think just the fact that we're tired or just feeling disconnected at times, the times that I really want it to be fun and lighthearted, he needs something else from me, and vice versa.
17:48
SPEAKER_01: So just trying to balance that and figure that out.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: If I think about the pros, watching Tyler become a dad is like the coolest thing ever.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: And the love he has for the kids, the the different relationship he has with them than I do.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: So just thinking, sitting back and kind of watching what he offers, um, and maybe a funnier, more humorous way than like me being the caring, cuddly, all that we balance each other very well, I think, in parenting.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: So watching him do that in marriage has been very uplifting.
18:18
SPEAKER_01: I think just the way we're able to laugh about parenting, yeah.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: And it is chaotic through and through.
18:25
SPEAKER_01: The last seven years of our lives parenting together has a million things that are chaotic, but being able to look at each other and laugh through it all and you know, just have that kind of bring joy into the marriage still is definitely a pro for me.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: What about for you?
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh, uh I'll start with a con because it's it's probably one of the bigger ones.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, we think about love languages and touch is not mine.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I am not a super hugger, I'm not a please come hold my hand or snuggle on the couch.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: I've never been that way.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: And so even before kids, touch is touch is his love language and it's not mine.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: So even before kids, it was a thing for us.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: Post kids, my kids touch me a lot.
19:12
SPEAKER_00: And they all the time.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: All the time.
19:14
SPEAKER_00: They put their cute little hands all over my face and they want to hold my hand.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: And Sawyer also is very much a touch person.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: And so I am touched all the time by them.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: That when I'm with Taylor, I don't, it's even harder now to be like, let's snuggle, let's hold hands, you know, come give me a big hug in the kitchen, whatever, because I've my touch quota has already been hit by little tiny fingers and hands.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: And so that part's really hard of that I know is important for him.
19:48
SPEAKER_00: And so I have to kind of dig deep to find more patience because I want I still want connection and I know that's how he receives it.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: So that's a big part.
20:00
SPEAKER_00: I think exhaustion, I just talked about how much sleep is impactful for me.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: And I am not a super friendly human when I'm exhausted, when I'm sleep deprived.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: And I I need, we call it my bed day, where I literally need to lay in bed because I'm so exhausted.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, and some of that I think comes from the work and the burnout and yeah, the amount of chaos that I self-impose because I'm passionate about so many different things, but then I just need time and I'm exhausted.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: And so then how do we find connection in those moments?
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, and spontaneity, right?
20:40
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
20:40
SPEAKER_00: We used to go do things.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: We talked about this in a prior episode.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: We used to go do things kind of on a whim, and now it's definitely harder and we have to find a babysitter.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: I will say the last few weeks, we have had a babysitter more often than I think we have in the last year.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: Um, because we tried to be really intentional about it.
21:00
unknown: Yeah.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: And last night we were supposed to go out and and do something, and we didn't want to.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: This has actually happened twice now recently, where we'll have something scheduled and we'll be like, that doesn't actually sound good anymore.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: So we'll pivot and do something else that's a little less stressful or less people-y or something.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: So last night we were supposed to go to an event, and instead we went to dinner, just the two of us.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: I was exhausted, he was exhausted.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: There wasn't a whole lot of conversation, but it was just the time.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're still connected.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: But we were still intentional, and our babysitter was there for an hour and a half.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: And then you came home.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: And we came home and we were trying to think about what else we could go do.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: It was snowy, it was gross out.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: And we were trying to think about what other things could we maybe go do.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: And we didn't want to do any of it.
21:50
SPEAKER_00: We thought we could go grocery shopping.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: So grocery shopping becomes a date night, apparently.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: But I think those are those are some of the cons, but also good.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: We just talked about the intention.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Part.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: I think the shared mission of just raising good people.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: Taylor and I grew up pretty differently, but we have this strong compass, if you will, of how we want to raise our kids and bringing parts of both of our childhood into that.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, building it together.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, building it together and and being on the same page has been a really nice pro.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: The inside jokes about survival.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: He texted me this morning that uh Sawyer, Sawyer was being spicy.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yep, 100%.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: We call her our feral one.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she's three.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: Keep it feral.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then just the appreciation that I have for, you know, he works really hard and watching him become a dad and take on that role and that extra responsibility, but doing it in such a way that really balances me out.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: He's the he is fun and spontaneous and always wants to go take them to do all of the things.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: And I just have such an appreciation for that.
23:03
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
23:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: Everything resonates with me so much too.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: The connection being maybe the biggest one of like value connections.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you find that with the kids being a part of it, but also just having you and your husband together and being able to be intentional about that?
23:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:20
SPEAKER_01: All right.
23:20
SPEAKER_01: What's your rating?
23:22
SPEAKER_01: Rating.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I think I can't imagine life without kids, right?
23:27
SPEAKER_01: So I think, and everything that we're building with that.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: So I think I'll give it a four out of five.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: More pros than cons for me of being able to walk this kind of journey still together and have kids that be a part of it.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: I agree.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: I am very thankful that Taylor is who my partner is in this, and that we're building it.
23:45
SPEAKER_00: And even the times that are so hard.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: I I've talked before about our check-ins and what that looks like, and that we've implemented that.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: And that I think has made our marriage just stronger.
23:55
SPEAKER_00: And having kids has made it chaotic, but still great.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: And I couldn't imagine it anyway.
24:01
SPEAKER_00: So four out of five here, too.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
24:03
SPEAKER_01: So Taylor and Tyler should be tuning into this.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: Actually, they could tune in.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't sure where it was gonna go, but I take it back.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: Four out of five.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: I'd be curious to hear their rating.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, maybe we should have them on.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: We should.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: Taylor and Tyler, you're on deck.
24:19
SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're gonna rapid fire some.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: So what's your rating and maybe one or two words?
24:24
SPEAKER_00: Okay, got it.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: Personal space.
24:26
SPEAKER_01: Rating one.
24:27
SPEAKER_01: Uh I'm feeling touched out.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
24:30
SPEAKER_01: Grocery shopping with the kids.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: Two.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: That's high risk and I hate it.
24:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
24:37
SPEAKER_01: Uh sick days.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: One.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: I can't get them to school.
24:42
SPEAKER_01: Related back.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Listen to last episode.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I am unavailable.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: Summer break.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: I'd say actually a four.
24:52
SPEAKER_00: It's fun for them.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: It's expensive.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, expensive for sure.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: Eight nights.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: Uh four and a half.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: Love them.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: Uh they're rare, but highly recommend.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: Screen time.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say a three because it's a necessary evil sometimes, but also fun to watch.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
25:13
SPEAKER_00: The group text.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: One and a half to two.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: Too many notifications.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: Too many things added to my plate.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: Love that.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: Rapid fire.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: Send us yours.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're on the same page.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: Send us yours.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: Go through what is your answers to the rapid fire and why.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: Let us know.
25:37
SPEAKER_00: You can send us a text through wherever you're listening.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: It's in the show notes.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: Send us a text.
25:42
SPEAKER_00: Uh go to at messi.minded.mama on Instagram and drop us a message or comment on a post and let us know your rapid fire ratings.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
25:54
SPEAKER_01: Okay, to end us today.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: I want us to do just a Yelp review of the unexpected perks of motherhood.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna do a prose only list here.
26:06
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
26:07
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
26:08
SPEAKER_01: Where do you want to start?
26:09
SPEAKER_01: So I'll I'll kick us off with one.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: My the favorite thing about motherhood for me is my kids coming up with like their own little words for things, like their own little language.
26:21
SPEAKER_01: Every time Elsie's uh Firetruck, she goes, Oh mommy, look, a fight of fida.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: Fight a fight.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh my gosh.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: I just want her always to say fight a fida.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: A fight of fida.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: So cute.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: So air says fust weighted, which is so cute.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: And then she calls a purse a fanny purse.
26:41
SPEAKER_00: Okay, instead of like a fatty pack and a purse, which is so so sweet.
26:47
SPEAKER_01: She's creating her own little language.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: Jack used to call me mommy Grick, like from very early years, and still to this day, now that he's seven, we're always like, Jack, what's a mommy grick?
26:57
SPEAKER_01: Like you finally have to tell us what a mommy grick is.
26:59
SPEAKER_01: Is it?
27:00
SPEAKER_01: And it just creates like this dynamic in our house where everyone's laughing because he knows he did it.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: He has no idea what it means.
27:05
SPEAKER_01: We have no idea what it means, but I will forever be a mommy grick.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: Mommy Grick.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna get you a shirt that says mommy grick.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna make you one.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: I think Bryn, there's words that she said that were like cute or her own, but she calls any treat, uh a lollipop, a chocolate, anything, a sweet.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: So say, Mommy, may I have a sweet?
27:29
SPEAKER_00: I just think it's so cute.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: I don't know where it came from, but every type of a treat is a sweet.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I I keep wanting to like go back when they start to autocorrect and like say it the right way.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: I just want it to be like, no.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, no, the remote is not the remote, it's the marote, right?
27:46
SPEAKER_01: The marote.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, all those cute things.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: Yes, tiny human language.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: I think one of my favorites is the the compliments that are unfiltered or just spontaneous really.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, both of my girls have have done something similar, but one of them the other day put their little hand on my face and said, Mommy, you're so beautiful.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: And this was at four in the morning.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, That's so nice.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: Can I be beautiful at seven?
28:18
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm so tired, but it's just so sweet or so pure.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: The way that, yeah, it's just unprompted, and you know, they'll say, Oh, you're just the best mom, or Brynn tells me, I love being your kid, and that melts my heart when they do that.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I also love just the the way that they're so unfiltered and authentically themselves, but it's so funny sometimes, or even just finding like Sawyer will go to anybody at any time.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: The school basically calls her the welcoming committee.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: And when they do tours, they stop in to see Sawyer because she greets people and is like, hi, come play with me.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: Here's a car.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: Or come, you know, she'll the other day she took someone's hand and was like, come play.
29:07
SPEAKER_00: Brand new student.
29:09
SPEAKER_00: And so just watching that moment of like them being just kind humans and authentically themselves is great.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: And then there's the unfiltered moments where they called my husband a hamburger bun, or or they call one of our friends and my husband Big Whisker.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: So they'll be like, come on, Big Whisker, and we're like, where does that come from?
29:32
SPEAKER_00: So just like those funny things, right?
29:34
SPEAKER_00: Or you know, narrating what they're doing, all of those pieces.
29:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, agreed.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: I think it's pure comedy all the time in our house, and we obviously think they're way funnier than maybe anybody else does, but I love that they can just add so much laughter to our house, and we always say we wouldn't laugh nearly as um often if it weren't for having Jack and Elle in our house.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: So I love that.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: Me too.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: I think my favorite, my most favorite thing, if we had to pick one, yeah, is just being the person that they want to be with.
30:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: They want to spend time with me, which makes me feel like I'm doing something right when they want to be with mom.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the safe place, the most comforting place, right?
30:13
SPEAKER_01: Like the warm.
30:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's nothing better than the snuggles on the couch and all the things and knowing that they want to we can talk about being touched out, but it's like it's because they want to be close and they want to be there.
30:24
SPEAKER_01: So I love anytime Jack in particular at seven, like wants to snuggle with me still.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I will never turn down seven-year-old snuggles because I know that the time is limited and the fact that he still wants to, and then Elle always climbs up in my lap still.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: So love that, love that time and that we are that safe space for them.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: Because there will be a time that they don't want to have that with us, they they will not want to spend any time with us.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, soaking that up now.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: Yep, it's definitely my favorite thing.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: So, what I'm hearing, and I'm gonna turn it into our last line.
30:55
SPEAKER_00: Hey, if we had to do an overarching Yelp review of motherhood, four stars.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: There's parts that are so hard, which is why it's not five, but that the pieces that are we just talked about so good that bring us back when we want to pull our hair out, to these are the moments that make us root back down into motherhood is magical.
31:19
SPEAKER_00: So four stars, and maybe we would write motherhood is five stars emotionally, but two stars operationally.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: Totally I love that.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: So let us know your Yelp review of motherhood or the different components that go into motherhood, or what did we miss?
31:36
SPEAKER_00: Tell us what's something that you would rate and reach out to us.
31:40
SPEAKER_00: And if anything in this episode resonated with you, please tag us on Instagram at messy.minded.mama.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: Tag us, let us know your thoughts, we'd love to hear from you.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: We'll see you next time.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here with us today.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: If something in this episode resonated, we're really glad you listened.
32:01
SPEAKER_01: Messy minded or not, you're not alone in this, and you don't have to have it all figured out.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to stay connected, you can follow Messy Minded Mama wherever you listen to podcasts.
32:11
SPEAKER_00: And follow us on Instagram at messy.minded.mama.
32:15
SPEAKER_00: We'll be back to connect again soon.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here.