Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a Workaholic
Transcript
- Lucas: If you are logging 60-hour weeks, you probably feel like mentorship is a luxury you cannot afford. But that is exactly when you need it most — and I think we need to talk about why. Luna: Yeah, because the people grinding the hardest are often the ones who assume they have to figure everything out alone. But that logic kind of backfires. Lucas: It does. There is this pernicious idea that working harder is the only way to get ahead. But the data tells a different story. A 2023 study from the Journal of Vocational Behavior found that professionals with active mentors received 23 percent more promotions over a five-year period than those without, even after controlling for hours worked. Luna: That is a huge gap. So the question is: how do you find a mentor when your calendar looks like a game of Tetris? Lucas: Right. And I think the first step is to stop thinking of mentorship as this huge, ongoing commitment. A lot of workaholics I talk to imagine mentorship means monthly hour-long coffee chats, elaborate career plans, homework. That is not how it has to work. Luna: So what is the alternative? I mean, what does a low-friction mentorship look like for someone who is already stretched? Lucas: I call it the 30-minute rule. You find someone whose career trajectory you admire, you ask for a single 30-minute conversation, and you come with a very specific problem or decision you are facing. You are not asking them to be your mentor in the abstract. You are asking for advice on one thing. Luna: That feels doable. And honestly, I bet a lot of senior people would say yes to a 30-minute focused ask rather than an open-ended 'will you be my mentor?' Lucas: Exactly. And if that first conversation goes well, you can follow up with another targeted ask three months later. Over time, that becomes a de facto mentorship without anyone having to sign a contract. But there is a second layer here for workaholics: you may actually need a sponsor more than a mentor. Luna: Let us make that distinction clear. A mentor gives you advice and guidance. A sponsor uses their political capital to open doors for you — puts your name up for a promotion, introduces you to the right people. Lucas: Exactly. And for someone who is already working crazy hours, a sponsor can be a force multiplier. You do not have to network your way into every room if someone is already advocating for you behind closed doors. But sponsors are harder to get because they are taking a risk on you. Luna: So how do you earn that sponsorship without adding more hours to your week? Lucas: You have to be visible in the work you are already doing. One of my favorite examples comes from a real estate investment analyst I know. She was grinding at a large firm — think 70-hour weeks — and she wanted to move into the firm's asset management division. She identified a managing director who had made that same pivot years earlier. Luna: Did she cold email him? Lucas: She did. But she did not ask for mentorship. She sent him a two-paragraph email saying she admired his path, attached a one-page analysis she had done on a property his team was evaluating, and asked for 20 minutes to discuss her career transition. He said yes within two hours. Luna: Because she showed she had done the work. She was not asking for a handout; she was asking for direction. Lucas: Exactly. And that one conversation led to him introducing her to the head of asset management. Six months later she transferred. That is sponsorship in action. The key was she made it easy for him to say yes by demonstrating value upfront and keeping the ask tiny. Luna: I think a lot of workaholics also struggle with the idea that they need help. There is this ego thing: 'I am the one who works the hardest, so I should be able to figure this out.' Lucas: Absolutely. And that is a blind spot. The most successful people I know are the ones who have a personal board of directors — three or four people they can call for advice on different domains. They are not trying to be the smartest person in the room; they are trying to have access to the smartest people. Luna: So if someone listening is thinking, 'Okay, I buy the argument, but I literally have no time,' what is the smallest possible first step? Lucas: Identify one person in your company or industry who is two levels above you and whose career you find interesting. Send them a LinkedIn message or an email with a specific observation about their recent work — something you genuinely noticed — and ask for 15 minutes. That is it. Fifteen minutes. Most people will say yes because it is flattering and low effort. Luna: And if they say no? I think a lot of people fear rejection, especially when they are already stretched thin. Lucas: If they say no, you have lost nothing. But more often than not, they will say yes. And if you can turn that 15 minutes into a recurring quarterly check-in, you have built a mentorship without it ever feeling like a burden. The workaholic mindset wants to do everything alone, but the truth is, no one gets to the top alone. Luna: That is a great point. And you know, if today was actually useful to you, the way these stay ad-free is listener support. You can head to buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, we keep it ad-free because we want to give you direct value without interruption. If you have gotten something out of the show, that is a great way to keep it going. Luna: And we are not going anywhere — we will be back with more episodes. But any support helps us keep the coffee shop corner booth open. Lucas: So let us go back to that analyst I mentioned. She eventually became a vice president at that firm. And she told me the single best piece of advice her sponsor gave her was this: 'Stop working IN your career and start working ON your career.' Luna: That is a powerful reframe. What did that mean in practice? Lucas: It meant that instead of doing more spreadsheets, she should spend a few hours each month building relationships with people in the division she wanted to join. That is working ON your career. It feels less productive in the moment, but it has a much higher long-term return. Luna: So the antidote to workaholism is not working less — it is working smarter by leveraging other people's experience and networks. Lucas: Exactly. And that is what mentorship and sponsorship give you. They give you a shortcut to the insights that would take you years to learn on your own. And for someone who is already working at full capacity, that kind of leverage is invaluable. Luna: I think the hardest part for a lot of people is just starting. They overthink the ask. They want to have the perfect email, the perfect pitch. But really, it is about taking that first step. Lucas: Right. And to wrap this up, I want to leave you with a concrete action. This week, identify one person in your extended network — or even outside your network — who you respect. Send them a brief note. Say you are working on a specific challenge and ask for 15 minutes. Most people are generous with their time if you make it easy for them. Luna: And if you are already working 60 hours, those 15 minutes might be the most valuable investment you make all week. Lucas: Absolutely. Because mentorship is not about finding time — it is about making time for the things that actually move the needle. And if you are a workaholic, that is exactly the lesson you need to learn.