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Transcript

What Happens When You Ignore The Red Flags Of a Narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So y'all what happens when you ignore the red flags of a
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  narcissist? What like what happens to you?
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  What happens for them? What goes on when you ignore
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  those pesky desky red flags? Y'all know I normally have some
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  red flags around I don't have them on me today so you have to
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  deal with it if you knew here. My name is Lee Hammock I am a
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  diagnosed narcissist and I I talk about all the red flags and
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  everything else on this channel so make sure you subscribe.
• 0:25
  But hopping right into it do not like, yeah, how do I say this
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  without trying to seem mean or narcissistic or Victoria can
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  blame me, which I am neither right.
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  We got to stop ignoring the red flags.
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  You have to stop ignoring the red flags.
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  If you see if your if your intuition is going off.
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  If I got a red shirt here, if the intuition is going off and
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  you this is what you look like if, if you're dating this person
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  and it looked like you looking at them through a red film, they
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  might be toxic, right? They might be toxic as hell.
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  If it looks like that. If they wear a red shirt, they
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  might be toxic. A Red Hat, anything red, they
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  might be toxic as hell, right? So that's one thing you have to
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  understand and deal with. So a lot of narcissistic people
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  love it. I'm going to keep it hot, y'all,
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  we're going to keep it hot ready.
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  They love it when you ignore the red flags.
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  They love it. So that's why you can't, you
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  got, you got to stop doing it because narcissistic people
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  benefit greatly from it. So one thing that's going to
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  happen to you when you ignore the red flags of a narcissist is
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  that you're going to waste a lot of your time.
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  You just are. You're going to waste a
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  tremendous amount of time on this person.
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  Because I would say most people that wake up and understand what
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  they're going through with a narcissist later on when they
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  realize the red flags that they have ignored, most people tend
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  to try to get out of those relationships.
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  Notice I said most there are, there are, there are select.
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  There are quite a few people that stay in it.
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  They see the red flags and well, I'm already in it now.
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  I've I missed the red flags in the beginning.
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  I missed them in the middle. I stay, I, I got a book bag full
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  of them right now, but we got five kids together, but I'm in a
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  relationship with them. But we moved to a, we moved to
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  Spain together or we're in Spain and we moved to the United
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  States together. We moved together, we worked
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  together, we built a big business together.
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  We're stuck with each other regardless.
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  So I have, I'm going to have to deal with them one way or
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  another. So sometimes it's too late.
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  You feel like it's too late, right?
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  So, but most people, once you understand that you see the red
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  flags, you tend, people tend to try to leave.
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  They do tend to try to dip out and bounce, right?
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  They do tend to try to get out of there, which makes sense,
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  right? Not everybody leaves.
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  And this is not, yeah, this is not me trying to pass judgment
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  because I, I try my hardest not to judge, right?
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  But a lot of people do. A lot of people do do.
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  And I'm leaving. They realize the red flags that
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  they've experienced and they try to get the hell out of it
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  because you understand you're going to waste a lot of time.
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  Imagine waking up with a person that you thought was a person
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  that was giving you everything, a person that loved you to the
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  moon and back, a person that like, you couldn't imagine
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  living life without a person that you like.
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  The life was just better with this person around.
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  And then you wake up and realize that this person's been lying to
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  you from the very beginning. You realize that this person
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  that on the very first date when they told you that they live
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  with their their ex, but they were just friends.
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  You realize that this person is still married or still in a
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  relationship and you're the side piece, right?
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  And this could happen years down the road.
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  This happens years down the road for some people.
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  Some people don't wake up and realize this until years later.
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  Years, right? Years.
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  It is wild how many people? It's wild how many people that
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  this happens to. But when you ignore the red
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  flags, you're going to feel like you wasted a lot of time and you
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  and that when that happens, guess what?
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  The next thing happens when you ignore the red flags, not only
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  going to waste a lot of time, you're also going to be mad as
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  hell at yourself. You are, you're going to be
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  pissed off of yourself. So many people go through this
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  anger phase of understanding what they went through.
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  They go to this anger phase with like you like, OK, well, I've
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  battled this. Like I, I battled this person.
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  I know who they are. I know like, why did I miss the
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  red flags? Why did I ignore my intuition?
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  Why did I like when their ex reached out to me to tell me
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  that they were still dating? Or did they tell me that they
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  were crazy? Why did I think I would be
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  different? Why did I think that I would be
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  special? Why did I give them the benefit
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  of the doubt? You're going to be angry as hell
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  at yourself, right? You are.
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  You're going to be extremely angry at yourself.
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  It is going to piss you off. And not only are you going to be
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  angry at yourself, you're going to be angry at them.
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  Look what I found this I've been working on y'all behind the
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  camera. I found one.
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  When you ignore these things, but you're going to be angry as
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  hell at them too. You'll be angry at yourself.
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  You're going to be, this will be angry all around.
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  You get some anger, you get some anger.
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  Everybody get some anger because I missed the red flags.
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  And it's going to be like, yeah, it's OK to be angry.
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  It's not OK to sit. It's as steep to stay steeped in
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  it, to stay angry for a very long time because the anger
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  doesn't serve you right. You know, anger can serve some
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  people. Some people get something out of
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  the anger and thought use the anger to motivate them to leave.
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  But other people, they don't. Let's keep it hot, yo.
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  Everybody doesn't leave toxic relationships.
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  It just doesn't happen. Not everybody leaves a toxic
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  relationship space. Not everybody does.
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  So as you continue to grow, as you continue to move forward,
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  you have to understand that the anger can be used.
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  Don't, don't let, don't let the anger destroy you.
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  Use it to motivate you. Eric Thomas says that all the
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  time. He said you already been through
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  it. You're already angry.
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  You're going to be angry. You might as well get something
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  from it. You might as well use the anger
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  to motivate you to be better to motivate you to leave to
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  motivate you to stay away to motivate you next time to not
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  ignore these right here, right? You got to use it.
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  So use that anger right. Another thing that happens when
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  you ignore the red flags is that you feel like you get trapped.
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  You do you feel like you get trapped all the way the hell up
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  and you sat like y'all you, especially if you get like I
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  said in the beginning, you feel like you wasted a lot of time
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  because you now you have businesses, now you have kids.
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  You see what I'm saying? Now you feel like you're trapped
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  because you have children. You're trapped because you just
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  bought a house and signed off on a 30 year adjustable rate
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  mortgage, right? You just signed off on a, you
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  sign y'all cosign for each other's cars.
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  You got a tattoo on your damn neck with a name on it or a face
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  tat or teardrop. You know what I mean?
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  You've done all of this, so now they think that you like, so now
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  you feel trapped. You feel like you might as well
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  stay. And a lot of people that ignore
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  the red flags that end up feeling trapped.
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  I will say this right here. You fall into what is known as
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  the sunk cost fallacy or the sunken cost fallacy.
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  You feel like because you poured so many resources into it,
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  because you have kids together, because you've wasted time with
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  you giving time to this person, right?
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  You feel like, well, might as well stay because I want to.
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  I don't want that time to go to waste, right?
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  I don't want to. I don't want this.
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  Yeah, I feel trapped. I might as well stay because of
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  this. Don't fall into the suck cost
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  fallacy because regardless of what decision you make, leave.
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  Understand the time is already gone.
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  The money is already gone. The signature the cosign has
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  already done. You already bought the house.
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  You already cosign for the car. You already got the kids.
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  Disdain means you're probably going to do more of that stuff.
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  You going to make it harder for yourself to leave?
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  Again, this is not me just demanding that you leave your
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  toxic relationship. This is me telling you that you
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  have choices to make, decisions to make, and these choices and
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  decisions just can't be based on what you want to do.
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  Like they have not not not what you want to do not they can't be
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  based on just you. Sometimes you have children,
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  sometimes you have other people around you.
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  They depend on you in these situations as well.
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  Pets, you know y'all bought and bought a cat together your
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  first. Your first three days y'all
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  bought a cat together. You gonna Co parent the cat?
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  The second date, third day, y'all bought a ferret together
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  or a hamster or a little gerbil or vole y'all, y'all look, y'all
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  went exotic and bought a damn vole, you know?
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  So it just y'all get a little, a little, what do you call it
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  Terraria and just let it dig, right?
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  This is what happens. Don't feel like you get into
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  these relationships and you feel like you get stuck because now
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  you're angry as hell. But now you feel like you're
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  wasting time. But now you feel like you're
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  stuck. You can get unstuck.
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  It might take a little longer. Yeah, this is what I tell
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  people. Your everybody's situation is
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  going to be different. Some people can leave at the
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  drop of a dime. You have your finances in order.
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  You have family. You have a support system.
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  You understood narcissistic abuse.
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  You've taken my course finding your why at mentalillness.net.
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  And you understand how to how to heal from a toxic narcissistic
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  relationship, right? Or you talk to me one-on-one
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  mental illness.net as well. You've done all of these things
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  and you you've done all these things and you ready to go.
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  But some people haven't done that type of stuff yet.
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  Some people are not in control of their finances.
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  Some people, you know what I'm saying, have been a stay at home
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  parent for a long time. Some people are down on their
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  luck. They haven't worked in a while,
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  so they'll have no control, no access to the money.
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  Some people don't have any family around.
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  You see, some people don't have a support system.
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  Some people have been isolated. So everybody's situation is
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  going to be different. Some people you can leave today.
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  Some people you might leave in two years.
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  It just depends. Some people might not ever
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  leave. You see, some people are
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  learning how to tolerate. Some people learn how to
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  survive, you know, because you can't leave.
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  You want to survive. And that's what happens to so
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  many people. Another thing that happens,
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  y'all, when you ignore the red flags, is that you feel stupid.
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  Oh my goodness, not only do you get angry, you're going to feel
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  dumb because some of the red flags are so glaring and so big
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  and you you blow them out your face.
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  Now what were we? We were having an amazing day.
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  You were telling me that you haven't worked in 17 years and
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  you've you live with your your your wife and she pays all the
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  bills. But because you doing such a
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  good. Oh, OK, tell me more.
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  You. But y'all are just staying
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  together for the kids and you sleep downstairs.
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  Oh, OK, OK. Dang cool that.
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  Oh, so you didn't. So you cheated on me.
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  You cheated with me, but now you're not going to cheat on me,
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  OK? OK, I got you.
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  You cheated with me, but you're not going to cheat on me.
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  OK? You cheated on me 15 times, but
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  you're not going to do it again. OK.
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  Oh, so you didn't you were, you were not at that girl.
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  So when you were at that girl's house or you were at that guy's
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  house, when you were at that guy's house at 3:00 AM, your GPS
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  said you were at 3:00 AM and your my Apple Watch said you had
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  just finished the workout. You really were just running a
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  running a 100 yard Sprint in her backyard or in his backyard.
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  You wasn't bouncing up and down. OK, I got you.
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  Thank you so much. Like, thank you so much.
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  You're going to feel dumb, y'all.
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  I know I gave these outrageous examples, but you're going to
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  feel dumb. You have to eat that.
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  Eat it. Eat it like a breath.
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  Eat it, Eat it like, eat it like a breakfast roll.
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  You're going to have to eat it because you're going to feel
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  silly. You probably are.
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  But guess what? Now you're not dumb.
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  Now you woke up. Now you see what you've been
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  going through. Now you understand it.
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  Now you have the tools to fight back.
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  You do? Yeah.
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  I see my shirt right here. I got this shirt in Texas from
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  Kathleen. Kathleen, you still on the
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  channel watching me? I still got the shirt you gave
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  me. I got your back.
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  Appreciate it. But this is the type of stuff
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  that goes on y'all. And I tell so many people that
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  you're going to look dumb, you're going to feel dumb to
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  other people and people are going to call you dumb.
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  And so many people and so many y'all don't want to leave
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  because you don't want to look dumb.
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  Y'all, you're going to look Dumber if you stay when you
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  after people have told you, don't you?
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  You look, prove yourself right. You won't necessarily worry
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  about proving people wrong. Prove yourself right that you do
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  have the ability to wake up and exit stage left, or you do have
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  the ability to set boundaries and healthy boundaries and
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  things like that. You really, really do.
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  So you have to protect yourself. You have to protect your peace.
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  You have to do everything necessary in order to heal, to
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  thrive, and to finally release yourself from the toxicity of
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  these relationships. Y'all, you seriously do so as
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  you continue to go and you get back out into the dating world.
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  Like matter of fact, this is your homework.
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  At the end of this video, write down the red flags that you
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  might have missed or you ignored or you saw and you thought you
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  thought me Minor red for minor red flags, big red flags.
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  Whatever the case may be, write down the red flags because, and
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  This is why this is the homework, because it can help
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  you out in the future, right? If you get back, if you ever
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  decide to get back out there in the dating world, these type of
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  stuff, understanding the red flags that you missed or that
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  you didn't even know it was a red flag, write that type of
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  stuff down. It actually absolutely helps you
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  help help. It actually absolutely helps you
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  heal. But you know, if you want to
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  write them down physically, write it down in the comment
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  section because other people can see your red flags and they can
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  help other people. Other people's red flags can
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  help you. You see what I'm saying?
• 13:12
  This is a community right here, y'all?
• 13:13
  Yes, I do have my own community over at mentalhillness.net
• 13:16
  called the Mental Healers. It's a support group.
• 13:17
  I also have the channel memberships behind the scenes
• 13:19
  stuff. I thought I, I respond, try to
• 13:21
  respond to all comments from my members and things like that
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  'cause you get like a little symbol beside your name.
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  So I can see your comments. I can sort by your comments and
• 13:28
  the gold members. We do the vlog stuff, behind the
• 13:29
  scenes, video of the week type of stuff.
• 13:32
  Anyway, y'all hit that subscribe button.
• 13:34
  I don't have babbled on too long and I'm out.
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  Peace.