Latest / Beyond The Ceremony: Modern Celebrancy. Unfiltered. / Beyond The Ceremony Podcast Episode 19: Your Celebrant Questions Answered
Transcript
- 0:00 So welcome to Beyond the ceremony the season finale. I'm Laura Crockett. I've been your host for this season. I'm also a mentor at the Academy of modern celebrancy. Now it's just going to be me today. I have had some absolutely fabulous guests on with me all season, but for this final episode, it's going to be me answering your questions. So here I have got a very shiny, sparkly disco ball pot full of as you can hear, lots of questions in there. It's quite a satisfying sound. Oh yeah, it's nice. So that is full of questions. I'm going to be taking them out, reading them out, and then answering them for you as a live Q and A. So I don't know what questions going to come out. I don't know what they say. I'm going to be answering them on the spot as well as I can. But I just wanted to say, before we get into the episode, a massive, massive thank you to everyone who has listened this season, who's got in touch, who's got involved with the show. It has been so, so lovely to see all of you there, and also to see all of your support. And if you've been enjoying it, please, can you make sure you like you, rate you subscribe, because it means that we will be more likely to be able to bring you season two. So I want to keep on the good books of the bosses, the podcast bosses, the powers that be. So if you're enjoying it, the chances are we'll be able to do another season. So let's get stuck in. I'm going to take a swig of tea, and then off we go with question number one, I've gone very old school with the folded up bits of paper. Okay, how do wedding celebrants who only do weddings manage through the off season? What does winter look like? Oh, this is a great question, because actually, although weddings do happen all year round, yes, they are very seasonal, especially if like myself, I'm based around the Cotswolds. I cover Warwickshire and the Cotswolds in the West Midlands. So a lot of my ceremonies are outside in Cotswolds country gardens. So of course, they're going to be in the summer. So this is a really great question. So actually, although the actual weddings themselves are happening throughout the summer, the work for those weddings happens in the winter. So summer weddings are actually created in winter. Because if you think about it, the wedding is kind of the finish line. We've spent all the time working hard before the wedding, and the wedding is actually the final bit that we get to go and, you know, actually deliver that ceremony. So I would say managing through the off season. In the quieter season, you tend to be using that time to be writing your scripts, to be meeting with your couples, to be getting them ready, to be able to, you know, get their ceremony script written. But also in that offseason, you'll find that that's when the wedding fairs take place. So a lot of the wedding fairs tend to be kind of January, February time, and then later on in the year, like October, November time. So you are still very busy doing all the other bits of your celebrant work. So yes, you're not actually going to the weddings themselves, but you are putting the work in, and you are finding those future couples that will then be, you know, perhaps your summer weddings the following year or two years on. Now, financially, how do they manage? This is something that I learned along my journey as a celebrant, that I wanted to change the way that I take payments from my couples to be able to make it a little bit more evenly spread. So what used to happen is I would take a booking fee and then I would take the final balance. So a lot of that was obviously the booking fee at the start, but then the majority of the fee for the ceremony was taken just before the ceremony itself. So actually, what I've done now is I split those payments into three, which means that then I'll get a booking fee, I'll take another payment halfway through, and then I'll take the final payment before the ceremony. And that way it means that I'm spreading that fee across the year. So it means it's not all going to land at once in the summer. But actually it's just practice making sure that, if you are getting, you know, those payments for those ceremonies that are in the winter, making sure that financially, you're putting some money aside, perhaps you put it all in one account, and then you pay yourself monthly. That's how I do it now. But it's just kind of a bit of trial and error and working out how it works for you, so that financially, that money that you make in the summer, when you're very busy, can actually tie you through the quieter season. So yes, that's a very long winded answer, but I hope that helped. Okay, so let's get our next question. Brand identity, when do you know yours? Oh, that is a really good question. Okay, so brand identity, this is something that is always evolving, I think, as you continue your career as a celebrant. So you might have a brand at the beginning that you think, yeah, that's perfect, and that's the kind of vibe that I want to set off. But then as you spend time working on your business, as you start working with new couples, with new families, you work out the kind of ceremonies that you want to do, so that brand identity then comes from that. So you have to think about, okay, what kind of ceremonies do I want to do? And then you build your brand around those ceremonies. So you will hear it if you've done any research into kind of the marketing. Side of the business, you will hear it all the time about finding your ideal client. So you have to picture in your head who is that ideal client. So for me, I won't use their real names now, but for me, I use a couple whose wedding I did two years ago, and everything about that wedding was exactly what I wanted to, you know, achieve from the wedding ceremonies that I create. So they wanted a lot of personality in there. They wanted to get married outside. They wanted a very relaxed feel. They wanted to have fun with their family, a few surprises in there. But also they wanted those romantic vibes too. So that for me, I always think about that wedding. So when I'm doing anything to do with my brand, I think would that couple like it? So once you have thought about who your ideal couple is, the rest will kind of follow and fall into place. So I would say with that brand identity, yes, you might have one at the beginning, but don't worry or be concerned if that brand changes. As you are, you know, doing more ceremonies, you kind of learn a bit more what you feel is actually right for you and the kind of ceremonies that you want to deliver. But the best bit of advice for your brand identity is be yourself. Because you are your brand. People are buying into you as a celebrant. So if you're being yourself, the rest of it will follow. Okay, next question, let's have a look. 6:19 These are good, very impressed. 6:22 What's the best advice you've been given? Oh, that is really, really good. Well, one of them I've just, I've just mentioned it, it's, be yourself, definitely. And I think that is the number one piece of advice. I think when I first started as a celebrant, I was trying to be the celebrant that I thought people wanted, and I was maybe not being fully myself, whereas actually now I will just be completely myself on those video calls when I first meet a couple, or when I first meet a family, if we're discussing perhaps a celebration of life, I will completely be myself, because then I know that if that family or that couple buy into that, I know that we are going to have a great working relationship, and that ceremony is going to be perfect for them, because I'm I'm not trying to be somebody. I'm not. So I think be yourself is a really good bit of advice. I also think, as well, another piece of advice that I've been given is to mind your own business, and that was from one of our fellow mentors, Tara, who is just incredible. But I think that is so, so true. I think if you're focusing on what you're doing as a celebrant, that is the most important thing. Because sometimes when you come into this industry, it can be very overwhelming with looking what everyone else is doing, looking what all the other celebrants are doing, maybe on their website or on their social media. So then you start to follow those and then you question what you're doing, or perhaps you follow and try and copy what they're doing, and none of that works for anyone. I think the main thing is, if you mind your own business, you think about what you are doing. You're not going to get overwhelmed by other people. You're not going to suffer with imposter syndrome, because you're just doing what you're doing, and you're concentrating on that. So I think definitely mind your own business is a really great phrase that I like to live by, because I just think, then I know what I'm doing is working. I don't second guess myself. And I just think, look at my business. I'm investing that time into my own business, rather than trying to worry what everyone else is doing. So yeah, I think that's a great piece of advice as well. Okay, next question, look, do people have expectations for a celebrant? For example, age? When I spoke about training as a celebrant, some friends of mine said that people would perhaps want an older celebrant. Oh, that's a really good question. And I think, yeah, I think I wouldn't say necessarily that people do have those expectations. But I think if they're going to it tends to be more like, you say, family and friends, they might like. I remember when I first started, those expectations were, well, you're not going to be able to do the legal bit. So what's the point? That was one of the expectations that, you know, family and friends said to me, and I was like, well, it's not going to matter, and I will prove to people that that's not the most important thing. So that was an example for me, I think the older celebrant thing. I wouldn't necessarily say that age needs to come into it, but I do think in general, you do find a lot of celebrants in the funeral industry, or perhaps slightly older, but you also find that in the wedding industry, I wouldn't really say it's age. I would say it's more wisdom. So I think perhaps couples feel reassured if they've got a celebrant who is married themselves, for example, because it then means that they've been there, they've done that, they've gone through it. So they can use empathy to be able to, you know, advise the couple on how to, you know, shape their wedding ceremony. So I don't know if necessarily the expectations are there. I think for weddings, the age thing maybe isn't such a big thing, but I think for think for funerals, I have had it before, because I do deliver funerals myself, and I have had some people who have said, Oh, you're young for a funeral celebrant. And actually, I think that is changing. I think we are seeing a lot more younger people who are choosing this as a first career. But I think maybe it used to be that celebrancy was a retirement. Element option, or was a career that you'd maybe do kind of your second or third career. It might be something you do later in life, whereas perhaps more people are now choosing it as a first or second career. So that's why we are getting some, you know, younger celebrants emerging, but yeah, I wouldn't say necessarily there's expectations, but I think maybe couples and families do feel reassured if they know that they're working with somebody with that life experience. So that might be where your friends are thinking, Okay, let's have a look in terms of a typical week in the life of a celebrant. How much time do you spend behind the scenes per ceremony? Oh, this is a really good question. Okay, so a typical week, I guess that's broken down into how much time you spend each week on on a ceremony. So it really does depend on the kind of ceremonies that you're doing. Obviously, if you are delivering a funeral, then a lot of that work is going to be a lot more concentrated into a smaller amount of time. So when you're doing a funeral, the chances are the funeral director will call you and that ceremony is going to be within the next two to three weeks. So you do tend to spend a lot more time on that ceremony in that week, if that makes sense, because you haven't got as much time to do the whole thing. Whereas I guess with a wedding, if you're actually not going to be delivering that ceremony until a year or two down the line, you might do a little bit of work on it at the beginning with the booking and the inquiry call. Then you might do a little bit more work on it when you send the questionnaire out to your couple. Then you might have a bit more work on it when you meet face to face. Then you write the script, all those things. So it's kind of broken down a little bit more. But I would say, on average, it's 20 to 30 hours that you spend per ceremony. I think from start to finish, around 20 to 30 hours feels about right, and that kind of covers all your meetings, all your script writing, all your planning time. Obviously there'll be some couples and families that it takes a lot more than that, and there'll be some that it's a lot less than that. But I think if you think on average, 20 to 30 hours per ceremony, which is obviously spread across the time between booking and the ceremony itself. I think that's probably a good guide, which actually a lot of people are always surprised about. When you say 20 to 30 hours on a wedding day, when you've rocked up and you know they've seen you there for a few hours, they're like, Wow, I can't believe it takes that much time, but it really, really does okay. How do you plan ahead with summer holidays and booking time away with family? Oh, that is a really good question as well. So I think discipline is very important when it comes to this, because when you start booking your ceremonies in for the following year, you have to be so disciplined with yourself to be able to say no, to make sure that you are taking time out for yourself. And it was something that we covered very recently in my episode with Nicky Smith, who was celebrant in Scotland. We spoke about how important that mental health is, and it really is so true, because we give so much to our families, and there are a lot of emotions involved that it is important that you are, you know, taking time out. So for example, with this one. I definitely am not the perfect example to follow, but I'll just tell you how I'm kind of managing it looking forward at next year. So next year, at the moment, I've got about four ceremonies booked in August, and my husband's a teacher. My eldest goes to school already, and my youngest is at a term time only nursery. So for us, we will be going on holiday in the school holidays. So August is most likely the best time for us to have a holiday. And I know I've got those four ceremonies, and I've sat down and worked it out that I've got 11 days between two of them, so we know that is when we're going to book our holiday. And I'm just having to say, From now, even though we haven't booked it yet, I'm having to say, right, no, that is going to be the time that I'm off, and that's it. If I get inquiries for those days, I'm going to say no. Now, like I say it does take a lot of discipline, because when you get an inquiry for a wedding next year and it's the time that you think I was going to be on holiday, it's so easy to say, Oh yeah, I'll do it, and we'll fit a holiday around it. But then when the time comes and it is this time next year, and you realize you're not having a proper break, that's when you regret it. So I think planning ahead exactly as you've asked in the question, how do you plan ahead? That is something that is really, really important. You need to think, right? What do I want to do in terms of having time off next year, get those dates in and just imagine that it's already booked, and if not just get your holidays booked early, and then you know that it's booked and you can't change it. That's always a good way to do a good way to do it as well. So yeah, I think discipline definitely, because I do it myself, I just say yes to everything, and then at the time, I'm like, Oh my God, I've got no time off. So yeah, it is very important. Is there a life event that you would like to see people celebrate more? What? What would the celebration be like? Oh, that's a really good question. I think I would love to see more vow renewals. Now I know we already celebrate them, and I know that this is probably you want to know about a new event, but I just think vow renewals are one of my favorite. Ceremonies to deliver, because on a wedding day, you've got the excitement of what's to come. So it's very, very exciting. And a wedding day is, you know, beautiful, because you can talk about your relationship so far, but a vow renewal, you're then talking about your actual marriage, and you're talking about the time that you've, you know, been together. If you're having a vow renewal. The chances are you might have gone through some big life events together, perhaps buying a house or having children, and all of that gets celebrated in a vow renewal. So I think vow renewals are such a special ceremony, and I wish we celebrated them more. I wish we did more of those, whether they be a 10 year, a 15 year, 20 year, whatever. I know we sometimes have the big parties, but I think the ceremony side of a baronial is so special, and reaffirming those promises to each other, because sometimes, once you've been married for a long time, you kind of forget what's important. And, you know, things get in the way life gets in the way children get in the way. So I think reaffirming that is really, really special. But then in terms of a new event, 16:02 I think something to do with parenthood. I think, you know, I am a mum to two young children myself, and these last my eldest is four. These last four years have been so transformational within our lives, both separately and together. So I think some sort of motherhood, not even graduation, because I guess that's when they're a lot older. But some sort of like motherhood celebration, I would love to see. I think maybe, you know, groups of friends that have been through motherhood together, or somebody that's done it themselves. I mean, it's a big achievement keeping small humans alive. You know, we celebrate their birthdays, but that's about them. I think motherhood is such a big change in people's lives. So I think having some sort of ceremony to mark that is really important. And again, you have naming ceremonies, but they're normally about the child or about the person, you know, whereas I think actually having a motherhood or a parenthood ceremony, I think would be really, really special. But yeah, there's all big things, I think sometimes as well, when people leave a job that they've been in for a long time, that's a massive life change. That's a big shift in your life, or starting a new business, that's, that's absolutely huge. And that's that takes a lot of hard work. And you know, something that we could do to celebrate that would be good too. So, yeah, I think anything we can celebrate in life is worth it? Professional Life celebrators, that's what we are. Oh, I've only got three left, right. Here we go rehearsals for weddings. Do you rehearse the whole ceremony? Oh, that is a great question. No. So normally, a wedding rehearsal, the main things that you want to practice are the entrance. So anyone that's going to be walking down the aisle. Anyone that's going to be there already and sit you in the ceremony, you want to make sure that everybody knows where they're standing, because that can be the bit sometimes where people feel a bit awkward because they don't know where they're going. So if you can practice that, that is really, really important, and it makes that entrance really smooth. So anyone that's walking down the aisle, make sure that they know where they're going. When they get to the end where they're sitting, make sure they've got reserved seats. That's always really important. But then also with your couple themselves. So rehearse with them where they're going to be stood in the ceremony. I did a rehearsal last week for a ceremony, and we put them in one position where I was going to be telling the story. So I wanted them to be together and I was going to be on the other side, but when we looked the side that we thought they were going to be stood, right behind them was a big fire exit, and not a great backdrop, whereas if we switch sides behind them, then was more flowers, you know, a lot more decor. There's some candles, things like that. So actually we decided to switch it. So I think rehearsals are really good for practicing. One, the entrance, but two where the couple are going to be stood, so they know exactly what they're doing. And obviously rehearsals are great as well, if you have got somebody who's going to be controlling a playlist. So if you've got music there, it's really, really good to be able to practice those cues, because music is so powerful within the ceremony. So if you can get it right and nail it, it really takes your ceremony from here to here. So I think practice your music, practice your entrance, and practice where the couple are going to be stood and their positioning during the ceremony, and the exit as well. The exit is important, but perhaps not as much as the entrance, because you haven't got as many moving parts. Normally, the entrance is a lot of people involved. So that's why it's good to practice it right? Two more, let's have a little read through how do you manage with sickness and emergencies? Oh, that is a good question as well. And actually, that's a question that comes up nearly every time on an inquiry call with a couple so this is where your network of fellow celebrants is so, so important. We always talk about community over competition, and this is so true when it comes to emergencies and sickness. Because we are self employed. We're running our own businesses. Sick pay doesn't exist, so that's where you need to have other people on standby to be able to help you out. So for example, I would build up a network of local celebrants if you can get on some. Whatsapp groups, you know, get together, have occasions where you can actually just hang out and spend time together, because then you get that feeling of colleagues. But also, you know then that you can depend on each other if it happens. So I'm in probably three or four WhatsApp groups with different celebrants in different areas, and I know that if I was having a week where I was feeling unwell, or I know that I woke up one morning and just felt too ill to be able to go and do a ceremony, I would be able to contact those groups and find out if anyone's free, and make sure that somebody could then go and deliver the ceremony for me. Now, touch wood. It hasn't happened. I can't find any actual word, but we'll do my head. That'll do i can't i It hasn't happened to me, and I've been a celebrant for almost six years, and it hasn't happened so far. I've, you know, had the odd sniffle or a sore throat, but I don't know what happens. I feel like the adrenaline or something gets you through. But even other celebrants, who are exactly the same, and it's never happened to them, life does happen, and things do get in the way. So having that network of other celebrants around you is so important, and not just one or two. Have a network of multiple celebrants, because things like that, you know, if it's a busy Saturday in July, chances are a lot of celebrants will have a booking. So it's really important to make sure that you've got a few people, and obviously discuss that with your couple as well. Chances are, if the wedding's on a Saturday, you might know by the Wednesday that you're not feeling great and something's, you know lurking. So that's always a good idea. And then same for the emergencies. Obviously, we can't always predict those, and you know, it can be a situation where you haven't expected it at all. So I think my advice for that would be make sure that you're always getting to your ceremonies at least an hour to an hour and a half before the ceremony starts, because then if anything does happen, you know that you've allowed that little buffer of time. So it's not going to be that you were aiming to get there 20 minutes before, and then you hit some traffic, and that's it. You're going to miss the ceremony. So make sure you allow enough time to be there before. Allow extra time for traffic, all of those things like, you know, but actually making sure that you've allowed that time means that if anything did happen, if there was a last minute emergency, it would give you more time to be able to find a replacement to go on your behalf. And you know, we're a friendly bunch our celebrants, if you put on your Instagram Stories, oh my god, I'm on the way to a wedding and I've got a flat tire and I can't get there. You know that other celebrants would all rally together, and they would find somebody that would be able to go and do it on your behalf, and that's also another reason why, when you write your script, always make sure that in your scripts you've got all the information, all the details, all the directions, as well as the actual words that you're going to say, because then if anyone does have to deliver it on your behalf, they know exactly what's happening, but fingers crossed it won't happen. Okay, final question, let's hope it's a good one. Let's have a look. Apart from the course, what would you benefit from investing in to help your business? Oh, that is a really good question. Okay, so I guess you've got the actual physical things, like the products, so things like a PA kit, that would be really beneficial to invest in your own PA kit, because that then means if you're going to ceremonies that are outside, if you're going to ceremonies that are at somebody's house where they're not going to have a set pa kit that the venue runs, you know that actually you've got your own. So that's definitely something beneficial. I think your equipment, you need to make sure that you've got a really good quality computer. So whether that be a laptop, whether it be a PC, a Mac, whatever you want to use. I think investing in a really good, reliable, good quality computer is very, very important. What other things do? I think would be really important, I guess. Yeah, the technology things, if you want to do your ceremonies on a Kindle. For example, I bought a Kindle before I did my first ever ceremony, and I've always done my ceremonies on the Kindle. I absolutely love it. I think it's one of the best investments I've made in my business, and I really enjoy using that. So if tech is something that you're into, then that would be really important. A printer, good quality printer, obviously, if you're printing vowel books and things like that. So I guess that's kind of all the techy stuff that you'd invest in. And then marketing wise, wedding fairs, obviously things like that, they are an investment, and you do sometimes have to pay a fee to have a stand at a wedding fair. But actually, if you know you're going to go along to that wedding fair, and you're going to meet loads of potential couples and perhaps even book one or two from that wedding fair, then you're getting that really strong return on your investment. So actually it's worth investing in it. So I think wedding fairs, anything marketing related like that, styled shoots are really, really good. Sometimes you have to pay for a styled shoot for them to be able to pay for the venue hire, or for, you know, paying the models or whatever. So I would say styled shoots are something that's really good as well, because especially if you are paying to be there, chances are you're going to be able to dictate a little bit more what content you would like from it as well. So I think that's really important. Anything else that I would recommend investing in, I think really just those kind of things, but also maybe CPD as well. So obviously, we've spoken about the training, but the training doesn't finish when you become a celebrant. 24:59 Actually. Be you know that continued professional development, going on those courses, spending that time with other people, but investing in yourself, you're investing in your own business, and that is going to pay off dividends, because you will just have that confidence to use all these new skills that you've learned to be able to push your business that bit further. So I think that's something really important as well, and that, my friends, is it for all the questions. So thank you to everyone that has sent them in. We had loads and loads of questions. Unfortunately we couldn't answer all of them, but thank you so much if one of your questions has been answered today, and like I said at the start of the podcast, thank you so much for listening and just being a fantastic audience all the way through. You have been amazing. So if you have got anything that you would like to share for series two, if you've got any requests for certain episodes that you would like to see, or if you've just got any general feedback, we would love to hear from you. So you can get in touch at Hello at Academy of modern celebrancy.com, or, of course, if you would like to just give us a review on the podcast and let us know what you thought this series, then you can just leave your review wherever you get your podcasts, and fingers crossed, if we get enough good ones, we will be back for season two. So thank you again. So much for listening, and it has been an absolute blast. You.