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What LGBTQ+ Youth Actually Need With Brian Wenke · find your cause

• speaker-0: To be in a position to remove life-saving health care from a young person, it's just unconscionable to me. And and it's happening and we need to be aware of it. I do feel like we will get through it. I do feel that there are basic human rights being violated here and not allowing young people in particular to pursue and receive the health care that they need and deserve to lead healthy, happy lives. speaker-1: I think this is a good point to to for education here. What what is happening? What what care is being denied and why? Or or legislation is being proposed to to deny. Alrighty, so thanks everyone for tuning into this episode of Find Your Cause. Today we have Brian Wenke, who's the executive director of It Gets Better. Brian, thank you so much for your time today. speaker-0: ⁓ thank you for having me. speaker-1: Yes. All right. So per usual. Yes. Thank you so much. Per usual we like to start with the mission of the organizations we're interviewing. So what is the mission of It Gets Better? speaker-0: It gets better. Our mission is to uplift, empower, and connect LGBTQ youth around the globe. And we do that in a few different ways. We are primarily known as a storytelling organization, but we also have a ton of incredible education programs. And we also focus on community building at a at a global level. All of this to ensure that LGBTQ youth can see and envision a future for themselves. And in in some cases Allow us to help them pursue it. speaker-1: All right. And I've I've j already wrote down like three rapid fire questions, but before we do, Brian, why why is ⁓ it's g it gets better something that you've d dedicated a large portion of the the past few years to? speaker-0: Sure, my God, I've been with the organization now over ten years, which is I don't know, it just seems like it's gone by very quickly and as it does when you hit my age, but everything goes by a lot faster than you hope. But when when the organization was was founded in two ten twenty ten, which was five years before I landed on the scene, the it was it was a movement that was designed in response to a suicide contagion among LGBTQ plus youth. And it was still very much focused on that, like anti bullying, anti-suicide. And that was something that I had to deal with. I had a a tumultuous experience in my youth in the process of my coming out. And there weren't nearly as many resources as there are today for LGBTQ plus young people. And I just wanted to be part of something that filled a gap that I wish was filled when I was young and and coming to terms with my my sexual orientation and and identity. So that's what drove me. And because it's nonprofit, my entire career has been based on these connecting with causes that have some sort of meaningful intersection with my life. And this was a big one. And yeah. Hoping I can do my little part to make sure that there are no youngsters running around feeling like they they have no hope and no support. speaker-1: Yeah. So b back then when you mentioned the inception of the organization about fifteen or so years ago as a response to g hopefully getting rid of suicide related to the just related to the experiences of of youth. What what was what was the experience then and and how has it improved and and is there I don't know if there's data that shows the improvement, but are you seeing a a an improvement due to of course a lot of the programming advocacy that you guys have? But Talk me through the experience back then and and how it's improved now and what are still the big gaps that you guys are trying to close. speaker-0: Sure. There are organizations out there that are very focused on crisis intervention. And I just want to be clear, it gets better was never about crisis intervention. There was a moment going back to the early days of the organization where there was a a a slate of highly public deaths from suicide. Seth Walsh, Billy Lucas, and the founders of It Gets Better, they were like, if we had five minutes alone with any of these kids, maybe I We could have imparted the wisdom just to get them through to the next day. And so there really wasn't there really wasn't a way in. Like, how are we going to get in front of young people to to deliver this message, to show that they are not alone, to show that there is a huge community out here with many people that have had shared experiences, but found a path to to a better time. And so they took to social media and they Took to YouTube, which at the time, I jokingly say this, but it was a time when YouTube was like known for cat videos, right? And it was the first time that social media in many ways had been leveraged to create some sort of social impact. And and that one video with our founders, Dan Savage and Terry Miller, sharing their personal experiences and asking other people to share theirs led to this. incredible viral moment that gave birth to our organization. And the the sentiment in the early days of the organization was all about you're not alone. Life can get better and we're going to prove it by sharing these stories that validate that sentiment. We know that there are tons of people out there that had a rough time coming out, navigating high school. I don't know anyone who has gotten out of high school unscathed. It sucks. It's it's a challenging time for everybody. But young queer kids have A little bit of a harder road to hose. So but yeah, that's what ultimately gave birth to our organization. And that's what we have been known for primarily among millennial audiences. And but we've evolved significantly over the years. And I would say the upcoming generations like Z and Alpha don't necessarily know us from that original campaign. They know us through the leadership development activities and the civic engagement opportunities that we are offering young queer people who want to make a difference now. Through through programs like Youth Voices, which is our ambassador program, through Changemakers, which is our grant making initiative for youth-led projects to create more inclusive communities. But we've been we've been at it for a while, and and we are still when you talk about whether or not it's gotten better, yeah. I I I would say it has. I would say that suicide is a very difficult issue. It's incredibly complex. Unfortunately, we're starting to see some uptick on that front. But at the same time, there are more young people coming out now than ever before. People might look at the current moment with all of the anti-LGPT Q plus legislation that's circulating around the country and say this is this is not a great time. But we've been here before the community ebbs and flows with crisis. There I grew up in the 80s. In the middle of the AIDS crisis. That was a a significant moment that led to a lot of progress and a lot of change that might not be fully understood today, but we'll get through this moment. We'll the community is incredibly resilient. Young people are resilient, but I have a lot of confidence that we need friction in our lives to understand what's truly valuable and to fight for it. So I do think it has gotten better. Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah, but still have a ways to go, I feel like. S say I or you're sitting down with somebody that is in high school or that is being bullied and and and and or maybe even somebody that is potentially on the brink of of committing a suicide. Very serious conversation having sitting down with them, if you're able to have a one-on-one conversation, what would be some of the things that you'd talk them through? Is it like this you said you guys are focused on storytelling, but I feel like especially nowadays, there are a lot of people that are very like coming out, I feel me personally, over the past ten, fifteen, twenty years, I have seen a lot more openness towards that community. So i is still storytelling the solution of of talking to young kiddo that is is being bullied for this and and and really going through a hard time just saying storytelling is a route and and using examples or are are there anything else that you're using new now to connect with maybe the younger generations? speaker-0: I think I've had a a lot of people have asked, How does this video save lives? And I'm like, this is not what I would prescribe for someone on on the brink of a crisis situation. But we really try to target upstream to get in front of young people before there is a crisis. Because if if someone is in crisis and and I have an opportunity to sit down with them, we are not crisis interventions. And it gets better. We just want to make sure that no crisis happens because life is tough. The world rarely rolls out the red carpet for anyone. Let us help you navigate it and show you some ways that you can control your experience. But if someone's on the brink, I'm going to sit with them and as long as it takes and maybe find some additional resources, like actual crisis intervention organizations like Trevor Project and and and and just be there and listen. It's it's it's I think it's very hard. Suicide is such a a personal thing. It is an ultimate form of control. And it's it seems like an easy solution, but it is it is not. It is damaging. It leaves a a trail of of really hard times behind. And so I would I would hope that we could get in front of kids before something like that happens. Because when you're young, you don't feel like you've got your parents, you've got school, you've got all of these forces that are like telling you what to do and caging you in in many ways. But there are there are ways that you can exert some control over that experience. ⁓ speaker-1: Yeah. I like that control your experience. What what are some some ways that people can have feel like and and take more control over their experience to yeah, cause 'cause I do feel like it's it's probably an amalgamation of so many stressors in life that it's not just one specific event that causes you to want to have it's it's constant pressure over lar like long periods of time. But yes, I'd love to hear about how you how you define controlling your experience. speaker-0: Yeah, to your point, there's there's pressures associated that are external. And then there's internal pressures that we place on ourselves. And then when you're talking about being an adolescent, when hormones are running wild, we tend to be more impulsive when we're younger. And that's that's not a good combination, right? When you get older, that impulsivity wanes a little bit as you start to understand how things work, but When you're young, we do I think we take more risks than than anybody around us wish we would. But when you talk about taking control, the way that we focus on it at Etiketts Better is we know that connecting with your community, connecting with peers, getting involved in your community. And I'm not just talking about the LGBTQ community. I'm talking about your community, wherever you are, and and finding ways to to plug in into that world. in productive and meaningful ways. And there is a huge positive trade-off when you have opportunity to access communities that look like you, speak like you, want to do things like you do. And so we try very hard to to put young queer people in those situations where they are going to grow because of the nature of the environment that they're they're participating in. So that's where change makers come into play. Our our grant making initiative for young LGBTQ plus emerging leaders who want to do something to make their community more inclusive and accepting. And we have a wide range of projects that we fund from community gardens to gender and sexuality alliances to queer proms to inclusive libraries. And it's all Fun stuff as far as I'm concerned. But what's more important to me is not necessarily whether or not the community garden is beautiful and well executed. It's that these young people are are learning the process of working collaboratively with people around them to make something happen and and and then experiencing, sharing in the awards of of successfully completing an initiative. That's And I hope that for the young people who aren't self actualized, who are still struggling with who they are, who aren't out and open and ready to contribute to the community, they can see these other folks who who are out there being shining examples that even when you're young, you can you can do some pretty cool stuff. speaker-1: Yeah. I I I r I really like the the philosophy you mentioned about not only people that are in the LGBTQ plus community, surrounding themselves with people that are also in that community to to experience and and maybe to find mentors or to see that there there it it it there is hope if if if you're if you're feeling a little bit more hopeless. Like people are are are still living and thriving through through life. You also mentioned coaching them and and and having them being graded whatever whatever community they're in currently, which could be different from the LGBTQ plus community. And and I feel like in the age of technology with social media, it it is almost like preventing us from from from interacting with communities that are different from our own. Just like the algorithms just forcing you down what you're comfortable with. Or what you're typically supposed to. So having programs that take you outside of your typical community, I think, is a huge value. And on the flip side, people that are not a part of the LGBTQ plus community in the same respect, maybe integrating themselves with other communities like the LGPDQ community. So all that to say, like if if I am somebody that has never interacted with somebody in the LGBTQ plus sorry, I keep the it's it's a larger long abbreviation. the the reasons why you would say and and challenge people that aren't or that don't don't typically cross paths with that community to to do no. I think it goes both ways. speaker-0: Yeah. It isn't definitely it's definitely an interesting time. There's a lot of polarization in even on on the political front. To your point, algorithms love to put folks in a box and drive you to to folks that look like you in the spirit of maybe that's what they want. Maybe or maybe that's what this person wants. I I think they're they're trying to get people to enjoy the platforms that they're on. But I think one of the the challenges that we We have right now when it comes to issues around LGBTQ plus people is I believe that even the community has some responsibility in how this has happened, but we've become monolithic and we've become this this experience that somehow rivals all of our other identities and experiences. Because I think when you talk about an LGBTQ young people and you label them as LGBTQ, like that immediately puts them in a bucket. And We love as human beings, we love to put things in buckets. It's just easier to process like that. But but we but we don't know that LGBTQ plus youth are still youth. They they experience the same things that every everyone else in their age bracket is experiencing. They have the same desires. They they they worry about the SATs, they worry about all of these other things, these intersectional experiences that I feel don't get as much credit. And so When when you say to me like how how do people who don't generally engage with this community, I'm like, I it's not like black and white like that. You are probably engaging with queer people every day and you just don't know it because you don't know them through that queer identity. You know them through their workplace identity or their school identity or whatever. And I think we need to honor the complexity of of human relationships and just our human experience. And and I think a lot of what even nonprofits in my space do. Like we lead with this very specific picture of what it means to be queer and it's all consuming. And I think we've lost a little bit of the the through line of of what it means just to be human. No. That's maybe more philosophical than speaker-1: Yeah, no no no. That makes a hundred percent sense. Yeah, no, that makes a hundred percent sense. You also mentioned th the the policies in the the legislation that is is has not taken a positive turn recently. For some reason, and this is probably me again not being as ingrained in the community, but it I I feel like it it is in a better state than it might be in. Which is weird. So talk to me about the evolution of the anti L G P D plus legislation, where we're at currently and where we need to go. speaker-0: ⁓ that's a big question. So over the last few years there have been upwards of there have been hundreds of anti LGBTQ plus bills that have been circulating. And a lot of a lot of these bills have been focused on the trans community, specifically health care, gender affirming care. And it's it it befuddles me, right, that this has become such an issue. speaker-1: Right. speaker-0: I I am a subscriber of science and I have my own beliefs outside of that. But at the end of the day, I always come back to science and what medical professionals and all the professionals that have studied the biology of our existence, I'm gonna put my faith in in those people to say what isn't is not right. And granted, it's an evolution, things changed. Things that were acceptable thirty years ago are not acceptable today, but I still Put my faith in science. And a lot of these bills, I I can't help but feel are just fodder for political discourse and to rally a base of people that really don't want to understand what it means to be trans and to be in a position to remove life-saving health care from a young person, it's just unconscionable to me. And and it's happening. And we need to be aware of it. I do feel like we will get through it. I do feel that there are basic human rights being violated here and not allowing young people in particular to pursue and receive the health care that they need and deserve to lead healthy, happy lives. speaker-1: I think this is a good point to to for education here. What what is happening? What what care is being denied and why? Or or ⁓ legislation is being proposed to to deny. Yeah. speaker-0: So there are like gender affirming care bans that are circulating. And so what this means, it it can cover a wide gamut, and this is not my expertise. I follow along, but it's it's things like something as small as hormone blockers, hormone treatments, things that have been proven acceptable for even non-trans communities. Hormone blockers have been used for a long time, and it it buys a young person time. While they're trying to figure out the path that they want to take or need to take. And it's things like that that are being denied. And and and it's forcing families to have to explore other options, heading to other states that do allow that kind of treatment, or in worst case scenarios, like leaving the country. And to me, I don't understand why legislators who are not medical professionals get to dictate what is and is not appropriate healthcare for young for young people. I've never I've never understood why that's acceptable. speaker-1: Yeah. I've seen some I again, also not an expert, I've seen some of the headlines though, and I feel like the headlines are more s associated with the age that should be allowed and shouldn't be allowed. Is there is there any have you seen any medical research as to if is it an age thing that's being prevented? Like anyone above or under eighteen is not allowed, but once you turn eighteen it really doesn't matter, it's your choice. It I think those are some of the headlines that I've seen recently and and it's more the age cutoffs. speaker-0: There is definitely an age distinguisher with a lot of these a lot of these issues. Again, I I am not an expert on all things because there are so many and they are all nuanced. But I think what what is also frustrating about why when you talk about parental rights in education, that is a big issue right now. And and for some reason parental rights and how their their children are are are cared for is another issue that somehow is acceptable to to delve into. And when it comes to age, there's like this, there are some circles that are like, my kid went to school and ⁓ a boy and came home a girl, as if a young person, a minor, could actually leave school grounds and get medical procedures done without the input of a guardian or parent. So there's like this this twisted tale of what young people have access to. And and it's just not the case. I I I I I I don't know many minors that are out there actually having surgeries for for people who are are diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This there are steps that need to be taken. There are there's therapy involved. There are All of these stage-gated processes that a young person has to navigate to get approval to do certain things to their body. And I would argue that anything that is surgical in nature, which is a lot of what politicians are focusing on, typically don't happen until someone is older, an adult, and so forth. speaker-1: So those stories are being weaponized by one political party as to the reasoning and the logic as to why this legislation should be in place? Yeah. speaker-0: What it is, it's a it's a battle between logic and emotion. And you have a a a ⁓ a community that sees trans people as as a threat. They see they s they see it in terms of mutilation of youth. And these are not realities. You know, young people are not mutilating their bodies in in the spirit of fully embracing their trans identities. It is a very challenging and involved path that that they have to pursue to fully realize who they are and who they want to be. And there's this appeal to an emotion. Again, going to school, a boy, coming back, a girl. It's just, it doesn't happen like that. And we have all of the science, we have lived experiences, but When you're in this debate, nobody wants to hear it. Nobody wants to hear the science. No one wants to hear the logic. And then the people who are spouting out the science and logic don't want to hear the emotional appeal, which is very much driven by false perceptions of this entire experience. And I don't know. I I think it's really tough. We have young people that we have worked with. We have trans people that we've worked with that are genuinely fearing for their lives. And I I find it unconscionable that the adults in the room can't exercise a little empathy and understanding and try to collectively to understand what young people are going through and and instead choose to be prescriptive based on a very myopic view of a given situation. speaker-1: So yeah. Th thank you for going on that tangent with me. I think there's a little education, yeah, that that I needed as well. So that that was great. speaker-0: There's always more more to learn. And there are great organizations out there that are are knee deep in all of this stuff. Lambda Legal, for example, is is very much out there fighting for the rights of of young trans people. speaker-1: It gets better. Let's let's dive into some of the programming focuses that you have. You mentioned storytelling, you have educational programming, you have community building programming. What ⁓ maybe ten years ago when you started, what did the programming look like then and and what has it grown to today? speaker-0: Sure. We were primarily a storytelling organization. And because of the success of the initial campaign, we are the leading LGBTQ nonprofit on YouTube, Tumblr, Twitch, and the largest LGBTQ youth-centric nonprofit on on TikTok and Instagram. And we leverage those resources as best we can to constantly push out affirming content, validating stories as we have throughout the entire existence of our organization. But we've also we also use that as like a catchment tool to to pull young people into our ecosystem so they can learn about the other programs that we have available for them, like our Youth Voices program, which we're about ready to launch a a recruitment campaign for the next cohort this fall. But Youth Voices, it's a it's a cohort of 10 young people from across the country, ages 13 to 18, that want to up their game in media literacy. They want to know how to hone their stories and they want to tailor their specific form of activism to to create positive change in the world. And so they come to us, we train them and then we give them opportunities to engage with journalists, to tell their stories on our platforms, to to engage with our brand partners. And so it's an it's an opportunity to to really up your skills in in the leadership development space. And the other one is Changemakers, which which we just closed our our proposal cycle for the next season, which we've got a lot of really great, exciting projects. We have we have grants in nearly every US state except one, and it's driving us crazy. So we have we have gotten grants into Florida into Alaska, into Hawaii, into Montana, but we cannot get in to Nevada. And for whatever reason, like there's just Nevada. Nevada. Nevada is the outlier. If we could get Nevada, that means we will have gotten grants in every single state across the US. And and now it's like my team is just we're gonna get it. We're gonna do it. If I if we had to get in a car and drive to Nevada and and get it. I don't know why it is. So these are great projects. Like they're they're not just like queer proms and inclusive libraries. They're these these young people are are putting together programming for teachers and educators to learn about the LGBTQ experience and how to be more inclusive in classrooms. There's such a wide array of projects and there's some speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. speaker-0: Really cool young people out there doing some incredible stuff. And I don't know where you were when you were like sixteen, but I certainly wasn't looking at how I could give back to my community and how I was like, I want my car, I want to I want my freedom. I was your average I don't know. I guess I I look back, I say it fine fondly. I was just like a nobody, just trying to make my way in the world, not trying to make waves, but speaker-1: Try to fit into the groups that you want to hang out with and like all the normal stressors. Yeah. Yeah. speaker-0: Exactly. But young people are just they talk circles around me. Like I just I'm I am in my fifties now and I'm not okay with it yet. But like these young people, they give me so much hope for the future because like I know these are the ones that are gonna be taking care of me and developing policies that impact me when I am at the tail end of my life. But like I These kids are great. So yeah, like youth voices. There will be a cohort opening up for the fall. That's a paid opportunity, by the way. That's we give a little bit of a stipend for that. And then change makers, those are grants of up to ten thousand dollars. So given out about a hundred and wait, about one point six million up to this point for about a hundred and seventy grants across the country. Wow. speaker-1: Yeah. Wow. I I'm I'm I'm guessing just organizationally to to continue operating for the past ten, fifteen years. Obviously getting support and fundraisers and and and grants yourselves to to be able to maintain operations. I feel a lot of that that process of securing a lot of that funding is associated with sh like sharing the impact and the data of the impact that you've had. How have you been able to convert like ⁓ social media, which is kind of hard to convert that into? Like you said, like how did this video save a life? It's just it's more than that. It's everything combined. It's it's over time how many people have gone through the programming, over time the reach our social media has had. How are you guys working on measuring that impact? speaker-0: So my team I'm gonna I will say jerkingly hates me for this because I if if there is something that can be measured, if there's something that is quantifiable that can be measured, I will measure it. And we have this growing list of there's like maybe 60 measures that I that I track, ranging from site traffic and site demographics and everything in the digital space to a lot of qualitative assessments that we get from actual participants in our programs. So like we do we do surveys before and after an experience for youth voices and for change makers. And obviously change makers r has like a a grant reporting process. And so all of that combined creates this like very rich, rich set of data that yeah, we leverage to to to fundraise. But not everyone, not all of our partners have the same Priorities. I think a lot of our our partners, especially those that are more familiar with the early days of the organization, understand the sentiment. They understand what is behind everything that we do, and that is enough. And then we have some that like that love more information than frankly I care to give sometimes, but I will do it because they should know. And I'm very proud of those numbers. And I am I'm very confident that it gets better. Is one of the organizations out there in our sector that really stands by the side of young people day in and day out. We know young people beyond the crisis and the disparities that they have the threat of encountering. But we we know young people. And I love talking about it. And I'd like to think that has helped us generate the support that we've gotten. And a lot of our donors keep coming back year over year. We've had donors that are Committed to us for ten plus years and it's like a family at this point. ⁓ yeah. Lots of data. I love it. I'm addicted to it. My team hates it because I'm like I'm like, guess what, y'all, you get to track something else. speaker-1: Yeah, there's d data point sixty one that you gotta add to the list. Yeah, yeah. speaker-0: Exactly. Exactly. speaker-1: Looking to the next ten fifteen years, what do you hope to see looking back fast forward ten fifteen years? speaker-0: So one of the things that 'cause I it's a great question and I I rarely get asked that question because I feel like our work is measured in decades, not in days, months, or even a year or two. Because the things that the experiences that we're offering young people today need to be nurtured and they need to grow over time. And who's to say that a a a co a Participating in a cohort of youth voices doesn't have some sort of long-term effect. So we, our theory of change is based on positive youth development. And the most significant impact and outcomes from those kinds of initiatives, those kinds of strategies are in the long term. So I would say that in 10 years from now, if if I had to look back at our work, I want to see, I want to see all of the youth voices in Incredible, meaningful lives. And that can be career focused. It can just be having a family. It can just be living their best life single in New York. I don't know. I I just want to see a trail of really cool young people that have grown up into incredible adults. And and I would like to think that and one thing that most people don't really know about it gets better is that we have a presence in nineteen countries outside of the US. We have we have affiliates in Canada, in Mexico, in Chile, and UK, and they're all doing incredible work. And I would love to see that network grow. I want to see programs to support LGBTQ plus youth in every single every single country that is is open to to giving their young queer citizens a fighting chance at a life worth living. And eventually I'd like to see us out of business. I don't My goal here is to put us out of business. I don't wanna live on in perpetuity. I it's I hope I don't know if it's gonna be ten years, but I I would like to see maybe less and less of a need for an organization like ours and speaker-1: Yep, yep, a hundred percent. Which is such a really cool component of this of this sector, this nonprofit sector is like literally the majority of us are working to to not have to to to to s to fill the gap or solve the problem that we're currently seeing in the world. So yeah, that's amazing. That's amazing. But is there anything that ⁓ you want to leave us with before we wrap up? I feel like we've covered a lot. speaker-0: We have covered so much ground. I have really enjoyed our conversation. So thank you for for including me in in your work. It's been great. speaker-1: Then engagement too. So people that are listening that wanna get engaged, what type of engagement do you look for and where could they find ya? speaker-0: The first thing I always say when it comes to engagement, I would say fundraising is always nice. But if you want to learn more about our work, we you can learn all about us on our website at itgetsbetter dot org and every major social platform at It Gets Better. There's a lot of stuff out there. Comment, like it, share it, do whatever you can to put our resources in front of a young kid that that has a lot to gain from it. And and I'm serious about leaving comments and I'm serious about feedback. We watch that stuff religiously and we involve young people in a lot of our our strategic decisions about our work and how we put ourselves out there in the world. So we love feedback. So that's one way that people can participate in our work in addition to fundraising. But I will say if you want to see us shine, we've got a lot of programming coming up in June. It's gonna be Pride Month. So in the digital space, we have a lot of programming on Twitch. Go check us out twitch.tv slash it gets better. And if you are if you are heading to your local Pride events, we send our young ambassadors to a lot of Pride events around the world. So keep an eye out for for our street teams out there spreading good cheer and goodwill. speaker-1: Yeah. Wow. Brian, thank you so much for your time. Really appreciate going over a little bit. And we'll be cheering from you guys here over at Gridden Zero Percent and and honored to share the work that you're doing. And and yeah, yeah. And and good luck with everything. Hopefully you're out of business like we said in ten, fifteen years. Yeah. ⁓ but but either way, if not, yeah, we'll be cheering you guys on. speaker-0: Thank you so much, Joseph. Appreciate speaker-1: Thank you.