Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Was any of it REAL with a narcissist?

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Was any of it REAL with a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be answering the question, was any
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  of it real with a narcissist? Or was it all fake from the
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  beginning? Was it all a ploy to manipulate
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  you, get into your life and break your heart?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Go. Welcome back folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes, narcissistic people.
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  Y'all get hyped to my theme music.
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  Don't worry, look, I'll just be bouncing in the background.
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  Y'all don't even see it. But yes, that's one of the
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  things, the main questions that I do get, y'all, was any of it
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  real? You know, was was it all fake
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  from the beginning? Was it a ploy?
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  Help me leave, please tell us and I'm going to tell you right
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  after I do a shameless plug for my kids book.
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  Check out my kids book. Read it by myself and my wife,
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  my wife and myself. I just said that backwards.
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  Her name, her name is even first on it.
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  Scott, remember it's not your fault.
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  It's available on Amazon. It is a kids book to it is a
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  conversation starter to have those some of those tough
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  conversations with your kids about toxic relationship
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  dynamics, telling them the truth, being honest, loving
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  yourself, all the other good stuff.
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  Y'all was available on Amazon. Scott, remember, it's not your
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  fault. Yes, yeah.
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  But narcissistic people, let's get into it.
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  Toxic people. Like, was any of it real?
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  And that's one of the things I, yeah, that's a question I get
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  from so many people because I, I know at the, at the crux of
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  everything, at the bottom line of every single thing, most
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  people just want to know that they mattered.
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  And I get it. I absolutely get it.
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  Most people in these situations just want to know that they
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  mattered to someone and that that all their time wasn't
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  wasted with this person. And I, like I said, I completely
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  understand that and I'm here to tell you that no, no.
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  So some, like all, there are some narcissists out there who
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  from the very beginning of the relationship, their intent is to
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  be manipulative, dishonest, hurtful, all of the other stuff.
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  Absolutely, yes, there's some narcissistic abusive people out
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  there who have their hearts and minds set on just being damn
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  near evil. People like those will be more
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  along the lines of like your sociopaths, your psychopaths or
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  whatever. Like not, not everybody's going
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  to be the same in this situation.
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  No, not even not all psychopaths or sociopaths are going to from
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  the beginning. Just like you have something I
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  want and I'm going to get it from you.
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  No, not all of them are going to do that.
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  Right? But are there some out there
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  from the very beginning? It's just a ploy to get
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  something from you. You know, you might have some
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  money, you might be you might be an exceptional need beautiful
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  person. You might, you know, have you,
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  you might have connections that they need.
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  Some people will absolutely use you for whatever you have.
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  You know, so that is that can be true.
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  There are some people out there who would absolutely use you.
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  Let's be real. It could be fake from the
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  beginning. Let's be honest, like just keep
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  it Yeah, there. It could absolutely be fake from
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  the very beginning with some of these abusive narcissistic
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  people, right. But on the other hand of thing,
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  there are some narcissists out there.
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  And I was talking to there's another content creator named
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  the Bat Wolf. He's he's a content creator.
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  He's another self aware narcissist.
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  I actually made-up with him when I was in Houston, TX a couple
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  weeks ago. We had this conversation like to
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  me, it's not always fake from the beginning.
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  To me, if I find somebody that I really like that I really want
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  to be with, I'm love bombing them because I want them to feel
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  loved. I'm love bombing them because I
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  want them to be, I want to be around them.
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  I'm love bombing them because I want to be in their presence.
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  This is why I'm love bombing them.
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  Like I'm not love bombing them from just trying to be
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  manipulative from the beginning. Like I'm going to manipulate
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  you. You know what I mean?
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  I'm not, that's not my goal right here is to be manipulative
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  in that space. My goal is to love bomb you
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  because that's all I know. You know, I want to, I want to
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  get you to love me as I want to get you to love me as fast as
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  humanly possible because it, for me, it's a benefit to having you
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  love me because I get this, I get validation, I get this
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  supply and I get you right. So from the beginning, I, my
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  goal is to get you. My goal is to be enthralled.
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  My goal is to because I feel good about myself.
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  I want you to feel good about yourself.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because I feel great about me
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  and I feel great because you make me feel great.
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  It's not just because I'm walking up every damn line.
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  I'm feeling great about myself. No, being around you makes me
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  feel great. I love this feeling that I get
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  around you. So I want to reciprocate that.
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  I want you to love the feeling that you get that you, the
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  feeling that I get from being around you.
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  I want you to get the same feeling for being around me.
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  I've had to close my eyes and work the words out.
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  Sometimes they'd be, they'd be jumbled up in my mind.
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  They come out, they come out in my mouth.
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  They come out jumbled up in my mouth.
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  But this happens to so many people, right?
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  It really, really, truly does happen.
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  And I tell so many people, it's just like I just from the
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  beginning, there are some nurses who really, I think really do
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  care about you. And let me I keep have I have to
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  get this I have to get this disclaimer every time.
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  Just because I am making this video saying that some
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  narcissists care and it is it could be real with some
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  narcissists does not mean that you should give that person
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  another chance. It absolutely does not mean
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  like, well, Lee told me, no, Lee did not tell you to go back.
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  Lee didn't say give another chance.
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  Lee is just trying to help you get Lee is trying to help you
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  understand and possibly get the closure that that narcissistic
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  person didn't give you to make you feel like you didn't waste
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  your time with this person. Sometimes like that back to the
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  back to your regularly scheduled program.
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  This is how it happens right here, y'all, There are so many
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  narcissistic people out there that they want you to feel good
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  because I feel good, you know, and we throw ourselves into the
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  relationship like you see, scroll across the bottom of the
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  screen is courses.mentalillness.net.
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  You can find my course called Understanding the Seven Stages
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  of a Narcissistic relationship where I go deeper into detail
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  about that, right? I go deeper into detail about
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  the love by me face. But narcissist wants you to want
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  to make you feel good because you make us feel good, right?
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  So we get down to the nitty gritty of it.
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  Once the love bombing ends, I start questioning every single
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  thing about you. That narcissistic person starts
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  questioning every single thing about the relationship down
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  there. Like is this real?
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  Is this something that I actually want?
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  You know, is this somebody I actually want to be with?
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  You know, can it, is this going to work out?
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  Like what is this situation going to be like?
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  They start questioning themselves like is, you know, is
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  there somebody they start questioning themselves?
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  Like is there somebody out there that that fits me better?
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  What's going on here? So some of them will absolutely
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  start to ask themselves those questions.
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  I started to ask those questions right there, like, is there
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  somebody out there that fits me better?
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  If there is, is there that? And because they start to ask
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  themselves their questions. So guess what happens to them?
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  They start falling out of love with you.
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  They start disconnecting from you because now they're started
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  questioning everything about you believe.
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  Why did they do that? Because they saw your flaws.
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  They saw that you were not perfect in the beginning.
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  They looked at you as perfect. You're a perfect human being.
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  But we all know perfection doesn't exist.
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  Unless you are a believer and you believe in the the almighty,
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  a perfect human doesn't exist. So you.
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  Yeah. And I, what I mean by flaws is
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  they just, you could have just said the word no to them.
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  You set a boundary. No, you laughed.
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  Weird. Whatever it is, you're not
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  perfect. It's not.
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  When I say flaws, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing When I say
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  you are. When I say flaws, it doesn't
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  mean that you are a bad person or something like that has
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  happened along those lines, right?
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  It just means that this person doesn't see you the same
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  anymore. And once they Start Stop seeing
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  you the same, they start treating you badly because now
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  it's, it's not, it's never going to be the same.
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  Like I see you differently. Like you're a different person
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  to me because of what's going on.
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  You're a different person to me because of how things are
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  balanced out and whatnot. You're just a different person
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  overall to me. And they hate it.
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  They really do hate it, you know what I mean?
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  They really, really do hate it. So then they started treating
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  you differently. They started disconnecting from
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  you and they start making you feel like you're worthless.
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  So when they, when at first they started to make you feel like
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  you were priceless, like you were in like you were priceless.
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  They, they, they couldn't put a price on you.
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  You were just in you just had so much value, so much worth.
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  But now they stripped you of all your worth and all your value.
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  Now you're feeling bad about the situation.
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  Now you're questioning every single thing that comes next or
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  whatever, whatever is going on in your space.
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  Now everything becomes like you. You like, is this real?
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  Was that real? Was then what can I do next?
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  Like is saying what's going to go on?
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  You're asking yourself all these questions and it's becoming more
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  and more confusing towards you because that's what that's what
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  ends up happening in these spaces.
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  You know, they, like I said, so it wasn't real.
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  Yeah, it was real in the beginning, but then it's still
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  real now. Like they're, it's just their
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  feelings have switched. It's like their feelings have
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  switched off. But I don't think it's the
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  feelings have switched off. When my love bombing ends, it's
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  not like the feelings just completely turn off.
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  We're trying to actively bury them like we're, it's kind of
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  like being buried alive. Imagine being like, I'm not
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  trying to be like trying to be bleak or grim, but imagine being
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  buried alive. You're not just like and you
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  like, imagine just standing in a hole while somebody's throwing
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  dirt on you trying to bury you alive.
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  Are you going to sit there and let them throw the dirt on you
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  or you going to fight to stay alive?
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  You're going to fight to stay alive.
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  You're going to be crawling. You'll be crawling teeth tooth
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  and nail to try to get out of that hole.
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  That's what our emotions for you are trying to do.
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  They're fighting to stay alive. So in or we we're trying to bury
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  them by treating you badly. But the emotions that we have
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  for you originally are fighting to stay alive, right as they
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  fight to stay alive. We're battling that and we have
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  we we are fighting in our own minds.
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  Are we making the right decision treating this person like this?
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  You know, do I just you know, are we making the right decision
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  trying to find a new supplies? There's somebody out there.
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  You know, I know originally I told myself that there that
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  there was somebody out there that's better for me, but is
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  that true? Is there anybody out there
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  that's going to be better for me?
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  You know, am I, am I going to be alone for us in my life if I
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  leave this person? So This is why even though they
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  might start to disconnect from you and treat you badly, This is
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  why a lot of times they don't just outright leave you because
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  they don't have anybody else right now.
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  You know, some of them, if they have somebody else, they might
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  outright leave you, some of them.
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  But a lot of narcissistic people in this situation don't just
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  outright leave you. They'll, they'll try to find
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  somebody else, right? They'll before they leave,
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  they'll try to secure a new supplier, new partner before
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  they leave. You know what I mean?
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  I know on your side of things, it was real for you.
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  That's why I'm just telling y'all.
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  Y'all didn't. Yeah.
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  I feel like you didn't waste time regardless of how the
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  relationship went. I don't think you wasted time in
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  this relationship. And I was just like, I know
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  people just in this situation because it's.
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  Yeah. Or there's some creators out
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  there who would just tell you straight up, none of it was
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  real. It was all fake from the
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  beginning. There's some creators that will
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  say that, right? There are absolutely some that
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  will say, hey, look, it was fake from the beginning.
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  This happened, that happened. But I can't do that.
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  You know what I mean? Because I believe, like I said,
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  I've cared about people. You know, it might have went,
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  went awry. It might went, it might have
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  went, it might have went into a different direction.
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  But it wasn't bad. You said it wasn't out.
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  It wasn't fake. But for me, it's hard for me to
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  tell a person who's been with somebody for 30 years just, hey,
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  look, your whole relationship was fake.
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  Get over it. Move on.
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  He'll break the trauma pond. You wait.
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  What if it was real and they just like they gave you
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  everything that they could give you?
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  You know, it doesn't just like reframing it doesn't change the
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  physical facts. You know, reframing your
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  situation, reframing your mindset doesn't mean that the
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  situation changed. It happened, right?
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  It's just changing your emotional connection to it,
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  changing your emotional reaction to it.
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  That's what reframing does. I didn't waste time.
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  I spent time now I, I spent time learning how to not to be
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  treated. You know what I'm saying?
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  That's what like reframing the experience.
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  Like you who, who created the light bulb.
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  The time is Edison, Thomas Edison created the light bulb
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  and they said he failed. Like I said, he he failed to
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  make a light bulb 1000 times before he made it before he got
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  it got it correct, right. He said, they said, how does it
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  feel failing 1000 times before you got one right?
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  Why'd you not give up? He's like, well, I didn't fail
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  1000 times. I I thought I've spent 1000
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  times learning how not to make a light bulb.
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  It should be one time to get it right.
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  So in these spaces right here, you have to reframe.
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  You try to reframe your experience.
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  I know it's yeah, I'm not trying to minimize your abuse.
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  I'm not trying to minimize or invalidate you.
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  I promise you I'm not. I'm just trying to give you a
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  different way of looking at things so that you can heal,
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  that you can grow, and so that you can possibly experience the
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  happiness that you absolutely do deserve, right?
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  Because you do deserve it. Let's be real.
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  You do deserve happiness. And but you have to believe that
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  for yourself. Like that's something that you
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  absolutely, you have to believe. You have to want that helps you
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  moving forward. You know what I mean?
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  Because like I said, I do believe a lot of it was real.
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  It's like they gave what if they gave you all that they had?
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  And I'm not trying to just like in I'm not trying to justify any
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  type of abusive behaviors. It's like God, is that you?
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  Is that God in the corner over there?
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  Wait a minute. Well, I'm I'm I'm highly favored
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  right now. So Oh, I feel it.
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  I feel y'all feel that. Y'all feel that this that can't
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  be a coincidence. It was as real as you wanted to
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  be out. Let's keep it hot and ready.
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  It's like you are literally worthy.
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  You ain't. Yeah, you got.
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  Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was.
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  It got to be sick. It got horrible, it got bad.
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  But when you get to that point, y'all that it just in your mind,
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  that's who they're going to be. You gave it your all.
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  It was real for you, you know, for them.
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  They're trying to minimize and make it seem like they never
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  cared about you because that's the only way that they can get
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  over you is to just try to make you feel like you're a piece of
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  shit is to try to make you feel like you're hurting.
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  You're like you wasn't worthy of their love.
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  That's why they treated you the way that they did.
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  That's the only way they can reconcile in their mind that
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  they are a horrible person. This is to say, you deserved it.
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  You didn't deserve it. The abuse was on them.
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  The healing is on you. You know what I'm saying?
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  Yeah, Some of it. Yeah.
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  It was real. It's as real as you want it to
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  be. You didn't spend 30 years with
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  somebody. You didn't spend 30 years.
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  You didn't waste 30 years of your life.
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  You sometimes reframe your experience.
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  I don't know. I'm gonna let the lights say
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  goodbye to y'all. If you made it this far, y'all
• 14:22
  go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 14:24
  I really, truly appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 14:27
  I'm thankful for y'all. I'm grateful for you.
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  I'm grateful for. For the delight of my shoulder
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  right here that I appreciate as well.
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  Y'all, be safe, take care of yourselves.
• 14:35
  You can find everything about me at mentalillness.net and it's
• 14:38
  always, as always, mental illness is out.
• 14:41
  See how I got into my thing again, Mental illness is out.
• 14:45
  Please. Thank you so much for making it
• 14:47
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 14:49
  Have no idea? If you haven't already, make
• 14:51
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 14:53
  Helps reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 14:55
  another video or to browse to another playlist.
• 14:57
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 15:00
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 15:02
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 15:04
  I will see you in the next video.