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The Cortisol and Nervous System Connection Every Woman Over 40 Needs to Hear · Cortisol Coach

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Welcome to the Cortisol Coach Podcast. If you're exhausted, gaining weight,
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losing your hair, your anxiety is through the roof, or the depression and emotional
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overwhelm have completely consumed your life, or maybe you're not showing up
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as the wife and mom you want to be.
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You've spent years never feeling good enough, taking care of everyone else while
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you quietly fell apart, and your body has been keeping score of every single bit of it.
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The chronic stress, hormonal shifts, perimenopause, menopause,
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whatever season you're in, cortisol is making all of it worse.
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And until you heal the root, nothing changes. But this show here is about to change that.
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I'm your host, Christine Marie, Holy Spirit-led Biblical Mindset Coach,
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and I have helped thousands of women heal their hormones and cortisol levels.
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Every week, I bring you leading experts, doctors, and coaches who will help
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you heal your body, mind, emotions, and your spirit so that you can step into
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every kingdom purpose that God has planned for your life.
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So go grab your cup of coffee and let's jump in.
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In a world that rewards hustle, my next guest teaches women how to stop striving and start healing.
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Her name is Carly Reiners, a medical health counselor, life coach,
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entrepreneur, and she is the founder of Rural and Well, which is rooted in wide
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open spaces of rural Nebraska.
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Raised in a country lifestyle that values hard work, faith, and resilience,
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she brings both a grounded and deeply real perspective to a conversation that
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most women, probably you, desperately need but rarely give themselves permission to have.
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She has built and led businesses, served as a hospital foundation director,
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advocating for rural health care, and she has spent her career helping women, especially mothers,
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understand the importance of rest, nervous system regulation, and cortisol balance.
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But clinically, she works with women navigating perimenopause,
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infertility, grief, and chronic illness, collaborating alongside medical providers
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to support true, integrated care. But what gives her message its deepest authority is this.
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She is a two-time stroke survivor.
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So she doesn't just teach rest. She actually lived the cost of what happens when we do not rest.
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She's a wife, mom of 14s, and a woman who is living out the very rhythms that
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she teaches every single day.
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She believes that we are all beautifully broken and being restored.
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And that real healing begins when we stop striving and start aligning with what matters most.
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Carly, I am so excited. Welcome to the Cortisol Coach Podcast.
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Oh, Christine, goodness gracious, I am just as excited. And I am so.
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Just so incredibly honored to be here with you. Thank you for having me today.
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Well, I'm excited for you to talk about rest. I know for me,
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rest was something that I felt, gosh, almost guilty of. there was no time to rest.
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And I know for me and probably a lot of other high-functioning women,
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especially over 40, who are wanting to be all, do all, impact their families
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in the most beautiful way,
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rest can feel bad.
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You're not wrong. I mean, that's spot on. I'd say that's probably what I hear
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from 90% of the clients that I work with.
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It's almost as if it's something we have to earn, right?
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Where it is this just natural, innate part of who we are and our being.
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I mean, on the seventh day, he rested, right?
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Right. We are to sleep and we are to rest, but we're also so much more than
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just laying your head on the pillow.
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And I think that's, to your point, what we see with mamas and high-functioning
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women just like, oh, it has to wait or oh, I can't.
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Just that chatter that is so negative and it holds that connotation.
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And so really, we have to flip the script there for sure.
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It's so funny because my husband would always say, you know,
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my kids and my husband would go sit down and they'd watch a movie and he would
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say, sit down, watch this movie with us. And I would say, I can't.
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There's just too much to do. If you guys are going to rest, great.
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I'm going to go take care of all these other things. And so I guess that leads
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me back to my first question for you is what led you here?
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Like, tell us the story. What led here for you?
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Absolutely. I mean, I think it started very early on for me just to be in motion,
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to be busy, to be high achieving.
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I remember being a student who was just like, oh, I've got to do it all right.
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On the outside, I'm really referring to like as a young woman,
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probably the most like look like I had it all together.
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I was very involved, you know, president of this, you know, checking the box here.
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But on the inside, already at like 16, 17 years of age, I was exhausted, exhausted.
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And that was just kind of the norm, at least where I grew up.
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I grew up in a small, of course, rural community.
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So we had the opportunity, right? So if there's an opportunity there,
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why not take advantage of it? If we can, we should, right?
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But I didn't understand limits and boundaries then that
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And so fast forward, right? I have this beautiful opportunity to,
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again, opportunity to be a mother and to be a wife.
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My college experience was great for the most part, but I was busy. I was working full time.
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I was studying just all the things. And it's almost as if like we're like slapping
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on metal after metal after metal.
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Like, hey, look at everything I've done. And socially works.
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Really, at least we were expected to. Like, this is what you do to get to the next level.
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And this is what you do to achieve this and to earn and to be in all the accolades.
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But you wipe all of that away, and it's like, at the end of the day, who is it about?
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And so in finding truly my rest, it came from God. It came from Christ,
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my Redeemer, my Redeemer that said enough.
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And it wasn't until recently, truly, after many life experiences that were challenging
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and rest was required, I kept pushing that to the side.
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And here today, you know, working with women, it's important.
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But you had said earlier in the introduction, that is part of my story.
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I was forced to have to meet what I was teaching face-to-face.
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I was life-flighted almost a year ago last June for the second stroke that I had experienced.
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Really had thought we were out of that chapter. And I remember being in the
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air and I felt something on my shoulder.
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I truly believe that it was Jesus
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Christ there with me. That was not the flight nurse come to find out.
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But I remember almost kind of bargaining, to be honest with you,
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with him like, hey, if this, then this. But one of the things in my prayer was,
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Lord, just show me. I surrender.
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I will. And part of that will was just being willing to slow down and be willing
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to practice what I preach.
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And so I've never been more convicted than I am today. So you've had two strokes.
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And the last, most recent one, do you feel like that was the most significant one?
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It was in the way of my mentation and of my eyes opening.
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I'd say my recovery from that looked a little bit different in the way that
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I was tired, just physically.
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But what happens to your brain when something like that happens,
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there's recovery that needs to take place. And so in that, it looked like coming
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back to this message that I share so frequently, but how am I showing up in my own life there?
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Am I able to say no? Am I taking the extra five minutes?
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Am I dysregulating? And dysregulation is a big thing there.
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And I really, looking back, there's a lot of science behind what was happening.
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We're still kind of in the midst of my treatment plan of both prevention and
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understanding what was happening in my body and why this happened.
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But a dysregulated brain, woof.
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A lot comes from that. And so I'm really on a mission now to help teach women
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how to regulate their bodies and how to feel safe in their mind and in their bodies.
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And that's where true rest comes from there, too. It's so interesting because
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as you were talking about how this kind of performance and checking all the
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boxes in your teenage years,
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I was taken back to when I was just starting college, when I was 18.
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I was working a full-time job at a coffee shop.
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I started college. I was volunteering full-time in the student center,
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and I was the community college legislative officer. And so I was also traveling to D.C.
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To lobby Congress and planning huge campaign events in the college.
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I was also on the Bush campaign.
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And then I was also a police explorer.
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We all have 24 hours in a day. Right. And I do remember I needed so much sleep
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every single day because I was so exhausted.
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But it was that early foundation of do more, be more to everybody that laid
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that foundation of what truly makes you significant and important in this world and in this life.
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And I truly believe us as women, we want to be significant. We want to matter.
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We want to be the Proverbs 31 woman. and own all the fields and do the business
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and be the perfect wife and provide for our family.
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And yet we feel like, I feel like we can be the Proverbs 31 woman.
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But the difference is where my strength comes from, because my strength was coming from me.
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And I've told my story so many times about how I met Jesus on the hallway floor when I was 37.
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So it took me two times as long from when I was in that place to when I truly
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met Jesus and surrendered and began that journey, because it's a journey on
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where does my strength come from?
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So tell me more about what you do, how you work with women, and how you use your expertise.
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Yeah, absolutely. I'm just a little taken back by your story there.
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So I'm going to take a little deep breath here for a second.
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I just love learning that about you. And it's just so true.
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Just the strength that he provides us. I see women in both a counseling and a coaching capacity.
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And a lot of the work that I do that relates to rest is just,
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again, re-instructing on proper regulation.
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So for instance, you think a threat, like you think your body doesn't know the
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difference between an emotional mental threat and a physical threat.
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And so a lot of the times this will happen in visualization.
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Diaphragmatic breathing.
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We spend time literally just coming back to a neutral space,
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a safe space psychologically, where we're telling the brain,
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we're giving the brain permission and saying, hey, we're good here. I'm okay here.
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I'm safe. I can pause.
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I get to. And then just really being able to name all of that to understand just environmentally.
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Just again, the pressures, just the performance mindset and being able to kind
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of just back off from that and not necessarily start over, but re-narrate how
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it can look for women that I'm working with.
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And to, gosh, this is a big piece of it, Christine, wipe away the shame and
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the guilt that comes with needing that.
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Again, something that is so innate and so necessary.
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It's like women that I meet with, they feel bad.
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Sometimes they feel bad about even needing to meet, right? Like,
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oh gosh, I have to prioritize this appointment and I should be doing this,
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this, and this, and this and asking for help.
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Like there's, I would say there's so much courage in asking for help.
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When I have a client come to me and they're asking for coaching,
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there's so much courage in that to say, this is what I need and I get to and
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I need to do something different.
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So I'm super honored for the work that I get to do, helping them to redefine
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what it can look like and knowing that it's okay.
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A lot of us in our 40s and 50s and 60s, we grew up in this time period where
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we got gold stars on our papers in school.
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We were in spelling bees. I don't know if you were in a spelling bee.
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Oh, yes. Yeah. I misspelled straight.
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And we were, it was all about performance. I remember when I was in fifth grade,
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I was voted the mayor of our elementary school. I love it.
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So this was deeply rooted, but it was also celebrated.
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And I remember, you know, what college you got into mattered,
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taking your SATs and your ACTs. The focus was, how much can you do? How much can you be?
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And none of that is rooted in the story of Christ. From a man who walked with
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sandals on his feet through the dirt, probably slept on the dirt,
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just to share the gospel.
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And yet we are so worried about the gold star on our paper. That's incredible.
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I just had a visualization there as you were explaining that too.
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And so that's something that I would encourage the listeners to think about.
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Just a lot of the times I will, the women that I'm working with,
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just imagine Jesus there resting next to you.
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Imagine his hand holding yours as you take a deep breath in and you hold it
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and you breathe slowly out. imagine him permissing you to rest.
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Imagine him there next to you, encouraging you, inviting you,
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this loving fatherly invitation for you to just sit down and rest next to him.
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And he also commanded it.
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Elijah rested against the tree, right?
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It was necessary. He was feeling lost and hopeless and the Lord said, right?
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So yeah, that visualization is pretty powerful there. Thank you for that.
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So what would you say to a woman who is, who does, just like you and I were at, feels like rest?
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Is weakness. I'd fact find there. I'd really cover that. I would really cover that lie.
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Name that that is a lie. Rest is not weak.
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Name that lie and cover it with truth.
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And then literally fact find there. Rest is necessary because I get to rest
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because rest helps me in this way. Like fill in the blanks, right?
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Rest looks like, rest allows me to. All of those, it's just really a mindset there.
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But I think also going back to kind of like you had talked about earlier,
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Christine, that where it started, like when did they first notice guilt associated with resting?
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Whether that was requiring extra sleep or whether that was asking for a break
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or whether that was asking for a timeout or whether that looked like play.
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I mean, play can be restful too. The art of play can be restful.
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But just noticing when that first started for them and then coming back from
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there and saying, okay, hey, no, that's actually not true.
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This is also really defining where Rush has shown up and where Rush has helped.
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Right? Where rest has been positive in their life. And imagine this,
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like you're talking, I always tell women, like, imagine that you're talking
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to your best friend or somebody that you love, somebody that you respect, admire, and trust.
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Like, would you shame them if they came to you and were like, hey, I'm tired.
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I really just need a break. Or, hey, I'm tired. I'm going to do this,
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but then I'm going to take an extra hour today to just be.
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I'm going to go move my body gently.
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I'm going to take a little bit more time maybe after my lunch.
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I'm going to sit down and pray and literally go to the well.
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You would never shame them for asking for rest.
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So why do we do it to ourselves, right? So I would just encourage other women
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to give themselves the same gentleness and the same grace that they so often
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are giving to everybody else in their home and in their workplace and in their environment.
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So one of the biggest things for me, and this is the cortisol coach
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podcast right so i want to take this back to cortisol because for
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me i struggled with all the symptoms of
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high cortisol levels and it was truly from living
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a life of chronic stress being everything that
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i've told you so far and so much more but a
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lot of it ties back to not resting and
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giving my body and my mind and my heart
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permission to just be and i
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couldn't lose weight No matter what I did and I remember having a conversation
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with somebody and she said you are too stressed out You are just too stressed
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out you your body is holding on to everything you eat to survive It's trying to protect you.
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So my body did such a beautiful job.
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Such a beautiful job and holding on to it because I was in survival mode.
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And then I would say, why am I losing my hair?
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Well, your hair is a non-essential piece. I feel like it's essential.
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But your body is holding on to making sure it can make your heartbeat,
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making sure your lungs work properly, making sure that it can keep your cortisol pumping.
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Absolutely. Because as you're in chronic stress, our cortisol was never designed
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to be flooding our body at the level that it is now.
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And cortisol is the main hormone that feeds all of our other hormones.
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So talk to me a little bit about the significance of rest as just it applies
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to cortisol for this woman.
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Yeah, absolutely. I mean, to be that dysregulated, to be in fight or flight
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constantly, to your point. We cannot go at that speed, full speed ahead all
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the time without there being a,
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some loss, some damage, if you will.
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And so, yes, I mean, our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made and they know what to do.
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And so it's like, no, I'm going to hold on to this. I've got to,
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I've got to protect myself.
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And so until we tell our brain, until we permissive, until we allow it to be
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safe, your body will continue to hold on to that.
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It will continue to be in dysregulation. And so that's where things like breathing,
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I mean, that alone, there's a physiological benefit to that, of course.
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Obviously, the mental and spiritual benefit is there, but that is part of managing
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that cortisol because what we're doing is we're releasing.
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We're saying, okay, we can let go. And it doesn't happen overnight.
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I mean, this is how we got here, right?
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The high cortisol, the dysregulation, the go, go, go, go, go,
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I have to. That didn't happen overnight either.
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And so this does take practice. It does take intentionality to say,
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I've got to flip the script.
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I have to allow myself to rest because if I don't, you know,
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you hear the word burnout everywhere, right?
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I mean, burnout, burnout, but that's what this is. That's how it's showing up
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on our bodies. It's just holding on to that core belly weight or,
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you know, the inflammation, the exhaustion that's coming out sideways.
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Those are things.
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The consequences of that burnout. And that burnout very often comes from us
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not being able to say no or us saying, yep, I can go an extra half an hour.
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Oh, you know what? I'm going to push through or I'm just going to be this,
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this, and this and not take a break. Again, it's not something that we have, I have to earn this.
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We should start in that mindset. Like rest should be the priority in the beginning
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of the day, in your middle of the day, in your end of the day.
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It is just as important as getting your water and your nutrition in. It is.
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You ask every client I work with, and I'm going to ask them about not just their
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sleep, but what their self-care looks like, where they're taking a pause in
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the middle of the day, when they last took a good deep breath in.
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What did their outside environment look like today? Could you tell me the colors?
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Could you tell me the smells? Could you tell me what you heard?
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That's all part of bringing that down, lowering in the cortisol and letting your body just.
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I love that you just shared that because it definitely is a process and it takes time.
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And what you just described is being present in the moment.
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And I remember last weekend I went to a work event and there's so much focus
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on post on your social medias, post everything as it's happening.
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And I made this conscious decision before going to the event that I was going to live in the moment.
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I was going to try and make time slow down so that I could experience everything
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that I possibly could. so I could remember the colors, so I could have the conversations.
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And this was a first for me, and I've been on this journey for so long.
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But I want to encourage anybody who's listening to this that you can take the trips with your kids.
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You can take the trip with your spouse, and you can say, you know what?
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I'm not going to document this at all until after, or maybe not at all.
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I'm going to live right now i'm gonna breathe in i love saying that like i just
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want to breathe in this moment and live fully because tomorrow is not promised
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absolutely isn't and that presence.
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I write about this a lot and i said it like and
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you've probably seen it on a piece of artwork or in a book or
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a quote but like right that's why they call
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the literal present a gift but if you imagine that again like untying that the
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gift of being present i guess gift of being mindful the gift of feeling the
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air in your lungs like that is part of the mental rest that we're describing
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today and when you are again what you're doing is you're flipping the script for your brain.
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You are regulating your body and you are entering into a literal,
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like in the moment, state of pause, which then leads to a state of rest. So you nailed it there.
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Yeah, absolutely. Be present.
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Well, and rest and being present is what gives your body permission to exhale.
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And when you do that, your body can begin to feel safe and it can begin to lower
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your cortisol from needing to flood your body so that you can stay in fight
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or flight or chronic stress.
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Your body is just trying to keep you safe and comfortable.
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It is just trying to do its best job. And so sometimes it's just one time today for five minutes.
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I'm going to live presently and I'm going to rest.
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And maybe if you're anything like me, it's giving yourself permission to take
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a nap if you're tired, to go to bed early.
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It's permission to say, you know what, I'm not going to make dinner tonight
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because I need to go to bed or I need to go take a shower, whatever it is that you need.
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So share with us, what is one step that the woman listening to this could do
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today to begin the process of stepping into rest, which leads to helping her cortisol levels?
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All the things but honestly sister just believing
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that you are worthy of it naming it
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just naming that you are worthy of the
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very rest that you were created to have and in that permission then inviting
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god to be present in that i think that's the first right step because then everything
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else comes from that so maybe get out a piece of pen a pen and a piece of paper
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here and and just commit to yourself this week,
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this week alone, this is one way that I am going to introduce rest into my life
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because yes, I believe that I'm worthy of receiving it.
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And so whether that is the na, whether that is the art of play,
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whether that is gently moving my body, whether that is diaphragmatic breathing,
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whether that is asking for help with a meal and preparing it,
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whether that is just literally stepping into the bathroom at work and taking
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three extra minutes and washing your hands and not rushing back to the office, it can be marginal.
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But just one thing, commit to one thing and then build from that.
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Ultimately, at the end of the day, you have to believe that you were worthy
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of it and that you were designed for it and that you get to.
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I love that. I'm just truly so thankful, so honored, and so blessed that you
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joined me today on this episode.
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I know I could have used you eight years ago. And so thank you for blessing
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our listeners today and sharing this.
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Please check the show notes so that you can find out how to connect personally with Carly.
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You can grab her free guide.
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And truly, I pray that as you listen to this, if you saw yourself in the striving,
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in the significance, in wanting to be all do more for everybody in your life,
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that you take one step today.
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You take one step in stepping into rest, ultimately helping your body regulate
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so that you can truly be everything that God created you to be.
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Because friend, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
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Friend, I am so thankful that you are here today. I pray this episode blessed you big time.
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And if it did, would you do me a favor and leave me a review on Apple Podcasts?
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It helps more women just like you find the show.
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And it may be the very reason that somebody else gets the answers that they
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need. I would also love to connect with you personally on Instagram.
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You can find me by searching cortisol underscore coach. That's where I show
25:43
up every single day. and send me a DM. I would love to connect with you. I'll see you next time.