Latest / Beautifully Complex / 295: Transforming Your Stream of Consciousness to Make Room for Joy in 2025

Transcript

295: Transforming Your Stream of Consciousness to Make Room for Joy in 2025 · Beautifully Complex

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: to my kid? Why does it have to be us
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: that is victim thinking that things happen to me and
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I have no control over them, and that keeps you
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: very stuck. And I don't want you to be stuck.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I want you to transform in the ways that I
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: did when I started working on my mindset. Welcome to
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: the Beautifully Complex podcast, where I share insights and strategies
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: on parenting neurodivergent kids straight from the trenches. I'm your host,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Penny Williams. I'm a parenting coach, author, and mindset mama,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: honored to guide you on the journey of raising your
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: atypical kid. Let's get started. Hello everybody, welcome back to
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Beautifully Complex Today. I want to get your New Year's
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: stuck on the right foot by talking about transforming your thinking,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: your stream of consciousness to make room for joy. This
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: is absolutely possible. That is the first thing I want
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: to tell you, because we so often think that it
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: isn't possible to sort of decipher our path, to create
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: our own path forward just by focusing on our thinking
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: and what we tell ourselves about the things that happen
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: to us, and that's really the crux of it. We
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: get to tell the story of the things that happen
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: to us that we are a part of, and we
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: tend to sort of go on autopilot and let the
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: story just tell itself, right, And what the neutrality of
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: circumstances has taught me is that everything that happens is neutral.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: It might feel like the emotion that we attached to it,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: the story that we attached to it is obvious, and
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: that's okay, that's totally doable. But you have a choice.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: You get to choose your thinking around a situation. And
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: this is so vitally important when we're talking about parenting
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: complex kids, because there's a lot of struggle, right, There's
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: struggle for every human being, but sometimes it feels like
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of extra struggle when you have a
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: complex kid. So you really have to show up more
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: mindfully for yourself and be more aware of your thoughts
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: and take control. Do it on purpose. I love that
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: quote from Dolly Parton, do it on purpose, be intentional,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: and that intentionality is going to help you create room
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: for joy. It is going to change your experience versus
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: just letting everything happen to you or around you, right
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: or letting your feelings completely on their own dictate your
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: thoughts and your actions. Yes, our emotions happen naturally, and
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: some things feel so outrageous that it feels like the
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: feelings and the story that we're telling ourselves about them
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: can only be one way. But the truth is every
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: circumstance is neutral, and anything that happens on its surface
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: is neutral. We decide how to feel about it, we
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: decide how to respond to it, but so often we
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: don't take control of that ability to make decisions. We
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: don't take control of it. We just send it on autopilot.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: And because we are wired to focus more on the negative,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: for the negative experiences and feelings to scream louder at us,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: because that is nature's way of protecting us, we have
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: to be very intentional about making sure that that doesn't
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: describe and cloud that story that is ours to tell.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: So I want to talk to you a little bit
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: about how to manage your thinking, because it isn't easy.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I started this journey of trying to figure out how
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: to be happy, really is what I thought I was
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: doing back probably eight years ago or so. I was
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: just so tired of being a victim. I had a
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: very victim mindset. I didn't realize at the time. I
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: always thought for forty two years of my life that
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: happiness just wasn't in my circumstances. I didn't have the
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: life circumstances, I didn't have the genetic circumstances, I didn't
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: have the financial circum stances to just be happy, which
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: isn't at all true, but that's what I thought. And
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I thought, you know, when people talked about well, you know,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: control your thinking, manage your thoughts, like that's hippie dippy nonsense.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: I did not believe in the power of it. But
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: at some point I woke up and said, I cannot
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: continue to eat, breathe, sleep, ADHD challenges, struggles. It just
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: was too much of the hard stuff. And so what
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I did was I googled happiness studies. That's where I started.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Happiness studies. What do they tell us? What does the
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: science say about being happy? And I can't really tell
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: you much of that, honestly, because somehow it quickly led
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: me to learning about the either victim mindset or survivor mindset.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: In psychology, you can either have a survivor mindset or
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: a victim mindset, And I realized very quickly I was
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: one hundred percent victim. Camp had a total victim mindset.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: to my kid? Why does it have to be us?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: That is victim? Thinking that things happen to me and
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I have no control over them, and that keeps you
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: very stuck. And I don't want you to be stuck.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: I want you to transform in the ways that I did.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: When I started working on my mindset and again, that
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: neutrality of circumstances was one of the first pieces that
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like, really,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: things are neutral, And I didn't quite believe it at first,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: as you may not be believing it as you're listening
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: to me say it right now. But even things that
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: are horrific made someone happy. Even things we think are
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: terrible made someone feel good. You can even think about murder, murder?
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: How could we think that's neutral? Right? How is that okay?
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: The truth is for the person who committed that murder,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: they got something out of it. It benefited them in
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: some way. It was a short term relief. It was
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: meeting some sort of you know, inappropriate psychotic need, whatever,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: It was not a negative for them necessarily. That shows
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: that circumstances are in fact neutral, and so from that
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: neutrality we realize that we do have more control than
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: we think we do. So I want you to take
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: a second rate now and ask yourself what is controlling
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: your thinking? What are the key factors that drive how
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: you think about different things that are happening, or different
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: circumstances that you have. Is it fear or hope, compassion,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: or your inner compass, judgment of other people, or your
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: own values and boundaries, maybe shame and blame, or grace
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: and forgiveness. Are these things that you can influence or control?
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: The answer is yes. Each one of those had a
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: negative fear, comparison, judgment, blame and shame, but on the
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: flip side, they had a positive hope, your inner compass,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: your own values and boundaries, grace and forgiveness. But you
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: can influence all of that. You can take control of
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: that narrative. I love this quote from Brene Brown. She says,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: what we don't need in the midst of a struggle
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: is shame for being human. I hear some aimens happening.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: We do not need shame from other people or from ourselves.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: If you're shaming and blaming yourself, you are robbing yourself
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: of energy that could be better used, that could serve
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: you instead of make you feel worse. Your thoughts shape
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: your entire experience. So if we remember that circumstances are neutral,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: our thoughts about those circumstances is what creates meaning. Our thoughts,
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: our thoughts about the circumstances is what creates meaning. So
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: the stories that we tell ourselves, they determine the emotions,
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: the feelings that we're going to attach to that event
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: or circumstance, and that then determines our level of suffering.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: We don't have to suffer as much as we do.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: We tend to expand our own suffering, and we just
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: don't have to do that. Think too, about the fact
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: that we all experience the same environments and events differently.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: So in that neutrality of circumstances, you might feel like
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: something was super negative and awful, and somebody else might
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: think that that was a good thing. It is possible,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: and it does happen, and it's also true in our parenting.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: The way we want to parent our kids we know
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: is the best way to parent them. Right, if we
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: have learned what we need to do and how we
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: need to show up for our kids and really grew
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: to understand them, somebody else might think that we're doing
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: it all wrong. Right, because we have different beliefs around parenting,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: we also experience the same environments differently. We know this
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: is very true for our complex kids, but is actually
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: true for all humans. You might feel good about something
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: that others feel bad about, right, it doesn't matter how
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: the other people feel about it. That's right. It does
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: not matter how the other people feel about it. It
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: matters how you choose how you choose to feel about it.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: So let's look at an example. Imagine that your child
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: has this intense meltdown. We've all been there. You're at
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: the grocery store and they are screaming, crying, kicking, throwing things,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: whatever it might be. People are coming around the corners
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: of the aisles staring at you such judgment and blame
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: on their faces. Right in that circumstance, it's actually neutral, folks.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: That is a neutral circumstance. What creates the stress or
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: the frustration and is the story that we attach to
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: that circumstance. The thoughts that follow could be everyone's judging me,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: I can't handle this, he shouldn't be acting like this.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: But those thoughts turn a neutral event into something that
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: is emotionally charged. So if you see the meltdown as
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: simply a challenge to navigate without layering those thoughts, those
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: negative thoughts, those big emotions, on top of what is happening,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: then you can respond with more common clarity instead of
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: spiraling into overwhelm. Instead, you could think, my kid is
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: having a hard time. It's not giving me a hard time.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: He's having a hard time, and this really sucks right now,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: it really sucks. It is not fun whatsoever. But I
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: can hand I can handle it. That allows space for
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: problem solving, It allows space for resilience. It is good stuff, y'all.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: When you recognize that it's not the situation, but it's
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: your interpretation of the situation, your thoughts that you're attaching,
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: that's what creates the emotional strain, then you gain the
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: power to shift your mindset and you reduce the intensity
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: of your own reactions. That's going to lead to greater
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: emotional wellness. It's going to lead to more moments of
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: joy because it will make room for positive things, for
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: joyful things that you haven't had because you've allowed all
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: the negative to take up all the space and all
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: the energy and all the air. So how do we
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: manage our thinking? That is a big question, and I
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: get asked this question so often. One it's a practice.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: It is something that you will have to keep trying,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: keep building your awareness and your mindfulness, and keep coming
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: back to Okay, what am I thinking? What is the
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: story I want to tell about this? How do I
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: want to handle this and lean into it with intention
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: and purpose? So some thought management tools, One is that
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: awareness I was just telling you about. Start by just
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: doing the noticing. You know that I am a huge
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: fan of teeny tiny steps, especially starting out give yourself
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: or your kid something that is absolutely one hundred percent
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: going to be successful. So just start by noticing the
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: thoughts that you're having. Ask yourself, what am I thinking?
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Right now? Take a breath, even a big belly breath,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: to give yourself that time to really notice what you're thinking.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: When you recognize unhelpful thoughts, that is the first step
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: towards being able to change those thoughts. Right, I can't
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: change my thinking if I'm not even paying attention to it,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I have to pay attention to it. First. Second, we
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: need to reframe our thinking. We talk about this in
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: the realm of our kids' behavior. We reframe the behavior. Basically,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: what we're doing is we're reframing the thoughts and stories
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: that we attach to the behavior. We need to do
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: that for everything. Challenge negative thoughts by asking yourself, is
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: this true? Can I see it any differently? Can I
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: feel any differently about it? It's okay if the answer
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: to that has no. Sometimes, but a lot of time
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: the answer is going to be yes. Reframing helps you
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: shift from that negative to a more empowering perspective. Okay.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Number three gratitude practice. I know everybody's talking about gratitude.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: It's the buzzword. It's the buzz thing. You know why,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: because it works. It works, folks. It helps you to
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: gain control of your thinking because it is helping you
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: to focus on the positive. It is giving you an
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: exercise that is helping you to focus on the positive
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: things that happen. And again, the negative is going to
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: take over. It is going to grow and get bigger
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: because that's the way we're wired. So we have to
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: practice focusing on that positive stuff that is getting outshined
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: by the negative. So when you're overwhelmed and things are
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: really hard, I want you to consciously focus on one
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: thing that has gone right, one thing, and it can
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: be the tiniest of things. I only ask my kid
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: to brush his teeth nine times today instead of ten.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: That's a positive, that's a move in the right direction. Right,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: it can be tiny. Because some days are just super hard,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: there's always something that you can find and remind yourself
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: has been positive, and that shifts your mind toward positivity
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: and resilience, because of course we need to be resilient.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: We want to be resilient, and we want to raise
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: resilient kids, and honestly, you cannot raise a resilient kid
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: if you are not resilient yourself. Next, I want to
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: talk to you about how to notice, challenge and shift
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: those unhelpth full thoughts. So we just talked about three
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: things that kind of get you started in being in
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: control of your thinking. Now we're going to get to
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: the meat of it. How do we actually make change.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: So first is that noticing as we talked about, you're
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: paying attention to your thoughts specifically, when you feel stressed,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: you feel overwhelmed, You're going to ask yourself what is
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: running through my mind right now? That awareness is the
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: first step, but build that awareness practice into when things
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: get hard. Next is the challenge. And it's not the challenge,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: the struggle that's in front of you and is challenging
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: yourself and your thinking and the story you are attaching
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: to that struggle. So question the truth and usefulness of
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: your thoughts. Ask yourself, is this really true? Is this reality?
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Or is this another There another way to look at
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: this and challenge the story you're telling yourself. We've already
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: talked about that a little bit. That's a good reminder.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: And then lastly, the shift. This is where the rubber
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: meets the road. Replace those unhelpful thoughts with more empowering thoughts.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Shift I'm failing my kid to I'm learning how to
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: be the parent they need and that is progress. Or
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: you can shift d's on a report card are wholly
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: unacceptable to my kid is struggling and I need to
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: figure out how I can help them. I'm going to
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: help them. Big shifts, little shifts, they all make a
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: huge difference. So let's talk just for a minute about
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: emotional resilience too, because with this focus on your thoughts,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: focus seeing on being more intentional, more purposeful, more in control,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: can be boosted by emotional resilience. When you know that
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: you can do hard things, you can feel hard things,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: You're going to get past it, you will get to
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: a better place again. That is emotional resilience, and that
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: certainty and confidence can help you in controlling your thinking,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: taking ownership of that story and the messages and the
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: meanings that you attached to that story. Another great Brenet
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Brown quote is that grace means that all of your
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame. Shame
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: does not serve us. Giving ourselves grace seeing that mistakes happen,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: and that means we're just human, that serves us. That
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: gives us the ability to learn from it and to
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: move forward. So self compassion, treating yourself with the same
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: understanding and kindness you'd offer a friend. How would you
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: speak to your friend? How would you think about what
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: is going on with your friend? You owe yourself that
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: same compassion, grace, empathy, understanding. You matter just as much
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: as that person matters. You're worthy just as much as
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: your friend is worthy, give yourself self compassion. If you
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: can't do that, you are not going to be in
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: a place to really take control of your thinking and
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: your path and getting to that place that is serving
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: you and serving your family better. You know, when when
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I was in that victim mindset, my family members would
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: avoid me. My husband would come in from war and
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: bline right past. We had not even say a word.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Nobody wanted to come to the dinner table because all
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I was going to talk about was the struggle and
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: what I learned and what we need to do, and
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: just all of the heavy stuff. And it was weighing
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: down my whole family. And when I started shifting to
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: a survivor mindset, to taking control instead of just feeling
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: like everything was happening to me, my whole family just
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: let out this big sigh of relief. You felt it
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: every single day, and it changed the mindset of everyone
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: in the household, and things got a lot better. We
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: were able to make room for joy. They were sometimes
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: very small moments, but we could have them and notice
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: them because I was working on doing that. So I
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: want to give you a few techniques to build your
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: emotional resilience before we close. One is pause and breathe.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: This is like one of my favorite first steps for
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: just about anything that's happening. Just take a big, deep,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: empathetic belly breath. Whether you're with your kid, by yourself,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: with somebody else, this gives you one some regulation because
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: deep breathing provides regulation to our nervous system. It gives
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: you a moment to be purposeful about your thinking and
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: be purposeful about the ways that you respond or act.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: It creates space for a thoughtful response. Second, label your emotions.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Let's acknowledge how you're feeling. We don't want to avoid it,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: we don't want to stuf it down. None of that
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: will serve you at all. You need to acknowledge what
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you're feeling, good, bad, ugly, all of it and name
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: it because when you you're actually reducing the intensity, it
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: gets bigger and bigger and bigger. When you avoid it,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: what you resist will persist. Right sometimes what you resist
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: will also grow. There's a saying, I don't know who
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: to attribute it to you right now, but what you
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: water grows absolutely, and that is really important. I want
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: you to also make time for self compassion breaks. Sometimes
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: we call this self care. But people think self care
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: needs to be a whole day or a whole week,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: or a trip to the spot, and that is not true.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Self compassion is self care. You can remind yourself that
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: it is okay to struggle. Being a human being means
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: you are going to have some struggle. Talk kindly to yourself.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: That little voice inside needs to be as kind to
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: you as it is to anyone else. Talk to yourself
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: like you would talk to your most cherished friend. The
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: fourth technique for building emotional resilience is to focus on
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: the present. Take a second to get grounded. Plant your
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: feet on the floor, put your hands over your chest,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: have something in your hands. Like my son in third
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: grade at the school he went to. For a very
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: short time, they sat down on the floor, they noticed
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: how their butts felt on the floor, and they had
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: smooth river rock in their hand, and they would notice
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: and rub that rock, notice how it felt. That's grounding
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: that helps you to stay in the moment rather than
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: spiraling into what ifs or past regrets or future casting
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: being super worried about the future. Those grounding exercises like
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: focusing on your senses can also help I see five
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: things that are green. I see three things that smell
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: good whatever it is right, or I smell three things,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: I taste, two things, I feel one thing. Touch. Are
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: great exercises. We often attribute them to working for people
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: in anxiety, but that is a grounding exercise. That's why
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: it works for anxiety. Number five cognitive reframing. Challenge that
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: negative thought by asking yourself, what is another way that
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I can look at this? Shifting the perspective can help
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: you to reduce your emotional overload. What happens? How do
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: we get to overload? We keep piling things on, right,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: and when we're piling on the emotions that we haven't
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: dealt with, we're going to get to overload. We're going
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: to get to overwhelm and burn out, and we don't
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: want that. It doesn't serve us or anyone else. Our
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: sixth and last technique to build emotional resilience is get support. People.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: Get support a loved one, a family member, a friend,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: an organization in your town. Find someone. It can also
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: be professional support, a therapist, a counselor a parenting group.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Just find some place that you can share what you
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: are going through. You will feel less alone and it
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: will also lighten that emotional load. I've given you a
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: lot to focus on here, but I just want to
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: break it down to the really simple where to start
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: for you, and that is to start by learning about
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: the neutrality of circumstances and accepting believing in the neutrality
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: of circumstances, believing that you can control your thinking and
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: that that can change your path and your journey. Start
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: with that and then build from there. But I promise you,
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: if I the one who thought for forty two years
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: didn't have what was needed to be happy, that wasn't
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: in my fate and I could adopt this and benefit
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: lately from it, it changed my life completely, then I
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: know that you can do it too. The show notes
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: for this episode will be at Parenting ADHD and Autism
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: dot com Slash two nine to five for episode two
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: hundred and ninety five, and I will see you in
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: the next episode. Please take good care. Thanks for joining
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: me on the Beautifully Complex podcast. If you enjoyed this episode,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: please subscribe and share, and don't forget to check out
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: my online courses and parent coaching at PARENTINGADHD and Autism
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: dot com and at the Behavior Revolution dot com.