Latest / Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast / It All Begins with God

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It All Begins with God · Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast

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Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
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I would guarantee today that each of you listening
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to my voice, if you have a problem in your world,
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it's probably with another person. You know,
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relationships are the greatest and the worst
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things in life. And when they're not working,
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nothing else seems to matter. If you're struggling
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in a relationship, there's something foundational
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that every good relationship is built on. And
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that's what we're going to learn today. You don't
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want to miss it. Welcome to Living on the Edge
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with Chip Ingram. Have you ever walked away from
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a conversation with your spouse wondering how
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something so small turned into something so big?
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Or found yourself completely baffled by why your
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teenager does what they do? In our series, Caring
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Enough to Connect, Building Bridges to Those
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We Love, Chip is teaching some of the most practical,
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life -tested principles on what builds good relationships.
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Not theories from a textbook, but truths he's
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learned the hard way over more than three decades
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of marriage, parenting, pastoring, and counseling
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people just like you and me. Today, Chip lays
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the foundation for everything else coming up
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in this series. Because before you can talk about
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communication or conflict or forgiveness or trust,
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there's a deeper question that has to be answered
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first. Where do you actually go to learn how
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relationships are supposed to work in the first
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place? Chip is convinced there's only one place
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to start. And once you see it, he says you'll
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never approach a relationship the same way again.
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So let's get started with today's message titled,
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It All Begins With God. I have a strong sense
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that as I talk with people and what's going on,
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that we need to give people some very practical
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ways in terms of relationships. And so these
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are the things that have most impacted me. These
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have been the principles that have helped me
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build relationships with friends. And over years,
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I came from a dysfunctional family. My wife did,
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and probably all of you did too. It's just how
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much, right? It's fallen world. But both of our
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dads were alcoholics. And if you know anything
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about how all that works, it creates systems
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that are pretty unhealthy. And so Teresa and
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I have had to work very hard at getting our mind
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renewed and saying, God, we have deep imprints
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about how families work. And what we actually
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know is how they don't work. And we need to learn
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your way. And so that's been a lifelong journey.
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So what I'm going to share, I'm not going to
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say is any way from Mount Sinai. I'll give you
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the biblical principles. But what I will say
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is these have been the most important principles
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that have helped me build friendships where it's
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heart to heart. You're connected. They're honest
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and it's real. And by God's grace, have four
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kids that grew up and love God and still like
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to be around us. And as parents, you know, that's
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sort of what you dream about and you kind of
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wonder sometimes if that'll ever happen. And
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so principle number one may sound so simple,
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but maybe it's from my background, is principle
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number one, it all begins with God. It all begins
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with God. There are lots of voices that will
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tell you how to do relationships. I mean, you
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can turn on the TV and there's a zillion talk
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shows and amazing interviews. You came from a
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family background. Some of you came from amazing
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Christian homes. Some of you, like me, didn't
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come to Christ until you were an adult. You know,
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every movie that you have seen unconsciously
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has told you this is how to be a parent. This
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is how to attract the opposite sex. So you've
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got books. You've got movies. And then now, I
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mean, if you have a question about anything,
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right, what do you do? Google. I mean, you can
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Google anything, you know, so you just get on
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there and you Google, and oh, this is what you
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do, and the experts, and guess what I'd say is
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the most important principle in my life has been
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it all begins with God. God has lots of truth
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through lots of experts. I'm glad for all the
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disciplines of social research and psychology
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and people's experiences and great talk show
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hosts, but I got a news for you. God created
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me, God created you, and God created relationships.
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Would you jot down and then turn in your Bibles
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to Proverbs chapter nine, verse 10, just one
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verse. Proverbs nine, verse 10 says, the fear
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of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the
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knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. You
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need to understand in Hebrew literature, the
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word, Wisdom is not intellectual capacity. A
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better actual fundamental word for us would be
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skill. When the temple was being built, it says
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God gave them the skill or the wisdom to build
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the temple, to have the ideas, to have the skill.
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The Hebrew concept of wisdom is this. It's understanding
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how God designed life. and then cooperating,
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having the skill to follow it his way. So the
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fear of the Lord, a reverence for God, the idea
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that God has spoken about relationships and you
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so revere and are honestly afraid to do it any
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other way, knowing he's good and he loves you.
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But the fear of the Lord, God, I mean, I appreciate,
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I bet Oprah has some really great ideas. I'm
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sure there's some good stuff on the internet.
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I'm sure that multi -billion dollar self -help
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industry will have a few keys. I know there's
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good counselors that have good things. But my
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authority, I'm going to begin, the fear of the
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Lord is, I want to know your wisdom. I want your
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skill to know how to have great friendships and
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a great family. I want to hear from you and your,
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the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
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In other words, the authority I'm going to submit
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to, I'm going to learn from. And so for me at
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18, I realized I was introduced to the Bible
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of which I'd never read. And I decided this is
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going to be the basis for how I'm going to do
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relationships. Now it took me two or three years
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as a Christian, trying it my own way and having
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some not good results. to realize that God has
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wisdom and knowledge for me, skill to do relationships
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his way. And God gives wisdom, but here's what
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you gotta understand. He doesn't give wisdom
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for you kind of to check in on, you know, like.
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Lord, I would kind of like to know what to do
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as a parent or Lord, I'd really like to know
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as a single person how to relate to the opposite
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sex or Lord, I'd really like to know what you
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want me to do in this special situation with
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one of my kids so that I can compare that with
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all the other things and then kind of decide
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what I want to do. He doesn't work that way.
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The idea of the fear of the Lord is God says,
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if you will seek me and my word and if you will
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do, if you commit to do whatever I tell you in
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advance, 100 % of the time, I'll show you what
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to do in every circumstance. You might jot in
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the corner of your notes there since you're making
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your own. James 1, verse 5. If any man lacks
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wisdom, and this is Jesus' brother, James. This
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is the very first book written in the New Testament,
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so it has a very strong Hebrew tint to it. If
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any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who
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gives to all men generously and without reproach.
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But let him ask in faith without any doubting.
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For the one who comes in doubt, and the idea
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of doubt here is not questioning God's existence.
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The one who comes, it's the word, the one who
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comes with a double mind. The one who comes schizophrenically,
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literally, saying, God, I really want to know
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what you want me to do so that I can decide if
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I want to do it or not. Let not that man or let
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not that woman expect anything from the Lord.
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So the very first principle for me that is so
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basic is God. I want you to know, and here's
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the practice, is that I want you to know I'm
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going to make your word my handbook for relational
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guidelines. I appreciate my family background
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and they had some good ideas. I'm sure there's
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movies that maybe are going to give me a great
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idea about how to do relationships. I thank you
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for all the books and the Barnes and Nobles and
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Amazon .coms and all the resources everywhere.
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But I'm going to filter everything I ever read
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through your spirit giving me clear direction
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from your word. And so for me, the most fundamental
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principle was it all begins with God. And so
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the practice was to systematically study what
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does God say about relationships? See, if you
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want to do relationships God's way, and by the
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way, imagine if you will, the way God has it
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planned is he loves you, he's good, he's died
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for you, he cares for you. I know the plans that
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I have for you, declares the Lord. He has a wonderful
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plan for your life. And so as a loving, caring
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father, he says, look, I made you, I made marriage,
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I made parenting, I made singleness. The road
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that you follow is like a winding road and I've
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put guardrails, commands and warnings. And if
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you will follow this road that I've given you,
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you're going to end up on the top of this mountain
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in a beautiful chalet with the people that you
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love, with relationships intact. But when I say
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turn left, you need to turn left. And when I
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say turn right, you need to turn right. And when
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I say slow up, you need to slow up. When I say
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speed up. You see, you need to do relationships
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my way. And I've given you direction from my
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word. I've placed my spirit in you to nudge you
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where my word isn't clear on things. And I've
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put my spirit in the community of other believers
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to give you wise counsel and to model and to
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mentor. And so most of what I've learned has
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been from the scriptures and from good models
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and good mentors about just wanting to do relationships
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God's way. Now, what do you do, however, if...
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you don't know much about what God has said.
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I was a long story and I won't go into it now,
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but I had the privilege of adopting my first
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two kids. And so I'm married like maybe about
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a year and I have two five -year -olds. And I
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don't have a clue about how to be a dad. My dad
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was a good moral man, a strong ex -Marine. I
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learned discipline. But I didn't know how to
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be a biblical dad. And I don't know about you,
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but all that schooling that you have to have,
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I never liked writing the theses. I had to write
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one for West Virginia University and one for
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Dallas Seminary. And I just thought, boy, the
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last thing I want to do is do a zillion hours
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of research on some topic about some Greek word
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of ancient civilization. That sounds boring.
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So I decided I would take advantage of this opportunity.
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And so I wrote my thesis on the role and responsibility
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of fathers in transmitting values in the family.
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And I didn't do it for them. I thought to myself,
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I don't know how to be a dad. But if you got
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to write a thesis. And so what I did is I looked
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up every verse in the Old Testament and the New
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Testament. on fathering and parenting. And I
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categorized every single passage. And then from
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my psych background, I did empirical research
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about fathers and sociology and psychology to
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find out, you know, why people became juvenile
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delinquents. And I took all the Bible said and
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all the sociological research and I put it together
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and I came out with some basic principles about
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what makes fathers effective in transmitting
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values in the family. But that started me on
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a journey of saying, if you want to know something,
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intensively study. And so, you know, some of
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you are saying, you know, I'd like to have a
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better marriage. Do you know God's wisdom on
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marriage? Not what someone else says, not just
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something here or there. Have you ever studied
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specifically what God says? Now, is that pen
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still hot and fiery and the ink ready to roll?
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I want to give you, by way of application, specific
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passages to get you going if you're going to
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make God's word. Your handbook for relational
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guidelines. If you're a single person, let me
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ask, jot down 1 Corinthians chapter 7. It's the
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most definitive passage about actually what you'll
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find out is everyone thinks being single is bad.
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The Bible's going to say actually single is pretty
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cool. And instead of being incomplete and you
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don't have anything to offer, you have some great
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advantages. If you're a married person, let me
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suggest Ephesians chapter 5. The second half
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of that chapter will tell you. I'm a man, I need
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to do this. I'm a woman, I need to do this. Here's
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my role, here's my responsibility. If you're
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a parent, the two key passages would be Deuteronomy
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6 and Ephesians 6. So I'm a single person, I'm
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gonna start studying. There's a lot more, but
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1 Corinthians 7. If I'm married, I'm gonna look
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at Ephesians 5. You know, if I'm a parent, I'm
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gonna look at the first part of Ephesians 6 and
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Deuteronomy chapter 6. And then if I'm unequally
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yoked, what if I'm married to someone that either
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is an unbeliever, Or, you know, they said they're
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a believer, but they have no interest in the
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things of God. Well, what do I do? How do I relate?
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God, give me wisdom about this relationship.
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1 Peter 3. Jot that down. Well, Chip, you know,
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that sounds really neat and that's really wonderful,
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but I'm divorced. Does God say anything? What
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can I learn about the wisdom? If it all begins
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with God, how can God show me and lead me if
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I'm divorced? Matthew 5. Matthew 19. in 1 Corinthians
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chapter seven. He'll give you the clearest explanation
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of where you are, what to do, how to handle it,
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how to respond. And for some of you, the relational
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issues aren't so much family. Maybe it comes
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from great homes and you've had good models,
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good mentors. Anybody have any struggles in the
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business world on relationships? You know, what
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do you do? When should you take a loan? When
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not to take a loan? Who should you hire? How
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do you deal with employees? How you deal with
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bosses? If you want good quality business relationships,
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just jot down the book of Proverbs. Multiple,
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multiple times. You know, the book of Proverbs
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is about wisdom. And so many times, this sounds
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kind of crazy, I've taken multicolored pens and
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I read through the book of Proverbs and like
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in pink or red, anything to do with like family
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relationships, I underline. And then I categorize
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them all and I begin to look at that. Anything
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to do with money, I underline it all in green.
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Get it? Green money. See what I'm saying? You
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know, and then you take all those and you begin
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to categorize them and say, what does wisdom
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say about money? And then pretty soon what you
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find is you begin simply to say, God, my heart
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is I want to do relationships your way. You have
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given me wisdom. And here's what I can tell you.
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It's not simply the content. You understand what
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I'm saying here? It's not simply that you get
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all that down and you study it. It's the process
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of studying it and discovering it. It's you saying
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with a yearning heart, I'm seeking you about
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this. You can listen to 5 ,000 people that know
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lots about marriage, but it's amazing. You might
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study Ephesians 5 for yourself and read a verse
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and the Spirit of God takes that verse. encodes
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it in your heart, and then a little click occurs
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and you begin to respond to God and He gives
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you power in a fresh new way that makes a radical
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change in your relationships. And so it may sound
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overly simple, but I've just decided that the
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most important thing I've learned about all relationships
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is the principle, it all begins with God. You're
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listening to Living on the Edge with a message
15:30
titled, It All Begins with God. continuing our
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current series, Caring Enough to Connect, Building
15:37
Bridges to Those We Love. This study came out
15:40
of Chip's desire to share what he's learned from
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scripture and personal circumstances about how
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life works and how it's possible, with God's
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help, to build really great relationships. He
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talks about our hopes, our insecurities, and
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our frustrations, all in the context of relationships.
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Now, this may be a series you want to listen
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to again or send to a friend. So let me remind
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you the place to go for all of Chip's teachings
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and resources is over on our website, livingontheedge
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.org. Well, Chip, would you take a minute here
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and give us a little more on the whys and the
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wherefores behind this study and why it's especially
16:18
relevant today? Well, it was an interesting situation
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after, you know, I've been a believer quite a
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few years, a husband, father, pastor. And I got
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talking with some people and they just said,
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what are the biggest things you've learned about
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relationships? Not teaching through, you know,
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a book of the Bible or, but I mean, what have
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you just practically learned? And I thought about
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it. I came from a really a loving home. But it
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was a dysfunctional alcoholic home. And so I
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learned a lot about how not to do relationships.
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I learned how, you know, to avoid conflict at
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all costs or to please people. Or I learned to
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fear speaking the truth in love or that the goal
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was to make everyone happy. And there were certain
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things we all knew were wrong, but you never,
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never brought those up. And after I came to know
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the Lord, all those things surfaced in my marriage
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and relationship. relationships. But as I got
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into God's word, as I studied the scriptures,
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as God brought good teaching into my life, as
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I had mentors, and then honestly going to marriage
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counseling early in our marriage, a number of
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things like, oh, wow, I've like been totally
17:29
messed up on relationships. And I've been working
17:32
on these for about 35 or 40 years. And so I put
17:35
them in the form of super practical principles
17:39
that I just have to tell you have revolutionized
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my life, my family, and I think a lot of the
17:46
people around me. And so what we wanted to do
17:48
at Living on the Edge was kind of lean back and
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yes, by and large, we're always going to teach
17:53
right through books of the Bible or scripture,
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but we're going to take a number of key principles
17:58
that I think if people latch onto these. it will
18:03
really help them. And each time you listen to
18:06
a message, there'll be something very specific
18:09
to apply. And then I think you'll see God works.
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And that's our goal. You know, loving God and
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loving others is the great commandment. And that's
18:17
all about relationships. We want to help people
18:19
do them and do them well. Thank you, Chip. Well,
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that kind of honesty is so rare, isn't it? And
18:26
it's exactly why so many people trust what Chip
18:28
teaches. He's never asking you to do anything
18:31
he hasn't already wrestled through himself, in
18:34
his own marriage and his own family. And if you
18:37
want more encouragement throughout the week,
18:38
you'll want to follow Living on the Edge on Facebook
18:41
and Instagram. Just search Living on the Edge
18:44
with Chip Ingram. And to catch this whole series
18:47
on your own schedule, be sure to subscribe to
18:50
the Living on the Edge podcast wherever you listen.
18:53
Now, if today's teaching hit home, if you're
18:56
realizing just how much you absorbed about relationships
18:58
without ever choosing it, we encourage you to
19:01
take the next step with Aaron Pierce's book titled
19:04
Not Beyond Reach. It's not a general book about
19:07
relationships. It's written specifically for
19:10
the relationship that feels the hardest right
19:12
now. The son or daughter who's stopped believing,
19:15
the grandchild who thinks truth is fluid, or
19:18
the friend who embraces culture that goes against
19:21
God's word. Aaron walks you step -by -step from
19:24
friendship to real spiritual conversation to
19:27
the gospel itself. You can get your copy of Not
19:30
Beyond Reach for a special price today at livingontheedge
19:34
.org. For more than three decades, this ministry
19:39
has existed for one simple reason, to help Christians
19:42
truly live like Christians, by working every
19:46
week to build and deepen our relationship with
19:48
God. The impact of that kind of teaching reaches
19:51
homes in ways you don't always get to see. A
19:54
marriage that gets a second chance. A friendship
19:56
rebuilt after years of silence. And friend, none
20:00
of that happens without listeners like you standing
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behind it. Your gift today keeps Living on the
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Join us as a monthly partner or make a one -time
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livingontheedge .org. Or call our team and give
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send your gift by mail, just write to us at Living
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on the Edge, P .O. Box 3007, Sewanee, Georgia
20:38
30024. Well, now here's Chip Ingram with some
20:42
final thoughts to share with us. As we close
20:45
today's program, we covered a lot of material
20:48
and very, very important material. So let's pause
20:51
for a moment. I want you to lean back if you're
20:54
on the treadmill or driving in the car. Number
20:57
one, I want you to remember what I read out of
20:59
Proverbs 9. The fear of the Lord is the beginning
21:03
of wisdom. In other words, God has a way. He
21:07
has a way for all of life to work, and he has
21:10
a way for relationships to work. But it begins
21:13
with a genuine, clear, accurate knowledge of
21:17
him. And so one of the things you need to kind
21:21
of think about today is, How am I doing relationships?
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And am I willing in my heart of hearts to say,
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you know, if God designed me, if he made people,
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if there is a way that make relationships work,
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am I willing to follow that? Because if you're
21:36
not, what I can tell you is, you know, you're
21:38
just going to keep repeating the same kind of
21:41
things with different people. The names change.
21:43
There's conflict. And at the heart of all that.
21:46
is what we don't realize is that the way God
21:49
wants relationships to work, where your interaction
21:52
is built on respect and kindness and patience
21:56
and truthfulness and faithfulness, and where
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you're willing to sacrifice and where there's
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genuine generosity, the fact of the matter is
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God wants us to treat other people the way we
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want to be treated. We can't do that in our own
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power. And so that's why the title of this, It
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All Begins With God, I wasn't trying to be funny.
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I wasn't trying to be cute. What I want you to
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know, you want a great marriage? You want a great
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friendship? You want to have that connection
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with your kids where they grow up and you're
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really friends and they respect you? I'm just
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telling you, you can either do it your way and
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through pop psychology and try hard and blame
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and manipulate and shift and struggle. Or you
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can say, there's been a manual written by the
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creator of relationships and he wants to teach
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me. I need to get into his word. I need to be
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around people that are committed to these kind
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of relationships. Are you ready for this? I need
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to go to a local church that teaches his word.
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I need to have friendships and I need to be in
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a small group with real community where I can
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learn because you left yourself and me left to
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myself. I'll be patient on my terms. I'll think
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I'm generous when I'm doing it for ulterior motives.
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It all begins with God. And as you begin to experience
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the way he relates to you and out of his word
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and the community of God's people, I am telling
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you. You can revolutionize your relationships.
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But it starts with honestly saying, I'm going
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to commit my way to live my life and do relationships
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His way. And you know what? We all need to learn
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how to do that. And so let me just pause. This
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is big. Father, I pray right now, every person
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hearing my voice, would you bring to mind the
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relationship that matters most to them? And would
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you give them grace? Grace to begin to think
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how to give instead of take. Lord, how to receive
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rather than blame. And Lord, how to begin to
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be a follower of Jesus that says, Lord, teach
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me to do relationships your way. And I ask this
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in Jesus' name. Amen. I'm your host, Dave Drewy.
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Next time, Chip goes all the way back to the
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Garden of Eden to reveal the one thing every
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single person on earth has in common. So be sure
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to listen then on the next edition of Living
24:28
on the Edge. Today's program is produced and
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sponsored by Living on the Edge.