Latest / DA CREW Podcast / Let the Healing Begin....STOP TAKING BAGGAE INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS!.....

Transcript

Let the Healing Begin....STOP TAKING BAGGAE INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS!..... · DA CREW Podcast

0:01
Speaker 1: God bore us Kee, shut off the resow. We ve
0:21
Speaker 1: all in your proposes. We need afore. We give you
0:31
Speaker 1: all that we have. We sing your face, we see
0:38
Speaker 1: your face, waiting all you where rud by.
1:42
Speaker 2: Marriage isn't always perfect, but healing is always possible. Welcome
1:48
Speaker 2: to Let the healing begin. With your hosts Apostles Lee
1:53
Speaker 2: and Kimberly Thomas. This podcast tackles real life issues with
1:58
Speaker 2: raw truth and a powerful his and her perspective. We
2:03
Speaker 2: talk marriage, we talk sex, we talk lost love and
2:08
Speaker 2: relational challenges couples don't always say out loud. If you're
2:14
Speaker 2: ready for honest dialogue, faith filled insight, and a practical
2:19
Speaker 2: wisdom that restores connection and strengthens your marriage, you're in
2:25
Speaker 2: the right place. Come journey with us as we let
2:31
Speaker 2: the healing begin.
2:38
Speaker 3: Hey, good evening, Good evening, and welcome. Welcome to Let
2:42
Speaker 3: the healing begin with your hosts me at Kimberly Thomas.
2:48
Speaker 3: We are here tonight to share some insight with you
2:52
Speaker 3: on marriage, sex and relational issues that many couples do
2:58
Speaker 3: not like to talk about.
3:00
Speaker 4: We about to give you honest dialogue, open dialogue. We're
3:05
Speaker 4: gonna give it to you, clean and raw.
3:07
Speaker 3: Before we get started tonight, I want to put this
3:10
Speaker 3: disclaimer out here. We do not claim to have the
3:13
Speaker 3: monopoly on marriage, nor do we claim to have mastered
3:17
Speaker 3: this thing called marriage.
3:18
Speaker 4: But what we do have is a marriage.
3:20
Speaker 3: We have experience, and most of all, we have a
3:24
Speaker 3: mandate from God to share that experience with others so
3:28
Speaker 3: that we may help you along your journey in this
3:31
Speaker 3: thing called marriage. So we're gonna get started tonight. We'd
3:35
Speaker 3: let the healing begin. We want to thank you for
3:37
Speaker 3: your patience tonight, as we had some technical difficulties coming
3:42
Speaker 3: on tonight. What to God be the glory. It was
3:45
Speaker 3: worth the way, It is going to be worth the way.
3:48
Speaker 4: So tonight we are coming. You know, we have kicked
3:52
Speaker 4: off this series with what do you bring to the table.
3:56
Speaker 3: So tonight we're gonna talk about an issue that I
4:00
Speaker 3: think a lot of times we overlook because we have
4:05
Speaker 3: our own perceptions of what a spouse or a partner
4:11
Speaker 3: should be able to do for us in a relationship
4:15
Speaker 3: and in a marriage.
4:16
Speaker 4: So tonight we're going to talk about the fact of
4:19
Speaker 4: how do you handle it when the person you are
4:25
Speaker 4: with cannot give you what you're looking for?
4:35
Speaker 5: That that's kind of mind boggle man for just a
4:39
Speaker 5: half a second, because here's the thing. When you're in
4:43
Speaker 5: a relationship, you both come together thinking that it's going
4:48
Speaker 5: to be.
4:50
Speaker 6: Perfect.
4:51
Speaker 5: But how can you expect the person to give you
4:53
Speaker 5: something that they don't possess.
4:56
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's a great question. We started thinking about this.
5:01
Speaker 3: We were just casually having a conversation one day and
5:06
Speaker 3: we were talking about relationships.
5:09
Speaker 4: We were talking about individuals, and.
5:13
Speaker 3: So the concept of the fact that when we come
5:17
Speaker 3: into relationships, so when we begin to connect ourselves with
5:23
Speaker 3: our partners, we have different things that we see. We
5:28
Speaker 3: seek different things from different perspectives as his perspective and
5:35
Speaker 3: her perspective. So we come with all these expectations of
5:40
Speaker 3: what this partner should be able to do for us,
5:45
Speaker 3: and a lot of times, emotionally women, we come with
5:49
Speaker 3: a long laundry list of expectations. He has to be tall,
5:55
Speaker 3: he has to be dark, he has to be handsome,
5:57
Speaker 3: he has to have all this, and yeah, he has
6:01
Speaker 3: to be all that, But we have the false perception
6:07
Speaker 3: that he is able to emotionally take us to a
6:16
Speaker 3: place of healing because many of us we come broken, busted,
6:21
Speaker 3: discuss that we're be batter, bruise, cracked and chipped.
6:25
Speaker 4: And we finally find that person and we bring all
6:33
Speaker 4: our emotional.
6:34
Speaker 3: Baggage and when he is not equipped to handle what
6:40
Speaker 3: we are presenting, there becomes an issue.
6:45
Speaker 5: Let's talk about that right there, when you say he's
6:48
Speaker 5: not a quiped to handle. Now, if you found this
6:54
Speaker 5: individual and he is the one, but now all of
6:57
Speaker 5: a sudden he's not equipped, let's talk part.
7:01
Speaker 3: Okay, So when we talk about equipp what I'm saying
7:05
Speaker 3: is not that he's not cap well, not that he's
7:08
Speaker 3: not able physically. But think about two individuals from two
7:15
Speaker 3: different backgrounds. You have an individual who has gone through
7:21
Speaker 3: a lot of trauma in their life, and many women
7:24
Speaker 3: come into relationships that have experienced a lot of trauma.
7:29
Speaker 3: We have experienced childhood trauma, we have experienced young adult trauma,
7:34
Speaker 3: and we bring all of these things into our relationships
7:38
Speaker 3: and into our marriages because we have never dealt with
7:41
Speaker 3: those things.
7:42
Speaker 4: Now we're with a person who has never experienced that.
7:46
Speaker 3: You're with someone who may have never had or never
7:52
Speaker 3: been exposed to any childhood trauma, never been exposed to
7:58
Speaker 3: any mama.
8:01
Speaker 4: Drama.
8:02
Speaker 3: Everything may have looked perfect in the household that they
8:06
Speaker 3: grew up in. So now you have this traumatic and
8:11
Speaker 3: I'm gonna use drama queen for lack of better terms. Y'all,
8:15
Speaker 3: don't don't shoot the messenger, but just bringing all of
8:20
Speaker 3: that to the table, and I dump this in your lap.
8:24
Speaker 3: If you have never experienced this or never had to
8:27
Speaker 3: deal with this, you do not know how to help.
8:30
Speaker 4: Me emotionally.
8:33
Speaker 3: Become that whole person, because that's nothing that you're used to.
8:38
Speaker 3: So when I'm having a meltdown because of separation or
8:43
Speaker 3: isolation issues or rejection issues, and you've never experienced that,
8:48
Speaker 3: You've always had love, you never.
8:51
Speaker 4: Experienced rejection in your family, you never experienced abandonment in
8:55
Speaker 4: your family.
8:56
Speaker 3: So you don't know how to deal with me emotional
9:00
Speaker 3: And many times what happens is you may look at
9:04
Speaker 3: me and say, you know you you're a drama queen. Really,
9:10
Speaker 3: it's not that serious, get over it. And these are
9:13
Speaker 3: the things that we encounter because of the simple fact
9:17
Speaker 3: that he cannot give me what he does not possess.
9:23
Speaker 5: Okay, did you actually allow or do you think they
9:30
Speaker 5: actually allow the man to actually help them when they're
9:35
Speaker 5: holding in all these things because I can't give you
9:39
Speaker 5: what I don't possess, and if I do possess it,
9:41
Speaker 5: I can I give it to you if you don't
9:44
Speaker 5: unlock the door.
9:45
Speaker 6: You know, because.
9:47
Speaker 5: Women, you say, come in with all this stuff, and
9:53
Speaker 5: he's good on this end, but not good on that end.
9:55
Speaker 5: Is it because they're not listening? Or is it because
10:00
Speaker 5: you know most women feel like we got it all
10:03
Speaker 5: together and you just you're not there. You don't understand.
10:06
Speaker 5: And it's not that a man doesn't understand. It's just
10:10
Speaker 5: that you know you're only you can't fix a piece
10:13
Speaker 5: of a puzzle. You need all the chips. And then
10:17
Speaker 5: you got to be emotionally and mentally ready to unload
10:23
Speaker 5: all this because I can't work with if i'm building
10:26
Speaker 5: this thing. I can't build a house with half the blocks.
10:30
Speaker 4: That's true.
10:32
Speaker 5: And when the man starts to build on what you
10:36
Speaker 5: have exposed to him, and he can tell you from
10:39
Speaker 5: what you're telling me if this is true, then from
10:42
Speaker 5: what you're saying, I can only this is the answer.
10:45
Speaker 5: And then you get mad because that's not it. You
10:49
Speaker 5: don't understand. But what I really don't understand is I
10:52
Speaker 5: don't have all of working parts.
10:54
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, So being transparent coming into our relationship as
11:01
Speaker 3: we were, Daity, I came from a place of incest.
11:07
Speaker 3: I came from a place of previous relationship abuse. So
11:14
Speaker 3: there were many things that were triggers for me. Touches
11:21
Speaker 3: were triggers. Certain smells were triggers. This, oh, nobody, that
11:26
Speaker 3: was definitely a trigger.
11:30
Speaker 4: All of these things.
11:31
Speaker 3: Are triggers, and they were triggers because I never healed
11:37
Speaker 3: from those things. So you may have been doing this
11:41
Speaker 3: to come and do this, but all I saw was this,
11:47
Speaker 3: and when I saw that, it was a round, it's done.
11:49
Speaker 6: Uh No.
11:51
Speaker 3: So emotionally, you said, is it the fact that we
11:59
Speaker 3: automatic say, you don't know, you don't understand, And sometimes
12:06
Speaker 3: that is true. We assume that the person will not understand.
12:10
Speaker 3: We assume that the person does not care, and a
12:14
Speaker 3: lot of times it's us because we have been so
12:18
Speaker 3: trapped in that place of trauma that we have built
12:23
Speaker 3: our own six by nine and we are locked up
12:26
Speaker 3: in this place. And the person that God has ordained
12:29
Speaker 3: for us that has come to rescue us and unlock
12:33
Speaker 3: that personal prison that we're in, the first thing that
12:37
Speaker 3: we say is no.
12:38
Speaker 4: You don't understand. We don't want them to understand.
12:41
Speaker 3: Oh, we don't want them to understand to a certain degree,
12:45
Speaker 3: because this is this is what has been working for me,
12:49
Speaker 3: because this is where when I get sick and tired
12:52
Speaker 3: of you, I can say, you know what, I'm done.
12:57
Speaker 3: I'm done because you don't understand. You don't understand and
13:00
Speaker 3: what I went through, you don't understand. You know how
13:03
Speaker 3: I all my life I had to fight. You don't
13:06
Speaker 3: understand that.
13:07
Speaker 4: You don't understand it.
13:09
Speaker 3: So this is what you have to think about sometimes,
13:13
Speaker 3: ladies rachaying because sometimes ladies, these are places that you
13:20
Speaker 3: don't want to allow to be touched by anybody, not
13:26
Speaker 3: even God, because to you, this is your safe haven.
13:30
Speaker 3: This is the place that you can always run back
13:32
Speaker 3: to and claim that he has no understanding of what
13:36
Speaker 3: you have gone through, because this is your retreat of
13:41
Speaker 3: basically saying, this is my defense. So anytime something goes wrong,
13:48
Speaker 3: I have escapegoat.
13:50
Speaker 5: So in the midst of keeping all their secrets and
13:54
Speaker 5: having a safe place to go to, and you built
13:56
Speaker 5: up this wall, you know, and the man said, well, okay,
14:02
Speaker 5: I'm done. I can't do this with you for the
14:06
Speaker 5: simple fact that you know you're not letting me in.
14:09
Speaker 5: You tell me you love me and everything's good, but
14:12
Speaker 5: everything's not good. How do you expect to heal?
14:19
Speaker 6: And how do you expect the man to help you
14:22
Speaker 6: heal if you don't want to be here?
14:26
Speaker 5: You know, you got this stuff locked up, you know,
14:29
Speaker 5: And men they say we're simple. I tend to agree
14:34
Speaker 5: with that, because you know, it is what it is.
14:36
Speaker 5: I ain't gonna worry about what it ain't because that's
14:39
Speaker 5: a problem that I ain't even trying to deal with
14:41
Speaker 5: for the simple fact that that was yesterday.
14:44
Speaker 6: And if we here today, let yesterday go. And that's
14:47
Speaker 6: where the problem with.
14:49
Speaker 5: The healing begins, because you holding on to yesterday. And
14:53
Speaker 5: then here's the most significant part to me. You don't
14:57
Speaker 5: think about the man had I passed relationship too, and
15:02
Speaker 5: when I met you, this was the wherewith all of it,
15:06
Speaker 5: everything was over. We're gonna start from scratch. But in
15:10
Speaker 5: the midst you kept secrets. And now when the man
15:13
Speaker 5: wants to touch feeling and all that, first you start.
15:17
Speaker 5: I can't not stop. This was that Wait a minute,
15:19
Speaker 5: we're in the middle of this. Now it stopped. You know,
15:23
Speaker 5: you got to really think about what you're doing, you know,
15:28
Speaker 5: And if an individual really don't love you like that,
15:31
Speaker 5: and they're trying to build up it ain't gonna never work. Now,
15:34
Speaker 5: if this man loves you like that, he gonna do
15:36
Speaker 5: what he can to kind of let it smoove over.
15:39
Speaker 5: But you know what, pressure busts of pipe. And then
15:43
Speaker 5: if the man decides to leave, and you know, I'm good, y'all,
15:45
Speaker 5: go ahead, you go, I'm out. Oh you never loved me,
15:48
Speaker 5: you know, But did you love me? Because you didn't
15:51
Speaker 5: tell me the truth?
15:52
Speaker 4: Right?
15:53
Speaker 3: And that's that's the thing. We come into relationships. We
15:57
Speaker 3: bring so much into relationships, and not.
16:01
Speaker 4: Only do we bring baggage, we bring lies bout y'all.
16:05
Speaker 4: We bring lies because we don't want to really deal
16:08
Speaker 4: with the past.
16:11
Speaker 3: We don't really want to deal with the real issue
16:14
Speaker 3: or get to the heart of the matter.
16:16
Speaker 6: So we lie.
16:17
Speaker 3: We lie, We jake it to fake in and think, okay, well,
16:20
Speaker 3: if he's meant for me, we can make it. But no,
16:23
Speaker 3: you can't jake it to fake it because one thing,
16:25
Speaker 3: the real you, is gonna show up after a while, yes,
16:28
Speaker 3: and then you're gonna catch him or her off guard
16:31
Speaker 3: because you have been faking all this time, and now
16:35
Speaker 3: all of a sudden whoa who is this?
16:39
Speaker 5: And we're here and that you know that I've talked
16:42
Speaker 5: to several people about this, and that's what the problem.
16:46
Speaker 5: I love her, she loves me, and we we're going
16:50
Speaker 5: step by step and we're constantly building what seems to
16:55
Speaker 5: be a relationship or a marriage, and we're gathering up
16:59
Speaker 5: all the things, and we're bringing other people into it,
17:02
Speaker 5: which is our children and all this stuff. But where
17:06
Speaker 5: are we in this right because at the end of
17:08
Speaker 5: the day, I'm looking over you like God, but I'm
17:12
Speaker 5: still digging a hole, you know. And then when it
17:15
Speaker 5: gets to the point where it's about to explode, then
17:18
Speaker 5: you never loved me, You never cared.
17:20
Speaker 6: You know what? We're doing nothing. I just created a
17:24
Speaker 6: lot of debt. Now I'm done, you know.
17:28
Speaker 4: But that's one of the things. And you said something
17:31
Speaker 4: right there, you know, Because.
17:34
Speaker 3: It's very rare that you find someone that does not
17:41
Speaker 3: have a family or a child, and so this is
17:48
Speaker 3: where a lot of things come in, because these are
17:54
Speaker 3: things that we bring to the table.
17:57
Speaker 4: So here we are.
18:00
Speaker 3: You may have a single female no children, you have
18:05
Speaker 3: a male with many children, and so we're coming together.
18:11
Speaker 4: But it's a total package.
18:13
Speaker 3: Same thing with a female with children and a male
18:18
Speaker 3: with no children, or even a male with children.
18:22
Speaker 4: It's a total package.
18:23
Speaker 6: You have to blend it.
18:25
Speaker 4: It's a total package.
18:26
Speaker 3: And so this is the other thing that brings about
18:30
Speaker 3: you can't give something that you don't possess, because when
18:36
Speaker 3: you have all of these things that come into play,
18:41
Speaker 3: when you have these families, you bring these families together,
18:44
Speaker 3: you're blending the family. Here you are here, hear me
18:49
Speaker 3: and my children, hear you and your children, and now
18:53
Speaker 3: we're coming together.
18:54
Speaker 4: You have to take into consideration.
18:58
Speaker 3: That there's a lot of emotions, there's a lot of attitudes.
19:04
Speaker 3: There's a lot of MoMA over here and daddy over here,
19:08
Speaker 3: and there's there's a lot of influence, and there's a
19:11
Speaker 3: lot of things that we bring. And sometimes sometimes children lie.
19:20
Speaker 6: They lie.
19:22
Speaker 3: They lie because they don't want to see their mama
19:25
Speaker 3: and daddy with somebody else.
19:28
Speaker 4: So they lie and they make it hard.
19:30
Speaker 3: And the first thing that you say, the person with
19:34
Speaker 3: the children, you don't understand these my kids, these my kids.
19:41
Speaker 4: So now automatically you threw up the fence and.
19:47
Speaker 3: Now here we are we at a crossroads because you know,
19:51
Speaker 3: sometimes we be like okay, well, yeah, you're right, then
19:55
Speaker 3: are your kids?
19:56
Speaker 4: You and your kids.
19:58
Speaker 3: You know, but if you really and truly love that person,
20:03
Speaker 3: it takes a lot of understanding, It takes a lot
20:07
Speaker 3: of compassion, it takes a lot of love.
20:10
Speaker 4: And let me tell you, ladies, when you have a
20:12
Speaker 4: man that has children, you have baby mama drama. I
20:16
Speaker 4: don't care how much they act like they like you.
20:18
Speaker 3: They don't really like you because you got something that
20:21
Speaker 3: they had and they look like, oh, y'all look like
20:25
Speaker 3: y'all making it. No, No, I don't like you, but
20:28
Speaker 3: I can fake like I like you, and then I'll
20:32
Speaker 3: do little manipulative things that really will show up in
20:38
Speaker 3: the long run that I really didn't like you, and vice.
20:43
Speaker 4: Versa with men. Men men tend to be a little different.
20:48
Speaker 3: But when you have to deal with baby mama drama
20:51
Speaker 3: and all of this stuff, it's not easy because sometimes
20:58
Speaker 3: women use the children to create have it bring all
21:02
Speaker 3: kinds of wedges in between the person in their relationship.
21:08
Speaker 3: They do all kinds of stuff, and when they do
21:12
Speaker 3: these things, you just you don't really realize. And you know,
21:16
Speaker 3: everybody loved their children. And so if my child comes
21:21
Speaker 3: to me.
21:21
Speaker 4: And say.
21:23
Speaker 3: He did X, Y and Z, whose side am I
21:26
Speaker 3: gonna be on. I'm gonna side with my child first
21:30
Speaker 3: before I even know what the real deal is. And
21:33
Speaker 3: so then we looking like, wait a minute.
21:39
Speaker 4: How how you gonna come and say this to me?
21:44
Speaker 7: What do you what do you mean?
21:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, when life, when life situations happen, Yes, ma'am, you
21:53
Speaker 3: see the true version of a person.
21:57
Speaker 4: Let life situations happen. And now you know.
22:00
Speaker 3: I always had this joke with him, and I would say,
22:04
Speaker 3: blended family stake, work in communication, yes, ma'am.
22:07
Speaker 4: Yes, a whole lot of work and a lot of communications.
22:12
Speaker 4: But I would always joke with him.
22:13
Speaker 3: We had this this running joke that he had he
22:18
Speaker 3: had women in his life, he had baby mamas in
22:21
Speaker 3: his life.
22:22
Speaker 4: And I would joke, I say, you know what, they
22:25
Speaker 4: won't you till I clean you up? Then?
22:27
Speaker 3: And when I clean you up, then he'd come everybody
22:30
Speaker 3: coming out of the woodwork, not everybody.
22:32
Speaker 4: Won't you? And so we always used to laugh about that.
22:35
Speaker 3: But we had to get to that point because when
22:38
Speaker 3: I tell you that when it's not easy when you
22:43
Speaker 3: have children coming into a relationship that you know, we
22:49
Speaker 3: didn't have at the time, we didn't have children together.
22:53
Speaker 3: So he brought children into the relationship. But children come
22:59
Speaker 3: from other means. These were not my children. I had
23:04
Speaker 3: to tiptoe around them because I was always on the
23:10
Speaker 3: side of you don't understand. You don't understand because a
23:16
Speaker 3: lot of times, even though you know you have parents
23:20
Speaker 3: and these are your children, and you want your children
23:22
Speaker 3: to get along with your spouse, you want your children
23:25
Speaker 3: to build a relationship with your spouse. There are things
23:28
Speaker 3: that children do and they do it in a way
23:32
Speaker 3: that they know that you're not gonna see it. And
23:35
Speaker 3: then if something is said or something is done, then
23:39
Speaker 3: the other individual is wrong.
23:42
Speaker 4: So we have to look at that.
23:45
Speaker 6: You know.
23:47
Speaker 5: What what in the world actually what it is when
23:53
Speaker 5: you get together, you take vowels, and if you don't
23:57
Speaker 5: take those vowels seriously or actually think about the bowels
24:01
Speaker 5: that you took, they said, count the costs.
24:10
Speaker 6: And when you become one, it's supposed to be that one.
24:14
Speaker 5: But like you said earlier, you have to grow to
24:16
Speaker 5: that because that if this is something that you've never
24:19
Speaker 5: been in before, yes, then you got a problem, you know,
24:22
Speaker 5: because here's the thing pass of life, you know, and
24:27
Speaker 5: life be life in said for instance, like me, you know,
24:32
Speaker 5: I used to have a good time. Club probably have
24:35
Speaker 5: a great time, So it was nothing for me to
24:38
Speaker 5: come home three four o'clock in the morning.
24:41
Speaker 1: You know.
24:41
Speaker 5: Then you get a wife, you know, and no babies
24:45
Speaker 5: in there were good look, I was chilling.
24:48
Speaker 6: You know what, what's your lip out here? For everything
24:51
Speaker 6: you need is right here.
24:53
Speaker 5: But then you got to think, you know, you're no
24:56
Speaker 5: longer by yourself well one all right, Then it comes
25:01
Speaker 5: down to your kids.
25:02
Speaker 6: Then you have to really find out what time it
25:04
Speaker 6: is for where, because you know what, that's where that
25:07
Speaker 6: stigma comes in.
25:08
Speaker 5: These are my children, these minds we together, so we
25:13
Speaker 5: belong to each other, and I want this to happen.
25:16
Speaker 5: But you know, you have to realize we became one
25:18
Speaker 5: and these other ones gonna have to get down with
25:21
Speaker 5: this one in order to make it work.
25:23
Speaker 6: And you just got to put your foot down. It's
25:25
Speaker 6: just as simple.
25:26
Speaker 5: But it takes time because you don't you really don't
25:30
Speaker 5: get it at first, and you don't get it till
25:33
Speaker 5: you get it. And when you get it, you got
25:35
Speaker 5: it and hopefully you still have the one that.
25:36
Speaker 6: You wanted to be with that card.
25:39
Speaker 3: Think about how many relationships and how many marriages broke
25:45
Speaker 3: up separated or even got divorced because of lack of understanding,
25:53
Speaker 3: lack of communication. I saw that come up a little
25:57
Speaker 3: earlier from Trevida. Takes work, it takes communication, and that's
26:04
Speaker 3: when you have to learn not to allow yourself to
26:10
Speaker 3: be played by little people, because the little people, little
26:16
Speaker 3: people will play you.
26:18
Speaker 4: They will play you, and they.
26:19
Speaker 3: Will destroy what you have or what you are building
26:24
Speaker 3: because of what they desire.
26:28
Speaker 4: They don't have the whole story.
26:29
Speaker 3: They have one side of the story, and most time
26:32
Speaker 3: one side of the story is twisted, one side of
26:36
Speaker 3: the story is warked. One side of the story favors
26:39
Speaker 3: one parent or the other. If we're gonna be honest,
26:44
Speaker 3: one side favors one or the other. There's some lies
26:48
Speaker 3: that them been told on the parent as well as
26:54
Speaker 3: the parents.
26:54
Speaker 4: A new person. There's some lives that has been thrown
26:58
Speaker 4: in there.
26:59
Speaker 3: There's something that you They will go to their grave
27:03
Speaker 3: line about saying that never happened, that happened.
27:05
Speaker 4: They know it happened, but they don't want the children
27:08
Speaker 4: to know it happened. And so we have to learn
27:11
Speaker 4: how to be honest. And it did not come for
27:14
Speaker 4: us overnight. It didn't. It didn't come for us overnight.
27:19
Speaker 4: We had to work at it.
27:23
Speaker 3: And being honest, little people, little people are all men
27:28
Speaker 3: almost cause us to get clean click because we was
27:35
Speaker 3: a whole wreck because of little people. Little people did things,
27:40
Speaker 3: little people told lots. Little people did a lots.
27:43
Speaker 4: Of stuff to the point to where they caused nearly
27:49
Speaker 4: dragouts fights. And so this is what and you know, y'all,
27:55
Speaker 4: we we we this is this is God or day.
27:59
Speaker 3: Believe me this and it has to be God ordained
28:01
Speaker 3: because this is not even what we even set out
28:04
Speaker 3: to talk about tonight. But somebody needs to hear this
28:07
Speaker 3: because somebody is on the verge of losing what God
28:13
Speaker 3: has for you because the little people. So listen to
28:18
Speaker 3: me very carefully tonight. Don't allow little people to destroy
28:26
Speaker 3: what God has given you. And don't you destroy it
28:31
Speaker 3: because the little people. Little people lie. Little people lie.
28:38
Speaker 3: Little people lie.
28:39
Speaker 4: Do you hear me? They lie?
28:42
Speaker 3: So you have to be very mindful, be the adult
28:47
Speaker 3: because little people will play you against one another.
28:52
Speaker 6: Even in that.
28:54
Speaker 5: We understand about the little people, But let's talk about
28:57
Speaker 5: their depts because that's what we say we are.
29:01
Speaker 6: We say we are debts and everything. But what about
29:06
Speaker 6: the lies?
29:06
Speaker 4: We tell exactly.
29:08
Speaker 5: We lie to ourselves and each other because we don't
29:14
Speaker 5: want the other one to feel a certain type of way.
29:17
Speaker 5: You know, I was saying now that I say at
29:20
Speaker 5: church all the time, be true, but to ourself, be true.
29:24
Speaker 6: Don't lie to yourself. You know what you want, you
29:27
Speaker 6: know what you like, you know what you need, you
29:29
Speaker 6: know what you desire. So don't go.
29:34
Speaker 5: On this and a hundred on that. You got to
29:36
Speaker 5: be a hundred all in all the way around the board.
29:38
Speaker 5: And the thing of it is, you got to tell
29:40
Speaker 5: the whole truth first and foremost, tell the whole truth
29:44
Speaker 5: to yourself about what it is going to be and
29:46
Speaker 5: what you want and how you're gonna stand on this
29:49
Speaker 5: and get some understanding and all like, get and get
29:53
Speaker 5: some understanding. And once you get that understanding, be true
29:56
Speaker 5: to yourself. Because there's certain things that you like and
29:59
Speaker 5: you don't like. So you got to count the costs,
30:02
Speaker 5: and you got to tell your significant otherm look.
30:06
Speaker 6: This is what it is, this is what I'm with,
30:08
Speaker 6: this is what I'm about. This way it's at now.
30:10
Speaker 5: Be willing to accept what they like and what they dislike,
30:17
Speaker 5: because it's some things she'll do that you don't like it.
30:19
Speaker 6: Some things you do that she don't like. So you
30:21
Speaker 6: got to come together on that.
30:23
Speaker 5: But if you gonna be together, don't lie, just get
30:27
Speaker 5: just get it out there and open, because you know
30:29
Speaker 5: that that situation whereas you sit there and.
30:32
Speaker 6: Think that, well, hopefully that'll change. But I'm being honest
30:37
Speaker 6: with you with that, hopefully, And that's about all it
30:40
Speaker 6: is is a hope.
30:41
Speaker 5: Because if I've been going through this and saying, Okay,
30:44
Speaker 5: I'm good, I'm gonna be with you.
30:45
Speaker 6: We're good, were good, our chilling, and I'm sitting there thinking, man,
30:49
Speaker 6: I be so glad when it's over, you're being untrue
30:53
Speaker 6: to yourself. You know.
30:55
Speaker 5: If you don't want to go, don't go. Be clear
30:58
Speaker 5: about it, because after why you can only fake for
31:01
Speaker 5: so long?
31:02
Speaker 6: Yes, so.
31:05
Speaker 5: Don't allow the part to start the ball and then
31:07
Speaker 5: the top pop off and then all of a sudden,
31:10
Speaker 5: well it was cool before.
31:12
Speaker 6: Now while you all mad, we been doing this. No,
31:15
Speaker 6: I've been lying. I ain't want to do it straight up.
31:18
Speaker 5: I was just doing it hopefully that you will see
31:21
Speaker 5: I really don't like this, you know. But that's also
31:28
Speaker 5: putting fuel to the fire, y'all.
31:31
Speaker 6: I was when I turned fifty years old. Been a
31:34
Speaker 6: little while ago.
31:36
Speaker 5: But when I turned fifty old, I was sitting there thinking, dang,
31:40
Speaker 5: I'm fifty years old, and I started crying, y'all for real.
31:43
Speaker 6: Not because I was fifty.
31:45
Speaker 5: I was crying because fifty years of my life I
31:48
Speaker 5: did something that everybody else wanted to do, not nothing
31:52
Speaker 5: that I wanted to do, trying to be a people
31:55
Speaker 5: pleaser and not pleasing myself.
31:58
Speaker 6: So after fifty years old, so I ain't doing nothing
32:01
Speaker 6: else I don't want to do.
32:03
Speaker 5: You can't talk me into it, because you know, we
32:05
Speaker 5: make this statement, Lord, I'll go if I have to
32:10
Speaker 5: go by myself. And then when you have to go
32:12
Speaker 5: by yourself, now you mad at me because I don't go,
32:15
Speaker 5: But then you've got a right to be mad because
32:17
Speaker 5: I was going. But I should have told you that
32:20
Speaker 5: get go. I wasn't gonna go. Then we don't have
32:22
Speaker 5: that problem about you going by yourself. Right, So be
32:26
Speaker 5: true to yourself so you can have a relationship and
32:29
Speaker 5: then heal from what you was already in.
32:32
Speaker 6: Because once you bring that baggage, you know, then you
32:35
Speaker 6: got to realize that you brought that.
32:38
Speaker 5: Now either you can put it in the receptacle, and
32:40
Speaker 5: you and I can start off one hundred and make
32:42
Speaker 5: it happen. Otherwise, you know, stuff starts slipping and falling
32:47
Speaker 5: out the bag, you know, and then you can't put
32:51
Speaker 5: it back in the bag when it came right.
32:55
Speaker 4: All right, on that note, we're.
32:56
Speaker 3: Gonna take a quick break because we're gonna come back
32:59
Speaker 3: and we're gonna talk about is.
33:01
Speaker 4: We're gonna be right back with you, So stay tuned.
33:04
Speaker 4: We'll be right back.
33:43
Speaker 5: To sleep.
33:45
Speaker 4: Victors come just.
33:54
Speaker 1: Got to me. That's funny. But he goes on the birthday.
34:02
Speaker 1: That's why to me every.
34:05
Speaker 7: Day through the story way, I know everything about calling
34:11
Speaker 7: and pain. God can and through it all without his protection.
34:17
Speaker 7: Like Shular Brown, I have a couple of time in
34:21
Speaker 7: the game, but alls that pay because I'm don Jesus say,
34:24
Speaker 7: you know you can't kill It isn't real.
34:28
Speaker 2: There's nothing.
34:29
Speaker 4: The victory is got looted to read to sleep sleep
34:35
Speaker 4: pict and gee yes I do.
34:37
Speaker 1: He has hard by to call the rock marble the
34:42
Speaker 1: battle stale Bi looking to me in a sweet sweep
34:48
Speaker 1: patri and cheese.
35:03
Speaker 4: Hey we are back, we are back. We are back.
35:09
Speaker 4: So we were just talking about this be truth, This
35:14
Speaker 4: be truth thing.
35:17
Speaker 3: Tell the truth, not your truth, because even our truth
35:23
Speaker 3: is not the full truth sometimes, but it's our truth.
35:27
Speaker 4: So we're gonna tell the.
35:28
Speaker 3: Whole truth and nothing but the truth, because even in truth,
35:34
Speaker 3: truth is offensive first of all, and a lot of
35:38
Speaker 3: times we don't want to hear the truth.
35:40
Speaker 4: We would rather just you know, brush over it, or
35:44
Speaker 4: we tell a part of the truth, and then.
35:48
Speaker 3: That's when stuff starts falling out the bag that you
35:52
Speaker 3: can't put.
35:52
Speaker 4: Back in the bag. And then if you're like me,
35:55
Speaker 4: I have a memory like an elephant.
35:58
Speaker 3: And you tell me part of the truth, and then
36:01
Speaker 3: when that stuff start falling out the bag, gonna be
36:03
Speaker 3: like you said such such and be like no, I did,
36:06
Speaker 3: Yes you did. We were happy we were this place
36:09
Speaker 3: on this day, and this is what you had on
36:14
Speaker 3: and this is what you said. I'm that type of person.
36:18
Speaker 3: I'm not going to forget what you said. I'm going
36:21
Speaker 3: to remember what you said. And so that's why it's
36:26
Speaker 3: important for you to just go ahead and tell the
36:28
Speaker 3: whole truth, the real truth, and not your truth, because
36:31
Speaker 3: when those things start falling out that bad, you're gonna
36:35
Speaker 3: have to come up with another half of your truth
36:38
Speaker 3: to try to make up another whole truth and it's.
36:41
Speaker 4: Not gonna work. It's not gonna work.
36:43
Speaker 3: And that's what really destroys relationships because all it takes
36:48
Speaker 3: is one time for you to tell a lie, just
36:52
Speaker 3: one little lie.
36:53
Speaker 4: You be like, no, that's what I said. No, that's
36:55
Speaker 4: not what you said. You said part of that, but
36:58
Speaker 4: you didn't say the rest of it. And now that
37:00
Speaker 4: this part is falling out that you thought would never
37:03
Speaker 4: come out the bag. It was way down on the
37:06
Speaker 4: ver red bottom, and you said, how in the devil
37:09
Speaker 4: did that get up and out the bag? Because it
37:12
Speaker 4: was on the bottom. So how it got all the
37:14
Speaker 4: way from down there to coming out the bag?
37:18
Speaker 6: I don't know. I don't know nothing about that. But
37:22
Speaker 6: what I do somebody I can speak on what I nobody,
37:27
Speaker 6: and that is simply this.
37:30
Speaker 5: You got to be real, you know, straight up. You
37:32
Speaker 5: got to be real, you know. And I do understand
37:35
Speaker 5: that people do go through all those type of changes.
37:38
Speaker 5: See the difference between us and a lot of people
37:41
Speaker 5: like that. We about to have thirty four years, but
37:45
Speaker 5: it's and it hadn't been easy. You know, it's good now,
37:50
Speaker 5: but on that takeoff, you know, it's a little rough
37:52
Speaker 5: because you know, You can't sit there and try to.
37:57
Speaker 6: Pity pat around a situation.
38:00
Speaker 5: If you know you love one another, be one hundred
38:03
Speaker 5: with each other and trust that they love me enough
38:05
Speaker 5: to you know, go through it. And the thing about
38:08
Speaker 5: it is, you know, if it's real, it's gonna last
38:11
Speaker 5: and it's gonna be there. But you know, you can't
38:13
Speaker 5: build on the line. You got to build on the
38:17
Speaker 5: whole two. You got to build a real foundation.
38:19
Speaker 7: You know.
38:19
Speaker 5: We were talking the other day, well, I was talking
38:21
Speaker 5: to the guys about this, and he said, he was
38:24
Speaker 5: explaining to his better half. He said, you know, you're
38:28
Speaker 5: looking at this bolt over here. But you know, in
38:32
Speaker 5: order to become a bolder, you got to have a
38:34
Speaker 5: grain of sand, and it takes time. I was like you,
38:37
Speaker 5: that's a real word there, because that was the foundation.
38:41
Speaker 5: So you have to have a solid foundation. You know,
38:44
Speaker 5: some people feel like they are all up there and
38:46
Speaker 5: someone they down here and you and you're placing people
38:48
Speaker 5: in categories.
38:49
Speaker 6: But you know, without a float, you can't get a ceiling.
38:53
Speaker 5: So you got to be one hundred with each other
38:56
Speaker 5: so you can get to that ceiling, you know, and
39:00
Speaker 5: we have to build this thing together. You know, it's
39:03
Speaker 5: called let the healing begin. But when you have your relationship,
39:08
Speaker 5: it's no certain time to get grown. You can be
39:11
Speaker 5: forty five years on the light bulb just come on.
39:15
Speaker 5: But at least start training yourself to tell the whole truth,
39:22
Speaker 5: you know, because there's nothing like living in misery.
39:26
Speaker 6: I did that one time, y'all, for a long time
39:30
Speaker 6: because I felt that.
39:31
Speaker 5: You know, black men didn't stay with their families and
39:34
Speaker 5: raise their children.
39:36
Speaker 6: But you know what, if it's not working, it's just
39:39
Speaker 6: not working.
39:40
Speaker 5: You can raise your children and be a good parent,
39:43
Speaker 5: and you can also get with somebody else and be
39:45
Speaker 5: a better parent. Let's not forget the other parents gonna
39:49
Speaker 5: fall out for dead for the simple fact that you
39:51
Speaker 5: know you're doing extremely well now and oh you did
39:55
Speaker 5: all that for them, or why you didn't do it
39:57
Speaker 5: for me?
39:57
Speaker 6: Because you wasn't that person, you know, say it just
40:00
Speaker 6: be one hunted with it. You wasn't that person.
40:02
Speaker 5: You couldn't give me what I needed to take me
40:04
Speaker 5: to the next level because you was trying to just
40:06
Speaker 5: drawn me in what you had going on instead of
40:09
Speaker 5: building what we need to have going on.
40:12
Speaker 3: You know that that is a mouthful right there, Because
40:16
Speaker 3: the Bible tells us that a wise woman builds the house,
40:21
Speaker 3: but a food pluckeed it down with her hands.
40:24
Speaker 4: So when you become married, when you are in a
40:30
Speaker 4: marriage or a serious.
40:33
Speaker 3: Relationship, and I'm not talking about being nobody girlfriend for
40:38
Speaker 3: the rest of your life, that I'm not considering that
40:41
Speaker 3: serious because anything, I listen to each his own. But
40:49
Speaker 3: one thing that I do know, God honors marriage. And
40:53
Speaker 3: there is no way that you should be in a
40:59
Speaker 3: relationship with somebody that claims.
41:01
Speaker 4: To love you.
41:04
Speaker 3: For over half of your life. There's no way that
41:09
Speaker 3: you should be somebody's girlfriend or somebody's boyfriend for twenty
41:15
Speaker 3: and thirty years.
41:15
Speaker 4: There's something wrong with that.
41:18
Speaker 3: There's something wrong with that, and the parties both of
41:21
Speaker 3: you need to check yourselves to figure out.
41:23
Speaker 4: You know, people say, oh, well people don't get married.
41:25
Speaker 3: Anymore, Well, you know what that may be what society
41:31
Speaker 3: is saying. Okay, well you know marriage is not the
41:35
Speaker 3: thing anymore. But marriage is always gonna be the thing,
41:38
Speaker 3: because marriage is what God blesses.
41:41
Speaker 4: He does not bless your cohabitation. He does not bless your.
41:46
Speaker 3: Girlfriend, boyfriend relationship for the duration. That's not what he honors.
41:52
Speaker 4: He honors marriage. He honors marriage.
41:56
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, you're in a relationship, you're somebody's girlfriend, you're
42:00
Speaker 3: Aby's boyfriend. I'm not saying that you're not gonna ever
42:03
Speaker 3: be blessed. But when you begin to become that one
42:08
Speaker 3: that God has ordained, that's when the blessings really begin
42:14
Speaker 3: to flow.
42:15
Speaker 4: That's when they really come.
42:17
Speaker 3: And so when we start thinking about these things, and
42:20
Speaker 3: you said something that really made me begin to think
42:26
Speaker 3: about how you know, you talked about relationships and being
42:31
Speaker 3: honest and being true in relationships and showing up.
42:35
Speaker 4: Basically, you have to first show up for yourself. You
42:37
Speaker 4: gotta be true to you.
42:38
Speaker 3: You got to show up for yourself because even in
42:42
Speaker 3: marriage we lose a little bit of ourself because it's
42:45
Speaker 3: a give and take.
42:47
Speaker 4: So you lose a.
42:47
Speaker 3: Little bit of yourself and you gain a little bit
42:51
Speaker 3: on the other side. But when we start to think
42:55
Speaker 3: about the fact that going back to what the Bible
42:59
Speaker 3: says about the wise woman, the wise woman builds the house.
43:03
Speaker 3: So that means that even in times where you have
43:07
Speaker 3: all these other things that are coming in, all these
43:10
Speaker 3: things that are brought in, when you know that what
43:14
Speaker 3: you are in there, your marriage, has been ordained by God,
43:18
Speaker 3: you seek the father for strategies on how to handle
43:24
Speaker 3: what is coming.
43:25
Speaker 4: Because you want to build the house.
43:27
Speaker 3: You don't want to tear it down. You want to
43:29
Speaker 3: build it. So that means that we build together. You know,
43:34
Speaker 3: there's a there's this analogy that Lee does a lot.
43:39
Speaker 3: He'll ask the question when we are counseling individuals, when
43:44
Speaker 3: we counsel couples together, he said, Okay, if we have
43:49
Speaker 3: to get a rope on the on the other side
43:53
Speaker 3: of the house, so one part of the rope is
43:55
Speaker 3: on one side and one part of the rope is
44:00
Speaker 3: on the other side, what.
44:01
Speaker 4: Are you gonna do.
44:02
Speaker 3: Are you gonna run around the house and grab the
44:05
Speaker 3: rope that's on the other side, or are you gonna
44:08
Speaker 3: stay over here on this side and work with your partner?
44:12
Speaker 3: And you know, so many times people say, well, I'm
44:14
Speaker 3: gonna run over there and I'm gonna get the other rope. Well,
44:16
Speaker 3: how and we're pulling against each other. We have to
44:21
Speaker 3: understand we are working together. So if our goal is
44:25
Speaker 3: to get the rope to one side of the house
44:27
Speaker 3: or the other, you can run your happy hips on
44:30
Speaker 3: the other side and say that you're gonna pull because
44:32
Speaker 3: you're pulling against me. We're working this thing together. So
44:38
Speaker 3: as the wise woman that builds the house, we're building
44:42
Speaker 3: the house. But he's giving us the bricks. He's laying
44:46
Speaker 3: helping us to lay the bricks. The foundation has already
44:49
Speaker 3: been laid and we have to build upon that. The
44:53
Speaker 3: foundation should be loved. In every marriage, the foundation should
44:59
Speaker 3: be loved. How However, we know that there's some foundations
45:04
Speaker 3: that's real rocky because they was based on you know,
45:07
Speaker 3: these co cola bottles and all these things, you know,
45:10
Speaker 3: the sex and all of these things.
45:13
Speaker 4: You know, let's turn off the lights.
45:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, all of that, and those are some shaky foundations
45:22
Speaker 3: because when that co cola bottle leaves and it become
45:25
Speaker 3: a tool leader, you can't even.
45:27
Speaker 4: Tell that it was a cocola bottle anymore.
45:29
Speaker 3: Then there's some issues. Then there comes the issues because
45:34
Speaker 3: now it's not that I don't.
45:36
Speaker 4: See the one that I fell in love with. I
45:41
Speaker 4: see something else.
45:42
Speaker 3: So if that's what you are doing, and that's what
45:46
Speaker 3: you see, now, that's what you were all in on.
45:50
Speaker 3: So your foundation is rocky.
45:53
Speaker 6: Correct. But here's the thing. That's what I was telling
45:56
Speaker 6: them about love.
45:59
Speaker 5: If I had a coca bottle when I started off
46:01
Speaker 5: and it turned into a two leader. If I love you,
46:04
Speaker 5: I still see that coke colda bottle, because you know
46:06
Speaker 5: what I helped build that.
46:09
Speaker 6: I don't you well, I got you, guy, I gotcha.
46:13
Speaker 6: I helped build that. And that's the thing. But you
46:17
Speaker 6: got to be able to be honest enough to just
46:19
Speaker 6: to tell the whole truth.
46:21
Speaker 5: You know what you've been together, say together, y'all been
46:24
Speaker 5: together ten years and in ten years, you know you
46:27
Speaker 5: got to to going to the gym, and you know
46:29
Speaker 5: you got try to eat salad. I need some misteak
46:32
Speaker 5: and some potatoes, and that's what it gonna be. So
46:36
Speaker 5: once you, if you in love with each other, you
46:40
Speaker 5: gonna see that same person because you know what that's mine. Yes,
46:45
Speaker 5: you know, the Bible tells us a man that finds
46:48
Speaker 5: a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of
46:51
Speaker 5: the Lord. But the thing of it is, you got
46:53
Speaker 5: to find one, see, and when you find one, you
46:56
Speaker 5: gonna do it because you're gonna be compatible and a
46:59
Speaker 5: number of different ways. You know, I'm not saying that
47:02
Speaker 5: you ain't gonna get on each other's nerves. But what
47:04
Speaker 5: I'm trying to tell you is tell the truth. That's
47:08
Speaker 5: why they keeps from the love and tell the truth.
47:10
Speaker 5: Love yourself better than that nonsense. You know, it's all
47:15
Speaker 5: about you and him or her and him. Then you
47:22
Speaker 5: got you something you can work with, you know, and
47:25
Speaker 5: then be able to talk and be able to tell
47:28
Speaker 5: the truth and accept what you hear.
47:30
Speaker 6: Yeah, and accept what you hear. Don't get mad.
47:32
Speaker 5: And then you three four days you walking through the
47:34
Speaker 5: house and not saying that to each other, you know,
47:37
Speaker 5: because that ain't helping nohing.
47:38
Speaker 6: You're grown. You ain't got to go through all them changing. Look,
47:41
Speaker 6: I told you what it was. You told me what
47:43
Speaker 6: it was. I didn't like it. You didn't like it.
47:46
Speaker 5: It's okay, that's what it is. Okay, but guess what
47:49
Speaker 5: that was yesterday? And that was twenty minutes ago. Because
47:51
Speaker 5: at the end of the day, I'm gonna still be
47:53
Speaker 5: here and you still gonna be there, And that's what
47:56
Speaker 5: it gonna be, straight up.
47:58
Speaker 6: You know, let's do this thing and be one hundred
48:00
Speaker 6: with it, because here's the thing.
48:03
Speaker 5: You cannot going back to what our topic was supposed
48:06
Speaker 5: to be about, how can a person give you something
48:08
Speaker 5: that they don't possess?
48:10
Speaker 6: You know, I can expect a lot of things out
48:14
Speaker 6: of you, But why you ain't ask that from the beginning.
48:17
Speaker 5: And here's the thing. A lot of times you can
48:19
Speaker 5: look at somebody saying, oh, yeah, that's it. They gonna
48:21
Speaker 5: make it. It's gonna be good.
48:22
Speaker 6: How you know, what you see is what you get.
48:26
Speaker 5: You saw what you was getting from the get go one,
48:28
Speaker 5: but because you thought it was gonna change nowaday we
48:32
Speaker 5: was all in with me, then you need to be
48:33
Speaker 5: all in with me now because I like what I'm doing,
48:36
Speaker 5: yes you know.
48:37
Speaker 6: And that's the whole thing.
48:38
Speaker 5: I always wanted somebody that wanted better, and I like
48:42
Speaker 5: the talk I can talk, and I like the talk
48:45
Speaker 5: because I want to remind myself of what I really
48:48
Speaker 5: like and what I want. I like a lot of things.
48:52
Speaker 5: I like classy things, and everything I like got a
48:54
Speaker 5: big number to it. But I need somebody to go
48:57
Speaker 5: have my back to help me get to that number.
49:00
Speaker 5: And if you get with a person and you know,
49:03
Speaker 5: the bedroom good, the facial and the figure is good,
49:07
Speaker 5: but that money ain't connecting.
49:10
Speaker 6: And you're looking like this is the best you can do.
49:13
Speaker 6: Oh okay, Now you got a decision to make.
49:16
Speaker 5: Do I want to stay in this area or can
49:18
Speaker 5: I talk to you and really find out where your
49:21
Speaker 5: mindset at me. And I tell y'all real quick, it's simple.
49:26
Speaker 5: There's a few qualities you got to really think about.
49:28
Speaker 5: And I was taught this a long time ago. Some
49:32
Speaker 5: stuff is gonna be too her. Some stuff you can
49:34
Speaker 5: get and you know where I'm at, and it won't wear.
49:37
Speaker 5: It's split and it won't tell. You can turn it
49:40
Speaker 5: upside down, it'll never lose a drop. You can't tell
49:43
Speaker 5: me now, man, the commission number two. If she one
49:48
Speaker 5: hundred with you, tell her truth, tell her what you
49:51
Speaker 5: like and what you want to do, and then how
49:53
Speaker 5: can we make this situation better?
49:55
Speaker 6: You know, are you planning to have what are your plans?
49:58
Speaker 6: What are your aspirations.
50:01
Speaker 5: Let's get with that part because the rest of it
50:04
Speaker 5: will come along because you can get whatever you need
50:08
Speaker 5: and she'll be that and he'll be that for you.
50:11
Speaker 6: But you got to tell him.
50:14
Speaker 5: All that, Jacob, to fake it and it's gonna get
50:16
Speaker 5: better if this is what it is, this is what
50:18
Speaker 5: it was, and this is what it's.
50:19
Speaker 6: Gonna be exactly exactly.
50:22
Speaker 3: And that's so true because you know, when you are
50:26
Speaker 3: dating a person, you see things and you either like them,
50:34
Speaker 3: or you don't, and so it's not that oh well,
50:38
Speaker 3: you know that maybe that was just something that I
50:42
Speaker 3: just saw or maybe that wasn't a real thing.
50:45
Speaker 4: No, that was the real thing. Because people only can
50:48
Speaker 4: fake it for so long.
50:50
Speaker 3: And so anytime you get with somebody, or you spend
50:54
Speaker 3: time with somebody, or you start to learn somebody, you
50:58
Speaker 3: see the thing in them that you like and that
51:02
Speaker 3: you dislike. And that's with any relationship, anytime that you
51:07
Speaker 3: connect yourself. But that's the problem because now it's not
51:10
Speaker 3: a thing where we're spending time to get to know
51:13
Speaker 3: each other. We're just trying to do what we do
51:15
Speaker 3: and keep it moving. But in order for your relationship
51:21
Speaker 3: to last, you have to spend time.
51:24
Speaker 5: Oh and you know what the other one is, Guys,
51:28
Speaker 5: you can always get in a relationship and sometimes and
51:30
Speaker 5: this is an either situation, male or female, you can
51:34
Speaker 5: get with somebody with a good mind and no mind,
51:41
Speaker 5: good behind and no mind. It's very rare you get both.
51:45
Speaker 5: But when you do, you mess it up most of
51:48
Speaker 5: the time because this is just too good to be true.
51:50
Speaker 5: So you got to know exactly where you at with it.
51:53
Speaker 5: But you talk first, and just know that if you
51:56
Speaker 5: talk you can see and find out everything you need
51:59
Speaker 5: to know and you can get that total package. And
52:03
Speaker 5: also remember this, look in the mirror at yourself and
52:07
Speaker 5: think and find out if you the total package.
52:09
Speaker 6: Yourself you feel and we tell her you feel me.
52:16
Speaker 3: So as I stated earlier, there was there was someone
52:24
Speaker 3: that is watching us, so shall watch us in a
52:27
Speaker 3: replay that really needed to hear what was being said.
52:32
Speaker 3: Because generally what we try to do is we try
52:34
Speaker 3: to come with at least a topic.
52:37
Speaker 4: That we know that will keep flow and keep it moving.
52:43
Speaker 3: And tonight our topic was when you know, what do
52:45
Speaker 3: you do when the other person is not able to
52:49
Speaker 3: give you what you really need? But we want you
52:55
Speaker 3: to understand that there's so much there's so many different
52:58
Speaker 3: facets to life. There's so many different facets to marriages.
53:03
Speaker 3: There's so many different things that we deal with as couples,
53:08
Speaker 3: and so we have to maintain our integrity. First of all,
53:14
Speaker 3: we have to be truth, be true to ourselves, be
53:17
Speaker 3: true to our partner, and understand that you have to
53:20
Speaker 3: be adults and have the hard conversation. Sometimes you have
53:23
Speaker 3: to just really lay it all out and put it
53:25
Speaker 3: on the table, knowing that truth will make you free.
53:30
Speaker 4: If you tell the truth. You can't get anything else
53:34
Speaker 4: out of that.
53:35
Speaker 3: You know, I tell people all the time, I've had
53:37
Speaker 3: somebody to say that, you know, I don't have friends.
53:39
Speaker 4: Because I tell the truth.
53:41
Speaker 3: And that might be truth, but one thing about it,
53:44
Speaker 3: you can't get anything else from the truth. The truth
53:47
Speaker 3: is the truth, and the truth is gonna stand. You know,
53:50
Speaker 3: you can outlive a lie, but the truth is what matters.
53:54
Speaker 3: And when your relationship and your marriage is built on truth,
53:58
Speaker 3: trust and love, you have a great foundation. So it's
54:04
Speaker 3: time for us to let the healing begin. We pray
54:07
Speaker 3: that there was something that was said here tonight that
54:10
Speaker 3: is going to help someone on their journey in this
54:13
Speaker 3: life called marriage. For those of you that are out
54:16
Speaker 3: there and you are dealing with little people and baby
54:20
Speaker 3: mama and baby daddy drama, listen, I'm a living witness
54:25
Speaker 3: that you can outlive all of that. If love is
54:28
Speaker 3: your foundation and the motivation in which you strive to
54:33
Speaker 3: keep your marriage together, God will keep it together for you.
54:37
Speaker 3: Build your marriage on a sure foundation, put God first, love,
54:44
Speaker 3: and make sure that you keep open lines of communication.
54:49
Speaker 4: Be true, and to thyself be true.
54:54
Speaker 3: Let the healing begin, and we will see you guys
54:56
Speaker 3: again on the first Sunday. We look forward to see
55:00
Speaker 3: and you back here at eight pm Eastern Standard Time.
55:04
Speaker 3: In the meantime, if you have anything that you would
55:07
Speaker 3: like to say to us, check us out, hit us up.
55:11
Speaker 4: On our email. Our email is let the Healing Begin
55:16
Speaker 4: in me at gmail dot com. Hey, come by see
55:24
Speaker 4: us and talk to us.
55:26
Speaker 3: We love the input, we love the communication, and most
55:29
Speaker 3: of all, we love being able to be the one
55:35
Speaker 3: to help you along in this journey.
55:37
Speaker 4: So let the healing begin. Until next time, We'll see
55:40
Speaker 4: you guys later.
55:42
Speaker 6: Have a great night.