Latest / Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast / 10 Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago

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10 Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago · Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

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  Speaker 1: Life audio What if you could go back ten years?
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  Speaker 1: Have you ever wished that you could go back ten
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  Speaker 1: years and whisper something life changing to your younger self?
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  Speaker 1: In this week's episode of Your Hope Filled Perspective podcast,
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  Speaker 1: in recognition of my birthday, this week, we are diving
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  Speaker 1: into ten powerful truths that I wish I had known
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  Speaker 1: long ago, Biblical insights, neuroscience backed wisdom and lessons God
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  Speaker 1: has taught me through some of the hardest seasons of
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  Speaker 1: my life. If you have ever wrestled with self doubt,
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  Speaker 1: carried the weight of other people's expectations, feared what others think,
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  Speaker 1: or wondered whether God was really working behind the scenes,
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  Speaker 1: this episode will speak straight to your heart. We are
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  Speaker 1: going to talk about rest, resilience, purpose, identity, joy, boundaries,
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  Speaker 1: emotional freedom, and how God faithfully redeems every part of
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  Speaker 1: our story. If you want encouragement, clarity, or a fresh
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  Speaker 1: start anchored in scripture and science, you're in the right place.
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  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Your Hope Filled Perspective, where it's always
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  Speaker 1: our goal to restore hope, renew minds, and empower listeners
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  Speaker 1: to live in your God given identity. I hope to
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  Speaker 1: equip you with the encouragement and biblical truth that you
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  Speaker 1: need to walk in hope. I'm your host, doctor Michelle Bankson, Author,
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  Speaker 1: speaker board, certified clinical neuropsychologist, and someone still learning to
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  Speaker 1: walk this journey one day at a time. Today we
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  Speaker 1: are going to talk about ten things I wish I
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  Speaker 1: knew ten years ago. We will dive right into that
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  Speaker 1: right after this brief word from our sponsor. Wisdom, peace
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  Speaker 1: and an emotional freedom you've been craving are closer than
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  Speaker 1: you think. In this episode of your Hope Filled Perspective,
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  Speaker 1: I'm sharing ten life changing lessons I wish I had
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  Speaker 1: known ten years ago, Truths grounded in scripture and supported
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  Speaker 1: by neuroscience that can transform your mental health, relationships, and
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  Speaker 1: spiritual resilience. We will explore the lives that steal our peace,
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  Speaker 1: the fears that hold us back, the pressure to please people,
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  Speaker 1: the exhaustion that comes from overfunctioning, and the joy that's
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  Speaker 1: available long before our circumstances ever change. Whether you're seeking hope, healing, clarity,
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  Speaker 1: or a renewed sense of purpose, you will find practical,
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  Speaker 1: faith filled insights that invite you into deeper rest and
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  Speaker 1: greater freedom. If you need a reminder that God is working,
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  Speaker 1: that you're not alone, and that your story still holds
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  Speaker 1: beauty and purpose. You will not want to miss this
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  Speaker 1: episode because this week is my birthday week. I've been reflecting,
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  Speaker 1: looking back over my shoulder at where God has brought me,
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  Speaker 1: and looking ahead with renewed hope. Birthdays have a way
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  Speaker 1: of inviting reflection, don't they. So today I want to
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  Speaker 1: share something personal with you. Ten things I wish I
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  Speaker 1: had known ten years ago. These are truths shaped by scripture,
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  Speaker 1: refined in the furnace of hardship, confirmed by neuroscience, and
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  Speaker 1: held tenderly by grace. My prayer, truly is that one
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  Speaker 1: of these truths will meet you exactly where you are today.
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  Speaker 1: So let's begin. Ten things I wish I had known
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  Speaker 1: ten years ago. Number one, I wish I had known
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  Speaker 1: God was not disappointed in me. Ten years ago, I
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  Speaker 1: live like God was grading me, observing every single misstep.
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  Speaker 1: I knew better theologically, but emotionally, I still tried to
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  Speaker 1: earn his delight. But here's what I've learned. God does
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  Speaker 1: not love reluctantly. He delights in his children. Think of
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  Speaker 1: zeph Andiah three seventeen. But furthermore, neuroscience shows that chronic
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  Speaker 1: self criticism activates the same neural circuits as physical pain.
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  Speaker 1: But grace, on the other hand, calms the fear centers
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  Speaker 1: of the brain. If I could tell my younger self anything,
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  Speaker 1: it would be this breath. God is not disappointed in you.
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  Speaker 1: The second thing I wish I knew ten years ago, well,
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  Speaker 1: I wish I had known rest wasn't something to earn.
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  Speaker 1: Rest felt indulgent ten years ago running a very busy
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  Speaker 1: private practice, raising two young boys, wife to my husband
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  Speaker 1: of twenty something years, and constantly on the go. Rest
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  Speaker 1: felt indulgent ten years ago, optional, like a reward after
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  Speaker 1: productivity once the work ended. The problem was the work
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  Speaker 1: never ended. It's a little bit like when you do laundry.
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  Speaker 1: You can't even really relish in the fact that the
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  Speaker 1: laundry is done, because ten minutes later there's invariably a
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  Speaker 1: towel or socks in the laundry, and for me, it
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  Speaker 1: felt like the work was never done. But neurologically, rest
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  Speaker 1: is where healing happens. Emotionally, rest is where perspective forms,
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  Speaker 1: and spiritually, rest is where trust grows. You see, I've
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  Speaker 1: learned rest is not a reward for finishing the work.
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  Speaker 1: It's part of the process of work. Rest is not
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  Speaker 1: a luxury. Rest is obedience. I wish I had known
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  Speaker 1: earlier that rest is not weakness, It's actually a form
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  Speaker 1: of worship. Number three, I wish I had known hardship
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  Speaker 1: would become holy ground. When I think back over the
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  Speaker 1: last decade, the pain, the losses, the unmet expectations, the
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  Speaker 1: unfortunate circumstances that were beyond my control. I would probably
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  Speaker 1: never have chosen some of those paths. But neuroscience tells
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  Speaker 1: us adversity, when processed with truth and support, creates stronger
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  Speaker 1: neural pathways of resilience. Scripture tells us that God work
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  Speaker 1: all things together for good. It might not always be
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  Speaker 1: the good that we are hoping for or expecting to see,
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  Speaker 1: but His ways are not our ways. His ways are
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  Speaker 1: higher than ours, and he knows best. If only I
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  Speaker 1: had known that hardship is never wasted, it might have
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  Speaker 1: spared me some fear, some panic, some sleepless nights, and
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  Speaker 1: instead renewed my peace, fostered perseverance, and encouraged my faith
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  Speaker 1: and in expectation of what God would do. This was
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  Speaker 1: one of the most hard fought lessons. But it's the
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  Speaker 1: one that I write about in my book Sacred Scars,
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  Speaker 1: resting in the promise that your past is not wasted. Friend,
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  Speaker 1: if you're in that spot, let me just encourage you
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  Speaker 1: to pick up a copy of Sacred Scars, because it
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  Speaker 1: really is my testimony of how I I've learned God
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  Speaker 1: doesn't waste anything. Now. The fourth lesson I wish I
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  Speaker 1: had known ten years ago was I wish I had
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  Speaker 1: known I didn't have to prove myself to anyone. Ten
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  Speaker 1: years ago, I expended far too much energy trying to
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  Speaker 1: be understood, appreciated, valued, found worthy, and declared to be enough.
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  Speaker 1: But approval of others is fleeting. It can shift with mood,
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  Speaker 1: season or misunderstanding. I've learned trying to live for the
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  Speaker 1: approval of people rewires the brain to depend on external validation,
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  Speaker 1: But living from God's approval rewires us for peace. If
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  Speaker 1: I could whisper to that younger woman, I would tell
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  Speaker 1: her you are already approved. Number five I wish I
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  Speaker 1: had known joy wasn't something I had to wait for.
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  Speaker 1: Back then, I was so busy, so preoccupied, so steadfast
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  Speaker 1: in trying to prove myself to others, and God that
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  Speaker 1: joy felt like a future destination, something I would reach
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  Speaker 1: once life settled down. Can I just let you in
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  Speaker 1: on a secret. In the past ten years, life hasn't
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  Speaker 1: settled down. It's just changed. But I have learned that
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  Speaker 1: joy is not circumstantial. Joy is relational. Joy is the
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  Speaker 1: awareness of God's presence with us. And here's fun fact.
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  Speaker 1: Neuroscience affirms that joy is tied to relational delight, not perfection.
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  Speaker 1: I wish I had embraced joy in the middle of
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  Speaker 1: imperfect seasons instead of waiting for the right pace, moment,
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  Speaker 1: or waiting to reach that destination that would bring joy. Friends,
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  Speaker 1: We're gonna take a real short break for a brief
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  Speaker 1: word firm message from our sponsor, and when we return,
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  Speaker 1: we will look at the last five things I wish
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  Speaker 1: that I had known ten years ago. We'll be right back.
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  Speaker 1: Before the break, we talked about the first five things
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  Speaker 1: I wish I had known ten years ago. Number one,
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  Speaker 1: I wish I had known God was not disappointed in me.
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  Speaker 1: Number two, I wish I had known rest wasn't something
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  Speaker 1: to earn. Number three I wish I had known hardship
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  Speaker 1: would become holy ground. Number four I wish I had
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  Speaker 1: known I didn't need to prove myself to anyone. And
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  Speaker 1: Number five I wish I had known joy wasn't something
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  Speaker 1: I had to wait for. Now, I want to turn
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  Speaker 1: our attention to the last five things I wish I
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  Speaker 1: had known. Number six, I wish I had known people
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  Speaker 1: aren't thinking about as nearly as much as we fear
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  Speaker 1: they are. All the energy I spent worrying about others' opinions,
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  Speaker 1: what they might think, what they might misunderstand, what they
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  Speaker 1: might assume, and wrapped up in that was my attempt
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  Speaker 1: to please people. But here's the truth, confirmed by psychology
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  Speaker 1: and by experience. People are far more occupied with their
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  Speaker 1: own lives, worries, and insecurities than they are with ours.
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  Speaker 1: Our brain are wired with a spotlight effect. It's a
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  Speaker 1: tendency to believe others are watching or judging us far
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  Speaker 1: more often than they actually are. I wish I had
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  Speaker 1: known sooner they're not thinking about you nearly as much
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  Speaker 1: as you think they are. It would have freed up
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  Speaker 1: so much mental real estate and given me the freedom
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  Speaker 1: to be me. Number seven I wish I had known
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  Speaker 1: saying no was sometimes the most loving thing I could do.
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  Speaker 1: Ten years ago, my yes came far too easily, often
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  Speaker 1: at the expense of rest, peace, and even obedience to God.
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  Speaker 1: Saying no felt like I would be disappointing others, failing
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  Speaker 1: to serve, or shrinking back. But here's what I know now.
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  Speaker 1: Every yes is also a no to something else, And
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  Speaker 1: sometimes the greatest act of love, both for yourself and
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  Speaker 1: the people counting on you, is to honor your limits.
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  Speaker 1: Boundaries don't really push people away. Boundaries make healthy connection possible.
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  Speaker 1: Wish I had known that earlier. Number eight. I wish
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  Speaker 1: I had known I didn't have to carry everything alone.
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  Speaker 1: In the last decade, I walked through seasons that felt
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  Speaker 1: heavier than I knew how to bear.
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  Speaker 2: Back.
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  Speaker 1: Then I believed I had to be strong. I believed
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  Speaker 1: I should handle everything myself. I believe that vulnerability was
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  Speaker 1: something to hide. But isolation amplifies emotional and sometimes physical pain.
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  Speaker 1: Neuroscience shows that the connection reduces stress hormones, stabilizes mood,
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  Speaker 1: and helps us process adversity and scripture. It tells us
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  Speaker 1: to bear one another's burdens. If I could revisit my
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  Speaker 1: younger self, I'd tell her, you don't have to be
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  Speaker 1: the strong one all the time. Let others in let
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  Speaker 1: them participate in the blessed of helping to carry your burdens.
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  Speaker 1: Number nine, I wish I had known God was working
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  Speaker 1: even when I couldn't see it. Ten years ago, there
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  Speaker 1: were prayers that I thought God had forgotten, dreams I
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  Speaker 1: had buried, and doors that remained shut, seasons when progress
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  Speaker 1: felt invisible. But now I can look back with clarity
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  Speaker 1: and say God was working all along, sometimes silently, sometimes slowly,
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  Speaker 1: but always faithfully. And neuroscience teaches us the change often
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  Speaker 1: happens beneath the surface, long before it becomes visible, much
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  Speaker 1: like how faith develops. I wish I had trusted the
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  Speaker 1: unseen work of God sooner. And Number ten, I wish
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  Speaker 1: I had known just how much gratitude would change my life.
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  Speaker 1: Gratitude always felt like a nice idea ten years ago,
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  Speaker 1: something good that Christians do that were commanded to do.
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  Speaker 1: But it didn't back then understand its power. But I've
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  Speaker 1: learned that. Neuroscience tells us that gratitude strengthens the prefrontal
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  Speaker 1: cortex of our brain. It calms the amigdalo, which is
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  Speaker 1: responsible for our emotional reactiveness in that bite, flight, or freeze.
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  Speaker 1: It increases the neurotransmitter's dopamine and serotonin, and I love
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  Speaker 1: this one. It rewires the brain toward hope. Spiritually, gratitude
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  Speaker 1: aligns our hearts with the truth of who God is
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  Speaker 1: and what He has already done. I wish I had
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  Speaker 1: known that gratitude wasn't a reaction just to blessings, it
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  Speaker 1: was actually a pathway to experiencing them, because what I
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  Speaker 1: have found is that the more we practice attitude, the
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  Speaker 1: more God actually opens our eyes to more things that
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  Speaker 1: are already around us for which we can be grateful.
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  Speaker 1: What I know now and what I desire for you
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  Speaker 1: to know too, looking back over the past decade, Here's
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  Speaker 1: what I know now. God is not disappointed in you.
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  Speaker 1: Rest is required, not earned. Hardship becomes holy ground. You
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  Speaker 1: don't need to prove yourself to others. Joy is available today.
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  Speaker 1: It's not a destination. People think about you far less
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  Speaker 1: than you fear they do. No is sometimes the most
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  Speaker 1: loving answer we can offer. You don't have to carry
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  Speaker 1: this life alone. God is working even when you can't
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  Speaker 1: see it, and gratitude transforms everything and overarching all of it.
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  Speaker 1: You are loved, you are seen, you are held, and
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  Speaker 1: God is far more faithful than you have yet discovered. Friends,
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  Speaker 1: I want to encourage you to do something today. Take
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  Speaker 1: five minutes ask yourself, what do I wish I had
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  Speaker 1: known ten years ago? Write it down, pray over it,
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  Speaker 1: and maybe consider sharing it with someone who needs the
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  Speaker 1: wisdom you've earned. Let me pray for you, Father. Thank
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  Speaker 1: you for being so faithful in every season. Thank you
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  Speaker 1: that you waste nothing for the listener who feels tired, discouraged,
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  Speaker 1: or unsure. Would you remind them that they are deeply loved,
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  Speaker 1: fully accepted, and never alone. Help us to embrace the
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  Speaker 1: truths we've learned and give us the courage to walk
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  Speaker 1: into the next season with hope, confidence and your peace.
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  Speaker 1: Because of and in the Holy name of Jesus, I
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  Speaker 1: pray amen. Friends, thank you for joining me on this
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  Speaker 1: birthday episode of your Hope Filled Perspective. If this episode
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  Speaker 1: encouraged you, would you share it with someone who may
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  Speaker 1: need hope today? And if I could be so bold
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: as a birthday gift to me, would you consider subscribing
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: to your Hope Build Perspective podcast and my follow up
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: blog post so that you never miss the hope filled
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  Speaker 1: encouragement that I work so hard to deliver to you
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  Speaker 1: each week until next time, friend, may you find rest
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  Speaker 1: for your soul, joy in His presence, and confidence in
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  Speaker 1: God who goes before you. I'll look forward to being
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  Speaker 1: with you again next week, and until then, it's my
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  Speaker 1: prayer for you that you have a hope filled week.
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  Speaker 2: Your ragged and torn past may be the key to
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  Speaker 2: God's future for you. We all endure trials, pain, and
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  Speaker 2: hardship in this life. Too often we believe these experiences
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  Speaker 2: disqualify us from being useful to God. But the truth
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  Speaker 2: is your past pain and brokenness serve as preparation for
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  Speaker 2: what God wants to do in and through you, if
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  Speaker 2: you will surrender to contrust Him in sacred scars. Neuropsychologist
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  Speaker 2: and fellow sufferer, doctor Michelle Thankson helps you understand the
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  Speaker 2: suffering from a biblical perspective, discover how the trials of
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  Speaker 2: your life serve a purpose, reflect on the healing that
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  Speaker 2: God has accomplished, and comfort others, but the comfort God
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  Speaker 2: has given you, just as Jesus's scars didn't disappear after
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  Speaker 2: his resurrection and confirmed that he was who he said
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  Speaker 2: he was and that he did what he said he'd do,
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  Speaker 2: are emotional for physical scars tell our story and lend
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  Speaker 2: credence to our testimony of God's love and power. If
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  Speaker 2: you are ready to turn your past pain into present
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  Speaker 2: comfort and future hope, let doctor Benkson be your compassionate guide.
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  Speaker 2: Jill Savage, host of the No More Perfect podcast and
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  Speaker 2: author of No More Perfect Marriages, have this to say
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  Speaker 2: about Sacred Scars. While we wish for a pain free life,
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  Speaker 2: the dark seasons are where God invites us into the
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  Speaker 2: most growth. In the pages of this book, you will
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  Speaker 2: come to understand how God uses pain in powerful ways.
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  Speaker 2: If you're human, you need this book. Pick up a
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: copy of Sacred Scars wherever books are sold, and watch
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: God turn your pain into purpose.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you for joining doctor bankson to your hope build perspective.
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  Speaker 3: We hope you are encouraged by her authenticity, vulnerability, and
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  Speaker 3: biblical truths. If you enjoy today's conversation. When you take
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: a moment right now, open up your podcast app and
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  Speaker 3: with them. If you have a comment, question, or suggest
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: a topic for a future show. Reach out to our
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: staff at info at Hope Prevails dot org For additional resources.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Information about doctor Bankson's books where free downloads, or to
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: contact her to speak at your next event, please visit
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: doctor Michelbe dot com. Until next time, May you have
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: a hope filled week.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I'd like to take just a second to thank the
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio dot com, you'll
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