Latest / The Breakfast Club / INTERVIEW: Devale & Khadeen Ellis On Vulnerability, Connecting With Their Audience, Role-play Disasters + More

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INTERVIEW: Devale & Khadeen Ellis On Vulnerability, Connecting With Their Audience, Role-play Disasters + More · The Breakfast Club

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Breakfast Club.
• 0:04
  Speaker 3: Ye's the most dangerous morning to show to Breakfast Club.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: Charlamagnea god, just hilarious, envyous out but law and Ross
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: and we got some special guests. Uh, The Vall and
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: Kadeen Ellis are here. Good morning, my people, Blessed Black
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: and Holly Favor.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: How y'alleel.
• 0:19
  Speaker 4: I'm happy to be back home.
• 0:22
  Speaker 5: It's a globe that I feel like I have the
• 0:24
  Speaker 5: minute I hit the Guardia Airport.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: It's just being back home in Brooklyn. I feel like
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: it brings us to life again, New York room. I do.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: I do have enough to move back to.
• 0:38
  Speaker 5: Come and get my little fixed, you know, get my
• 0:41
  Speaker 5: baking nugg and cheese like I get.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: I get back there.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: You go, there you go. Now, y'all are here for
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: a bunch of different things.
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: But y'all rebranded the Dead Ass Podcast to Ellis ever
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: after discussed discussed the growth for that title.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well it was it was a lot for us.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: So when we first started that Ass podcast, it was just,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: you know, it was like we were joking about versus
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: women and what husbands feel versus wives feel. But over
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: the course of six years, we watched how that kind
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: of exploded on the internet, And we don't want to
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: take credit for being a reason why there's a man
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: versus women debate, but the shit is annoying. Yeah, we
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: kind of just feel like we want to put out
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: content that people can say, let's elevate and move forward.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about topics that really affect us. For example,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: we we will take credit for this. In twenty seventeen,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: we've blogged our third son being born at home right,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: and we've blogged the whole process for about six months,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: and a new study came out that as of twenty eighteen,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: home births in black community have gone up, and we
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: feel like that's a direct correlation for us showing young
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: black girls like there's a different option. And the reason
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: why that happened was because with our first child, we
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: almost lost k and she had to have twenty four
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: stitches of survven my bad, let me not take me. Yeah,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: she had to have emergency surgery right after pregnancy. And
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: we did a lot of studies on black maternal health
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: and were like, let's just use our platform to focus
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: on positive So we said ELI several after was to
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: change because this is us after we've evolved as humans
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: on the therapy, working on being a better couple, working
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: on being a better people. So that's what it's about.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: So had nothing to do a moving out of New
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: York and not even using the term dead ass no.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: More were still.
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: And the crazy part about it, we had to fight
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: for the name dead Ass initially because you know, if
• 2:23
  Speaker 5: you're not from New York and if you're at these
• 2:24
  Speaker 5: companies that have you know, mostly white folks that we
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: don't know what that means. How will we ever get
• 2:30
  Speaker 5: ad dollars behind a name like that? They're not going
• 2:32
  Speaker 5: to subscribe to that.
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: So there was a lot of explaining that had to
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: be done. But we start, we stayed true to it.
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: I think part of us really didn't want to detach
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: from that New York persona for a long time, but
• 2:43
  Speaker 5: it's time.
• 2:44
  Speaker 6: I do like that.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Who made that exectively, I'll take credit for it, but
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: we always do everything collective, even dead Ass, Like we
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: sit down and talk about it and we're like, what
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: you think about this? What you think about that. We
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: had a couple of the options. We also liked House
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: of Ellis. We liked that list of a rafter because
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: it was the evolution of after what after all the bullshit,
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, after all the talking about
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: what we had to do to get to this point,
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: and if you ever followed us, that's what we're known for.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: We're honest about what we've been doing, what we've done.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: We don't hold back, So tell us what we want
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: to keep doing.
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: Three years in the game, almost fifteen married. Yeah, you know,
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: people have literally watched us over the past maybe what
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: decade on social media, just putting our life out there,
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: sharing with people and hoping people can relate.
• 3:29
  Speaker 7: Y'all are definitely the rougherence point for a lot of
• 3:31
  Speaker 7: people because even my son's dad Rome, Oh my god,
• 3:35
  Speaker 7: my first done.
• 3:36
  Speaker 6: My first son's dad man, he man you and you
• 3:38
  Speaker 6: got to listen with this one, y'all.
• 3:41
  Speaker 7: Even y'all shows. He follows everything y'all doing. He has
• 3:45
  Speaker 7: five kids by five different you know minds, you know,
• 3:49
  Speaker 7: and he likes to he'll listen to one of y'all
• 3:52
  Speaker 7: poll gusts and he'll be calling them telling him no, no, no,
• 3:56
  Speaker 7: because with developing coady said Dave David, you know, and
• 3:59
  Speaker 7: while he gets home, creates a lot of arguments, but
• 4:02
  Speaker 7: he hain't the developed type.
• 4:13
  Speaker 6: You just tell him listen to the podcast.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I don't try to preach you ain't, but it's.
• 4:18
  Speaker 8: Right because y'all real life though, like y'all the way
• 4:20
  Speaker 8: you've been going through stuff on y'all. I watched y'all
• 4:22
  Speaker 8: channel a lot. Way y'all deal with stuff. Y'all were
• 4:24
  Speaker 8: the first time that I saw a young black couple
• 4:26
  Speaker 8: that was still like regular, like.
• 4:30
  Speaker 9: And like, I was like, oh, they probably hang U.
• 4:31
  Speaker 9: I will go at and stuff like that.
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: And we still do. Yeah, we walk around and people
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: be like, why y'all without security? Why y'all? And I'm like,
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: cause it's my hood, Like what you mean?
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 4:41
  Speaker 8: I felt like he could relate to y'all because that's
• 4:44
  Speaker 8: like a big thing for your audience.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I will say this about Room, like the vow now,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: wasn't the the vour when I first started. Okay, the
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: divour when I first started was probably close to the
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: room I was. I don't know him, but I was immature.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I lacked emotional intelligence. I didn't understand you know what.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: But I take pride in showing the growth because I
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: don't want anyone to ever be like I got to
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: be perfect to be accepted. Nahu all that I was
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: never perfect. I'm not perfect. I'm a fuck up again.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Hopefully y'all give me grace if I fuck up. You
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. That's what I want people to
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: walk around the earth feeling like you don't got to
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: be perfect for people to just accept you. And if
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: you expecting everybody to accept you, that's a problem anyway.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: No, to be honest, we almost just didn't do the
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: podcast anymore.
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: So last February we had a bunch of live, sold
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: out shows Apollo.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: It was like historic, it was great. So we're like,
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: you know what, why don't we go out on a high?
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: You know, we did all we've done.
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: I feel like we've spoken aloud, you know, dealt with
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: our issues publicly as a form of therapy through the podcast, right,
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: and we felt like we've done all we had to
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: do in the podcast space, and people literally like, you
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: guys cannot do this.
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: And to your point, we meet people on the.
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: Regular the airport, random places and they're like, y'all can't
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: stop doing this because you have saved my marriage or
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: you've showed me that I'm able to open up to
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: my partner and bring up these topics that are once
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: taboo or uncomfortable to discuss, you know, and people say,
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: if they wanted the value, you have to be a
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: Kadeen and vice versa.
• 6:18
  Speaker 10: So tell Row make sure that he's on the straight
• 6:21
  Speaker 10: and era.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: And I think one thing that is great about what
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: y'all do is just open lines of communication. That's it now,
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: regardless if you're in a you want to start a podcast,
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: that's what you should have with your partner.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: If y'all want to just.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: Sit in y'all living room every day and say, Okay,
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: we're gonna talk for two hours, but we're going to talk.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: We may not recording and put it out, they're going
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: to talk. It's just about.
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: Communication encouraging that absolutely.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: And you know what's funny, most people when we first
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: started the podcast thought it was so crazy. Y'all talk
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: to each other. And I'm like, you talk about sex,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: you talk about money, you talk or how could.
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: You talk to her like that? Like people were offended.
• 6:57
  Speaker 8: For me, they felt like you were like the super controlling,
• 7:04
  Speaker 8: like arrogant this is all about me.
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: And I'm from it, but I get it right.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: And I had to accept that because you have to
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: show people over time, right. You can't expect people when
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: you first put something out to say know who I am.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: It took years. We did our podcast for seven years
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: fifteen seasons, won a Webby Award, but it took time.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: In the beginning, it was so much like pushback of
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: the arrogant, the violent asshole. He always talks down. But
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: what I realized they weren't used to seeing an educated
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: black man speak about his emotions. And it triggered a
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: lot of women. You know what I'm saying, Like that's
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: the fact, Like I'm not going to sit back here
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: and not say what I need and require, because I'm
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: also going to ask her what she needs and require,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: and I'm going to deliver on that. But now this
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: is my turn to talk about it. And a lot
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: of people didn't like it. But now it's come more normalized.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Like I used to when we lived in New York,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I heard Charlamagne every morning talk about mental health. My
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: sons now know about mental health. It's not taboo anymore,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: and they speak their feelings. Mom, I don't feel good
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: about this. I'm nervous about that. Now we want to
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: keep showing young men like that's okay.
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: You know what, especially within our community, black men and
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: women are always pitted against each other. And if we
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: want our black men to open up to us, why
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: not create a space for them to do that. So
• 8:16
  Speaker 5: I'm like, Devout, I want you to be honest with me.
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: It doesn't have to be a little honesty, but I
• 8:21
  Speaker 5: want you to be honest and transparent about how you feel,
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: because I'm not trying to guess. Like, the good thing
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: about Deval and I for the years that we've been
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: together is that we've always given each other a choice,
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: and the choice happens because we are fully communicative about
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: the things that we want and need.
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: So every morning I wake up with the choice to
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: be here, and I decide to be here. And it's
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: been working for us.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: You know, y'all been together twenty two years. Me and
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: my wife been together twenty six to be twenty seven.
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: I want to ask the ball, when did you and
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: it's gonna sound crazy to some people listening, when did
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: you realize Kadeen was a safe space for you to
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: be your absolute most vulnerableness.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's a good question. And I always preface I'm
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: a preface by saying this. The first five years of
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: our marriage was terrible, right, And it wasn't terrible for
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: the reasons people think it was terrible. People automatically assume
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: it's terrible because of infidelity or money, But that wasn't it.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: It was terrible because I did not feel safe telling
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: her how I felt about things, so I bottled it up.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I suppressed it. I would go in the bathroom, sit
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: on the toilet, turned the shower, and I'd be crying,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: trying to figure out where, you know, what I was
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: going to do with my life. Because I just come
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: from being in the NFL making a lot of money.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I had to start all over again, and I felt
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: like less of a man. But I can't tell that
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: to my wife. And it was one day she was
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: pregnant with Cairo, and I had said to her, we
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: were having a whole argument about stuff, and I was
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: just at the point, and you know how it is
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: when you're a man, you get to the point where
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: you just don't care no more. I was done. We
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: was getting divorced, and I was like, you know what,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: you lazy, don't You don't trust me, you don't believe
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: in me, don't do all this and She's like, if
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: I'm not lazy, I'm fucking pregnant. And I was like,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: the hormones, like the attitude, like the nausea. She was like,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I was trying to find a way to surprise you
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: and tell you. And I said, well, why didn't you
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: just tell me? And then when I said why didn't
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: you just tell me? It hit me. Why don't I
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: just tell her what I'm going through? That was the
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: moment I wrote about it in our book We over
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Meet New York Times best seller, by the Way, But
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: it was that moment I said to her, why don't
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: you just tell me? And then it was like, why
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: don't you tell her? And from that moment on it
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: was twenty and sixteen. The minute I feel something sometimes
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: she don't be in a mood. I was like, yo,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: we gotta sit on talk and she'd be like, and
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I tell her. And the minute we've done, we've made
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: a decision that we're not going to argue about it.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: We're not gonna harbor no resentment. If we don't agree.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: We don't agree. But that's how I feel, this is
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: how you feel, and we work towards, you know, being better.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: That's why I asked, because it doesn't matter how long
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: you're with a person, and it don't have anything don't
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: do with you.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: It really just us as men. Absolutely, when do we realize, Okay,
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: this is a safe space.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: Is this woman that I have devoted my life to
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: the mother and my children is a safe space for me.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: It's hard for men to find safe spaces. Man, we don't.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I can't even find safe spaces amongst my boys. Forget
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: a woman. If I go to tell my homeboy that
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling a way nigga, you soft jazz, and it's like,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: am I you know what I'm saying? You asking? Am
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I you know what I am? Let me tough en up.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: So if my homies feel like that about me, I
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: can't tell my girl I'm going through it. It took maturity.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: It took me to realize that I chose this woman
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: and she chose me to spend the rest of our
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: lives together. What my homies think don't matter, what the
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: world think don't matter as long as we can get
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: on the same page. So she's always the first person
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I go to now. But it wasn't always like that,
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: and that's when we struggled the most.
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's a resilience there because think about it,
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: we could have thrown in the towel a long time ago.
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: So when we meet people now and they're dating phases
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: and they're just like, what should we do?
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: They're writing for advice on the podcast all the time, and.
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: We're just like, I feel like this generation at least
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: coming up, nobody wants to put the work in. Nobody
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: wants to tough things out, Nobody wants to be honest.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: You show up as a representative of yourself and you're
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: expecting someone to be honest with you. You know, it's
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: really hard out there.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: So we went through that.
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: Together, and it was hard as individuals trying to grow
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: at seventeen, eighteen years old.
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: Now we hit the fourth floor, y'all, you know, forty one.
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: It's like so many years of trying to grow together,
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: to respect each other's space, figure out who we are,
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: grow as individuals, raise children at the same time. I mean,
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: when I look back on our years, it's it's insane.
• 12:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 12:28
  Speaker 7: I love how transparent y'all are with the public and
• 12:32
  Speaker 7: even with y'all fans, Like you know, y'all built so
• 12:35
  Speaker 7: it's like a fan base for like marriages and you
• 12:37
  Speaker 7: know people who been even divorced, like look for y'all,
• 12:41
  Speaker 7: look to y'all for advice because y'all put it out there,
• 12:43
  Speaker 7: the highs and the lows.
• 12:44
  Speaker 6: Right. How do y'all handle disagreements in front of your kids?
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: Though?
• 12:47
  Speaker 7: Because if y'all y'all real with us, right, how is it?
• 12:50
  Speaker 7: And then you know, parents, you got two types of
• 12:54
  Speaker 7: like situations like that. A lot of parents don't like
• 12:56
  Speaker 7: their kids to see them like it's not realistic.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Though, So we handle disagreements as a family spot on.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: If we disagree on something and the kids are there,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: we're going to have a discussion. And the minute we
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: have a discussion, I will go to Jackson and say,
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: you see how I spoke to your mom? You see
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: how I don't got to be disrespectful. You see how
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: I don't got to raise my voice. Do you understand
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: what it means to have empathy towards someone who thinks
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: differently than you? And they be like, yeah, I see it,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, now I understand this. Me and your
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: mom may disagree, but that's my wife. Because they going
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: to be somebody's husbands someday. They have to see what
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: it's like. So I never wanted to put my kids
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: in a situation where I was. My parents never argued
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: in front of me, but then they would go in
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: the room and be screaming and hollering. I'd be like, yo,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: what is going on? Then your pops come out. You're
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: like that, why are you talking to mom like that?
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: He looking at you, like, boy, that's my wife. I'm checking.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I'm like all. But then that didn't give me any
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: emotional maturity to deal with my wife for the first
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: five years. So there was a couple of days where
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: I came home and I was making making money, she
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: wasn't working, and the fool wasn't ready because she had accident.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what's going on? Because I'm thinking that this
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: is what a man is supposed to be, and she
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: was like, from well, that's not the response.
• 14:11
  Speaker 10: Starts to go in.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: It just started to realize that that's what that wasn't
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: the way like the stuff that we saw growing up,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: and we just felt like if I emulate this, I'll
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: be successful. Wasn't making me feel good.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: We didn't know no better we did it.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: I mean that's what you was learning from just observing,
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: like there's no manual that comes with any of it.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: That's why, you know, I give my father a lot
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: of grace because when me and my father had a
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: real conversation and he told me about his mental health
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: issues and I knew about his substance, it just made
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: me realize, Oh, he just the man trying to figure
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: it out, like I was.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Two months ago.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: My dad stayed with us to help with the Oh yeah,
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: that's a story.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: And I'm gonna try to talk about this without crying
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: because I watched my dad and my mom came and
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: it was the same thing happened, and my dad was
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: kind of short with my mom and I was in
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: the car, and now I'm grown, so I'm and my
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: dad gets short with my mom and I'm like, yo,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: you having a little tantrum for no reason. I need
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: to chill right, And my dad looking at me like, nigga,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: I'm still your pops. But he's still like, you know what.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: We talk about this later. We go in the living
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: room and we have like a three hour conversation, and
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: just like your dad, he was telling me all the
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: things he'd been through, all his fears, all his worries,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: and for the first time I saw my father as
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: a human and I said, Yo, you were just trying
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: to do that. You got married at twenty one, you
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: had me at twenty two to my brother at twenty four. Wow,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Like who taught you? My grandfather was an army guy,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: didn't talk much. You know what I'm saying, Dudes, I
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: say not as I do, following my lead, like nobody spoke.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: So after speaking to my father, man, my heart got
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: so big because I saw him as a person, like
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: now he' my dude. Now like, yo, pops, just talk.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: And here's the funny part. He said to me at
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: the end of it, I got to be better for
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: your mom. I was like, that's why I said, I'm
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: trying to do it, not cry, because my mom is
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: my heart. You know, you grow up in the house
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: and you my mom's small on status. She's five too,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: and my dad is six footy, big right, And I
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: see sometimes my mom's be like I'm like dealing with
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: him today. And I told her my mom don't have
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: a voice in his house because sometimes you don't give
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: her a voice. And he looked at me and said,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do better for your mom and for the
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: rest of the week I saw him try. Now, he
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: still had to slip ups like we all do, like
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I do, you know, but he tried, and I was like,
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: this is making me feel good because it's not always
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: about paying it forward. Sometimes you got paid back. Teach
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: that generation how we do things now, and he's open
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: to it.
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: Our podcast even we meet people who are older than
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: us and they will be like, wow, you guys.
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: You guys are younger, but you guys are talking about
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: things that I've experienced my entire life. We've actually opened
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: up the gates for discussions too. With my side of
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: family as well. I've been from a careeran household, like
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: having discussions about how you feel about things like that
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: wasn't really a thing. And my mom has opened up
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: to her son, she hasn't even opened up to me.
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: I feel like as a family unit, intergenerationally, we're starting
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: to just heal so that way we can pass sat
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: down to our boys, you know, and to piggyback off
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: of deval with your question, Jess. They see sometimes the disagreements,
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: but there's such an abundance of love in our house
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: that we sometimes.
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: Get flat for about you know, grabbing my ass or
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: you know, walking past.
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: And kissing and you know kiro our second, So we'll
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: be like getting away from each other. But the love
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: is so abundant that the moments that we may have disagreements,
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: it far is like outweighed by what they see between
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: mom and dad and.
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: The love that we share.
• 17:28
  Speaker 8: Now, you said that your mother in law's talking to
• 17:30
  Speaker 8: you now like differently, now, like what are the conversations
• 17:33
  Speaker 8: like now at this stage of the of the marriage.
• 17:36
  Speaker 9: This is where they were.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Prior once again understanding where to meet my mother in law.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: My mother in law is a West Indian woman from Jamaica,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: came here when she was seventeen. There's a lot of
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: intersectionality between West Indian people and American people, right, but
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: there's also a lot of disconnect right coming here, a
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: lot of West Indian people just thought that Americans were
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: lazy because we wouldn't do the jobs that they were
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: willing to come over here and do. And I had
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: to explain to her I thought process as black Americans
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: and what we fought for, but us even talking about
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: history as black people led to me understanding like why
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: did you come here? She's I came here from seventeen
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: from Jamaica looking for a better life. I came here
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: by myself, had to live with my mom's friends. If
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I came home late from working at Burger King, I
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: had to sleep in the hallway on the floor because
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: they thought that I was out gallivanting. I started to
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: see her. When I started to see her and realize
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: who she was and realized how she protected the things
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: she loved, I understood why she was so hard on
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: me when I was coming after and courting her daughter.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: So once I was able to put my wall down
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: because I saw her, I was able to understand. And
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: then once I put my wall down, she put hers.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: And now in the house. That's my biggest ally because
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: when she's my mother in law will be like Kadeen,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: when that last time me going on the dates, it
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: be like I'll have the kids. She'll tell her like, yo,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: go put on something nice, go take And I'm like,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: this is the things that when people people need to
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: see that because we hear all of the messed up
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: stuff you live with your in laws that'shit crazy. And
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but maybe it's not. Because maybe I
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: could take my wife on a date because the grandkids
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: are taken care of by their grandparents and people that
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I never thought about it like that, Yeah, their grandparents.
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you're able to survive. That's why we're here today,
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: you know, back home.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: Also, man, just everything I'm here to just just have
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: conversations with your parents, have conversations with your in laws,
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: like they had a life before they were yours, and
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: there's so much you can learn from that about where
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: you are.
• 19:30
  Speaker 7: Yes, absolutely, I look more about her by speaking to
• 19:34
  Speaker 7: her parents.
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think we worried about that in the book
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: as well.
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: By speaking to the in laws, you're able to kind
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: of get a better understanding of your spouse and the
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: things that make them tick and why they are the
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: way they are. There's certain things about develop like oh
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: that was a.
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: Direct correlation between what happened with your mom or why
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: your dad.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Is the way he is.
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: So it's just about getting to have a better understanding
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: across the board.
• 19:53
  Speaker 8: I watched you on The Lover's Yeah. One of the
• 19:58
  Speaker 8: things that y'all talked about. I was like, you guys
• 20:01
  Speaker 8: are so honest about this. The conversation when he wanted
• 20:05
  Speaker 8: you to dress up like the main Yeah, it was
• 20:07
  Speaker 8: a maz right.
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it'd be a different character.
• 20:09
  Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, because it but when you said that, you
• 20:14
  Speaker 8: like y'all were talking about the fact that when he
• 20:15
  Speaker 8: actually do it, he was like, I don't really know
• 20:17
  Speaker 8: about that, but we can meet in the middle.
• 20:19
  Speaker 9: And he was like, no, this is what I want.
• 20:21
  Speaker 8: And I'm like, Yo, if I had that conversation in
• 20:23
  Speaker 8: my group chat, my friends probably would hate my person
• 20:26
  Speaker 8: after that because they would feel like, hold on, what's
• 20:28
  Speaker 8: going on here? Because you should be able to make
• 20:30
  Speaker 8: your choices. But for you, it was like, well, I
• 20:32
  Speaker 8: want to make sure that my men, you know what
• 20:34
  Speaker 8: I mean, Like.
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: Because who are we trying to appease the group chat
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: or man?
• 20:37
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I'm saying but even talking about that publicly, I
• 20:40
  Speaker 8: was like, oh, like they y'all be really getting to
• 20:42
  Speaker 8: the ships.
• 20:43
  Speaker 6: Well, Lauren, don't she don't have a man.
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: Like the group chat.
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: She was with girls this weekend in Atlanta. We had
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: the Black Podcast Festival. She was surrounded by and she
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: went to Magic City got with a scripple.
• 21:06
  Speaker 8: Like you said, do you guys discuss how far you're
• 21:10
  Speaker 8: going to go in those real conversations, because getting into
• 21:12
  Speaker 8: the bedroom, I was like, dang, nothing's off limits.
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: I mean really Yeah, everything's pretty much been on the
• 21:17
  Speaker 5: table with us, like there's nothing that's and we feel
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: like if we show up as our true shelves, nobody
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: could hold nothing against me, nobody.
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: There's no room for you to create a narrative.
• 21:26
  Speaker 5: You know. It's funny we have with the evolution of
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: the podcast now a new segment that we've introduced that
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: people are loving so far, and it's called op or
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: no op, and it's pretty much do you have an
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: opinion about this better?
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: Or do you not? Okay?
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: So we've realized that with social media, everybody got a phone,
• 21:45
  Speaker 5: everybody got so everybody got an opinion sometimes about things
• 21:48
  Speaker 5: you have nothing, no knowledge about, no facts, no expertise,
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: but everybody wants to comment on something. So we're trying
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: to now push forward about the bat the sexes is done.
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: Now we're trying to push forward, thinking to myself, do
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: I am I a sound mind? Do I have the
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: facts to be able to comment on something and have
• 22:11
  Speaker 5: an opinion? Or can I just let some things go?
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: You know, like let's start that as a culture, we
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: don't always have to have an opinion about something.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like you don't.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: I don't need to know if you think you can
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: be the gorilla's.
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: Doing that, Like, what do I think about? I don't
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: know what's the scenario of this is happening right now?
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Anything in and the Barack Obama stuff.
• 22:33
  Speaker 6: Oh and Kanye said, you know he was talking his
• 22:35
  Speaker 6: cousin's pens.
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: Somebody.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: How you feel about that? I don't feel about about Kanye.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I'll go do interviews, I'll go do press, and it'll
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: be pressed about the book, right And the first thing
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: I sit down is like, you have a book coming out,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Kanye West said, And I'm like, what the fuck does
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: that with my here? And they like, what do you
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: think about it? Don't think about it?
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: Then?
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Until you told me about it, I didn't know what happened,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: So I don't have an opinion on it. And it's
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: like you don't get from that he was, because let's
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: think about the world.
• 23:11
  Speaker 10: I wouldn't.
• 23:16
  Speaker 8: I would coming on the family tip like, well, Kanye
• 23:18
  Speaker 8: said he can't see his kids because he came out.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I would have asked, well, I mean that's that's how
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: they tried to like yeah, but ultimately is clickbait because
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: what they wanted was to be like d Val talks
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: about Kanye Yep, that's ultimately what they wanted. So we're
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: trying to create a trend where it's like, say, for example,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: sel Main just asked anything about it, and then the
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: interview goes, I don't have an opinion.
• 23:37
  Speaker 6: And then now you're disappointed.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want to talk about that. I don't
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: want to talk about any of that. I do want
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: to bring up something though, what's that? Because Lauren brought
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: up about the sex thing, and I do want to
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: bring up this point. Right, if a man says this
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: is what I required, this is what I want. The
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: first thing in the group chat all the girl is
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: not you should be able to have a choice, right,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: But as her husband, I asked her, what do you want?
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: What you required? In the minute she says what she
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: wants to require. There's no negotiating. So for us, what
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: we're trying to show people is that there doesn't have
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: to be a battle of the sexist. She said that
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: her man wants this, she's gonna do it. He said,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: his wife wants this, he's gonna.
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: Do Why would we not want to do that for
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: each other.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: I'm not pledging allegiance to my gender. I'm pledging allegiance
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: to my partner, like this is make sure I get
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: that on Camelon what I'm saying when I've seen that,
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: my God, make sure you get that and make sure
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: you're zooming real quick what I said again, because I'm
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: not pledging allegiance to my gender, pledging allegiance to my
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: partner partner.
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: But no.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: But seriously, though, that's why it's easy for me to
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: just be honest, because it's just like if your boys
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: are upset, man, you said that, yeah, so like we
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: ain't working, Like, well, you're not gonna do nothing for me,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: so yeah, so my wife wants this. This is what
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I'm doing.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I could if you let me, do you like.
• 25:22
  Speaker 8: What happens in those moments though, where you or her
• 25:25
  Speaker 8: are like yeah no, but I'm just sitting on it.
• 25:27
  Speaker 9: I don't want to do that.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Then we talk about it and see there's been times.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: There's been times like I'm like, yo, yo, you ain't
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: gonna dress up. She's just like.
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: I'm like word raine check check, like range check rae.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: But then in the morning, I'm gonna wake up and
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be get a tap and I'm gonna open
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: my eyes and she's gonna be in that nurse outfit
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: or something, because sometimes she's not. We don't understand that.
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: Man, business is this stuff going on?
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: You know you ain't trying to the night? Okay, there
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: go the rest of our life.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Bro.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like it's never a
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: deal breaker, Like if you wan't doing this tonight, then
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: you want to be a problem. You don't want to
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: dress up tonight? Fine, well sometimes she'll be like, you
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: know what, I ain't dressed up tonight, but I'm gonna
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: bless you though, and ill dress up tomorrow. You know
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying that we talked about.
• 26:14
  Speaker 6: You know, has there ever been a role that you
• 26:17
  Speaker 6: ain't want to play? Like I ain't doing that.
• 26:18
  Speaker 9: That's not not.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: I got I got stories, bro, anything like it was like,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: you haven't dressed like a white girl, and he dressed
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: up like the black guy like doctor she was. I
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: was doctor Umar and my bad Doctor Umar. I know
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: that's not sacrilegious to me. I don't want to go
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: that would actually be a really good role player, you
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying.
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: I just want to California.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, I know that's what he was doing.
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: Bro. I was very specific, what did you ask for?
• 26:53
  Speaker 10: It was like, down to a detail.
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: I had color contacts, and I think I had done
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: like a photo shoot or something.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: This is fun this is funny, right, she had did
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: a photo shoot with you now, but she had on
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: these hazel colored contexts on this big curly.
• 27:05
  Speaker 10: Like yeah, it was a big looked like different.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: She didn't like herself like somebody else. I was like yo.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I was like, yo, I want you to put on
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: a cheerleader outfit.
• 27:16
  Speaker 10: Bomb right.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: So now she's like, I got you, babe. This was
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: this was New Year. We were at our parents' house.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: We was having quiet sex for a couple of days.
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: It was over it.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I want I'm trying to back back.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: So we get home and Kelly, right, I'm sitting at
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: the edge of the bed. I'm waiting she come out.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: There's no weave, there was no contacts, and she had
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: on the leotar.
• 27:38
  Speaker 10: It was this real cute sava.
• 27:45
  Speaker 8: It was.
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: With it and I was like this and he was like,
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: that's not what I asked for.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: She walked over all seductively.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: She had music. We had a fireplace. She put the
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: fireplace on.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: She's I'm sitting like.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: This, right, So she get down, she got her hands
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: on my knees. She going down like then she gets
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: to the bottom and she like what's up?
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Like this is like, what's this not for you?
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: Sir?
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like with the contact, she's like the vout. I'm
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: downstairs right now handling business. I said, no, we've no contact.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: And you got on this dirty ass leotard.
• 28:22
  Speaker 10: That's this dusty ass leotar.
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: I'm like, first of all, it's not a leotard, it's
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: a teddy.
• 28:37
  Speaker 10: And I had a stain.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: It was.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: Because it wasn't what I wanted wanted.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I was just mad.
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: I was just mad because you did not get exactly
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: what you asked for.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: I'm still here to do the job.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: And she didn't even have heels on.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: So I got mad, right, So I got up and
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: I go in the bathroom. Right, But it just so happened.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: When I walk in the bathroom, I seen all her
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: heels lined up in the closet and we just moved
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: to this big house. I said, you got all these heels,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: yet you ain't put no heels on. So going there
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: and I threw all the heels off the closet.
• 29:07
  Speaker 10: The thing I'm standing up.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: I was like, you gotta pick every shoe up? Are
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: you kidding me?
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: She says to me, look at your stupid ass in
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: there throwing heels around and your dick's still hard.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: That's what broke me out of it.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I looked at her, I started laughing and we sung.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: After that.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: It was a wrap. It was just like look a
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: look at us, like look at like, look at us.
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: And I was picked all the shoes.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's the shoes.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: We said that, we picked the shoes up, and we
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: got time.
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: Like he asked for one thing and I was like, here,
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: I'm doing something else.
• 29:41
  Speaker 6: Cute and he was like yeah.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: He was.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Sounded like a tyler per.
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: Ye did y?
• 29:57
  Speaker 7: Y'all never thought about doing the reality show.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: We've turned out it.
• 30:04
  Speaker 9: On YouTube channel, So why not crazy because.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: We control everything everything. One thing I fear because we
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: sat down with it and I don't want to put
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: producers out there. We've sat down with number of producers, right,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: this is always the first thing.
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: This is.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: So and so I know, I know, y'all, look you're perfect.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I get it right. So there's nothing that you don't
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: have Anybody like she's not there, and I'm like, the
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: first meeting, you're coming to me and asking me things
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: that disparaging things that I can say about my wife
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: may get a funk on my face. I'm not doing this.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: I got I got four sons, and that's what you
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: want me to do. No, I personally, I know this
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: is going to get some slack, But I love Bill
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Cosby right, not for the things that he did, but
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: for what he represented. This man was so brilliant in
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: the fact that he had a black psychologist on the
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: set of The Cosby Show every day to make sure
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: that everything they put out didn't show black people in
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: a disparaging way. Right, Like when you think about The
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: Cosby Show, a different from world, Lil Bill, this is
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: the content we want to create. We have a cartoon
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: series that we've been pitching for about our kids called
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: The Elisis and the time Machine because we wrote a
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: book called The Lysis and the Time Machine. Why do
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: we have to say black lives matter? And it's an
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: animated series about history. These are the things I want
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: to do. I don't want to get on television and
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: argue with my wife about trivial stuff. I'm also not
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: going to include my friends right, for example, your friends
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: with just hilarious?
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: What she like?
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: I know that's the stuff they ask and I'm like,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. So it's like we're not doing
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: the reality show thing unless we own it.
• 31:33
  Speaker 8: How y'all deal with people trying to bring out the
• 31:35
  Speaker 8: like what like the negative or whatever? Because I remember
• 31:38
  Speaker 8: when people were a lot of people do still a
• 31:40
  Speaker 8: couple goals? You guys, but I remember you guys had
• 31:42
  Speaker 8: a conversation I think you had it again on the
• 31:44
  Speaker 8: Lovers by shampodcast too, about how when people post y'all
• 31:47
  Speaker 8: as couple goals, people instantly are like, it's no way,
• 31:50
  Speaker 8: it's as happy and as good as it was all
• 31:51
  Speaker 8: the time.
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: And people it's funny because we have a contingent of
• 31:54
  Speaker 5: people who've been following us for so long, literally since
• 31:56
  Speaker 5: our Brooklyn apartment days when that was holding up his
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: iPhone to now we have people who will jump in
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: and be like, no, don't come for the aalysis like
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: if you're new here, clearly you don't understand the track
• 32:06
  Speaker 5: record that they have and what they've shared over the years,
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: and it hasn't always been perfect, but they've actually led
• 32:12
  Speaker 5: us in to have a front row seat to see
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: them work through their issues.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I will say this though, when you learn to have
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: empathy for people, right, I can understand that if you
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: grew up and you've never seen a positive black family
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: and all you've seen is just despair and violence and anger,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: when you see this on Instagram, there's no way you're
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: going to believe this is real. So I understand that.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: That's why I don't get upset at it. I got
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: to look at some of my family and they look
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: at me. These are people who know me and be
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: like you and King really always happy, all y'all, and
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, NA, were not always really have people We
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: talk about the stuff and they're like you really talk
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: And these are my family members. So if a stranger
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: who's never met me before feels that way, then I
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: understand you've never seen it. How could I be mad
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: at something that you've never seen before.
• 32:57
  Speaker 8: I have empathy to ages a part of it, because
• 33:00
  Speaker 8: like for me, I never before I got here and
• 33:03
  Speaker 8: saw like Charlotmagne and be be young in a marriage
• 33:06
  Speaker 8: and the happy and I don't know young people who
• 33:09
  Speaker 8: are just like happily married.
• 33:10
  Speaker 9: Maybe you're like it's like they're old.
• 33:13
  Speaker 8: That's why they're happy, because they're like, it's where else
• 33:15
  Speaker 8: you're gonna go, right, Versus y'all are young, living life,
• 33:18
  Speaker 8: your kids are growing up.
• 33:19
  Speaker 9: Y'all doing things. Y'all both for working and y'all are
• 33:21
  Speaker 9: figuring it.
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: Out, absolutely figuring out. And then people always ask us
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: to why how do you guys keep this up for
• 33:25
  Speaker 5: so long? I mean, you've been in the social media
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: game doing all this for ten years.
• 33:29
  Speaker 9: Y'all work?
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: How do you keep it up?
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: And it's like, this is not a facade, there's nothing
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: to keep up. We're not trending on something or I
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: legit love her to death, Like this is just us
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: literally recording and putting out our life.
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: Oh you put out so much? You gotta share everything?
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: We don't.
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: We share a sixty second video that's in a day.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: If you go back and look, there's one four hundred
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: and forty minutes in a day, right, I share one
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: minute video that means you know, one one thousandth of
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: what happened my day.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: You don't know these people get that, don't But we
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: also got.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: To understand that they don't know us. So if they're
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: commenting they're commenting from their own experience. Oftentimes it's projections.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: I'm never going to let someone else is projecting projection
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: define my day, Like I can't sit back and look
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: at the comments and then just be like all these people. No,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: unless you know a hit dog holla and you feel
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: seen and you're doing something unsavory and I was like, damn,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: they see me. That's when you kind of feel a way.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: But I don't I know what my intentions are. So, hey,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: you feel this question.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: When it comes to personal issues between y'all, do you
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: feel like you have to work it out in the
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: public because of how much of y'all lives y'all.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: Share with the audience.
• 34:36
  Speaker 10: Definitely not.
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: No, there's a lot of things that happen behind closers. Again,
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: to davals point, you see a portion of what we share,
• 34:42
  Speaker 5: you know, but we may after the fact talk about
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: it on the podcast, like, hey, guys, we were going
• 34:47
  Speaker 5: through this in this moment. Here's how we were able
• 34:49
  Speaker 5: to internally process it, deal with it, overcome it, agree
• 34:53
  Speaker 5: to disagree, and then we'll share it on the podcast
• 34:56
  Speaker 5: and say, hey, guys, has anybody ever been in a
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: position where this has happened, and then more times often
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: than not, you realize, damn, I'm not the anomaly here
• 35:04
  Speaker 5: in the situation.
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: There are other couples, there's other.
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: Men, there's other women who are dealing with the same things.
• 35:09
  Speaker 5: We've even realized that sometimes there's women who are more like.
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: I agree with the val on this one.
• 35:13
  Speaker 5: Sorry, k like happen with me all day, or vice versa.
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: The guys would be like, hey, you, my girl, I
• 35:19
  Speaker 5: felt you when you said this. So no, you know,
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: some things we do still believe are for private places
• 35:25
  Speaker 5: and other things can be for public consumption.
• 35:27
  Speaker 7: Because people will feel like they know your life based
• 35:29
  Speaker 7: off that one minute that you would.
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: Tell for sure, and then they create a whole narrative around.
• 35:33
  Speaker 7: A whole narrative, like when I'm fourteen, our second my
• 35:36
  Speaker 7: cousin Dick, he could have been on the honor roll,
• 35:38
  Speaker 7: he could have won the basketball game that day in school.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: People listen, man, the ball ellis.
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: I love talking to y'all because growing as individuals is
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: a lot by itself, but growing as a couple is insaneess.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: Not constantly communicating, you know, you might wake up one
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: day and not know who that person is.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: So we can learn anything from y'all. Constantly communicate with
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: your part.
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: Yes, indeed, and thanks for growing with us.
• 36:09
  Speaker 5: To Charlemagne, I mean we've been on the Breakfast Club
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: a couple of times of course the years A third time.
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: I appreciate you for always rocking with us.
• 36:15
  Speaker 6: Appreciate it so great to.
• 36:20
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 36:21
  Speaker 6: That's work.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Thank you and y'all making other people the same thing here,
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: like the things y'all are doing here talking about mental health.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I can't stand politics because it gets on my nerves.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: But bringing the information to people, that's all we can do.
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: The greatest thing you can give humans is inspiration, and
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: the Breakfast Club is inspiring people. I hope y'all know
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: that we appreciate y'all and this has been a part
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: of our lives since living here.
• 36:44
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: Yes, my kids know y'all too.
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: We keep them still very very New York.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: It's the ball Dean Ellis.
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: Make sure you subscribe to the podcast ELI ever After
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: if you're not subscribed already.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: It's the Breakfast Club.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: Wake that ass up early in the morning. The Breakfast Club.
• 37:08
  Speaker 5: M HM