Latest / Where I'm From / Angelique Gagnon

Transcript

Angelique Gagnon · Where I'm From

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm Allison. This is the Where I'm From podcast where guests join me to share their version of George L. Lyon's iconic poem Where I'm From, and to chat a bit about their experience writing and reflecting on memory and childhood. It's a space for everyone and engages with my core belief that each of us has a unique and powerful story to tell.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Hi everybody, thanks for joining us for Where I'm From, number two, with Angelique Gagnon. She's about to join us, and I've read her poem, and it's beautiful, and I can't wait to hear her read it to all of us.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Hi. Hi.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: So good to see you. Same here. Good to see you, Mesa and Lina. Yeah, is there anything you want to say before you read it or you just want to
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: launch into it? Okay, now I just wanted to make sure my biggest big sister hopped on. Yes. He's here, so. Okay.
• 1:23
  Oh, yeah. No, my dad was married three times. My mom was his third wife and my biggest big sister's from his first marriage, so.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: That is really sweet.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, is really special. Okay, so. I am here. I am from sheet music. From bacon grease saved in glass jars and Land O' Lakes butter.
• 1:56
  I'm from the brown Victorian house that by outward appearance never reached its full potential. Two story, kept at 65 degrees in the sub zero winter. I am from the lily of the valley, delicate, late birthday gift of spring whose aroma I secretly wish I could embody. I'm from the Christmas tree going up after Thanksgiving dinner and letting music move our bodies. From Alberta May and Ulysses Duke.
• 2:40
  I'm from the daily giving of hugs and kisses and long explorative conversations. From Sparkle Plenty and You're My Pumpkin Pie. I'm from the small generational Episcopal Church, the guild of the Black Madonna, Miss Mabel sharing butterscotch candies and the lighting of four purple advent candles. I'm from the twin cities and the quorums who chose not to pass for white, slow cooked collard greens and plastic gallon buckets of Kemp's ice cream. From the sobering talks in teenage years, struggles with alcoholism on both sides of the family and my mom's deliberate directive to change that genetic expression.
• 3:48
  The old timey tunes hummed accompaniment to step wet feet on a towel's edge while her grand wrinkled hands used the rest to pat me dry. In the living room on a bookshelf of reclaimed wood are three intentional photo albums my mother assembled months prior in anticipation to her final days. For arms that can no longer hold me. Mouths no longer tell stories. My eyes can still meet their still captured faces.
• 4:39
  Pages of life that rise into mine.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I was really trying not to cry there at the end. When I read it the first time, I was really moved by the intentional nature of what she did. Like, that's really a beautiful gift. I I that must be a sense that must give you some solace.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I know I see her on the couch Yeah. Doing it.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, for me, the dead don't really ever leave us. So I they're with us. You know? I mean, it's not the same. But
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: And I was the one who, out of the three of us, was able to take care of her in the last months. I mean, she was putting the photo albums together, she was still very much present and able-bodied. And it was the last two months when she really, really needed me to be there. And I was a new mom at the time. You know, my oldest was zero to eight months when she passed.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: So what was the experience like of writing it for you? Did you find it challenging, joyful, any other word?
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: No, actually I found it, in a way, easy. A lot of my writing it's processing and so it usually comes like it's there's something emotional. There's an emotional charge that lives somewhere in my body and because this was external prompts, it was from the top down instead of like, you know, the bottom up. Do you know what I mean when I say that?
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: I do. I found it really liberating in that way because it generative in the same way it was. Yeah, it like a mad lib. Someone has made that comment, you know, that it's like a personal history Mad Lib. And I actually found it easier than a Mad Lib because with Mad Libs, I try to like come up with cool stuff where this, there just was cool, you know, because it's my life and there's a lot of amazing things that happened.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: And I and in writing you the little preface when I sent it to you oh god. I just lost my point. Oh, that and then it was joy the joyful excavation and because like when I'm writing to process something, whether it's to express myself because I can't hold it in my body anymore, whether it's painful or joyful, This it was it was light. Mhmm. And it was, yeah, deliberate in that I picked what I wanted to remember.
• 7:39
  I shaped this poem to be what I wanted it to be so that in the same way that my mom created these photo albums, whether it was her conscious intention or not, like, it's like I can read this and wrap this imaginary blanket around me. And so doing this was a huge gift for me. I mean, it's, you know, and I had a, I've had some difficult things come up this week and I think about this poem or I go back and I reread it and it's really been a comfort for me. That's so wonderful. I found it to be Yeah.
• 8:14
  And I loved when you wrote
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: me the email that was like that you did make choices. And I think that we do make choices all the time about what we express and don't express. It was nice to be doing it for myself. It was a choice, not because of the company I was keeping, but because of what I wanted to do. You know, where oftentimes I might choose based on who I'm with and if I want them to feel comfortable or uncomfortable or, you know, and this was just my own my own comfort.
• 8:42
  Yeah. Which lots of times doesn't get primary focus. So Especially being moms. So I was like, oh, this is yeah, I found it to be anyway, it was it was a super interesting exercise. And I'm so grateful that you did it.
• 8:58
  And for anyone who's curious,
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: which people might be, Angelique and
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: I went to college together. So we have known each other for a long time, but we're not like close in college, just sort of knew each other and have reconnected through the wonders of social media. And how funny it is that you find people that the seeds were planted a long time ago, but that doesn't bear fruit until much later. One, one cannot guess at these things. They just happen or don't.
• 9:31
  So I'm grateful that we've reconnected.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Me too. And I was thinking about that before we got on that I was trying to remember like how exactly. I'm trying to remember the exact moment and I can't. And obviously there's a very strong resonance between us that I feel like you've still been there even though even though we didn't have that strong of a bond in college. It just when the when the time is right and the relationship is when we're ripe for the relationship to be Mhmm.
• 10:06
  It's full expression.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I wish I could go back and tell my 20 year old self that. You know? Things happen at a very at a varied pace. There's no right way.
• 10:20
  Life unfolds. You know? Really wanted to make it happen in the time frame that I felt was appropriate. So I wish I could go back and give her a little pat and say, you know, it'll it'll happen. Just, you know, it's okay.
• 10:36
  Trust grace. It'll happen. So I am grateful for our friendship and that you reached out with your poem and that you shared it with us tonight. And is there any last thing you want to say or is that good?
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: No, it's good. I just really appreciate the opportunity.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: And I feel like this is
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: just the beginning. No. I I'm so thrilled about all of this. It's just joyful. And it's so wonderful to just have a joyful, creative piece to share with people.
• 11:08
  It's wonderful. So thank you for your part in it. And thank you for everyone who showed up. So good to see you. And I will post this and we'll be back with another one.
• 11:20
  Thank you.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: Bye everybody. Bye.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Thank you for taking the time
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: to be with us.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: If you like what you heard, please share, review, and subscribe. You can learn more about the project and see a list of participants on my website, alisonshelton.com. We know you have so many ways to spend your time. Thank you for spending some with us. And finally, a huge thank you to producers, Leah Kerrigan and Paul Wieggen for their artistic and technical know how, generosity, enthusiasm, and for being wonderful people who I'm grateful to call for.