Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S3 E37 - Finally the True Story, Straight from the White House

Transcript

S3 E37 - Finally the True Story, Straight from the White House · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for getting us into the show.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: And Jeff, great to be back here, isn't it?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: How's it going, Jeff?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's been a very warm summer so far, and I'm very excited about this global warming thing.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: I guess do we call it global warming or do we call it something else now?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Does that work?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's it's getting kind of fun because I'm starting to cook on the cement, which maybe eventually I'll be able to get rid of the oven and and the microwave.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: But, anyways, how have you been?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know that that gives new meaning to street food, doesn't it?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: It does.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I I gotta tell you, I I haven't been great.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: A few days ago, I came down with something, and you know, I think I've got a fever.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: I've I've also had some really weird symptoms, too.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm suffering from nose ringing, eye droppings, mouth harping, and the scariest of all, plaid clashing.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my doctor said the tariffs would cure everything, but I you know, I don't know.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Been at home in bed for a couple days, and really I just kind of been watching a lot of TV.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's not all bad.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: I think that when you're sick, it gives you a you know a license to just lay in bed, watch TV, eat junk food.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: When you're sick, TV's funnier too.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: And it is funnier.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: And did you did you watch anything special?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of good TV on, especially with Apple Plus and Netflix.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Those streaming services are great, but you know, Jeff, I'm kind of old school, so I actually like a different one.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's another streaming service that's called Old Boomer.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been I've been binging on Old Boomer.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: I've been binging the TV of our childhood.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Especially.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Remember that Hillbilly TV that was so popular when we were kids?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of it kind of reminds me of our vice president.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: No, and I and I don't mean Musk, I mean that other guy, V Djance, I mean JD Vance.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: My favorite shows, in fact, that they've been streaming on this old boomer network are those eldegaic hillbilly trifectas.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Beverly hillbilly's, Petico Junction, and best of all, of course, Green Acres.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: I love those, you know, and they were all connected, right?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: Didn't they appear some episodes?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: They would have like guest appearances, you know.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: They're kind of cross-dressed.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, especially Jethro.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: Didn't he wasn't heffrina?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Or I know he played his cousin, was a was a girl, I believe.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: But I love those.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: And oh yeah, you know, had a thing for Ellie Mae.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure most teenage boys back then did.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: And when she got into that cement pond, uh I was just well, I don't want to go into detail, but yeah, full transparency.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think we get the idea, yeah.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: Cement.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but full transparency when uh Granny would try to get her out of the pool, it was it was a big letdown for me, if you know what I mean.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: And for petticoat junction, I think that was just TV porn, sort of disguised as cutesy hillbilly TV.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I mean, they had the three gorgeous women, and it wasn't until I got married that I realized that petticoat is actually a woman's underwear.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I thought that was kind of interesting.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: And uh you didn't you didn't get out much, did you?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: I did not ironically, I ended up becoming very attracted to petticoat.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: So of those three, though, if if I remember correctly, they were all they all ended in Joe.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was yeah, oh yeah, Bobby, Betty, or and Billy.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: For me, I think it was was the blonde one, was she Billy?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I don't remember, but I but I really like the blonde one.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: My favorite was really all of them and at the same time, too.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: But but if you're talking classic guys, oh yeah, no, I I yeah, I'm still wow, I I she gets sick more often and watch that.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, you you if you're talking classic beauty though, what about Ava Gabor as Lisa Douglas on Green Acres?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you remember Eb on that show.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think he had a thing for her, but I may be projecting.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, funny thing though, she always wanted Uncle Joe, but he was moving kind of slow with his functions, petticoat functions.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: I do so on Green Acres, what was your favorite character besides being attracted to Mrs.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: Douglas?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'd have to say for me, it was Mr.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: Haney.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Wasn't he the guy who was always screwing Mr.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: Douglas of little something talking about?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was yeah, he was like sold the house to him or something.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I like Deb too, you know.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: But I I would say those were my two favorite characters.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let me guess who is a favorite character of yours that you're forgetting.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: What about Hank Kimball, the farm agent?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: I loved him.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh well, I didn't love him, but I liked him.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he was great.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: He had a way of talking that was so funny.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he would say something, then forget what he said, then backtrack, and he would kind of go in loops, and it would be pretty much it would be hard to follow him, but it was just hilarious.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, maybe maybe he would be backtracking one minute.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, not backtracking, but he definitely would reverse it.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: Do you remember that?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe for the listeners that are younger than 70 who might not have any idea what we're talking about here, as it happens.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I have dinner before the show, sometimes I do it after.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: But tonight I I didn't do it before because I was still I had the nose ringing, you know, it kind of bothered my taste buds a little bit.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: But so I take this show.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna watch it while I ate after the show, but I got a little clip of Hank Kimball on here.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: So let me let me play this for the audience here, just so those of who are not you know old boomers can like hear this.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: As you all know, I'm your county Kimball, Hank Agent.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I believe I am.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm uh Hank Kimball, your county agent.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that sounds better.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, not better.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: As you all know, we have a serious problem on our hands.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's not on our hands, it's on our corn.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: At first I thought it was a European corn bore, but I eliminated him.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I didn't eliminate him, but there's a lot of them still running around.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: That was really funny.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: It it doesn't age.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: I could listen to him forever, and I'm still laughing hysterically.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I missed that character.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know exactly what happened to him.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: I never saw him again.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_02: I think that the what I remember about him was he the farm director and he worked for the government or something like that.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he was like a farm the farm agent or something.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: He'd come around and give him advice on pesticides and whatever seeds and all, you know.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: And if you ask me, we need more people like Hank Kimball to, you know, to work in our government and you know, really take charge.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm glad he's not around anymore because he would have been fired.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, not fired.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, not fired, but yeah, laid off.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, not you know, not laid off, but yeah.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'll tell you though, those were the days today with all this technology, you know, you really can't get away with saying anything stupid without somebody throwing it back into your face.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, unless, of course, the Supreme Court says it's okay, then you can say whatever you want, right?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sure.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I digress.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Speaking of making mistakes with language, we actually on our show tonight, right just the other side of that glass, we have an expert who works in the precise world of words.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: She answers the tough questions and channels the brilliance of our king, or big daddy, if you prefer, directly into our heads.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: She is a very important person in this new world order, and her name is Alby Moore, Assistant Communications Director for the White House.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the show, Miss Moore.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh boys, thanks for having me on the show.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I mean, well, not having me on the show, but but you know, letting let me call into the show.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, well, I'm not calling in, I'm right here in front of you.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: But you don't see the glass, yeah.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, my voice is calling to you.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_03: Uh and you know, and it's so like nice to visit the Steve and Jeff show, or or or is it the the Jeff and Steve show?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I mean, of course, if if it were Jeff and Steve, you'd have to change the name.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I mean, not your names, your names would stay the same, but the show's name would have to change.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: But thank gosh, thanks for having me on here.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, whatever you call it.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: And uh yeah, please just call me Alby.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Great, Alby.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's a pleasure to meet you.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Jeff, just to be clear.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: So before we get into the hard questions, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: Where did you grow up?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: Well, uh, Jeff, it it was Jeff, right?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: This the you're the you're the Jeff.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I had a brother named Jeff.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: You're you're not him though.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: You're not my brother, Jeff.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I mean, I are you though?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't think so.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: No, of course, of course not.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_03: I yeah, I you'd think I'd recognize you unless you know, unless you changed your your face and everything else about you.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I gosh, I grew up in the great state of Florida, uh, and oh, you know, you know, they call it that red state, you know, because oh it gets it gets red hot down there.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_03: Uh also um, you know, it because it's Republican.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's not, you know, it's not a Republican state, but it's a state full of them, full of Republicans.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's that state's got them.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, it does seem that with its own alligator camp, uh, Florida's not only red, it's going to get a whole lot redder.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's funny too, because alligators you're typically green or brown or tan.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, and you know, I think if you saw a red alligator, you'd think, oh, that alligator's sick or it's on fire, but uh no, not not these ones.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_03: Uh they're mostly they're mostly people in a cage.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um, that's interesting.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: So what part of Florida are you from?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, well, you know, actually, uh, you know, it's yeah, the oh yeah.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I grew up in Atlanta.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, well, not I mean not in Atlanta, but like just outside of it, uh, you know, in the part they call Miami.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, no, the Atlanta is in Georgia.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Now I they said you grew up in Florida.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they're near each other, but it's not the same thing.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_03: Did I not say it was outside of it?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: Because I'm pretty sure it's outside of uh it or just Atlanta is right outside of Florida, and that's that's where I grew up inside of Florida, which is outside of Atlanta.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, well can't argue with that.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_03: So I should hope not.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't come here to argue.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, unless you guys wanted to.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I could put on the old uh boxing gloves, not not actual boxing gloves, but like we could have some verbal boxing.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's a friendly interview.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have anyone.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Or beatboxing.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if you folks like rap or anything like that, but I mean we could have one of those uh those rap battles there, you know.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, hey, that sounds like fun.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they had those mostly in Detroit, which is way outside of Florida, and uh a little bit less, but still more outside of Atlanta.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's a very far northwest suburb of Atlanta, I think.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: So that'll be you know, I wanted to ask you about some some of the big issues that I know everybody's focused on these days and you're dealing with every day, really, and as part of the information from the White House.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, maybe the first issue we should dive into is is the vaccine crisis.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Seems like measles in particular and various other treatable diseases are spreading all over the country, and uh you know, they're making a big comeback because I guess too many people aren't getting vaccinated for against them, you know.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's true.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, and they are treatable, unless, of course, you don't treat them, in which case they're not being treated, and then that's where we got a problem here, and that's what our king is concerned about.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you know, he made sure his whole family uh he got those uh vaccines for the measles and uh and and I think uh half dozen other diseases, and he's that's brave.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, if you want to look at bravery in the eyes of our king and lord and savior, just throwing his family there to the medical fires there, because uh, you know, they those vaccines they can cause autism, except unless they don't.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: Do we do we all know that?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because I I know that the Secretary of Health and Human Services he says that it could cause autism, although he then he says maybe it doesn't cause autism.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm kind of confused, but so is there any truth to that at all?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's exactly right.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, and when you you gotta take into account the fact that when he's saying something, is he saying it, or is the boar the worm that lives inside of him is that what's saying it through him?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you always gotta consider things when they're coming out of the the mouth of one person, that one person might have two mouths inside of him, right?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and and our king, he's very concerned about that and the way people are blaming him for you know this outbreak.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, well, they're not blaming him, but but they are implying that he is to blame, you know, and then we know that it's the Secretary of Health and Human Services that is to blame, uh, or Hunter Biden.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: But I mean, he's calling for an investigation immediately, unless it turns out the investigation finds something bad, in which case there is not an investigation, never was meant to be.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: And there never was, yeah.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: But but now, didn't our king appoint Kennedy to that position?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, though, that was all that was all sleepy Joe Biden.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you know, he was uh he was ruining our economy, and then he made all of these bad, bad decisions that we're stuck with them, you know.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: Uh we can't do anything with them, um, except for, you know, when it looks good if we did.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: And it, but you know, it's is ruining the you know, he gave us a ruined economy, which I mean it wasn't it wasn't ruined, ruined, but I mean it was it was wounded in like a way that a bear might have been wounded and and then left in a park somewhere.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: But uh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: But I mean that's why we have to tariff everything and everyone.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: And that kind of leads me to the next question, which is about tariffs.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: So you're saying that that Biden is responsible for tariffs.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: Uh am I getting that correctly?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, if it's a thing that you don't like, Biden is responsible for it, unless you did like it, in which case we did it, and he had nothing to do with that.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I mean, if he hadn't had those open borders policies, you know, to buy and sell products, we would not be in the position that we are now, in which we're having to tariff all those things that we buy and sell.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, I think we all know what a free market is, don't you gentlemen?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: It isn't free.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_03: No, just the way that cold, when you get a cold, it's not cold.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: You usually have a fever.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's quite hot sometimes when you have one of those.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: And in the same way of that, is that free market.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, everyone's saying, uh, well, I mean, not everyone, everyone's saying it, but I mean, the ones in my home state of Alabama, which is outside of Atlanta and out inside of Florida, uh, if those tariffs they do cause us to go into recession, oh, he's gonna immediately fire Pam Bondi and immediately conduct an investigation.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_03: Uh or or not, but definitely a meeting and a very stern one.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh in in two weeks, I'm sure.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_03: But oh yeah, yeah, two weeks.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you'll see it happen in two weeks.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: And if not in two weeks, two weeks after that.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Then we'll we'll send a letter, yeah.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: But uh, you know, LV, I I I want to ask a few about a few more issues, but I I'm just really I just want to say how happy we are to have you on the show.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: I I really want to thank you for coming on.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, it's my pleasure.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, well, not like a pleasure because there are things that I enjoy better than this, like by a lot of them, but it's more like a job, um, except that it's not a job because I mean it's uh my honor to serve to the pleasure of the president and not his pleasure because his pleasures are uh they are buried under red tape and uh documents that have been blacked out.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: But probably held in a safe deposit box somewhere in Switzerland, yeah.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, or or just in regular cardboard packing boxes next to a toilet.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_03: Next to a toilet, yeah.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_03: You know, uh I'm it's but it was Steve, right?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not really good with names um or numbers or memories and and faces, especially.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, especially red faces, you know, and not like embarrassed faces like Republican ones.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you certainly seem to be good or bad or whatever you just said.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I am yeah, so let's at the same time.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's so it's so wild.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so we look, we are we are all many things uh to each other and separately.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: So true.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: So let's move on to Greenland and the possibility of taking over that country that is currently under the Danish flag.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: Do you see a day where we actually are forcefully taking that country under the argument that it's a security threat?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, it's funny you mentioned Greenland because it's that's like a misnomer too.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: Because I mean, Greenland is really very icy, and it's Iceland that's the really green one.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but definitely, I mean, for the record, our king has no intentions of moving to Greenland.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, so when he says the word occupy, what he's really saying is he means to permanently visit it.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: And don't you haven't you ever been a place so nice, you're like, I want to stay here forever, but not live here.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and you know, and that's if if they don't join peacefully, then you know, then it has to be the other way.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, but and I mean, our king, he's got no plans to move to Greenland or Canada or Iceland or Alabama, but it's all fake media and news, and it's horrible.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_03: Does that clear it up?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, yeah, it does.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, it sounds like he's gonna be getting one of those permanent reversible visas, you know, that you can you can flip over.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: And anyone can apply for those at any time, they can do it legally unless they can't.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or unless they don't have five million, yeah.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and that's so easy to get if you know the right people.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: One little crypto scam can get you more than that.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_03: I mean Absolutely, yeah.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_03: Except we don't like the word scam, we like it the word investment.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, yes, yes.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and and speaking of what we were talking about there, I do have some questions on on immigration.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-oh.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I mean, okay, yeah, that's fine.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, we can talk about that.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you know, but our king, he uh he has no plans to immigrate to any country except maybe Russia, which is lovely this time of year.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm sure just don't look out a window.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what I meant about immigration was yeah, you know, what about what about these arrests of people who are here legally?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, in some cases they're citizens.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: And some these people are arrested when they show up for their immigration hearings, and then they're sent to places that they aren't from.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, countries they have no connection to.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: Is is that a problem?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: Not at all.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: Because I mean, really, a citizen, I mean, are you a citizen if the president says you aren't?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: Because I mean, that's the guy that's in charge of the country.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: And if you say you're a citizen of that place and the guy in charge says you're not, I mean, who are you to believe?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, because we're only deporting people who don't live here legally.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: They may not live here illegally, but they're definitely the ones that look different from the ones we think should be legal, and they could potentially break the law, but probably aren't breaking any laws, but they definitely fit a profile, but not like a profile like profiling, but like you know, your the little icon you have of yourself next to your social media, which you should always have visible and not marked private.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that policy the king has made very clear.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: So, and I'm glad that you understand it.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_03: I you lost me a little bit, but um Oh, well, I mean, to clarify, we just don't want anyone from shithole countries.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, maybe not shithole, but like at least uh you know, piss poor.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: So something related to like the other the other bodily functions, yeah, something like that.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, yeah.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: Your yeah, your ringing nose and runny ear and whatnot.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: There you go, yes.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I I I'm trying to summarize this, or at least in my mind, wrap my head around this.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_03: And so what you're doing and tell me how you did it.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it sounds like what you're saying is that billionaires like Elon are welcome in the country, but but not a lot of other people.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, oh, except that Elon was welcome into the country, and now he's less welcome into the country because he started being mean to the country, but he's very important to America, but not so much to America, but the Americans in it, or at least the Republican Americans, aka the real Americans.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_03: Uh also he's the richest person in the world and therefore the scariest.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, let me ask.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: Speaking of Elon here, now that Elon's not working for the White House, in fact, he's you know gonna start a unless he is secretly working for the White House with Doge, which he of course isn't, but probably is.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, so maybe this whole new party is just is is a White House plan.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, diabolical, very good.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: But our king is so smart.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: So is he is he still as important?
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, because he was certainly pivotal in those those early days of of the king's reign.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: Not so much that he's important necessarily, but that he could break us at any moment if he wanted to.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and so we're in a really interesting position with him where we want him to make us look good.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: And when he doesn't do that, it makes us very upset.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: And by us, I mean our king.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: And then, you know, our country, it was built by uh Working middle class people and not billionaires like Elon.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: But maybe some billionaires did build it, but not exclusively billionaires.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: Although, if we could just exclusively house billionaires, I think that would be the American dream.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's a really good point.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: So that kind of leads me to the next subject.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: This one's a little sensitive, and you know, especially for our king, it has to do with uh Jeffrey Epstein and the infamous list.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_03: Can you oh I'm sorry I didn't hear that last thing you said.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: You started cutting out.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I mean, not maybe not cutting out, but I chose not to hear it.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was I I was talking about Jeffrey Epstein and the list of predators that joined him.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, does that ring a bell?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: Look, I I'm sorry, but it's really not politically correct to talk about a person's lisp.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_03: And uh it's not something we want to gossip about here because we respect all people, but especially billionaires, and especially American billionaires, but also Russian ones.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_03: And it's just for the record, you got it all wrong because it's Biden who's on Epstein's Lisp or his list, uh, or both of them.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_03: And uh even if he isn't on there, uh, because there isn't a list and never was one, uh, if there were one, he would be number one with the bullet, but not like the bullet that nearly took our dear king's ear.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I think Jeff's referring to the you know, the the Epstein list of people who were you know perpetrating sex with underage girls.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: Or Lisp.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, or or Lisp.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe he wrote it on his Lisp.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: It could be I, you know, I I have trouble writing on his own.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_03: And that's probably why we were unable to release these documents that may or may not exist because they were written phonetically in a way that is impossible to say for sure what they said.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: That makes sense.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, a phonetic alphabet.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that could be interesting.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: There are a lot of code breakers in the State Department.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wait, no, they all got fired.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, well, there's some code breakers in no, they got fired too.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: But I digress.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: So you haven't seen this list.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the attorney general said it was on her desk, but apparently it was on her theoretical desk.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if there is no list.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: No, the one she was talking about, uh, was it the Epstein list?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: Like the way you think of that Epstein.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, it was referring to Juan Epstein from Welcome Back Cotter.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, it's another show I've binged on Old Boomer TV.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's a great, great old show.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: Man, we were I used to party with those guys too, in fact.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_03: Boy, he's oh, can you believe John Travolta on that show?
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, unbelievable.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: He was he was great.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_03: He was he was yeah, quite the part of our he's one of our best, uh, except for all the times when he wasn't.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, Battlefield Earth is maybe one of the worst movies ever made, but also might be genius.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: It it's so bad it's good.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: So back to Jeffrey Epstein.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: So is it there is a list or there's not a list?
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: Can you kind of go over that one more time just so that we can get this on the record?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, look, it's just like I told Jeffrey or whichever one it was.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, there isn't a list, but while we are on the subject of Jeffrey's, are you the same Jeffrey as that pedophile Jeffrey Epstein?
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: No, I don't think I am, and you know, kind of the same answer to whether I'm your brother or not.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_03: So no, I'm Oh, that'd be terrible if my brother was a famous pedophile, and then I would have to say, I mean, e with or without a lisp, that is something to be ashamed of, or if not ashamed, embarrassed, or at least very uncomfortable.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, my sister had a lisp, and you're probably not her either, and it wasn't funny, except for how many times it made us laugh when she would say words like fienus.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: I I can imagine.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, it was it because it it was penis, was the word she was trying to say.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I think the male sex organ.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that one, yeah.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I think Jeffrey Epstein is actually dead, and the White House says that he committed suicide.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have a comment on that?
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's the one we're talking about.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I didn't understand you.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, because of the terrible lisp that you have.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, in full transparency, uh, he's dead, and uh he he did it himself.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_03: He dead it himself.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I thought the report had come out and it said that other than the missing minute, they're pretty sure that he did commit suicide.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, thinking about that man, would you miss any minute you spent with him?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: I could see having perhaps a gap.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, and we're gonna have nothing or we're gonna have a real long gap about him now because he's gone and will never be back.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: That's to say anything one way or the other.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you know, but we'll just see what the investigation finds if we decide to ever do one, and we won't.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: But we might.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: Very interesting.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not exactly sure what you just said, but did you mention Matt Gates in this too?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: I I couldn't figure it out, so I no, I didn't get them mixed up, yeah.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's understandable.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it really is because when you think of just people you don't want to ever be around, Matt Gates is on the list.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, not an actual list in that we have one on anyone's desk, but you know, on a proverbial one, and also possibly literal.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I and didn't Matt Gates and and Epstein both they they both are from Florida, you know, or lived in Florida or partied in Florida.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_03: Look, that's possible because I mean Florida's a big state, it's not the biggest state or even third biggest or fifth or eighth, but it's definitely one of them, and they could have there's a lot of places to be there, especially with all of our incredible amusement parks.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, ruck me funny.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, this is this has just been a fascinating interview.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of information to review after the show, and well, I know, and look, Mr.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_03: Gates is no longer in Congress, so we don't need to worry about him anymore, except that we don't know any more than anything about him that we know now, until the investigation is complete, which there may not be one, because it may show something bad, and then we have to tell people it's didn't happen.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, exactly.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you investigate, you might find something.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: That's really the worst thing about investigations I've found is that you may turn up information you don't like.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm speechless, Steve.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I tell you, all I can do is say thanks again, Alvy, for coming onto the show and really clearing things up about the direction that this new junta is going.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just so proud of our king for hiring people like you and not firing you after hiring you.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: But thank you.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_03: Uh look, and I've appreciated the two of and three or five or two of three of us have been investigating uh this topic, but not like an official investigation, like the kind uh where you find out that Matt Gates and Jeffrey Dahmer are the same person.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_03: They're not they're two completely different ones, except for their first names.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: I ooh, I agree that they're different.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I don't agree, but I definitely understand.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, thank you so much for being on the show today.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks again, and and Johnny, Johnny, we gotta we gotta get out of the show here.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well, not get out of the show, but Johnny, can you get us out of the show?
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, your name was Johnny?
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve?
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: Jeff, Elvi, whatever.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a calculated distortion production in association with lose your right media.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, stevenjeff.com.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny speaking.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'd better not say anything, you know?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: Good night.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a film waste presentation, darling.