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Deep Connection Starts with Honest Responses · Deep Thoughts

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to Deep Thoughts, a podcast designed to take you
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  Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome back for another deep dive.
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  Speaker 3: Always a pleasure to be back.
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  Speaker 2: So, you know, it's funny like we all ask this question, right,
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  Speaker 2: how are you? I mean, how many times a day?
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  Speaker 3: Oh? Countless? I mean, it's just part of our you know,
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  Speaker 3: everyday interaction.
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  Speaker 2: But you sent me this excerpt unlocking the depths of
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  Speaker 2: how are you? The power of being fully present, and
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  Speaker 2: it like totally made me rethink that whole like automatic
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  Speaker 2: response we all have.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, we say fine or good without even
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  Speaker 3: really thinking about it exactly like are we really fine?
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  Speaker 2: So in this deep dive, I mean, should we try
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  Speaker 2: to like unpack that a little bit, Like what's going
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  Speaker 2: on with this simple question?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's let's explore how how this question, as simple
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  Speaker 3: as it is, can actually be a gateway to some
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  Speaker 3: pretty profound stuff like self awareness, deeper conversations, and even
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  Speaker 3: you know, like genuine connections. You know we were saying,
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  Speaker 3: just kind of breaking free of those automatic responses.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, those like autopilot, I'm fines. Yeah, So, like right
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  Speaker 2: off the bat, this excerpt talks about how how are
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  Speaker 2: you mm hmm has basically become a social script, right.
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  Speaker 3: It's lost a lot of its original meaning.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's funny because I was just thinking about
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  Speaker 2: this before we started recording. And you know, I don't
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  Speaker 2: know if you've ever had this experience, but I've definitely
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  Speaker 2: caught myself just kind of like rattling off fine, thanks,
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  Speaker 2: without even a second thought.
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  Speaker 3: All the time.
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  Speaker 2: It was like, not even though I wasn't fine, it
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  Speaker 2: was just like why even ask if we're not even
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  Speaker 2: gonna like think about the answer.
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  Speaker 3: Right exactly, We're just going through the motions. And that's
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  Speaker 3: where this whole idea of mindfulness comes in, which the
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  Speaker 3: excerpt really emphasizes.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so mindfulness, and I think a lot of people
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  Speaker 2: when they think of mindfulness, they think of like meditation
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  Speaker 2: and yoga and you know, things like that, right, but
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  Speaker 2: this is talking about like bringing that awareness into you know,
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  Speaker 2: everyday conversations exactly.
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  Speaker 3: It's about being present in the moment, even in these
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  Speaker 3: seemingly insignificant interactions.
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  Speaker 2: So like, even with how are you, how do we
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  Speaker 2: like bring mindfulness into that?
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  Speaker 3: Well, the excerpt suggests pausing, like actually taking a moment
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  Speaker 3: before responding, you know, creating a space for actual reflection.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, I like that, so instead of just being on
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  Speaker 2: auto pilots just like oh fine, thanks, yeah, take a
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  Speaker 2: breath and be like hmm, how am I actually doing exactly?
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  Speaker 2: You know.
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  Speaker 3: It's interesting because the excerpt also talks about this idea
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  Speaker 3: of recognizing subtext, like is the person asking how are
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  Speaker 3: you actually interested in your well being? Or is it
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  Speaker 3: just you know, a social nicety.
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  Speaker 2: That's a good point, right, Yeah, like sometimes it's like
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  Speaker 2: they're just saying it because it's what you say. But
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  Speaker 2: other times it's like, no, really tell me.
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  Speaker 3: How you are exactly, and that awareness allows you to
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  Speaker 3: choose how to respond. I see yeah, And then you know,
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  Speaker 3: the excerpt sort of brings up this kind of you know,
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  Speaker 3: almost like a fear of honesty, like why are we
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  Speaker 3: so hesitant to give a truthful answer sometimes even when
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  Speaker 3: we want to?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like why is it so hard to just say, like,
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  Speaker 2: you know, actually I'm not doing so great?
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  Speaker 3: Right? And the excerpt suggests it's because we've kind of
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  Speaker 3: been conditioned to prioritize convenience over authenticity, Like it's just easier,
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  Speaker 3: you know, like to say I'm good and move on, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: rather than risk like an awkward silence or conversation that
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  Speaker 3: the other person may not be ready for.
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  Speaker 2: Right, And it is awkward, right, Like you're in line
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  Speaker 2: at the grocery store. The cashier is like how are
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  Speaker 2: you and you're like, well, actually, and you launch into
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  Speaker 2: this whole thing exactly.
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  Speaker 3: But that's you know, kind of the paradox, Right, we
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  Speaker 3: fear vulnerability, but vulnerability is the key to really connecting,
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  Speaker 3: you know, it's actually building genuine relationships.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's interesting because the excerpt kind of points
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  Speaker 2: out that by choosing convenience over honesty, we might actually
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  Speaker 2: be hindering the kind of relationships.
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  Speaker 3: That we want exactly.
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  Speaker 2: So you know, the big question then becomes, like what
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  Speaker 2: happens when we do break free from these you know,
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  Speaker 2: automatic responses. What happens when we do get honest? And
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  Speaker 2: the excerpt paints this really compelling picture of like, you know,
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  Speaker 2: these ripple effects, Like if we start responding more genuinely,
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  Speaker 2: it can transform our interactions absolutely.
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  Speaker 3: Imagine, you know, instead of just saying fine, you respond
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  Speaker 3: with actually, I know I'm feeling a bit of over today,
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  Speaker 3: but I'm managing. It just opens the door for empathy,
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  Speaker 3: for understanding.
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  Speaker 2: And it makes it real, So it's not just this
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  Speaker 2: like surface level interaction.
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  Speaker 3: Exactly, and you might actually have, you know, a really
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  Speaker 3: helpful conversation. You know, maybe you even get some support
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  Speaker 3: that you didn't know you needed.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true, Like just that little shift can
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  Speaker 2: make such.
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  Speaker 3: A difference, absolutely, And you know, the excerpt goes on
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  Speaker 3: to connect this whole mindful approach to how are you
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  Speaker 3: with these four like really interesting themes.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, let's here it.
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  Speaker 3: So we have the mask of politeness, you know, how
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  Speaker 3: societal norms can actually stifle authenticity. Then there's emotional literacy,
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  Speaker 3: the importance of developing a language for our feelings, time perception,
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  Speaker 3: how pausing can actually make us feel more present.
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  Speaker 2: It's interesting.
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  Speaker 3: And then finally, energy awareness, you know, the difference between
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  Speaker 3: automated responses kind of graining our energy versus conscious dialogue
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  Speaker 3: being revitalizing.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, lot there, So let's break those down a little bit,
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  Speaker 2: because those are those are big. Yeah, So let's start
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  Speaker 2: with the mask of politeness, which I think is really interesting.
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  Speaker 2: It's this idea that sometimes, you know, we're so focused
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  Speaker 2: on being polite and being appropriate that we actually end
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  Speaker 2: up hiding our true feelings exactly.
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  Speaker 3: You know. It's like we default to these pleasantries even
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  Speaker 3: when we're not feeling particularly pleasant.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think we all do that, right, you know,
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  Speaker 2: It's like you don't want to bring people down, and
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  Speaker 2: see you're just like, oh, yeah, you know, everything's great.
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  Speaker 2: Then you know, maybe that's not.
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  Speaker 3: Really how you're feeling, right, And so the assert kind
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  Speaker 3: of argues that this, you know, this idea of politeness
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  Speaker 3: has almost become a barrier to authenticity, I now. So
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  Speaker 3: then moving on to the next theme, emotional literacy. This
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  Speaker 3: is really about developing a vocabulary for our emotions, and
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  Speaker 3: it's not just about labeling them as good or bad,
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  Speaker 3: but really being able to articulate the nuances of our experience.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so it's like not just I'm happy or I'm sad,
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  Speaker 2: but being able to like really describe what's going on
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  Speaker 2: inside exactly.
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  Speaker 3: And the excerpt suggests that by practicing this, by developing
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  Speaker 3: our emotional literacy, we actually understand ourselves better, and then
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  Speaker 3: that helps us to communicate more effectively with others.
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  Speaker 2: Oh that makes so much sense, right, because if you
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  Speaker 2: can't even explain to yourself how you're feeling, how are
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  Speaker 2: you going to explain to somebody else precisely? All right?
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  Speaker 2: So what about this time perception thing, because that one,
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  Speaker 2: I'm a little I'm a little curious about. How can pausing,
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  Speaker 2: How can taking a moment to think before you answer?
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  Speaker 2: How can that make you feel more present? Yeah?
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  Speaker 3: It's interesting, right because you would think that being mindful
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  Speaker 3: takes more time, but even a brief pause, just a
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  Speaker 3: moment of reflection, can actually enhance our awareness and our
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  Speaker 3: connection to ourselves and to the other person.
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  Speaker 2: So it's like slowing down to actually speed up in
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  Speaker 2: a way.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's about quality over quantity.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, that makes sense.
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  Speaker 3: And then finally, energy awareness. This is about recognizing how
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  Speaker 3: our communication and impacts our energy levels and the energy
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  Speaker 3: of the people around us.
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  Speaker 2: So, like, if you're just kind of going through the
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  Speaker 2: motion saying fine, fine, fine, all the time, that could
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  Speaker 2: actually be draining your energy exactly.
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  Speaker 3: It's like you're not really present, you're not really engaged,
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  Speaker 3: so it becomes this kind of like autopilot drain.
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  Speaker 2: But then if you're actually taking the time to you know,
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  Speaker 2: be present and be mindful and choose your words carefully,
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  Speaker 2: that could actually be energizing, right because.
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  Speaker 3: You're consciously creating the interaction. You're not just reacting, you're responding.
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  Speaker 2: I like that. So okay, so we've gone through all
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  Speaker 2: these different themes and it's like this simple question how
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  Speaker 2: are you is actually like so much more than just
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  Speaker 2: a simple.
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  Speaker 3: Question exactly, And that's what the excerpt is really calling for,
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  Speaker 3: the shift from autopilot to what it calls a full
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  Speaker 3: state of mind.
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  Speaker 2: A full state of mind. Huh, So what does that
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  Speaker 2: look like?
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  Speaker 3: Well, you know, it's about being present, it's about being
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  Speaker 3: engaged in our interactions. It's about recognizing that even this
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  Speaker 3: simple everyday question how are you? Can be an opportunity
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  Speaker 3: to connect more deeply with ourselves and with others.
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  Speaker 2: So after going through all of this, you know, it
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  Speaker 2: really makes you think, like, how would you answer how
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  Speaker 2: are you? Differently? Now? What would it look like to
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  Speaker 2: really bring that full state of mind to that interaction
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  Speaker 2: and what kind of ripple effects could that create in
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  Speaker 2: your own life? Just something to think about.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, some really interesting things to ponder. Thanks for diving
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  Speaker 3: into this with me.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, this was a really fascinating deep dive. Thanks for
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  Speaker 2: joining us.
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  Speaker 3: My pleasure.
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  Speaker 2: We'll see you next time.
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